Thank you so much for your kind reviews! I'm behind on replying. We're having a family week together and so my writing time is a lot less for a few more days. I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate all your kindness and I hope you continue to like this story!

Chapter 11

John felt Anna's hand against his cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled, as Anna brought her fingers over the curve of his jaw. He brought his own hand up to cup her cheek and just marveled at the beauty of his wife. It seemed this was going to be a good morning, and so perhaps, he could make it into a good day.

It was the day of the church bazar. A change to the routine could be good for them both. Anna had always enjoyed days when they got to be outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. So often, they spent their time indoors, rarely seeing the sun. It was always dark when they left in the evenings. Only on their walks to the Abbey did they get the sun rise.

"Good morning," John gruffly said, his voice thick with sleep. Anna rose up slightly, bending forward and surprising him with a quick peck against his lips. It was the first time she had kissed him since it had happened. He couldn't lie and say he didn't miss that part of their marriage, the intimate part. However, he had no intentions of pushing Anna. He would wait until she was ready, even if it took a lifetime.

"Good morning," Anna happily replied, settling back against the pillows. Her hand still lingered on his cheek. She caressed his cheek with her thumb. Briefly, her brows furrowed and she maneuvered herself slightly, but then she smiled back up at him.

The past couple of weeks, John had noticed that Anna seemed to have a less visceral reaction to the baby moving in her belly. She still didn't enjoy it, but she also didn't completely freeze and tense up every time he or she moved. He assumed it was because the baby moved much more now. He would notice this movement at times and it would make him inwardly smile. However, he still knew to be very careful with his reactions. This was all a delicate situation.

They didn't have much longer before the baby would arrive. Her due date was in just a couple of weeks, but Dr. Clarkson said it really could be any day now. This worried John. He had thought that by now Anna would be more accepting of the baby's arrival, but she still ignored any mention of speaking about it.

When others at Downton asked her about the baby, Anna would just shake her head and find an excuse to leave quickly. If they happened to be stuck at the table when someone asked, John would respond for Anna. The others noticed, but they thankfully didn't say anything. It was a small blessing that Thomas hadn't been here during all of this. John couldn't even start to think of the snips he would have said about it all.

Over the past month, John had been slowly preparing the nursery for the baby. He worked on it on his half-days when Anna was still working. After he painted the room, he had shown Anna, who had just gave a half nod and told him it was nice. But she had refused to walk into the nursery. She always grew quiet as she walked past the opened door. One morning, John found the door closed. He decided to keep it that way for now. Eventually, Anna would have to accept that there would be a baby in there. She couldn't avoid it forever. Or at least, he hoped not.

He understood why this was hard for her and he wished it wasn't. But this also not what he had dreamed when he planned for them having a baby. It was supposed to be a wonderful time, a time for them to laugh and daydream about their child's future. Instead, it was shadowed by the trauma Green had caused his wife. She was tortured by her own memories and the knowledge that the child growing within her was not theirs, but to her, the baby was his. It didn't matter what John tried to say or how he could try to show her that the baby was hers, that he loved it has his own. No, to her the baby was a growing memory of the trauma Green had put her through and the dreams he had taken from them. And John had no idea how to make any of that better. So all he could do was his best and to be patient.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

As Anna prepared for the day, she found her hands slowly coming to rest above the large swell of her belly. It made her breath hitch in her throat, but she didn't remove them. Instead, her eyes fell to her stomach and she could feel tears prickling in her eyes. Not much longer before it would be outside of her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to the bump. "I am not good enough for you. I wish I could love you, but I can't. I know it's not your fault, but I can't." She heard the scrape of John's cane coming up the stairs, so she dropped her hands from her belly and finished pinning up her hair.

John's head came into the doorway and he immediately frowned. Anna hated that she was causing him such pain, so she forced a smile upon her lips.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked him, trying to sound light and carefree. It seemed to do the trick, because John's own lips curled upwards and he nodded.

"Yes. I'm ready."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Mary felt as though she was spinning. Had she just heard that correctly? Tony Gillingham was standing in front of her, eyeing her carefully.

"Is that why you asked me to let him go without a reference?" Tony was asking Mary. She blinked harshly, her heart hammering within her chest. "Mary? Did he attack someone here, at the Abbey?"

Mary found herself then and met Tony's eyes. "I'd rather not speak of it," she answered. That seemed enough to appease Tony's curiosity. Mary couldn't tell how Tony felt about all of this. He seemed more shocked that Alex Green had been killed than the reason he had been killed.

If Green had been killed by a woman he was trying to attack, then Anna most certainly had not been his first victim. This had to have happened multiple times at multiple places. That made Mary ask,

"You've never been told of this behavior of his before?"

Tony shifted uncomfortably in front of Mary. Her eyes narrowed.

"Well, there was this one time where a housemaid accused him of inappropriate behaviors, but he said she was lying. In the end, they decided to let her go," Tony said. Mary felt her blood begin to simmer.

"You brought that man into my home knowing he had done such a thing?"

"I didn't think…."

"Of course you didn't," Mary snapped. She was fuming. Tony had brought that monster into their home. Had he fired the man the moment he had been accused and called the police, this would have never happened to Anna. "I want you gone. Now. And don't come back."

Mary took in a deep breath and then turned, trying to keep her cool. She was sure she heard Tony call out after her. She didn't care.

From a distance, she saw Anna. She needed to tell her that she no longer needed to fear Alex Green, that he was dead. Mary hoped it would help her to move forward knowing that he was gone from this world.

She found Anna with Tom and Sybbie. For this brief moment, Anna appeared happy. Mary wondered if this wasn't the wrong time to tell her. Would it ruin her moment of happiness? Anna rarely had them now. She swallowed hard. She went to turn, but before she could, Anna called out.

"Is everything alright, m'lady?"

"Yes," Mary lied, forcing a smile upon her lips. But Anna frowned. She knew her well. Mary nodded to her brother-in-law and then walked away, only to be followed by Anna.

When they were out of earshot, Mary decided to tell her.

"He….he's dead?" Anna asked. Her facial expressions were unreadable. Mary nodded.

"He attempted to pull one of the cooks from the kitchen in a home in London. The girl grabbed a knife and sliced his throat."

Anna's face blanched. Mary winced. Perhaps, that was not the best way to describe Alex Green's death.

"Are you alright?" Mary questioned Anna, who seemed to be rocky on her feet.

"May…may I go inside for a bit, m'lady?" Mary's brows began to furrow in worry.

"Yes, of course. Should I send in Mrs. Hughes with you?"

"No, I'll be alright."

"I could grab Bates."

"No!" Anna more strongly called out this time. Then she gave Mary a weak smile. "I….I only need a moment. Thank you."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna found herself in the boot room. Why did she always end up in here when she was overwhelmed? This room was where everything had been taken from her. Yet, she found comfort in this room. It made no sense to her.

She began to pace; everything running through her mind. He had still been out there, hurting other woman. More women had been hurt. Had that been her fault? She had been too afraid to speak up and now-

A sharp breath left her lips and she clutched against the table, before harsh tears fell out of her eyes. She couldn't do this.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Isobel needed the first aid kit. Sybbie had been playing and fell, scrapping her knee. It was an artificial cut at most, but Isobel still felt it could use a small bandage to keep her from getting it infected.

As she walked in through the back door of the Abbey, she heard harsh sobs from one of the rooms. She quickly headed toward the sound, worried about who was so upset. She wondered if it weren't one of the younger maids, heartbroken over some boy.

That would have been easier than what she found on the other side. Anna Bates was pacing back and forth, sobbing her heart out. She was muttering something under her breath and had not noticed Isobel in the room.

"Anna?" Isobel tried. The girl jerked her head up, meeting Isobel's eyes. "What's wrong, dear?"

"I can't do it," Anna cried, her breaths shortening. Isobel pursed her lips in worry. "None of this is right. None of it!"

"What's not right?" Isobel carefully asked, stepping closer to Anna.

"It was right here," Anna sobbed, her eyes on the floor in front of her. "He held me down right here," her voice was tight. Isobel felt her chest tighten at the realization of what Anna was telling her. "I tried to fight him off! I did."

Isobel took another step forward, feeling disheartened.

"I'm sure you did," she said.

"And now…" Anna pressed her hand against the table, her eyes closing sharply. "I can't do this! This isn't how it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be John's baby, not his!"

Anna's knuckles grew white and she shook harshly.

"Oh, Anna, you're in labor!"

"No," Anna moaned. "I…I'm not ready."

Isobel gently placed her hands on Anna's shoulders and waited until Anna's eyes met hers.

"You don't really get much of a choice when it happens. The baby is coming now. It'll be alright, dear."

"I can't do this," Anna sobbed again.

Isobel brushed a sweaty bead off Anna's forehead, "Yes, you can. I'll be here every step of the way."

To be continued...

Baby is on the way in the next chapter! Thanks for reading! :)