Chapter 16: Emotional healing begins.

When John awoke again, there was sunlight streaming through the infirmary windows and he revelled in the light and warmth that it brought to the sterile room that he had spent too much time in, recently. He had no idea how long he'd been asleep, but one thing he knew for sure was he felt a bit better than he did the night before. Looking around the room, he realised that he was alone, so obviously Teyla had gone home at some point, which didn't really bother him, because she needed to look after Torren and get some sleep herself.

The pain in his leg was muted, for now, so he lay back on his pillows and decided to go back to sleep again, seeing as Carson always told him that sleep was the best thing and for the moment, he really had nothing else to do. He was just beginning to doze off when he heard someone enter the room.

Opening his eyes, he looked to the door and was disappointed to see that Dr Eva Robinson was standing there with Keller.

"What can I do for you lovely ladies this morning?" He asked with a fake smile plastered across his face.

"I've just come to take your vitals," Keller stated, as she began to take his blood pressure.

"And what are you doing here?" He asked Dr Robinson, as calmly as he could, considering the circumstances.

"Don't worry Colonel; this isn't an official session or anything." She replied with a smile that looked genuine.

"I'll see you later Colonel," Keller told him, before leaving the room.

Once he was sure that Keller had left, he turned to the woman in front of him and put on his best smile, "and what would you like to talk about Doctor, the fact that a group of ascended wraith took over two of my best friend's bodies and tortured me, or perhaps how I was held hostage by the trust and tortured, or maybe the fact that I was turned into a child and abducted by a psychopath and when I managed to escape a large cat used me as a chew toy, or how about the fact that I've spent almost eleven weeks injured?" He was remarkably calm as he spoke, but in all truthfulness, he was about ready to explode.

A blank look crossed her face, "I know that the last eleven weeks have been very stressful for you and I haven't had a chance to talk to you?"

Really, he thought, I've been off of my feet for eleven weeks and now she wants to talk.

"Funnily enough I feel better than I have for the last eleven weeks and when I was on earth, I even saw a shrink and believe me that didn't help, so I'm not sure how you can help me." He told her and suddenly he was worried that he may have offended her, "no offence". He said still feeling angry, but he was beginning to calm down.

"Don't worry Colonel I know how you don't like to talk to me, but I would still like to make sure that you've been opening up to someone. You are giving me mixed signals, it seems as if you want to open up, but just haven't felt well enough to do so."

Great, he muttered, she's trying to psychoanalyse me, just like a shrink, "As usual, I will open up to my team when I am good and ready, so you don't have to worry about me!" He spat out, still trying to remain as calm as possible.

She nodded her head at him, "Keep in mind Colonel that you will have to see me before you can go back on active duty."

"Sure thing Doc," John said flippantly with a fake smile. He didn't really mind Eva as a person; it was just her profession that he wasn't a big fan of.

She narrowed her gaze and the look that she gave him scared him a little, "I'll see you in four to six weeks, to sign you off for active duty. But believe me, if I don't feel as if you're emotionally stable enough, you will have to talk to me then."

He nodded at her and watched her walk out of the room, feeling incredibly relieved that particular conversation was over.

He closed his eyes and started to take some deep breaths, hoping that it would calm him down a little. He still had no idea what the time was, but for now, he didn't really care. The pain in his leg was still muted and his head was feeling warm and fuzzy, so there was only one thing that he could do and that was to take another nap.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Teyla arrived in the gate room, just as the wormhole sprang to life. She had gone to meet Halling who was due to arrive on Atlantis. There were two reasons for her meeting him at the gate, one was that he was one of her dearest friends and two; she wanted to ask him about performing the bonding ceremony. If he were able to perform it for them, she would then talk to John about setting a date. She knew that he would want to have an earth wedding ceremony at some stage, but as she wanted to be bonded to him as soon as possible, this was simpler.

Halling emerged from the gate a few seconds later and she was happy to see that he was looking well, "Halling it is good to see you looking so well."

"Teyla what a pleasant surprise, I was not expecting you to greet me I thought that you would be in the infirmary with Colonel Sheppard."

"May I have a quick word with you? It is of the utmost importance."

"I have a meeting with Mr Woolsey in a few minutes, but if you would like I can talk to you now."

Woolsey was hovering in the background obviously waiting to see Halling, but there seemed to be no-one else around, so she took a deep breath and spoke to her friend as quietly as possible, "Colonel Sheppard and I have decided that we would like to undertake the bonding and I was wondering if you would be able to perform the ceremony for us?"

"I would be honoured to do so. I have been waiting for this for a long time." Halling replied with a huge grin on his face.

Teyla furrowed her brow in confusion, "what do you mean you have been waiting for this for a long time?"

"It was obvious from the first moment the two of you met that you were meant to be bonded. The Colonel has respected you for who you are, and allowed you to become all that you can be, and any man who can treat you as an equal is worthy of you. Although I was happy that you took up with Kanaan for a short time and Torren was the result, I am convinced that it was never meant to be. Kanaan is a farmer and Colonel Sheppard is a warrior, much like yourself."

"Thank you, Halling, I will let you know when we decide on a date."

He nodded and walked away, leaving her standing in the middle of the gateroom by herself. Did every know that John and I were supposed to be together except for us? She wondered, as she walked out of the gate room and headed to Amelia's quarters to pick up Torren.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next time John became aware, he realised that someone was sitting by his bedside and by the smell of the aftershave, he suspected that it was Dave. He was certainly glad it was someone he actually wanted to talk too and that certainly made him feel better than he had earlier. He didn't even bother to open his eyes to confirm if his suspicions were correct before he started talking.

"Hi Dave, what are you doing here?"

"How did you know it was me, little brother?"

"You've been wearing the same aftershave since you were a teenager. You used to say that the ladies loved it, but is that still true?" He smirked at his older brother and almost laughed when he saw the mortified look on his face.

"Umm…well, Jane loves it."

"At least some someone does." John teased, enjoying making his brother feeling uncomfortable.

"Speaking of the ladies, have you asked Teyla to marry you as yet, I have been carrying this ring round forever," Dave said pulling a ring out of his pocket.

For a moment he stared at the ring, it was his mother's ring and Dave had brought it with him when he had come from Earth, knowing that he wanted to give it to Teyla someday.

Suddenly he felt his cheeks getting hotter, as he blushed, "umm…I asked Teyla to marry me and she said yes, so perhaps you should give me that ring so that when I see her again, I can give it to her."

"Congratulations John, let me know if you need any help with wedding plans."

John immediately sensed that Dave wanted to take control, which was nothing new for Dave, he was always like that as a teenager, but now wasn't time to get into an argument, so for now, he just agreed with the sentiment, "sure thing brother."

He was relieved when Dave changed the subject, "how are you feeling John?" He asked with compassion in his eyes.

"I'm doing much better thanks Dave, how are you?"

"I'm not too bad, I have had a few nightmares since we've been back, but there's nothing I really want to talk about.

John shrugged, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable, "yeah I don't really want to talk about anything either."

They were saved from their discomfort when Carson entered the room, "how's the pain laddie?" Carson asked in his usual cheery voice.

"Honestly, it's beginning to notch up a little again Doc."

"I'll catch you later, John," Dave said slipping his mothers ring into his hand.

"What have you got there, Colonel," Carson asked once Dave had left the room.

He had half a mind to tell Beckett that it was none of his business, but then it wouldn't really hurt if one or two of his close friends knew about it, "I have asked Teyla to marry me and she has said yes, so this is a ring that I was going to give her. It was my mothers ring, so it holds special meaning for me," he said handing Carson the ring to have a look at it.

"It's beautiful John and congratulations. Now, I have some pain meds to give you and I suggest that you get some rest before lunch because I want to get you on your feet after lunch again."

"Great and who have you invited to see the show this time?" John asked sarcastically.

"I have invited Dave and Ronon, to help out again. Hopefully, it will go a bit better for you today than yesterday."

"I hope so too doc because I want to get out of the infirmary as soon as possible and get married."

"Well don't expect to get out of here within the week laddie, that leg still has a lot of healing to do," Carson told him with a firm look on his face.

"Whatever you say doc," he said suddenly feeling grumpy again, "now can I have some pain meds and go back to sleep again.

"I lad, I'll give you something and then you can go back to sleep until lunchtime."

A few seconds later John felt the tug of the IV as Carson injected something into it and it wasn't long before he felt a cool soothing liquid flowing through his veins. He watched his friend leave and then he closed his eyes again and it wasn't long before he fell asleep again.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Teyla rushed to the mess hall for lunch, with Torren holding her hand and trying to keep up. Hopefully, she would see her friends there and then she could tell them that she and John were engaged. She hadn't exactly discussed it with John, but it wouldn't hurt if she told a few of her closest friends would it.

Arriving in the mess hall she looked over and saw that Ronon, Rodney and Dave were sitting over at their usual table overlooking the ocean. She stopped by the serving table and grabbed some sandwiches for herself and some pizza for Torren and headed over to join them.

"How are you feeling this morning Teyla?" Dave asked taking her tray off of her and putting it on the table, while Ronon took Torren's tray and put him in a highchair.

"I am feeling well thank you, Dave," she told him when she was finally sitting down at the table. "Have you been in to see John this morning?"

"Yes, I went to see him before I came here, and he seemed happy enough," Dave smirked and she wondered whether John had told him anything.

"I'm going to see him after lunch, apparently the Doc wants to get him on his feet again today." Ronon provided.

"I guess I'll go and see him later this afternoon then," Rodney said looking a little sheepish, "I haven't had much of a chance to see him, because I have been so busy in my lab. Of course, it would go much easier if I had someone to activate ancient devices for me."

Before Rodney had a chance to go into a rant, or try and solicit Dave to help him, she decided that it was time to tell her friends her news, "I have the most wonderful news, John and I have decided to be bonded for the rest of our lives."

When a look of confusion crossed her friends' faces, she decided to rephrase her statement, "John and I are engaged to be married."

"Congratulations," Dave said kissing her on the cheek.

"About time too," "Ronon told her kissing her on the other cheek.

She felt slightly embarrassed at the affection coming from Dave and Ronon, but people were her family, and she knew that she had no reason to be. Looking at Rodney she realised that he had yet to give a response and was busy stuffing pizza into his mouth. The others appeared to be staring as well. She continued to stare until he looked up at her.

"Umm… that's great Teyla," he said before putting another piece of pizza in his mouth.

"Thank you for your kind words, Dr McKay, "she said sarcastically.

"You're welcome Teyla," he replied obviously oblivious to the sarcasm in her voice.

"Have you set a date for the wedding yet?"

"We have not discussed such details yet Dave. I was hoping to talk to him this afternoon about undertaking the Athosian bonding ceremony."

"We had something similar on Sateda," Ronon informed them.

"Boding Ceremony?" Dave asked and Teyla could see his confusion.

Rodney answered the question before Teyla even had a chance to open her mouth, "like a wedding."

Teyla could see that Dave was a little disappointed when he answered, "I guess you're the bride, so we need to respect your culture, but I still hope you choose to have a traditional earth wedding as well."

Teyla watched as Ronon's eyes narrowed at Dave, "wouldn't that be up to John and Teyla? It is their decision on what kind of ceremony they would like to undertake."

Not wanting to see an argument break out between her friends she quickly interjected, "thank you for all of your suggestions, but I will speak with John this afternoon and then I will let you know what we have decided."

"It's probably time we headed to the infirmary Dave," Ronon stated, standing up.

"You're right, let's go."

"I need to head back to my lab, so I'll catch you all later," Rodney said while stuffing one last piece of pizza into his mouth.

Teyla watched her friends leave one by one and then turned to her son, who had remained quiet during the entire meal and she was amused to find that he had more food on him than in him; as usual.

"Torren John, I believe that we will give you a bath this afternoon."

"Sure Momma," Torren replied, right before he started licking his fingers.

Teyla sighed, she really wished that John were here, because he easily turned bath time into a fun occasion for Torren, for her it always seemed to be a chore.

"Where Daddy?" Torren asked interrupting her thoughts.

"His leg is still very sore, so he is still in the infirmary."

"When he tum home?"

"I hope he will be home very soon sweetheart."

Grabbing a napkin, she started to try and wipe Torren's hands and face, but very quickly decided that she was fighting a losing battle. In the end, she picked up her son and carried him towards her apartment for a bath.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When John awoke again, he felt agitated for some unknown reason. He had enjoyed Dave's visit before lunch, and after lunch, he had tried to get on his feet again. It seemed to go much better than it had yesterday, much to his relief. The pain had been intense after his walk around the infirmary, but Carson had immediately given him his pain meds and then he had fallen asleep again.

He suspected that he was still annoyed by Heightmeyer's visit that morning. Talking to Teyla the night before had certainly helped him, but he knew that he really needed to talk to her again, and he especially needed to have a longer conversation with her about his feelings, which he knew would be difficult, as talking about how he was feeling was always difficult for him. For that, he could blame his father, as he had always told him that real men never tell people how they feel, and real men definitely never cried. But he had been working on opening up to people ever since he had been tortured by the wrath worshippers, he and Dave had certainly opened up to one another when he was on earth during his recovery from those events.

Wow! He thought I must be incredibly bored if I can spend so much time thinking about my emotions.

He didn't get to dwell on his thoughts for much longer, as Carson walked into the room and spoke to him in a loud cheerful voice.

"How are you doing this afternoon Laddie?"

"I'd be much better if you stopped being so cheerful or better still let me go home!" He shot back angrily, and he had to wonder where the anger came from.

The look on Carson's face could only be described as one of shock when he answered, "Colonel I know you're frustrated, but you don't have to take it out on me and as for when you can leave this place, you'll be happy to know that if you continue to improve physically I will release you to Teyla's care in a few days, but there is a condition though.

Of course, there's a condition, there's always a condition, "and what might that be doc?"

"You will talk to Dr Robinson and if I'm satisfied with her report you may complete your recuperation at home."

Sighing he nodded his head at his friend, he would talk to Robinson, but he certainly wouldn't tell her anything.

Carson's expression changed to one of compassion, "Aright, now that's settled, how's the pain?"

"Honestly, it's about seven right now."

"I'll give you some pain meds and then you can go back to sleep for a while before dinner."

It wasn't long before he felt the tug of the IV as Carson gave him his pain meds. Sighing he let himself close his eyes again hoping that he could have another nap before dinner, but that wasn't to be, because a few minutes after Carson had left someone else walked into his room and he was positive it was Teyla.

Opening his eyes, he turned to greet her, "hey Teyla."

"John, how are you feeling this afternoon?"

"I'm fine thanks sweetie," he said using his standard response.

Teyla looked at him with a worried look on her face and he wondered what her problem might be, so he remained quiet and gave her time to speak if she needed too. "Honey I hope you do not mind but I told our friends that we were engaged to be married."

If that was the only thing that was bothering her, she had nothing to worry about, "that's okay Teyla I may have told Carson and Dave as well." He knew that now was the time to give Teyla the ring, so he took it off the bedside table and held it out for her to look at. "Teyla I want the world to know that we are engaged, so I want to give you my mother's ring as an engagement ring. I want to give it to you because my mother was an important person in my life and now you have become one of the most important people in my life." He took a deep breath and held it wondering what her reaction would be, he hoped it would be a good one because he thought he'd sounded incredibly romantic.

He gave Teyla the ring and then he watched as she turned it over in her hands. It was white gold with a vine-like pattern all the way around and there were small, exquisite diamonds embedded in the pattern all the way around as well.

"John it is beautiful, and I want everyone to know that we are engaged as well, but what, of your military, what do you think they will think of us being engaged?"

"I will discuss it with Woolsey first and then I will talk to the military, but I don't really think it's any of their business."

He took the ring out of her hands, "Here let me put it on for you," he offered sliding the finger on to her ring finger on her left hand.

"It fits perfectly, thank you, John."

He watched her as she looked down at her feet and he knew that there was something else on her mind, so he came right out and asked her, "what is bothering you, Sweetie?"

"I may have spoken with Halling about us undertaking the bonding ceremony."

"I don't really mind Teyla, if that is what will make you happy, then I am all for it."

"But surely you would like an earth wedding as well."

"Yes, eventually I will, but don't forget I have been married before and I've had the big, grand wedding ceremony and that marriage didn't even last, so whatever we do this time I am happy for something small and simple."

"John, I hope you do not mind me asking, but what happened between you and Nancy. I know that it is probably none of my business, but I have often wondered."

She's right it is none of her business, he thought angrily and again he had no idea where his feelings of anger were coming from. She doesn't need to know what happened with Nancy, because I will do everything in my power to make this work.

Knowing that it was secrets that had destroyed his relationship with Nancy; not that he could have told Nancy anything about work even if he wanted too. He knew that he couldn't keep anything from her if he wanted things to last between them.

In the end, he decided that he shouldn't keep any of his past from Teyla, he trusted her, so why should he worry about telling her anything, so taking a deep breath he began to tell her about his past, "I met Nancy through one of my father's work associates and I was instantly attracted to her, she was smart and beautiful, what was not to like. A week later we were dating, and I couldn't have been happier and what was even better was that my father really liked her as well. A year after we started dating, we were married and things were going well for a while until I started doing special ops missions. I would come home from missions beat up or injured and I couldn't really tell her anything about what was going on, so she tried to talk me into leaving the air force, at one point I even considered what she was asking me.

A year after we were married, she started talking about having kids and I decided I would return to the States and take up an office position if it would make her happy, but in the end, she decided that she didn't want kids, so I remained in the air force and kept going on special ops missions, I continued to come home with secrets and eventually she left me and in the end, I concluded that she didn't want to be married to an air force pilot."

After his long speech, he felt incredibly exhausted and the pain in his leg was notching up a level, so he really didn't want to continue the conversation, but then he knew that if he didn't talk to Teyla now he probably never would.

"That is terrible John. I assure you that I will never keep secrets from you, and I hope that you will never keep anything from me. I know what you do, and I believe that I know who you are, and I promise you that I will do everything I can to make our bonding work."

"Me too," he replied softly, suddenly feeling totally wiped.

"Perhaps now you should rest honey," Teyla suggested, before kissing him on the cheek, "I will be back later and maybe if you are feeling better, I will come and bring Torren in to see you."

"But I still have so much to talk to you about. I still need to talk to you about what has happened over the last eleven weeks and how grateful that I am that you have been there for me all that time."

"We can talk tomorrow John when you have rested."

Nodding he watched her walk out of the room and before too long he felt his eyelids drooping. He had no idea whether Teyla came back with Carson or not because in five minutes he was fast asleep.

TBC…

As always, I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed and commented, I really appreciate your support.