Chapter 18: Tempers fray.
John relaxed into his lazy boy recliner and put the footrest up and it wasn't long before puss decided to curl up on his lap. Puss had been scarce for the last few days and he had obviously found a few hiding places throughout the city, it was no secret that Puss loved John more than anyone else.
It felt incredible to be home again and he knew tonight that he would be heading to bed with his fiancée and very soon Torren would be home to spend the evening with him. The thought of being with his family again made him immensely happy, but there was one thing he needed to do before he settled down for the evening, he needed to confront Dave and ask him why he'd been so scarce over the last few days. Teyla had asked him to hear his brother out, but there was absolutely no excuse that he could think of, as to why his brother hadn't come to see him. Perhaps Dave was disgusted in him and his ability to protect his family and if that were the case, perhaps it was time he went back to earth and retired.
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard his brother talking to him, how had Dave gotten there? He didn't even hear the door chime.
"Sorry Dave what did you say?"
"I'm sorry for not being here for you over the last couple of days, I know that with Teyla and your team off-world that you really needed me, and I just wasn't there for you."
John knew that he'd promised Teyla that he would listen to what Dave had to say, but suddenly he felt angry again, "I've barely seen you in two days and all you can say is that you're sorry!?
He scowled at his brother and waited for a response, and it wasn't long before he got one.
"Umm….," was all that came out of Dave's mouth and the look on his face John could only describe as utter bewilderment.
Thinking about shouting back, he just stared at his brother thinking of the right words to say and then he realised that although Dave had been absent over the last two days, he'd been there for him over the last six or seven weeks. It was at that point that he decided to take Teyla's advice and listen to Dave.
"I'm sorry Dave, I know that you're busy and probably have a perfectly good explanation as to why you and Jane haven't visited." For the first time, he realised that Jane wasn't in the room, "speaking of Jane, where is she?"
"Jane has been feeling unwell for a few days and I have needed to look after her and Torren. That is why I haven't had much time for you little brother?"
"She's not dying, or anything is she?" John asked suddenly feeling worried.
"That's exactly what I asked Doc Keller after she'd examined her and no she's not dying, she's having a baby."
Wow, he thought, I'm going to be an Uncle. His thoughts sobered and he chastised himself for being so selfish. He remembered back to when Teyla was first pregnant and how sick she'd been. Kanaan and the Athosians had been taken prisoner by Michael around that time, so he had spent a good deal of time looking after her when she couldn't look after herself. Although he had been annoyed when he had first found out Teyla was pregnant, it didn't take him long to realise that she needed a friend and not a judgmental self-centred jerk.
Looking at his brother, he realised that he was waiting for a response, "Dave that is fantastic news, I am so happy for you," and if he could have stood up and given his brother a hug he would have.
Just at that moment, Teyla came into the room, "what is good news, John?"
"Dave and Jane are going to have a baby, which means you are going to be an Aunty."
Teyla's face lit up and a huge grin crossed her face, he loved it when she smiled.
"Dave I am so happy for you and Jane. How is Jane feeling?" Teyla asked with a look of concern on her face.
"As I was telling John, she has been quite ill for the last few days that's why I haven't been able to visit him as much as he would have liked me too."
In an instant his good mood was gone, the way Dave had phrased his comment made him seem like a selfish jerk and perhaps he was right, but it didn't change the fact that he had been to hell and back over the last eleven weeks, although, it was closer to thirteen now. He had no idea what to do or say, so he just closed his mouth and didn't bother to say anything, knowing that if he opened his mouth, he would say something he may regret, but what the hell he'd say it anyway.
"I'm sorry for needing my brother at a difficult time in my life, but if that makes me sound like a selfish jerk, well you can just leave!" He scowled at his brother, hoping that he would get the message and leave. He was out of control by this point and he knew that if he'd had something to throw at his brother he would have, "when I say leave, I mean get out now, and don't come back until I tell you too!"
He watched with great satisfaction, as Dave left his apartment with his tail tucked between his legs. It felt so good to shout and yell at someone and if anyone else annoyed him, shortly he would yell at them too.
Once Dave was gone, he got to his feet and staggard down the hall to his bedroom, he knew that Carson would probably kill him for walking around without his walking cast on, but he didn't care, he was so angry right now that he was on the verge of tears.
By the time he reached his room, his leg was screaming, so he threw himself on his bed and let the tears come. He had been through so much over the last six and half years and he'd had enough, perhaps it was time he retired and went back to earth, he was in his forties now and had given the air force twenty years of his life and right at that moment he didn't care whether Torren and Teyla came to earth with him or not, they were probably better off without him anyway. He knew that he'd have to get a grip eventually and make some hard decisions, but for now, he decided to wallow in self-pity some more, and when Puss came up and snuggled up to him a few minutes later, he felt incredibly comforted by the big ginger cat.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Teyla stood with her mouth open watching the scene unfold in front of her and she couldn't quite believe what was happening. One minute John seemed excited about the prospect of becoming an Uncle and then in a split second, his mood changed.
She was frozen to the spot as Dave stormed out of their apartment and John stumbled to their bedroom and she had no idea what she was going to do next. Perhaps she needed to talk to Eva and Carson and ask them for suggestions on how to help John. He certainly wasn't acting rationally right now, but she couldn't really blame him.
Eventually, she moved from her spot and went and sat down in the recliner chair, she knew that Ronon and Amelia would be there to drop off Torren in a few minutes, so it was probably a good time to call a meeting.
Tapping her earpiece, she called Carson, "Teyla to Carson, come in please?"
"What can I do for you, Lassie?" Carson asked and Teyla thought that he sounded exhausted.
"I would like to talk to you and Dr Robinson about John, I am not sure how to help him and I would like some suggestions?"
"I'm in the infirmary at the moment, I'll call Eva and then maybe we can meet in my office in twenty minutes."
"I will see you then Teyla out."
What was she supposed to do now, she didn't really want to leave John alone, but then it probably wasn't a good idea for Torren to be around John when he was in this kind of mood. If she had to describe his demeanour right now, she would describe it as dark and unfortunately, it was getting worse, not better.
She was startled out of her thoughts when the door chime sounded, standing to her feet she crossed the distance to the door and opened it to reveal Amelia, Ronon and Torren standing outside.
"Momma, where Daddy?" Torren asked, walking through the door.
"Daddy is not feeling well so he has gone to have a sleep," Teyla said as calmly as possible.
"I see him?" Torren asked using his best puppy dog eyes.
She looked up at Amelia with hopeful eyes, "I think that he would like to be alone right now, but would you like to go and have some dinner with Aunt Amelia, I believe, there is meatloaf and mashed potatoes tonight?"
"You tum Momma?"
"I need to see Dr Beckett, in a few moments, but I will come and get you when I'm finished."
"Otay Momma," Torren said turning to look at Amelia.
"I'll stay and keep an eye on Sheppard," Ronon offered, before sitting down in the recliner chair.
"Alright, then Torren let's go and get some dinner," Amelia said picking Torren up.
Once Amelia and Torren had gone, Teyla turned to Ronon, "John is in a very dark place at the moment, so I would advise leaving him alone for the moment," she suggested seriously.
"Don't worry Teyla I know how to handle Sheppard, why don't you go to your meeting and I'll see you when you get back."
Taking one last look at Ronon she exited her apartment, hoping that Ronon might be able to talk some sense into John, she knew that if anyone could he could.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dave was furious after he'd left John and Teyla's apartment, how could his brother treat him like that when he had just given him the most fantastic news. John was acting like a spoilt brat, just like he did when he was a teenager, except this time his father wasn't around pushing his buttons.
He really had no idea what he was going to do next, he didn't really want to go home to Jane in the mood he was in, and he wasn't really feeling hungry either, so perhaps he would head to the gym for a while.
Arriving in one of the gym rooms a few minutes later, he was relieved to find that it was empty, as the last thing he wanted right now was to have to deal with people.
Walking up to the punching bag in the middle of the room he started to hit it as hard as he possibly could, he knew that he had a lot of frustrations to get out. When he imagined it was John's head he started to punch it even harder and before too long he started to kick the bag as well.
He had no idea how long he kept kicking and punching the bag, but he was beginning to feel fatigued and still, he didn't stop. He knew that his hands were bruised and bleeding by this time, but still, he kept going. By this time he was angry with his father, for the rift that he had caused between him and John. They had been very close and boys, but when Patrick Sheppard had introduced him to the business, he had been sucked in by his father's charm and the thought of having lots of money had excited him as well.
Eventually, he was exhausted and his hands stung badly, so he decided to stop. Looking down at them he realised that they were bruised and bleeding badly and it was probably a good idea for him to go to the infirmary, he knew that he'd go at some point, but for now, he just sat on the floor and rested. Tears were brimming in his eyes as he thought about all the wasted years he could have had with John and he made up his mind then and there that he would be there for his brother no matter what, even if it meant John shouting at him.
Closing his eyes he decided that it wouldn't hurt him to rest for a while before he headed off to the infirmary and it wasn't long before he fell into a restless sleep.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Teyla arrived in the infirmary twenty minutes after she had spoken to Carson over the radio. Eva was there and she was surprised to find that Woolsey was as well.
"Please come in and sit down Teyla?" Woolsey said with a grim look on his face.
"How is John?" Eva asked once she'd sat down.
"I do not know what to do for him, he seems to be very angry and very frustrated at the moment and I feel that his last outburst may have irrevocably damaged his relationship with his brother.
"All you can do for now is let him scream and shout, believe it or not, it's actually helping him come to terms with what has happened to him and as for his relationship with his brother I believe that they will work it out," Eva answered in a gentle voice.
"In all the time that I have known him I have never seen him this angry, is it normal?"
"Yes, it's perfectly normal for someone who has been through extreme trauma to act this way. Eventually, he should be able to come to terms with what has happened to him and move on, if he can't we may have to consider a different approach."
"How is his leg?" Carson asked with a look of concern on his face.
"I do not know, when he stormed out of the lounge after he argued with Dave, he was walking on it without his walking cast."
She watched as the look on Carson's face changed, and she thought she heard him mutter idiot under his breath.
"I will come and check on him later, for now, I am going to get something to eat."
Teyla nodded at him suddenly feeling hungry herself, "I think I will go and get some food to take to John. I will also take a look at his leg and if there seems to be a problem I will give Doctor Keller a call."
"I'll be on duty for another two hours, but after that, if you need anything Dr Keller will be on duty," Carson replied getting to his feet.
She had almost forgotten that Woolsey was there until he got to his feet and spoke, "Well then, if there is nothing else, I'll head back to my quarters for the evening."
Eva then stood up and said her goodbyes, leaving Teyla sitting in Carson's office with him.
"Right lassie, how about we go to the mess hall and grab something to eat, perhaps you can take something back for that fiancée of yours then."
"Sounds like a wonderful idea Carson, "she said sounding happier than she actually felt.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John lay staring at the ceiling he had no idea how long he'd been crying, but he felt all cried out for the moment and he had no idea what he was going to do next. He considered sending his resignation to General Landry, but his leg was screaming, and he didn't really have the energy to go and get his computer from his home office. Puss had been beside him when he went to sleep but was no longer there, he had no idea where he had gone, but right now he didn't really care.
He was about to close his eyes and go back to sleep when someone turned the lights on in his room, "go away," he mumbled to whoever was in his room with him. He knew that it wasn't Teyla because she would have announced her presence.
"Have you finished your temper tantrum Colonel Cry baby?"
Rolling his head to the side he scowled at his friend, "What did you just call me?"
"I called you Colonel Cry baby."
He felt his anger rising, Ronon had no idea what he'd been through over the last thirteen weeks, "and why did you call me a baby?"
"Because you're acting like one."
That just infuriated him even more, "do you have any idea what I've been through over the last thirteen weeks or the last six years for that matter!?
Ronon continued to taunt him, "poor little Colonel baby, he's been, beat up and tortured and now he wants to have a pity party and make everyone suffer for what has happened to him!"
"You know what?!" Sheppard shouted, "I don't have to sit here and listen to you talk down to me, I'm getting out of this bed and going for a run, and don't you dare follow me!"
When Ronon burst out laughing, it was the final straw, he got himself out of bed, barely aware of the fact that his injured leg was screaming at him. Stumbling down the hall he reached the living area, but he didn't see the pair of boots that he'd left in the middle of the floor and he somehow managed to trip over them. He landed on the floor with a thud, which made his leg scream even louder, but he wasn't beat yet, so he tried to get to his feet with little success, so he just rolled on his back, closed his eyes, and moaned.
When he opened his eyes, he saw that Ronon was leaning over him looking concerned, "do you feel better now Sheppard?"
"No!" He shot back, "but tell me what the hell are you still doing here, can't a man be left on his own for five minutes?"
"Looks like you've torn some stitches, I'm going to call Doc Beckett," Ronon stated and John was angry that his friend wouldn't just leave him alone.
This time he pleaded with Ronon, "please, why don't you just go and leave me alone?"
"Because friends are always there for one another and right now you need to see the doc," Ronon answered in a surprisingly gentle tone.
He had no idea what to say to that, Ronon was right, friends should be there for one another, it didn't stop him from still being annoyed with Dave though. But then he suspected that things went far deeper than what had happened over the last few days, he was convinced that it had something to do with the rift that had formed between them in their teenage years.
"I'm going to call Dr Beckett now; your leg appears to be bleeding again."
Nodding at his friend he lay back and for the first time noticed how much agony he was in.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Carson arrived back in the infirmary after accompanying Teyla to the mess hall, he had been happy to see her enjoying a meal with Amelia and her son before he'd left. Looking at his watch he realised that he only had about an hour left of his shift and Jennifer would be there soon, which was probably a good thing because he was exhausted. For the moment, the infirmary was quiet and once Jennifer arrived, he'd decided that he would go and check on John's leg. Hopefully, the idiot hasn't done too much damage.
Taking a file off his desk, he thought that it would probably a good time to catch up on some paperwork.
He hadn't gotten far when his com activated, "Beckett here," he said tapping his earpiece.
He was surprised to find it was Ronon on the other end of the phone, "Sheppard's leg is bleeding again."
"How bad is it?" Knowing full well, that the Colonel's leg could be falling off and Ronon would tell him it's not that bad.
"I think he's torn a couple of stitches."
Great, Carson thought, those wounds seem to be taking a long time to heal, there shouldn't be any bleeding at this stage.
"Can you get him into his wheelchair and bring him down to the infirmary."
"Sure can, Doc, I'll see you in a few minutes, Ronon out"
Standing up he headed towards the infirmary to make sure that Colonel Sheppard's room was ready. No matter what happened he wanted to keep him under observation for another twenty-four hours, just to make sure that he didn't do anything stupid.
He'd barely left his office when Dave Sheppard walked in looking hot and sweaty and looking down at his hands, it didn't take a genius to figure out why.
"Hey Doc, I had a bit of a run-in with a punching bag," Dave said with hesitation.
Before Carson had a chance to stop himself, he found himself yelling at Dave "Is every male in the Sheppard family and idiot or is it just you and John!"
"What?" Dave asked and it was clear that he wasn't expecting to be shouted at.
Before he had a chance to answer another voice entered the conversation, "what the hell have you been doing, Dave!?" John shouted as he was wheeled into the infirmary by Ronon.
"He's been hitting the punching bad without boxing gloves on," Ronon informed him with a look of innocence.
Carson was beginning to feel incredibly frustrated by this point, what was it with men that were very smart and accomplished in life that turned them into little children.
"Yes, thank you Chewie, I can see that!" John growled.
"Gentlemen!" Carson roared, "can you please settle down since this is an infirmary. Dave can you please go and sit on an exam bed in the other room and Ronon can you please wheel Colonel Sheppard to his private room."
Once they had all done as he'd asked, he took a deep breath to try and calm himself down.
"Hey Carson, what's going on?" Jennifer asked him, entering the infirmary and to say he was relieved to see her was an understatement.
"Jennifer I am so glad you are here, It appears that Mr Sheppard decided to hit the punching bag without boxing gloves on and Colonel Sheppard has torn some stitches, so if you can go and look at Dave's hands, while I go and see to Colonel Sheppard"
"It looks as if you've had a rough night, how about when you have finished looking at Colonel Sheppard's leg, you go and get some rest. Isn't Claudia supposed to be contacting you in the morning?"
"Yes, she is, apparently her mother is getting better, but she has decided to stay on earth for a couple more weeks, so I think I will take your advice Jennifer and go and get some rest, but first I need to deal with Colonel Sheppard."
When he arrived in the infirmary a few minutes later, Ronon was in the middle of shouting at John.
"Will you stop whining like a baby and grow up? You're worse than McKay when he hasn't eaten!"
"Ronon!" Carson chastised, "will you please leave the room? I will let you know when you can come and see him again."
Ronon scowled at him and quickly left the room, much to his relief.
"Now Colonel let me take a look at that leg of yours and then you will be my guest until I know that you're going to behave yourself."
"Really Doc, Can't I go home and let Teyla look after me, I promise I'll do what she says?"
"I don't think so Colonel, I will let you go home when you stop behaving like a child, Teyla already has one child, she doesn't need another," Carson chastised.
There was no reply from John, he just stared at him and it made him feel incredibly uncomfortable. Carson worked to cut off the bandages on his friend's leg and was happy to see that he had only torn the stitches a little, so for now he wouldn't bother to stitch it up again, he would wait and see how he was in the morning.
"I'm sorry John, but you seem to have gone off the deep end tonight and if you don't talk to someone soon, I may have to start you on a course of anti-depressants. If I don't see an improvement in the next couple of days, I will also set up a regular session with Dr Robinson. You really need help to get over this John, so please talk to someone soon."
The Colonel nodded at him and it seemed as if he were thinking about what he'd just said.
"How's my leg looking doc?"
"It's not to bad, but I still want to keep you overnight. How's the pain?"
"It's fine at the moment thanks Doc."
He looked at the man in the bed and knew he was lying because he could see the pain lines around John's eyes, but he'd leave it for now and tell Jennifer before he left that John probably needed some pain medication.
"Okay lad, I'm going to go off duty now, Jennifer is in her office if you need anything."
"Sure, thing Doc," John said nodding his head.
Once he was sure that his patient was settled, he left the room and decided that tonight would be a good night for a large glass of scotch, there were plenty of good doctors on Atlantis to take care of any emergency that happened while he was off duty, so tonight he would take some time to look after himself.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John lay and watched as Carson left the room and one thing he knew for sure was that Carson was right, he'd somehow managed to go off the deep end tonight. If he could lose his cool and yell at his brother or Ronon like that, what would stop him from shouting at Teyla or even Torren? Perhaps it was really time for him to go back to earth and retire, he had plenty of money put aside, so he could do what he wanted with his life, the only question was could he ask Teyla and Torren to come with him. That was definitely a question to be tackled at another time, because right now he was exhausted and the darkness was calling to him, so in the end, he gave in to it and fell into a deep sleep.
TBC…