Don't worry, soccer haters! The following chapters will also explore a lot of other themes, and I'll try to publish at least three times a week. Stay tuned ;)

The author

That afternoon, I came into the football pitch pushing a movable blackboard: "Why have you that board, coach?"

"Because today we're also going to talk about tactics" I answered "Sit down in front of me, I'll be short..."

The team obeyed and I took a chalk, starting writing on the blackboard: "Our new line-up will include three defenders, two midfielders and a striker, and I also thought about your new positions, do you follow me?"

"Yes, coach" confirmed the whole team

"Fine" I said, before explaining "The central defender must be like our rock, and I think Cartman could be our man..."

"No way" refused Cartman "I want to score!"

"Here it doesn't matter what you want to do, but what it's most useful for the team" I declared

"But..." he started

"Let me finish" I said "You're not incredibly movable, so the other two defenders must be fast and ready to help you facing our opponents, and these people could be Token and Tweek, if he calms down..."

"Aaah" was Tweek's answer

"Why me?" asked Token "I'd also like to score!"

"Token, you're black, so you're surely the fastest man here" declared Cartman

"This is just a racist stereotype!" rebelled Token

"Don't worry, Token: I know that you're good, so you could also play as a midfielder" I reassured him "Talking about this role, we'll need a skilled one, that will score and serve our striker, and a more powerful one that will help the defense: the first one could be impersoned by Kyle, or also Token, while the second one by Clyde or Craig, that played a good match last Saturday..."

The people that I nominated smiled: "I like this role!" exclaimed Kyle

"Yeah, me too" approved Clyde, while Craig nodded in approval

"Perfect" I said "Our main striker will be Stan, whose great shot will destroy the opponent goalkeepers!"

Also Stan looked happy: "Thank you, coach!"

Bradley raised his hand: "Excuse me, coach: you've not said my name, and either Butters'"

"With you two I'm going to do a different work" I explained "You have to improve your skills before playing, then you'll be able to play everywhere..."

I gave Butters and Bradley a ball and took them in front of a wall: "Now kick it and hit the wall without losing ball control: start with weak shots, than increase the power when you're more confident, ok?"

"Ok, coach!" they exclaimed, while I returned to the others

I guided them to a path with cones and obstacles: "We're gonna work on the conduction for the whole training, until you'll be able to conduct the ball properly" I explained "Your goal is avoiding the obstacles"

In the first phase I saw a lot of obstacles falling: "Guys, every time you make a step, you touch the ball: one step, one touch. Come on!"

The players welcomed my advices: as I predicted, Stan, Kyle and Token were the first to do the excercise as I wanted, but then I didn't see a single piece of material dropped for at least twenty minutes: "Nice guys, very nice!" I complimented "Now faster, and try to keep your head high while doing that"

While training, I also looked at Pip and Butters: sometimes they were still losing the ball's control, but that happened a few times and they seemed more and more confident.

When I saw that the conduction skill had been achieved by the whole team I whistled: "Ok, now we're learning the defensive movements..."

Kenny went into the goal, Cartman, Tweek and Token formed the defensive line, while the attacking one was formed by Kyle, Stan and me: "Every member of the team must be able to help his teammates if they are overcome by an opponent: so when we'll be attacked from the left or the right, Cartman will be behind Tweek or Token and will stop the opponent, ok?" I explained "Let's try!"

Kyle attacked from the left, overcoming Tweek: Cartman managed to stop him, but he used his hands, pushing him away: "You did it on purpose, fat ass!" shouted Kyle

"Obviously, you freakin' Jew" smirked Cartman

"If you do that we'll get a penalty against us, so try not to use your hands" I reproached him "Try again!"

In the following attack, led by Stan, Cartman did a nice tackle, that made our striker fall: "Foul!" exclaimed Stan

"No, Stan, it was perfect" I said "Good job, Cartman!"

"Thank you, coach!" he exclaimed, smiling

We explored all the possibile situations, also including the midfielders, and then I whistled three times: "Great training, guys!" I complimented "And this time I'm serious"

Everybody laughed, and I concluded: "Continue working on the conduction also tomorrow, and see you on Wednesday!"

While the others were going to the locker room, I gave a look at the wall: Bradley and Butters were still there, kicking their balls: "Guys, the session is over!" I informed

"I know, but I think I'm not perfect yet" declared Butters

I smiled: "You can continue your practice at home, now we have to go"

They stopped training and handed the balls in: "Goodbye, coach!"

"Bye, guys"

The Saturday speech had been intended seriously...

Before Wednesday training, I entered the pitch with the ten players and I found a big surprise on the stands: Jessie.

When I saw her, I kept frozen for some instants, and was waken up by Stan's voice: "So is she the girl you were talking about?"

"No, I don't think so" mumbled Kenny "Her boobs are not so big as I imagined..."

"You're delicate as a shovelful in the mouth..." commented Kyle

"Ok guys, enough" I stopped them "Just go stretching, I'm coming in a minute..."

"Ok, coach" accepted Clyde "But let me say that you've good taste"

"I know" I declared with a sly smile, making the others laugh before they reached the center of the pitch.

Jessie approached to the load guard that separated the stands from the pitch: "Hey, what a wonderful surprise!" I exclaimed "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to see if my advices bore fruit" she smiled "Was the first training good?"

"Yeah, they have worked pretty well, but I think this will be even better" I affirmed "Keep your eyes on the pitch!"

"I will" she promised and I reached the center of the pitch, knowing that if she had looked on the pitch, she would have surely given a look at me, too...

I whistled: "Come here, guys"

The team arrived: "Today we're training your stop and pass, while Butters and Bradley will practice their conduction, because they didn't do that on Monday" I explained "Right?"

"Yes, coach" answered the team

"We don't want you to make a fool of you in front of your girlfriend..." added Craig

"Craig, you're the main candidate to run around the field for the whole session" I joked, and the group burst into laughs "Now let's begin!"

While Bradley and Butters reached the same path that I had prepared on Monday, the others took place into eight little squares, that formed two lines of four: "You simply start passing the ball to the player that is in front of you, trying to center his square" I explained "Go!"

The first passes I saw were authentic bombs, so I immediately stopped the excercise with a whistle: "Guys, less power!" I suggested "You should hit the ball with the internal part of your foot, so you can better direct it where you want, ok?"

"Yes, coach!"

After they started to follow my instructions and their passes were correctly executed, I could start with the following step: "Now, let's talk about the oriented stop" I said "Try to stop the ball only with your right foot and with your body oriented (and I pointed out this word) in that direction"

The team did that passage surprisingly good, so I could tell them to increase their speed and then making them change foot in a shorter time than I thought: meanwhile, I also controlled Bradley and Butters, and when they had achieved the conductive skill, I added them to the group.

When the excercise was finished, we started to practice attacking strategies: "Kenny, go into the goal, I need Stan and Cartman, please" I demanded

The two boys approached to me: "Cartman, stand behind Stan"

Cartman obeyed and provoked Stan: "Don't be excited..."

Kenny laughed and Stan muttered: "Egocentric fat ass..."

I ignored them and started to explain: "Stan, as a striker you don't have only to score, but also to help the others do that: now, Kyle on the right wing and Craig on the left, while Clyde in the center with a ball"

Everybody took his position: "Clyde, pass the ball to Stan: he'll attack the ball, pressed by Cartman, and will try to serve Kyle or Craig, ok?"

"Ok, coach!"

"Go, and the others with me"

I put Tweek as a defender, Butters and Token as midfielders and Bradley as striker: "The action starts with Tweek, that passes the ball to Butters or Token" I explained "Than they serve Bradley, that attacks it like Stan did before and returns it back to the midfielder, running into the penalty area: then Butters or Token cross the ball and the striker tries to score, everything clear?"

"Yes, coach!" everybody answered, starting to do the excercise

The first attempts were quite good, but too slow: "Speed up, guys, speed up!" I encouraged "I wanna see more and faster goals!"

The team obeyed and I started to see the first fruits of my work: Bradley and Butters weren't two Maradonas, but they failed just a few passes; Cartman didn't use his hands anymore; Tweek was more calm on the pitch and, in general, I saw a great involvement of all the group.

I switched the two groups at the half of our time, and then I ended the training: "You were really great, guys!"

"Yeah, your girlfriend will be proud of you!" affirmed Token

"She's not my girlfriend" I said, becoming a little red on my face "See you on Friday!"

Chuckling, the players went out of the pitch, and Jessie approached again to me: "How did you find the training?" I asked her

"Well, they follow you and do the excercises properly" answered Jessie "So I think you're doing a good job"

"Thank you" I smiled "I had some useful suggestions..."

She smiled, too: "See you tomorrow at school, G"

"Bye, Jessie!" I answered, going into my locker room

Friday, last training of the week.

That afternoon, Jessie was absent because she was visiting a friend, but when we entered the pitch Cartman didn't fail to point it out to me: "Today your Juliet is not present..."

"So?" asked Kyle, defensive

"Nothing" smirked Cartman "I only wanted to say that"

"Save your breath for the training" I cut "Let's go!"

I had created five corridors, and each of them was occupied by two players, including Butters and Bradley, that have been definitely introduced into the normal group work: "The last step of our preliminary work is the shot" I explained "The perfect shot includes four parts: the run-up, that must be short; the kicking foot, that must be slightly bent, as you have to hit the center of the ball with the neck of your foot to have an ideal power and precision: are you following me?"

Everybody nodded, so I continued: "Fine, the next part is the support foot, that must be used like a viewfinder, because the ball will follow the direction of the tip of the other foot; lastly, your trunk: if it's bent backwards the ball will go higher, if it's bent forward the ball will roll on the pitch, everything clear?"

"Yes, coach!" exclaimed the whole group, starting with their work.

They had practiced on Wednesday, so they reached quickly the goal, and we could pass to the following part of the training: free kicks and penalties: "Kenny, into the goal" I told him "Your friends are gonna bomb you"

The group smiled, and I said: "I'll leave you free here, but remember: a medium-height and central penalty is dangerous as a high one..."

My players started to shoot and I could observe their tactics: Stan's set pieces were really powerful, like Clyde's and Cartman's, while the others looked for precision using the internal part of their foot, with Kyle and Token that reached the best results.

The training went on with a revision of the previous tactics, and then I whistled for the last time and mustered the whole team: "Firstly, I want you to give yourself a round of applause"

The kids smiled and started to clap their hands: "I know that tomorrow morning the match will be difficult, but I'm sure that we'll kill it!" I concluded, greeting my players.

The following was the day of the truth...

"Hey, are you awake?"

I opened my eyes: "Kyle, please: go back to sleep, the alarm has not rang yet..."

"But is gonna ring in a minute" insisted Kyle "Let's have breakfast!"

He was pretty excited, so I surrended: "Ok, I'm coming: I hope that all of this energy will be put on the pitch..."

An hour later, we were in front of the school and were waiting for the others: "How do you feel?" asked Kyle

"Good" I affirmed "A little bit nervous but good"

One by one the kids arrived, we reached our locker room and I could deliver the new game kit to my players: it was totally white, with a black stripe that started from the armpit and continued till the end of the shorts and the black word "Cows" on the center: "Oh boy, It's beautiful" smiled Butters

"I know, but we have to honor it on the pitch" I reminded "We start with Kenny into the goal, Tweek, Cartman and Token as defenders, Kyle and Clyde as midfielders and Stan as striker: remember what we did during this week, go cows!"

"Go, cows!" shouted the kids, making the walls tremble

Yes, we were ready to play!

The ref whistled: South Park-Colorado Springs, week one of the School Championship, had started!

The opponents tried to reach our goal, but Clyde stole immediately the ball and launched it ahead: Stan reached it and shot, but the goalkeeper sent it to corner: "Nice, Stan!" I applauded "The next will be a goal"

Kyle beat the corner, and the ball finished on Cartman's head: the goalkeeper tried to reach it, but didn't achieved his goal: 1-0!

I started jumping on the bench, and the substitutes hugged themselves: it was our first championship goal!

Colorado Springs reacted, but the defensive strategy that we practiced on Monday worked pretty well, and Kenny didn't run any danger.

After a ball recovered by Tweek, Stan attacked it and served Clyde, whose shot hit the target: 2-0!

The third goal arrived just before the end of the first half, when Kyle was toddled a bit out of the penalty area and transformed the consequent free kick with a precise shot that hit the crossbar and entered: 3-0 and halftime.

I substituted the most tired three: Tweek and Clyde with Craig and Butters and Bradley with Cartman, moving Kyle to the defense.

In the second half Stan finally managed to score, and for two times: the first one with a powerful penalty, while the second one with a nice chip after a precise forward pass made by Craig.

But the goal that satisfied me the most was the last one, the sixth: a short rejection from the defense was caught by Stan, that tried to score his hattrick.

The goalkeeper stopped his shot, but the ball ended on Butters' foot, and the blonde kid pushed it into the goal: 6-0!

After the triple whistle the whole team, me included, was reunited in a general hug: we had won!

"You were perfect, guys" I shouted "Everybody, I'm so proud of you!"

We reached to the stands to salute the parents and I saw all of them clapping and shouting "Coach! Coach!": this was a great winning for me, and that was the same chorus that the team sang to me into the locker room: "Thank you, guys!" I laughed, soaked after the multiple water bombs that arrived to me from the showers "But this is just the beginning! Who's gonna win the championship?"

"Cows!" everybody exclaimed

"WHO?" I shouted again

"COOOOOWS!"

I think that last shout was as powerful as an atomic bomb, and gave me a fantastic confirmation: the team was united, and ready to fight until the end.

The continuation of my adventure would have been incredibly bright...