.
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"Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM"
- The Beatles, "Across the Universe"
(:)(A)(:)
To the Flame
Chapter #5: Sorriso Per Me
(Smile For Me)
(:)(A)(:)
Her head is bowed over her notebook, her pen trailing faithfully across the page, when she feels him hovering over her. She was concentrating so much on her words that she forgot to hear his footsteps. Her pen pauses mid sentence, and her chin tilts up to look at him, concerned that he has not taken his spot beside her like he normally does. The prick of worry is soothed by his easy grin.
"Hey," he greets, his eyes gleaming with sly amusement. "I was wondering when you were going to notice me! Usually you catch me before I can sneak up on you." This is true. He has tried (and failed) several times to arrive without her noticing, but has never succeeded until tonight. If it is not his footsteps that give himself away, it is his heartbeat. It is unnerving to her that it took her so long to recognize his presence – it is not like her.
It is even more unnerving that he is still standing.
The little area between her brows puckers, her head tilting as she looks up at him questioningly. "You are not sitting." He always sits beside her, always nudges her shoulder with his and greets her with a sunshine smile and bright eyes. Now, without him next to her, her side feels unnaturally cold.
His grin widens, and he shoves his hands casually in his sweatshirt pocket. "Yeah, about that. I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come with me to meet some friends? There's this really cool bar –"
"Away from here?" she asks, interrupting him. Something that feels like anxiety buzzes under her skin at the thought of leaving.
His nose crinkles, and he gives an amused little snort of laughter. "Well, yeah. Not really any bars in the park – at least, not any legal ones." He holds out a hand to her, palm facing upwards in warm invitation. "Come on, it'll be fun!"
A worried frown pulls at her mouth, her fingers gripping the edges of her notebook for assurance. She stares at the offered hand regretfully. "But ... this is my bench."
His smile falters, his hand lowering in disappointment. She can tell by the furrowed line of his brow that he is struggling to understand. "Yeah, but ... don't you ever want to, you know, go somewhere other than here?"
She shakes her head. This is her bench, her park. It is the place she belongs.
For a moment he just stands there, staring down at her with disappointed confusion, and then he is taking her cold hands in his and coaxing her up. "Baby steps then, yeah?" Another grin is creeping at the corners of his mouth. "We can play on the swings!"
She hesitates, still unsure, but the warmth of his hands and the eagerness in his smile persuade her. The swing set is only a few yards away, visible from her bench. She tells herself it is ok, even though she feels an uncomfortable pull in her gut as Natsu enthusiastically leads her to the empty swing. When she sits on the seat it feels strange, the thick band of black rubber grips her hips tightly, and she misses the grooved wooden planks of her bench as she fidgets.
Natsu snakes behind her, his energy humming at her back as his hands grasp the chains on either side of her. "I'll push you!" he exclaims, a childlike exuberance lighting his voice. Her neck cranes back, looking up at him. She is greeted by his wide grin, but she doesn't understand his excitement. "How high do you want to go?"
She shrugs and feels her oversized jacket shift; feels the cool night air brush against the junction of her neck and shoulder. Above her, she sees something flicker in Natsu's expression as his eyes trail over the newly exposed skin. His smile wanes, his hand sliding from the chain and gently pushing the lapel of her jacket aside inquisitively.
"Damn," he murmurs, brow creased. His fingers ghost across the skin of her neck and shoulder. She feels her body tense at the sensation, but he doesn't seem to notice. He is too preoccupied staring thoughtfully at where the tips of his fingers trace her skin. "That's one hell of a scar..."
She covers the puckered skin self consciously, her gaze sliding away from him and lingering at her bench. The raised skin feels bitter against her palm. She has forgotten that it was even there. She doesn't even know what it looks like, only how it feels – how it aches.
His hand returns to the chain, but Lucy can still feel the heat of his fingers leaving a phantom brand on her skin. "Luce, where'd you get that?" There is a strange depth to his voice, one that, underneath the concern, holds a veiled threat. She doesn't know why it is upsetting to him, all she knows is that the subdued edge in his question isn't directed at her.
The corners of her mouth tighten before she can really evaluate why – the action is instinctive. "I don't remember," she murmurs. She doesn't. Whenever she thinks of the ragged scar at her shoulder her entire body seems to tense and her mind rebels. Something inside her whispers to simply let it be, so she does.
Behind her, Natsu is silent for a moment before he gives her a gentle push, his hands caressing her shoulder blades like warm wings. "Really? Did you get it when you were little or something?"
She shrugs, swinging her feet to help the swing's momentum. The feeling of the air whipping past her face, tangling her hair, makes her smile. She is glad that Natsu convinced her to leave her bench, if only for a moment. "I don't remember."
She hears him murmur a baffled, "weird" before he gives her another push. Her smile widens. "What about yours?" She asks.
"Mine?" He sounds confused.
"The scar on your neck." She remembers seeing it once, the night he was complaining about having forgotten his scarf. It was as thick as her finger and just as long, and pale with age. She has always been curious about it, has always wanted to know its story, but has always forgotten to ask, until now.
"Oh," he says. There is a baffled frown coloring his voice. "I'm surprised you even noticed it. I got it when I was a kid. Gray dared me to try to do this jump off my Dad's roof, and I didn't exactly land it." Another push, a heavy pause. Lucy's eyes travel from her bench, to the night sky. She looks for her friends and spies Aries smiling down at her. Natsu's voice, a muttering that seems more to himself than to her, distracts her and keeps her from smiling back. "Pops was so mad, he chewed me out the entire ride to the ER..."
There is something sad and wistful in his tone that makes something in her squirm uncomfortably. Her rubber soled toes – black rain boots that she found abandoned with some other clothes in front of a house the other night – dig into the playground bark until she slows to a stop.
When she turns to look up at him he regards her curiously. "What? Get bored?"
She shakes her head. "You sound sad." It is not right, it is not Natsu to sound like that. It is wrong and it makes her feel disjointed.
For a moment he stares at her, mouth opening and closing silently as he fishes for the right words. He rubs the back of his neck and avoids her eyes. "Uh, yeah. I guess I just miss him, you know?"
She frowns. "He is gone?"
"Yeah ..." He sighs, in the cold she can see it curl away from his mouth like a ghost before fading into nothing. He moves around her to sit on the neighboring swing. The metal chain squeaks obnoxiously as he kicks distractedly at the bark. "He's gone."
He sounds so very dejected, and the wince that overtakes his face speaks so much of pain, that Lucy feels the uncomfortable need to fix it. Her gaze traces Aries smile, and she finds herself wondering if perhaps there are more faces in the stars that she hasn't met. Gently, she touches his hand to get his attention before pointing at the wide expanse of clear night sky framed by the naked limbs of trees. "Maybe he is up there?"
The bridge of his nose wrinkles skeptically. "In... the sky?"
She nods, chin tilting up and pale face reflecting the moonlight. "'When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night,'" she murmurs, stars reflecting in her eyes. She gives Natsu a soft smile. "Maybe someone cut him into stars so that you can visit him."
Understanding lights his eyes, and he ducks his head with bitter smile. "Ah, no. I don't think so. He's not – well, he's not dead. At least, not as far as I know. He just ... left. I don't know where he is now." He gave a little snort of laughter, his eyes lifting to meet hers with amusement. "Gotta say, you'd make one hell of a Rafiki though. For a second I thought Pops was going to pop out of the sky and start lecturing me."
She blinks, head tilting. "Rafiki?"
"Yeah, you know, from The Lion King?" When she continues to look confused his shoulders slump, and he shakes his head in amazement. "We seriously need to get you out more, Luce."
She frowns, feeling insulted. "I am out."
His lips twitch at the corners, as if he is trying to withhold a smile. "Right. Sorry." He eyes her curiously. "So where'd you hear that? The whole thing about the stars?"
She pushes herself off the ground with her toe and swings softly, calmed by the gentle rocking. "I read it." It is in one of the battered, torn up books that she keeps on her shelf. She had found it next to a garbage bin by the school, its cover torn cruelly from its binding, and its pages curling from being exposed to the frost. She has poured over those withered pages, fallen in love with the painted words, and memorized her favorites. She still feels a hollow ache when she turns to the last page and finds the story incomplete. The artful prose, severed mid sentence, hangs heavy and silent – like a life cut short.
Natsu shoves his hands in his sweatshirt pocket, arms looped around the chains. He chuckles. "Guess I should have expected that much at least. What book?"
A soft little smile paints her lips, her answer a longing sigh, "Romeo and Juliet."
He rolls his eyes, but there is an amused smile tilting the corner of his mouth. "Of course. Never understood why girls always went gaga for that one. I hated it in high school."
Hope blooms unexpectedly in her chest. "You know it?" she asks, tentative longing coloring her voice.
Natsu gives her a strange look, seeming confused by her sudden eagerness. "Well, yeah. I mean, I don't go quoting it or anything, but it's mandatory reading for juniors."
He knows it. Excitement hums under her skin, making her fidget. In her boots, her toes curl with giddy anticipation, her hand clasping the cotton sleeve of his sweatshirt in a silent plea. "How does it end?"
He blinks, shifting uneasily under her scrutiny. "Uh, is this a trick question?"
"Trick?" Her excitement dims in the face of his skepticism. "Why would I trick you?"
"I don't know." He shrugs, looking confused. "Why would you ask me how it ends?"
Her lips purse. "Because I don't know ..." Natsu's brow furrows and Lucy can tell that he still doesn't understand. "On the last page, Friar tells Juliet he will send a letter to Romeo. Does he get it?"
"Wait," he holds up his hands, looking at her incredulously, "that's your last page?"
"The ending was stolen," she says softly, as means of confirmation.
He shakes his head, eyeing her with baffled amusement. "Let me get this straight. The copy you have is missing the ending? Like, was it ripped out, or was that how it was printed?"
"Someone broke it."
He rubs his face. "Probably should have just tossed it," he mumbles. Then, seeing her horrified expression, he waves his hands in a placating gesture. "Kidding! Just kidding! That would be, uh, bad?" Awkwardly, he scratches the back of his head, his eyes searching hers. "You really don't know how it ends?"
She shakes her head. It has haunted her for a long time; not knowing the ending. Sometimes she tries to imagine what happens next, but it is too much like painting futures, and she finds that she can't bring herself to finish someone else's masterpiece.
He seems to hesitate, a thoughtful frown pulling at his brows. Slowly, a smile replaces it. "He gets the letter," he says, eyes warm. "They run away together and live happily ever after."
A smile, wider than any she can remember, tightens her cheeks and makes them sore with happiness. "I am glad," she breathes, a feeling of completion filling her breast. When she looks up at Natsu, he is staring at her – mouth parted and eyes glazed with wonder. She doesn't understand what would cause such an expression. "Natsu?"
She sees the way his throat bobs when he swallows. "Nothing, sorry. Just, it's nice to see you smile, is all." He tugs sheepishly at the end of his scarf, his eyes flicking to meet hers in nervous embarrassment. His cheeks look suspiciously pink, but in the pale moonlight she can't be sure."You should do it more often."
She doesn't understand, but she continues to smile anyway.
AN: First of all, a huge thanks to Madartiste for being my beta and muse! She is an absolute angel, and really helped me elevate the language and figure out some of the finer points of this fic!
I do feel like I should warn you ... things are going to get a bit rough in the upcoming chapters (in the emotional sense). Things are going to get worse before it gets better. So, yeah, buckle up your seat belts.
As always, I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this chapter (and the story as a whole)! Also, feel free to hit me up on my tumblr anytime! :)