*EPOV*
The day that Bella Swan walked into my biology class, the monster in me, in all my years, had never encountered anything it wanted so badly as her sweet-smelling blood. After I conquered that demon, I thought I'd never feel that overwhelming pull of desire for anything that acutely ever again. And then Bella walked into her bedroom wearing nothing but her towel, and I knew immediately how wrong I'd been.
Bella's skin was pink and dewy, still warm from the shower. Her scent hung in the air clouding my brain and shooting flames down my throat. The pain was as exquisite as she was.
Her still wet hair was combed back from her face. It clung to her shoulders in long dark tendrils creating tiny beads of moisture that would drip tantalizingly from the ends of her hair to her shoulders, over the delicate bones of her clavicle, and down into the valley between her breasts. I wanted to chase those droplets of water with my tongue as badly as if I were a human man dying of thirst in the middle of the Sahara.
And then my brave little lamb took my cold, stone hand -the hand of a monster- and placed it on the flushed, exposed skin above her racing heart and declared it mine. The heat of her skin, the smell of her blood, the devotion in her eyes, the pounding of her heart, it overwhelmed me so completely that it took all my control just to hold her without hurting her.
And then the guilt overcame me, because even if I'dnever hurt her or betrayed her trust or stolen her from the mortal world where she belonged, there was still nothing about me that was worthy of the goddess that stood before me.
With every touch, with my very presence, I was putting her at risk. It seemed I couldn't stop hurting her no matter what I did. Stay or leave, lies or truth, human world or immortal, she would pay for what I was. And it was a price she paid over and over again.
It was these very thoughts that convinced me to leave her in the first place, but I'd never make that mistake again. No, I would just find a way to live with the all-consuming guilt as both penance and opportunity cost. And once she was changed and no longer set my throat aflame with her mere proximity, the unending guilt would burn in its place. Though, that was nothing compared to what I was getting in return.
I needed to calm myself. I was probably scaring her with the depth of my emotion. I breathed Bella in once more, and stepped back from her, though it felt like it would kill me to part from her.
"Sorry about that," I laughed once, humorlessly. "Everything about vampires is hyperbolic. We are supernaturally fast and strong...and also emo," I said with a sheepish half-smile.
"Emmett would probably say that's just you," Bella quipped with a wink.
I had a hearty laugh at that.
"Nothing gets by you, Miss Swan," I placed a soft kiss on her damp, strawberry-scented hair. "Now will you please put your clothes on before I do something I regret?"
"Ooh, now i'm curious. What would you do to me that you'd regret?" She said with waggling eyebrows and a mischievous glint in her eyes.
So many things. I said nothing, just gave her a teasing scowl.
"So, no 2nd gear, then?" Obviously bluffing, she moved to unhitch her towel. I growled and her heart skipped a beat.
"Alright, alright. Reverse," she conceded with a little disappointed huff. I laughed as she literally backed out of the room, pajamas in hand.
I sat on her bed to wait for her to return. I could hear Charlie downstairs, snoring away in his armchair where he had fallen asleep watching television.
After Bella finished in the bathroom, I listened curiously as she padded downstairs and nudged Charlie awake. Concerned about his back if he slept in that position for too long, she told him to go sleep in his room. My sweet, kindhearted Bella was always finding new ways to care for the people she loved; it was touching.
Soon after that, I heard Charlie's bedroom door open and close. His mattress springs squeaked, and then the snoring resumed. A few moments later, Bella returned to her room shutting the door behind her. I patted the spot on the bed next to me, gesturing for her to join me.
"So how did your alone time go today?" I asked her interestedly as she curled up next to me. I hoped it had gone better for her than it did for me.
Her eyes lit up. "It was great, actually! I had a nice talk with Charlie. And you were right about him being happy to see me doing other things. I got through the first 4 chapters of my new book. I don't know how I feel about Harper Lee turning Atticus into some kind of a racist, though. It just seems so wrong."
I nodded in agreement, "Yes, it can be very difficult to take our heroes down off their pedestals once we put them up there," I mused.
"Oh! One other thing, I told Charlie to invite Sue over for dinner. I didn't think about it until afterward that she might bring Seth and Leah over, so if my future disappears, don't panic!" She warned.
"Great," I said sarcastically. "More wolves in your life to worry about," I teased. "But I'm glad you did that. Thank you for letting me know."
I rubbed small circles on her back as I held her. She would be so much happier if she knew that Charlie had someone to care for him when she left his home. That reminded me...
"Speaking of upcoming dinner plans, I hope you don't mind, but since you agreed to a date night, I took the liberty of planning a little outing for us tomorrow night. And before you grumble about it, we will be staying within the Seattle Metropolitan Area."
"Dinner plans? With you? Should I be worried?" She covered her throat with her hands and grinned broadly.
She really was utterly absurd. Imagine the most vulnerable of all humans teasing her vampire soul(less)mate about killing her, when I had very nearly done just that on more than one occasion. I wondered if it was possible for her backward instincts to translate over into her vampire body, and what would that look like?
"I was under the impression that you were in a hurry for immortality," I purred, blazing a trail of lingering kisses from her collarbone up to the hollow behind her ear.
"Oh I am," her voice faltered as the blood rushed to the surface of her skin and her heart sped up. "But not two weeks before our wedding," Bella concluded.
"Oh no?" I kissed her from the shell of her ear down the length of her jaw. When I got to her adorably dimpled chin, I paused there for a moment to kiss her deeply on the mouth.
"The red eyes would...ohh...clash with my shoes." Her little moan sent a thrill right through me.
"Damn," I said, slowly adoring my way up the other side of her jaw. "I'll just have to figure out something else to do, then. Any ideas?"
I positioned myself on top of her, careful to support all of my weight on my forearms on either side of her head. When I kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear, she gasped.
"I can think of a few," she said in a ragged breath and then thrusted her hips up against mine. I sucked in a hard breath through my teeth and locked my muscles into place.
"Sorry!" she whispered, frozen in place.
"Just give me a moment please," I said struggling to control my voice.
On any other night I would have been across the room, but she was right that if we were going to "try," it was time to start pushing some boundaries. And if I was honest, there was nothing that I wanted more in that moment than to hear her moan again and know that I brought her that pleasure. After a few more deep breaths, I was in better control of myself, and I wanted more.
"I just want to try one thing. Stay very still. Don't move," I said in a strained voice, repeating the same words I'd used the very first time I'd kissed her.
Her arms were by her sides; I positioned myself between her legs. My forearms rested on either side of her gently but firmly pinning her arms to her own body. With my hips pressed up against hers, my body rendered hers completely immobilized. Now I could concentrate.
This was good. My hands were not on her and could not hurt her. I carefully wrapped my lips around my teeth and kissed first her mouth, then her chin, and down the curve of her throat. I continued my ministrations down the silky skin of her sternum until I was impeded by the thin satin fabric of her navy blue pajamas.
I looked up at her face to gauge her reaction. Her eyes were hooded, her cheeks and chest were flushed scarlet, and she was biting her lip in a way that made a growl rumble out of my chest.
I fingered the neckline of her pajama top and tapped on her top button.
"Is this alright?" I studied her face for any sign of objection.
"Yesss," she hissed her assent.
I chuckled, "My my, aren't we eager?" She moaned again.
Using one hand, while still supporting myself with the other, I unfastened her top button; If I'd been human, my fingers would have been shaking. I tenderly kissed every inch of the newly exposed skin. Her breathing was labored now, and I could feel her body tense underneath mine.
Bella's legs wrapped around my waist trying to bring herself closer to me. I could feel the heat of her body pressed so intimately against mine, with nothing between us except a few thin layers of fabric. It was almost more than I could bear. I took a few more deep breaths, letting the fire rip through my throat to help recenter my focus.
"Bella" I warned, returning my eyes to her face, "keep still!"
Her legs detached from my waist and returned to their formerly prone position on the bed.
"Good girl." I very carefully nipped at her neck that elicited a breathy squeak that went straight to my groin. I groaned into the crook of her neck, and my frigid breath drew goose bumps across her skin. I remembered another time when I wondered where else Bella might get goose bumps, and I returned my attention to her buttons.
I worked on the next button slowly, even for a human's senses, so that Bella would have time to stop me if she was uncomfortable. She did not object. If anything, she seemed impatient. Her head was thrown back, the tendons of her long, graceful neck pulled taut. Her breath was coming in pants and her eyes were screwed shut. She was glorious.
The next button fell open, and I groaned at the realization that Bella wasn't wearing a bra. I kissed the soft skin at the apex of her breasts, and strayed from the center just a bit kissing the soft flesh where her breast just barely swelled from her chest. Her pajama top still kept her mostly covered up, but the next button wouldn't, so I went down to the bottom button and opened that one instead.
Her taut muscles tightened as I blew a stream of cool air along the flat plane of her belly. I memorized every new patch of skin that was revealed to me, and marveled at her body's reactions to mine. I was elated to find that I could please her this way while still keeping her safe. And I hadn't even removed her clothing yet!
I repositioned myself so that I was straddling Bella's thighs. I warned her with my eyes to remain still, so she fisted her small hands in the sheets.
I placed my hands underneath her pajama top on either side of her waist. Ever so slowly, I slid my hands along the bare skin of her sides, exploring the curve of her waist, each ridge and valley of her ribcage, and finally around her bust, where my thumbs just barely grazed the sides of her breasts. Bella's gasp was so sharp, I was on the other side of the room before she could even finish making the sound.
"Bella! Are you alright?" Terror coursed through me when she didn't immediately move. I ran to her side. Her eyes were huge and staring at the ceiling, and her chest was heaving with her ragged breathing.
"Holy crow! Why did you stop?" She was smiling now. She was radiant.
"Because you nearly gave me a heart attack! What am I going to do with you?" I groaned in exasperation.
"I can think of a thing or two," she said, looking like the cat that ate the canary.
A/N: Thanks all for hanging in there with this story! If you haven't listened to the audiobook for Midnight Sun, you are missing OUT! Edward is voiced by Jake Abel, who I could listen to all day. As I've been writing Edward's POV, I've been reading it in my head using his voice and his cadence. Highly recommend!
I'm soooo happy we've been given another Edward voice to imagine other than Robert Pattinson's! Uggh, don't get me started on those darn movies! Lol. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing! I'll back with a new update soon!