Summary:
When Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman's privacy is rudely invaded by a week-long newspaper exclusive that dubs him 'Humanity's Hottest', he does some digging to identify the mystery writer, dragging himself and the Scouts Division through embarrassing lows, unwanted reveals, and romantic highs.
A/N: Set between the Royal Government and Return to Shiganshina arcs. Spoilers for seasons 2 and 3 of SNK/Attack on Titan. Rated M for language and suggestive themes.
Disclaimer: I do not own the SNK/Attack on Titan story or its characters.
Chapter 1: Enter, Humanity's Hottest
Day 0
It was lunchtime, and Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman was finishing off his meal. It was his favourite time of the day. The mess hall was always rowdy, and he enjoyed taking a seat away from the action and eavesdropping on the snippets of conversation that came his way as he dined. Not because he was interested in the gossip, but rather, because the conversations were typically inane, and he enjoyed seeing the soldiers act their age. Many of them had been forced to mature beyond their childhood years when the titans broke through Wall Maria, a tragedy that Levi wouldn't even wish on his worst enemies. But with the neutralisation of the Female Titan and the recent restructuring of the government, they had finally earned a well-deserved period of peace and life had resumed some semblance of normality.
On this day, however, there was a different atmosphere in mess hall. The recruits spoke in hushed voices, and he noticed with irritation the sly glances of many female recruits directed his way.
"Braus will eat your bread if you stare at me any longer," he remarked dryly at one girl, causing her to blush and look around frantically with a protective hand over her food. Sasha Braus was a household name when it came to food pilfering. Levi was momentarily satisfied, but his irritation soon returned when the giggling started up again.
"Well, if it isn't Levi!" A brash and cheerful Hange plonked herself down next to him. "You're looking chipper today!"
"Hn." Levi sipped his tea, confirming Hange's observation. She continued.
"Have you seen today's issue of The Trost Tribute?"
"No."
"I brought you a copy." She gleefully thrust a newspaper before him. "Page 3, second column down." He began to read.
"Amidst the struggle and strife of our times, a hero rises from the ashes. Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman is an outstanding soldier who has wrought vast destruction upon the titans over the years, earning him the title of 'Humanity's Strongest'. But take extra note, for this man's prowess on the battlefield is equally matched by his prowess in the bedroom. Despite his chibi build, one sultry look from this corporal will have your skin burning hotter than titan flesh rent asunder by his twin blades of justice.
Keep reading for our exclusive, week-long, insider's guide to the man who is, without a doubt,
Humanity's Hottest."
Below the short announcement was a picture of Levi in side-profile sucking lewdly on a strawberry, eyes slanted suggestively towards the camera. The caption was even more provocative: Suck it, strawberry boy!
"Since when did newspapers publish such senseless drivel?" Levi cast the paper from him in disgust, flicking his hand at the picture. "And who the hell is that?"
Hange scanned the picture more closely. "Hmm, this Levi's face is slightly longer and his eyes look softer. They probably got a lookalike – you're already well-known in the community and some of the brothels dress their escorts up to resemble well-known figures." Levi shot her an unimpressed, 'how do you know that' look that she ignored. "But hey, now you're super popular with the ladies, even after they labelled you a 'chibi' and a 'strawberry boy' – this is going to be great!"
He scanned the mess hall, finding new and uncomfortable meaning in the coy actions of the girl recruits.
"If I'd known that our military was a hotbed of sex-hungry maniacs I would have stayed Underground," Levi growled. He reached for his dessert, then stopped abruptly.
Strawberry parfait.
He pulled away, eyes murderous.
Hange cackled.