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Chapter 16

Ruby was six weeks old and on a better schedule now. John was able to get five straight hours of sleep from midnight to five every night. When they would get home from work, he could put her down for a quick hour nap she would take. It gave him time to get what needed to be done for the evening. After that, he'd feed her the final bottle for the night, put her to bed and go right to sleep to get the much needed sleep. It still wasn't enough sleep, but it was better than it had been a week before.

Anna still kept to herself. She went to work, didn't speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary, and came home. It was like she was his roommate and not his partner in life.

She had become uncomfortable to be around. The slightest thing could make her angry and so John always felt like he was on egg shells when he was near her. He guessed he should be glad to see some sort of emotion out of her, but he was growing weary.

As they walked into work this particular morning, Anna looked tired. He didn't know how much or how little she slept. Sometimes, he would find her downstairs sitting by the window when he grabbed Ruby's five am bottle. Whenever he tried to speak to her, she would say as little as possible, or not respond at all.

There were also days when she wouldn't get out of bed like before. Those days were the most worrisome to John. He'd always go back to the cottage as many times as he could during the day, just to make sure that Anna hadn't tried something drastic again. On those days, he would find his memory going back to the day he found her upstairs, almost gone.

Ruby cooed from her pram and John paused. He bent over and touched Ruby's cheek, smiling.

"Hello, my little darling," he murmured. "Do you like the clouds?" She cooed again. "Maybe when you are a little older, we will lay on the grass and see what shapes we can find in the sky."

Ruby grasped at his hand and his smile grew. She always made him smile. He stood up to continue their journey, frowning when he saw Anna several steps ahead of them. But he pushed ahead. It was all he could do.

When they reached the Abbey, he parked the pram by the back door and lifted Ruby up. Anna had already gone inside, not waiting for them. He didn't know why he expected anything different.

As he passed by Mrs. Hughes' parlor, he heard her call for him. He stepped inside and she quickly closed the door behind him, before smiling at Ruby.

"She really is beautiful," Mrs. Hughes declared. Everyone said that and John had to agree. He beamed like the proud father he was. But then Mrs. Hughes grew serious. "Any leeway with Anna?"

"No," he breathed.

"I've been trying to speak with her, but she just ignores me," Mrs. Hughes said.

"I worry," John confessed. "She's withdrawn herself from all of us. It reminds me of how she was…before the incident."

Mrs. Hughes' eyes grew wide. "You don't think she would try that again, do you?"

"I don't know," John replied honestly. "She's not just withdrawn from me, Mrs. Hughes. She won't even look at Ruby."

"She wouldn't," Mrs. Hughes stated, though she didn't sound completely convinced. "She just needs time."

"I'm tired of giving her time," John growled, his fist clinching by his side. Ruby wailed at the sound of his angry voice. He immediately regretted it, soothing his daughter and apologizing to Mrs. Hughes. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Mr. Bates. But she'll come around. She loves you and she will love Ruby, I am sure of it."

"I need to take her upstairs to Nanny. Thank you, Mrs. Hughes."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Mary," her mother's voice came behind her in the library. She turned giving her mother a curt nod.

"Yes, Mama?"

"Nanny said that Anna's daughter, Ruby, sometimes stays in the nursery when Anna is at home. Why is our nanny watching a servant's child when they aren't even working?"

Mary's lips pursed into an unforgiving line. "I'm not sure how that is any of your business. Anna works for me. And I have a right mind to speak to Nanny about speaking on things that are none of her concern."

"Oh Mary," Cora interjected, rolling her eyes. "It is not our job to care for the staff's children. It is kind that we even provide them with the care during the day."

"It's what we do to keep Anna and Bates," Mary bit back.

"But if Anna isn't even working some days…"

"Mama," Mary heavily sighed. "It's not that simple. She's…well, she's had a bit of the baby blues and I know you know what that means, because Papa said you had it after Edith was born – not that I could blame you."

Cora's lips twisted to one side. "When did he tell you that?"

"After I lost Matthew. For some reason, he thought it was the same thing." Mary was unamused as she remembered this moment. "Anyway," she continued on. "We are assisting the Bateses while they go through this difficult time in their lives. It's the least we could do, especially for Anna." At her last two words, she rose her eyebrows, reminding her mother of the time Anna had helped them out of a scandal.

"Right," Cora replied with a slight huff in her voice. "Well, I do hope she gets better soon."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna stepped down the stairs, carrying a pair of Mary's shoes that needed to be polished. It was a simple task and Anna was grateful for it. It would allow her to hide herself away in the boot room, not to be bothered by questions and conversation pieces by the rest of the staff. Anna wondered if everyone had always been so chatty or if it was just them trying to get inside of her head. If they knew what was going on inside of there, they would definitely want nothing to do with her anymore.

As she walked down the hallway, she passed Thomas. Her lips tightened. Lately, he seemed more friendly than usual and she didn't like it. She knew his game. There was always something in it for him.

"Are you needing those polished, Anna?" Thomas asked her, a smile on his face. Had Anna not known Thomas for several years, she would have thought his smile genuine and kind.

"Not sure why you are worried about what I am doing," she bit.

"I'm heading into the boot room now. I could polish them," he offered.

"Why would you do that?" She snapped. He appeared sincerely hurt.

"I was just offering to help."

"I know exactly what you're doing, Thomas. Stay away from me," she bitterly warned. She bypassed him and went into the boot room, hitting the shoes harshly against the wood. A loud breath escaped her lips and she eyed the doorway, glad when Thomas decided not to enter. He was always up to something and she was not going to get pulled into whatever this was.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

John could feel the tension between his shoulders. He was tired. It had been a long day. He needed to quickly get Ruby's bottle done so she could get her nighttime nap and he could have his moments of relaxation before her bedtime bottle.

Anna had gone upstairs in a mood. She seemed extra on edge today. He sighed. None of this was right.

Ruby took an unusually long time to settle, but it finally happened. He placed her into her cradle and let out a relieved breath when she remained asleep. Once he was sure she would be asleep for a while, he closed the door and went into the bedroom to change for the evening.

Anna was folding some of her gowns and replacing them in their drawers.

"I finally got her down," John said, though, as usual there was no response from his wife. But he always tried to speak with Anna about Ruby. He wanted to make it the normal and hopefully one day she would respond. "Lord Grantham bought Ruby a gift."

This seemed to peek Anna's interest. She paused what she was doing.

"He bought her a ruby necklace." John pulled the small velvet bag out of his pocket. Anna went back to furiously folding her gowns.

"That's a stupid gift for a baby," Anna said, as she threw her final gown into the drawer and closed it. She faced him, but her eyes fell on the bed in front of her.

John lightly chuckled, "Well, that's Lord Grantham for you, but I felt it was thoughtful for him to get our daughter a gift."

"Thoughtful to get her something she can't even use?" Anna growled, meeting his eyes. There was fury staring back at him. He was tired of walking on egg shells around her and this still being what he got in return.

"It's a nice gift," he grew defensive. "It's for when she's older." He was now angry. Why couldn't Anna allow Ruby to have this nice gift? Why did everything have to be tainted when it came to their daughter?

Anna breathed heavily and John waited for the outburst. But it didn't come. Instead, she exited their room, heading straight to the bathroom, where she entered and slammed the door. The jarring sound woke Ruby and her screams filled the house.

Quickly, John made his way to his daughter. His anger was growing. Now she had woken the baby. Did she really care that little for the both of them? He lifted Ruby out of the cradle and held her close, bouncing her up and down. She continued to cry.

John had to walk her downstairs to take her outside. Sometimes, when nothing would calm her down, being outside would miraculously soothe her. And it worked. The moment they stepped out of the front door, she stopped crying. He walked her back and forth at the front of their cottage, before trying to take her back inside. However, the moment he tried stepping into the cottage, she began to scream again.

He had to walk her outside for nearly half an hour until she settled back to a deep enough sleep for him to take her back to her bed.

Once he laid her down, John decided he needed to speak with Anna. This had been going on for way too long. They couldn't keep living like this.

He walked into their bedroom to find she wasn't in there. Panic filled his frame. She was still in the bathroom. He had begun hiding his razors and whatever items he could think she might be able to use to hurt herself, but what if she had found them? What if this was the time…

However, before he could think about bursting the bathroom door open, Anna stepped out. Her hair was wet and she looked completely drained, reminding him just how lost she really was. All the anger from before was now gone and instead, he was again filled with concern for his wife. He loved her more than life itself and he felt inept when it came to helping her. Everyone said it just would take time, but what if he missed something and then she was gone from him?

He blinked harshly, tears stinging his eyes.

"We should go to bed," he gruffly got out. Anna nodded.

"Yes," she whispered. "We should."

To be continued...