**EPOV**
My least favorite part of the day on the island was waiting for Bella to get ready for bed. I never thought I'd say this but, Christ alive, how I missed her shapeless, tatty old sweats!
Every night she would shower and dress for bed (if you could call it that.) And then I would have to sit there in our bed pretending to read while she pranced through the door in one salacious scrap of satin or lace after the next and somehow pretend to remain unaffected.
And if only it stopped at the lingerie! Bella was getting desperate. Today, she curiously slipped out the back door while I was on the phone arranging for the cleanup crew to come the following day. I quickly wrapped up the call and went to look for her.
I didn't have to follow her scent to find her sunbathing on the beach, stark naked. A feral snarl rumbled from my chest. Did she have some kind of a death wish?
Bella's eyes were closed. Her pale figure was accentuated by the contrasting darkness of the navy blue towel she was lying on. She must have sensed my presence as my shadow fell across her upturned face.
Bella opened her eyes and drew her hand to her face to block out the blinding sun.
She looked up at me, her doe eyes widening innocently, but the corner of her mouth curled into a knowing smirk. I glared at her.
"What? You wouldn't want me to get tan lines, would you?" Her voice was full of derision.
I said nothing, just growled through my clenched teeth.
She closed her eyes again and jutted her chin out. "Edward, if you don't like the view, you can go back inside."
It was going to be like that, was it? I dropped a bottle of sunscreen in the sand next to her towel, turned on my heel, and left her to her sun. Her disappointed sigh cut like a knife as I stalked off.
The creak of the bathroom door drew me from my abstraction. The door opened more slowly than usual. Behind it, her heart was thudding away. She must be nervous, I thought. I tightened my grip on the book that was open in my lap and kept my eyes on the page, willing my brain to make sense of the words.
Bella took two short steps into the room and cleared her throat as if I hadn't noticed her presence. As if I could ever not notice her.
I steeled myself for whatever fresh hell this was. I pretended to finish the paragraph I was on and then raised my gaze to meet hers.
In spite of myself, my eyes popped open at the sight of her. She looked like sex personified in the racy black chemise that left very little to the imagination.
The supple swell of her pale breasts was visible over the scalloped, heart-shaped neckline. Her hip jutted out to one side, showing off the feminine curve of her bare backside, just barely covered up by the ruffled lace skirt. In effect, making her smooth, shapely legs appear miles long.
She did a little twirl, showing off in 360-degrees all that I was missing out on. I made my face look as neutral as I was capable of.
"What do you think?" she asked, biting her lip.
"You look beautiful. You always do," I said automatically.
Maybe I had it right that first day in biology class. Maybe she was an evil temptress from my own personal hell, bent on destroying me. Because that's exactly what would happen when I lost control and tore that scrap of lace from her body and showed her what I really thought of it.
She climbed into bed next to me and I drew her into my arms. Furious with her as I was, I still couldn't stand to not be near her. Why was she doing this to me? Did she think it was fun for me to refuse her?
It seemed no matter what I did I was hurting her. If I caved, I could and probably would hurt her again. That was unfathomable to me. However, when I refused her, I could see the emotional toll it was taking on her to endure the spirit-crushing sting of rejection over and over again.
I hadn't turned a deaf ear to what she'd said in the cave. The very last thing I wanted to do was trigger memories of that black time, but what could I do? Keeping a distance obviously was making matters worse, but when I made efforts to be affectionate, it ultimately turned into another instance of rejection.
"I'll make a deal with you," she said, stifling a yawn.
My eyes clenched shut. "I will not make any deals with you." I don't negotiate with terrorists, I mentally added.
"You haven't even heard what I'm offering," she stubbornly pushed.
"It doesn't matter," I insisted.
"Dang it...and I really wanted...Oh well." She flexed.
My eyes narrowed. What a dangerous creature she was. This was it; the moment I'd always dreaded. I knew when she recognized and asserted her power over me, I'd be helpless to do anything about it. Emmett would call me "whipped," as if he were one to talk. I rolled my eyes.
Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi bellowed in my head, It's a trap!
But what if it wasn't? I waffled. What if there was something else I could be doing to make her happy? In that department, I was failing miserably in every other meaningful way.
"Alright. What is it you want?"
Her jaw clenched, not a good sign.
"Well, I was thinking...I know the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but…"
She started rambling about how one semester of college wouldn't kill her, and what a kick Charlie would get out of her college adventures.
"Eighteen...nineteen... It's really not such a big difference…"
Was I hearing this right?
"You would wait? You would stay human?" I asked, not bothering to hide the longing in my voice.
Time. She was tempting me with time, the one and only thing I was desperate for more of. Precious time, if only I would...risk every last minute I had left. She wanted me to barter her safety, jeopardize her life-and by extension mine, for more sex? Why?
The dam broke. "Why are you doing this to me?" I moaned. "Isn't it hard enough without all of this?" I bridled, grabbing a fistful of the lace that draped over her thigh. Her body tensed and her pupils dilated, a bodily response to fear. Cool it, Edward. You're scaring her. It took all the restraint I had, but I relaxed my hand on her thigh.
"It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."
Bella dug in her heels. "I want to go to college."
"No, you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you." Still reeling from having the future possibility of a college-aged and human Bella dangled in front of me, it was a reminder to myself as well as to her.
Then she went on to explain that college wasn't what she wanted as much as she wanted to stay human awhile longer. I closed my eyes and focused on her heartbeat to slow down my accelerated breathing. Why was she trying to convince me that she should stay human as if I were the obstacle to that goal?
"You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"
She blushed and looked suddenly sheepish when she told me she had a reason to be human that she didn't have before. I asked her to enlighten me.
"Guess," she purred, angling herself closer to me so she could kiss me. I kissed her back, unwilling to refuse her more than absolutely necessary. I pulled away, chuckling. And here I thought I was the addict in the relationship. Bella had had a small taste of oxytocin and she was hooked.
Pulling her closer to me, I teased, "You are so human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones."
She put up another argument about how she didn't want to wait for years of being a ravenous newborn for her sexuality to return to her, and then she yawned. Thank heaven.
"You're tired. Sleep, love." I began to hum her lullaby, hoping she'd succumb to sleep and spare me from having this same argument for the hundredth time.
Eventually, Bella did fall asleep, after startling me with the information that while she's been sleeping like the dead, she's been having nightmares about the Volturi. Though, when she was telling me about it, I got the sense that she was leaving something out.
I frowned at that. What could be happening in that beautiful brain of hers that she wouldn't want me to know about? I was left to ponder that as Bella drifted off to sleep in my arms.
When her heart settled into a slow and steady patter, I blew out a breath. Today was a challenge from start to finish. I could have done so many things better, I thought critically. Bella deserved better, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to stay upright on the tightrope I'd been walking.
I thought of her stunt on the beach today. Did she have the slightest concept of what it did to me to see her laid out bare and radiant in the sun? I wanted to devour her! The swell of Bella's breast, the curve of her hip, the hint of her soft mound at the juncture of her slightly parted thighs...What I wouldn't have given to just take her right there!
One thing was clear, if I kept refusing her, I was going to drive her to dangerous extremes. I was suddenly very grateful for the fact that she couldn't sneak up on me, and that I didn't need sleep.
I gazed down at her lovely face, peaceful as she slept, with the ghost of a smile on her lips. All of the sunshine from the past week had coaxed out a dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose, spilling adorably onto her cheeks. I wanted to kiss each one, but I settled for counting them. She always looked younger when she slept, but the freckles made her look almost childlike.
I sighed anxiously. I saw no way around the impasse we were currently stuck in. The bruises may have faded from her skin, but they were tattooed on the back of my eyelids. I saw them every time I closed my eyes.
Though she did it with the best of intentions, every time Bella attempted to hide the marks with her clothes or her hair, it sickened me, like she was some domestic violence victim hiding the evidence of her abuse.
I had been so confident when I told Carlisle that I simply wouldn't allow any more risky behavior. And if her anger was the only consequence, I could have lived with that. But every time I pulled away from her, I saw the hurt she tried so hard to hide. It was unbearable.
I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Please, please just be a little more patient," I pleaded in her ear, my voice too low to possibly wake her. "I can't bear to hurt you anymore than I already have. Please don't ask me to." I gently kissed her forehead.
9,420 beats of her heart later, Bella woke with a startled gasp. Another nightmare, I feared.
"Bella? I whispered. Her heart was thrumming in her chest that heaved with the labor of her breathing. Her eyes were open, but she didn't seem fully awake. I shook her gently. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"
Bella gasped again and then burst into tears. "Bella!" I called, frightened by the intensity of her sudden grief. "What's wrong?" I tried to wipe away her tears, but they wouldn't be stopped.
"It was only a dream," she sobbed. The abject misery in her voice tore at my silent heart. I rushed to soothe her, murmuring assurances in her ear as I rocked her. "It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here."
I asked her if she had another nightmare and assured her it wasn't real. Then, to my utter bewilderment, she sniffled that it hadn't been a bad dream, but a good one.
"Then why are you crying?" I asked with nervous-sounding laughter in my voice.
"Because I woke up!" Bella threw her arms around me and sobbed into my throat.
I didn't know what to make of that. Was my wife's reality here with me so horrible that waking up from her dreams had her in hysterics? Had I broken her that thoroughly? I patted her gently on the back trying to calm her.
"It was so real," she hiccuped. "I wanted it to be real." The longing in her voice was heartbreaking.
"Tell me about it," I encouraged, "Maybe that will help." What was it that she wanted so desperately? If there was anything in my power to help ease the pain in her voice, I would do it.
"We were on the beach…" She began, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out.
"And?" I urged.
"Oh, Edward…" Her voice cracked then, she started heaving with sobs. I couldn't remember a time when I felt more helpless than when she cried in my arms like that. I begged her to tell me.
And then she caught me completely off guard when she crushed her lips to mine. That's when it started to click what her dream must've been about.
I thought it would kill me to do it, but I carefully pushed Bella away, telling her no. I was intensely worried about what the rejection would do to her already fragile mental state.
And then her arms dropped from around me as if I had burned her, and her entire body sagged, quaking with a fresh round of sobs.
"I'm s-s-s-orry," she choked out. Her whimpered apology broke me down to my core.
I held her tightly to my chest. "I can't, Bella, I can't," I pleaded with her to understand, but my will was crumbling.
"Please, Edward?" Bella whispered, hot tears pooling at the tip of her nose and chin tumbled onto my chest with a wet splat.
Bella pleading with me was the end of my resolve. With a low groan, I pulled her face back to mine and gave in to my forbidden desires. Anything to make her pain stop.
Sensing my surrender, Bella kissed me back with renewed vigor, and climbed onto my lap, straddling me. She moaned when she felt my obvious reaction to her pressing against her naked backside. I peppered soft kisses down one tear-stained cheek, along the underside of her jaw, to the sensitive hollow behind her ear. I could taste the saltiness of her tears on her skin.
It wasn't long until her sniffles and hiccups turned into whimpers and sighs of another kind.
Perched on me the way she was, her breasts were perfectly at eye level, an opportunity I couldn't let pass. For the second time that night, I gripped a handful of her nightie, but this time, I ripped it clean off her body. She let out a little shriek of surprise that was cut off by a throaty moan when my mouth found her taut nipple.
My hands traveled down her body, memorizing her supple curves, and finding a soft place to land on the rounded, fleshy, cheeks of her bottom. I squeezed them appreciatively, drawing another moan from Bella.
Her hands were everywhere. Gripping tightly in my hair, holding onto my shoulders, and once she placed her hands on my face, jerking my chin up to look at her and kissing me with a passion-a need-I'd never felt from her before.
It took all my leftover concentration just to remember to be gentle.
Bella took the lobe of my ear between her teeth and I groaned in approval.
"You're wearing too many clothes," she whispered huskily into my ear. I tapped on her hips, meaning for her to raise up. With more room to move, I whipped my pajama pants and boxer briefs over my hips and down my legs in one smooth motion where they fell forgotten in a heap on the floor.
With Bella kneeling over me like that, I couldn't help but to scoot further down the mattress, wrap my arms around her thighs, and pull her down until her soft folds hovered just over my mouth.
It would be dangerous for her if she moved around too much that close to my teeth, so I tightened my grip, immobilizing her from the waist down, and eagerly set out to please her with my mouth.
The taste of her was even better than I remembered now that she wasn't briny from swimming in the ocean, just pure Bella. I moaned into her sex, never wanting this to end. I could feel her body tensing over me. Her hips tried in vain to buck against my eager mouth, but I held her motionless above me.
"Please, Edward," she begged. "I want you now."
"Uh, Uh, Uhhh, Bella," I chastened seductively. "You wanted this, now you're going to have to wait until I've had my fill." She screamed in ecstasy as I ravished her, greedily lapping up every drop of her essence. I dragged a finger through her moisture before slowly entering her with one, then another of my fingers.
As I clamped my lips around her swollen bundle of nerves and sucked, her muscles constricted around my fingers. Head thrown back, she let out a feral cry as she was overtaken by her sudden release. I didn't let up until she wilted in my arms, exhausted.
Would that be enough for her, I dared to hope.
"Just give me a minute to catch my breath," she said breathlessly. My jaw tightened. Apparently not.
A minute or two later, I found myself below Bella again, although this time her swollen heat was poised over a different-albeit equally eager-part of my anatomy.
I folded my hands behind my head, safely away from her.
"Carefully now, Bella. Don't hurt yourself," I cautioned as she began to sink down on my shaft. I held very still, locking my hips in place and groaning deeply as her molten core engulfed me inch by blistering inch.
Bella's face screwed up in concentration, adjusting to my girth. I waited perfectly still until her hips began to slowly rock against mine, balancing herself with her warm hands pressed against my chest.
Not trusting my control, I didn't dare thrust up into her, just barely rocked my hips against hers, meeting her movements gently in the middle.
"Oooh, Edward!" She gasped, as she took all of me. Then her eyes opened; meeting my worshipful gaze, she frowned slightly.
I froze. "What's wrong?" She reached down and tugged at one of my elbows, still folded behind my head.
"Touch me, Edward. Please, touch me. I want you to. I'll tell you if it's too hard," she promised. I frowned, having heard that once before. Unable to refuse her anything now, I acquiesced.
I put my hands on either side of her, barely grazing the skin of her hips as she rocked over me. She was awkward at first, but as her comfort grew, so did her confidence.
My right hand slid across her taut, but still soft abdomen to where our bodies were joined. Using my thumb, I delicately circled the swollen, glistening bud that peaked out from between her soft folds.
She threw her head back at this attention and doubled her efforts to impale herself on the smooth marble hardness of my arousal.
Feeling my own release approaching, I leaned up to take a nipple in my mouth while I rubbed her just a bit faster.
This new angle seemed to agree with her, as she moaned low in her throat and bounced on me with abandon.
The sounds she was making...the sounds we were making, drove me mad with desire for her—bodies slapping together then pulling apart with a wet sucking sound as her body gripped mine, seeking to consume.
Then, as I drew my tongue across Bella's other nipple, she sank down on me one last time, her body quaking as she climaxed. Her tightening muscles and the wild shriek that tore from her lungs was enough to send me over the edge.
I laid back on the bed, removing my hands and mouth from her body, and locked my hips into place as I emptied myself into her depths with a loud, satisfied grunt.
As my wits came back to me, I wrapped my arms around her, gently lifting her off my still painfully hard erection, and curled her into the side of my body, covering her with a quilt.
Bella snuggled into me, laying her head on my chest and slung an arm across my torso. I kissed her head as she hummed contentedly.
"Thank you. I'm sorry," she whispered into the dark, exhaustion seeping into her voice.
"Two phrases that should never leave your mouth after we make love," I tsked and kissed her hair again. "I love you. And I'm sorry."
She giggled then, her hand gripping my erection over the tented quilt. I sucked in a breath through my teeth at the unexpected contact; we both froze.
"Sorry!" Bella cringed, immediately releasing her grip. "No surprises, I forgot…I just...you haven't had enough..."
While Bella had a renewed interest in staying human, I had to admit I was a little more eager for her immortality. I didn't think I'd ever get enough of her, and I couldn't wait until I could love her with equal abandon.
I smiled into her hair. "I'll never get enough of you, it's true. But you're tired, love. You should sleep. We're gonna have to get up early if we're going to see—"
"Nooo! No more hiking. I want to stay in bed and watch movies," she grumbled petulantly.
I chuckled and tightened my arms around her. "Whatever you want, sweetheart." I felt her warm, soft lips kiss my chest in reply just before her breathing evened out. I sighed, picked up the discarded book from earlier, and went back to counting her heartbeats.
*A/N* It always bugged me that SM glossed over so much of the honeymoon. She covered like an entire week of their trip in one or two paragraphs. (Not to mention the fade-to-black sex scenes.) So I'm having fun fleshing it out a bit more (if you'll pardon the pun. X-D ) I hope you've enjoyed this latest installment. Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing! Until next time!