Wednesday, December 11th, 1991 : 14 days until Christmas
As I walk back into the hotel room I notice Austria sitting in one of the chairs near the bed. He notices me and stands up.
"Why did Eastern Europe leave so suddenly during yesterday's meeting?" He asks.
"Hello Roderich, nice to see you too." I say while taking off my jacket. He scoffs and rolls his eyes.
"Yes, hello, you look a lot better. Now tell me why you left." I smile a bit and cross my arms. I'm not going to lie, I kind of missed him.
"There was some drama, but what I do not know. We move in solidarity, apparently."
"I see. . . Well, it is good to see you looking like this. I'm glad you are doing better."
"As am I. Where is Germany?"
"Oh, he had some thing with America and England, I'm sure he'll be back soon. He let me stay here because, well, he doesn't really want you to be alone."
"That's considerate of him, but I'm fine."
Roderich approaches me and puts his hands on my shoulders.
"Oh stop, there is no need to sugar coat things. I will make sure you are alright." I look up at him and give him a peculiar look. "What? Don't give me that look, you know that I care about you and I have a motherly streak." He lets go of me and puts a hand on his hip. "I have a half a mind to make sure you brush your teeth before bed."
I laugh and he smiles.
"Okay, alright. I'll let you mother me if it makes you feel good."
"It does." He says while watching me sit on the side of the bed. "Speaking of feeling good. I heard that you and Canada are a thing."
"Who did you hear that from?"
"Oh, you know, just gossip from around. I was talking to France about it and-"
"Wait," I interrupt, "you were talking to France about this? Oh my God she's going to kill me."
"So the rumors are true?" He gets his answer from my silence. "Oh, well that explains a lot of things."
"What does it explain?"
"Never mind that, darling. I'm sure France is fine with you courting her son, she didn't seem too displeased by the idea."
I sigh and lay back on the bed.
"It doesn't matter now, Canada and I aren't going to be anything moving forward."
"Why not?" He asks while sitting next to me.
"Russia's not comfortable with it."
"Ugh, he's not comfortable with anything that brings any happiness."
I sit up and give Austria a look. For some reason I'm compelled to defend the man.
"That's not true. He's worried about Canada being a spy, which I disagree with but can understand."
"I guess, but that doesn't make my previous statement any less true. That man just knows how to torment people, I am glad to be finally free of him."
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Austria's words replay in my mind as I walk through the halls of the hotel. I shouldn't be surprised that rumors are spreading around about Canada and I, Europe has always enjoyed gossip. I stop in my tracks abruptly as a door opens in my path, almost running into the person walking out. I apologize and so do they for opening the door so forcefully. As we go our separate ways I see Canada at the end of the hall, talking to America.
"Alfred I would greatly appreciate your lack of concern, please."
"And I would appreciate it if you dropped this off-the-grid mountain man persona. We all greatly miss you, I miss you. Quite frankly, it feels like you don't like me very much which hurts more than I think you know."
"I don't not like you, I just wish you'd leave me alone more often and would stop showing up at my house randomly."
Canada turns and notices me, falling quiet immediately. America looks at me as well and puts on a smile.
"Sorry, I don't mean to intrude, Germany's room is not far from here." I say.
"No you're fine. I was just leaving anyway." Canada comments before tilting his head and moving his eyes slightly to the left. I'll take that as a follow him down that hall.
America sighs and watches him walk away for a bit before turning to me.
"I hope he isn't as cold to you as he is to us. . . Tell Germany I said hi."
"Will do." I say as he walks the opposite direction Canada did. Once he is out of sight, I make my way down the hall on my left and meet up with Canada where it ends.
"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"I'm doing alright. . . how are you?"
"Much better now that I'm speaking to you." He kisses my forehead and I'm flooded with this warm and comfortable feeling. The choice is as clear as day to me, the way Canada makes me feel pales in comparison to what Russia can do. "But unfortunately I have horrible news."
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"I had a conversation with Russia not long ago. He wants me to be distant and professional toward you. And as much as I do not want to, I have to respect his wishes."
Of course hearing him say this hurts. I know it's not his fault, I do not blame him for heading Russia's warning in the slightest. . . yet it still fills me with pain.
"I understand. He told me something similar." Our eyes meet as he cups my cheek and places his lips on mine. This is it, the last time we can do this for who knows how long. It's dangerous, anyone can happen upon us at any moment. And that includes humans who wouldn't be too keen on seeing two men like this. I savor the feeling beside all the warnings. I truly wish for things to be different, and hope that someday they may be. But for now, like the last time we tried, we cannot be together.
"I'm deeply sorry." He tells me in French.
"It's not your fault." I answer using the Romantic language as well.
As I watch him walk away I find myself not wanting to participate in our last meeting. I know that I must, so my feet begin moving toward that direction. Leaving Canada was a very regrettable choice and I wish we could have stayed longer.
The meeting starts with most of Eastern Europe missing and I get suspicious. Were we not supposed to show up today? I don't remember being told to stay in our rooms. Regardless, things are smoother than usual without Russia present, and the meeting ends before schedule. As I prepare myself to collect the paper before me and stand, a hand places itself near them and hips fall suit. I look up and see France sitting on the side of the table near me, legs crossed.
"Hello Prussia." She says in a smooth voice.
"France."
"You look better, I am glad to see you doing so well."
"Thank you." I say. I'm very suspicious of her, and I'm not sure what she is trying to do. She gives me a little smile before standing up and walking directly behind my chair.
"Is it true that you and my son have become romantically involved?" Austria I thought you said she wasn't too displeased by the idea. . .
"Uh-"
"Don't worry," she leaves her spot from behind me and sits down in the spot labelled Soviet Union. "I'm not some disappointed mother who came here to chastise you. I want to hear what is going on from your perspective."
"Oh, well, I suppose you could say that we have been romantically involved."
She smiles brightly and I am beyond confused.
"That's what Canada said. Although he was a lot more flustered than you are, which only tells me how much this means to him. . ." Her smile drops as she takes one of my hands into both of hers. "I know that our past is. . . less than satisfactory. And that I was integral in taking your nationhood away but if you are to pursue something with my son I think it would behoove us to be at least cordial with one another. Perhaps even friends if fate allows."
"Friends? Uhm. . ."
"Well not right away of course. . . but, I couldn't imagine how much stress it would put on both you and Matthew if we didn't at least get along. I know that vengeance is my middle name, but I have changed a lot since the forties."
Sure, that must be easy for her to say. What more could she possibly take from me? She killed the Holy Roman Empire, attempted to destroy Germany when I made him, took my nationhood away, and continues to make life a living hell for Germany. But I appreciate the olive branch.
I take my hand out of hers and gather my papers.
"I'm torn between taking offence and accepting your. . . acquaintance." Friendship is too strong a word.
"I figured you would say as much. I just want you to know how I feel, and that I hope the future can be different for us."
I stand up and so does she. The way she is looking up at me is wearing me down. It's hard for me to hold grudges, even when I desperately want to. I sigh.
"Alright, I'll give it a chance. But, I can't be with your son."
Her eyebrows furrow and she puts a hand on her hip. Her position is so similar to Hungary's that I almost anticipate being hit with a frying pan.
"Why not?"
"Russia, unfortunately, has forbidden it."
"Hmpf, I'll have to speak with him. I know this is weird for you, me being so kind, but Canada means the world to me and seeing him happy is everything. That boy has been so upset for so long, and if you can restore even just a little bit of the light he used to have it'll all be worth it." She gives me another smile before turning and walking away. I never in a million years expected her to do that.
My mood is decently high as Germany and I pack up our things in the hotel room.
"I'll go down and return the room key, I'll meet you in the car." I say while grabbing two keys off the dresser.
"Alright." Comes his answer.
The woman at the front desk seems a bit unnerved by me but I'm used to humans being creeped out by my appearance. She stutters out a good day as I start walking down the hall that leads out to where we parked the car. Just before I can reach the exit, one of the doors in the hallway opens abruptly and I'm pulled in rather forcefully. The door slams behind me and I'm pushed against it. The room is dim and my heart is racing.
"Weren't you renowned for your intelligence?" Russia says in a dark voice.
"I-I, what?"
"Were you, or were you not, renowned for your intelligence?" He asks me again in German which frightens the ever living soul out of me.
"I suppose so." I answer in a quivering voice.
"So you could imagine my surprise when Poland told me that you deliberately disobeyed me. What did I tell you about Canada?"
A cold chill runs through me as I realize Poland must have seen Canada and I kissing before the meeting. He should have known that if Russia found out about that he would have punished me, why would he do that? Does he really hate me that much?
"We were just saying goodbye." I try.
"Oh, my little mouse, it doesn't matter." His eyes darken and that cold feeling grips my body as I feel like all the light from the world has been ripped away. His hand comes up to my throat and tightens considerably. My mouth falls open as my ability to breathe is taken away from me. "You don't have to be alive. I can take away what I gave you, it wouldn't be hard." My hands desperately come up to his to try and pull them away from me but he is much stronger than I am. I try begging but my voice is lost. The burning in my chest sends a wave of dizziness to my head and my vision begins to blur and blacken around the edges.
I think about a lot of things as my eyes fail me and my world turns to black. I see my old house in Königsberg, I hear the creaking of the door as I open it and step inside. My eyes meet Holy Rome's and he smiles at me. I fall to the floor ungracefully and gasp for air, coughing violently as I do so. A few moments pass before I can really start to calm down and take in what is happening around me.
"I never liked hurting you." He comments.
"Then why?" I ask, hardly able to manage a whisper.
"It's the only way you listen. You don't understand why I'm afraid of Canada so you don't listen to me. But if you're afraid of me you'll listen."
I want to say that I did listen, that he must be so cruel as to forbid us from saying goodbye? That it doesn't have to be like this. But the pain in my throat is so much I cannot speak. My breath comes in and out like a wheeze. "Don't disobey me again, understand?"
I nod and he leans down to place a kiss on my cheek before leaving the room. An overwhelming need to cry hits me and I shut my eyes. I hate being reduced to this, I hate feeling so weak and helpless in his wake. Panic wells up in my chest as hot tears threaten to fall from my eyes, my heart refuses to slow down and my hands begin to shake. The whole world feels like it's crashing down, I'm going to die. His hand isn't even around my throat anymore but I can't breathe. My shuddering gasps for air seem to get me nowhere. I'm light-headed and feel I can just pass out at any moment. Maybe I did. I can't tell anymore. Hands place themselves on my shoulder and I fear Russia has come back to finish what he started.
"Gilbert? What's going on, are you alright?" I open my eyes and meet Germany's. He softly turns my face to the side and tenses his jaw. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let you out of my sight." He pulls me into his chest and he holds me until my breathing has returned to normal.