A warning for the readers: "Someday You'll Learn to LoveMe" earns its "Teen" designation here, if it hasn't for the violence already. Don't worry, nothing happens actually, but tension gets ramped up really hard, really fast when Izaya veers into forbidden areas (but doesn't actually commit to them). Despite that, the manipulative dynamic might be too much for some people. Also, the graphic content of the language ramps up accordingly. If you are sensitive at all, please proceed cautiously!
Characters: Shizuo Heiwajima, Izaya Orihara, Ren Tsuruga, Kyoko Mogami, "Moko" Kanae Kotonami, Okusan
Chapter 12: In Which LoveMe Embarks On An Impossible Task
It was impossible, impossible, impossible. And they had to do it.
Shizuo simply boggled at the idea of asking Izaya to attend a yoga session with him. It would not work to ask directly. If Izaya knew that was what his assignment was, Shizuo guessed that he would refuse out of spite because Shizuo hadn't thought of something cleverer. So Shizuo would have to approach Izaya as if there was something else the director had asked him to do. That required cunning, which Izaya held in abundance but Shizuo did not.
In the meantime, it couldn't hurt to start taking the yoga lessons as if he had meant to all along anyway. He found the schedule and went when it was time. To his surprise he found Ren Tsuruga there, as well.
Tsuruga regarded him sardonically.
"You do this often?" Shizuo wondered out loud.
Tsuruga shook his head. "No, I'm too busy. I have an unusually long break between jobs, however—that's just how the schedule worked out—so Yashiro-san dumps me here whenever I have the time. He says I need to work out." His expression suddenly turned wry. "But at least I get to see Mogami-san afterwards, most days. As a reward."
"I thought it was eating you don't have time for, as I heard from Mogami-san," Shizuo said.
Tsuruga's mouth twitched in a half-smile. "That too. Mogami-san is still working right now, isn't she? So then—"
Shizuo nodded. "I would be, also, but I have an assignment from the President, so I'm counting it as part of my work."
Tsuruga groaned. "Oh!—I see. Good luck. Then you must be— That man's the worst..."
"You can say that?"
"We have a long history."
Shizuo shook his head.
"Don't worry, it gets better." Tsuruga smiled like a shark. "Once he's ironed you flat."
"Of what?"
"Anything. Blind spots, working problems. That sort of thing. You'll be fine once the well-intentioned torture is over. And then he'll really put you to work."
"Did you feel like it helped?"
Tsuruga stopped and considered. "For the most part, once it was over." Once he starts staring into space, however, there's a dark, brooding edge to his expression that says there is more to the story.
"It's something to look forward to, I suppose," said Shizuo.
"Shall we get down to business?"
"Yes, that woman over there is going to pair us up. You're lucky; it's a good day to start. The boy-band dancers all came in today. Most days it's all women."
Shizuo screwed his eyes shut.
"Yes," said Tsuruga, looking unhappy but gratified that someone else was about to experience his pain. "But you get used to it."
"I am going to die," Shizuo muttered. The truth is, his mind is not on the wide field of women so much as it is on the thought of himself and Izaya being the only two men in the room.
Tsuruga, though he didn't have a clue as to the source of Shizuo's dread, had the grace to look sympathetic.
Izaya didn't know the first place to start. He could just ask, he supposed, but somehow he didn't think Shizuo would be much inclined to discuss his assignment, much less work with him.
Moko noticed he was working slowly than usual as he worked on the problem. She hadn't interfered with Izaya in the past, but this might be different. He looked preoccupied, but not particularly upset or dangerous. In fact, his behavior was positively mellow for him.
It might be time to find out what was wrong. As they were switching tasks, Moko decided to catch his attention. "Ooooi. Ooooi," Moko called, flapping her hands.
"What?" Izaya turned around, mop in hand.
"Is something going on?"
Izaya carefully lay the mop to the side. "Not really."
Moko shrugged. "Okay, I won't pry if you want to play that way, but I think something's up with you. Maybe you can tell me about it. It's interfering with your work, so..."
"Sure," Izaya said cautiously.
"Why don't we talk about it after work? Do you like noodles?" Moko asked.
"Of course."
"Then I know a good cheap place. I'll take you there, so just focus on your work now, okay? We should get done early if we can."
"Alright," says Izaya, somewhat bemused.
Moko took Izaya to Darumaya, the inn where Kyoko stayed. It was not the kind of place Izaya usually went to, but it was interesting—a surprisingly high quality place disguised by a humble family atmosphere.
"So, what's the problem?" Moko wasted no time.
"I have this assignment..." Izaya replied reluctantly.
"From the president?"
"Yeah."
"Of course. I should have known." Moko sighed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Tell me about it. There's got to be something we can do to work it out."
"The assignment is, I'm supposed to ask Shizuo to help me with a skit to be performed at a hospital. And everyone has to smile. I have a time limit."
"I see. You came into the section with that guy, but you don't actually get along with him, do you?" Moko rested her elbow on the table and propped her chin up on one hand.
Izaya shrugged. "You could say that."
"He's not a bad person," said Moko.
"I...I know that," said Izaya, uneasily. There was no good way to respond to that. I pushed our relationship in that direction on purpose. Although I am not sure we would have ever been friends if I had just been myself...
"Are you worried about asking him to do something for you, or the skit itself? I probably can't give you wonderful advice about the former, but the latter... I've memorized many of those quick scripts as I worked my way through the acting classes. I should be able to come up with something."
"I do need help with both," Izaya admitted, leaning forward on one elbow. "But it's true, I don't know what kind of thing makes people laugh. I certainly can't think of anything we could do together to do that."
Moko hummed and frowned. "I see. Let me think about it." She steepled her fingers and closed her eyes. "You want something comedic but easy, right?" she murmured. "It's going to be difficult enough because of who you're performing it with. Unless we could harness your natural relationship with something to make it funny..."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," said Izaya uneasily. It was probably not a good idea to go around fighting amid a hospital and trashing the delicate equipment.
Moko waved her hand as if erasing a thought. "No, no, it's contained within the script. If you are both professional enough to recognize that, nothing too terrible will happen. And if you're surrounded by fragile people, well. All the more reason to restrain yourselves." She waved her index finger in tiny circles. "Something easy," she muttered. "That anyone can do." Suddenly she blinked. "Ha, I got it!"
"What?"
"It's actually not that hard. Here's the catch: it's a broken script," she told him.
"I don't get it." Izaya crossed his arms and frowned.
"There are flaws in it that defeat the purpose of the piece, which is to make people laugh. You'll need to fix it. But I believe the element you need to make it right is one that you and Izaya already possess. Because of the way you'll have to interpret it to suit yourselves."
"I don't understand..."
"I'll try to explain." Moko became thoughtful. "I've done it before—sort of. I was actually watching Kyoko, when I first got to know her. She once changed the entire emotional energy of a script without changing a single line, just juggling the order a little and changing the way she said the lines."
Izaya blinked.
"But the play I am thinking about, The Gangway, the way the piece is written isn't that great. I've always thought it had potential but to this day I haven't seen it effectively pulled off. Most performances I've seen of it are melodramas. They make the actors laugh a lot, which utterly ruins it." Moko rolled her eyes. "Amateurs. They just won't take it seriously. If you approach it with a different emotion in mind, you can change it to something serious and dramatic, and funny in a bitter, sarcastic, tragic way. The contrast will be better and more effective. Or perhaps it's the other way around: humor insulates the watcher from the darkness of the story, allowing it to bring up and address deeper pain than usual. Either way I think it could work."
Izaya was immediately interested. "What does it entail?"
"A couple of props and costumes. You'll be playing the roles of two pirates."
"Pirates," Izaya said incredulously. "And the title is Gangway?"
She nodded. "Yes."
Izaya frowned. "All right. It's just, it doesn't seem like quite the right play for a hospital..."
"You'll have to prime the patients with other skits," Moko answered.
"How would you envision presenting them?"
Moko waved her hand. "Show a variety. In fact, you don't have to do everything; Kyoko and I and another girl could put on the play I was talking about earlier with very little effort... We can ask some other performers to put something easy together. I'm sure that's what the President had in mind in the end, anyway. Where was that boy band I saw the other day? They love doing weird stuff like this. Their manager is a hoot." Moko drummed her knuckles on the table, rapped them once, then stopped. "Actually, the play may go over better than you expect."
"How do you mean?"
"You guys will be last, because it will be the most powerful performance if it works, and the gentle let-down if it doesn't. You won't understand until you read it. Patients who are undergoing a lot of pain will see themselves in it, or escape from their situation through the humor."
"Self-identification," Izaya summarized.
"Yes," said Moko.
This was a theory addressing a part of human nature that Izaya had not considered influencing before. He never paid much attention to the classics or to literature. He had probably always known about this method of influencing people, but had dismissed it out of hand. Now, though, he had to admit that in this context it was worth considering.
Izaya drummed his fingers on the table. "I would like to look into it. And if you could organize those other groups you mentioned..."
"Yes, of course." Moko smiled. "Does that take things off your mind?"
Izaya nodded.
Moko said, "Good luck with Heiwajima-san," and was about to say something else when she broke off, seeing someone over Izaya's shoulder. The door tinkled. Kyoko stepped through the doors. Within a few seconds, her expression transformed from slight worry and weariness to one of faint shock.
For a minute, none of them said anything. Moko held her breath.
"Tsu-tsu-tsuruga-san told me he t-talked to you," Kyoko stuttered at last, directing her words to Izaya.
"Good evening." Izaya rose to go, but Moko tugged on his sleeve and he sat back down. "I made it clear to Tsuruga-san that I'm not interested in you, so..." He looked at Moko questioningly.
"Don't leave yet. You haven't even eaten anything," she muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
Kyoko didn't move any nearer to them. "If you're not interested in me, then what is your motivation? For joining LoveMe?"
Izaya tried to brush her off. "Fame and fortune." Moko elbowed him in the side hard enough to make him wheeze.
Kyoko looked unhappy with his answer, but she plonked her bag on the table and sat down across from them, glancing uneasily towards the bar where her landlords, Taisho and Okusan, worked.
"Orihara-san," Moko commanded, "If you respect me as your coworker at all, level with her. I don't keep dumb friends." Moko drilled him with her hard gaze until he looked away.
After another moment, Izaya locked eyes with Kyoko. "You want to know my reason? Escape."
In a small voice, Kyoko said, "Okay." If he explained a little more, she thought she might be able to understand.
"You could say I'm in exile right now. But I'll be back." Izaya's eyes turned blacker with a hunger that had nothing to do with his gut. "I am not going to return until the day when nobody can stop me."
"I—I see." The declaration struck her as unnervingly similar to the revenge she swore on Sho. Kyoko looked towards her landlords again. Okusan came over, and asked them, "Is everything all right? These are friends of yours, aren't they, Kyoko-chan?"
"Yes, just fine..." Kyoko forced herself to smile. "This is Kanae Kotonami, remember, you know I always call her Moko—and this is Izaya Orihara. They're both my coworkers at LME."
Izaya dropped the aura of heavy intensity and donned an innocent, cheery smile, which he beamed at the proprietress.
"Ah!" Okusan lit up. "I've heard so much about you! Is there anything you would like to eat? It's on the house!"
After all the discussion, they had forgotten about dinner entirely. Moko and Izaya picked up their menus and ordered something. Kyoko didn't even glance at the menu before she stated her request.
Okusan smiled, bowed, and ducked into the kitchen. She had a knowing glimmer to her eyes that said that she was taking a healthy interest in the proceedings on Kyoko's behalf, and was therefore listening closely. She would do anything to facilitate the conversation.
At the moment, Kyoko was none too grateful for that, but it didn't do to disappoint Okusan. So she turned her attention back to Izaya and forced herself to ask, "What now?"
"Now…well, before you walked in, Moko and I were just discussing my first LoveMe assignment," said Izaya.
"Oh." Kyoko's face blanked.
"I require assistance. Moko and I have realized that while I can technically complete my assignment by myself, in order to be effective, more input would be beneficial," said Izaya, looking cool. "Moko says you rewrote a play to make it more effective."
Kyoko blinked. "Yes, I did," she said cautiously, but she was also a bit surprised.
"I was wondering..." Izaya paused, "If you would lend your services in performing the play with your partner Moko, and helping me direct the play Heiwajima and myself would be performing in."
Kyoko looked at Moko, who gave her a slight nod. "Um...yes, sure," Kyoko agreed, wondering if perhaps she had been expected to say something else.
Moko smiled a little, and nudged Izaya.
"Thank you," said Izaya to Kyoko.
"You're welcome," Moko said to Izaya, sounding amused. Kyoko stared at Moko.
Kyoko leaned forward. "What's going on?" she hissed.
"Shh!" Moko glanced quickly at Okusan, which was a mistake, because she caught her eye perked up. "Trust me, please?" she said, slightly aggrieved. She hadn't meant to attract more attention.
"Just what are you trying to do here?" Kyoko whispered harshly.
"Nothing! I just—" Moko glanced quickly at Izaya. "This is something I feel that we have to do! As LoveMe members."
Kyoko sat back. "Fine." She scowled and glared at Moko. "Tell us about yourself, Orihara-san!" she said, not looking at him at all.
"But that's such an open request! Why don't you ask me something specific?" Izaya said lazily.
Kyoko's eyes narrowed. Time to get down to the root of the problem. "What do you know about spirits?"
"Spirits?" Izaya raised an eyebrow. "Just spirits? What about denizens of the night? Creatures of the shadow? Myths, legends, ghosts, immortals? And that's what you pick? Spirits are dead boring."
"You did something to me and you knew what you were doing!" Kyoko growled.
"Well, I don't know everything," Izaya drawled. "But I do know a little. I wasn't sure of the exact specifics in your case, but it all worked out fine according to my estimation. You must have had some kind of mental trauma. But all's well that ends well: you got your blue spirit back. Wouldn't you agree? Or would you like to hear about what else I've seen?"
"And what could that be?" Kyoko asked dangerously.
"I know of a company that specializes in matters of the otherworld that calls itself Nebula. I know of a woman who lost her head, and lived, who calls herself a Dullahan and is known as the legend of the Black Rider in Ikebukuro. I know of a few were-creatures. I know of a girl who is possessed by a cursed sword of obsessive love by the name of Saika, and the children of her sword form a hive mind that she controls. There are immortal, ordinary beings who have not aged a day since they drank a sinister potion under the supervision of an alchemist who did not know what he was dealing with. I know of a man with preternatural strength—him you already know. That is about the sum of what I know. You, Kyoko-chan, are the least of the strangeness."
Kyoko glared at him. "So you don't bother with me anymore because I don't have the power to do harm, and you don't want anything from me."
"I'm glad you see. You're only a danger to yourself," Izaya said, now smiling so cheerfully, eyes closed. "I don't have to do anything."
"How charming." Kyoko scowled at him.
Izaya shrugged.
"Have we cleared the air yet?" asked Moko, slightly irritated. Kyoko was angry and Izaya was unrepentant. "Focus. I wanted to talk to this punk" —Moko reached forward to flick his forehead and Izaya actually flinched— "because he got a LoveMe assignment from President Lory and he had no one to talk about it."
Kyoko pressed her lips together. Izaya set back.
"Think, Kyoko. If President Lory gets wind that the LoveMe team can't cooperate, it will just make things worse for us," Moko said, exasperated. "So let's beat him at his own game."
Kyoko nodded fractionally.
"All right? Are you ready to hear what we're going to do about this?" Moko demanded.
They both nodded, looking at the table.
"Right. So, we've decided that if Izaya has to present a play with Heiwajima-san to make people smile, it's going to be the pirate play the Gangway." Moko looked at Kyoko intently to see if she remembered it.
Kyoko rubbed her cheek and considered. Then she groaned. "Oh, that one?"
"Yeah, the acting school one."
"It's always absolutely awful!"
"But it doesn't have to be, that's the thing."
Kyoko's eyes glanced to the side. When she returned to the present, she was glum. "True, that. But it's not an amateur feat. You think they can pull it off?"
"If you're directing," said Moko.
"What? I've never directed before!"
"There's a first time for everything. You remember that play you fixed for Maria?"
"Yeah?"
"You have excellent interpretation skills. All you have to do is collaborate with me to explain to us how each scene should be acted and why—what the purpose of the scene is, and so forth. I know you can make sense of it."
Kyoko twisted a strand of her hair, thinking. "It's true that I thought I could do a better job of it when I saw it acted, and I would like to try my hand at directing for once, but aren't you just flattering me? It's got to be harder than it looks."
Moko shook her head, her expression serious.
"Fine," said Kyoko, sighing and running her fingers through her short orange hair, "but you're going to need to keep those two in line. While I'm filming Beauty and the Beast I'm not going to have the energy to yell."
Moko nodded. "Fair enough. This is your first time to play a real ojousama, isn't it?"
Kyoko smiled mistily. "Yeah. I can't wait..." In less than a minute she was lost to the world.
Filming this as a romance against Tsuruga-san is probably going to be much more difficult than she thinks, thought Moko. Ah well. It can't be helped. She'll probably panic in the middle, but everything will be fine. She cleared her throat."Kyoko! Earth to Kyoko!"
"Huh?"
"They need a supporting act, too. Would you like to do Maria's play with me and her again? It's short, that's why I ask. Or is it too much?"
Kyoko shook her head. "No, we can rehearse that very quickly. We all know it by heart, anyway. You want me to ask Maria?"
Moko nodded.
"Okay." Kyoko slipped back into her daydreams again.
Izaya looked at Moko. "Any ideas about how to approach Shizuo?"
Moko shook her head. "No, you know him best. If you think I can help, though, you can ask me and I'll think about it."
Izaya nodded. "I'll do that." Okusan came to the table with the food and Izaya leaned back to let her place the platter in front of him, and then all of the others.
"Itadakimasu..."
"So, Izaya, do you have a girlfriend?" asked Moko. "I hear you muttering about someone-or-other occasionally, but it certainly wasn't about Shizuo Heiwajima."
"Do you think someone as deliberately cold and cruel as I could humor a girlfriend?" Izaya asked sarcastically. "No, it's just my secretary."
"What?"
"I bought out her old company. She's working as a chemist for an experimental lab right now, but she lives in my apartment and does housework and so on."
Moko immediately felt sorry for the poor woman. "What's her name?"
"Namie Yagiri."
Yes, so she had heard the name before, probably in a newspaper article somewhere. "So...if you're rich enough to buy out a company and hire a secretary, why...?"
"I prefer to leave some things as mysteries, Kotonami-san," said Izaya darkly, and left it at that.
Kyoko bent only slightly to speak to the girl whose head only reached slightly above her waist. Maria hated being treated like a child; she was now a fifth-grader.
"Maria-chan, do you remember that play I acted in for you and your grandfather Lory with the LME acting school?"
"The acting school?" Maria was temporarily confused. "Oh, wait. I remember...didn't they challenge you to do something?"
"Yeah. And that's when the President and I helped you realize that your father loved you, right?" Kyoko asked, just to make sure.
"Yes..." said Maria, looking faintly bewildered and worried. "Is something wrong?"
"I was, um, wondering if you could locate the scripts for that play... I can't remember what its name was..."
"What? Why's that?"
Kyoko bit her lip. "Something came up. One of the LoveMe members needs help on an assignment."
"Sure, I'll help. Do you want the old play scripts or the revised ones? Do you need anything else?"
"The revised one, please. And, well, you don't have to if you don't want to, but I thought maybe you would like to play the little sister again? Moko and I are also playing in it, you see..."
"Really? I'd love to! When are you practicing? I've got it memorized by heart, but you know—"
"That's great," said Kyoko, smiling. "We'd love to have you."
"So who's organizing it? When's it happening? Are there any other plays going on?"
"It's happening in a month or so at a local hospital. So far we're meeting on Thursdays at five. Izaya Orihara is organizing it... We're thinking there will be an act from that new boy band, and then there's our act, and finally there's Heiwajima-san and Orihara-san acting out Gangway!"
Maria pulled a sick-looking face. "That play? Ugh. I hope they don't ruin it. I know it's supposed to be a comedy, but..." Maria's expression was one of unease.
"It's not funny?" Kyoko guessed.
"Yeah. I mean, I'm young and innocent, so I didn't understand everything, but it wasn't very funny ha-ha, and it was rather...offensive."
"I know, but Moko suggested it...and she memorizes scripts."
"Then she must have a plan," said Maria, but she still seemed a little gloomy. "I guess we'll see. I mean, maybe the script was actually okay..."
"Maybe it's a test?"
"It's a pretty steep test," muttered Maria.
Kyoko didn't think her partner was above setting up difficult tests, though she didn't believe she would set up a coworker to fail. "I guess it'll be a challenge, huh?" said Kyoko, smiling painfully.
"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I'll help any way I can!" Maria brightened. "Our play is going to be great. And I'll be your test audience for the Gangway, if you want." She scrunched her face. "But only once."
"Okay," said Kyoko. "Thanks a lot! See you on Thursday!"
"See you," said Maria. "Good luck!"
It was a week after they had received their assignments. Neither of them could come up with a single way to coerce the other to help them with their assignment. They were stuck.
Shizuo had one idea. He was pretty sure it was not going to work, but he had to try. Over the course of the week he had become convinced that if he did not ask Izaya by the end of it, he would never work up the courage to confront him at all. So he told himself that today was the day. And he waited, his guts twisted into knots and tried to breathe. He kept his hands loosely fisted at his sides. Izaya had to move first...
Izaya folded his clothes and placed them in the locker, shutting it with a clang, and moved towards the exit. For a breathless moment Shizuo found himself unable to move to stop him. Time slowed and Shizuo leapt in front of the door and stopped him, heart hammering, and kept his eyes on the bare concrete floor so he wouldn't lose his resolve. Finally he looked up.
Izaya had kept his head level. He gazed straight ahead at Shizuo's pink, badged chest blocking the door, and clenched his fists at his sides. Izaya's lips thinned, the only change in his expression. He was always kept himself under perfect control.
The words rumbled deep in Shizuo's throat, so hardly moved his lips. "We need something from each other."
"I need to exit this locker room," said Izaya icily, without raising his voice. This was a direct breach of the way communication worked between them at work, the rules that allowed them to turn a blind eye to each other. Regardless of how necessary it was Izaya didn't like it and he didn't have to act like Shizuo had done him a favor.
Shizuo lifted his chin, but not enough to meet Izaya's eyes. "I can't let you leave."
Izaya sneered. "Face it, Shizzy-chan, you need me more than I need you."
Shizuo's muscles drew taught with tension. The shadows in the room seemed to grow darker as he made himself larger.
Izaya would not step back. "Convince me," he spat. "Tell me why I can't leave whenever I want. Sure, the game was fun, but in the end? I can quit and leave you in the dust. Tell me what you're going to do to make me do what you want, and give you what you need." Izaya raised his eyes, black as smoke and coal, to Shizuo's. "You have nothing on me. You cannot beat me, you cannot assault me, and you cannot trick me into playing the President's game with you. There is no guile in you and you know it. Get out of my way." He pressed closer.
"No," Shizuo rasped.
"Then what?" Izaya snarled. "Do your worst!"
Shizuo stood in front of the door in stony silence.
An idea occurred to him and Izaya began to laugh. "Shizuo, you can't keep that up. The girls will think something's up and come for us."
A red flush crept up Shizuo's neck, but he would not leave.
Izaya saw his weakness and went for it. "I mean seriously, what will they think?" Izaya said, chuckling. "That we'll prove all of Erica's pet theories right, I suppose. She thinks I haven't heard!"
Despite himself, Shizuo backed up a half-step, until he was just an inch away from the door.
Izaya planted his hand on Shizuo's chest and leaned in. "This really is the most appalling shade of pink for debauchery…" he whispered, taking hold of Shizuo's collar. Shizuo held his ground, but just barely. Izaya's breath tickled Shizuo's throat. "What kind of line would Erica have me say? 'I could take you, right here, right now if I pleased. And you would let me.' " Izaya laughed, and Shizuo felt his hand move—
That was enough. Enough was enough! Shizuo slammed himself into the door behind him and grabbed Izaya's wrists, holding him away from him while Izaya fell towards him, laughing raucously like a maniac. Izaya pushed off Shizuo's chest and slipped his hands from Shizuo's grasp as easily as if they were coated with butter, stumbled backwards, and cackled.
Shizuo pressed himself into the door behind him and slid down, drawing up his knees and crossing his arms over his chest.
Izaya pointed. "You are," Izaya gasped, clapping his hand over his eyes, "a virgin! You freak!" and gasped for breath between dry hacking laughter.
It wasn't funny. There was nothing about this that was the remotest bit funny. "So are you," Shizuo muttered to the floor. His entire face flamed hot. Izaya cackled even more madly, and almost lost his balance when he walked across the room to recover himself. Shizuo just watched, dazed. "You're insane," he muttered.
Sometimes Izaya wondered if he was. But he wasn't. Izaya was the sanest person he knew. It was just a test that hadn't worked, but it almost had. In less than a minute more, he probably could have re-broken Shizuo, at a cost: a cost that he wasn't sure he was willing to pay yet, but he knew it was there. "But you thought—you thought—!"
Shizuo lost it. "That you would actually go through with what you were insinuating?" Shizuo shouted. "Well, forgive me for listening to my survival instincts, you mind-fucker! Do you have any shit? I don't think so!" he roared, emptying his lungs of his air. His vocal cords mangled his last words, making them even uglier and more guttural than he intended. "What a wonderful fucking idea! I should have just killed you over that simple asshole President's mother-fucking LoveMe assignment! And then we'd both be dead and rotting in jail for nothing! What kind of person is that bat-shit crazy? You're an utter lunatic!"
Izaya snorted his amusement. His laughter dissipated while they both panted for breath. Izaya swung himself up on the table in the middle of the room. "Luckily for you I'm not interested," he informed Shizuo, in his driest voice. "I'm not in the least bit tempted. You should know that, Shizzy-chan. I never do anything without a purpose," he said, as if instructing a small child. "You were supposed to get away from the door."
No, he couldn't have known. Not for sure. Now he never could trust him with even a modicum of human decency. Shizuo couldn't repress his shudder or the sweat that began to creep down the back of his neck. Fuck! He should have just run away, he shouldn't have to deal with this but he just—needs—a job—!
Still sitting on the table, Izaya idly kicked his legs. "But since you botched that plan, I suppose I have to deal with you." Izaya jumped off the table and walked to him, hand outstretched.
Shizuo quickly rose to his feet, but cautiously. When he got to his full height, he loomed.
"Plan?" asked Izaya, as the request were perfectly normal.
Shizuo dug into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper with shaking hands, and placed it in Izaya's hand without comment.
Izaya took it, read it, and smirked. "Fine, I'll do it. And?"
Shizuo said nothing.
"That's all? How disappointing," Izaya chirped. "After I almost seduced you to let out and all. You should've warned me I was going overboard."
Shizuo ground his teeth into his lip. Bastard. Izaya didn't even have to look at Shizuo's face to know what thought he was thinking now. It was in his rigid stance and his stiff movements and the way Shizuo refused to look anywhere at him, but too angry to be afraid or embarrassed and confused by his own success and upset at himself.
Shizuo was such an open book.
"And in return?" said Shizuo slowly.
"You're acting with me in the play the Gangway, to make hospital patients smile. Moko and Kyoko will be supervising," said Izaya in a normal voice. "We're practicing on Saturday nights in the downstairs practice rooms at 7 o'clock. So do your best, and I won't give you any unwelcome surprises, eh, Shizzy-chan?"
Shizuo simmered down slightly. But only just. He opened the door and let Izaya out. "Leave," he said hoarsely. "Just—fucking—leave."
Curling his lips slightly, Izaya left.
Shizuo waited until he was out of sight and came out himself, feeling wobbly.
At that moment, Kyoko came around the corner. "Are you okay?" asked Kyoko, looking concerned. "Moko just found Izaya. I know you asked us not to come sooner, or at least until you were done, I wasn't sure if you were, but we could hear a little from down the hall and the sounds you made were awful and you look like death warmed over. Are you okay?"
"I got what I wanted," said Shizuo, feeling numb.
"But are you okay?"
Shizuo shook his head.
"Are you sure you can—?"
"I need a job," said Shizuo, voice broken. "And I can't let this go. I can't let that fucker control me."
Despite herself, Kyoko winced.
"Sorry about my language," said Shizuo, tired. "It got a little…heated. I…I cleaned up my act a long time ago and that…that…took me back. Sorry."
"No, I get it," she mumbled. "If it was Sho, I'd feel the same. And things don't look quite the same from the outside perspective... Are you sure you don't want me to talk to President Lory for you?"
Shizuo shook his head.
"Shizuo-kun!" Kyoko cleared her throat, but her voice remained a little high. "Look into my eyes and say it!"
Shizuo looked at Kyoko. "Don't talk to President Lory. I can still act with him. Because you're directing."
Kyoko's shoulders slumped. "Don't make me feel guilty about doing this for you. I'm worried now."
"You told me that you acted across from your rival once," said Shizuo, his voice soft but serious.
Kyoko chuckled darkly at the memory. "Yeah, and I tried to strangle him for real... I probably gave him bruises but the upshot was that the result was terribly realistic. Don't actually do that, by the way, I wouldn't know how to handle it and President Lory would kick you out of LME faster than you could say 'acting classes' before he let you fight in public."
"I know," said Shizuo.
"But really, Shizuo, some things are just too toxic." Kyoko shook her head. "Sometimes it's better just...not to. I mean, just because I conquered some of my demons that way doesn't mean it will work for you, and our circumstances are different and it just wasn't advisable in the first place in any case."
"I can do it."
Kyoko bit her lip. "I know, but…"
"I'll be fine," said Shizuo. "I can't avoid him. If I leave…he'll seek me out wherever I am. I don't have a choice; I have to persevere."
Tears pricked the edges of Kyoko's eyes, and she sniffed. "Don't take this the wrong way, okay? I just—" She tackled him in a hug and squeezed him fiercely, then let go. Shizuo patted her shoulder, somewhat embarrassed and Kyoko stepped back again, respectfully keeping her distance. "—Do your best, okay?" she said tightly. "You were—I know you kept in control and at was so hard and—dammit, now I'm crying…"
Shizuo dug in the breast pocket of his uniform and handed her a handkerchief. He always had kept one in the pocket of his butler suits, so when he realized that he kept missing them because they were useful, he brought a couple to his locker to keep in the uniform pocket.
"Thanks," said Kyoko, wiping away her tears. "Anyway, I really admire you for the passive resistance stuff."
Shizuo blinked.
"I always, always lose my temper, but you…you're stronger than I am, and you've really have come a long way." She smiled through her tears. "Just because it's necessary doesn't make it any easier. And I heard about what you did at the wedding. Moko said something about it that she overheard from Izaya. I felt so proud. I don't know how you did it."
"I was…angry. And terrified." Shizuo swallowed. "I mean…I think I just made Izaya more dangerous."
Kyoko nodded and handed back Shizuo's handkerchief. "Because you're so very close to breaking his hold on you. People don't like change. God knows, Sho is a little better now, but he's also, in some ways, much worse… Did I tell you how he defended me from the Vie Ghoul?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, ask me about it someday, I'm still too wrought up to recount what happened now. It's…it's all a bit ridiculous, frankly." Kyoko smoothed her uniform. "Are you ready to work?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you." She smiled. "But have it your way. Let's go."