When the time comes, Shizuka feels a little more prepared to tackle the conversation ahead of him, but only just. He hangs back until finally Watanuki pushes him outside the room and closes the door on him, saying he will be late if he doesn't start walking. He doesn't want to. For a moment Shizuka sags a little against the door. Watanuki's knuckles rap sharply on the doorframe in both encouragement and warning, and Shizuka reluctantly walks away.

Ranka nods to him in greeting and Shizuka falls in step behind him. Ranka leads the way to a small family ramen restaurant, an old favorite of Shizuka's. They seat themselves and order without looking at the menu.

"As a child, this was the only place you could tolerate." Ranka looks out the window. "And it was your namesake's favorite too. I always thought that was odd. You both had very particular, well-proven tastes."

To Ranka, Shizuka's ancestor was always "your namesake."

Shizuka looks at his father, mute, and cannot speak.

"You have a secret, Shizuka my son." Ranka looks at him shrewdly.

Shizuka nods in assent.

Ranka puts his elbows on the table and leans with his chin on his hands. He says matter-of-factly, "It was that magician who drove your namesake to an early death."

A flash of light and heat crashes through Shizuka's skull, blurring his vision and setting off a buzzing in his ears—wrongness—rejection— "No," Shizuka blurts. He hands clench on the edge of the table. The buzzing fades.

Ranka narrows his eyes. "Can you be so sure?"

"He—he just— He isn't." Shizuka bites his lip to keep himself from saying more.

"You're hiding a secret, Shizuka."

Shizuka stares back desperately.

"I think I can guess what it is." Ranka lifts his head and folds his hands. "There's a piece of your great-grandfather's soul in you."

Shizuka's hands clench where they rest on his slate-gray slacks. "When did you… how did you find out…" he mumbles.

Ranka's expression clears. "So you are aware."

Shizuka stares at him wide-eyed. "When—"

"We have suspected since you were three." The table falls silent. "We had you checked as a child. By an onmyouji."

His skin crawls in cold realization. "Sumeragi?" Shizuka croaks.

Ranka nods. "That's right. He said it would be easier to separate you from your namesake when you were grown. That if your grandfather's spirit was separated from you, it would become a restless abomination. Forcing it to go would traumatize you, and at the moment it was not hurting you. But as time passed, his ghost would bleed into your destiny."

Shizuka shudders.

Ranka sits back. "As it is, this should have been dealt with long ago. I fear I left it too late, and you have been deceived."

"It's not like that," Shizuka insists. "We're separate people."

"Explain it to me."

Reluctantly Shizuka lowers his eyes and says, "He has history. I don't. I don't have access to his memories...although when he wants to, he can show them to me. Sometimes they show up in dreams."

"How long did you know he was there?" Ranka asked softly.

"Since I was…since I was fifteen." Shizuka's cheeks are burning, and he is grateful that Doumekis rarely blush, but it is all he can do not to squirm with acute embarrassment, pinned under Ranka's gentle questioning gaze like this. The truth is absurd and awful.

"And the magician?" says Ranka. "Your great-grandfather loved him. And you?"

"I—I too. We both, I— yes," Shizuka stammers through fumbling lips.

"I see. But can you call your feelings your own when they are influenced by your namesake?" Ranka steeples his fingers.

"We can have differences of opinion. I mean, we do think differently..." Shizuka tries to sound decisive.

"About what?"

Under the pressure, it's hard to remember. Shizuka drops his gaze back to the table. "A lot of things."

"Shizuka, how can I be sure your feelings are your own?" Ranka winces and drops his voice before saying, "Or that the magician hasn't bewitched you?"

"My word. Because I say so," Shizuka says, though his voice trembles. There is nothing else he can say.

Ranka takes in the answer in one slow blink. "Name one disagreement."

Shizuka thinks wildly, heart pounding, and still cannot raise his eyes to meet his father's. He can't remember. Sweat slicks his palms. "Archery." It isn't a good example.

"Archery," Ranka repeats.

"My namesake…resisted." After Shizuka had inherited the peachwood ring, and Watanuki explained the use of it to him…Watanuki had never suggested that Shizuka should train in the sport as such, but Shizuka had deemed it prudent. And it had come in handy. Sick dread slides to the bottom of his stomach. "It was the one thing of his that he didn't want me to touch." Shizuka looks away. "He wanted me to choose something else. I never quite found out why."

Ranka folds his arms in thought. "Interesting," he said finally. "Do you have another example?"

"I can't remember," Shizuka says quietly, curling his fingers in his lap. "It's a hundred small things every single day. None more memorable than any others. More differences when I was a child than now, but still. Sometimes I win. Sometimes he does. I don't keep track."

"Is it stressful?"

Shizuka shrugs. "It's all I've ever known."

Ranka doesn't miss the hesitation. "Go on."

Shizuka opens his mouth and closes it. Finally he says, "It may sound strange, but... I'm afraid living in my head would be difficult for me if he was gone."

Ranka says nothing.

"I've relied on him all my life. My head would be empty without him. I don't know if I could function. It would be like—like—" Shizuka reaches blindly for a metaphor.

"Like separating Siamese twins, and finding emptiness in your own mind," Ranka supplies.

"Yes." Shizuka looks up. "Like that."

"Would it make a difference to your grief to make a choice?"

Shizuka's heart pounds, once. "Yes."

"I know it is hard to be in two minds about something. Harder still when your feelings—"

It's too close. Shizuka stands abruptly, reeling. Not feelings—

"Sit down," Ranka says sharply. He gestures for Shizuka to take his seat again. "I'm sorry. You were just a child. Everything you did was in comparison to him. Your namesake lived a full life. You had no such experience or certainty of your own to fall back on. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and none of this is your fault. Under those circumstances, who could expect you to be that strong? But I know you, my son. You, Shizuka. I won't force you, but I know there is more for you to become."

Shizuka sits slowly. "I'm not strong."

Ranka laughs softly and shakes his head. "Yes, you are. You can't see it, but a lesser man would run away long before we had this conversation."

Shizuka looks up, shocked.

Ranka sighs. "If anyone is at fault, it is on myself and the rest of the family for not realizing sooner. And also that blasted magician of your namesake's..."

"Watanuki doesn't approve of...what my ancestor did either," Shizuka says stiffly.

Ranka remains disapproving.

"He's been looking for ways to help my ancestor move on. He didn't know before. I only told him this past year."

Ranka scoffs. "At least he shows a modicum of sense." Scratching the back of his neck, he lets his voice soften to frank firmness. "But then, he should not have touched you if he had known, my son. He's immortal. He will break your heart. It is inevitable." Ranka reaches across the table and covers Shizuka's fingers with his own, seeking to reassure, just for a moment. "I just...I don't want you to get hurt. But there has already been hurt."

Shizuka chooses not to respond to this. It is too painful, too sharp to be touched.

"How...how did you guess?" Shizuka asks dully, instead. "About me." The entire conversation has taken only a few minutes, but already he feels shattered.

"With observation and a little research. You were so similar to your namesake that everyone remarked on it, and I had to wonder... I asked my parents and your aunts and uncles everything I could about him. And I tested you. When you encountered a choice that your namesake never could have made before, you chose more easily. When you encountered something he remembered, you hesitated, and followed in his footsteps." Ranka shakes his head. When he continues, his voice is dry. "We had the onmyouji test you. His assessment was inconclusive. But when I saw the magician, I knew how you were hiding him from us, and I knew. Your mother and I aren't fools. We knew you had been drifting away somehow. But some things you must let your children figure out themselves, and since you didn't seem to be in dire trouble, we let it lie."

"Oh," Shizuka mumbles.

Ranka says intently, "Listen to me, Shizuka: I won't force my will on you."

Shizuka looks up.

"We will keep talking, of course, but if you won't consent to deal with your ancestor, then it won't be forced." Ranka folds his arms. "Nor can I force you to break up with the one you love. I know this is a sensitive thing to contemplate. All that I ask is that you take care of yourself and that we can speak about it. You don't have to carry this alone."

"Oh." Shizuka's shoulders relax.

Ranka smiles. "I think that's enough serious talk for now. Shall we chew on it as we eat?"

In fact, the waiter was coming around the corner just now. Ranka always had a sense for the timing of such things.

"All right," said Shizuka softly.

They ate with quiet concentration, and spoke no more of heavy matters.

"What did your father say?" Watanuki asks upon greeting him at the doorway.

Shizuka pushes past him and flops down onto the futon. "I'm a fool, thinking I could hide it all from him. He always... He knows everything."

"Shizuka..." Watanuki stops leaning on the doorframe and follows him into the room, closing the door behind him.

"He knows you're a magician, and an immortal, and that you loved my namesa— Doumeki. He doesn't trust you and he thinks you'll break my heart. He knows Doumeki is still in my mind."

Watanuki says gently, "He has reason to be afraid for you."

"I know that too..." Shizuka groans, as Watanuki kneels by the mattress and crawls to his side.

"I can tell he loves you very much." Watanuki stretches until his forehead is almost touching Shizuka's. I've never had that kind of family. And they're suspicious of me. His heart aches.

"...it hurts." Shizuka sucks in a breath. "It wasn't a bad meeting. Just..." I'm so afraid…

"I'll be with you, if you want."

"Please," Shizuka breathes.

Watanuki slides an arm around Shizuka's back and shoulders, and another under his neck, and holds him close. Shizuka closes his eyes and thinks of nothing for a while.