Another couple of months, another chapter!
Sorry for the late response, but school is in its final phase and I've been having to overhaul it on the studying and last minute test/projects.
Also, for those who read my other RWBY fic, I have an announcement for it at the ending AN!
Also, lots of dust head canon in this chap. You have all been warned!
Without further ado, onto the episode!
}Episode 6: Dust, Always Causing Problems{
Now before I go into exactly what happened during my first janitor clean-up, I should probably explain what happened leading up to it.
It was just a few minutes after I suited up and started doing my rounds around the school with the janitor cart. Thankfully my constant binging of RWBY, as well as the map Ozpin was kind enough to add to my Scroll, made it easier to navigate the halls.
All I have to say about the map, is that Beacon is much, much larger then what the show portrayed it to be. If it weren't for that map and my prior knowledge, I would've probably gotten lost and would never be found for three years.
Anyway, I arrived just after the period started, so there weren't any students in the hall, which was fine by me. It gave me some time to think my situation over, and by that I mean ignore everything while surfing the internet for information while trying to look like I was working.
Now that may sound bad, but it made sense at the time. I knew almost nothing about the current events of Remnant what with me being too broke to buy a newspaper and everything. I know I probably could have grabbed one from a stand, but in this world I wouldn't put it past the owner having a Rocket Launcher or something. And I didn't read any discarded trash papers since they were used more effectively as pillows, blankets, and kindling for my (Not) Homeless lifestyle.
So yeah, while I had time, a roof over my head, and the return of the internet, I decided to catch up on the news. Glynda said they'd call me if I was needed, so it's not like I was slacking.
And it started out well too! I was reading an article about dust sales, but then I saw an advertisement for the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie and well…
I kind of wasted thirty minutes gathering info about movies, TV shows and videogames
…
…
…
Look don't judge me okay?! I'm a nerd! I hadn't been able to scratch that nerd itch for three whole months! Almost everything I knew was gone and I needed to find anything even slightly related to Earth to cope. Constantly having to pass by and leave cool media in stores because of my bratty Fox Girl Overlord took a toll on me. So excuse me from trying to drown my sorrows with Earth Entertainment while trapped in another world!
You all try going three months without video games or TV! I bet you all wouldn't last one fu-
Ahem…
Sorry about that. I know I have a quota for tangents, but that one got a little defensive…Heh…
Anyway, I found Remnant's equivalent of Google (Gooogle, go figure) and searched up every single TV show, movie, book, anime, manga, and video game I could think of.
Good news: Star Wars, Rick and Morty, Doctor Who and a whole slew of anime and cartoons still existed.
Bad news: The DC movies still existed along with the Star Wars prequels and Transformers Movies.
Now I'm not going to bore you all with a list of things that did and did not exist. That would take far too long and I really don't feel like explaining it all. Let's just say a good chunk of bad and good media resides in Remnant.
What I will tell you is something I found very interesting, and mildly disturbing.
There was no sign of Rooster Teeth anywhere.
I'm not kidding! I searched everything from Red vs. Blue to their Immersion videos. Nothing, notate, nilch, zero.
It made sense that RWBY wouldn't be around since having a web show depict the future of your world would be pretty weird, but for the entire company to not exist!?
I still don't know why this was. Maybe the universe just didn't like the idea of two people sharing the same voice and decided to erase Rooster Teeth from this world's existence. I know it sounds a bit farfetched, but so does a normal person from the real world being transported via bright light to a fictional world.
With that little bombshell I decided to continue my research later, and chose to actually do my job. As I wandered the halls looking for any messes, my thoughts drifted back to my encounter with Emerald, or 'Zatanna' as she called herself.
Mainly, I thought about her illusion or whatever her 'changing appearance' semblance thing is.
I remembered that her semblance could only effect two people at a time, and that it left a major strain on her if she tried to do it to more people. So that left the question of how she could have possibly kept hers up for so long.
I theorized that maybe she had some sort of aura storage dust on her, which is one of the dust types that the show either failed to mention or get to before I got sucked into this world. It's basically this grey crystallized dust that you can pour aura into to use later, kind of like an extra battery to refill the Hunter or Huntress if they run low on the battlefield. It's useless in powdered form, and it's pretty rare to find.
That last point is why I discarded that theory. The amount Emerald would need to keep her semblance going all day would be too costly to obtain for Cinder's scheme to succeed without running into budgeting problems. Not to mention it would be pretty obvious if she was carrying around a bunch of dust crystals.
So with that theory debunked I continued to ponder and, then it hit me…and I mean that literally. As I was doing all this theorizing a passing student threw something at the trashcan part of the cart, but it missed and hit me in the head.
Before I could even yell at the student, or even question why she was in the halls during class in the first place, I noticed what she had thrown at me.
I grumbled while rubbing the sore spot on my head as I picked up the object an empty makeup container.
Wait a second…makeup! That's it! That's how Emerald is disguising herself! I thought as the dots connected in my head.
Now I'm by far no expert on makeup, but I knew that with enough of that stuff and skill you could become a whole new person, just like in the movies! It was the only way Emerald could disguise herself without using her semblance.
I hate to say this even now, but Cinder was bloody brilliant with this idea. Not only would Emerald be close by to her gathering intelligence, but she would be incognito, and still have access to her semblance.
A double disguise, triple if you count her real face really, the perfect spy technique!
With this revelation my shoulders slumped.
"Oh, why can't she be a good guy? My life would be so much easier if she was," I muttered in a defeated tone.
Sighing, I tossed the discarded make up container into the recycle bin (It's plastic so it counts!) But before I could locate the previous owner, my Scroll went off.
"Hey! Listen!" chanted the ear damaging voice of Navi.
…
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I changed the default alert sound with that annoying fairy's sound clip. I found it during my earlier 'Research' and it was free, so it was a win-win. Why was subjecting my ears to torture a win-win? Because it gave me the incentive to check my messages as fast as possible so that I wouldn't hear it again.
So yes, I opened my Scroll in record speed and found a message from an ID labeled 'Faculty.'
It read:
To any nearby janitors,
There has been an incident in the west wing Dust Studies classroom. Just one of you should be able to handle this mess. If you are near please respond.
From, Professor Peach
I smiled slightly at the professor's name as I thought,
Well…I am nearby. I guess it's time to actually earn my wages, AND get to meet the illusive Professor Peach. Now if only it didn't involve Dust…
I responded to the message and she in turn gave me the room number, and with that I wheeled my cart at mach speed to the Dust Studies Room.
}Line Break{
After a few minutes of navigating the halls I eventually found the Dust classroom. However instead of Peach waiting for me outside the door it was everyone's favorite polarity user.
This is usually the point where I comment on how life like she was compared to the show, but I think I've done that enough times already that you can all get the gist.
She was standing awkwardly next to the door scanning the halls as she tilted back and forth on her heels with her hands behind her back.
I figured she was probably looking for the janitor (me) so I stopped gawking from the corner and headed her way before I came off as a stalker.
I did not want to have that kind of reputation at a place where literally everyone could kill me with sharp stabby weapons, or even just their fists.
I mean some of them still tried that, but that came later.
So yeah, I started to head towards the red head. She eventually saw me when and let out a sigh of relief.
Dang, how bad is this mess that Pyrrha of all people is relieved to see a janitor? I mean I know it's Dust related but seriously, what happened? I thought with a raised brow.
I also couldn't help but notice the strange look she was giving my maintenance cart, but I brushed that aside since I had a million add-ons attached which wasn't the norm.
"Uh...where's Professor Peach?" I asked in confusion when I finally reached her.
She let out a sigh before she replied,
"Professor Peach ran off as soon as she sent the cleanup notice. She didn't tell us why either, she just left."
It took all of my willpower not to audibly sigh at the fact that I couldn't meet Peach. She's never been onscreen, and the thought of me being the first fan to see her kinda got me hyped up.
Then again even if I had seen her, there was no one to brag to about it, so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal. Still would have been awesome though…
I would eventually meet her, but the manner of which it happened...well let's just leave it as 'interestingly terrifying' and leave it at that for now.
So yeah, that aside I just decided to leave my anguish for later and tried to see if Pyrrha could give me any details that the message left out.
Which by that I mean actually tell me what the mess was and not just some stupid cryptic message!
"Well can you tell me what the big deal is? The professor only told me it was a mess in the Dust Studies room."
Pyrrha gained a sheepish look for some reason before she said,
"Well there was a little accident with some Du-"
"I kinda figured that since this is a Dust Studies room," I interrupted her. "What I wanna know is what kind of Dust are we dealing with, how long it's been active, and if anyone was stupid enough to make things worse? You know, the very important details."
I probably could have said that in a nicer tone considering it was Pyrrha, but since Dust was involved I needed to know these things and quick or else the entire room could burn.
Or freeze.
Or be torn to shreds.
Or just plain blow up!
Seriously people, dust is like a reactor core. You take your eyes off it for one second and suddenly half the mid-coast is gone!
"Oh, sorry," she stuttered with her sheepish look.
Ah there's her catchphrase. The ever-adorable sounding 'sorry.' I mentally cooed as I suppressed a smile.
But with her apologizing, and the details not coming fast enough, I figured I had wasted enough time and, after lightly nudging Pyrrha out of the way, I opened the door.
"Look I'll just take a look for myself. Hopefully it's not...too...bad…"
I was expecting some small problem like a spill or some ash from a fire dust reaction.
I was not expecting to see an entire lab table encased in ice glowing like a light bulb. I was also not expecting to see a bunch of students crowding around it as another student prepared to touch the table.
Eyes widening in panic, I gave the appropriate response.
"STEP AWAY FROM THE TABLE NOW!"
They were all surprised at my outburst, and some of them instantly backed off from the table too, but a few of them still lingered near it, including the idiot whose finger was inches away from it.
Said idiot gave me an angry look and growled,
"What's your deal asshole? It's just a crummy lab table Vomit Boy froze solid. The look on his face when the du-"
I kept a deadpan look on my face as the idiot talked while I went through a mental checklist in my head.
Annoying attitude? Check. Voice that screams 'douchebag?' Check. A very punchable face? Double check. Yep, just my luck Sir Cardin of Duchebagia is in this class.
I have never particularly liked Cardin. I mean most people in the fandom don't either, but I had a more...personal reason for disliking him. Let's just say I despise bullies of all shapes and form and leave at that for now.
So while Cardouche flapped his gums, I took in the rest of the faces in the crowd, looking for familiars.
Besides the rest of team JNPR though, I didn't notice anyone else. I sighed once more at my luck for running into even more plot relevant characters, but I managed to get over it quickly.
I was working at their school, of course I was going to run into them eventually. I just wished I'd had more of a breathing room after all the ones I'd run into since that morning.
So yeah, I had about a three second pity party, and the dumbass was still ranting.
Rolling my eyes, I thought,
Might as well shut this jerkwad up before the urge to punch him gets too strong.
So I got his attention, I sighed really loudly and put my face in my hand in disappointment shaking my head back in forth.
That shut him up, more likely thanks to confusion more than anything. When I looked back up with steely eyes, I saw that the other students were looking at me curiously.
Well when you got a crowd…
"Look kid, are you done yapping your fat mouth off? If so then this 'asshole' can tell you why you shouldn't touch the frozen table."
The little punk glared at me, so I returned it in kind.
"Good. Now you see the reason why you shouldn't touch it is…well it'll be better if I showed you."
With that said I walked over to a conveniently placed apple on what I assumed was the teachers desk. Ignoring the cliché of a teacher having an apple on their desk for later I picked it up and tossed it at the frozen lab table.
I got some confused looks for this, and Cardipshit even gave me a smug look as he started to mock me again.
"Oh no, you threw an apple at the table. What, is it suddenly goanna shatter it into a million pieces or someth-*Freeze Sound*"
Cardin's little spiel was interrupted as the apple hit …and instantly froze solid. As much as I wanted to savor the stupefied look on him and his friends' faces, I knew I needed to continue my little demonstration.
"Ice dust, once energized like this to actually freeze things, is highly sensitive to organic material," I lectured in a smug tone as I walked towards them. "Anything organic that comes into contact with it will instantly freeze, and even with your Aura you'd still end up being a nice new ice sculpture for people to gawk at."
My little lesson managed to get nearly every student scrambling as far as possible from the table, all except Cardin and his team, because of course they'd be the only ones. Their faces looked so stupid that I couldn't resist the smile spreading across my face as I reached the table and said,
"This is all dust 101, but I guess you were too busy trying to act tough to pay attention in class. If I didn't stop you, you'd be on the front page of the Vale papers. I can see the headline now, 'Huntsman-In-Training Dies Due to Careless Misuse of Dust!'"
This managed to snap Cardin and his goons out of it as they all took a huge step back, but Cardin being Cardin decided he still needed to act all tough by glaring at me.
"Why would you know all this huh? You're just a dirty janitor who's supposed to clean up after us, not some dust know-it all."
I just gave him a deadened glare at this "Burn."
"That says a lot more about you than me kid. A dirty janitor has more knowhow and common sense than you do. Sad isn't it?" I mocked causing him to grit his teeth in anger and embarrassment. Before he could retort, I continued.
"But to answer your question blockhead, I used to work at a dust shop before it blew up. I figured knowing how to handle the very dangerous materials I worked with would save me from an untimely death, but I guess it only served to save you."
Some of the students murmured about that, I even heard some of them say Ye Olden Dust Shop, but I ignored them.
He took in my info, which caused him to twitch, and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he just growled a 'whatever' before stalking off with his team in tow to the back of the class.
Ha! Suck it Cardin, you just got owned by a janitor! I smirked.
With my victory over a young prissy child passed, I remembered why I was here in the first place, as well as who Cardin put the blame on. Composing myself, I called out,
"Well now that the meathead is not frozen beef, would the one know as Vomit Boy please step forward? I need to have a word with him."
The students all murmured at that, making me roll my eyes, but eventually Jaune himself let out a sigh and walked over to me. The kid looked like he was on death row as he came over.
Dang man! I'm not Glynda, no need to look at me like that! Jeeze do I even look that scary? I'm way to skinny to be even remotely intimidating.
I pushed those thoughts away when Jaune finally stood in front of me.
"Uh…I'm Vo-Vomit Boy…sir," he admitted sadly.
"What's your actual name kid?" I asked in bemusement. "Because I highly doubt it'll look professional on my report if I wrote down Vomit Boy as the person who caused this."
Oh right, forgot to mention that. The school had a pretty tight policy with the janitors. We had to make a report for every incident we cleaned up. Apparently it's to help keep track of property damage reports since it happens so often, but I just think it was Ozpin's way of avoiding extra paper work.
Anyway, Jaune looked at me questionably before saying,
"I'm Jaune Arc sir! Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it."
I had to hold back my laughter at him actually introducing himself with that line. I mean it was bad in the show but to hear it in person is just pathetically funny!
"I'm sure they do, now what the hell did you do to cause an entire lab table to freeze over?"
"I guess uh…I put in too much ice dust and it went off when I put in the energy dust powder like Professor Peach said to."
Ah energy dust, Remnant's version of the battery. Always causing problems when too little or too much is used no matter the situation. But in this case it was more of having too much ice dust than energy, but it still is a pain to deal with.
"*Sigh* Listen Jaune, I'm gonna let you off easy this time since it was an accident. But keep in mind that dust is a very, very dangerous material that should never be taken lightly. If you cause another incident like this again and I have to clean it up, then you'll be helping me. Understand?"
He nodded in shame before he went back to his team. Pyrrha gave him a sympathetic pat on the back, Ren gave an encouraging nod and Nora…well Nora was just being Nora. And by that I mean she was staring at my janitor cart and the frozen lab table in wonder and mischief.
Now considering I knew how crazy Nora was, and the many dangerous things she was capable of, I naturally treated this as a bad sign. So I decided to slowly back towards my cart and push it as far from her as possible, the strange looks they gave me for doing so be damned. But I knew I made the right call as disappointment crossed her face.
So with that out of the way I finally had room to focus on the problem at hand, and so I entered The Zone.
I knew I needed to come up with a fast solution so that I wouldn't be near main characters for much longer, but it wasn't till my eyes fell on a shelf full of dust that I realized something.
Wait a second! I'm in a Dust Studies lab, so obviously, they must have a lot of dust on hand. If so then maybe…
I began to make my way towards the dust shelf which earned me a few confused looks.
"Hey! Anyone of you students got a shield making semblance?" I asked casually.
I'd come up with a quick and easy solution, but I sure as heck wasn't going to go through with it without having some sort of protection.
"Um…I-I do," a girl called out.
"Oh good," I said as I looked through the shelf. "Can you project your shield over others or just yourself?"
She was silent a moment before she nervously admitted,
"Um…I can put it over other people if I focus enough. But I can only do for a couple of se-"
"AHA! There you are!" I yelled out as excitedly as I found exactly what I needed.
Turning around the class saw what I had grabbed. Some of them gave me questionable looks, while others who actually paid attention in class looked at me like I was mad. Which is understandable since I had a bag of fire and wind dust in each hand, two of the most unstable dusts out there, and a test tube.
But in The Zone, you don't exactly care about what others think. I took my ingredients to the table nearest the frozen one and began to place small amounts of both dusts into the test tube with some tweezers that had been left there.
"What are you doing?" gasped the shield semblance girl, along with several of her classmates.
Now, while The Zone may cause you not to care about what others think, it is not above allowing you to lecture the simple-minded beings who could never hope to enter it.
"Well as you know, fire and wind dust are the most unstable, yet powerful, types of dust. So I'm making sure to be extra, extra, extra careful when putting them together in order to not blow us all up."
The girl made an 'eep' sound and it looked like she wasn't going to say anything else, but to my surprise she asked,
"But…why are you doing that?"
Still focused on the almost finished test tube of dust I answered,
"Well the best way to fix the desk is to melt the ice, but all the more sensible ways would take too long. So I'm going to just let dust do what dust does best, cause mass destruction!" I declared.
Suffice to say, my insane little chuckle after that statement was met with more weary looks.
With that, I held aloft my finely balanced test tube which held more fire dust than wind. This would cause the explosion to be mostly flames, but also it would spread thin and eventually be put out thanks to the wind dust, but due to the mixture, the flames would have a chance to burn longer. Plus since their so unstable they'd just go off themselves after a little stimulation, no energy dust required!
At least that's what I theorized, for all I knew it would blow me up. But I had a good deal of trust in both my chemical and dust knowledge, so I figured it'd work out in the end.
Smiling at my concoction like a mad scientist, I turned to the frozen table and noted that all the students were hiding behind the desks in the back of the room, tipped over as if they were barricades.
I guess some people see a guy laughing while making what amounts to a bomb and get the wrong impression.
I held the tube over the chilly surface and looked to the shield girl.
"Now this is very important. When I say now you have to put a shield around the table, or else we might all die in a fiery explosion of death. Okay?"
"Uh..uh right…" she squeaked.
Now before you all accuse me of being an arsonistic pyromaniac that needlessly puts children in harm's way…well…I was in The Zone! Truth be told, I was actually pretty scared about what I was doing, and even I knew this was a dumb idea, but The Zone keeps you calm and focused in the sight of danger, and not focus too much on the bad stuff…like consequences. It makes you think that the dangerous quick solution for avoiding the Butterfly Effect is the better option than NOT potentially blowing up main characters and yourself.
The Zone is Love, The Zone is Life. But still, Fear The Zone People…By God, Fear It!
…
…
Anyway, with her confirmation I put my plan into motion…
I shook the test tube like there was no tomorrow before quickly, and gently, putting it onto the desk. I then proceeded to dive away from the table ala superhero style.
"NOW!" I shouted as I hit the ground and turned to see a clear purple dome surround the table. I quickly got up and backed as far away from the shield as possible to observe what happened. I also may or may not have hid behind my janitor cart, but who knows?
At first the test tube was fine, but then it began to shake. It started to shake and shake and shake till it eventually looked like it was jumping. Black smoke started to leave the top of the tube as it looked like it was about to explode. I couldn't keep a mad maniacal grin from forming on my face as I saw that my idea was working (I'm Not Nuts I Swear!)
"Are you insane! Do you even know if her shield thing can handle the blast at all?!" cried out one of Cardin's lackeys.
"I have no idea!" I shouted in a mad German accent and laughed again…Okay, maybe I do have some problems, but cut me some slack, I was living in a cardboard box and was a slave to a Fox girl for a month.
But whether it was my words, or comedic timing, the test tube went full on crazy as it danced the smokey cha cha. The students quickly ducked their heads behind their desks for safety and I covered my ears as the test tube went off…with a pathetic frizzle.
Silence filled the air as I slowly felt the excitement leave me, and students began to poke their heads out from behind the desk. My hands fell to their sides as I said in disappointment (while also quoting one of the best cartoons ever),
"Ah man! I was sure that was going to work! Where's the kaboom!? There should have been a Remnant shattering kabo-"
*BOOOOOOOM*
Yup. Comedic Timing For The Win!
Let me just say that what I saw was absolutely beautiful. The colors of the flame filled the entire shield and dance madly inside it. It looked like a living inferno was caught in a bubble and was desperately trying to get out.
Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed the shield girl (brown hair, dog tail, normal student uniform) closing her eyes in concentration and struggling to keep the shield up. For a brief moment, I thought it would drop and kill us all, but luckily my wind dust theory was right as the flames went out not a moment too soon.
The shield girl fell to her knees and was breathing heavily as her shield went down and black smoke filled the room. Luckily the windows were open and some of the students who weren't in shock managed to blow it out before it could cause too much trouble.
Now that the high of completing my plan had taken me from The Zone…I kind of felt guilty about what I had just done to the shield girl.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked her as I walked up to her and gave her a hand up.
She looked at me with wide, deep ocean blue eyes before sighing and saying,
"N-no I'm good. Just a little exhausted is all. Who knew dust could pack that much of a punch? Hahahaha…"
I nodded at her before looking over towards the desk. It was now completely covered in ashes as well as the surrounding floor
"You know I had no idea that was going to work, but hey it did and we're all still alive," I admitted causing her jaw to drop. "Plus, you all just saw a great example of how dangerous dust can be so there's something! As an added bonus the table didn't get destroyed, even though I thought it would for sure. Just needs a little polishing and it'll be as good as ne-"
*Poof*
Yeah…needless to say what once was a lab table was now a pile of ashes.
Oh that's coming out of my paycheck for sure. God damn it all!
"Great! It went from one mess to another. Why did I have to use the stupid awesome fiery explosion way again? Why?!" I grumbled as I made my way back to my cart, head bowed.
I grabbed my broom and dust pan, I heard the gossip come in.
"The hell kind of janitor is he!?"
"I am mad scientist! So cool! Sonofabitch!" I quoted one of my favorite lines from a certain sci-fi anime. Maybe not the best thing to say after my earlier madness induced meltdown, but I couldn't help myself.
Of course the bell rang as soon as I said that, so the students all made a beeline for the door. I don't blame them, I was having an off day, of course they all would run.
Well…almost all the students. The shield semblance girl kinda just walked out with a dazed look, team JNPR walked out with Ren dragging Nora out who had stars in her eyes, and Blake just calmly left.
Left alone in the bigger mess I created, I shrugged and started sweeping up the ashes.
I wonder how mad Glynda will be for this? Hell I wonder how bad the lecture will be? Maybe if I just try and hide from he-WAIT WHAT THE HELL?! BLAKE WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!
Go figure, apparently her being a ninja cat wasn't too far off the mark after all…
}Line Break{
So after I finished cleaning up the ashes that were once a lab table and throwing them away I quickly left the classroom in a vain attempt to not get into any trouble with whatever teacher had the room next.
Why is there one less table? Oh I blew it up endangering students after verbally abusing one. No big deal.
Somehow, I knew they wouldn't understand my reasoning, so it was best to be gone.
After sprinting a good distance away from the Dust Studies lab, I finally slowed down. As I did I noticed how all the students around were either giving me or my modified cart weird looks.
Trying to ignore them, I forced myself to an even slower, almost lazy like speed, and in attempt to cover my tracks, I did the usual janitorial duties that don't involve explosives. I went around emptying the hallway trash cans and recycling bins, picked up trash on the floor, the usual.
Surely the slow moving boring guy couldn't be the one to torch that table. He's noboby, don't look at him! I thought as some kids still stared. A modified cart shouldn't have been that tantalizing!
I also couldn't help but think on how weird it was that I didn't know Blake was in that class at all.
Sure I was busy shutting up Cardin, and then I had a mini psychotic episode, but a cute cat-eared girl still tends to stick out, even if I wasn't properly paranoid and always looking for hidden Faunus (Blame Foxy).
So the best I could figure was that she either deliberately hid herself from me, or she clawed in through the window to check out the noise and smoke from my explosion.
I was leaning more towards the latter, but my paranoia wouldn't let me just drop the former option.
But why would she hide from me? It's not like I'm secretly a White Fang member or undercover super villain. I had Ice Cream with her for God's Sake, I tried and failed to rationalize my paranoid thoughts.
Thankfully before I could lose myself too much in my thoughts my Scroll went off with the ever-annoying words of Navi, which brought on a different kind of dread.
Well I mean there were plenty of reasons why I was being messaged, but with my luck I knew better.
I contemplated just ignoring the message, but the constant annoying chirping of "Listen!" and the looks it drew from the students smothered that idea.
So with a sigh I gave into my fate and pulled out my Scroll to see what the message was. As expected it was from everyone's favorite whip user.
Mr. Sullivan,
I understand that you lack experience as a janitor, but destroying school property is not in your job description, not to mention your reckless endangerment of the students! I will be deducting the cost of a new lab table from your paycheck, and if this happens again then your next meal might just be your last. Understood?
From, Professor Goodwitch
*Thunk*
That's the sound your head makes when you slam it into your janitor cart in both frustration and defeat folks, the resulting murmurings from class going students usually follows soon after.
Cursing every deity I knew, the Universe, and my poor luck, I slammed my head once more before forlornly bringing it up in defeat.
Damn Kids must have tattled on me…or Ozpin's got camera's set up in the classrooms…or both. But come on, how come I'm found out immediately while the crazy fire lady and her friend are waltzing around here waiting to bring grimdarkness?
Sighing once more, I decided to respond to Glynda before I got into more trouble.
After that I moved onward. Just because I screwed up didn't mean I didn't have other responsibilities. I'd just show them I was still a diligent worker and save face.
This determined plan lasted all of thirty seconds before I was distracted by something that made me drool and my stomach to have a mini-earthquake.
Is…is that food I smell?! I must be close to the mess hall…
I hadn't eaten anything since the milkshakes from the other day, so I was pretty starved. I had been able to ignore it for the most part that day, but when I caught a whiff of the mess hall food it came back in full force.
I grabbed my stomach in slight pain as it growled yet again.
"I guess now is as good as time as any for a lunch break. Hopefully no one will notice a few sandwiches missing."
With that said I began to push my cart in the direction of the delicious aroma, and after a few minutes I made it to the mess hall.
I parked my "Mesmerizing" cart outside the door and walked into an awe-inspiring mess hall.
It was far bigger than what the show showed, and the tables seemed to be much more spread out as well. What caught my eye the most was the whole section stocked to the brim with food that the students could take, buffet style.
I gracefully made a bee line for that glorious food, and totally did not push students out of the way I swear…though there were some students who picked up their plates and moved to the far end of the room when they saw me coming. Students from the classroom I'd just terrorized as a matter of fact.
When I got close enough to grab some grub, I noticed something horrible, something so soul crushing and evil it almost made Cinder's presence here seem welcomed by comparison. What did I notice you may ask?
Price tags. Price tags with lots of zeros that I wouldn't have for some time thanks to the table incident. Add to that the scary looking lunch lady holding a giant ass ladle (when I say giant ass, I mean anime levels of giant ass) that was probably also a gun.
So when faced with such horribleness, I reacted in the only logical manner.
"Uh dude…you okay?" asked a concerned voice from above me.
"No, I'm going to die right here while salvation is within my grasp!" I bawled as I hugged myself closer in the fetal position. "The Universe Hates Meeeee…"
…
It really was the only logical reaction.
"Uh, okay…You're kind of making a scene dude, you sure you're alright?" she said again and my eyes widened when I realized who it was.
Mentally facepalming I immediately stood up and faced Emerald, mostly so that I wouldn't have to see the gawking students.
"I'm fine! Everything's Fine!...How are you?"
And add another mental face palm.
"Uh…fine?" she responded taken aback before an amused look came across her face.
"So…did Glynda mess you up that badly for the Dust Studies room?"
I groaned and looked to the students who went to the other end of the room.
"You tattle-tales!" I chided causing some of them to wince, before I turned back to the amused lackey. "And no she didn't, but the same can't be said for my first paycheck," I bemoaned.
She giggled at this.
"Well then why are you crying and carrying on then buddy?"
"Because I haven't really eaten in a week and I can't buy any grub because I'm broke, and the lunch lady scares me," I admitted as my stomach growled for emphasis.
"Uh…you know staff gets to eat for free, right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, causing me to gape. "I guess that's a no then. Ozpin figured that since we risk potential accidents daily then we should at least get some free food."
That is the moment Emerald went from my "Hate" list to my "Worship Forever' list. For she saved my malnourished body with the two most beautiful words in the English language.
FOR FREE!
Needless to say, I was very happy about this information
"SERIOUSLY! The hell am I doing here when there's free grub to nab?! Hold on stomach, we just got a one-way ticket to paradise! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
Okay, maybe very happy was a bit of an understatement.
And if you ask anyone else they may claim that I ecstatically hugged Emerald so hard that I lifted her off the ground, but those people are lying. It didn't happen no matter what those pictures show! They're Fake I tell you! FAKE!
Ahem…
Anyway, I began my quest on grabbing any and all food that wasn't claimed. By the time I was done I had a mountain of food stacked on one plate. I even grabbed a swordfish! A Swordfish! They had a surprisingly large stockpile of it for some reason.
After a quick flash of my Scroll ID to the scary lunch lady I was at a table putting together the ultimate sandwich that would pierce the heavens with its tastiness! The unwashed masses of the students gazed upon the glory of my masterpiece, but it was too pure for their lowly eyes, only I was worthy of its grace. I smacked my lips, I open my maw and reached out for a heavenly bite.
Nothing could ruin this mome-WAIT NO DON'T FINISH THAT SENT-
"CHRIS!"
I could feel the universe laughing at me at that moment as I slowly put down my ultimate sandwich and turned towards the voice while silently cursing my tempting of fate.
Across the room was team RWBY. Ruby was looking at me with excited eyes, Yang was just smirking, Weiss looked like she was going to blow a gasket, and Blake…Blake was reading a book.
I slowly turned back to my sandwich and only thought of one thing…
Is it possible to kill only the Universe while sparing those that live in it? Because I'm getting sick and tired of this bullcrap!
…
…
…
What? I never said that thought was a sane one.
}Episode End{
Will I ever let poor Chris catch a break? Probably not, cause where's the fun in having a normal and sane life?
For those of you who read my other RWBY fic, I have decided to create a dual schedule since it has been so popular (more follows than when this fic was first published actually). Basically I write one chap for this fic, post it, than I write one for that fic and post it, then rinse and repeat.
I figured this would be the best way to handle things considering finales and all that, which good news ends next week so I might be able to get a actual time line for chaps!
Anyway, time to call some of you guys out:
MoonlightRWBYfics: Glad you're enjoying it! Also, the voice makes it so much funnier!
Commanderpill: We'll just have to wait and see were the plot goes for that, won't we?
Guest: It was more the fact that Ruby started going to Chris's shop that caused the changed. The Ye Olden Dust Shop could have been one of the stores Torchwick robbed before the Dust Till Dawn, Ruby visiting that night just sped things up if you look at it that way.
Priceless22: Sounds like an interesting idea, but I've read enough depressing fics to last me a life time so I'm not gonna be the one writing it.
Guest2: I do believe the beginning of this chap has answered your question
MrFizz: That it does, and I fully attend to abuse it to make all the laughs!
Somas35: Duh duh duh!
Le MAO XXIII: Trust me, things will only get better, or worse, for good old Chris. I'll be making sure of that, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Anyway, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, please let me know of them so I can fix them.
All logic used in this fic is completely head-canon. If you don't agree that's okay, it's just how I see things. Also I did warn you all that this chap was very dust head canon heavy, so sorry if you are put off by it. It's just how I see things and what makes the most sense to me.
Thank you all for following and faving! We've passed 100 follows! I can't believe it! Thank you all so much for enjoying this story so much! Seriously you guys are just the best!
Welp, with that all done this has been LightDusk16 signing off!