.

.

And I would give all this and heaven too,

I would give it all if only for a moment,

That I could just understand

The meaning of the word, you see,

'Cause I've been scrawling it forever,

But it never makes sense to me at all.

- Florence and the Machine, "All This and Heaven Too"

(:)(A)(:)

To the Flame

Chapter #7: Fidati Di Me

(Trust Me)

(:)(A)(:)

It is raining. It is not a harsh storm; the water comes down steadily but it lacks ferocity. She is more saddened by the clouds preventing her from visiting with her star-faced friends than the way her clothes are becoming heavy with rain. She feels like it has been forever since she last spoke to them, but she can't be sure. She can't remember.

The rain rolls down her face and makes her hair stick wetly to her neck. She wishes to write but she is afraid the water will make the words bleed from the pages. Then she remembers that her hands are empty – she has not brought her notebook with her since the night she forgot how to use words...

The rain is beautiful though. It makes the lamp light spread until it looks like the pavers are made of gold. Or maybe it is yellow? She vaguely remembers that there is a story about a yellow brick road but she can't remember the details – she only remembers that it went somewhere … somewhere happy where broken things could be fixed.

She tilts her face up towards the darkened sky, closes her eyes and lets the rain kiss her cheeks. She thinks it is a good feeling, like the softest of touches from friends long since passed. She feels like it has been a long time since she felt the gentle touch of anyone other than Natsu. His touches feel much different though – they are always warm, always full of care. When she feels Natsu's hands against her fingers, against her face, she feels something in her stir. He makes her feel safe and cared for.

The rain reminds her that she is alive, but Natsu makes her feel like she is not alone.

Unexpectedly the water stops tapping against her skin, and she looks up to find Natsu frowning down at her and holding a beat up umbrella over her head. He is so busy protecting her that he doesn't even seem to notice that he has left himself exposed. She watches in concerned fascination as water rolls down his neck before disappearing beneath his scarf. She wants to ask him if it feels cold, but he speaks before her tongue can form the words. His voice is strained and heavy with apprehension. "You shouldn't be out here in the rain, Luce. You could get really sick."

She doesn't tell him that disease, like time, is another thing that can not touch her. Instead she only reminds him, "This is my bench."

He sighs, and she can tell that he is exasperated with her. "Yeah, I know. Your bench, got it." His eyes scan her face, his brow creased with concern. He seems to be thinking carefully over something. "Why don't you come stay with me tonight? Get out of the rain?"

She bites her lip, hesitant to leave her place of rest. She has never gone anywhere else at night.

Natsu seems to sense her concern. "It'll still be there in the morning." He takes her hand in his, his skin burning hot against her damp palm. "You can even see it from my window." Still, she hesitates, and he gives her a gentle squeeze. His eyes and words are pleading. "Please, Luce. I can't leave you out here."

But … everything she knows is here. She feels safe here – her bench is here. She is scared, but Natsu is looking at her as if he is afraid she will break in front of him. She does not want him to be afraid, not for her. Fear tastes like copper – sharp, metallic, and burning hot. She does not wish to put such a terrible taste in his mouth. She does not wish to make him worry even more.

When she finally nods, he wastes no time coaxing her up from her seat and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Even through their clothing Lucy can feel the heat that seeps off his skin. He curses. "Damn it, Luce, you're freezing ..." He begins to rub at her arm and shoulder, drawing her even closer to him as the umbrella struggles to shield them both. "Come on, we need to get you home before you catch something."

He guides her away from her bench, away from her park. She stops many times to look back, but he continues to usher her forward with gentle words of encouragement. When they arrive at the oversized doors of his building she freezes. It feels wrong. It all feels wrong. Her sanctuary is behind her when this building before her is too unknown. Natsu's hand on her shoulder squeezes softly in what she knows is suppose to be encouragement. It makes her feel trapped instead.

"Luce, Luce look at me." She does, but only because he is Natsu. Only because if she turns and runs now she knows he will follow. His brow is drawn in concern, but his eyes are intense as stares down at her. "It's ok, everything is going to be fine. You're bench will still be there, I promise. Come on, we'll go in together."

Her teeth sink into her lip. She still does not want to enter the strange building, but as Natsu gently leads her through the doors she realizes that she simply can't deny him. He releases her briefly to collapse and shake the umbrella, and Lucy immediately misses the comfort of his warm embrace. Natsu must know, because the moment he is done he reaches out for her and brings her tightly against his side. They go up several flights of stairs – she counts up to three before she loses track. With the way he is holding her it is an awkward climb, but Lucy is relieved when he doesn't let her go. Natsu murmurs an apology and something about maintenance never getting around fixing the elevator. By the time they leave the stairwell, her nerves have settled. The monotony of the steps combined with Natsu's warm grasp has eased her fear into anticipation. Curiosity stirs and tickles the back of her mind as Natsu stops in front of one of the doors lining the hallway. There is a paint chipped number hanging, tilted, on the face of the door, but she can't remember what it is called or what it means.

Natsu turns the handle and pushes it open roughly with his shoulder. The wooden door groans but opens readily in the face of his treatment. He walks through the open doorway and chucks the abused umbrella into a corner before his eyes seek hers.

She pauses in the hall and he stares back at her in confusion, noticing her hesitancy. "You coming?"

"You didn't invite me in."

He blinks before an amused grin tugs at the corner of his mouth. Holding the door open, he gives her an exaggerated bow and clears his throat with a cough. "Forgive me, Princess, won't you please come in?"

She nods, deciding to ignore his strange behavior, and steps over the threshold. The word 'princess' jogs something in her brain. "That's what Virgo calls me," she says absently, her eyes scanning over his apartment. It's a mess. There are clothes and dirty dishes scattered everywhere and there is a musty quality to the air that is reminiscent of mold. Underneath a pile of laundry she can see a full sized bed in the corner. In the kitchen she suspects there is a sink hiding underneath a mountain of dishes. Somehow though, it still has a comforting feel to it despite the clutter. She thinks it might be because it is Natsu's.

"Virgo?" he asks, shutting the door with a heavy thud. "She a friend of yours?"

She nods, eyes tracing longingly over a lopsided bookshelf in the corner. Most of it's shelves house assorted knick knacks that hold no meaning to her, but she spies several well worn books scattered haphazardly amongst the clutter. "Yes. I was hoping to see her today, but the clouds came instead."

"Well, at least one of you is smart enough to stay out of the rain," he mumbles, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it over the arm of what she guessed was a dining room chair. "She live around here?"

"No," she answers, shaking her head. "She lives in the sky with the other stars."

He pauses in unwrapping his scarf. "Oh ... I, uh, bet the view is great up there."

She hums in agreement, gaze still fluttering and lingering on random objects in the room before landing on the oversized window. She moves towards it and finds herself looking out over her park. From here she can see her bench framed by two large oaks, the golden glow of the streetlight makes it shine. Relief floods through her. She wouldn't know what to do if it had disappeared.

"See? I told you you'd be able to see it," he says, coming to stand next to her. A moment later she feels his hand at her elbow. "Here, give me your coat."

She tilts her head, a confused frown pulling at her lips. "Why?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Because it's soaked?"

She looks down at herself. He is right – her light cotton jacket is heavy with water. She hadn't noticed before. Mindlessly, she begins to undo the buttons and allows him to help her in sliding the fabric off her shoulders. When she is rid of it his frown deepens. "Shit, Luce, even your clothes underneath are soaked through. How long were you out there?"

She shrugs, unconcerned. "I had no words to measure time."

He shakes his head, worry darkening his eyes. "I don't know what that means, Luce..." She remains silent, because she does not know how to explain it any better, and he sighs. "Never mind. Let's just concentrate on getting you warm and dry, ok?"

Not knowing what else to do, she nods.

"Come on. Let's get you into a warm bath, and then you can borrow some of my clothes for the night." Gently, he grasps her hand and leads her down the hall where one of only a few doors hangs partially open. The bathroom is – not clean – but not as cluttered as the front room either. She suspects that the tiles are white under the thin layer of grime that has dusted over them. The mirror greets her with the empty image of the wall behind her, just like the one in her room. Lucy steps forward and ignores its taunting while Natsu leans over the tub and fiddles with the knobs. She watches curiously as water gushes out of the faucet at his command. After a few moments of letting it flow over his hand, steam starts to rise. He adjusts once more before plugging the bottom.

The abandoned building she calls home does not have running water – she cannot remember the last time that 'bathing' meant more than a rag and a bucket of water stolen from a neighboring hose. She can almost feel the warmth of the steam rising up from the water. Natsu sits on the edge of the tub and gestures her forward. She complies eagerly. "Is this temperature ok? Not too hot?" he asks. She submerges her hand. Against her cold flesh the water is scalding, but it feels so wonderfully warm she only sighs in pleasure.

"I can go in?" she asks, looking to the pink haired main with pleading eyes. It has been so long since she has felt warm. She wants to be surrounded by it.

The smile he gives her is soft. It matches his eyes. "Yeah, Luce. I made it for you." He stands and sets his hands on her shoulders. Through the thin fabric of her shirt she can feel the calluses lining his palms. "I'm going to go get you some clothes for you to change into, ok? I'll be back in just a second."

Nodding her understanding, he gives her shoulders a soft squeeze before leaving her alone in the tiled wash room. She stares down at the water and the steam beckons her like an old friend. Without hesitation, she pulls her shirt above her head, slips her skirt and undergarments off her hips and down her legs, and steps into the welcoming heat. For a moment it stings against her marble skin, but it is soon soothed away and she is left enveloped in delicious heat. The sensation draws a little moan from her throat. The water is only coming up to her mid calf and already it feels so wonderful.

Natsu's voice carries from the hallway, growing closer with his footsteps. "I don't know if the shorts will fit y-" He stops abruptly, his figure frozen in the doorway and his mouth gaping uselessly at her while his hands limply hold onto the clothes he brought. "You ..." Looking at him over her shoulder, she can see him swallow thickly, his eyes dragging down her body as if in a drugged daze.

After a moment she starts to turn, thinking that perhaps she is suppose to retrieve the clothes herself, but the action seems to startle him, and suddenly he is a blushing, stumbling mess. He spins away from her so quickly that his elbow catches the doorway with an audible crack.

"Shit!" he curses, dropping the clothing and clutching the bruised appendage. "Shit. I'm so sorry! I didn't –" he groans, leaning his head back and staring up at the ceiling. "Damn it. Didn't you hear me say I was coming back?"

"Yes," she answers, not sure why his voice sounds so strained. She wonders if it is because his elbow hurts.

"So why didn't you wait?"

He is still staring at the ceiling, but after a cursory glance Lucy can't figure out what is so interesting about it. "I was suppose to wait?" she asks absently, looking down at her submerged feet. She doesn't want to leave the warm water, but she will if Natsu says she is suppose to.

He laughs, but for some reason it doesn't sound funny. He runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah Luce. Or at least close the door."

Oh. Was that all? She forgot doors were suppose to close. How silly of her. She begins to step out of the tub but instead of relaxing, Natsu only seems to tense up more.

"Not now!" He exclaims, one hand slapping over his eyes. She pauses, unsure of what he wants from her. "Fuck, Luce, you're killing me here," he groans, sounding pained.

A chill runs through her despite the warmth she's absorbed from the water. It grips her heart with fear and she tastes phantom traces of copper on her tongue. "But I don't want to!" she cries. Her voice rings in the small room, bouncing off the tiles and echoing through her chest.

For a moment it looks like he is going to turn around, but he seems to stop himself. "No – I didn't mean – " He sighs, rubbing his temples. "Not literally. It's just, you're making it really hard –" he pauses, seeming to rethink his words. "Uh, I mean – shit." He takes a deep breath. "It's really ... difficult for me to talk to you when you're naked, ok?"

She doesn't understand. "Why?"

He snorts. "Call me crazy, but it might have something to do with you being beautiful."

She blinks, looking down at her body. She is beautiful? She had forgotten … "I don't understand," she mutters, her brow furrowing. "If I am beautiful then why did you turn away?" Don't people admire pretty things?

His breath comes out sounding strangled, and he leans bonelessly in the doorway. For a while he is silent, and Lucy wonders if perhaps he didn't hear her. When he finally answers his voice is low and full of an emotion she can't name. She wishes she could see his face. "Because you aren't mine to stare at." He bends down and picks the clothes up from the floor. "Are you still in the tub?"

Lucy frowns, still pondering over his words as she answers, "Yes."

He nods. "Good. Why don't you stay in there and close that curtain around you, ok?"

She looks to her left, seeing the opaque plastic curtain he was referring to. Her hands clasp the edge and pull it across. The plastic rings click across the bar in a cacophony of sounds until her vision of Natsu is fogged by plastic.

"Is it closed?"

She nods before remembering that he is not looking at her. "Yes."

"All the way?"

"Yes."

She hears him release a long, drawn out breath before his blurred form turns and approaches the tub. He sets something on the toilet seat. The closer he is, the more she can make out his fuzzy features. She can tell that he still isn't facing her directly when he mutters, "You can lay down in the water, Luce."

She doesn't make him tell her again. With excruciating patience, she sinks into the water with a delighted sigh. It is so warm that it makes her ache with pleasure.

"You can use the shampoo and everything, ok?" he says softly. She hums her agreement, cupping the steaming water in her hand and languidly letting it slip through her fingers. "When you're done there's a towel and some clothes for you to change into... Keep the door closed until you're dressed."

She watches him move away from her, the soles of his socked feet slapping softly against the tile as he reaches the doorway. Embraced by the warm water, she feels something in her stir. "Natsu?" The sound of his footsteps pause, and she knows he is waiting for her to continue. His words from earlier still nag at her – she still doesn't understand, but she wants to. She wants to so badly, because if she understood then maybe she could soothe away the edge of hurt that laced his voice. "I don't think I would mind being yours," she says softly. She doesn't know what it means, but she knows that he makes her feel warm and happy. Natsu takes care of her, makes her smile. She is sure that being his cannot be a bad thing.

For a moment there is silence, but she knows he is still there. She can make out the pink of his hair through the hazy plastic curtain separating them. "Luce … you trust me, right?"

She doesn't even have to think about it. Her mind is a tangled web of knots and snipped threads, but this is something she knows with every fiber of her being. "Yes." Natsu is the only one she trusts. He is the only one she would ever leave her bench for.

"That's why I can't."

She frowns, sinking further into the waters warm embrace until it tickles her chin. "I still don't understand."

"I know," he answers, voice soft and full of regret. "Just … it would be wrong, Luce. Even if you didn't realize it, if I took you up on what you're offering … It would be wrong. I'd be betraying your trust, and I won't do that. I won't hurt you like that." He pauses, and for a long moment there is only heavy silence between them. Lucy doesn't like it, but she doesn't know what to say so she says nothing. Eventually she hears him murmur a reminder to make sure she dresses before coming out of the bathroom before the door clicks shut.

Alone and surrounded by hot water, with the steam fogging her vision and warming her lungs, she still doesn't understand.

She can't imagine how anything that makes Natsu happy could ever be wrong.

AN: Thanks as always to the wonderful madartiste for catching my mountain of spelling and grammatical errors this chapter! Don't know what I'd do without her!

Thank you so much to those of you who have left such wonderful feedback! It never fails to brighten my day and inspire me to pick up the pen – er, keyboard. Look forward to some plot development the next few chapters!

As always, I'm dying to know what you think! (See what I did there? Dying? Vampires? …. Shutting up now.)

Amichaelala: Hope you enjoyed the booty! ;D ARRRGH!