Distorted and Disordered
Chapter 12
*Trigger Warning*: Eating disorder details & suicidal themes.
Become better than Thor, his brain told him. Just become better than Thor. That is all he had to do. He just had to be better than his older sibling.
Of course, most things in Loki's life didn't come easily. So, why had he thought this would be any different?
He wasn't sure, but the uncertainties of this very large task nearly hit him in the face as mother held an ice pack to Thor's afflicted ankle.
"It looks to be a mild sprain, my son," mother said, concerned eyes scanning her elder son's limb. "What were you doing up in that same tree again?" Her gaze lifted to meet Thor's blue eyes.
Thor, not one to be squeamish, uncharacteristically swayed under the scrutiny of her stare.
"It…was just a dare." He mumbled sheepishly.
Her brow easily raised in question.
"Did Loki-"
"No!"
Before her accusing eyes could find the younger boy, Thor cut in sharply. Loki gave his brother a look of wonderment and gratitude.
At least one of us won't be so quick to blame me, he quickly thought. His own brows rose to see where Thor's lying tongue would lead him.
"I mean, no, mother. It was just a silly dare from Fandral. He…said I'd win five bucks if I stayed up there through the morning sun's rays," Thor shrugged and Loki couldn't help but smile at the improvement in Thor's storytelling.
Frigga patted Thor's shoulder.
"Only five dollars? I'd expect you to be greedier, Thor." Frigga turned towards Loki and winked at him.
Unfortunately, the shadows blurred out his vision so he couldn't read the expression on her face.
Did it matter, anyway?
He sighed, opting to spend the next few moments watching mother expertly wrap Thor's foot in an ACE bandage rather than wallowing in his thoughts.
He glanced over to the nearest clock, recognizing it was time to get ready for school. He silently excused himself and climbed up the stairs with his fingers trailing along the wooden banister.
By the bathroom, he found himself lingering.
Before he could change his mind, the knob was in his hand and he was pulling the door closed and was stepping onto the scale.
It took a second.
119
Loki muffled a half-formed sob.
He was so close. So close to being better, being loved, being worthy, being important. Just four more pounds and he'd be worth everything.
A thought popped into his mind and he found himself staring at the bottles in the medicine cabinet.
His green eyes took in the names on each orange container: Thor, Loki, Loki, Loki….Henry.
He blinked once in confusion until his brain produced the past images of Grandpa Henry being temporarily handicapped after a back surgery and how he had recuperated at their home for two to three months.
He remembered Grandpa Henry using a walker and mother having to help him get up, bathe and even roll over to his side.
He'd thought the remnants of those memories, Grandpa's cane and his old medications had been long forgotten.
But, here resided one of those items.
Now that Loki knew it was there, he couldn't help but reach out and grab the container.
It was…odd. Normally mother would have emptied out the majority of the medication containers, but this one…she had left intact.
Loki's eyes scanned the label as his grip tightened.
Oxycodone, 5 mg.
ODINSON, HENRY.
Enclosed are 25 white, round tablets with K 18 written on them.
In case of suspected overdose the following symptoms may be present: respiratory depression, skeletal muscle flaccidity, cold and clammy skin, constricted pupils, bradycardia, hypotension and death. Report all cases of overdose to emergency services.
"Loki!" Frigga's voice suddenly called to him.
Blinking his almost fogged stare away, Loki quickly replaced the three year old medication into its rightful place.
He closed the cabinet and with turmoil rising in his chest, he locked his eyes with his reflection, a grim frown meeting his gaze.
Not today.
A/N: Phew! This is my second update of the night, my first being "Severed"! It's legitimately taken me about 3 months to update this fic-with content that I created those 3 months ago… My bad. I will be working on this fic again soon, so expect an update within a month! I am also updating: "A Little Unsteady", "This Would Be The End" and "Severed". I don't think I have to tell you guys the direction this fic is going in, I will promise it gets brighter though! (I just read the ending of the last chapter and cried! Poor Loki!)
If you can, leave a review! They give me life, ahaha. Thank you for sticking around, I love you peeps! Xxx Oh, and this was written 11/21/17 and typed up 3/12/18. :3