Becoming whole Chapter 14: Healing begins, a stargate: atlantis fanfic

Chapter 14: Healing begins.

John had been back on Atlantis for almost a week now and he was still in a coma. He had been taken off of the ventilator three days ago and his heart rate and breathing had returned to normal, but still, he didn't wake up. They were all wondering whether he just didn't want to wake up.

Teyla had spent most of her time at John's bedside, as had Dave. Dave had been released from the infirmary four days ago under strict orders that he should rest, at least that's what Jane had told her.

Torren was spending a lot of time with his Uncle Dave and Aunty Jane and was thoroughly enjoying himself, except he seemed to be incredibly worried about his Daddy. Carson and Jennifer had allowed him to come and visit John once or twice, but on the condition that he remained quiet. It obviously disturbed Torren, so after the second time, it was decided that he wouldn't see John again until he woke up.

Ronon had come and gone, never staying long since he had no ability to sit still. Apparently, he had been taking his frustrations out on the troops and going out on missions with Lorne's team.

Rodney had come and gone spasmodically as well and since he couldn't sit still or remain quiet for long periods of time, Carson usually ended up throwing him out. The last time he was there he had told her that John should come out of his coma, but it could take anything from a week to a year, but eventually, he should wake up. She certainly hoped that he would wake up soon because if he didn't there was talk of John being sent back to earth where he could get the proper care.

Her thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later when someone tapped her on the shoulder and sat down next to her. She looked up to find that Dave was sitting with her and holding John's other hand.

"How is he?" Dave asked and Teyla could see the worry lines around his eyes.

"He is still in a coma and I wonder whether he will ever wake up this time. He has been injured so often over the last eleven weeks, so that why would he want to come back to us?" Teyla took a deep breath before continuing, "and the last time I saw him, I pushed him away, so I suspect that he may not want to see me."

Dave looked up at her with a grim look on his face and she appreciated the fact that he attempted to smile at her.

"I know for a fact that he really loves you and he wouldn't take offence at anything that went on before we were kidnapped."

"Thank you, Dave, I hope you are right."

She turned back to John and squeezed his hand, trying to reach out to him and let him know that she was there and a few seconds later she was rewarded when she felt his hand twitch. Looking down she saw the most wonderful sight she had ever seen, at a set of Hazel eyes staring up at her and as quickly as they had opened, they were closed again. She squeezed his hand again hoping to elicit the same response and was disappointed when he didn't respond.

"I'll go and get Carson," Dave suggested standing to his feet.

She nodded and started to stroke John's forehead, willing him to wake up again, but his eyes remained closed.

"How is he, lassie?" Carson asked walking into the room.

"He awoke opened his eyes for a short time and then he closed them again."

She watched as Carson began taking his vitals hoping that things were looking up and that he was out of a coma.

"Does this mean he's out of a coma?" Dave asked before she had a chance to say anything.

"Aye he's just in a deep sleep now, so it's only a matter of time before he wakes up."

"ThankyouThank Carsonyou, Carson," She replied feeling a sense of relief for the first time in days.

"Right now, that you know that he's out of a coma, I want you to go and have a rest," Carson said looking directly at her and from the stern look on the doctor's face, she knew that it was an order, not a request.

Teyla took one last look at John, and kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "Wake up soon my love, because when you awake, I want to be bonded to you for the rest of our lives."

Taking one last look at the love of her life she left the room, she planned on spending some a couple of hours with Torren, then having a short sleep and then she would be back by John's side when he woke up.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The first thing that assaulted John's senses when he awoke was the smell of antiseptic, the next thing he noticed was the softness of the pillows and the bed he was lying on, next he heard the gentle whisper of voices surrounding him. Finally, he felt incredible pain in his leg and head. He knew that he must be in the infirmary, but what had happened to him this time and why wasn't he on one of Carson's strong pain-relieving cocktails? Knowing that the only way he could find out what was going on he opened his eyes and he saw the most beautiful face in the universe looking down at him, it was Teyla the love of his life, and he wanted to speak to her and tell her how much he loved her, but her but keeping his eyes open was all too much for him right now, so he closed them and promptly fell asleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rodney had had enough of being cooped up in his lab for days on end, so he decided that it was time to go and visit Sheppard. Teyla had sent word to him that John had awoken from his coma and was in a deep sleep and that was five hours ago, so perhaps if he went to the infirmary, sleeping beauty would be waking up.

It didn't take him long to reach the infirmary and when he did, he was surprised that Carson was sitting with Sheppard, "why are you sitting with Sheppard, where are Dave and Teyla?"

Carson sighed and Rodney didn't miss the eye roll, "I have sent them both back to their quarters for a rest and I'm happy to say that was five hours ago, so if they're doing what I've asked, they should be sleeping by now."

"And what about sleeping beauty here, Teyla said that he was out of a coma and he should be waking up soon?!" Rodney stated in a high-pitched voice. He was frustrated with the whole waiting thing, thing; how long could one man be unconscious? Deep down he knew that Carson couldn't really tell him when Sheppard would wake up, but it didn't mean that he wasn't annoyed by it all.

"This is an infirmary Rodney, so please keep your voice down and as for Colonel Sheppard he will wake up when he is ready too, no amount of shouting will make that happen any faster."

A small whisper came from the bed and Rodney would have missed it if he hadn't been looking in that direction,

"How can anyone sleep with all that noise?" John whispered.

"Sheppard it's great to see you awake, I was beginning to wonder if you would ever wake up!." Rodney exclaimed in an excitable voice.

"Ssshhh…" Sheppard whispered, even softer this time, "I have a headache and I don't really see why if there is anything to get excited about.

"Of course, there's something to be excited about, you're all grown up again and I assume that you're as smart as you used to be, even if that isn't as smart as I am!" He ranted at one hundred miles an hour.

"Please…be quiet?" Sheppard begged.

"Aright Rodney I think it's time you left and let Colonel Sheppard get some rest," Carson ordered and Rodney wasn't too impressed by being ordered around.

"I'm coming back later though Carson; I want to see how Colonel Catastrophe is really doing."

"Don't be cruel Rodney, he can't help being injured," Carson replied, and Rodney didn't miss the glare.

"Alright I'm leaving," he said before turning to John, "catch you later Sheppard, I hope you're feeling better soon."

He left the room and wondered if he should head back to his lab, but then perhaps it was time to have a meal and go to visit Jennifer. It was obvious that she was off duty since Carson was in the infirmary there looking after Sheppard as usual.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John had kept his eyes closed and remained quiet during most of Rodney's visit, his head was pounding for some unknown reason and his leg was screaming with pain.

Once he was sure that Rodney had gone, he attempted to lift his hand and was surprised to find that it was full size again, which gave him a huge sense of relief, because at least Teyla would look at him now. Torren would be happy to see him as well, which made things seem even better.

"How's the pain, Colonel?" Carson asked interrupting his contemplations.

"Honestly, it's about a seven doc," he winced as he tried to get more comfortable before continuing, "Okay doc what's the damage "can you tell me what the damage is this time?"

"The only new injury is your lower left leg, apparently a large cat decided to gnaw on it. Your shoulder doesn't appear to be any worse, neither does your right leg."

He watched as Carson emptied a syringe into his IV port and he was instantly relieved when he felt the pain meds beginning to run through his system.

"That's great Doc, but when can I get out of here?"

"I would like to keep you here for another week lad."

"Really Doc, you've got to be kidding me?"

"We almost lost you, lad, your heart stopped when you arrived back in Atlantis and we had to intubate, and you've been in a coma for over a week. You may still be weak for a week or two, so I need to keep an eye on you."

"Great," he muttered, "what's another week in the infirmary, it's all part of John Sheppard's crappy life."

Carson looked at him and he didn't miss the sympathy in the Doctor's eyes, "I'm sorry lad, I know that this has been difficult for you, but it will get better."

"Really!" He shouted feeling his anger build, "you know what doc that's what you say every single time that I'm in the infirmary and you know what? I've been in the infirmary far too many times over the last eleven weeks, so I don't really think it's going to get better. I just have to accept that this is my life!" He felt total exhausted after his rant and strongly considered turning his back on Carson and going back to sleep.

"I don't know what to say lad, but if you would like to be left alone for a while, I'll be in my office."

"Thanks, Carson," he whispered, before turning his back away from his friend.

Feeling relieved that Carson had left he closed his eyes and wondered how his life had come to this yet again. He knew that it could be worse because the only new injury was the injury to his left leg, but that was on top of the barely healed right leg and his still-healing shoulder. Perhaps it was time to go back to earth this time. He'd been in the Air force for over twenty years now, so maybe it was time to retire, but then could he ask Teyla and Torren to leave the Athosian people behind and come to earth with him? That was probably a question for another time because right now he felt his eyelids drooping and it wasn't long before he fell into a deep sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carson left John's room and headed back to his office, he still had three hours until his shift ended, but he knew that he probably needed to contact Dr Robinson before then, because he was worried about John's mental state. The Colonel had spent most of the last eleven weeks injured, so it made sense that he was going to be suffering emotionally as well as physically. Perhaps he would see how it played out over the next few days and if things didn't improve, he would call in Doc Robinson to help out.

One thing he didn't know was that Colonel Sheppard was a very private man and would refuse to speak to a psychologist, but then he didn't really like to talk to anyone. Eventually, he would open up to his team, at least he had done in the past.

Sitting down at his desk he opened his computer ready to do some work, but he didn't get far before Dave and Teyla walked into the room along with Torren.

Sighing he looked up and addressed the three people standing in front of him, "what can I do for the three of you?"

"Unca Carson, we see DaddyWe see Daddy?" Torren asked with a sad look on his face.

"Aye, I think that will be okay lad, but Daddy is hurt and sad at the moment. I am sure that he will be happy to see you, though."

"I go now," Torren said, as he headed towards John's room.

"You go ahead darling and I will see come in a minute?" Teyla told her son.

Once Torren had left, Carson turned to Teyla and Dave, "John is not really in a very good mood at the moment, not that I blame him, he had spent most of the last eleven weeks in the infirmary."

"What can we do for him?" Dave asked and Carson could see the pain in his eyes.

"The same as you always do, just be there for him. We all know that eventually, he will open up to someone, we just need to be ready when he does."

"We will be there for him Carson, but for now can we go and see him?" Teyla pleaded.

"Yes, I will come with you and see if he needs anything," Carson suggested turning around and heading towards John's room, he just hoped that the others were following.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John was standing by himself in a small room and he had no idea why he was there. The room was cold, dark, and empty except for a small bed that had a small child laying on it, covered from head to toe in blankets. At one end of the room, there was a small fire burning.

He inched closer to the prone form lying on the bed, afraid of what he might see. Who was this person and what were they doing there and more to the point what the hell was he doing here? As he got closer a sense of foreboding overcame him and he almost turned around and ran out of the room, but something made him pull the covers back.

What he saw was terrifying, it was Dave as a child, and he was staring up at him with dull and lifeless eyes. It was all too much for him, so he opened his mouth and screamed….

He awoke to the sound of a child sobbing and he had no idea who it would be. His heart was pounding, he felt nauseous and he was trembling from head to toe, but he knew that he needed to find the sobbing child and make sure that he was alright before he thought about himself.

It didn't take him long to see Torren was looking up at him with fear in his eyes, "you right Daddy?"

"Hey Pal, don't worry about Daddy, he's fine," John replied trying to get the image of Dave lying dead out of his head.

"I go and get Momma," Torren suggested, with the look of fear still in his eyes.

"Momma, Daddy had a bad dream," Torren told Teyla as she entered the room along with Carson and Dave.

John felt terrible that he'd scared Torren, but right now he didn't really have time to think about it, because his stomach was really beginning to churn.

"How about we head back to my apartment to see Aunty Jane," Dave suggested to Torren, much to John's relief.

"Bye Daddy," Torren said as Dave carried him out of the room.

Now that Torren was gone, he could focus on trying to quell his churning stomach. Not to mention settling his mind after the horrific nightmare that he had just endured.

"How are you feeling Laddie?" Carson asked as he came up alongside him.

"Sick," was all he managed to croak out, before losing his stomach contents all over the bed and floor. Once his stomach was empty, he retched until he thought that his stomach was going to turn inside out.

"Don't worry it will be okay?" Carson soothed and for the first time, he realised that Carson was helping him sit up and was rubbing his back.

"I will go and get a nurse to help you clean him up," Teyla suggested, before leaving the room.

He lay there wondering if his day could get any worse than it was right now. He'd had a nightmare, scared his son, and threw up in front of Teyla, but then he knew that this was his life he was talking about and he knew that it could definitely get worse.

Half an hour later, when he'd been humiliated by Marie and Carson giving him a sponge bath and changing his sheets and gown, Teyla walked back into the room and sat beside his bed.

"How are you feeling John?" She asked as she took his hand.

"Just dandy, I scared my son and threw up in front of you, how the hell do you think I'm feeling?!" John ranted suddenly feeling very crappy.

"Torren is fine John if anything he is just worried about you."

"Well, I'll be fine," he started, while trying to calm himself down, "I just need to get out of here and get home to be with you and Torren."

"I know John, but Carson thinks it is for the best if you stay here for longer."

He sighed, not really wanting to continue with this conversation, "Would you mind leaving now Teyla, because for now, I would really like to be left alone."

"I will see you later my love, "she said as she leant down and kissed him on the cheek.

After watching her leave the room he closed his eyes, the pain in his leg was beginning to notch up again, so it was probably time for his pain meds. But the last thing he wanted now was to call the cheery Doctor into his room.

He still felt a little betrayed by Teyla and the fact that she'd pushed him away, when the device had changed him into a ten-year-old, so he knew that was something that he would have to come to terms with, shortly, but for now all he wanted to do was be by his self and go back to sleep.

Obviously, that wasn't going to happen in a hurry, because just as he was drifting off to sleep, he heard someone enter his room, "whoever you are please go away because right now I want to be left alone?"

"I was just wondering if you need anything for the pain, I'm going off duty and I was really wanting to spend some time with Claudia. Dr Keller is on duty tonight, so if you need anything she'll be in her office."

"I'm good for now."

"Alright then laddie, please try and get some rest and I'll see you in the morning?"

Turning his head to face Carson he tried to put a small smile on his face, but it probably looked more like a grimace, "goodnight doc, enjoy your evening."

Once Carson had left the room, he lay staring at the ceiling and wondering what he was going to do now, he knew that he didn't want to go to sleep again, but then he'd counted the spots on the roof way too many times in the last eleven weeks, so that would be boring. There was no-one to talk too because he'd scared them all away, so he closed his eyes and thought about his depressing life, which made him even more depressed. In the end, he managed to drift off into a restless sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Teyla left the infirmary and headed straight to Dave and Jane's apartment, she really wanted to know how Torren was doing, because she had sensed that he was afraid when he had been in to see John and although she knew that Torren loved John, he was also wary of his father when he was sick. By the time she reached Dave's apartment, she was so deep in thought that she almost missed it. What child would want to have to witness his father waking up from a nightmare?

"Teyla please come in?" Jane asked interrupting her thoughts.

Teyla looked up to see her sister-in-law standing by an open door, "Jane, I did not realise you were there, I was lost in my thoughts."

Teyla walked into the apartment and sat down at the kitchen table and she was surprised to find a cup of tea immediately placed in front of her, "thank you, Dave, how is Torren?" she asked getting straight to the point of her concern.

"He's just fallen asleep, although he was shaken up for a while, he couldn't understand why his dad was so upset," Dave explained coming to sit next to her with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

Teyla sipped on her tea, enjoying a moment of peace before she headed back to the infirmary to be with John, "do you mind if he stays with you for a bit longer, because I would really like to get back to John. I know that he does not want me around at the moment, but I would still like to be there for him when he wakes up."

"He is welcome to stay with us overnight, or for as long as you need him too. Your place is by John's side right now, so we can look after Torren, so you don't have to worry about him." Jane said and Teyla could hear the warmth in her voice.

Teyla sighed, as she took another sip of her tea. "I will sit and enjoy my tea first and then I must leave as soon as possible."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He inched closer to the prone form lying on the bed, afraid of what he might see. Who was this person and what were they doing there he doing here and more to the point what the hell was he doing here? As he got closer a sense of foreboding overcame him and he almost turned around and ran out of the room, but something made him pull the covers back.

What he saw was terrifying unlike before when it was Dave staring up at him, this time, it was him as a child, and he was staring up at him with dull lifeless eyes. It was all too much for him, so he opened his mouth and screamed….

He awoke with a start, to find that the infirmary was dark, and he was alone, which was okay by him because he hated anyone seeing him in this state. He knew that Carson already suspected that he'd been having nightmares, but there was no way that he was going to admit it because if he did, Carson would force him to see a therapist and he certainly didn't want to talk about his feelings right now.

He was disturbed a minute later by the night nurse coming round to check his vitals.

"Are you alright Colonel Sheppard?"

"I'm fine," he answered using his standard response.

"I'm going to give you your next dose of pain meds before I go off duty. If you need anything Dr Keller is her office."

"Thanks, he mumbled," feeling relieved when he felt the pain meds entering his system.

Once the nurse had left the room, he lay staring up at the dark ceiling. He knew that Keller was in her office since there was light on down the corridor; not that he really cared, as right now he was happy to be alone with his own personal misery, but he knew that he couldn't stay down forever and at some point, he would have to pick up to broken pieces of his life. For now, he would enjoy it though, because tomorrow was another day and maybe he would try to pick himself up and start thinking about the future.

TBC…