*EPOV*

I was at home during the early morning hours that I typically spent cleaning myself up and catching up with the family while Bella slept. I was sitting at my piano and had been tinkering around with a new composition when I abruptly turned away from the keys to ask Alice the question that had been burning on my mind.

"Have you noticed anything different about Bella lately, Alice?" I asked with a furrowed brow, trying to pinpoint what had been amiss.

"Besides the god-awful sweater she wore yesterday? Not really. Why?" Alice sounded bored. Her eyes went blank as she searched for Bella's future but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Then she turned back to unenthusiastically scrolling the images of a fashion blog on her futuristic-looking laptop, a prototype, and a perk of being one of Apple's top shareholders.

"She just doesn't seem like herself. She's very subdued. It's like she's lost her spark...She doesn't ever want to leave her house, not even to come here. She doesn't even want to go to La Push to see Jacob, not that I'm complaining about that."

I sifted through recent memories of Bella, both in my head and in Alice's, looking for something I had missed, some red flag or interaction that had been a precursor to her sudden depression.

"Bella hasn't even picked a fight with me in what feels like months! She hasn't said anything to you? Mentioned something she's unhappy about?" I frowned.

"Sounds like she's depressed. Or maybe just being a sullen teenage girl? Isn't that pretty par for the course for a girl her age?"

"Maybe," I said doubtfully. "But when has Bella ever behaved like a normal teenage girl?"

Alice looked thoughtful.

I suppose it wouldn't be all that surprising if Bella had had a "honeymoon period" when we returned to Forks, and now she's having a delayed onslaught of post-traumatic depression. I'm no psychologist, but trauma has a way of sneaking up on people after they thought they already dealt with it.

"You're no psychologist, you just have a Master's degree on the subject," I snorted at her.

She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Oh, very mature," I laughed.

I crumpled up a piece of staff paper that had been lying atop my piano and lobbed it at her. In the split-second before I had even moved to crumple the paper, she had crossed the room, retrieved a waste paper bin, and returned to her seat on the couch where she handily caught the projectile in the bin. It happened so fast, a human would have missed the interaction entirely.

The levity was short-lived; however, as I processed what Alice had said in her thoughts. My Bella was suffering, and as usual, it was my fault. Could I do nothing right by her?

I let out a roar of frustration and swiped my hand at the stack of music on my baby grand, sending sheets of paper flying in every direction.

You've come to the wrong person for sympathy, brother, she thought calmly, without looking up from her computer. I told you this would happen if you left. What did you think would happen? That you'd come back to her after both of you attempted your own suicides and you'd just pick up where you left off? Don't be so obtuse, Edward. Alice scrolled faster, the only outward indication of her irritation.

Infuriated by the truth of her words, I stalked out of the room. Bella would be waking soon and I needed to get back to her. The weight of my guilt felt like it would bury me. How would I even begin to make this right?

I was running now. I ran through the woods faster than a bullet train to get to Bella. A dry sob escaped my chest as I passed the clearing in the trees where I had left her on that loathsome day.

If a vampire could feel dizzy, I would have been sick with the images I had seen in Jacob's head of Sam Uley finding Bella in a broken heap on the forest floor, shivering and incoherent. I was under siege by the memories of the sleepless nights Charlie had spent being jolted awake by his only daughter's agonized cries. The helplessness he felt when he couldn't console her was all-consuming.

The worst part was knowing that she probably would've fared better if she had been assaulted by those predators in Port Angeles rather than being "rescued" by me that night, the night I told her the truth about my world.

No, the very worst part of it was knowing that was true and still admitting to myself that even if I could go back and do it differently, she still would've ended up in my car that night.

A world in which Bella never loved me was not a world I was willing to consider.

*Bella POV*

I woke up slowly, reluctantly, after a long, restless night of tossing and turning. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, but as soon as I stretched my limbs out in my double bed and found it to be too roomy and far, far too warm, I bolted upright and looked around the room panicked. I found him sitting in the rocker with a dire expression on his face. The panic resurged.

I felt my brow furrow with worry. "What's happened? Why do you look like that?"

Edward's expression softened, and he smiled weakly at me, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Just had a long night is all, love. Did you sleep alright?"

I started to answer his question, but then it dawned on me that if he was asking me how I slept, it was because he wasn't here to know the answer. Well, that explained the dreams, I thought with a frown.

I crawled out of bed and stood in front of the mirror and groaned at my haggard appearance.

"Not particularly, no," I answered, trying to rub a kink out of my neck. Edward was behind me in an instant.

"Mmm, that feels so good," I moaned appreciatively as Edward's icy hands massaged the tension out of my neck and shoulders. He inhaled sharply at the sound. The next thing I knew, his arms were around me, hugging me fiercely from behind.

Edward's left arm wrapped around my torso, his hand resting on my ribcage below my right breast. The other forearm was folded across my chest, that hand gripping my left shoulder. His face was tucked between my neck and shoulder, and I could feel his ragged breath freezing a small area of skin just below my ear.

I closed my eyes and wrapped my own arms around his, holding him to me as tightly as I could, reveling in the feeling of being enveloped by him. He held me so tightly I could barely breathe; I wished he would hold me tighter still.

Edward took one last deep breath and relaxed his hold on me, but did not move his arms away. I used the slack to turn around and face him. His eyes were black and the purple shadows beneath them were more pronounced than I had ever seen them before.

I put my hands on either side of the smooth marble of his face and stroked the purple hollows with my thumbs as if to rub them away.

"You did have a bad night. Want to tell me about it?"

"Eventually. But right now, all I want to do is whatever will make you smile. It feels like I haven't seen you smile, really smile, for so long. So your wish is my command. Tell me you want to see Paris and we'll be taking a selfie from the top of the Eiffel Tower by nightfall. Anything you want, just name it."

"I don't think the top of the Eiffel Tower is on the tour," I ribbed.

"Yes, well, the vampire tour is highly exclusive," he leaned in and blazed a trail of kisses from the hollow beneath my ear to the hollow of my throat and back again. "You're not going to find it on Trip Advisor," he whispered huskily in my ear making chills run down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I stiffened in his arms and he immediately felt the change in my posture.

"What is it?" He put a finger under my chin and tilted my face upward until I met his eyes. Concern clouded his perfect features.

"The last time you wanted to skip town with me, a vengeful vampire was coming after me. So what is it this time?" I asked, not bothering to keep the cynicism out of my voice.

Edward flinched as if I had struck him. He then gathered my hands into his and pressed them against his heart.

"I swear to you, Bella, I have no ulterior motives. And I'm sorry that...that I ever felt the need to lie to you to protect you. I will never lie to you again. I will spend eternity trying to gain back your trust," he vowed.

"So no vengeful vampires?" I cheered slightly.

"Not today," he qualified with a lopsided grin.

"And we can go anywhere I want?"

"Anywhere," he promised.

"Great." I took his hand and led him back to my bed. I laid down and pulled him down next to me. He pulled me toward him so that my back was pressed up against his chest.

"So where are we going?" he asked excitedly.

"Right here," I snuggled deeper into his arms.

"Bella…" he started to object, his voice stern.

"You said anywhere I want. And I don't want to be anywhere else than right here with you."

"But there is so much of the world that you haven't seen! I would love to show you if you would just let me. You're only human once, after all," he chuckled.

"If I went on another international vacation with you, Charlie's head would explode. He's only just forgiven me for my last little trip across the pond," I said sourly.

Edward sighed in frustration. "Eternity is a long time to spend in this bedroom, Bella."

"Would you just stop with the eternity stuff?" I snapped at him and immediately regretted it.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Edward's voice was laden with hurt.

I broke away from him and sat cross-legged on the bed so I could see his face. He mirrored my actions.

"It just means...you don't want me to be a vampire. And until the Volturi forces your hand, I won't be one, and maybe not even then. So let's just call a spade a spade."

Edward was silent for a long time.

"Bella," his voice was velvet fire, "tell me why you think I don't want you to be changed."

She shrugged. "How the hell should I know, Edward? Whenever I bring it up, you get all incensed and threaten to leave," I gestured toward the window.

Edward's jaw opened and then closed, but no words came out.

"Tell me anyway," he urged. "Tell me why you think I don't want to change you," he repeated, more intensely this time.

"I won't be warm and soft. I won't smell like me. Maybe you'll be able to read my mind when we're more alike, and the novelty of that will be gone, too. All the reasons you had for loving me won't be valid anymore."

Edward made a choking sound in the back of his throat.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he almost sounded mad. "You...you think I won't love you anymore once you've been changed?" Edward's expression was horror-struck.

"Well if that's not the reason, what is?"

"For starters, how about the agonizing pain?" He gingerly held up my right hand, the one scarred by James. I flinched at the memory of the fire coursing through my veins.

"Or the loss of your humanity. The loss of your family and friends. The loss of your fertility. And depending on what you believe, the loss of your soul, Bella. Are those reasons sufficient, or should I go on? Because I have plenty more" he asked pointedly.

What could I say to that? I dropped my head and stubbornly scowled at a loose thread in my comforter. A cool finger pulled my chin back up to look at him.

"Of course I want to spend eternity with you, you silly girl. More than you could possibly imagine! But doing so will be the most selfish act I'll ever commit, so yes, I have some reservations. But none of those reservations have anything to do with how I will feel about you afterward. You will always be my whole world." He cradled the side of my face with his palm. I leaned into his touch. We were quiet together like that for a long moment.

"So, are you really not going to let me take you anywhere?" Edward asked, pouting.

"How about to your house? I'd like to see Esme." I suggested.

Edward sprang off the bed and reached out his hand to help me up.

He smiled warmly. "She'll like that. C'mon Miss Swan, I'll drive."