Chapter 17: Release from the infirmary
John was wide awake and bored out of his brain, it had been two days since he'd given Teyla her ring and opened up to her about the tragedy of his last marriage and he'd barely seen her or his team since. Dave and Jane had been in on one occasion, but they seemed to be incredibly busy with work and they had been looking after Torren a lot of the time as well, so they didn't have a lot of spare time. The highlight of the last two days was that Torren had been in to see him and had even had an afternoon nap with him.
Apparently, there had been a meeting with the coalition of planets and Teyla, Ronon, Rodney and Woolsey had been off-world. The meeting had gone well, and they were all due back this morning and with a bit of luck, Carson was going to send him home after lunch.
The last two days had gone incredibly slowly for him, as there wasn't really much he could do, Carson had had him on his feet each day and his leg seemed to be growing stronger every day, Claudia was still back on earth caring for her sick mother, so he'd had a physical therapy session the day before with a temporary physical therapist that the SGC had sent to Atlantis until her return. By the time dinner came around the night before his leg and shoulder were screaming in agony, so he was glad when Carson gave him his pain meds and he was happy to fall into drug-filled oblivion for the rest of the night.
When he had awoken this morning, he was surprised to find pancakes with maple syrup and whipped butter. Carson had delivered it with his usual cheerful smile, given him pain meds and went about his doctor business.
He really had no idea what to do right now, he'd played video games, done sudoku books, watched movies on his laptop, and listened to music and now he was so bored doing those things that he wanted something else to do. He'd already counted the dirty marks and blemishes on the floor and walls hundreds of times, so there was no way he wanted to do that again, and there's no way he wanted to go back to sleep because that's all he'd done for most of the last eleven weeks.
Frustration had been his constant companion, but no-one had been around for him to vent his anger towards, except for Carson and Keller and at times he'd felt like throwing something at them, but he knew that if he threw a temper tantrum, Carson would keep him in the infirmary forever and he would have to have multiple therapy sessions with Robison, which was something he refused to do.
Right now, he desperately wanted to talk to Teyla or his team. Maybe I can have them all over for dinner and I can express my frustrations to them. Perhaps I'll invite Dave over as well and then I can shout at him too. He had so many thoughts running through his head right now that he just wanted to flick a switch and get his life back to the point it was before all of this mess started. In fact, if he could just go back to a time before they had come back to the Pegasus galaxy and stay on earth, he would be immensely happy. But then he knew that he could never abandon the people of Pegasus, while the wraith were still rampaging through the galaxy.
It was getting to the point where he thought that his brain might explode when Keller walked in with Robinson in tow.
"Ladies," he acknowledged.
"How's the pain, Colonel?" Keller asked as she proceeded to take his vitals.
"It's fine for the moment thankyou Doctor."
"Alright then, I will leave Eva to talk to you, before lunch and then if I'm satisfied with her report you can be released to your apartment this afternoon."
"Sure thing Doc," John said as he watched her leave the room.
Once Keller had left, John turned to Eva and smiled, "what would you like to talk about today Doctor?"
"As I have said before I am not expecting you to open up to me, I just want to know that you are willing to speak to your friends."
Suddenly he felt angry again, why were they off going on missions and living their lives and he was stuck in the infirmary talking to a shrink, he didn't even want to think about what Dave might be up to right now. Even though he was still on Atlantis Dave and Julia seemed to be ignoring him.
Trying to calm himself, he looked at Doc Robinson with a blank look on his face, "of course if they were here, I would definitely talk to them."
Robinson looked at him with a hint of compassion in her eyes, "I'm sorry Colonel, but unfortunately there is a group of scavengers that are terrorising some of the coalition planets and a meeting needed to be held to discuss what was to be done about them."
That he knew, Teyla and Woolsey had informed him of what was going on before the mission, but that certainly didn't make it any easier for him, "I already knew that, but it doesn't change the fact that I am in the infirmary, injured yet again and they are off-world doing important work!" He shouted at her, even though he felt calm a few seconds ago, his anger was rising again.
A look of frustration flashed across her face and as quickly as it had appeared it was gone and she was staring at him with a blank look on her face again.
"I am sorry Colonel Sheppard that they are not here, but when they get back from their mission you really need to speak with them."
"You're sorry, what are you sorry about!?" His anger was boiling over by this point and he picked up a glass and threw it across the room before continuing, "the fact that I have been tortured, beat up and turned into a child, or the fact that no-one is here to help the poor broken Colonel!? I have had enough of talking to you now, so can you please leave before I throw something else at you?!"
Taking a deep breath to try and settle himself, he glared at her until she left the room. He knew that he would probably have to have some intense sessions with her after that outburst, but for now, he felt a little better. Feeling tears brimming in the corner of his eyes, he closed them afraid to let the tears fall, Teyla was the only one he was willing to cry in front of and for now she wasn't here.
He was on the verge of falling asleep when someone entered the room, sighing he opened his eyes and realised that Carson was standing by his bed, "what can I do for you, Doctor Beckett?"
"I've just come on duty and I was wondering if you needed anything, Eva told me that you were upset."
He thought about shouting at his friend, but very quickly decided that wouldn't achieve anything, "no thanks Doc, I think I'll try and go back to sleep for a while."
"Okay Laddie, I'll get Marie to clean up the mess over by the wall and then perhaps you can go back to sleep until lunchtime."
"Thanks, Doc," he said suddenly feeling exhausted.
Once Carson had left the room, he closed his eyes again, he had a sneaking suspicion that he would be stuck in the infirmary for a while longer after his little outburst, but that didn't bear thinking about right now, so he quietened his mind and it wasn't long before he fell into a restless sleep.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Teyla rushed through the halls of Atlantis, as she was due in the infirmary to take John home. It had been a long two days and she was happy to be home again to see her fiancée and her son. After picking John up and taking him home Dave was going to bring Torren home, and for the first time in three weeks, they would be together as a family again.
She arrived in the infirmary a few minutes later to find that Carson was sitting alone in his office, "how is John?" She asked.
"The same as he was when you left, frustrated and angry. Mind you until today he's never thrown anything."
There was incredible sadness in her voice as she replied, "I do not think that the team and I going off-world would have helped his mood, but what are we supposed to do, we still have work to do, and I still have a son to look after?"
"Just go and be with him now Lass and make sure you spend as much time as possible with him over the next couple of days."
"Is he awake?"
"I think he's asleep, it has been a frustrating morning for him. Hopefully, he will feel better when he wakes up."
"Perhaps I will sit with him until he wakes up Carson."
"Let me know when he wakes up and then I'll check on his wound before you take him home and can you try and make sure he eats something when he gets home, as he hasn't had any lunch."
She nodded at Carson and left his office, heading for John's private room. She'd really missed him when she had been off-world and she really wished she'd been able to be there for him during what must have been a difficult time.
Arriving in John's private room she was unhappy to see that John was thrashing about in his bed and his brow was furrowed. Just as she was about to call Carson John seemed to settle down again, so she sat next to him and held his hand, hoping that he would feel comforted by her presence. She'd told Woolsey when they'd arrived back on Atlantis that she wouldn't be going off-world again until John was one hundred percent healed, as she really needed to be there for her fiancée and reluctantly Woolsey had agreed.
She had informed Woolsey that she and John were engaged before they had gone on the mission and he had promised not to tell Stargate command until John was well enough to tell them himself.
Sighing she looked down at the man she loved and sent up a prayer to the ancestors that when he was well, he would never be injured again.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dave settled back into his recliner chair after putting Torren down for his afternoon nap. It had been an exhausting few days with Teyla off-world and having to look after Torren. Normally it didn't bother him having to look after his nephew, but Jane had been unwell for the last few days and she'd spent most of her time in bed, leaving him to do his job, look after Jane and take care of Torren.
He knew that John needed him as well, but he'd had little time to visit with his little brother and he felt incredibly guilty about it. From what Carson had told him, John was extremely frustrated and angry and needed a friendly face. Although he'd tried his best to be there for him, Dave still had a wife to look after and if he didn't look after Torren, Teyla would wonder why.
Jennifer was in with Jane right now, giving her an examination to try and ascertain why she felt so unwell, he had his suspicions, but how would he really know what was going on, because he wasn't a doctor.
"His thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later when Keller came out of Jane's room, "Dave, Jane would like to talk to you for a while."
He looked at the doctor trying to get an inkling of what may be wrong with his wife, but her face was expressionless, "how is she doc?"
"She really wants to talk to you. Perhaps you'd better ask her."
"She's not dying is she Doc?" Dave asked suddenly feeling worried.
"Go and talk to her and I'll see myself out and no she's not dying."
Smiling at the doctor he turned around and headed down the hall to the bedroom he shared with his wife. Upon arrival, he saw that Jane was laying on her back and staring at the ceiling and she had a grin from ear to ear.
"Are you alright Jane?" He asked sitting next to her on the bed.
"How would you like to be a Father Dave?"
His eyes misted over as he looked at his wife, "are you pregnant?"
"Jennifer has just done a blood test to confirm it, but we're fairly sure that I'm about six weeks pregnant."
"That is wonderful news, Jane. Is that why you've been feeling so unwell for the past few days?"
"Yes, and unfortunately Jennifer says that it may last another five or six weeks at least."
"I will continue to look after you for as long as I need to," Dave told her with a huge grin on his face.
"I will be alright Dave, perhaps you might need to make sure that you have some time for your brother. I understand that Teyla and the rest of his team have been off-world, so he has spent a lot of time alone without much support over the last couple of days."
"Do you mind if I tell John that he's going to be an uncle when I see him this afternoon? Perhaps that will cheer him up a little, at the very least he may understand while I've been absent for the last few days."
"Yes, I think we should tell him because as for the moment I'm feeling a bit better, I will come over to his apartment this afternoon when you drop Torren off."
"Sounds good to me, but for the moment Torren is asleep and I feel incredibly exhausted, so I might as well lie next to my beautiful wife and have a nap."
"I don't have a problem with that," Jane replied as she snuggled up alongside him.
Dave closed his eyes, it had been a long time since he'd had a nap in the middle of the afternoon, but since he could catch up with his work anytime he wanted, he decided that now was as good as time as any.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John was standing by himself in a small room and he had no idea why he was there. The room was cold, dark, and empty except for a small bed that had a small child laying on it, covered from head to toe in blankets. At one end of the room, there was a small fire burning.
He inched closer to the prone form lying on the bed, afraid of what he might see. Who was this person and what were they doing there and more to the point what the hell was he doing here? As he got closer a sense of foreboding overcame him and he almost turned around and ran out of the room, but something made him pull the covers back.
What he saw was terrifying Torren was lying in the bed, and he was staring up at him with dull lifeless eyes. It was all too much for him, so he started to sob, all the while calling his son's name. Looking closer he realised that someone was lying in bed with Torren and it didn't take him long to realise that it was Teyla, so he started to sob louder calling hers and Torren's names over and over again…
He awoke with a start to find that his heart was pounding, there was sweat pouring off his forehead and to make matters worse he felt nauseous. Laying still with his eyes closed he tried to swallow the bile that was rising to the back of his throat, but it didn't seem to be working. It wasn't long before he felt gentle hands helping him sit up and someone was rubbing his back. A dish was placed under his chin, just as he lost his stomach contents.
When he had finally finished retching, he was laid back down and someone had taken the dish away from him, he opened his eyes to find the worried faces of Carson, Jennifer and Teyla looking down at him.
He looked up at Teyla and could see compassion in her eyes, so he thought he'd better say something before Carson started asking questions. "Sorry, had a nightmare."
"Don't worry laddie, that's understandable." Carson soothed, which confused him because he was expecting Carson to ask him about the nightmare.
"How's your pain Colonel?" Jennifer asked while taking his pulse.
"It's fine for now," he answered wanting to get rid of the two doctors so that he could speak to Teyla alone.
"Okay then Laddie, we'll leave the two of you alone for a while. I'll come back in and hours to give you your final check-up before I release you." Carson said, before patting him on the shoulder and leaving the room and much to John's relief Jennifer soon followed.
When he was sure that both doctors had left, he looked at Teyla and smiled, "I missed you so much Teyla."
"And I have missed you too John. Now, do you want to tell me about the nightmare you just had?"
Suddenly he felt uncomfortable, how was he going to tell Teyla about the nightmare without admitting he was an emotional mess, but then he remembered that he was not going to keep secrets from her, so he needed to tell her something.
"Umm….It….was…the…Ummm….," he took a deep breath before continuing, knowing that he had to tell Teyla exactly what was going on, "It was the same nightmare that I had the other night before I sobbed in your arms."
There he'd said it if Teyla thought he was weak and that he couldn't protect her and Torren, she was welcome to leave him. He looked down at his feet and suddenly felt embarrassed.
Teyla's gentle whisper, grabbed his attention, "John, please look at me?"
He looked up at her and she gently pushed a lock of hair off of his forehead and the contact brought him great comfort.
"I do not think that you are weak for crying or expressing your emotions, you have been through a lot in the last eleven weeks. You have also been on Atlantis for over six years now and in that time, you have been fed on by an Iratus bug, turned into a bug, and been fed on by a wraith on more than one occasion, this makes you one of the strongest men I have ever known, and I know that you would give your life for Torren, me, or anyone else on Atlantis. Not to mention you have put your life on the line many times for people you do not even know."
It brought him a small amount of comfort that she trusted him with her life, but he didn't really feel as if he could protect anyone right now and he wondered whether he would ever be able to again, "I hope you're right about me Teyla because believe me when I say I don't feel that strong at the moment."
"John you will get well, and Ronon, Rodney, Carson, Dave and Jane are here to help you as well. We are your family and friends, and we will always be available to help you."
He really found himself becoming angry at Teyla's comment, "really, while you were off-world Dave and Jane barely came to visit me, so I must say that I'm a little disappointed in them. I needed them both over the last two days and they could only find time to visit me once and that was the day you left and to make matters worse, I've barely seen my sone since I've been in the infirmary!"
"I do not know why they have not come to see you, but maybe you can talk to them when they drop Torren off this afternoon." Teyla suggested in a calm soothing voice.
She was probably right, but it didn't do anything to alleviate the anger he was feeling, "and while I'm at it, why did you have to go off-world, couldn't Woolsey handle the meeting alone, or is he not as good at negotiations as he claims to be!?"
"Mr Woolsey wanted me to be there as the Athosian representative and believe me when I say that I am not going anywhere until you are one hundred percent well," Teyla said soothingly.
Again, her soothing tone made him feel angry, but deep down he knew he was being selfish, he was still having the same old John Sheppard pity party that he'd been having for weeks now. Perhaps he'd been having it a lot longer than that, maybe that's why he had gone on all of those suicide missions over the years. It was certainly something for him to think about.
"You're probably right Teyla and I don't really want to talk about it right now. What I really want is to get out of here and go home. Do you think that you could go and get Carson so that he can release me?"
"I will press the call button and hopefully he will come straight away."
Closing his eyes again he waited in silence, until Carson entered the room and spoke in his usual loud cheery voice, "right then Laddie, let's do one final check on your leg and then you can go home with your lovely wife."
Opening his eyes, he glared at his friend, "just get it over with doc, so I can get out of this place."
"I'll be as quick as I can Laddie," Carson said before turning to Teyla, "can you go and get the wheelchair lass and then I can check his leg wound and help him get dressed."
"He's right here and is quite capable of getting dressed!" John growled.
"You can try if you like Colonel, but don't damage that leg of yours."
He didn't even bother to reply to that comment, so he just lay back, while Carson poked and prodded his leg and when he poked a particular tender spot he hissed with pain, "have you finished poking and prodding me yet!?"
"No need to get angry with me laddie," Carson replied to his outburst, "the more you shout and yell at people the more I'll be convinced that you need to see Eva in and official capacity."
"I'm sorry doc," he replied, "I'm just feeling incredibly frustrated."
"I know you are Colonel. I have finished my examination and your leg is healing fine, so I suggest you get dressed and then you may leave. I have already given Teyla a list of instructions and your pain killers."
"Really Doc, couldn't you have just given me the list?"
"Sorry John, but we all know how well you follow my orders, so I thought if I spoke to Teyla she would make sure you did the right thing."
The last thing he wanted to do right now was to get into a full-blown argument with the doctor, so he closed his mouth and waited for the doctor to leave. Once he was sure that Carson had left the room, he tried to get himself dressed and when Teyla returned fifteen minutes later with the wheelchair he had managed the feat, it had left him feeling totally exhausted, but at least he had managed to do it by himself.
He managed to get into the wheelchair by himself and was relieved when they finally left the infirmary for the first time in almost two weeks.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Jane are you ready to go and drop Torren off now. I really want to talk to John as soon as possible, because I sense that he may have some abandonment issues to deal with right now?" Dave asked his wife while knocking on the bathroom door, where she had locked herself five minutes earlier.
Jane's muffled voice came from the other side of the door, "I don't really think I'm up to going to see anyone right now Dave. Perhaps you should go alone?"
"Are you sure you don't mind if I go alone, darling? If you want me too, I can stay here with you for a bit longer."
"It's fine Dave. Like you said John probably has some abandonment issues right now, so perhaps you should go."
"If you're sure darling, I will drop Torren off and visit for half an hour or so and then I will come home."
"I'll catch you later Dave and hopefully, I'll feel better by the time you get back."
Dave was about to say goodbye when he heard her retching into the toilet again, he almost felt guilty for what she was going through, and he was positive that she would blame him at some point in the near future.
He walked into the lounge room just as the door chimed, "come in," he called and opened the door with a thought. How he loved having the ancient gene.
The door opened to reveal Ronon and Amelia, "Hey guys what are you doing here?"
"Teyla wants us to take Torren for a few hours, but she says to tell you that Sheppard wants to speak to you," Ronon informed him in his usual gruff tone.
"I'll just go and get Torren then," Dave told them.
Before he had a chance to leave the room Torren came bounding out of his room, "Aunt Melia, Unca wonan!" He exclaimed with excitement.
"Hey buddy, do you want to come and watch us spar?"
"Yay, Unca Wonon!" Torren squealed.
"Grab your things and then we'll head off to the gym," Amelia suggested with a smile.
David watched on as Ronon and Amelia interacted with Torren and he wondered whether he would be as good with his own kids as these two were with Torren. He knew that he was a good uncle, but he had to wonder whether he would be a good father.
He shrugged his shoulders and followed them out of his apartment, knowing that John would probably not be happy with him when he saw him.
TBC…