A/N *runs and hides*

*BPOV*

"Thanks again for doing this, Bells. Means a lot to your old man," Charlie said, leaning against the kitchen counter next to where I was trimming the fat off of a raw slab of chuck roast.

"Happy to help, Dad. I really like Sue!" I said sincerely, not looking up from what I was doing. Charlie appraised me for a moment.

"For someone so clumsy, you're pretty good with a butcher's knife. Where'd you learn how to do that, anyway?" he remarked.

I smirked, remembering the story. "When I was 13 or 14, I took an interest in cooking, mostly because I was sick of frozen fish sticks and mac and cheese," I grinned. "And after I nearly took a finger off when I was trying to butterfly a chicken breast, mom signed me up for a knife skills class at the culinary school in Phoenix. I thought it was lame at the time, but I learned a lot, and I'm glad I went."

As I carefully dropped the roast into the sizzling hot cast iron pan on the stove, I accidentally bumped the cutting board with my hip sending the knife spinning off the counter.

Charlie reflexively went to catch the knife, but I pushed his hand away letting the knife clatter to the linoleum floor.

"Falling blades have no handles," I repeated the wisdom that had prevented countless trips to the ER.

Charlie's eyes widened and he swallowed loudly. "That class was worth every penny!"

I nodded in an exaggerated motion.

"Sooo, tell me what you like about Sue," I said in a teasing sing-song voice. "I don't have to threaten her with bodily harm not to break your heart, do I?" I grinned at him with an eyebrow raised.

Charlie harrumphed, uncomfortable on this side of the questions.

"Is this revenge for embarrassing you in front of Edward?" he grumbled.

I flipped the roast over and reseasoned it, satisfied with the deep golden brown sear I had achieved.

"Oh, absolutely!" I agreed.

Charlie was silent for a long moment; he stared at some interesting spot on the floor with a contemplative expression.

"I'm hardly one to wax poetic about a woman, but Sue is just so different from anyone I've ever met. She's not interested in material things. She has a quietness about her that just feels good to be around. And she even likes to fish!" Charlie looked at me then, pink-cheeked and smiling.

"She sounds like a keeper," I smiled back, then bumped him playfully with my hip. Charlie bumped me back a bit harder.

"I'm sure going to miss you when you're off at school in the fall, Bells," Charlie said with such fondness that I felt a lump swelling in my throat. Sterner now, with a furrowed brow, "You better not forget to pick up the phone and call me once in a while!"

"Promise, Dad," I reassured with a tight-lipped smile.

*EPOV*

"I want you to spend more time doing the things you love, the things that make you Bella," I mocked my own baritone voice, rolling my eyes.

"Way to create your own misery, Cullen," I muttered to myself. My Steinway thundered with the furiously-paced 3rd Movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, the crashing notes echoing my own frustration and discontent.

"There's the miserable, brooding Edward that we all know and love!" Emmett's booming, jovial voice competed with the hammering chords as he sauntered down the stairs.

"Though muttering to yourself is a new low. You okay, bro?" His enormous hand clapped down on my shoulder. My hands froze on the keys.

"What do you do with yourself when Rose kicks you out of the house, Em?"

"Woman trouble, huh? I didn't think Bella had it in her," Emmett chuckled.

"No, it's nothing like that, Emmett," I corrected impatiently. "She has dinner plans tonight with Charlie and Sue Clearwater, the wolfpack den mother, because I asked Bella to spend more time on human pursuits," I explained.

"Why?" Emmett asked with a bewildered expression.

I sighed heavily. "Because she'll regret the time she doesn't spend with them afterward…"

Emmett considered that for a moment.

"I think getting mauled by a bear and being changed without my knowledge might've been easier than all this planning," Emmett's mouth curled into a wry smirk.

I fixed him with a hard stare.

"Lighten up, Edward. Soon enough, you'll never have to let her out of your sight ever again," Emmett placated. "Unless she's like Rose, and kicks you out of the house," he added with an unapologetic laugh.

I smiled at the thought of that, of getting to love Bella for eternity. Of getting to argue and make up and make love with her without the constant anxiety of losing her somehow.

"There, now. See? I think you just found what the humans call your 'happy place," Emmett smiled widely.

"Thanks, Em," I said genuinely.

"No problem. Now, enough with the boring classical music, piano man. How about something from the last century?"

On cue, I launched into Billy Joel's Piano Man, which was admittedly somewhat lacking without a harmonica.

"Now you're talkin'!" Emmett bellowed enthusiastically. He started to sing along in his deep bass.

Sing us a song you're the piano man

Sing us a song tonight

Well we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feeling alright

Just then, Esme was lured out of the office by our boisterous jam session. Her thoughts registered the iconic song and my playful, easy smile. She was rapturous as she danced over to join us at the piano, harmonizing in her soothing alto voice. Emmett whooped and whistled at her in encouragement.

"Oh Edward, that was wonderful!" Esme beamed at me, as the final chord reverberated through the room.

"I think it's settled. We should audition for America's Got Talent. Edward can be the 'mentalist pianist' who plays whatever song the judges are thinking of, and then Esme and I can bring it home with the vocals," Emmett extended his fist for Esme to bump with her own. Her petite hand looked almost childlike juxtaposed with his cartoonishly large fist.

"It's a great idea in theory, but suffering through Howie Mandel's comedy bits wouldn't be worth it for a measly million dollars split three ways." I joked.

"Well you wouldn't be Edward if you weren't raining on somebody's parade," Emmett ribbed.

Without missing a beat, I played a verse to Barbra Streisand's "Don't Rain on My Parade."

"Streisand, really? Could you be any more of a loser?"

I grinned. He was making it too easy. I plunked out the chorus to Beck's "Loser."

"I can do this all day," I laughed, swaying my whole body to the music in my best Ray Charles imitation.

"Well, I can't. Unlike you, I got a date! Ya know, the real kind, where clothes come off," Emmett snickered, flipping me the bird while departing for his "dinner date" with Rosalie.

For Emmett and Rosalie, that meant going for a hunt deep in the woods and then ravaging each other in the wilderness where they didn't have to worry about leveling any more of Esme's architectural masterpieces. Esme was particularly fond of the Forks property.

Esme rolled her eyes good-naturedly at our boyish squabbling. Emmett only flipped me off on the days ending in "y," but it was always in jest. In fact, the day he didn't make rude gestures at me is the day I'd worry that he was truly put out with me.

That was the nature of our relationship, two vampire brothers frozen in time and temperament at the ages of 17 & 20. It was a wonder that Esme got any peace at all in this house.

"Well if you two are quite finished," Esme interrupted before I could deliver my next quip, "I have wedding preparations to see to. Edward, Alice wanted me to tell you not to wander off. She wants you to try on your tux when she and Rose get back from the bridal store."

"But she already knows how it will look," I protested with an incredulous laugh. I held up my hands in surrender when Esme pursed her lips in frustration-which was essentially a death glare coming from her.

"While a televised talent contest is almost certainly against the Volturi's rules," Esme's eyes sparkled with her amusement, "I wouldn't say no to a Cullen family karaoke night," Esme winked at me and gave the lid of my piano a light tap before turning to head back to the office.

My chest rumbled with laughter, "Bella would just love that," I said wryly to Esme's retreating form. She tittered her way up the stairs. I laughed once again to myself imagining Bella's horrified face upon Alice shoving a microphone in her hand.

I wondered how my Bella was doing. Alice hadn't warned me of any discrepancies with her future, so I could only assume that Sue's wolf pups had decided to stay home, which wasn't entirely surprising given Leah Clearwater's antagonistic feelings toward Bella.

Interestingly, I found that I didn't worry so much about the idea of Bella's future disappearing when it was with the young, pure Seth Clearwater, even if he was an immature werewolf. Jacob Black, on the other hand, was a wholly different situation. Feelings of irrational jealousy rankled through me.

I shook off the intrusive thoughts. Bella chose me. I smiled, remembering the way she held up her wrist, showing off her bracelet, declaring herself to me. It had been previously occupied on either side by the tokens of Jacob's and my respective affections. Now-unopposed by the counterweight of the wolf- the cold, hard, sparkling heart dangled victoriously right up against the pulse point of her delicate wrist.

Brusquely, I stood up from the piano bench, and with a sharp crack, my hands closed the fallboard over the keys. Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. Satisfied that she wouldn't be serving dinner for a couple more hours yet, I started typing out a message.

*BPOV*

"Hey Dad," I called, bent over and half-swallowed by the fridge. "Is Sue going to want anything to drink besides beer and milk? That's all we have."

I straightened up and closed the refrigerator door. From the living room, I could hear the springs of his recliner groan in protest as he heaved himself out of the chair. The swinging door to the kitchen creaked open, and Charlie popped his head in.

"I'll go pop over to the store to pick up a bottle of wine. And if it's alright with you, I'm going to take your truck so that I can get the oil changed. Need anything else while I'm out, kiddo?" Charlie asked.

Charlie was not overly affectionate in how he parented me, but it was hard to miss all the other ways he loved me out loud. I took a glance around the kitchen and went over the menu in my head, mentally ticking off all the ingredients I'd need.

I shook my head, "I think I'm good here, and thanks, Dad. That's really sweet of you. The truck is overdue," I bit my lip regretfully.

"Back in an hour," he said, and the kitchen door swung closed. I heard my keys jingle as he grabbed them off the rack in the hallway, then the front door clicked shut behind him.

I was just finishing wiping down the counter when my phone vibrated in my back pocket.

Thinking of you, can't wait to see you tonight. XO -E

I smiled and typed back a response.

Can't wait to see you, too! If I told you every time I was thinking of you, I'd never have time to do anything else. ;)

The "read" receipt appeared instantly, and three dots flashed indicating that he was writing something back.

Are you alone?

The three small words sent a thrill through me.

For a bit. I answered back.

Then he was calling me. I answered on the first ring.

"Hello, Bella," his velvety voice sounded even more seductive than usual like he was trying to dazzle me over the phone.

"H-hi," I stuttered back with a suddenly nervous flutter in my belly.

"Is this a bad time?" There was a hint of teasing in his tone.

"It's never a bad time for you," my voice came out sounding stronger now. "But I'm curious...to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh my Bella, if I have anything to say about it, you'll only ever have me to thank for your pleasure."

Holy crow! Edward, my Edward, was talking dirty to me. My phone slipped from my hand and bounced twice on the linoleum before landing face down. I muttered a curse and dove for the phone, fumbling with it.

When I finally returned the phone to my ear, I could hear him chuckling in that sexy, somewhat patronizing way of his whenever I had a stroke of clumsiness.

"Are you alright? I can practically hear your heart hammering through the phone," he chuckled.

And I could practically see his smug smile. He didn't sound the least bit concerned. I took two deep, steadying breaths.

"Right as rain," I tried to sound as blasé as possible. Two could play at this game. "You just caught me about to jump in the shower. I'm going to put you on speakerphone while I get undressed," I challenged.

A sharp inhale followed by a long beat of silence. "Do it slowly. Describe it to me."

'Holy shit, we're really doing this! Well alright then,' my inner thoughts rejoiced. I quickly scampered up to my bedroom and closed the door harder than I meant to. Nobody was home to hear my conversation, but the conversation felt too intimate to have outside my bedroom.

"Bella? Are you still there?" Edward sounded a bit anxious now.

"Yes! Yes, I'm here. Just struggling with the knot on my apron, but I've got it now," I bit back a growl as I was unable to blindly detangle the knot of apron strings behind my back, so I yanked it off over my head and threw it at the corner of the room.

"Now I'm peeling off my tank top-"

He interrupted me with a low groan. "Bella, can you go stand in front of a mirror?"

I puzzled at his request for a moment but did as he asked. "Ok, in front of a mirror," I confirmed, staring at my reflection in the mirror mounted above my dresser.

"Tell me what you see? Do you see how exquisite you are?" Edward's voice was more urgent now.

I let my eyes blur at the figure in the mirror, perhaps dissociating a little bit so that I could talk about the girl in the mirror without feeling the shame or embarrassment that should've accompanied such a task. I knew he would want me to be descriptive. Wasn't that the point?

"My hair is down, falling in waves below my shoulders. The contrast of my dark hair against my bare skin makes me look even fairer." He hummed deeply in response, encouraging me.

My eyes drifted further south. "I'm wearing a lacy white bralette that cuts down in a deep "v" and has a lacy trim that wraps around my ribcage for about 2 inches below the underwire. My collarbones are pronounced, and my skin has a bit of a shimmer from the body wash I use. Like opals.

"My stomach is taut and flat, and quivering a little bit, if I'm being honest," my voice had the same nervous wobble. There's a little silver scar over my right hip from when I had my appendix out in middle school."

"Trace your fingers over that scar. Pretend they're my fingers, Bella, because that's what I'd be doing if I was there. And kissing it, too," the huskiness in Edward's voice made every nerve ending in my body stand at attention.

"Oh my God, Edward, don't stop," I keened. His words were having an undeniable effect on me.

Edward's satisfied chuckle ghosted in my ears. "The brain is the biggest and most important sex organ, did you know that Bella?"

"I believe I've read that somewhere," I agreed coolly.

"Where should I touch you next, Bella?" His silken voice caressed the words.

"Everywhere!" It was almost a shout. He laughed again.

"I would want to know what your panties look like before I slowly slide them down your long, slender legs, kissing every smooth inch of your creamy skin, on my way down to your cute little toes."

I sucked in a breath. I was painfully turned on. My nipples were sensitive and swollen, straining against their cotton confines. The heat of my core was blooming outward in an ever-growing radius that felt like it would consume me if not somehow extinguished. Pretty soon, I would be begging him once again to put out the fire, but this time, I imagined his mouth somewhere other than on my hand.

"Boyshorts," I gasped, struggling to make complete sentences now. "Matching, white lacy boyshorts that ride up in the back revealing the bottoms of my cheeks, and the creases where my legs meet my body. There's a tiny pink satin bow just below my belly button.

Edward groaned. It was a delicious sound. "Those are very naughty panties, Bella. I think you need to take them off right now, and I'm going to confiscate them when I see you later tonight," he ordered.

Authoritative Edward sent a powerful jolt of desire straight to my heat.

"If you think that's necessary," I breathed, shimmying out of the panties. I folded them neatly and placed them on the window jam. Let that be the first thing he smells when he climbs through my window.

"Oh, I very much do," Edward agreed emphatically.

Something occurred to me. "This hardly seems fair that I'm naked as a jaybird, and you have all your clothes on," I bit my lip, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed.

"Silly Bella," he crooned. "What makes you think I'm wearing anything at all?"

My jaw unhinged at that revelation.

"Is that so?" I gulped. "Boy, would I love to see that! Mostly because, you're, well, the most gorgeous person that's ever walked this earth," I rambled. "But also because...um, well, how does that work exactly, when your skin is already so hard? Do you just have a raging hard-on all the time?" Oh. My. God. I cringed. But I couldn't stop the verbal diarrhea from pouring out.

Edward erupted in laughter, and I could feel the blood racing to my cheeks.

"Sorry, Bella. I'm not laughing at you," he attempted to reign himself in.

"That's a fair question, and I expect you'll have lots of questions. But no, I don't always have a raging hard-on. Or, at least, I didn't before I met you," he qualified, chuckling a few more times.

"Though, I think it might be easier to show you than to explain," he added gently.

My eyes widened at his explanation. I couldn't really imagine it, but the idea of seeing Edward's most intimate parts made my blood bubble beneath my skin.

"I can't wait to see all of you, Edward," I whispered shyly. "It's hard to imagine you being even more beautiful without your clothes on, but I already know that's true."

Edward sighed on the other end. It didn't sound like an unhappy sound, but I couldn't quite place the emotion behind it.

"You have no idea, Bella, how much it torments me. I want you, oh, how I want you. Mind, body, and soul, more than I can possibly describe with mere words. The idea of you bare and waiting for me makes me so hard that it's difficult to control myself, and I can never afford to lose control with you.

"The thought of making love to you while you're still human, still so warm and breakable is terrifying and exhilarating, and unthinkable, and..sometimes it's all I can think about," he admitted. "It's impossible to reconcile how much I want every part of you with how much it would destroy me to hurt you," he finished anxiously.

I didn't have to see him to know instinctively that he was pacing and tugging at his hair.

"Edward, there was a time when you thought you couldn't be in the same room as me without killing me. And you certainly never believed yourself capable of tasting my blood without killing me, and you did that, too. Your self-control rivals even Carlisle's. I wish you would give yourself more credit for that.

"But this conversation has gotten off track," I added quickly before he could argue with me. "I'm naked. You're naked. And there's no way you can hurt me now, so let's focus on that. It's more fun," I teased.

"Yes, ma'am" he agreed, his tone lighter now. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Where were we?" I tried to make my voice sound seductive.

"You just agreed to give me those very indecent panties," Edward recollected, "And I was...struggling to tell you in a gentlemanly way how much you are driving me absolutely crazy with lust right now!"

"You better not be worried about offending me!" I demanded. "I know you're old school, Edward, but you talking dirty to me...it makes me wet," I said the word with as much boldness as I possessed. "I guess you'll just have to see for yourself when you come to claim these panties," I added with a smirk. Edward growled, and I thrilled at the sound. I needed to hear him make that sound again.

"Where would you touch me now, Edward?" I touched my own breasts, wanting to feel his hands on my body, but settling for my own.

"Get on your bed, Bella. Lay down and spread your legs. I would want to see all of you," he directed.

"Mhm," I acquiesced. "Now what?"

"Touch yourself, Bella, and imagine they are my hands, and lips, and tongue. You can't possibly imagine all the things I want to do to you, all the ways I've imagined making you scream my name," Edward's voice was strained.

I gasped, not having the words nor the ability to form them.

"Edward, please!" I begged, for what I wasn't sure. My hands cupped the undersides of my breasts, my thumbs running over their stiff peaks.

"I want to kiss and touch and lick and tickle every angle and curve and crease. I want to know all your secret spots. I can't wait to know your body as well as I'm getting to know your mind, Bella. I have a feeling you'll never stop surprising me in that regard, either," Edward mused with complete adulation.

The fingertips of my right hand drifted down my torso, circling my navel, to rest upon my clean-shaven mound. The heel of my hand put delicious pressure on my pubic bone. A satisfied groan escaped my lips.

"What are my hands doing, Bella?"

I sighed contentedly. "Your left hand is pinching my nipple, and your right hand is pressing down on my pussy waiting for further instructions," I giggled.

There was that growl again.

"Such dirty words out of your sweet mouth. God, that's so hot, love. I'm not going to last if you keep talking like that."

"Are you...touching yourself, too?" I asked, suddenly timid.

"You overestimate my self-control if you think I could imagine you as you are, with that sexy little mouth of yours moaning in my ear and not do anything about it," he laughed once; there was a hard edge to it.

"What are my hands doing?" I asked him, dipping my fingers into my wet heat.

"Stroking me to the very edge of my sanity," Edward replied in a labored voice.

"Mmm, that's so good," I hummed my pleasure at my fingers circling the bundle of nerves there.

"That's it, Bella. Keep rubbing that sweet pussy. You know I would make it so good for you. I can't wait for you, Bella. I want you so much. I want to hear you cum. Are you close?"

"Yess," I hissed. I pinched my nipple harder now, to the point of pain, as I feverishly chased my release. My hips undulated against the ministrations of my hand, and my breaths were coming in ragged pants until they weren't coming at all. For an endlessly long moment, my muscles seized up, my breath stalled in my throat until finally, my climax consumed me.

"Edward!" I screamed as the waves of pleasure crashed over me again and again making my back arch and my toes curl.

Just then, I heard Edward call my name, and then he groaned out his own release. It was a gloriously visceral sound that sent chills up and down my spine. And then I started to come down from the high, feeling euphoric and boneless, with a lazy smile plastered on my face.

"We have got to talk on the phone more," I giggled. The sound was drunken with pleasure.

He laughed at that, and the sound was so relaxed and carefree that it almost sounded like it came from someone else.

"Oh my Bella, thank you for that. I never could have imagined that just hearing your voice would be my undoing. I am overcome."

"Neither could I! It's never anything like that when it's just me. That was like a religious experience," I exhaled loudly. I could scarcely begin to think about how much more intense it would be when it really was his hands on my skin.

Just then, I heard my truck rumbling down the street toward the house.

"Charlie will be home in a minute. I really do need to jump in the shower now," I sighed regretfully, not wanting the moment to end.

"That makes two of us," he snorted with humor. "Have a pleasant dinner, love. Because you are in so much trouble when I get there later tonight," he chuckled darkly.

"I wouldn't expect anything less. I've been told I'm a magnet for trouble," I countered with a dramatic flair that I rarely possessed. I punched the red "end call' button and streaked down the hall to the bathroom.

A/N-Eek! I did it! I wrote something vaguely smutty, and I don't hate how it turned out! Thanks for your patience with this installment. I have the WORST time writing fluff, and I kept getting stuck. I really hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to hearing what you think. As always, thanks for reading!