Thank you all!

Chapter 3

Carson held Mrs. Hughes while she cried. His heart grew heavy and he began to think on Anna's behavior recently. Her bright and cheerful demeanor had disappeared. He couldn't even recall the last time he had seen a genuine smile upon her face.

Sure, Carson had thought it was strange. But it wasn't in his nature to pry. Anna had still be doing a fine job. There had been no mentions to him about her work. Of course, that would have gone to Mrs. Hughes anyway. Though, it seemed she knew more about Anna's demeanor than any of them had. She had been carrying this dark burden of Anna's.

While he didn't know what this darkness was, Carson could imagine that it had to be something terrible. And he had a very good hypothesis of what Anna had done to herself. He was sure it was not an illness, as much as a self-inflicted horror. But he wouldn't dare speak it aloud. There were too many ears at Downton Abbey. It was a sin. No, they must stay closed lipped for both Anna's sake and the reputation of this house.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Carson," Mrs. Hughes then broke his thoughts, standing herself up to wipe beneath her eyes. "I shouldn't burden you with any of this. I will be alright."

"Mr. Bates shouldn't speak to you in that way. Perhaps, I should speak with Lord Grantham, tell him…"

"No," Mrs. Hughes cut in. "He's distraught. His wife nearly died and she's not out of the woods, yet, I'm afraid. Anna has a rough road ahead of her, Mr. Carson. Mr. Bates has every right to blame me for it."

"No, he does not," Carson strongly stated. "But I won't say anything, not now, anyway. I understand he loves his wife and is frightened for her."

"Thank you."

"And I know that you are too," he added, softly. Mrs. Hughes met his eyes and he could see the stark heartbreak staring back at him.

"I only wanted to help her. The poor girl has been through such terrors." Mrs. Hughes shook her head and Carson offered her his handkerchief. "Thank you," she murmured.

"What terrors, Mrs. Hughes?" But he moment he asked it, he realized it was best he didn't know. The look on Mrs. Hughes' face also showed that she didn't want to speak it out loud to him. "Never mind. I think it's best I don't know."

"Yes, it probably is."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Once Baxter had finished getting Mary ready for the day, Mary made her way downstairs in search of Mrs. Hughes. What she really wanted to do was go upstairs to find Anna. However, Baxter told her that Anna was very ill and that Dr. Clarkson told everyone they were to let her rest and leave her be.

Something was going on and Mary needed to know what it was. Anna hadn't been herself in a very long time. Whenever Mary tried to speak to Anna about it, Anna would only shake her head and say that nothing was the matter and that she was alright. Mary hadn't believed that for a moment, but she had let it go. Now she was wondering if she had been wrong to do so.

Mary opened Mrs. Hughes' parlor door and glanced in to see Mrs. Hughes and Carson sitting at two of the chairs. Carson looked up and gave her a small, caring smile.

"Lady Mary," he brightly greeted.

"Good morning, Carson. Might I speak with Mrs. Hughes for a moment?"

She could tell that Carson was debating on whether to say yes or no. Not that he really could tell her no. She was Lady Mary. Instead, Carson leaned forward and whispered something to Mrs. Hughes, before nodding with his exit.

"Yes, Lady Mary," Mrs. Hughes professionally asked. Yet, Mary could see the shakiness in Mrs. Hughes demeanor and knew instantly that this was worse that she had even thought.

"What's happened with Anna, Mrs. Hughes? I knew something was upsetting her, but….I need to know what happened. I need to know the truth. Is she ill? Was that the big secret she has been keeping from me, from Mr. Bates?"

"No," Mrs. Hughes quietly answered. "Let's sit down."

Mary nodded. She went to take the seat where Carson had just been sitting. Mrs. Hughes retook her own seat and she sighed.

"Mr. Bates hasn't been hurting Anna, has he?" Mary carefully inquired. She never would have thought such a thing before. But there had been the bruises on Anna's face and she had run away back to the Abbey to stay.

"No," Mrs. Hughes quickly stated. "He wouldn't ever do such a thing."

"Then what is wrong with Anna? You must tell me. I have to know all the facts."

"Lady Mary, on the night of the house party, when Dame Melba sang, Anna was assaulted by a visiting valet."

A gasp left Mary's lips. "You mean he…."

"Yes," Mrs. Hughes grew more solemn. "I found Anna right here in this very parlor, hidden in the corner, beaten and scared. Her clothing was ripped. There was blood. She was in an awful state."

There had been many thoughts that had passed through Mary's head about what could possibly be bothering Anna. This had not been one of them.

"Poor Anna…."

"That's only the beginning of it, I'm afraid. Anna wouldn't tell anyone. She refused. I tried to convince her to tell Mr. Bates, to go to the police. She would have none of it. Each day she grew worse. Then last night, she came to me and told me she was feeling better and that she would tell Mr. Bates about everything. I thought…well, I thought the worst of it was over. With Mr. Bates by her side, I knew Anna would start to get better."

"But she didn't?"

"Lady Mary, what I am about to tell you must stay in the strictest of confidences. Anna could be arrested if this were to get out."

"Of course, god knows Anna has kept so many of my secrets."

"Anna tried to kill herself."

Mary fell backwards into her chair, the weight of this information crushing her. Tears welled in her eyes and she didn't even care if she was showing this vulnerable side of herself to Mrs. Hughes. Anna. Dear, sweet Anna didn't deserve any of this.

"But why?" Mary asked, knowing that there likely wasn't a real answer other than Anna was hurting so badly that she hadn't seen any other way out.

"I don't know, not for sure."

"How can I help? I want to help."

"Right now, all you can do is be patient with Anna. It's all that any of us can do."

"You said it was a visiting valet," Mary then said, sitting up straighter. "Who was it?"

Mrs. Hughes took in a deep breath, before replying, "Mr. Gillingham, Lord Gillingham's valet."

"Oh my god," Mary breathed. "I will call Tony and I will tell him to let him go and not give him a recommendation." Seeing the worry on Mrs. Hughes' face of Anna's secret going further, Mary added, "I won't tell him why. Tony will do as I ask him. Then if he ever returns, Anna won't have to worry about seeing him again."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna was still sleeping soundly. More color had begun to rise to her cheeks and she was no longer moaning from time to time. Anna did need to wake soon, John thought. Dr. Clarkson had mentioned the importance of getting fluids into her.

Although, John wasn't sure that he was ready for her to wake up. While he did want to see those beautiful blue irises staring back at him, he didn't know what he was going to say. He didn't know how he could fix this for her. She was hurting more than he could even imagine to attempt such a final and horrifying decision.

Sitting back in his chair by her bed, he decided to pull out the letter she had written him. He glanced at her writing on the front. It was shaky, he now realized. She must have been scared while she wrote it, or perhaps she had been crying.

Taking in a shallow breath, he opened the letter. There were splotches across the paper and so now he was certain she had cried while writing it to him. He wondered how he had failed her so deeply that she didn't feel she could tell him any of this.

My dearest John,

I apologize that this is how you must find out. I never wanted to hurt you, but I feel that is all I have done. I've let you down. I didn't listen to your warnings and now here we are. You didn't like him. I was naïve and stupid. You deserved so much more in a wife than me.

On the night of the house party, when I went down for a powder, Mr. Green cornered me. He hit me and dragged me into the boot room where he pushed me down and forced himself upon me. I should have fought harder or I should have done something better. My shame haunts me every day, John.

Now, I have found out that I am with child. For years, I have prayed to have your child, to become a mother. Now, the dark shadow of Mr. Green looms over and destroys even more from us. I know that it is his child, because my cycle had arrived after our last beautiful time together.

I cannot burden you with such shame. I cannot live in a world where I have been torn from you.

All that I ask is that you do not go after Mr. Green, no matter how much you wish to. He isn't worth your life. Please, do not go against my final wishes in life.

You were my happiness and my light, John. You were my every thing. I am sorry that my shame will cover you for the rest of your days. My final prayer is that it will leave you and that you can find happiness once more.

Love,

Anna

A single tear had slipped down John's cheek as he read the letter. Anna felt she was shamed and that this was her fault. He had a right mind to grab the first train to London and search for Alex Green. The bastard had been the one to destroy the hope inside of his beautiful wife.

He knew that he couldn't, though. He needed to stay here, to be here for Anna. She was going to need him by her side, to assure her that he didn't believe there was any shame. To assure her that he loved her and didn't blame her for any of this.

He carefully folded the letter back and placed it into his pocket, before sliding forward and resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes scanned over Anna to make sure that she was still breathing. As he watched her chest rise and fall, he let out a relieved breath. She was still here, with him.

His head fell into his hands and he tried to control himself. Tears were forming again. And his thoughts turned to the child. If Anna was still pregnant, what were they going to do?

John didn't have much time to dwell on it, because Anna began to stir. Her brows creased and her lips opened slightly, as a moan left her lips. Quickly, John moved to sit next to her on the bed and place his hand on her cheek.

"Shh," he soothed. "Don't overdo it."

Anna's eyes slowly fluttered and she let out another low sound.

"Here," John offered. He grabbed the water by the bed and placed it by her lips. "You need to drink this. Dr. Clarkson said that you need fluids."

Even though Anna's eyes were still closed, she searched out for the water. John assisted her and helped her take a few small sips. Then he put the cup back down as Anna's eyes opened.

Immediately, Anna realized that she was still alive and that John was beside her. She turned her face away from him and sharply inhaled.

"Anna," he murmured.

Her face went through a myriad of emotions, as she curled her body away from John. He rested his hand on her arm and just tried to show her that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Anna," he tried again. "I'm so glad we found you in time."

A strangled sound left Anna's lips, before she shook her head. "I'm not." John's entire body froze at her confession.

"Anna…."

"Please," Anna begged, her body curling up more tightly, hiding herself away from her husband. "Please, leave me alone."

"I can't do that, Anna," John stated. "I can't trust that you won't do something like this again. But I will sit over in that corner so that you can have some space. Just know that I love you, that I don't blame you for any of this. That I don't see you as spoiled. All I see when I look at you is my wife, whom I love more than life itself."

Anna tensed against his hand and he stood. He could see that she was silently crying. While he wanted to pull her into his arms, he had promised her he would leave her be for now. So instead, he grabbed the chair and moved it over to the corner, where he could watch over his wife until she was ready to speak with him.

TBC...