"We all have a social mask, right? We put it on, we go out, put our best foot forward, our best image. But behind that social mask is a personal truth, what we really, really believe about who we are and what we're capable of."

-Phil McGraw

(:)(A)(:)

To the Flame

Chapter #15: Luce Fata

(Fairy Light)

(:)(A)(:)

There is a feeling of unease stirring in the pit of her stomach - a fluttering that belays her nerves. She should have stayed back at Natsu's apartment where it was safe and secure and familiar, but instead she allowed him to convince her leave. She stays close to his side, their arms brushing occasionally as she veers away from the others walking along the side walk. The presence of other pedestrians make her palms itch. There were never many people frequenting her route to the park, and those that did seemed to have enough sense to keep their distance. The street they walk down now is very different – the farther they walk from Natsu's apartment the more crowded the streets become. There is an energy humming in the air, a static cultivated by all the noise and movement. It makes her feel on edge.

Natsu bumps her shoulder with his, successfully gaining her attention. There is a concerned frown pulling at his mouth, a hesitancy in his gaze. "You ok? We can turn back if you want."

No, they can't. If they turn back now she knows he will be late, and she has already caused him enough trouble. She isn't sure how much work he has missed for her, but she knows that since Porly left his one bedroom apartment there has been at least two days he was scheduled to work that she knows about. She suspects there is probably more, but Natsu has been more careful about his phone conversations ever since he realized that her sharpened senses allowed for her to easily make out his grandfather's lecturing words when he called that night. In all honesty, most of the conversation detailed things she would much rather not been privy to. Knowing that his grandfather was reminding him of safe sex practices (despite Natsu's embarrassed sputters of denial) makes her feel awkward.

It has been a week since she fed – a week since her reawakening. Everyday she feels herself becoming more aware of her surroundings... and more disoriented. The world has changed in the twenty some years since her death. Natsu has been nothing but patient with her, but she feels frustrated with her lack of knowledge. Most things only require a simple explanation – things like text messages and DVDS are easy enough for her to understand, but certain concepts still escape her no matter how much she grasps for it.

The Internet is one of them.

She doesn't understand how it works, and she feels lost whenever Natsu tries to explain it to her. Even when he demonstrates the various websites for shopping and entertainment on his laptop (another thing that she finds herself adjusting to) she still struggles with the concept. When, hours after Porlyusica left, he showed her how to order clothes with nothing more than a keyboard and a credit card she didn't entirely believe him when he said that the purchase would arrive. The next day she watched as Natsu opened the door (now repaired) and took the large package from the delivery man in exchange for a signature, and she knew that the world had drastically changed without her.

The knowledge makes her feel more disjointed than ever. The more she learns the more she realizes how far removed she is from everything she once knew. When Natsu sleeps, when he showers, when he cooks, she reads. She reads the stray magazines she finds under the coffee table, devours the morning paper the moment she hears it being set in front of the door – the Magnolia Times. It takes her longer than she is proud to admit to remember that Magnolia is a city – her city – and she feels disgusted with herself for having forgotten the name of the place she has lived her entire life. Sometimes she reads on the glowing screen of Natsu's laptop – mostly the daily news articles.

She steers away from the thing he calls Google.

The empty search bar that Natsu showed her, the place she can enter any question and receive an answer, mocks her. She is not ready for the kind of knowledge it can provide her with – not ready to face the answers to the questions that burn her. She doesn't know if she ever will be. It is better, she thinks, to not know what information would follow her father's name.

For now it is best if she only focuses on the present, to familiarize herself with today. There is nothing left for her in the past. The world she knew is dead and gone. It has evolved into something she only barely recognizes, and she knows that it will only continue to change. The daily articles she reads both online and in the paper all point to the same thing. Technology is becoming more advanced, politics more complicated. Every day brings more and more change when she is already struggling to catch up to this decade.

She runs her fingers over the hem of her sweater, the gray fibers soft to the touch and comforting in ways she had forgotten. It feels good to be in clothes that fit her – the boots especially – but she still worries about what they cost. Money had never been an issue for her when she was growing up. Her father, while absent in almost all other areas, made sure she was well provided for. The world's material goods were at her fingertips, and she didn't ever stop to look at prices and totals. The numbers were meaningless to her, but when she saw the way Natsu cringed as he fished out his wallet she quickly realized that he was far from having that kind of luxury.

For the past week he has done nothing but support her in every sense of the word. He has gone out of his way to shelter her – to cloth her – even when she knew he didn't have an abundance of money to share. More than that, he has taken every opportunity to make her feel comfortable even when she knows there are certain aspects of her condition that he finds squeamish (every now and then she catches him cringing when he opens the fridge and knows that it is the sight of the leftover carton of blood that is to blame). She owes it to him to make his life easier in any small way that she can... Even if the idea of being surrounded by so many people makes her uncomfortable.

"No," she says, shaking her head and giving him a reassuring smile. "I would like to meet your friends."

He still seems uncertain. "Yeah, but if you aren't ready I totally understand. I mean, I don't want you to feel like you have to just because you overheard Gramps bitching about it."

That is, admittedly, one of the main reasons she is forcing herself to go. She knows that going back to work without her would be to sign him up for constant nagging the moment he walked through the doors. She has not been blind to the frustrated pull on his brow whenever he receives a text message, or deaf to his muttered complaints about 'nosey friends' that follow. She thinks over her next words carefully, determined to make sure they are right. "I am scared," she admits softly. "It has been so long since I have been around others, I'm afraid I won't know how to act..." Her eyes lift to meet his warmly. "But I want to feel like I am a part of this world again. I never will if I continue to hide."

For a moment he stares at her, as if confirming that she is telling the truth and not just giving him the words he wants to hear. After a while an excited grin dimples his cheeks. "They're all gonna love you. You'll see! And I'll be right there if you need anything!"

The smile she gives him is tight - strained. She doesn't share the same confidence that she will make such a great impression. She remembers the look of disgust and fear that she saw on Gray's face the night his pistol was placed between them and feels a shallow ache across her chest.

She wants them to like her, because they are friends of Natsu and she has no doubt that she will like them. But she knows better than to hope for the same in return. Gray is right to fear her. She is wolf - she will always be a wolf - no matter how much she wishes to be a sheep.

Natsu leads her down an alley that quickly dead ends. "Well, here it is!" The over-sized neon light above the large wooden door reflects in the puddles at their feet. The lighted tubing is twisted into a shape she is not familiar with, and with the designs simplicity she has trouble distinguishing what it is. Her eyes lower to the aged wooden sign below it, visually tracing the bright, scripted letters.

"Fairy Tail?" she reads, murmuring under her breath.

Natsu must hear the question in her voice because he shrugs. "Yeah, the guy Gramps hired to paint the sign can't spell for shit, so we kinda just went with it." He points to the neon insignia above. "See? Gramps even had the neon guy put a tail on the fairy!"

Ah, so that's what that logo is. Now that she knows she can see it. "Does your grandfather like fairy tales too?" she asks, thinking about the cherished red leather bound book sitting on Natsu's bookcase.

The smile that curls his mouth is small as he stares up at the sign, but it hints at a deep level of affection and fondness towards the man in question. "Yeah, he used to read 'em to me when I was little." He shrugs, his eyes lowering until they meet her own as he gestures toward the door. "You ready?"

No, she's not. She doesn't think she ever will be, but she forces herself to nod anyway.

She doesn't know what she was expecting - she never gave it enough time or thought to paint a picture - but she finds herself immediately overwhelmed by the sheer amount of noise and visual chaos that greets her when Natsu opens the door. The place is larger than it looks from the outside. It's brick walls carry the weight of tall wood beamed ceilings, giving the impression of space despite the low lighting and the fact that the place is packed with bodies of all shapes and sizes.

It is too much. There are too many voices, too many pulses, and she feels her knees go weak from the force of it. It is only Natsu's hand, placed firmly at her elbow, that keeps her standing. She can feel his breath against the shell of her ear, but it is only his concerned tone that makes her focus on his words.

"Luce? You ok?"

She opens her mouth to tell him the truth - that no, she is far from being 'ok' - but the sound of a woman's voice calling his name cuts her off. From across the room she sees a fair skinned woman wave at him from behind the bar. Her eyes, the palest shade of blue that Lucy has ever seen, are lingering on her though - not Natsu - and she knows that it is already too late for her to run. Especially when she realizes that there are at least another dozen pairs of eyes looking curiously in their direction.

The next hour or so is a blur of faces and introductions as they are pulled from one person to another. She says as little as possible without seeming rude or disinterested and is relieved when Natsu stays beside her and answers their probing questions ("No, she isn't my girlfriend", "No, that doesn't mean she wants to be yours", "No, Cana she doesn't want to take shots with you. Will you give it a rest?").

In the corner, at the furthest seat along the lacquered bar and sipping an amber colored drink, she spots a more familiar face. His steel eyes meet hers unflinchingly, and she knows that he must have been watching her carefully the entire time. She wonders if he is still afraid of what she is - there are too many hearts in the room for her to interpret his pulse, and she does not yet know him well enough to judge by his expression alone.

She wants to talk to him - to ask him - but before she can steer Natsu in his direction she is confronted by yet another unfamiliar face. He is old - older than all the rest she has been introduced to - and sports both the wrinkles and salt and pepper hair to testify. "Ah," he says, his smile wide enough for his upper lip to disappear behind his thick mustache, "so you must be the girl my grandson has been hiding away."

Next to her, Natsu rubs the back of his neck sheepishly in response to the glare that the shorter, much older man sends him. "Uh, yeah. Gramps this is Lucy. Lucy, Gramps."

Anxiously, because she knows the balding man with age spots peppering his skin is the closest family Natsu has, she lets her hand linger between them. "It's nice to meet you. Natsu talks about you often."

He chuckles - a gravelly sound that so often seems to ripen with age and experience - and takes her smooth hand in his weathered one. "The pleasure is all mine my dear. I can't tell you how long I've been waiting for this boy to bring a girl home."

Beside her, Natsu blanches. "Gramps, I told you. It isn't like that, ok? She's just a good friend."

The old man hums skeptically, thick eyebrows raised. "Ah, yes. So you've said." He pats her hand gently, having never let go. "Well my dear, you must be hungry. Why don't I have Mira fix you up with something while Natsu gets to work?"

She gives Natsu a nervous glance over her shoulder, but his grandfather is already leading her towards the bar and she doesn't want to be rude. Natsu gives her a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. "Try the Mac and Cheese!"

She wants to beg him to stay beside her. Without him she no longer feels brave – no longer feels confident that she can handle the smiles and questions these people throw at her. But the words catch in her throat, and she swallows them with a bitter self reminder that she is the one who insisted she was fine. It is too late for her to do anything but fake her way through the evening and hope she passes off as human. Her eyes dart to Gray, feeling an unexplainable sense of relief to see that he is still seated in the same spot even though he seems to have diverted his attention to someone else. Between the other patrons she sees his hands fiddling with his glass while speaking to a red headed woman whose face she cannot see. Idly, she wonders if she is the Juvia that she has heard Natsu casually mention but can't be sure. She is just glad to see that he is close because, fear her or not, she knows that he will keep her secret. His father was the same way.

It does not take her long to realize that Mira is the same woman that greeted Natsu from behind the bar. The smile she gives her is soft – as delicate as her voice and as graceful as the way her tiny hands wipe down the counter. With the way her pale, nearly white, hair and full figure she is almost otherworldly in her beauty. By the way Natsu's grandfather gives her a flirty greeting, she knows she is not the only one who sees it. Mira ignores him though, those bright blue eyes trained solely on her. "Ah, it's so nice to meet you!" She chimes, "Natsu has told me so much about you!"

Lucy doesn't know what he could have possibly said about her but she gives a polite smile anyway. "It's nice to meet you as well."

There is a crash near the entrance of the building and the old man beside her gives a grumbling curse. "Again, Gildharts? That man breaks something every time he comes in here. Mira? Make sure this little lady gets whatever she'd like. On the house."

Lucy starts to decline but remembers that she has no money to pay him even if she wished to and, though she doesn't require food, she suspects that it would be suspicious if she didn't order. Mira thrusts a small, laminated menu into her hands, babbling about the different options so quickly that Lucy begins to feel overwhelmed. Half way down the menu she hesitantly interrupts the woman's detailed explanation of how her brother Elfman cooks and prepares the Shepard's Pie. "Um, Natsu recommended the Mac and Cheese?"

Mira claps her hands in front of her, excitement lighting up her eyes. "Oh yes!" She gives her a wink. "Let me just go give Elfman the order and it will be right up!"

She nods, giving an appreciative smile and a 'thank you' before watching the woman disappear through a swinging door that she assumes leads to the kitchen. She fidgets in her seat, unsure of what to do with herself. With no one to focus on she becomes all to aware of the heady scent of sweat and booze, of the sound of pumping hearts. It makes her teeth itch and her stomach clench in self disgust and awareness. She needs a distraction.

Hesitantly, her eyes slide over towards the far end of the bar, hoping to read Gray's eyes and see if he would be open to her company, but finds only an empty seat and an abandoned glass. She bites the inside of her cheek, fighting off the feeling of disappointment and focusing instead on the taste of borrowed blood on her tongue until Mira returns with more faces for her to memorize.

AN: Sorry this took so long! After 38 hours of labor, baby Max decided to make an early arrival! To say that the Hubbie and I are still adjusting to life as parents is an understatement, but we wouldn't give it up for the world!

This chapter was originally twice as long, but due to time constraints I decided to split it so I could get it out to you guys sooner. So the good news is the next chapter is mostly finished, and I'm hoping to get it out to you in about two weeks or so. :)

As always, thank you for your support!