AN : I don't own Twilight.

Chapter 6

As much as I wanted to be loved and feel wanted, I knew I wasn't anywhere near ready to be in a relationship, even with Edward. My heart and my head were conflicted. I needed to relearn how to love myself first. I desperately needed to get over my fears and insecurities inspired by Jacob's behavior. A part of me believed it was all my fault. I was such a fool. Another part of me knew Esme and Carlisle weren't wrong. Jake's actions were his own and I hadn't made him do anything.

I sighed, my new cellphone in hands. Edward had given it to me. We still hadn't talk about our kiss. I wanted to, but I thought it'd be better to let time do its job.

As of now, I was on my way to Carlisle's coworker' office, a therapist named Rosalie Hale. Esme was by my side and I had left Noah in Edward's care. Esme squeezed my hand, keeping her eyes on the road while driving. She gave me hope, but there was still a tear softly making its way down my cheek.

When we arrived at Dr Hale's clinic, Esme chatted with everyone while I waited rather impatiently on an uncomfortable chair. What would I tell Dr Hale? What would she think of me? I was building a panic attack when I felt Esme hug me.

"Breathe, Bella. You're safe."

I tried my hardest not break down.

"Rosalie is the best therapist you could ask for. I have a feeling you feel somewhat responsible for Jacob's behavior, but you have to know you're not at fault, Bella."

Her voice was soothing. My breathing went back to a relatively normal pace.

"Thank you, Esme". I whispered softly. I couldn't trust my breaking voice.

"Isabella Swan" a firm yet gentle voice called.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Esme inquired, waving at a magnificent blonde woman.

I shook my head no.

"I can do this", I decided.

I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince. Esme or myself? Both, I guess. I took a deep breath and followed the woman to her office. She invited me to sit down on a beautiful caramel leather chair that looked way more comfortable than the ones in the waiting room.

"Good morning, Isabella", the young woman greeted, smiling. She radiated confidence.

"Just Bella, please", I informed her.

"Pardon me. Bella, then", she said, writing something down rapidly. She looked up at me. "Dr Cullen told me you needed urgent counseling. However, he didn't tell me why", she paused. "Do you want to talk about why you're here today, Bella?"

I nodded. I thought I could begin by telling her about Jacob without many details to give her a global portrait. I wasn't sure I was ready to relive everything. It was so hard to fall back down memory lane.

'Now, Bella. It's time to undress your soul.'

Rosalie was patient throughout my story, asking for a couple of precisions on my feeling here and there. I never once felt judged. Before I knew it, I'd been talking for two hours straight.

"Wow!" I exclaimed, glancing at the clock.

Rosalie put down her pen and stared at me. She looked serious.

"Bella. Even though you don't believe it yet, you'll get through this. You're a strong woman. Learn to love yourself again and to respect yourself. It takes time and I'll be there every step of the way if you want me to", she paused, stood up and approached me slowly. "I usually don't say this, but I want to tell you something because I feel we connect on a friendship level. Once upon a time, I was in your position."

I gasped. Dr Hale had been abused?

"It wasn't an easy situation to overcome. And I handled it pretty badly. That's how I chose my career path. I wanted to be able to help how I wasn't helped…" she continued. "I'll tell you more some other time. I believe my story will help your healing process."

She smiled brightly, showing her perfect white teeth…

"Now on to your homework of the week : I want you to write down five qualities of yours and an example of those qualities in your everyday life."

"Thank you so much, Dr Hale."

"It's Rosalie", she demanded firmly. "And here is my personal number."

I took the paper from her hands, nodding. "Thanks, Rosalie."

Esme was still waiting for me in the waiting room, but so were Edward and Noah. I rushed over to them and hugged fiercely my baby boy. His presence was comforting and I was so glad to see Edward.

Esme smiled at me. "Bella, I have an errand to run at Alice's fashion store. She called while you were with Rosalie." She winked and turned to her son. "Edward, I hope you don't mind driving Bella back home."

Edward smiled tentatively at me his adorable crooked smile. "You know I don't mind, mom…" He turned to me. "Shall we?"

I smiled. I felt content. My talk with Rosalie had been somewhat liberating. I knew I wouldn't feel as anxious to come the next time. If I was honest, I couldn't wait to hear her story and the reasons why she was persuaded it was going to help me heal.

Edward was pretty silent on the drive back. He stole glances at me, but didn't say anything. I decided to break the ice.

"Esme wasn't very subtle when she left" I remarked.

Edward took a deep breath. "Indeed. She… She knew I wanted to talk to you in private." He glanced at Noah and sighed. Noah was sleeping. It was his usual nap time.

"Oh."

We were almost home.

"Bella, I…"

I wanted to look at Edward's green eyes while he spoke, but I interrupted him when my gaze fell on my father's cruiser.

"I hope he brings good news!" I exclaimed, almost waking up my son.

Once again, we wouldn't have our talk. I guessed it wasn't time yet. I wanted to know where we stood. We had always had a connection, way before I met Jacob Black. We were too comfortable and too young to know what it was. Then, I met Jake and felt butterflies. I thought I was in love. Maybe I was. I regretted giving him my virginity. It should have been Edward. But in the meantime, I wouldn't have Noah and I couldn't regret him.

I shook my head. What was done was done! Jake hadn't always been bad. We had good moments too…

I was about to take Noah from his car seat, but Edward already had him.

"Thanks, Edward" I murmured. I was surprised to see Carlisle's BMW. I thought he was working. I opened the door for Edward.

"Hey Bella, Edward!" My dad greeted us.

"Hi Chief Swan! I'll put our boy to bed, Bella."

My heart skipped a beat. 'Our boy'! They say happiness is not a fish that you can catch, but I could assure you I was taking a piece!

Edward could make me feel all sort of emotions with words and simple gestures. He made me feel alive.

I couldn't erase the smile from my face.