Thank you all :)
Chapter 13
Elsie stepped into the downstairs' hallway feeling disheartened. She had just dropped off dinner for Mr. Bates and Anna. Anna wasn't speaking nor showing any interest in anything around her. Mr. Bates had sat beside her with the baby in his arms and Anna's face had been completely turned away. She could see the pain on Mr. Bates' face. They still had a long road ahead of them.
"So, how's the baby? Little girl, you said?" Ms. Patmore brightly asked, stepping in front of Elsie. "Do you think I could take a look in a little while? Do you think they'd mind?"
Elsie sighed. "Not right now, Ms. Patmore. Anna is very tired." Ms. Patmore frowned.
Hoping that was the end of the questions, Elsie headed to her parlor. She needed a moment to herself to gather her thoughts and try to think of a way to help Anna. Surely there was something she could do, wasn't there?
But Elsie realized once she had reached the sanctity of her parlor that Ms. Patmore had followed her. She inhaled, as Ms. Patmore closed the door behind them.
"How's Anna, really?" Ms. Patmore asked, her voice quiet. Elsie pursed her lips.
"How do you mean? She's tired, of course, she's just had a baby."
Ms. Patmore remained quiet for a moment. She held a rag in her hands that she shifted from one hand to the other, before finally speaking up, "I've tried to stay out of it, Mrs. Hughes, but something isn't right with that girl and it hasn't been for a while now."
Elsie wanted to act as though she didn't have any idea what Ms. Patmore was talking about, but she was too tired. And she knew that Ms. Patmore noticed way more than the others gave her credit for. Also, she had grown closer with Anna ever since she had been the one to travel with her for her surgery all those years ago. So, Elsie just twisted her lips and waited for Ms. Patmore to continue.
"She changed after that house party. Me mind keeps going through it and all I can think is that it has something to do with that cheeky visiting valet – and what I'm thinking isn't good."
"No," Elsie quietly agreed. "It isn't." Ms. Patmore blanched slightly, her eyes growing wide.
"Poor dear," Ms. Patmore sighed, shaking her head.
"You mustn't tell anyone."
"I'll take it to me grave," Ms. Patmore strongly promised. A loud breath leaving her lips. "Poor dear indeed."
With that, Ms. Patmore left the room, allowing Elsie to finally sit in her chair and have a moment to herself. The moment was short lived, however, because her door opened once more. Glancing up, she saw it was Mr. Carson. He cleared his throat.
"May I come in?"
Elsie gave a tired nod. Mr. Carson closed the door behind him and then sat down across from her. He sat very quiet, almost in a thoughtful manner, as though he was trying to work out the best way to say what he wanted to say. It made her quite nervous if she was to be honest. Elsie didn't know how much more she could add to her plate of worries. What else could there be?
"Mrs. Hughes, I am not one to snoop."
"No," she agreed. "I've never known you to be."
"But this afternoon, I happened to hear something of a delicate nature," Mr. Carson continued. Elsie perked up.
"And what is that, Mr. Carson?"
"I overheard Anna telling Mrs. Crawley the truth of what happened to her and about the fact that Mr. Bates is not the father of the baby. I didn't mean to hear it," he quickly added. "I was walking by the boot room and happened to hear crying and voices. I only listened in to try and see if someone needed help."
"I see," Elsie muttered. "So now you know the truth."
"I do," he stated. "I don't intend on letting her or Mr. Bates know that I know. I assume that Mr. Bates already knows?"
"He does."
"Ah, good," he replied. He remained pensive. "Has the man who did it been punished?"
"In a way," Elsie answered. She didn't want to get into all the ins and outs right now.
"Good, good," he paused. "And are we sure that Mr. Bates will be able to care for this child that isn't even his? Is this going to cause problems in the future?"
"Mr. Bates already loves this child, Mr. Carson. He loves her, his little girl. If you dare say that child isn't his, I'm sure he'd fight you. The real concern is Anna."
"Anna?"
"Yes, she's in a bad place. We will need to be patient, have grace for her and Mr. Bates as they adjust to this new life. I'm sure you know what happened before when Anna was sick upstairs. We don't want that to happen again."
"No," Mr. Carson gravely said. "We do not." Mr. Carson's cheeks grew a little red and he inhaled sharply. "It happened here at Downton." There was anger in his voice. "I thought this was a safe place."
"I did too."
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At some point a rocking chair had been brought into Lady Mary's room and John moved to it to rock his new little girl. She was so incredibly perfect. He had counted her fingers and her toes, twice. She had cooed up at him and was sure he got a smile, though Mrs. Crawley told him that it was just gas.
"What should we name her?" John asked Anna, who was turned away from him. She hadn't spoken in nearly fifteen hours now. Most of that time, she had been sleeping. Mrs. Crawley said it was best to let Anna sleep, that she needed it. So throughout the night, Mrs. Crawley brought up bottles for the baby, showing John how to feed and burp her. She also taught John how to change her nappies and how to lay her down in the small cradle that had been brought in from the nursery.
Mrs. Crawley said they would attempt nursing once Anna had gotten a decent amount of sleep, saying that she might be in a better headspace when she wasn't as physically exhausted. But that didn't seem to be the case. Anna had been awake for hours now and still wouldn't reply to his words. It was as though she was trapped in her own mind, lost away from them all.
"She's absolutely beautiful, Anna," John just continued to speak.
The door opened to Mrs. Crawley with a fresh blanket and bottle for the baby. She smiled when she saw that Anna was awake.
"Good," Mrs. Crawley stated. "We'll try nursing now."
She sat down the bottle and blanket and then took the baby girl from John's arms, giving him an assured smile. John was glad that she was here to take charge. Anna needed a bit of pushing, but he wasn't sure he could be the one to do that right now.
He watched with anticipation. He just knew that holding the baby would make all the difference. His wife just needed to look at that perfect face and then she would be in love.
"Here," Mrs. Crawley stated. She placed the baby into Anna's arms. Anna glanced down and Mrs. Crawley's lips curled up. But John saw the way Anna's eyes were devoid of any emotion and she just stared at the baby, as though it was a doll, and not her child.
Mrs. Crawley either didn't care or didn't notice. She unlatched the top buttons of the gown and pulled out Anna's breast, helping to lead it to the baby's mouth. Almost immediately, the baby latched on and began to suck.
"Oh, good, very good, Anna. You're a natural."
Anna's shoulders tensed and her face screwed up with absolute fear.
"No," Anna muttered, shaking her head. "Take her away. Please, please take her away." Her voice rose with each word, growing frantic.
"Anna, the baby…." Mrs. Crawley tried to reason with Anna.
"Please, please, take her away."
Mrs. Crawley gently tugged the baby off Anna's breast and the baby began to wail. She brought the baby up to her shoulder and bounced her, watching as Anna turned back over to her side and fell back into her state of withdraw.
John frowned. How could Anna look at their baby and not feel any connection?
"Here," Mrs. Crawley broke in his thoughts. "Hold your baby girl."
He happily took her and then fed her, once Mrs. Crawley handed him the bottle. Her brows were furrowed with worry; she kept looking over at Anna.
"We'll try again later," she simply said.
John fed the baby, while Mrs. Crawley remained in the room. Anna allowed her to check her abdomen and to make sure she was healing as she should. She spoke to Anna, though Anna never responded, only to turn back on her side when the examination was over.
Before Mrs. Crawley could leave the room, the baby was asleep. So John laid her down in the cradle and then asked Mrs. Crawley if they could talk. She nodded and told him to come to the room she was staying in.
He followed her down the hallway and they entered the room she where she would be staying until Anna and he went back to the cottage.
"Anna's lucky to have you," were Mrs. Crawley's first words to him.
"I don't know about that," John thought darkly. "She's unhappy. I thought that by holding her baby…"
"I know," Mrs. Crawley's lips curled downward. "I've tended many women who have been through what your wife went through, Mr. Bates, some of which had babies after their attacks. To some, the baby is seen as a separate entity entirely and some come to terms with it better than others."
"Did they all get better?" John had to know.
"Some of them did, over time. Many had to move forward pretending to be alright, but inside they were not. Sadly, our world does not listen to these women, Mr. Bates. They often have to hold their pain inside, which slowly kills them. But Anna has something that all the other women I have ever worked with have not."
"What's that?"
"A loving husband. You are here. You believe her. You are standing by her side and raising this baby as your own. With your strength and understanding, I do believe that she will pull through this. But you will need to be patient. She's in a lot of pain."
John swallowed hard.
"I'd like to stick with bottles for the baby," he stated then. "I don't want to put her through nursing if it's going to upset her. I don't believe it's the best way to get her to interact with the baby."
"Alright," Mrs. Crawley answered. "It can be a bit pricey and more work."
"I'll make do."
At that, Mrs. Crawley gave him a small smile. "Yes, I'm sure you will. For now, just gently try to get Anna to interact with the baby. It'll happen."
"Thank you, Mrs. Crawley."
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That night, John was back in the rocking chair with his baby girl in his arms. She was now over twenty-four hours old and she still didn't have a name. He knew what he would love to name her. It was a name he had always wanted to name his little girl, but he wanted Anna's input. So, again, he tried to ask her what she wanted.
"She's over a day old now; she needs a name," John said to Anna. Standing from the rocking chair and sitting down next to Anna. Her eyes were on the wall in front of her. "Don't you want to give your daughter a name?"
Anna shifted slightly beside him. Slowly her eyes came to him and she mumbled, "You can name her," before her eyes shifted back to the wall.
John's heart constricted in his chest. He wanted to plead with her to interact more with him, but he knew that he needed to do as Mrs. Crawley said and be patient. He gently bounced the baby in his arms and kissed the top of her head.
When he was five years old, his father had died of a heart attack. His father's youngest sister, out of ten children, came and stayed with him and his mother to help his mother with John. This allowed his mother to work and to keep them from losing everything they had. His father had set up a lot of things to protect them, but it still wasn't enough to where his mother could remain home with him. His aunt lived with them for six years. She had been like a second mother to John and had helped to teach him things his mother didn't even know about his father. She had meant the world to him.
"Ruby," John finally said. "I want to name her Ruby. Ruby Bates."
Anna's head turned quickly to face John. "You want to give her that special name?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I want to give that name to my daughter?"
Anna's eyes remained on him, studying his face for several seconds. There was a brief moment where he thought he might get more from her, but she fell back against the pillows and turned away from him once more.
His eyes went back to his daughter and he smiled.
"Yes," he whispered to her. "You are Ruby Bates, named after my aunt, Ruby Bates. It'll be nice to have another strong Ruby in the family."
To be continued...
The baby has a name, little Ruby Bates. :) More soon!