CONTEXT: This chapter was originally written and published on the SpaceBattles Forums for April 1st four years ago between chapters 9 and 10, and is some of the worst writing I have ever produced. Literally none of this could even remotely be considered canon in any way at all. It was just something fun I wrote for that day. Now you get to experience it in all its messy, stupid glory.

Grineer Galleons hovered menacingly in the atmosphere of Remnant. Shuttles carrying hundreds of Grineer soldiers flew all over Vale's airspace, deploying battalion after battalion of clones into city streets.

I stood at the front of Vale's diplomatic party, composed of Ozpin, Glynda, Port, Oobleck, and myself. We marched down Beacon's cobblestone walkway toward a Grineer shuttle parked on one of the school's landing pads. Walking toward us from the baby-barf green spacecraft was none other than Captain Vor and his escort of Grineer soldiers.

Our gazes met and we traded sneers. Grineer diplomacy my ass.

As if to save face, Vor attempted to diffuse the tension between us with a welcoming gesture and a half-assed grin. "Tenno. Your presence in the flesh is a rare sight indeed. Saves me from tearing apart this planet searching for you." He even attempted a laugh. How cute.

"Captain Vor, I presume?" Ozpin stepped up to my left. "It's a pleasure to meet you in the… flesh, as well. Would you do the honor of beginning our diplomatic discussion by laying out your terms?"

"I think you know what we want. Hand over the Tenno and your planet to the Grineer Empire, where you will become slaves in our workforce. Refusal will result in your imminent destruction, and we will occupy this planet through force."

Glynda stepped up to my right, "That is unacceptable! Your terms are akin to total surrender of Remnant and its people!"

Vor shrugged at her response. "The Queens made the terms, not me. I'm just a messenger. If you know what's good for you, hand over the child and submit to Grineer rule."

I stepped forward myself. "A child? Is that what you see me as?"

Vor sneered at me. "Yes. That is exactly what you are. Now shut up, kid. The adults are discussing important matters."

"Well maybe I am a kid!" I yelled my retort, "And you know what? I'm okay with that! Because Beacon Academy creates the most talented, strongest, and most badass kids I have ever had the pleasure to call my friends!"

A microphone appeared in my hand.

"And that's not all!" My voice carried over hidden loudspeakers, sending a jolt of screeching feedback. "It was kids who trained their whole lives to fight back humanity's greatest threat! It was kids who took on thieves, terrorists, and monsters and came out on top every time!"

A spotlight appeared above me.

"So maybe I am a kid, a child, a minor, a young fool! I'll gladly take those names, because I'm…"

"I'm…"

"I'm…"

"I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!"

ROCK!

A musical shockwave shot forward, sending Vor and his security detail flying into the spacecraft, denting its hull significantly.

"YOU'RE A GOOFY GOOBER!"

ROCK!

The next shockwave struck the spacecraft head on, sending it toppling over the landing pad and all the way down to Vale proper.

"GOOFY GOOFY GOOFY GOOBER!"

ROCK!

The spacecraft exploded on impact, sending a huge fireball over the landing pad that had become a makeshift concert stage with strobes, multicolor spotlights, and plenty of fog machines.

A star-shaped electric guitar appeared in my hands. With each strum of the strings, bolts of magical energy flew from the instrument and vaporized each Grineer they struck. The remainder of the diplomatic party decided to add to the chaos and started dancing on the stage.

With a swirl and flourish, a beam of magic energy shot toward the flying Grineer Galleons, piercing all the way through their hulls and sending them down to Remnant in an epic blaze of glory.

"I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!"

ROCK!

For the grand finale, dozens of magical energy beams launched into the sky from my guitar. Some strayed from the pack to pierce through both Balor Formorians in orbit, destroying them instantly. Most made their way to a conspicuous cluster of asteroids, bathing the Kuva Fortress hidden there in sparkling light. The entire station melted under the onslaught of awesome magic, ending the reign of the Grineer Queens forever.

I removed the tacky shades that had somehow appeared over my eyes and stared at the cheering crowd of people gathered around the landing-pad-turned-concert-stage.

Ozpin placed a hand on my shoulder, motioning for the crowd to quiet. "Miss Tenno, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. Truly, you are the greatest Huntress to ever grace the surface of Remnant. How about I give you the title of Headmaster of Beacon Academy for your service?"

The crowd cheered louder at his declaration, but I interrupted their merriment, "Wait, everyone. There's something I want to say, but I just don't know how to put it."

"I think I can say it, Miss Tenno." Glynda Goodwitch sent me a rare smile as she took the microphone. "Before your time at Beacon Academy, you wanted to prove you were not a child and could move forward on your own. Then you came here, and saw for yourself what kids are capable of in the face of danger. Maybe you saw yourself as small and helpless, as just a child. But when I look at you, Miss Tenno, I see a true Huntress standing proud before me, ready to prove to the world just what you are made of. No title can give you power.

I swiped the microphone from Glynda's grasp. "Are you kidding me!?" I turned to Ozpin, "I just wanted to tell you that your fly is down!"

Honk

"Headmaster! This is the greatest day of my liiiiiffffeeee!"

Author's Notes: So... how about that 2020, yeah? Worst year of literally everyone's life. This was the longest this fanfic has gone without updates. Fifteen months, and it's for April Fools. Sorry about that.

Yes, this is literally just a reworded parody of the climax to the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.

Part 3 of the Notes is getting progress, but it's slow going. 1,300 words now, and most of that progress was made in the last month.

This stupid story has been living rent-free in my head for the past four years, and I just want to move on, but I have to tell all of it, even in this fragmented, abridged state.

Thanks for reading.