The thundering from the black clouds did not let up since it began five days ago. Torrential rain did go over the New yorker streets. Deep in an alley underneath some balconies, shivered a drenched former Horseman. That's at least what the shivering man thought. He didn't have any idea where he was. About an hour ago a boy tried to steal his bag. He first walked into the stubbled elder and ripped the bag of his shoulder. Running away he was chased. Just at the end of this alley he got his bag back. Just to be sure he counted the money he had stashed inside. With everything in order, he began looking around for a hotel. It was night already and he wasn't in the mood for an all-nighter again. But even in the bed of the shabby hotel he checked into… there was no chance for him to get any sleep. If he closed his eyes, he would see Dylan and the others turning away from him and if he was able to just lay down and sleep instantly it was a nightmare. He always had problems with nightmares but now they aren't just about his child self anymore. This time it was him, trapped inside what seemed a glass box. The Horsemen would always stand outside the box and have fun on their own. Sometimes he even saw his replacement and comments about a former horseman which had betrayed them.

The louder he screamed for help, the tighter the box he was trapped in would get. Some nights he could feel his bones brake from the pressure. Abruptly waking up, sweat drenched at these, he would feel around his body to see if it wasn't broken for real. There was never something for real to his luck, even though it would feel real in his dreams.

This night he decided to just sit by the window letting his mind wander. Following the raindrops flowing across the window he felt…

broken.

Tired of his terrifying thoughts, he decided to think about the first time he met Dylan. A smile pulling across his face, he was back at the interrogation room. Since their first encounter Daniel hadn't been able to take his eyes and thoughts of Dylan. Always steeling glances at the older one, he shut his feeling away. At that time, he had Henley and Dylan Alma so he could safely ignore them. With his ego and impatience building up, his distrust grew, and he hardly bothered with the fuzzy feelings anymore. The market was the turning point and he knew fucked up. Not just with his actions but also feelings. Still… he couldn't do anything really... because he thought getting closer to Dylan meant losing him. Daniel had the imagination; Dylan would probably recognize the deep feelings but grow apart because he could not return them. And that was worse than just keeping them inside his heart.

Well now everything was over anyway. Broken hearted he was sure, they didn't even care he wasn't around, even more so that they didn't search for him. Contrary to what he thought, they did…

Nothing… again… A tired looking, undernourished, bearded men sat at the water. He looked dead into the flow of the Hudson River. For five days he searched every corner of New York. Every time he ends up here. Recollecting his thoughts.

He was angry. Mostly at himself for telling Daniel to leave. He should have known better to not say things like these in the heat of the moment. Everything involving Daniel was difficult. Not the others fault, he thought. It was his fault for letting his emotions get the better of him, when he's with the younger showman. He thought caring for Daniel more, would help him get better or take care of his body's needs more. But it seemed to have the opposite effect. The showman was an independent person. Someone like that wouldn't like to be taken care of. But that couldn't have been the only problem. There was something else bothering Daniel, he just couldn't figure out what it was. The heavy rain made the river flow stronger every second. The water had a dark blue to it. A few years back he would have avoided this place at all cost. But since he got over his past grudge it all seemed pointless. The pain he had felt at the time seemed silly now. The only thing for him now where his horsemen. And he would get his showman back no matter what!

Jack, Lula and Merritt were still perplexed. The argument between their friends was so fast finished they couldn't do anything. Shocked of Dylan letting Daniel go just like that took them especially by surprise. Kinda acknowledging that in an argument words fall that aren't meant like they seem, they talked to Dylan the same evening. They were right about Dylan not meaning what he said. He was just angry about Daniel not taking any help from him. They knew what he meant. Daniel was the type to shut his feelings and not accept a helping hand believing he had to do everything by himself. Merritt tried many times persuading Daniel in hypnotising to stop the nightmares. He knew about them because they often got put into the same room on trips. But Daniel never agreed. He would just say that everything was alright and he didn´t want anyone meddling with his mind. They formed a plan on how to care for Daniel, without him realising. The great shock came the morning after. Lula brought food up to Daniels room but found it empty. No one had believed he would take the argument that seriously. And at that moment, all of them standing in Daniels empty room, they knew: There was more going on with Daniel than they had ever imagined. It was clear that Daniel of all people, wouldn't leave the horsemen just like that. There had to be something deeper bothering him.

The next few days were harsh. They stayed tuned if he would show up anywhere: like being recognised by the FBI or fans. Hoping for the latter. With no sign of him this way, they searched in places they thought he might be. Merritt looked in bars, Jack climbed a few roofs and checked ships and Lula just wandered through lively streets. Searching for Daniel in this weather wasn't easy. But they had to find him. Wanted to find him. Because he was family.

The sun started shining into the window he sat beside. The day brightened and clouds went away. But it had been another sleepless night for Daniel.

Thinking. Self-loathing. Breaking...

*sigh* Grabbing his bag he put on the Jacket, pulled up the hood and walked outside. Leaving the key at the entry point he made his way through a crowd. Slightly bumping into others, he just followed the stream, no goal in sight.

Slipping into an alleyway, leaving the crowd behind, he walked along the peopleless passage. On the other side he was quite taken aback. Infront of him was a big garden, enclosed with four high houses. The loud voices around him went away. The colourful garden had gates, ponds, paths, and a gazebo in the middle of all. He walked inside the brown coloured gazebo, that was covered in multi-coloured flowers and greenish ivy. Everything seemed so beautiful, like a dream even, and it felt like any insecurities went away. It was a blissful feeling sitting on the bench inside the wooden gazebo. Taking in the warmth of the sun, he felt relaxed for the first time in a while. Sadly, it didn't go long until a group of people came his way. He decided to go on, just to prevent them recognising him. He wasn't in the mood to put on a smile and perform. He also didn't have the concentration needed for the tricks right now. He was way too tired. The young man slipped past the group, back into the alley he came from. At the corner was a café he hasn't seen the first time he came by. He looked inside the big windows it had. Inside he saw some computers and decided to head inside.

As soon as he took a seat, he was surprised by a black hairball. A big hairball. Unsure he looked at the fluffy thing laying on top the keyboard. Before he could extent his hand enough to touch it, a waitress asked him if he liked a drink. To her voice the fluff ball got ears, eyes and a light pink nose shimmered at the front of its tiny face. The waitress answered Daniels confused look with a hand gesture and a „This is a Animal Café."

Taking his order, a coffee to stay awake, she left. Moving the cat from the keyboard to the side, with what the cat wasn't happy about… he started the computer. After some stretching and putting her butt and tail in Daniels face, she provocatively laid on his lap. Just like at the gazebo before, his mind was just at the moment. It was special how such little things could brighten a moment, when always feeling down. He greatly took the warmth and started his search. Half wanting, half not he searched for the horsemen. If they have shown up in the past few days. After an unsuccessful search he drank his coffee, which the waitress left at the table not so long ago and decided to just pet the lazy fluff on his lap.

Getting out of the shop he walked absentmindedly into the crowd, letting them lead again. This time there were way less people, so he was pushed around more. Getting sick of it he got past a woman down a street. The street broke up into stone slates and turned into dirt after walking on it for a while. The sunset could be seen on the horizon between the houses, while Daniel closed his jacked because it was getting chilly. Stopping abruptly, he felt his heart slip, the moment he saw the sign.

| Hudson River

For Daniel it felt ironic, that he ended up here. A light breeze began and Daniel felt a few raindrops land on his head as the rain started anew.

Everything started here.

The moment Lionel Shrike died, Dylan planned his revenge and used the Eye and the Horsemen. Daniel wished Dylan a better childhood but at the same time was grateful. Without their past they wouldn't have met. Even for Daniel it was true. If his father would have been more caring, he wouldn't have lost himself in magic to get away from reality. He wouldn't have got to know the great magician Shrike and look up to him. Dragging his feet he walked down to the water. The water was high because of the last few rainy days. He crouched down and put his hand into the cold water, letting it go with the flow. The stream took branches with it in the crashing water that started to worsen as the rain got heavier. The sharp smell of rotting leaves and the slippery rocks at the shore let it seem sinister. Looking into the river, taking in the fresh feeling on his hand, Daniel thought:

What if it also ended here?

~ End of chapter five