Sorry for the delay. Work got crazy. Never use a nail gun without eye protection. Seriously.
(Just to clarify for those who don't know, I am an eye surgeon.)
I'm really hoping to finish this endeavor by Christmas! Probably one more chapter. No Bella in this one. It's all original material!
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My mind was racing as I pulled onto the surface streets surrounding Bella's complex. My heart was bursting with hope. Her reaction today really suggested she might be willing to know me again. I couldn't think much further than that, the possibilities seemed too painful. I cruised down Main Street, not really sure where I was going.
First things first, I needed to set the record straight with Jasper, Alice, and Kate over what happened with Bella all those years ago. Those conversations would be tough, especially with Kate. I considered calling them now, but I pushed that idea aside. I needed advice first, and I knew where I could get it. I turned left on Alabama and headed to my parents' house. Mom had told me to drop in any time, so I was going to take her at her word.
It was later than I'd realized, the session and the tour taking more time that I'd thought. It had seemed to fly by. My parents were in the middle of dinner when I pulled into the garage and came through the mudroom into the house. They were sitting together at the kitchen table; I guessed they skipped the dining room when I was not around. My mom was facing the door, and she stood quickly when she saw me come through, her chair scraping along the laminate. Her face lit in a delighted smile, but I could also see the worried tightening around her eyes.
"Edward, what a surprise!" she greeted me. My dad leaned back in his chair and craned his neck around but didn't get up.
"Hey, Son," he called at the same time. My mom dropped her napkin on the table and took several steps towards me.
"Let me get you a plate," she patted my arm and bustled towards the stove. There was a delicious-looking lasagna sitting there, and the smell made my stomach rumble. I hadn't eaten much all day, too nervous about seeing Bella. I hadn't intended to interrupt their dinner, but it looked too good to pass up.
"Thanks, Mom, don't mind if I do," I chuckled, and she quickly dished some up and gestured towards a bowl of salad in the middle of the table. I scooped some onto my plate and soon I was seated with them at the small table, digging into the warm Italian goodness. They had just started, so the three of us ate in silence for a few minutes. Then, my mom put her fork down with a quiet clink and looked at me expectantly. I finished chewing my bite and swallowed.
"Well, my rehab is going really well," I started lamely. She gave me a small smile that told me she knew I was full of shit. "The pitching coach may come to town for a demo if the next week goes well." My dad spoke up.
"That's wonderful news, Edward, and ahead of schedule if I'm not mistaken," he stated, while smiling widely. He took another bite of his food but kept his eyes on my face. I felt a little under the microscope since my mom was staring at me, too. I should have thought this whole thing through a little better.
"What else, Edward?" Mom asked. "Anything else going on that brings you to drop by like this?" She sounded casual, but I knew her question was anything but. I decided just to lay it on the line. I'd needed to do that for six years. If I couldn't brave this sympathetic audience, I was screwed.
"I wanted to talk to you about Bella Swan," I declared, just putting it out there. She nodded, encouraging me to go on. I glanced at my dad. I figured stuff like this was outside his comfort zone, but he was listening with interest, chewing a mouthful of salad. I looked back at my mom, and she raised her eyebrows and gestured with her fork, silently telling me to get on with it.
"We've been working together. I told you about that," I reminded her, and she nodded. Of course, she remembered. I sounded like an idiot. "Anyway, things have been friendly, and I was thinking…" I stopped and looked around the room, searching for the right way to phrase this. "I was thinking that maybe she would be willing to date me again." Those were the words I finally decided upon, but they seemed woefully inadequate.
"All right," Mom said slowly. "Well, I guess you should just ask her," she told me with a shrug. I couldn't believe my dad was still hanging in on this conversation, but he pulled another piece of garlic bread out of the basket on the table and listened with interest.
"Mom," I began, "there's more to it than that." Mom was done eating, and she leaned forward on her elbows clasping her hands in front of her. Her eyes were locked on mine.
"Why?" she asked. "Is Bella involved with someone else? You're a Major League baseball star. I bet you can charm her," she smiled more widely than before, and I knew she was joking, but I cringed a little. That was part of the problem. I knew her eagle eyes didn't miss my reaction, but she waited for me to speak.
"No, she's not dating anyone," I told her, but then second guessed myself. I didn't know that for sure. "I don't think so, anyway," I amended. "The problem is that Bella did not break up with me back in college. I broke up with her, and I wasn't nice about it." Mom looked confused, and she turned to look at my dad. He shrugged and drained the last of the wine out of his glass. Then, he stood and carried his plate to the sink. Apparently, he'd met his limit.
"I'll let you two talk. Edward, don't leave without saying good-bye. I'll be in my study," he kissed my mom on the cheek and excused himself. Mom smiled after him, then turned back to me.
"What are you talking about?" she asked. "You never told me exactly what happened, but I know I was very worried about that relationship," she paused and watched my face. I tried to keep it neutral. I didn't want to snap at her. "I was afraid that Bella would hold you back, and apparently, she was afraid you would hold her back. It seemed as simple as that to me," she spread her hands in front of her, elbows still on the table. "She stopped talking to you, and then you lost your mind."
She gave me her steady mom look, and I knew she was thinking about the call she got from Coach Graham after that missed practice. I opened my mouth to dispute her version of events, but she talked over me. "I have wanted Bella Swan to go away for six years, but, Edward, you have not been the same since her. I knew you were still infatuated with that girl, especially after the argument we had over Victoria last year." She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair.
"Mom," I leaned towards her and spoke urgently. I needed her to listen to me carefully, or I'd never get the truth out. "I found out one of her senior residents was hassling her. I was hurt that she was keeping something so huge from me when we were practically…when we were so close," I trailed off. I'd been about to say that we'd been practically living together, but my mother didn't need to know that. "I went to the hospital and confronted her on Valentine's Day in front of everyone. I yelled at her and humiliated her, and when she tried to call to apologize to me, for what I don't know, I refused to return her calls and told mutual friends to tell her to stay away from my games. I broke up with her." It all spilled out.
My mom looked confused again, then she opened her mouth like she was going to ask a question. Then, she closed her mouth and twisted it, like she was thinking, then she looked away from me. Finally, she turned her eyes on me, and they were blazing.
"Edward Anthony," she started, but the fight went out of her. She put her elbow back on the table and covered her face with her palm. She sighed deeply. She shook her head like she was trying to wake herself up. When she looked back at me, she was just my mom, the best mom in the world, who always had my back.
"Edward," she began again, "I don't need to tell you that you handled that poorly and that I'm more convinced than ever that you were not mature enough at age twenty-one to be in a serious relationship. You've been torturing yourself over this all these years?" she asked, but it really wasn't a question.
"Yes," I admitted. She sighed again.
"Have you talked to Bella about this?" she queried. I shook my head.
"Not yet," I told her. "At first, I wanted to wait until the rehab was done. Since she's helping? I didn't want to cause problems for her professionally. Again." I muttered the last part sheepishly, and my mother frowned at me.
"And now?' she demanded.
"Well, things have been very tense in the sessions," I told her cautiously. "Tense like she might still be interested and realize that I am, too. She said we needed to talk." I related.
"And why in the Hell, did you not talk to her, Edward?" Mom asked incredulously.
"Well…because…I felt like I needed to talk to Kate and Jasper and you to set the record straight," I finished my plea with a gesture at her. Her mouth dropped open, and she looked even more stunned than before.
"Kate and Jasper didn't know about this either?" Her voice pitched up squeakily at the end of her question. I ducked my head and shook it again, not trusting my voice.
"Edward," she breathed it out like a curse and pressed her fingertips against her eyes. "You are brilliant in so many ways," she commented seemingly apropos of nothing, but I understood her. She put her hands down and looked at me, and I could tell the conversation was over. She was done with this and expected me to make it right.
"I thank my lucky stars that you two didn't work out back then. It would have ruined you both. But I am sorry that anyone had to suffer this way, and I suspect you both have. It's time to fix things, my dear. And I don't just mean your elbow, Edward." She gave me a loaded look. "Now go say good night to your father. He and I need to clean up the kitchen." I was dismissed so I sighed and stood. Her arms were around me before I could leave the room, and I wrapped mine around her too. She seemed so small next to me now, but her hugs still fixed the world.
"I love you, Edward," she whispered, and I hugged her tight.
"I love you, too, Mom," I told her. She stepped back and busied herself, and I exited to Dad's study.
"Dad, I'm headed out," I told him. He was seated behind his desk with his readers on his nose. He looked up from the medical journal he was reading and peered at me over them.
"I'll let your mom fill me in, Edward," he said, and I grimaced and leaned against the door frame. "Girl trouble?" he guessed. I just nodded at him.
"If she's worth it, then you should do whatever it takes to fix it," he said simply. He sighed and pulled off his glasses. "You have a lot of great things ahead of you. Just remember that." I nodded again.
"Let's talk more soon," he called as I turned to leave. It occurred to me that he and I really hadn't talked much since I'd gotten back to Houston. He was a man of few words, but I'd always enjoyed our father/son time.
"Sure, Dad," I promised. He went back to his journal, and I headed home to try and get some rest.
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I entered the gym purposefully on Tuesday afternoon. Jasper and I were going to hash this out, or I'd die trying. I decided to wait until the end of the session. We made small talk. He and Alice had gone down Richmond on Saturday night to the hole-in-the-wall empanada place that we used to frequent. I wasn't sure what had prompted their trip down memory lane, but now Alice was craving them again. Jasper admitted his stomach wasn't as strong as it used to be, and he was trying to put her off the heavily fried treats. I was chuckling at his dismay and was struck at how some might consider his plight oppressive and boring. I imagined Bella and I bantering playfully about such benign day-to-day stuff. I wanted that.
I followed Jasper to his office after we were done, determined to spill the whole ugly truth. But he had other ideas and spoke as soon as we'd relaxed into our chairs.
"Edward, I'm sure you see how well this is going," he began excitedly. And I did. I had noticed how much better I was doing today. I felt stronger and more flexible, more like myself. I'd noticed it yesterday with Bella, too, but our encounter had overshadowed it. Okay, this was important, too, I decided. My other discussion with Jasper could wait a few minutes while we focused on this.
"I'm going to call Dr. Cullen this afternoon," he declared. "You're progressing much more quickly than we expected, and I think it's time for another MRI." I nodded in agreement. I'd done much better with this regimen than I had with the off and on program they'd tried in Atlanta. "You could stand to throw some pitches." He eyed me speculatively to see what I would say.
"Really?" He had my attention now. "You think I'm ready for that?" He shrugged but raised his eyebrows in a gesture that clearly meant it was worth a shot. We were both silent for a beat.
"I could be back by May. I could still make the All-Star team," I tried to keep the excitement and hope out of my voice and head, but it was there. Jasper pursed his lips.
"I'd caution you not to get ahead of yourself Edward, but it's a real possibility now," he declared.
"Okay," I enthused. "You call and talk to Dr. Cullen. If he's onboard, then he should contact Coach Felix. Let's get him here, and we'll let him see what I can do." Jasper extended his fist toward me, and I bumped it with a carefree laugh.
"Sure thing," he agreed, moving to stand from his desk chair. "I'll call you later, and let you know what he says. Then, I'll see you Thursday, man." I hesitated. He seemed to consider us done here today, and I still had a few things to say.
"What's up?" he asked and settled back into his seat, looking at me curiously. I was quiet too long, trying to collect me thoughts, and he spoke again.
"Edward?" He was watching me suspiciously. It was now or never.
"Jasper, I wanted to talk about Bella Swan," I finally blurted. He sighed and spun his chair in a circle. I opened my mouth to continue, but he interrupted.
"Not this again!" he spat. His face was angry. I was surprised and a little intimidated. I wanted to interject but he kept going. "Edward, she's kept up her end of the bargain. She's been professional and showed up on time, in the right spot. That's it. I can't for the life of me figure out why everyone tiptoes around her so much. She was a stuck up bitch the first time I met her, refusing to mingle with anyone at that party." Jasper took a deep breath when he finished this tirade and placed his hands palms down on the desk like he was trying to center himself. It was worse than I'd thought. He'd really built up a grudge against her over all these years.
"But I wanted to tell you something about her," I told him timidly. He scowled at me.
"Is she pressuring you?" he demanded. "Alice swears she doesn't have a cunning bone in her body, but now would be a great time to swoop in and claim the sports superstar when he's down on his luck." My mouth dropped open at this ridiculousness.
"First of all, I think I can take care of myself. Second of all, you just said I'm healing faster than expected!" I shouted. I was getting off track, and I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. I needed to get back on topic. "Bella is not pressuring me. As you said, she has been supremely professional. I gave her a tour of the ballpark yesterday." He sat back in his chair and raised his eyebrows at me.
"I wondered why you moved the therapy session," he said. "Was that her suggestion or yours? A personal tour of Minute Maid is a nice perk," he insinuated. I huffed.
"I'm the one who suggested it! I offered it to her. Because she's never been in the park. She only used to go to games with her dad at the Astrodome," I ranted. Jasper's mouth became a thin line.
"And how do you know that, Edward? Why do you know so much about this girl?" he asked. I was totally off topic again. I tried again to pull things back on track.
"Jasper, she didn't break up with me. I broke up with her," I practically shouted. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.
"This is the kind of delusional crap that I can't deal with right now," he told me quietly. "We have bigger fish to fry right now. Can you not focus on rehab for five minutes, please?" he drawled sarcastically. "Please, let's talk to Dr. Cullen, get the MRI, bring Coach Felix to town, and go from there, all right?" His tone turned pleading at the end, and that's what took the fight out of me. He was trying to help me. He wasn't listening to what I was saying, but he meant well. I didn't know how to break through this crazy bias right now, so I gave up.
"Fine. We can talk about this later," I agreed. He rolled his eyes, and I knew that meant he hoped that conversation would never happen. I walked out of his office feeling like a total failure.
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Sleep did not come easy that night. I had every reason in the world for optimism given the speed with which my recovery was tracking, but I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. I knew she was expecting to hear from me, but I was no closer to accomplishing my self-assigned tasks than I had been when we'd parted on Monday.
Wednesday was supposed to be my rest day, so I stayed in bed a little longer than normal still fatigued from my tossing and turning. I was still nursing my coffee, barefoot, dressed in a t-shirt and sleep pants when there was a knock on my door. I glanced at the clock on the stove with surprise and saw it was nearly ten o'clock. I wasn't expecting anyone, but it had to be someone I knew since no one else could get up the elevator. I was even more perplexed when I saw my dad through the peephole. I opened the door.
"Hey, Dad," I greeted him, and he stepped inside the door. He was carrying a duffel bag. "What are you doing here?" He set his bag down on the decorative chair just inside the entryway, and I gestured towards my coffee maker, silently asking if he'd like a cup. He nodded gratefully, and I got to work, placing a pod inside the machine.
"Well, I'm off for the rest of the week, and I decided to head down to South Padre," he explained. "I want you to come with me. Pack a bag," he gestured down the hallway towards my bedroom. To say I was surprised by his answer was a great understatement. We had a beach house down on South Padre Island and used it as a vacation rental for most of the year. I hadn't been down there or even thought about it in years.
"What about Mom?" I asked him in confusion. He just shrugged.
"I thought it could just be the two of us. I know you don't have rehab on Wednesdays, and I'm pretty sure you could arrange to work on Saturday instead of Thursday without too much trouble," he explained. I was touched he seemed to know so much about my schedule. It was easy to think of my father as distracted and tied up in his job, but he'd always had my back.
"Edward, I know you're going through some stuff right now. A few days away with your old man might help. I already checked in with Randall, and the boat is ours tomorrow if we want it." My dad had chartered Randall's fishing boat countless times when I was growing up. We'd had a tradition of father/son fishing trips but hadn't been able to keep it up since I'd gone pro. Suddenly, his offer was beyond tempting. Some time on the water might be just what I needed to clear my head. I could talk to Kate when we got back.
"You know, Dad, that sounds great," I told him, a smile blooming on my face. "Let me just make a few calls. I need to clear it with Jasper, and Coach Felix at the very least." His smile answered mine, and I got to work freeing my schedule.
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We were on the road in just about an hour. Dad agreed to let me drive my Corvette, mostly because I don't think he'd ever ridden in it. We took the T-tops off and suffered with the poor city air at first, but it didn't take us long to leave the city behind. The sun shone down on us, but the heat of a Texas spring hadn't taken over yet. Our conversation was small talk as we drove. We seemed to have an unspoken agreement to postpone the heavy topics until we had an ocean view.
We stopped for a late lunch at a Whataburger just outside of Corpus. It was close to halfway, and we had stopped at this place countless times on countless other trips. I usually tried to eat a bit healthier, but tradition outweighed that concern. Jalapenos on a cheeseburger was just the way things were supposed to be. I shivered thinking about the Tex-Mex in Atlanta. Another reason I was happy to be home.
We were about to toss our trash, when the young man who had been sweeping the opposite side of the restaurant approached us. He looked like a high school student, and he smiled at us shyly as he thrust an unused paper burger wrapper at me.
"Are you Edward Masen?' he fidgeted, and I nodded affirmatively. "Will you sign this, please? You're my favorite player since you're from Houston. I'm so glad you're back to play there now," he finished earnestly. I signed the paper, and we hurried out of there. A definite reminder that my life was different than it had been. We got back on the road.
Finally, we started crossing the intercoastal waterway, and the Gulf of Mexico spread out before us. We still had to drive a way to get to our townhouse, turning back north once we were on the island. The high-rises were packed closely at the south end, but the further you drove north, the more detached houses and space you could find. Finally, we pulled into one of the parking spaces underneath the building allotted for our unit. The sound of the ocean was loud as we climbed out of the car. Dad fished for his keys, and we climbed the low steps to enter the bottom floor.
Dad climbed the stairs beyond to the upper floors and the master bedroom to drop his stuff, but I slowly wandered the space, reacquainting myself. The bottom floor housed a bedroom, a game room complete with a pool table, and a mudroom of sorts. I'd always slept on the top floor in a room with a balcony that overlooked the gulf and planned to do so again. I went up to the main middle floor. The kitchen, living area, and main balcony were here. I dropped my bag on the couch and wandered onto the main balcony.
Our private plunge pool was directly below me, but the gulf stretched out, seemingly endless before me beyond the sparkling white sand. The waves crashed, and I felt peaceful. I thought about bringing Bella here, and it seemed like a great idea. If we could ever sort things out, then we could have privacy and just be together. I briefly considered that I couldn't remember ever even mentioning this place to Victoria. I heard the door slide open behind me, and Dad stepped up next to me.
"It strikes me every time how beautiful it is," he commented quietly. "I see so much ugliness in my day-to-day. Coming here makes it just that much easier to bear." I thought about that for a minute. I knew my dad's job as a burn surgeon involved horror on a scale beyond my imagination, and I tried never to dwell on that. But if he could handle that, then I surely could get my own act together. I took a deep breath and smelled the salt water.
"Why don't you put your stuff down?" he encouraged. "I called ahead, and Mary stocked the fridge. I can throw some flounder steaks on the grill, and she left a salad and her famous fiesta rice here for us." I smiled to myself. So, this was not a last-minute lark. He had to have been planning this since Monday evening. It didn't matter. I appreciated it all the same. I smiled and clapped him on the shoulder and headed up to the third floor to drop my bag. There were two rooms on this level, each with their own bathrooms, but I always stayed in the one with the gulf view and balcony. Once settled, I made my way back downstairs to join my dad.
He'd already cracked a Shiner when I got there and had one waiting for me. We made our way back out onto the balcony, and he lit the gas grill. Together, we checked the fridge and found the steaks marinating and the rest of the sides waiting there too. I promised to set those out on the dining table on the balcony, while Dad took care of the grilling.
Finally, the sun was sinking, and we were enjoying a crisp white wine left for us by our excellent caretaker. The ocean breeze was strong, and there were buildups growing over the water. I thought there might be a storm tonight. The food was delicious, and I felt more relaxed than I had in six years. I was grateful to my father for suggesting this. Finally, it was time to talk. His face was obscured by the shadows on the balcony, but I knew it so clearly, it didn't matter.
"So, I wanted to talk to you about this girl who has you so rattled," he began, but then paused to chew, giving me a minute to collect myself. "It seems she got under your skin all those years ago. You didn't forget her." That last part could have been a question, but I knew it wasn't.
"Yeah," I admitted. "I'm not over her. I want her back." I'd said it out loud for the first time, but it was true.
"Your mother is worried that it will affect your comeback. I bet your other friends might think similar," he stated.
"Yeah," I said again. I almost smiled. We would make for very boring TV right now.
"Only you know what's right," he said. "Don't listen to anyone else. Your mom has strong opinions. She tries to help everyone. She's usually right, but sometimes she's not. I witness the worst day of a person's life on a regular basis. It's hard. But every now then, I also get to see a victory so filled with joy and pride that it makes up for it. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" he asked.
"I think so," I told him. Then, I clarified because I wanted to make sure that I did understand. "You want me to listen to my heart, then ignore everyone else, and just tell Bella how I feel." It had gotten pretty dark out by this point, and I couldn't make out his features very clearly, but I thought I could see him smile.
"Exactly, Edward. That's it exactly," I could definitely hear the smile in his voice. Sleep was not elusive that night, in fact, it was the best I'd had in weeks.
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Thursday dawned bright and clear, the clouds from last night's storm had migrated east and were long gone. It was cooler, and we had to bundle up a bit, but we were ready to find some marlin by the time we boarded Randall's boat. He arranged the poles on the back of the boat, and we headed out.
All three of us clutched large coffees and chatted together in the cockpit during the lengthy trip out. I hadn't seen Randall in years, and he was loquacious, asking all about my professional career. He admitted that he had already online purchased an Astros jersey with my name on the back for his son. The conversation made me feel a bit jinxed, but I reminded myself that the rehab was going well, and there was every chance I'd be back on the mound before the all-star break. I tried to convey confidence.
I had not thought of it, and I saw the moment that my dad realized he hadn't either, but fishing, deep water in particular, is not a great activity for someone with an elbow injury. We had a brute on the line almost immediately once Randall got us out to his secret spot. These were huge beasts, and it would take some muscle to reel them in. I might have the strength, but I couldn't risk my elbow, so I sheepishly let my dad take over the job of wrestling them on board. He and Randall both ribbed me gently, so that in the end I didn't feel too bad about it.
Randall offered to clean and slice our catch into steaks to keep in the townhouse's freezer, and we agreed with thanks. I hopefully considered that before too long maybe Bella and I could visit and enjoy the bounty of this trip my dad had arranged. He had been right, and I felt worlds better after only 36 hours. Mary had left us some gumbo while we'd been out, which was great since it was late when we arrived back, both mildly sunburned and exhausted. We heated it up on the stove per her instructions and enjoyed it on the balcony with some Shiner Bock. It was another perfect evening, and we watched the moon rise together in companionable silence.
The next morning, we headed back to Houston, but I felt calmer about my task. My dad knew the whole story by now, and I called Kate when we were on the road. My dad was driving and seemed to be getting a huge kick out of that.
"Katie, I need to talk to you about some stuff," I told her once she answered the phone.
"Sure, how about breakfast tomorrow morning? I haven't had banana waffles at Le Peep in months," she suggested. I considered the timing with chagrin. Also, I hated the attention I got when I tried to eat out in Houston these days. But I would accommodate her since I knew how pissed she was going to be after I explained everything.
"I was hoping we could meet this evening after my therapy session," I told her.
"Sorry, Edward, but Garrett and I are using those symphony tickets that you gave us tonight," she reminded me. I nodded with chagrin even though she couldn't see me.
"Okay, breakfast tomorrow it is. I'd rather do take out, but if you're set on Le Peep, then do you want to meet at the one on Greenbriar by Rice?" I clarified.
"Breakfast food never tastes as good after it's been in a box for thirty minutes, so you're going to have to suck it up, Mr. Celebrity," she joked. I confirmed our plans with apprehension and hung up. I predicted this wouldn't go well. I stared silently ahead for the rest of the drive, my nerves building. My dad left me alone with my thoughts. He'd already reminded me what was at stake, and I was going to hold onto that.
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So, you may or may not have seen on old blogs that this story was based on a real incident where one of the Rice baseball players hit on me at a party. I was 23 and a student at Baylor, while he was only 19 and still a student (albeit a famous one) at Rice. So that was a NO for me, no matter how cute he was. I saw him on TV years later, but I haven't heard of him lately. My TOPGUN grad husband has turned out far better for me, lol. I combined this memory with the inspiration that hit when I heard the song Get Hurt by The Gaslight Anthem. I decided to write an Edward that was asking for it. So…
Has anyone else heard that song by Matt Maeson? Hallucinogenics? That song is just screaming for someone to write a self-loathing Edward based on it. It even mentions Seattle. Someone get on that, lol!