Chapter 26: Bad Behavior Bites Back

Thursday, 30 July 1812

Once again, Elizabeth woke feeling ill. It could only be her nerves at this point. As she lay still, willing the nausea to go away, Darcy wiped her face with a cool, wet cloth. "We must call Mr. Pryce," he insisted.

"It will worry Papa, maybe even causing him to delay his return." She looked pleadingly at him. "These last days have been difficult enough to answer his questions without revealing"—she slowly waved her hand between them—"this." With a small smile, she told him to go start his day as the household expects. She would be well in a few minutes.

Understanding both her distress at her father's visit and the importance of maintaining appearances, but much against his will, Mr. Darcy called Peeke to help Elizabeth as he went to his apartment to dress.

Once Mr. Darcy left, Elizabeth leapt to the water closet to vomit. Peeke brought her a cool, damp cloth to wash her face and revive herself. Again she brought fennel tea and biscuits to settle her stomach while assuring her this sickness was likely brought on by enduring such emotional events while still early in her pregnancy.

Once restored, Peeke helped Elizabeth prepare for the morning.

~~~oo0oo~~~

Darcy walked into breakfast to find only Mr. Bennet at the table, reading. He bowed politely as the man looked up at him.

Nodding back, Mr. Bennet returned to his book, commenting offhandedly, "I was expecting my Lizzy. She is usually quite an early riser."

"I believe she is not feeling well this morning," Darcy answered flippantly.

Mr. Darcy saw Mr. Bennet's head jerk up with eyes boring into him. With absolute horror, Darcy realized his mistake. How would he know how Elizabeth was feeling? He quickly searched his mind for some reason that did not involve waking up in her bed.

Mr. Bennet slowly closed his book, asking, "And how did you, sir, garner such information about my daughter?"

Darcy cleared his throat. "Anne mentioned it to me when I went to escort her to breakfast."

Looking back toward the door, Mr. Bennet pointed out, "You must have misplaced her along your way, or my vision has become shockingly dull. Where is your wife, sir?"

This is why I hate disguise of every sort, he thought as he cursed himself for his mistake. "Anne stayed with her." He prayed today would not be the one day Anne decided to rise early. "She told me of Miss Bennet's health when asking me to send a tray this morning."

Not looking especially satisfied, Mr. Bennet sat his book to the side of his plate. "Ah, so we will have our meal alone?" he asked with an affected calmness.

Darcy's eyes narrowed as he nodded, recognizing the older man was about to put him on trial.

"Sir, I was not happy to give up my Lizzy for a year just to entertain the eccentricities of some sickly but wealthy woman. She is much too valuable to her family and to me," the man said with controlled ire. "Yet I was injured, thus agreed. Now she is here, but I will not have her mistreated by the likes of you." Rising from his chair, Mr. Bennet no longer controlled his expression, allowing it to twist to match his ire. It was an expression that paralleled Darcy's own rising emotions at the exchange. "She tells me she rarely sees you, for which I give thanks, but she is a gentlewoman, thus you have no place calling her by her Christian name or assaulting her when she passes you in the hall."

Darcy flinched as he remembered his impulsive little intimacy with Elizabeth in the hallway the day before. How could he know? He had left the man sitting in the study! He had no line of sight to the hallway from where he sat!

Mr. Bennet knew the look of recognition. "Yes, I saw what you did to her, and the mirror reflected how entertained you were with yourself for debasing her so. My wife spoke of you doing something similar while she was here." He looked accusingly at Darcy. "I do not know what you are playing at, sir, but if you are trying to flirt with my daughter, you will find she has too much sense to accept such nonsense from the likes of you," he spat out. "Elizabeth, like the rest of Meryton, heard your insults about her, as well as your insults to the entire village while at the assembly. After such an illustrious beginning,"—he bit out sarcastically—"you proceeded to reinforce your low opinion of us at each subsequent engagement. And as a final salute, you and your friends quit the country, bidding farewell to none of those neighbors who welcomed you into their homes, in spite of your obvious distaste for us all."

In Meryton the man had been dismissive, not garnering much respect from Darcy in return. When Elizabeth was compelled to accept Anne's offer, Darcy had despised Mr. Bennet not only for neglect of his dependents but because that neglect pushed Elizabeth into this blasted secretive arrangement. Now he was hearing that not only did a man such as this despise him, but Elizabeth had likely felt the same way. She obviously could not despise him now, but did she at first? She could not have, he concluded, she flirted with him too often. Unable to reasonably consider Elizabeth's affections in the breakfast room while being confronted by her father, he put the thoughts aside, vowing to speak to her on the subject once the man left.

"Sir …" Darcy started.

But Mr. Bennet was not yet ready to yield the floor, thus put up his hand to silence the younger man. "I understand you will be leaving as soon as your wife is with child, while my Lizzy will remain to support her through the pregnancy. We may not be as wealthy as you are or related to an earl, but we are upstanding members of the gentry. You have no reason to treat Lizzy as anything less than a gentlewoman."

Drawing in a deep breath, Darcy prepared himself to address the man's concerns while maintaining his promise to Elizabeth. Remembering his answer to Georgiana when he mistakenly used Elizabeth's name in the carriage, he felt that a good place to start. "Mr. Bennet. I apologize for using your daughter's Christian name. It was inadvertent. I have become accustomed to Anne referring to her as such. I, in no way, intended to disparage her status at Rosings Park." (1) Darcy nodded his acknowledgment of his inappropriateness. As for the other allegation, Darcy could conjure up no reasonable excuse. He had only one option, no matter how distasteful. He had to perjure himself. "As to the other charge, I have no memory of what you speak, so I am not able to answer your accusation." Lifting himself to his full height and wearing his most serious face, Darcy assured him, "I treat your daughter with nothing but respect, sir. She has become a valuable member of this household."

Mr. Bennet shook his head, wondering how anyone could trust such a haughty man but acknowledged the pledge as he excused himself from the breakfast room. (2)

Elizabeth entered as her father was leaving. Although she had not heard the men's exchange, she could feel the tension heavy in the air between them. She quickly grabbed a few biscuits, before excusing herself to accompany her father on a walk.

Once the Bennets left, Darcy sank into his chair and stared at his plate. He was still angry with himself for his initial slip of the tongue but felt he gave the man a plausible reason. For the other accusations, as injurious as it had been to have the man accuse him of mistreating Elizabeth, he had to acknowledge to himself how comfortable he had become in her presence. Anne and Lady Catherine were right to advise him to stay away from her during the day, and if he did see her, he needed to adopt a mask of indifference and not speak to her. Or touch her. Anne had seen it before they left for Hertfordshire. Thankfully Elizabeth did not stay at Netherfield. I would have betrayed myself the first night!

Then there were Mr. Bennet's even more disturbing accusations. Darcy had insulted Elizabeth, multiple times, as well as all of Meryton at that assembly. He had his reasons at the time, but none excused his grossly offensive behavior. In the end, any of his excuses returned to his feeling of superiority to the rest of the company. Miss Bingley and the Hursts had happily propped up his arrogance, while he allowed, even encouraged, them to continue doing so. Bingley had mentioned his earlier insults to both Elizabeth and her town when asking Darcy to stand with him for his wedding, but being distracted with his own wedding, the arguments between the earl and Lady Catherine, his duties with Elizabeth, and the demands Anne made, Darcy had put it aside and forgotten it.

Elizabeth must know I do not feel that way, he thought again. But being honest with himself, he acknowledged he had felt that way at first. Why else would he have joined Miss Bingley in displaying her acerbic wit the first weeks at Netherfield? Unbeknownst to him at the time, Elizabeth was the type of woman who became more handsome the more you knew of her, unlike the Miss Bingley's of the ton who may be handsome at first glance but have nothing more than looks to offer, promptly becoming tedious. Elizabeth was now the most handsome woman he knew. He would have to speak to her of it, if not tonight then once her father left. (3)

~~~oo0oo~~~

Going on their last morning walk at Rosings, the two Bennets used the time to laugh and tease, but also to discuss home.

"So you are now to be the owner of Longbourn," her father reminded her. "I believe that makes me your steward. Do you have any orders for me to carry out?"

Growing serious, Lizzy looked at her father apprehensively. "Papa, I do. After Jane's wedding, I asked Mary to send me copies of the ledgers, as you know. When I reviewed the past month's spending, Mama is on track to spend a thousand pounds this year, yet she is only to have two hundred and fifty pounds a year according to the estate records. Mary always stays well within her fifty pounds a year, but Kitty and Lydia have both almost exhausted their pin money for the year, yet it is only July. Kitty has spent thirty-five pounds, and Lydia has spent forty. Longbourn will need all of its income for the next few years for improvements needed on a few of the tenant farms. Mr. Davis' barn roof is well worn and will not do for another year. Mr. Stuart needs repairs to his home. Mr. Jones' equipment needs repairs, as it is many years old and quite worn. The bridge over the stream that divides Longbourn and Netherfield needs repair. Mama needs it to be strong so she can go pester… ahem, visit… Jane."

Sighing, Mr. Bennet looked at his daughter penitently. "I should have long ago reined in Mrs. Bennet's spending, but she has always been so insistent that she had not married me to live like a pauper. Each time I capitulated, she became more forceful the next time. I fear the battle that will ensue once I deliver your edict." Then, looking at her with an exaggerated expression of imploring, "Pray for me, Lizzy! When I tell them their pin money for the year is spent, I may not make it out alive!" Becoming more serious, he continued, "Be thankful you will not be there to hear it, but I fear you will receive many entreating letters."

Her father's words stirred fear of another surprise visitor. Elizabeth demanded, "Papa, you must keep Mama at home. Now is the time to live up to this responsibility. You only have three daughters and Mama at Longbourn. I will not have her coming here and humiliating me with her demands for more pin money. If she comes to Rosings Park, I shall not grant her an interview."

Seeing the resolution in Elizabeth's eyes, Mr. Bennet recognized his next few months would be a long overdue ordeal that he dreaded. He could only look forward to his daughter's return, where she could take over responsibility for the finances and endure Mrs. Bennet's assertions of mistreatment with the much greater energy that comes with youth.

~~~oo0oo~~~

The remainder of Mr. Bennet's visit went smoothly. He and Mr. Darcy had no more confrontations. Anne, Lady Catherine, and Georgiana clearly showed their preference for his daughter, much to his favor. Collins was invited over to increase the party and further occupy his attentions.

As Mr. Bennet would have an early morning departure, he bid farewell to the Rosings Park party that evening. After gracious adieus to the women and a tensely formal one to Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bennet warmly approached his daughter.

Not knowing if she would be up before his carriage left, he gave her his parting message now. Putting his forehead to hers, as he had when she was a young child, and resting his hand on her shoulder, he spoke so only she could hear. "My little Lizzy. Although you seem to be doing well here, you are changed. Maybe it is the peace of such a small household, but always know that, no matter what happens, you are much loved. Know that you will always be welcomed back to us."

With that, he kissed his daughter's forehead, promised to carry her love and letters to Longbourn, and bid her goodnight as he retired to the guest wing.

~~~oo0oo~~~

While Elizabeth remained behind for her final farewell to her father, Darcy escorted Anne and Georgiana upstairs. Georgiana, even with her youth and inexperience, felt the tension between her brother and Mr. Bennet but could not understand why. She asked her brother as they walked the stairs while Anne took her lift.

Darcy was obviously irritated, taking a few moments to contemplate an answer. "Mr. Bennet has a different way of approaching his duties than I do," he replied cautiously. "Our differences led us into some quarrelsome behaviors I am not proud to have participated in. However, I did honestly apologize for my misbehaviors, though he appears to not have accepted those apologies."

"Is that why you refrained from speaking to the Gardiners in the carriage?"

Taking a few seconds to comprehend what she spoke of, Darcy denied any animosity toward the Gardiners. "They appeared to be lovely people, quite well bred."

"I thought maybe you were not speaking to them because he is a tradesman, but that did not seem true to your character. I think Elizabeth was insulted by it, she loves them dearly." His sister spoke of these things in all sincerity, not seeing the pain they caused him. "I hope you start to become better friends with her. She is a dear friend to both Anne and me. For her sake, I am sad her father is leaving, but I am glad I will now have more time to spend with her."

They had arrived at Anne's wing. Encouraging Georgiana to go in first, Anne stayed back for a private word with Darcy. "Elizabeth and I will retire at eleven so Georgiana will have naught else to do but retire to her own room at that time. I will meet you in Elizabeth's room after that. We must ensure her father leaves feeling secure that his daughter is well cared for in my home."

Without a word, Darcy bowed then turned to go to the downstairs rooms.

His valet helped him undress and clean, laying out his clothing for the next day. They finished at half past ten. Damn, another half hour before I am allowed back into my own room, he thought.

He lay in his cold and empty other bed, purposefully mussing the bedclothes to look as if he stayed all night. The clock struck a quarter 'til. Tired of waiting, he decided to go up the stairs and see if there were any noises in their room. If not, he would go in and wait for her. If there were noises, he could once again listen to what she and his sister had to say. He doubted it would be anything they would not tell him.

Stealing silently up the stairway in his slippers, he put his ear to the door. He could hear the women in the room. They were not laughing with each other this time, but they seemed to be having a serious conversation. He listened to hear what confidences they shared with each other.

"But why does my brother avoid you?" Georgiana asked.

Because I betray myself in her company, Darcy thought.

"I cannot pretend to know your brother's mind," Elizabeth answered.

What do you mean? You know more about me than any other person, including my family. You know my mind.

"I saw him walk past you, he did not even greet you." Georgiana sounded distressed. "I have never known him to act in the ways I have seen here. He was attentive to you in London."

"I cannot explain anything, I wish I could. He is the only one who can answer such questions. I can only say his behavior in London was unusual. The way he was in the carriage and now—these are the ways I am accustomed to him behaving with me. I am not of your circle. I have family in trade."

What do you mean, you are accustomed to me behaving that way! Every time we are alone, I freely give myself to you. How can this be what you think of me?

"But how can that matter? Bingley is his dearest friend, and he is from trade. My brother said he enjoyed your aunt and uncle's conversation in the carriage—he just could not join the conversation for some reason."

Yes! Thank you, dear sister, defend me! Do not let her believe I think her beneath me.

"Georgiana, you are a dear. Again, I do not pretend to have answers. You must seek them from your brother. However, being from the country, I find myself greatly fatigued. The clock is close to striking eleven, and I need to retire for the evening. We will have all day tomorrow."

Yes, go to bed, little sister. I have some misunderstandings I need to clarify.

"Tomorrow is my brother's birthday. May I show you what I brought to give him?"

Darcy smiled at his sister bringing him a gift, wondering absently what it might be. He heard some scuffling, the clicking of a distant door, and the scuffling return.

"See! Is it not beautiful? It is what he had as a baby. Mrs. Reynolds, our housekeeper at Pemberley, found it for me to give to him for his first child."

He swore he heard Elizabeth smile. "It is lovely. I am sure he will love it. Who would not?"

"I hope he does. Goodnight, Elizabeth."

"Goodnight."

He heard the door close and then heard movement around the room. He assumed it was her preparing for bed. When he heard the mantel clock begin to strike eleven, he opened the door to let himself in.

She looked up at his entering, wearing a sad smile, but stayed in the chair she had moved to. The same chair in which he found her the first night. He sat beside her. This time, he reached out to grasp her hand, thinking upon that first night which now seemed so far in the past. Both sat in silence until Anne let herself in.

"Georgiana has retired for the night," Anne said. "It seemed to go well with your father. Is he satisfied of your good treatment?"

"Yes. He said I seemed changed but leaving home always changes one," Elizabeth answered. "I told him it was because the household is so much smaller and quieter than my own."

"I now see why you are close to your father," Anne grinned. "He has an unusual sense of humor much like your own. You are a softer version of him."

"Hah!" Mr. Darcy scoffed. "Elizabeth is nothing like her father."

Raising an eyebrow at him in bemusement, Elizabeth told him, "You might be the only person who has ever said that."

"Darcy," Anne warned him. "I said a softer version. You did none of us any favors by arguing with the man."

Rising to defend himself, Mr. Darcy stared pointedly at Anne. "What was I to do? I had no warning he was here, then to have the man attack me!" Calming himself, he continued, "I did apologize to him for the first encounter, but at breakfast today he accused me of mistreating Elizabeth! He was quite determined to abuse me."

"He does seem to bear a grudge against you. Why?" Anne inquired.

While Mr. Darcy fumed and sat back down into his chair, Elizabeth looked smugly to the floor. She knew why her father bore him ill will. Anyone in Meryton could answer that question. It was for the way he had treated the residents of the small town. It was for what he had said about her.

"He mentioned a few incidents from the time I spent in Meryton," Mr. Darcy begrudgingly admitted.

Elizabeth could not lift her face, she could well imagine what her father said to Mr. Darcy. Her father had not particularly disliked Mr. Darcy in Meryton, just held no respect for him and considered him no more than many other men of great wealth.

Anne looked suspiciously at Mr. Darcy. "What incidents?"

Mr. Darcy scowled in frustration. Elizabeth saw it as she lifted her eyes but kept her head down to hide her expressions as Anne demanded he admit his rudeness. Mr. Darcy continued to scowl but not answer.

Anne looked at Elizabeth. "You know what he did. Tell me."

Elizabeth inhaled deeply to remove the grin from her face before looking up. Seeing Mr. Darcy sitting in the chair like a petulant child, Elizabeth thought, Maybe he needs his Ben Key, which did nothing to help her quelch her amusement.

Anne looked at Elizabeth more closely. "Tell me. What did Darcy do?" Anne glanced back at Mr. Darcy in irritation.

Elizabeth again took a few deep breaths to regain control before she trusted herself to speak.

"I insulted her," Mr. Darcy spat out in disgust, motioning toward Elizabeth. "I was in a foul mood, and Bingley contrived to force me into attending a country assembly. I could contrive a thousand reasons for why I said what I did, but not one excuses my rudeness." Rising from the chair, running a hand through his hair, he went to a window to look out at the half moon.

Anne watched him. "What did you say?" Darcy refused to turn around or answer, so Anne turned to Elizabeth. "What did he say? It must have been serious." When Elizabeth paused, Anne became angry. "Tell me what he said. I am sure it was some arrogance on his part."

As much as Elizabeth initially enjoyed his redress, she felt only pity for him now. She would have relished throwing his words back in his face a few months ago, but now she felt sorrow for the man. Without embellishing or mocking his voice or gloating, any of the things she would have done but a few months before, she quietly told Anne, "He said something about it being a punishment to stand up with any woman beyond those of his party, about his not wanting to give consequence to women slighted by other men, he said my sister was the only handsome girl in the room, and that I was not handsome enough to tempt him."

Mr. Darcy looked to the floor with a hand holding his head.

To repeat his words, with him in the room, while she watched his shame, had once been a source of amusement for Elizabeth. It would be a way to injure his pride as he had so injured hers. But now she felt no joy in watching him suffer, only compassion for the man whose world was so confined that he would not befriend any outside his small party. How sad it would be to reject meeting new people only because you felt yourself superior and them untrustworthy. Her grandmother Bennet once told her any time she walked with two others, she could learn from one. (4) This man was denying himself the depth of knowledge and understanding gained by community with others of different positions, as well as making himself miserable by choosing to reject the company surrounding him.

"Darcy," Anne stated evenly. "You can be such a dilberry." (5)

"I know," Mr. Darcy quietly replied, still studying the toes of his boots.

"You need to stay in your own room tonight," Anne instructed. "Elizabeth and I must speak more on this."

Mr. Darcy looked up at Elizabeth, his countenance one of regret and deep sadness. He turned away as he moved toward the door. He gave one last look toward her before he left the room.

Mr. Darcy, awash in misery, did not continue down the stairs to rooms below, as was expected of him, but stayed to listen.

Once he closed the door behind him, Anne began speaking to Elizabeth. "I had no way of knowing he had been so insulting to you, Elizabeth. It explains much about the way you responded to my offer. You did not care for him, did you?"

Elizabeth carefully considered what she would say, knowing Mr. Darcy had listened to her from behind a door in the past and not having heard any footsteps after the door closed. "Mr. Darcy did little to make himself welcome in Meryton. I was first injured by his comments, but then went on to laugh about them with my friends."

"You did not care for him when you arrived in Kent, did you?" Anne would be answered.

"No. I did not," Elizabeth answered.

Anne sat silently, considering for a few minutes before she asked, "And how do you feel about him now?"

Good question. One I ask myself frequently. "He is very kind in the bedroom, but much the same in other places." It was prevaricating, but Elizabeth did not want to insult Anne's cousin, or who may well be at the door. "I have been told by more than one person he intends to remove himself once there is a child. It is why my family believes me to be here: to help you once he goes back to town."

Anne considered this new information. After spending four months in close company with her, Elizabeth could see she was working through the unexpected illumination and determining the best way to incorporate it into her ploy. The frustration Anne felt was apparent on her face. This was not something she had expected, and it obviously went against what she had planned.

"Do you wish for him to leave after you conceive?" Anne asked cautiously.

No. I do not, she thought but did not feel she had the freedom to say it. "I have no control over his decisions. My purpose here is to be at the whims of you and your family."

A look of satisfaction crossed Anne's face. "That does not answer my question, but I will give you time. I have no wish for you to make a rash decision. Have a night alone. You will have to resume tomorrow, but for tonight consider how you feel toward him. Your feelings will decide what we do once we know with certainty you have taken, once it quickens."

Elizabeth bowed her head in agreement, as Anne let herself out of the room. Mr. Pryce must have told her. I wonder if Mr. Darcy also knows?

Elizabeth went to bed in confusion and despair. How did she feel about Mr. Darcy? It was complicated. It was simple. She loved the man in her bedroom but despised the other one. How could she explain that to Anne?

Thinking on Mr. Darcy led her to think about what he said earlier. He argued with her father again that morning. Why would he go against his promise?

Her head began to ache as tears once again streamed down her cheeks. What had she done to herself by agreeing to help this family? She had never experienced such upheaval to her sensibilities, never cried so often, as she had here at Rosings Park. Yes, she would end up with wealth, but she had to wonder if the rewards were worth the damage her sentiments were undergoing. As she sat in her bed, she gave release to her confusion. When her handkerchief was soaked, she went to get a damp cloth to wash her face. Returning to her bed, she held the rag to her face to cool the stains the tears left on her cheeks.

She was not surprised but relieved when she felt him move into the bed next to her and gather her in his arms. "Anne wanted you to stay downstairs room tonight."

"Is that what you want?" he asked.

Waiting a moment, she answered honestly, "No."

Releasing his breath, he sighed, "Good." Relaxing into a more comfortable position, he started what he needed to say. "I am sorry I said such awful things when I first entered your society. I have no reason except I am an arrogant and selfish man." He lowered his head onto hers. "My parents taught me to be better, but instead I chose pride and conceit." He sat quietly, holding her. "I hope you know I do not believe such things now."

"When we were in London, you said you had dreamed of me in your bed since you first met me. It confused me because before that I believed your words. Once you said that, I did not know what to believe. You confuse me still."

"You are confused by me? Ask what confounds you. Let me explain myself."

So many confusing things about the man! Which one should she ask first? There was only one. "Why are you so kind to me in here, but when we are out of this wing you look upon me with contempt?"

She could hear him inhale quickly. Rubbing his cheek upon her hair, he assured her, "When I look upon you, contempt is the furthest thing from my mind. I try to restrain myself from showing my admiration for you. Lady Catherine took me aside after the"—he cleared his throat—"incident in the library. She warned me to avoid you and not speak, or even smile when I see you. She worried the servants would get ideas and start untoward gossip. Before we left for Hertfordshire, Anne advised me how comfortable I had become with you. She told me to stay away from you in public, to not even speak to you with others around because I would betray myself." Chuckling softly, he added, "She was right. After we had left the Gardiner's, I used your Christian name in front of Georgiana and had to create an explanation." He shifted a bit, kissing her head again.

"Is that why you remained silent during the carriage ride?"

"Going to London I was nervous. I was concerned about keeping our meetings in Hertfordshire undetected, as well as what would happen in London with you staying in my house. I began to see my error in placing you in the room next to Georgiana, but it was too late to change it. You only looked out the window. I could not tell how you felt." He brought his hand to her face, running his thumb down her forehead to the tip of her nose, where he began to trace small circles. "If you had spoken, I might have been reassured. Between London and Hertfordshire, I feared I could not speak without your aunt and uncle knowing of my admiration. I must admit to enjoying their conversation immensely, even if I could not participate. You may remember I spoke on the return trip from London, but you were becoming ill."

"The way you behave outside of this wing is only an act? You do not despise me? You put on a convincing display," Elizabeth assured him, lightening the conversation a bit.

She could feel him smile. "It is a show done to protect you. I must admit, I am not much of an actor. I could never feign the intimacies we have shared. I have not even feigned indifference as well as I should. If I had, your father would be less angry with me." He pulled away slightly to try to see her face in the dark. "I have made many mistakes. Calling you Elizabeth. He saw when I nudged you in the hall, though I am not sure how. At breakfast, I inadvertently told him you were not feeling well. So you see, in just the few short days he was here and as much as I tried to avoid you, I could not help but betray my affe… comfort with you."

That he might inadvertently reveal their intimacy was something Elizabeth had never considered. It did explain the actions of Outside Mr. Darcy. But if this is the true Mr. Darcy, what did that mean for her? Now she had no reason to despise the man, and there would be nothing to contain her heart.

This made it more difficult to answer the question Anne had wanted her to answer: Did she want Mr. Darcy to leave?

Anne likely knew she had conceived, so he may leave as early as the next day. No. He could not leave before his sister, so he would remain until the end of the next week. She would have at least that much time with him to decide.

"You do not feel I am merely tolerable?"

"I think Moliere described it as 'Beauty without intelligence is like a hook without bait.' You are the rare jewel who becomes more beautiful with intimacy."

Should she ask? Her father would tell her not to ask the question if she could not bear the answer. He also said 'if you are going to be stupid, you better be tough.' (6) Was she tough? Maybe before, but she certainly seemed to have lost her resiliency. Or maybe it was since becoming pregnant? She had never factored this part into the agreement. In nothing more than a whisper, she decided it was better for her to know now than to extend her misery, so she asked, "How do you feel about me?"

He waited a moment. She could tell he was carefully choosing his words. "I have no wish to be without you." He began stroking her hair. "Your father told me I am expected to leave once the heir is conceived but I have no wish to be absent. My own father was heavily involved in my upbringing. How am I to be a good father if I am not with my child from the start?" he wondered before going silent. "Anne said it is likely you are now with child. Is that so?" he asked quietly.

"Mrs. Wilson said without a doubt. Either I suffer from some major illness, or I am pregnant, some ladies consider them one in the same, is what she told me," Elizabeth recounted to him, trying to lift the tone of their conversation before she once again began weeping. Now that she knew the man beside her was the man in truth, how would she ever bear his leaving her? It was too much for her to think upon without her sensibilities being overwhelmed.

She could hear his voice respond in kind, he must be grinning as he spoke. "I now need to attend when Mr. Pryce and Mrs. Wilson examine you, how else am I to ensure the health of my heir?" He pulled her closer so they were lying next to each other in the bed.

There was one more question she had, but it was too late for her to ask it now. She convinced herself it mattered not. She already knew the answer, so it would only cause her pain to hear it from his lips. They would be together until the child was born, then go their separate ways.

He pulled her back against his chest, with one arm wrapped around her chest and the other draped across her body, his hand rubbing a circle on her belly. In barely a whisper, so light it felt as if she was hearing his thoughts, she heard, "Now we are joined as one."

~~~oo0oo~~~

(1) I've used the word disparage here. The word originally came when the guardian of a young noblewoman married her off to someone of a lesser rank thus lowering her own rank in society. The 'parage' part of the word is cognate with 'peer' – meaning they come from the same root word. (From the podcast History of the English Language.) Just an interesting tidbit.

(2) Just so you know, I have Darcy refer to Mr. Bennet as "that man" or "the man" quite often to illustrate how he doesn't really think of Mr. Bennet as an equal or even a man deserving of respect. Not sure if it works or not, but that's what I'm trying for.

(3) I know FF loves to make excuses for Darcy's initial comment and make Darcy both dislike and completely unlike Caroline Bingley, but in canon, he's right there with Caroline and Louisa making rude remarks about the town in general and the Bennets in particular. He only stops after a few weeks of getting to know EB. I've always thought Caroline Bingley was shocked when Elizabeth came to Netherfield partly because she thought she and Darcy were going to have fun skewering the little country girl but suddenly Darcy decided not to join her. I'm acknowledging that part of the book rather than go with traditional FF.

(4) Confucius said this. "When I walk along with two others, I can learn from one."

(5) Dilberry = Small pieces of excrement adhering to the hairs near the fundament. (I think the term is funny because we always called them dingleberries in my area, little pieces of poop hanging on to butt hairs.) I wanted her to call him an ass but could not find the equivalency in Regency speak.

(6) Both of these sayings are real. The first is one I was told while growing up and still hear once in a while, although I think it's better to address issues head-on rather than ignore them. Then I can feel the pain, get it over with, and move on instead of drawing things out. The other saying "if you're going to be stupid, you better be tough" came from some tough old geezers. It was a popular saying among machinists who worked in heavy industrial settings. They would say that while they held up a hand with missing fingers. Scared the crap out of me the first time one of them did it. I was young, maybe five or six. It made an impression.