Chapter 7: Humanity's Hottest Heeds Advice
"We regretfully announce the early conclusion of our week-long series of Humanity's Hottest due to requests from our insider source to terminate publication of the outstanding pieces. They do, however, insist that if the published articles have not already persuaded you of the physical, sexual, and behavioural appeal of Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman, you may request your money back."
Editor's note: Please note that all purchases from the Trost Tribute are non-refundable.
Public interest in Humanity's Hottest gradually waned with the conclusion of the beloved series. However, the published segments had a humanising effect on Levi's public image, transforming him from an untouchable God into a worshipped idol. This subtle change did not escape Erwin, who instructed the corporal to give more interviews and make appearances at public outreach events to boost the Scouts division's recruitment rates. He also assigned Levi a publicity manager.
"Levi, meet Ezra Steiner." A short, skinny man with a pointed face, thin, cruel lips, thick spectacles, and a mop of short, black hair with a middle parting came forth and bowed.
"He's a short-sighted Levi!" Hange squealed with delight.
"This is nuts," Levi growled.
"Give it two weeks," Erwin ordered.
Levi terrorised his publicity manager, who terrorised him right back. Recruitment rates shot through the roof. Ezra Steiner stayed.
Levi's new responsibilities left him with little time for his squad, but the military compound was only so big. Eventually, he ran into Mikasa by the entrance gates. She was alone and panting lightly as if she had been running. She clutched a small, brown bag to her chest.
He played it cool. "Slacking off, Ackerman?"
"Yes, heichou. I'm sorry, I needed to run an errand in town." She tilted her head slightly towards him and leaned in suggestively. "Please punish me." A small tongue darted out to moisten delicate, parted lips.
And she had told him he was her first! Levi almost took cunning Jezebel right then and there.
After that incident, they played little games. Levi would devise strategies to catch Mikasa at breakfast, in the corridor, or during training. When he succeeded, she would reward his efforts with a sultry look or a casual brushing of her hand against his in passing. Sometimes, they even stole hungry kisses in the corridor.
Mikasa sparked an electrifying energy in Levi that sometimes drove him to impulsive acts. The most outrageous example of this was when Levi snuck into Mikasa's room in the dead of night to leave her a bouquet of flowers. She had caught him (by his own design, he insisted), and they had engaged in rough, steamy sex, banging the headboard of Mikasa's bed to the rhythm of sonorous snoring from the big-boned soldier the next room over. However, they were rudely interrupted by the unexpected sound of knocking on the door, and Mikasa had unceremoniously shoved Levi out the window.
Hanging from the window ledge half-naked with his shirt bundled under one arm, Levi overheard Sasha's sleepy voice asking Mikasa whether she had been playing woodblocks, and why did some people like playing percussion instruments in the middle of the night, anyway? Levi wanted to leap back into Mikasa's room and tell Sasha to jam her blockhead ears with cotton so he and Mikasa could finish what they had started. But he did not, and Sasha was sent away as disoriented and clueless as ever. And so the games continued.
One day, Levi was taking a break from work when he noticed Mikasa training on the grounds below his window. He watched as she flowed gracefully through a series of combat stances. Her attacks were flawless, but with some slight postural adjustments she could improve her accuracy and increase her damage potential. It wasn't long before his mind moved onto more pleasurable thoughts.
"Yo, Levi! What's the happening?" Hange's voice blared into the room as she strode through the open door, surprising him. Before he could react, Hange was at his side, peering out the window.
"Oh, it's Mikasa. Mikasa!" Hange called and waved. Mikasa turned at Hange's voice and raise a hesitant hand in response. She smiled. "Beautiful view, eh?"
"Hn."
"Ohhh?" Hange's eyes widened at his almost inaudible admission and she did a double take on Levi's face. Hange was one of the few people who knew Levi well enough to distinguish an angry look from a happy one, which was no mean feat.
"You have feelings for Mikasa."
"I don't."
"Then why do you zone out whenever she's nearby? Yesterday I had to ask you three times to deal with the recruits with attention deficit disorder!"
"I was distracted!" Levi glared, and continued before Hange could point out the irony. "It's none of your business."
"I thought you were mad at her for writing wild rumours about you!" Levi had filled her in on the details of the case, selectively.
"I was. I already told you. I confronted her, and we worked it out." A look of horror spread across Hange's face.
"Ah! You slept with her!"
"Say that louder so the whole building can hear too, why don't you," Levi growled.
"So you don't deny it."
Levi stared at the stack of papers on his desk, glancing at the title of the topmost report for a distraction. Strategies for fostering inter-divisional military relations. Not helpful.
"Levi, you know that fraternising is foolish, especially in our line of work. The only reason why Erwin didn't make a rule against it is because mortality rates in our division are high, and that's saying something."
"It won't happen again." Levi said, stealing a glance out the window. Mikasa was gone.
Hange heaved a melodramatic sigh at her colleague's duplicitous action. "I guess we've now got squad captains with split personalities, too."
"Stop being so nosy and get out. Don't you have a titan to study?"
"Oh yeah!" Hange's eyes lit up. "I was doing some experiments on Eren today. You won't believe how many soldiers he can fit into his titan's mouth without swallowing!"
"The military is doing a fine job training its soldiers to climb into the mouth of the first titan they see," Levi grumbled.
"No, you misunderstand! I was thinking that if we need a quick ambush strategy, Eren could transform and the soldiers could hide in his mouth, and at a signal they could all burst out and start attacking the enemy…"
"So you're turning Jaeger into a broodmother."
"Well, when you put it like that, I guess the idea is Erwin-level crazy." Hange's face fell. "Kind of amazing how many soldiers I convinced into climbing into Eren's mouth, though…"
"We need to stop recruiting mindless shits into the military," Levi said. Hange giggled.
"You just gave me a new idea for an experiment!"
"Don't annihilate the entire division before our next mission."
"Wouldn't dream of it! I've got to go set up, I'll see you around." Her face suddenly grew serious. "But Levi, returning to topic – please don't do anything rash. I won't tell Erwin about this because you're my good friend. But nothing good will come out of this. You should break things off with Mikasa before it gets too serious. I don't want to see either of you getting hurt." She left, and the door closed behind her with a firm click.
Hange's parting speech may as well have been a bucket of ice-cold water over Levi's head. Although he had registered somewhere in the back of his mind that he was being inappropriate with Mikasa, he had let himself get so carried away that Hange had had to tell him off. So what if Mikasa returned his feelings, and he had the strength of an entire brigade and she the strength of one hundred soldiers? Missions were fickle, and even with the best preparations one stroke of bad luck was all that was needed to bring about countless deaths. Never mind if they were both killed; it would be even worse if only one of them made it out alive. He had seen Mikasa's rampages when Eren was in danger – not even dead, just in danger – and for his part knew that his feelings for her had grown so strongly and so steadily over time that he would go mad with grief if something were to happen to her. He silently thanked Hange for bringing him to his senses and resolved to distance himself from Mikasa.
That evening, he had returned to his room and was reviewing a report when he heard a knock on his door. He opened it to find Mikasa standing there. Somehow, she had infiltrated the senior officers' quarters.
"What are you doing here, Ackerman," he said, dreading the inevitable.
She grabbed his arm and drew herself to him. He looked into her onyx eyes and was mesmerised by the complex shadows flickering within them. Stormy clouds rolling across dark pastures.
"Kiss me."
He pulled away and mustered his resolve. "No."
Her eyes flashed. "Why not?"
"You're being inappropriate. Don't approach me again," he said. She reached out to brush a strand of hair from his face. He slapped her hand away and she recoiled, confused.
"That's an order."
He slammed the door in her surprised face, took a few steps back, and then waited.
"Traitor," he heard her hiss angrily through the door. He didn't reply. At length, he heard her huff and walk off. He ran an agitated hand through his hair. Better an angry Mikasa than a heartbroken one.
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