.

.

"Babe, there's something tragic about you

Something so magic about you

Don't you agree?

Babe, there's something lonesome abut you

Something so wholesome about you

Get closer to me"

-Hozier, "From Eden"

(:)(A)(:)

To the Flame

Chapter #8: Cuore Silenzioso

(Silent Heart)

(:)(A)(:)

She sits in the tub until the water turns as cold as she is.

On the other side of the wall she can hear Natsu pacing around the apartment. It is accompanied by the clinking of dishes, the moving of various objects she can't name, and muffled curses. She doesn't know what he is doing, but she is comforted by the sound of him. It would be too lonely, too unnerving, to be in this strange place without evidence of him being nearby.

As she stands, the water runs off her skin in rivulets and she relishes the feel of being fully clean. The smell of Natsu's shampoo lingers in the humid air around her, and it is both spicy and masculine in ways that she isn't used to. For her washing is normally done with a meager bar of stolen soap. To have such a distinctive scent (especially one that reminds her of Natsu) is oddly pleasing.

She steps out of the tub after pulling the plug and watching the water drain in a lazy, gurgling spiral. The clothes Natsu brought her are sitting on the lid of the toilet. There is a black button up shirt that looks like it hasn't ever been worn – sharp crease marks still mar the fabric, and when she holds it up she can smell the faintest traces of plastic. Underneath there are a pair of old blue sweat shorts that bear a faded insignia that she doesn't recognize even though she feels like she should. Dutifully, she remembers Natsu's insistence that she not leave the bathroom before she is dressed and sets the shirt and shorts on the vanity while she dries herself with the thin white towel that hangs off the hook beside the tub.

The first few buttons on the shirt are already undone, and it slides over her head without trouble. It is long on her, easily reaching mid thigh, but she doesn't mind. When she pulls the shorts up past her thighs she finds them too narrow to slide over her hips, so she abandons them on the floor with the rest of her wet clothes. Eagerly, her hand reaches for the door handle, and she exits the tiles room on quiet feet.

When she walks down the short hallway and hovers at the edge of the open kitchen and living room, Natsu's back is turned to her. A moment later and she realizes that he is hovering over the sink and muttering profanities under his breath as he scrubs furiously at a plate. She blinks, her eyes moving away from his tense shoulders and evaluating the rest of the room. There are less clothes scattered across the floor, and she can see the furniture more clearly. "It is cleaner," she states.

Natsu continues to vigorously work at a spot of dried food on the the piece of dinnerware, not seeming surprised at her arrival. "Yeah, usually I wouldn't bother but ... uh, I guess I figured I should, just, you know. Tidy up." He looks over his shoulder, but the smile that he prepared for her withers once he sees her. She can see his throat bob as he swallows thickly. "The, uh, shorts didn't fit?"

She shakes her head, her eyes trailing over to the decrepit bookshelf she had noticed upon first entering his apartment. Hardly discouraged by by the way Natsu tears his eyes away from her, she lets her bare feet lead her closer to the books. "Damn, I was hoping since they were my old high school ones they might fit ... were they too big even with the drawstring?" he asks.

Her eyes are still entranced by bounded pages with words she can not read decorating the spines – five of them she counts – as she answers. "They were too small," she hums. She wonders what stories are in those books, wonders if they end with 'happily ever after' too. They are Natsu's so she thinks that they must.

Behind her she can hear him still. "Oh." When she looks over her shoulder he is staring at her hips like they are completely new to him. She finds it strange (he has seen her and her hips many times before) but she thinks that perhaps he is measuring with his eyes so that he can give her shorts that fit in the future. "Right. Uh, yeah. Hips. Right. Wasn't thinking about those..." He clears his throat awkwardly, lifting his eyes to meet hers. "We can try some of my other ones if you want."

She shrugs, turning back to her evaluation of the various colored covers. Her fingers skim the dusty edge of a green one whose spine seems too stiff to have ever been opened. "I am comfortable."

"Right," he mutters, sounding tired, "Of course you are." She hears him approach her, his footsteps sounding hesitant and awkward. "Do you want anything to eat? Drink? I don't really have that much ... I usually eat at work, but I could probably scrounge up some cereal or something."

She recognizes the word cereal, but she can't visualize what it looks like. She thinks of the thing he called a Cheeto and decides that she doesn't particularly want to experience what he's offering. "I am comfortable," she repeats. At the top of the shelf another book snares her attention. It is thin, like a children's book, with a red cover and faded gold lettering. Unlike the green one, it looks worn in all the right ways – like it has been read too many times to count. Her hand raises, her fingers itching to trace the book's spine. Vaguely she recognizes the sensation of the hem of the black shirt tickling up the backs of her thighs as she reaches. Suddenly, as her fingertips graze the cover, she registers the warmth of Natsu's body behind her before his hands pull down the bottom of the shirt so hard that her knees nearly buckle.

She looks at him from over her shoulder. His face is flushed – the same color as the book she was reaching for – and a little muscle in his jaw is jumping erratically. He clears his throat, and Lucy feels the warmth of his breath on her cheek. "Why don't you let me get the high stuff." His voice is tight, controlled, as his hand settles on her outstretched arm and eases it down. "At least until we get you back into your own clothes."

She nods even though she doesn't understand why and lets the warm hand at her elbow coax her arm down. He sighs, and Lucy thinks it sounds relieved. When he grabs the book and takes a step away from her, she can feel the warmth of his body leave with him.

The book hovers between them in offering, but the moment she reaches to take it she shakes her head and pushes the bound pages towards him instead. To her eyes the words will be nothing more than ink on paper. She needs Natsu's voice to breath life into them in order for them to mean anything. "Read it to me?" Her voice is soft, pleading, as she looks up at him. She hopes he won't deny her.

The soft smile that curls his lips tells her that he won't. "Come on, we'll read it on the couch." It only takes him a few steps across the room to reach his destination. When he flops onto the piece of stained furniture, his feet immediately go to rest on the edge of the coffee table with a familiarity that speaks of habit. The edge of the honeyed wood is faded and worn underneath his heels. Lucy follows, sitting next to him and curling her feet underneath her. Their shoulders touch and she leans into his warmth, resting her head against his shoulder.

He smiles down at her, and Lucy is happy to see the spark of excitement in his gaze. "This was, like, the only book I actually liked to read as a kid," he says. Lucy can tell – the cover is worn and bears the scars of being loved.

"What kind of story does it tell?" She asks, her fingers reaching out to trace the faded gold lettering on the cover.

Natsu snorts, but it is in teasing amusement and not irritation. "You can't tell from the title?"

Her fingers drift downward and explore the feel of the author's name. For some reason his question makes her sad. "I can't read it."

He is silent for so long that she looks up from her beautiful evaluation of the book in his lap to read his expression. The warm excitement that had only just brightened his eyes is now gone, replaced by a darkness that makes him look worried and lost. "Luce, what do you mean you can't read it?"

She shrugs, feeling uncomfortable under his shadowed gaze. "I can't read the words."

"But you used to write all the time..."

Yes, she remembers. She remembers how she would document pasts and he would help her paint futures. Something else nags at her, the tiniest of pinpricks to her conscious, but it is only seeing the growing panic hardening the ridges of his irises that makes her realize what it is. She had wanted to hide this from him, keep her loss of words safe and secret – locked away where it couldn't hurt him or make him worry. It is too late though, she can tell by the way his face is rapidly paling and his eyes are widening in a mixture of horror and understanding. "That's why you don't bring your notebook anymore..."

He stands suddenly, the cherished book falling from his lap and hitting the floor with a heavy thud. The sound echoes in her ears but the way Natsu is staring down at her pins her to the couch and prevents her from going to comfort the abused pages. He looks terrified, his hands laying limp at his sides even though his spine is as taut as a piano wire. When she looks close enough she can see them tremble. "For how long?" he asks. When her brow furrows in confusion, he clarifies, his voice rising. "How long have you been unable to write? To read?!"

She hesitates. There is a restrained edge to his voice that makes her nervous. "I don't have words to measure time..."

He pauses, as if trying to reorder the words into something he can understand, before he shakes his head. "We're going to the hospital." His eyes darken and he holds out his hand to her. She takes it and lets him lead her towards the front door despite her confusion.

"Why?" she asks. Natsu's fingers slip away from hers as he turns and throws open a door adjacent to his entryway. She watches curiously as he begins to examine a few jackets before tossing them to the floor in irritation. "Are you sick?"

"No, Luce, not me." He examines a long coat critically before seeming to find it acceptable. He turns to her, gesturing her to come closer. "For you. We're going to get you some help. Put this on."

She frowns. "Sickness can not touch me."

He is already helping to guide her arms through the coat sleeves. The lining is soft, and slides across her cool skin. "Yeah, well, something sure as hell isn't right," he snaps.

When he tries to help her other arm through the coat, she resists. "It is alright. It is just because I am broken."

"You're not broken!" The anger in his voice makes her flinch, and she takes an unconscious step away from him. Immediately, his expression softens and he reaches out to her with gentle hands. "Damn it, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just – I'm just worried, and I'm angry. I should have realized sooner but instead I just –" he shakes his head, a grimace twisting his mouth. "I'm an idiot, ok? I should have taken you to the doctor a long time ago." Gently, he adjusts the coat that is hanging limply off her left shoulder so that it is easier for her to thread her other hand through the empty sleeve. She doesn't move, and he winces. "Come on, Luce. Put it on so we can get you to the hospital."

She shakes her head, bringing her uncovered arm protectively against her chest. "No hospital. No doctor." Instinct tells her that those places, those people, would do her more harm than good. She doesn't remember why, but she knows that she is to stay clear of such places at all costs.

His brows draw together and his mouth tightens. "Look, if it's money you're worried about, don't. I'll take care of it, but you need to be looked at, Luce."

But they won't see her – they will only see a body. They won't see her.

She shakes her head, and Natsu looks at her as if he is at a loss. In his jaw a muscle jumps and Lucy can hear the groaning of his teeth as they clench. He doesn't understand – she can see it in his eyes.

His hands encase her shoulders. "Luce, please. I know you don't like new places, and I was probably pushing my luck even getting you to come here, but something is seriously wrong." He looks at her firmly, his eyes so wide and imploring that she can see the individual flecks of green in his irises. "You realize that, don't you?"

Hesitantly, she nods. "Yes." She brings his hands to either side of her head, sighing as his thumbs caress her temples with warmth. "It is broken. I am broken." His jaw tenses, and she knows he wants to argue. She presses her fingers to his lips to stop the flow of denial she knows will spill. "I can't be fixed."

His hands fall to cradle her cheeks, his expression a mixture of desperation and anguish. "How do you know?" He asks, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper. "How can you know unless you let someone look at you?"

She doesn't answer. She doesn't know how to. What she has told him is the truth – she can feel it resounding in the cold cavern of her chest like an echo from her past. It is distorted and muddled, but it rings true.

He inhales shakily, his eyes boring into hers with an intensity she isn't used to."I need you to tell me the truth, Luce. Have seen a doctor for this?" When she shakes her head she can feel his fingers twitch against her jaw. "Please, please let me take you to the hospital."

Her teeth bite into her bottom lip, regret swimming in her gaze as she shakes her head.

"Luce, look – I'm begging you here."

"I can't."

"You can."

"No," she mumbles, stepping away from his touch and shaking her head. She lets the coat slip from her shoulder and holds it out to him.

"Luce–"

"No," she repeats, thrusting the bundle of cloth out more insistently.

He stares at her, disbelief painting his features before it is shadowed by frustration. Slowly, he takes the coat from her. The tightening of his mouth, the way his hands clench in the fabric, tell her that he is angry but trying to restrain himself from letting it show. She hates that he is upset with her, but she would rather face Natsu's anger than strangers in white coats.

"What if I bring a doctor to you?" he asks softly, his eyes lifting and burning into hers with determination. "What if I brought a doctor here?" She hesitates, unsure, but he continues before she can say no. "I know someone – she's an old family friend, and I'd trust her with my life. She could help."

With his life? She doesn't think that he should trust anyone with his life – it is too precious – but she understands the implication. Lucy trusts Natsu, and if Natsu trusts this other woman so much then she is inclined to also. Still, she knows that no matter how wonderful this woman is, some things can't be changed. "She won't see me," she murmurs, fidgeting under his intense stare.

"She'll see you, Luce," he promises. "She'd be ticked off, and I'd probably get ear full about it, but if I asked her to come right now she would."

He has misunderstood. "No," she says, shaking her head and laying a cool palm over her chest. "She won't see me." Under her hand there is no heart beat, no sign of life, but she is there. Somewhere in the maze of stone cold muscle and spiderwebbed veins she exists. She is sure of it. Natsu sees her, but she does not have confidence in doctors with their white coats and their machines that measure life.

Understanding lights his eyes and relieves the tension in his shoulders. "She will. I swear, she will." He gives her a lopsided smile. It does not have it's usual brightness, but there is a warmth there that makes her feel at ease all the same. "Even if she doesn't, I'll make her. So what do you say? Will you let her take a look?"

Make her see? Lucy isn't sure that is possible, but he sounds so confident – so sure – that she wavers. When he reaches out and embraces her hand with his own and reminds her, "You can trust me, Luce. I won't let anything bad happen to you," she feels her resolve crumble like weather worn stone. Instinct still tells her that she should deny him, that she should stay as far away from anyone who carries 'doctor' as a title, but she is so very tired of fighting. She does not want Natsu to be angry with her, and if he says that everything will be alright then she wants to believe him. She wants to believe everything he says.

Slowly she nods and he gives her hand an encouraging squeeze. "Thank you." He tosses the coat aside and Lucy watches as it lands in a crumpled heap on the floor beside his kitchen island. He wastes no time fishing his phone out of his pocket and pressing his thumb against the screen. With the hall light burning brightly overhead the screen doesn't illuminate his features nearly as much as it does in her park. A few brief seconds after he brings it to his ear, his eyes trained on her with a clinical intensity, she hears the muffled sound of ringing.

Again and again it rings. A long, shrill combination of notes that makes her feel on edge as Natsu's face darkens in annoyance. Eventually he pulls it away from his ear with a curse. "Damn it, of course you don't answer when I need you," he grumbles, redialing. Lucy shifts, uncomfortable with his increasingly sour mood as he's met with the same result as before. Eventually he gives a heavy sigh, hanging up and gripping the slim device in a white knuckle grip and dragging a hand through his hair. When his eyes return to hers she can't place the emotion she sees hiding behind the green in his irises.

He gives her a weak smile, one she knows is meant to hide his discomfort. "Come on, let's get you into bed." She doesn't resist as he takes her hand and leads her across the apartment. Her eyes find themselves preoccupied with the large window, the one where she can see her bench, and notes that the sky is turning more gray than black. Dawn has arrived without her noticing. When Natsu opens the door across from the bathroom, he reveals a bedroom with just as much clutter as the living area, but the bed is free of the various clothing items that litter the floor. It is only as he pulls back the covers and gestures her forward that she understands what they are doing there.

She does not remember the last time she slept in a bed.

Eagerly she lets her body slide between the sheets and sighs in contentment when Natsu securely tucks the comforter around her. "Will this be warm enough for you? I can grab another blanket." She shakes her head – she is more comfortable than she has been in a long, long time. He nods. "If you need anything I'll be out in the living room, ok?"

She frowns. "You are not staying?"

He hesitates, and she feels his weight shift on the mattress as he fidgets. "Uh, no. I'm going to sleep on the couch."

That seems wrong. "But there is room for both of us."

He laughs, but it is breathy and without humor. "Don't think that's such a great idea, but thanks for the offer." The smile he gives her is still strained and tainted by worry and his eyes are glazed with a level of exhaustion she hasn't seen on him. "Just get some sleep, ok? We'll figure everything out in the morning."

Lucy wants to argue, wants to tell him that she doesn't mind sharing the bed with him, but he looks so very tired and she does not want to cause him any more grief. She nods instead and is rewarded by the relieved curl of his mouth before he gets up and quietly shuts the door behind him. Without him there, the room is completely still – completely silent. There is no breathing, no heartbeat to prove the passing of time. It is the same her lonely room in the abandoned building across town, but instead of offering her familiar comfort it makes her feel more on edge.

She wishes that Natsu had stayed.

She doesn't need sleep, but she enjoys it. She likes the weightless feeling of dreams. Sometimes they are so vivid they feel like memories, other times they are so fantastical – so disjointed – that she knows she is in another world where reality is nonexistent. As her head sinks into the pillow and her eyes close, she raises her anchor to reality and let's herself drift.

AN: Happy New Year everyone! Hope you all were able to spend it with the ones you love most!

Thanks (as always!) to madartiste for catching my little mistakes and giving me such wonderful support! And thanks to everyone who reviewed and gave such wonderful feedback this last chapter! It is always so inspiring to hear from you guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the last (despite the lack of, er, nakedness, lol). As you may have guessed, the next few chapters are going to be making some leaps and bounds in the plot department. ;D

Can't wait to hear your guys' thoughts!