Hey all, LightDusk16 here bringing you another episode in Chris's crazy life!
And look, I actually managed to keep my schedule of once a month! It must be a miracle…or I could just be lucky with my classes. One of the two really. Also this episode turned out far longer then I planned so there's a bonus…I guess?
Also its out on Thanksgiving! So there's a holiday plus for ya!
Anyway enough babbling from me, let's get things rolling! It's show time!
}Episode 19: I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream Because It's Neo!{
Shit shit shit shit shit! Gotta Live! Gotta Hide! Gotta Hide so I can live! Run faster damn it run faster! Shit shit shit shit!
This was basically my mantra as I ran as far away from the tiny psychopath as fast as I could. Even though I threw down one of my steam dust pellets I knew that it wouldn't distract a crazed killer like Neo for long, so any distance I could put between her and me was paramount.
And let me tell you, running as fast as you can while your legs are screaming at you to stop is not fun. They ached with every step I took, no doubt because I still wasn't exactly at the best physical health yet.
Don't get me wrong, I was nowhere near the perfect example of physical fitness before I ended up on the streets. I never did any real exercise or even tried to work-out, but when it came to dangerous situations no one could run away faster than me. Years of running away from pissed off prank victims and bullies do wonders for a person's running skills after all.
So the fact that an expert on fleeing like me was aching meant I was going above and beyond what was traditionally necessary. But even still, with aching lungs and sore feet and legs, I kept pushing because I knew if I stopped, my muscles would seize up and I wouldn't be able to run again for a while.
Well…that and I knew the minute I stopped Neo would no doubt appear out of nowhere and skewer me with her umbrella poker. Amazing how fear and paranoia can drive a person to do anything. Seriously people will do the dumbest and riskiest things when they're scared out of their minds, and I'm no exception.
With screaming muscles and ragged breaths, I shoved, pushed, leaped, and shoulder checked any pedestrian in my way earning a fair share of shouts and curses, but it was all worth it in the moment.
Had my fight or flight response not overwhelmed me though, maybe I would have considered that straight up running away probably wasn't the best response. It made me look all kinds of suspicious, and more than likely tipped my hand to that I knew who the psycho was. Even if I hadn't kicked Roman in the nads, she probably enjoyed chasing her prey.
There's also the fact that the way I acted would probably set off warning bells in Emerald's head. At this point I'd somehow managed to avoid doing anything that could suggest I knew her true identity and her relation to Cinder, but after Batmaning away, that was probably sullied too.
My paranoia induced tactical mind would have considered all of those possibilities, but my reptilian brain wanted to grow wings and fly. And can you really blame me for running like a bat out of hell? I mean sure the canon show didn't give us a lot of info on her, but every other fan made thing depicted her as a psycho sadist with a thirst for blood.
Or a thirst for Ruby and/or Jaune if some fan fics were to be believed which I still will never understand why those pairings exists.
But I digress, the fandom had given me more than enough reasons to get out of dodge if I ever ran into the shortcake psycho. And again I had kicked her friend/father figure/lover in his family jewels so…yeah.
Anyway, running for a couple more minutes I acquiesced to my burning muscles and collapsed to my hands and knees in the nearest alleyway entrance. I spent the next few minutes gasping in as much air as I could, which hurt in its own right. Seriously, I was breathing so hard you'd think I was drowning in the stratosphere. A few pedestrians even stopped and stared at me in the alley as I did my best steam engine impression.
"What...never seen...a guy run...for his...life...before?" I gasped out with a glare at the nosey people, because I didn't want Neo to catch up and see them looking at me.
All that got me was some rolled eyes as they went about their day like usual before I had showed up. With them gone, I forced myself to grip the nearest garbage can and pull myself back up into a standing position, which of course, my legs and feet protested at.
I leaned against the dirty brick wall of the alley to help support me because I knew that if I sat back down, I wasn't getting back up again, which would make me a sitting duck.
"Gonna…feel that one…in the morning," I groaned as I felt a cramp in my side.
Groaning, I decided to get my bearings during my short break because all I had been doing was running blindly every which way but loose.
Okay...judging by all the rundown buildings and the ever present smell of vomit and urine I gotta be in the red-light district. Question is whe-
"Oh YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" I somehow managed to gain enough energy to actually yell out my frustration. For you see, there across the street from my exhausted self was a familiar bar, a bar that still fills me to this day with annoyance.
That bar of course was The Winking Skeever, where Yang had kidnapped me to only a few weeks beforehand. The memories of that day caused my eye to twitch as I grit my teeth at the site.
I swear to whatever deity is watching if that creepy teleporting barkeep suddenly shows up I'll...ugh.
By now I had managed to regain enough energy so that I wasn't breathing like a demented dog, but my legs were still pretty sore which meant I wasn't moving anytime soon. That, and the adrenaline stopped pumping, making the whole ordeal that much more miserable.
And to make matters even worse, some guy had dumped his steak near to the wall I was leaning on, making the air I breathed putrid...or it could have been a corpse considering what neighborhood I was in.
…
…
…
I'd like to think it was the former rather than the latter….okay moving on!
I leaned myself over the dumpster and groaned out in both physical and mental exhaustion into my hands.
"Ugh...this day just gets worse and worse. Only bright side is that I know where I am now, but like that helps much."
My hands fell from my face as I looked back to where I came from. Relief flooded through me when I saw no sign of Neo, but that did little to drop my guard as I continued to look for the murderous midget. Still alert, but in no immediate danger I began to think over my situation.
"Okay...so I ran into Neo who just so happens to be Emerald's friend apparently. What does that tell us?"
What does that tell us!? It tells us the obvious! Emerald is definitely evil and she was just about to hand us off to our executioner!
"We don't know that for sure! I mean yeah Neo is still probably a sadistic nut job-"
Who happens to work for the guy whose nards you kicked without hesitation.
"And sure it seems pretty suspicious that Emerald is 'friends' with her-"
The same person who most likely has an unhealthy obsession with the bringer of grim darkness.
"Would you stop interrupting me dang it!"
Now I know arguing with my own inner monologue might seem nuts, but trust me, it's healthy and rational, despite what some stupid psychiatrist says. It's a way to calm my nerves and to look at all sides of an argument so it shouldn't matter if others around me can't hear the other side of the conversation.
…
Hey! It's not another voice, it's clearly my own, I'm not a schizoid! It's like when you ask your conscience if something is wrong or not, mine's just more vocal!
…
…
…
Enough with the looks already! For the last time I'm not crazy, if anything I'm only madly eccentric!
…
Fine, whatever I give up! Now where was I before I had to defend my sanity?...Which thinking about happens a lot more often than it really should…
Oh right, I was debating with myself whether Emerald had tried to have me killed or not. My rational side said it was obvious, but I floundered for another logical explanation. Why was I reaching for straws? Well, you've got to understand just how much Emerald being a bad guy would mean to me.
For better or for worse, I considered her to be my best friend the entire time I was working at Beacon, and I'd like to think she considered the same for me. I had been constantly debating with myself if she was actually my friend, or just using me for her cover as a janitor for Cinder. Hell, with all that I'd changed in the timeline, a part of me wondered if she was even working for Cinder at all!
So finding out that the supposed 'friend' she wanted me to meet was a bloodthirsty killer who worked for a known bad guy? It made everything a whole lot harder for me.
Which is why, after several minutes of debating with myself and causing multiple pedestrians to give me looks at my muttering, I decided to just drop the issue altogether and focus on it later. At that point in time, feeling hurt and betrayed wouldn't help keep me ahead of the psycho.
Okay…going back to Beacon is out since no-doubt Emerald, good or evil, would question me why I ran. And since saying I know Neo's a crazy psychopathic murderous dwarf won't work out too well I need to use one of my back-up plans.
To no one's surprise I had, in fact, come up with plenty of contingency plans in the event I ran into Neo. Those plans doubled after my little stunt with Roman and tripled after the Fang incident at the warehouse because no doubt Cinder wouldn't be very happy about me busting one of her Dust operations.
Most of my plans involved either faking my death or getting the hell out of Vale as soon as possible, or even both depending on how bad my interaction with Neo went…if she didn't kill me as soon as she saw me at least.
Sadly I couldn't use most of those plans for two reasons, Reason one being that I had no idea how to fake my death…at least not without blowing up a building or five. And since I wasn't exactly in an unpopulated area nor had enough dust on me to create an explosion big enough to 'vaporize' me it was a no go. Besides that plan needed a couple witnesses and someone who knew I was doing that so it was a no go from the start.
And before any of you ask, yes I kept some dust crystals on me at all times. Usually they were low charged ones, so I never had to worry about them exploding from me moving around, plus I kept them in specialized cylinder containers that kept their unstableness to a minimum. And yes, I did acquire said dust crystals and containers from the labs and storage from Beacon without anyone's permission. Whether I was just that good at stealing or if Ozpin let me do it, I don't know, but I hope it was the former. Besides that place was gonna blow up in a couple months anyway, so I figured I might as well put that dust to good use before then.
Anyway, the second reason why my contingency plans wouldn't work is because the only way to the nearest transportation out of Vale was through White Fang territory. Them thinking I'm a 'Creeper' aside I had helped in putting one of their higher ranked members into the slammer, so trying to sneak my way through there was a bad idea. That and trying to sneak past a Faunus is nearly impossible with their super-senses.
Seriously, just try sneaking past someone with animal hearing and smell and see how far you get. Especially if you're not wearing the cleanest clothes on the planet like I was with my trench coat. Don't get me wrong I washed that thing ten times over when I first got the chance, but it was like the smell was imbedded into the sowing itself.
But yeah, the point is going through Fang territory was a dumb-ass idea and it was not worth it, and that is why my desperate mind even considered my last ditch plan. Hell, I still don't exactly feel the proudest for coming up with it.
So plans thirty-five through one hundred and twelve are out. That leaves…Operation My Turn, I thought with a shiver.
Operation My Turn was my last ditch, worst case, literally only do if nothing else will work plan that I cooked up a few weeks after I first arrived in the RWBYverse. The plan itself was based off a fanfic I read before all this craziness happened called My Turn, hence the name.
In the story the MC did an exposition dump on Ozpin and his Inner Circle about how he was from a world where Remnant was just a TV show. Through no small amount of luck, and some circumstantial evidence via his foreknowledge from the show, he managed to convince them all that he was telling the truth.
The plan I came up with is basically the same thing, if a lot more manipulative. I'd use some basic knowledge from the show to convince Oz that I wasn't making anything up, but I'd hold onto most of it. I'd bargain that, in exchange for my foreknowledge on coming events and anything Salem related I'd read about, Ozpin would protect me from whoever was trying to kill me and let me use his resources to find a way home.
Dirty and underhanded considering all the trouble that could be avoided if I just told Ozpin everything right off the bat, yes, but the main reason why this plan filled me with dread is the same reason why I never told Ozpin anything before.
There's no telling what could happen if I'd told him, or anyone really, about future events.
Me being thrown into an insane asylum aside, the Butterfly Effect could cause a whole slew of even worse things to happen if canon events didn't go right. Hell, look at what it had already done with just my presence in this universe.
That's why Operation My Turn was a literal last resort plan, and when I say literal I mean I had to be literally on the verge of death, or some sort of cataclysm via the Butterfly Effect had to occur before using it.
So with that in consideration it makes sense why I immediately threw out that idea when I thought it, even for a nanosecond.
Nope, Neo may be crazy and bloodthirsty but even she isn't worth potentially bringing about grim-darkness early or causing the apocalypse somehow. Besides, with how much I've changed already, who knows if it's even viable anymore. It would be just my luck that I spill my guts and none of my predictions come true, so no to that plan.
Looking beside the trash can I saw a few cardboard boxes.
I guess the best thing I can do is get a new box home and lay low for a while. Maybe visit Old Man Fuller and see how much longer till the shop's rebuilt.
I hadn't talked to or seen that old jackass since I called him back when I first started working at Beacon. I still didn't think the shop was close to being rebuilt yet since the stubborn old fool insisted on rebuilding it himself without any help, but I had figured it wouldn't be too much of a bad idea to see how far the shop was going while I was laying low.
So with that thought in mind I waited a couple more minutes until I could actually stand and move around without tripping over myself before I started to leave the area.
Of course the universe decided then to mess with its favorite punching bag, as I didn't even get three feet away from the trash can before someone covered my mouth and pulled me further into the alleyway away from the street.
…
…
…
Yeah, no shit I can't catch a break!
}Line Break{
So there I was, dragged into the smelly disgusting alley by some unknown assailant and held up against the wall by whoever grabbed me. So naturally, given everything that happened that day, I started to go into full freak out mode.
OH SHIT OH SHIT SHE FOUND ME! I'M GONNA BECOME HUMAN SWISH CHEESE OR A MEAT SUIT! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!?
I was still pretty worn out and panicked at the time, so I didn't fully register that Neo wouldn't be able to drag me like that with her height. In that moment though, no logic or reason could reach me.
It wasn't until I was slammed into the wall and turned around that I saw my attacker and was slightly relieved. I was still in deep shit though.
"Hehehehe, look what we've got here boys!"
"Some skinny human?"
"Not just any human, it's The Creeper!? This is perfect! We bring this guy in now we're sure to get promoted!"
So not only was the person holding me against the wall not Neo, nor a female, but he also had two side-kick minions with him. And considering they had called me that pain-in-the ass title 'The Creeper' it could only mean one thing...they were White Fang grunts.
I often wonder how many mirrors I broke in a former life to deserve luck this bad.
"Wait a minute...you're not a psycho midget," I responded eloquently as I took in their uniformed forms. My intelligence got me some looks from the three grunts, but they immediately went back to talking amongst themselves.
"Screw bringing him in, I say we gut him now!" said the one holding me. It was hard to tell with the masks, but the other two seemed uneasy at that.
"I don't know...the boss's orders specifically stated to bring in the Creeper alive."
"Yeah, and besides it's not like this guy is putting up too much of a fight. I mean he's just a malnourished human hobo."
Before I could correct the grunt about my non-hobo status like usual the grunt holding me up growled,
"So!? They're just going to kill him anyway, might as well cut out the middle man. Besides, no one's gonna miss a disgusting, pathetic, homeless pedophile."
Now, I don't really know what happened after that. All I know was that hearing that crazy racist terrorist call me not only a hobo but also a pedophile…something in me just snapped.
I don't know if it was because of all the fear I'd experienced that day or if it was all the crap I'd gone through up till then finally hitting me, but the adrenaline spiked through my veins once again and I began growling
"I"
Before the grunt holding me could say anymore my leg swung out and hit his family jewels in my signature move. The effect was instantaneous as he let go of me and clasped his injured pride and stumbled to the other side of the alley, which shocked the other two. This gave me time to reach into my trench coat and grasp the handle of a certain weapon.
"AM NOT!"
I erratically swung my Fire Axe I'd gotten in the Disposery out of my coat at the guy on the left, and with such a low swing, it hit him in the kneecap, causing him to scream in pain.
"A GOD DAMN!"
I yanked the blade out with a sickeningly wet sound, causing him to fall to the ground. I then raised my axe above my head for a downward swing on the grunt on the right.
"PEDOPHILE!"
With my final shout I brought the axe down like Nicholson in The Shining, but the third grunt caught the head between his palms.
"Nice try you miserable son of a-"
I didn't let him finish as I clicked the switch in the handle that unleashed the dust payload, which just so happened to be my favorite. Fire.
"AH! AAAAHHHH!" he screamed as his gloves and sleeves caught fire and quickly began to spread to the rest of his coat. I chuckled madly, as he fell to the ground and began rolling around, which caused the fire to spread to his friend with the bloodied knee cap.
I'll admit, a part of me took pleasure in seeing them in that state. So much so that I momentarily forgot about the guy I'd nutshotted.
"I'll kill you you bastard!" he grunted about ten feet away as he reached for his side for a gun I hadn't noticed before.
Oh shit!
Without even thinking I threw my flaming axe at him as hard as I could. On reflex he brought both hands up to shield himself, which was lucky for me because it cut into his gun hand, causing him to drop the weapon.
"AHHHH!" he screamed as he shook the searing axe out of his hand, which caused one of his fingers to dangle loosely.
Unlike his friends who'd had the good God Damn courtesy to catch fire, the main grunt didn't. Without my weapon, and only minimal time to act, I closed the distance between us and once more, kicked him where the sun don't shine.
"Oooohhhh," he groaned as he doubled over on the ground this time. "Whyyy?"
"Because I'm sick of this world's shit that's why!" I growled out rabidly as I brought my foot down on his masked face, getting a wet crunch and another grunt of pain from him.
"I don't even want to be here! I just want to go home!" I shouted as I picked up my axe, its flame having diminished.
"Aaaaahhhh!" the grunts still on fire cried as more of their clothes went up.
"STOP INTERUPTING ME!" I yelled as I threw a steam pellet at them which not only put out the flames, but also gassed them both out.
"I don't want to be a part of any of your God Damned stories! I want everyone to leave me the hell alone and forget about me!" I ranted as I picked up the fallen gun and pointed it at the Fanus in front of me, clicking back the hammer. His mask had cracked from my kick, and that's why I could see fear in his eyes as I held the gun to his face.
"Now I want you to remember that the next time you accuse someone of being something they're not, understand?" I threatened.
The grunt just nodded his head fearfully, which I smiled at and unprimed the hammer.
"Good! Oh, and one more thing…"
I pistol whipped him right in the center of his forehead and knocked him out.
"I'm not a hobo either."
I then stood up, pocketed the gun, took a deep breath, surveyed what I'd just done…and proceeded to puke my guts out as the adrenaline receded again and I shook all over.
"Holy shit, what the hell did I just do?" I panted in pride and disturbance as I clutched my chest where my heart still beat a million miles an hour.
I mean, I had actually fought and defeated three White Fang grunts, on my own! Me! What I had just done shouldn't have worked! I still can't believe I came out on top of that. If I had tried to come up with a plan of attack, I would have died no question, but me snapping and lashing out in crazed anger worked.
It had been quick and surprising, and I really think it's the surprise that let me get away with it. I mean, not even I would have suspected myself of lashing out, but whatever the case, I had won, even if my whole body ached and shook from the exertion.
As elated as I was, I was also reminded that I'd just done some pretty brutal and messed up stuff to three grown men. I'd set two on fire, one of whom had a shattered kneecap, and I'd messed up the main guy's face, nuts, and hand. That realization didn't make me feel all that great.
Shit…I could have actually killed them. I-
*Clap Clap Clap*
My reflection was interrupted by the very exuberant applause of someone clapping. It wasn't even slow maniacal clapping, but rather the kind you'd do after someone gives a great speech. And normally I'd have probably snapped my head in panic over someone doing that while I stood over three badly beaten men holding an axe…but I was both physically and mentally exhausted.
Instead I sighed and slowly looked to the source, having a pretty good idea of who it'd be.
Sure enough, there was Neo standing in the alleyway entrance.
Oh great, the psycho midget is here. What else, Roman coming down ala Mary Poppins? I thought tiredly.
My tired mentality didn't last long though because I registered something that sent my mind into overdrive. Not only was the reaper of my death standing across from me…she was smiling.
Not a normal smile mind you, nonononono that would be too mundane. Neo had on one of the creepiest smiles I have ever laid my eyes on. It wasn't some big, toothy insane smile like the Joker's or anything like that, it was actually a small, almost unnoticeable one that you'd miss if you're weren't looking too closely. But I did look closely. What brought the feelings of dread and doom up to eleven was the look in her eyes.
Her normally blank unassuming eyes held inside them some sort of twisted, sadistic glee hidden within. The look of a predator spotting its prey.
I'm dead...she's got me.
I was tired and resigned, there was no escape. My body couldn't shake any more than it already was after the adrenaline surge, but it tried its damnedest. By the time Neo stopped clapping I had managed to shakily lift my axe up in a poor attempt to ward her off, even if I knew there was no stopping her.
Please universe…let this be quick…
As a tear slid down my cheek, and I held my weapon uselessly, I saw as she tilted her head to the side with a confused look instead of going for her weapon, which I only just noticed she didn't have.
Huh? Why are you confused? I wondered briefly, but before anything else could happen, a familiar voice called out,
"Neo! There you are, did you find Chris?"
Neo looked over to her left just as Emerald entered the view of the alley entrance huffing and puffing like she had just been running a marathon, which is weird considering you'd think a master pickpocket would be used to running long distances.
Course I didn't really have any time to consider that as Neo made a 'maybe' gesture with her hands before pointing at me. This caused me to instantly stiffen as Emerald started to turn her head towards me while she said,
"Maybe? What do...you...mean..."
She slowly stopped talking as she looked at me with my horrified face, shaking axe, and the three men on the ground.
"Chris…" she trailed off and I held my breath.
This is it, this is where she orders Neo to ki-
"Holy shit are you okay?" she asked as she rushed into the alley towards me, a look of concern etched on her face. That was all it took for me to lower my axe and lean on it before I could fall to my knees.
If this was a trap, or she was leading me into a false sense of hope, I didn't care. In that moment, I felt relieved that my friend wasn't going to kill me.
"Whoa, easy there," she said as she placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me. "What happened? Are you hurt? Did-"
"I-I'm fine Z, just a bit tired heh heh," I reassured her and smiled. Though I doubt she was entirely convinced, that seemed to ease her look of concern.
"Tired huh?" she asked with a raised brow before she looked at the three men on the ground.
"White Fang?" she muttered before looking back at me. "Did you take those guys down Chris?"
"Well, I mean…" I trailed off as Neo walked up to Emerald's side and snapped her fingers to get her attention. When she looked to her, the dwarf pointed at me, then at the White Fang on the ground and nodded.
"Really?" she asked in surprise before looking back at me with a smirk.
"Well color me impressed," she said genuinely, "Have you been holding out on telling me your skills?"
"Hehehe...I can explain?" I chuckled nervously.
"Oh yeah, you definitely have a lot to explain Mr. Runaway Street Fighter," she said giving a flick to my axe head.
}Line Break{
"Wait, so you weren't over exaggerating about the Fang hunting you down?"
About 20 minutes after that whole incident found me, Emerald, and Neo back at the ice cream shop eating ice cream…
Yeah, I didn't see that one coming either, but hey, it was better than being dead, and since the short psycho wasn't currently spilling my guts all over the floor, I decided to roll with it to avoid more suspicion.
After we called the police to arrest the Fang grunts like reasonable people we left the scene before anything else could happen. Mostly because we all had obvious reasons to not be around the cops...at least I thought they did, but regardless, I set flame to my vomit pile to get rid of all the evidence and we all skedaddled.
So on our way back Emerald wanted an explanation as to why I ran off after throwing down a smoke pellet. I, cleverly if I might add, managed to cook up a lie that I had seen the three White Fang grunts down the street notice me, and in my panic I decided to run. When asked why I just didn't come inside the shop, I lied and said I didn't want them hurting anyone inside. By the time we got back to the ice cream shop I had managed to convince Emerald that this was the truth.
After sitting down and ordering food, she asked me to go into details of the fight, so I told her about how I'd just snapped and gotten lucky. Throughout most of the conversation, Neo had her usual blank look, except for when I described how I'd hurt the grunts. She seemed interested, too interested if ya ask me, but that's what I say about everything Neo does.
This brings us back to where we are now. To my disbelief it seemed Emerald was more shocked that I was telling the truth about the Fang hunting my ass then the fact I beat down three grunts by myself.
"I thought you believed me about the Fang thing," I asked with slight annoyance while glaring at her, "Especially after that whole warehouse thing!"
To Emerald's credit she had the decency to look sheepish as she rubbed the back of her head.
"It's not that I didn't believe you, I just thought it was like a small faction of them. I didn't think even you could piss off an entire terrorist organization."
"Yeah well you'd be surprised at how many people I can piss off easily," I grumbled and rolled my eyes.
Now that may sound a little moody at my part, but please remember that I was stuck at a table eating ice cream across from Neopolitan herself after trying and failing to get away from her. I had the right to be a bit snippy.
Of course Emerald picked up on my moodiness and was about to question me when the source of that discomfort began tapping the table to get our attention. Neo held a…pouting face, I kid you not. She then gestured at herself before holding both palms facing up and shrugging.
Now, if say, Ruby, Nora, or even Weiss did that gesture, I would have found it adorable, but since it was her, it felt more disturbing…
Anyway, Emerald's eyes widened a bit before she chuckled, bopped her own forehead and said,
"Oh right, I forgot to introduce you two. Chris, this is my friend from my apartment building, Neopolitan but she prefers Neo. She doesn't talk much, but she's cool."
At her introduction Neo nodded her head my way and gave me what was probably a normal smile, but I still couldn't get that image of her delighted smirk in the alleyway out of my head, so I subtly scooted towards the edge of the booth.
Oh God, what is running through that deranged brain of hers? Where's Goodwitch and her mind reading when you need it?!
I managed to swallow my fear and raised my hand for a handshake.
"Th-the names Chris Sullivan, but my friends just call me Joker, but not lately. Nice to meet you N-Neo!" I introduced a little too loudly and stiltedly.
Neo stared at my shaking hand with some look I couldn't decipher before she looked over to Emerald.
"Oh right, right, right," Emerald nodded and looked to me. "She doesn't do physical contact, she's a bit of a germaphobe you see."
More like she doesn't want to leave any bloody prints behind when she's done 'playing' around
Once again my thoughts deferred from my actions as I put my hand down and chuckled awkwardly.
"O-oh I see. Sorry I didn't know about that, in fact I didn't know you existed till today. Zatanna never really mentioned you."
Neo sent what could be confused for a teasing glare but was actually a look of evil confirmation towards Emerald who simply chuckled and said,
"It never came up, besides you should have figured I had friends outside of work. Can't have all my friends at my workplace like you do ya know?"
My eyes widened for a millisecond before I quickly said,
"Aw come on Z, that's not fair. You're literally my only friend and until today we never had time to hang outside of work."
"Really? I'm you're only friend?" she giggled in amusement. "Oh I can't wait to tell Yang that you said that."
"What? Why would you do that?"
"Because she'd probably bop you upside the head for not thinking she or her little sister who practically worships you are your friends. I know I'm the best and all, but you shouldn't leave them out in the cold," she smirked.
"First off I highly doubt Ruby looks up to me as much as the both you seem to think. All I've done is tutor her on dust and pick up garbage with her. I'm no fountain of wisdom others should look up to."
"I don't know, I've seen that video where you gave the whole cafeteria that big pep talk. Seemed like tough love to me," she countered causing me to glare for the interruption.
"And secondly they don't count as real friends because they're students and I'm faculty. That's like the social norm to not be friends."
Emerald merely rolled her eyes again before she said,
"Well I doubt Yang cares about that, I mean she is the one who helped you blow up the warehouse after all. I doubt a student would have done that with some random janitor."
Stop giving away information damn it! Seriously just how loose are your lips?! I mentally groaned as Neo gained that look of demented interest again.
"Z! I'm not supposed to talk about that," I whisper shouted leaning towards her.
"Yeah I know, you said that right before you told me everything," she whisper shouted back.
"Because I thought you could keep a secret."
"Don't worry. Neo isn't exactly going to be shouting this from the rooftops," she chuckled before looking back at the tricolored haired monster. "Right?"
Neo mimed a zipper going across her lips before she rotated her hand indicating she wanted Emerald to continue.
"See? Now do you want to tell the tale or should I?"
"Hmmp," I grumbled and sat back, crossing my arms. "You're already spilling secrets, might as well go all in."
"If you say so," she smiled before turning to the silent but deadly girl. "So yeah, I didn't tell you about this because there's no bunny girl video of it, but he got kidnapped by one of the students and…"
And like that the events of my actions at the Fang hideout were explained in detail to a serial killer whose boss probably was pissed it happened in the first place since it cost him a lot of stolen dust.
Of course while Emerald was recounting my tale, and Neo's creepy smile grew wider, I was freaking out as per usual. But before I could get too deep into it, a thought occurred to me.
Wait a second...shouldn't Neo already know about all this?
Logically speaking, if Emerald was working for Cinder then Neo should already have known all the details about the warehouse incident because Emerald would have told Cinder what I told her of it, and she would have given that info to Torchwick...probably.
But, considering how Neo looked like this was the first time she heard of my involvement, then there was a chance Emerald never told Cinder and therefore didn't work for her!
It was a small hope that I had considering I really didn't want her to be evil, but the ever cynical part of my brain squashed that in favor of realism.
Or this could just be how she's transferring the information, or it could even be just a cover to have an excuse why Roman knows if I ever run into him again.
That last thought was less than likely to be the case, but when you have a paranoid mind you tend to think of all the worst case scenarios even if the chances of them happening are zero.
And before I could have another healthy debate with my own mind, I noticed that Neo was looking at me with that false blank look of hers as Emerald finished the tale. Trying to remain calm, and silently hoping she couldn't read minds like Goodwitch, I asked,
"Uh, what's with the look?"
To that, the creepy smirk returned as she gave me a thumbs up.
Good job? Huh? I reeled in confusion before Emerald's chuckle brought me out of it.
"Hehehe, relax Chris she's just impressed with what you did at the warehouse. And probably for today too, I know I was," she added and the half pint nodded in agreement. "I mean damn man you beat the Hell out of those guys! Where were you keeping that axe anyway?"
Gulping slightly and pushing out the feeling of dread of Neo being impressed with my work I looked over to Emerald and said,
"Like I said before, I got lucky. They didn't expect a skinny guy like me to strike out, so I had the element of surprise, that's all. As for my axe…"
I pulled open trench coat to reveal my axe, safely attached to the inside of my coat via a stitched on sling.
"I sewed a sling inside my coat a week after I got it from the Disposery. You never know when you'll need a weapon after all, so I figured it'd be a good idea to have it at all times."
The only downside is that it weighs a ton and it's a pain in the ass to carry, but no need to let Neo know that.
"Wait a second...besides blowing up shit, you know how to sew of all things?"
This was apparently funny enough for her to bark out in laughter along with Neo, though hers was more of a silent mockery laugh.
"Yeah yeah laugh it up," I said while rolling my eyes in annoyance, "When your little sister begs you to fix her dresses all the time then we'll see who's laughing."
It took a few seconds before Emerald finally calmed down and registered what I said.
"Your sister? I didn't know you had a little sister," she asked sounding intrigued. And with good reason, I'd never mentioned family much to her or anyone so that no one could try to look into my fake past. This slip of the tongue just showed how tired I was after everything that day. Even still, being asked about my family made me a bit nostalgic.
"Two actually, an older and a younger with me smack dab in the middle," I chuckled. "I always looked out for my little sis…and sometimes my older too when she had too much to drink."
"You're saying you were the responsible one?" Emerald giggled again at that.
"More like the cautious one if you can believe that. I haven't seen either of them in…a long time," I said a bit in melancholy. That long time didn't just mean my trip to Remnant either, I hadn't seen my older sister in years, and my younger in months after living with my buddies.
"Ha! Two sisters huh? You should have them both come out to visit sometime, I'd love to meet them. Maybe they can help you with your next explosive incident," Emerald laughed and slugged my shoulder. My mood became somber at that because that was beyond impossible.
It's been a few months now, the guys have probably already told everyone I went missing. I hope they don't think I'm dead, I thought sadly, imagining my family crying and putting up missing posters for me. I hoped they all were doing alright without me. My little sister was always getting into trouble back home, and I worried about how she'd act thinking I was dead.
Those feelings and thoughts were another reason why I avoided speaking about family in Remnant. Even still they hit me. So, before I could get too depressed, I decided to change the topic.
"So, uh, Neo, what do you like to do for fun?"
…
Yes, I'd rather ask a mute nutjob her hobbies rather than feel sad thinking of home. Maybe it was a bit abrupt, and Emerald seemed to get the message and avoided the topic for the rest of the day, but I'd still engaged in conversation with a monster.
After raising a brow in contemplation she appeared to think about my question before the waiter brought our orders, and despite the fear and paranoia and sadness, our banana splits did look delicious.
Neo then did that smile of hers again and gestured at her own desert.
"Uhhh, Ice Cream? Ice Cream is what you do for fun?"
She nodded at this, before she proceeded to pick up her spoon and somehow eat daintily and quickly at the same time. I was amazed at the site of how quickly she devoured that sundae without getting brain freeze.
"Yeah, she's got a real sweet tooth," Emerald chuckled and dug into hers.
Huh…I guess even lunatics love ice cream. I shrugged and dug into my own because, when in Rome.
Over the next hour in that booth was a strange experience for me. Mostly me and Emerald making small talk, with Neo doing her charades and us having to interpret them. In fact the rest of the conversation there would have been pretty pleasant, if it weren't for the fact that Neo had on this contemplative face the whole time.
I thought maybe she still thought of all the many different ways she could slaughter me right then and there, but to my utmost surprise, nothing happened.
After the hour was up, Neo pointed at her wrist as if she had a watch which Emerald understood that she had other places to be. Or other people to murder as I thought.
"Oh already?" she pouted and the evil munchkin nodded as we all stood up from the booth. "Well alright then, but seriously, now that Chris's warmed up to you, we've all got to get together again sometime, maybe hit the bars, or a club or two."
What part of me sitting as far ways from her as possible and never once looking her directly in the eye constitutes 'warming up' to her? I mentally grumbled. Besides, it will be a cold day in hell before I-
I stopped mid thought as Neo suddenly nodded and held a thumbs up to that idea.
NO DAMN IT NO!
"Great, hopefully we won't have to wait too long," Emerald said ecstatically.
Why are you doing this to me?! I bemoaned silently.
Then something insane happened…more so than the other insane things that happened that day. Neo turned from Emerald, and moved towards me.
Oh Shit She's…Huh?
Instead of attacking me, she had grabbed my hand with hers, looked me dead in the eye with that creepy ass smile and shook my hand. Before I had a chance to process what happened she let go and went out the door on her merry way without looking back.
It wasn't until she was out of sight that Emerald let out an whistle and slapped my back playfully. I continued to look at my hand in pure befuddlement as she teasingly said,
"Dang Chris you must have left a better impression on her than I thought. Is the crazy janitor a secret suave ladies man on top of being a skilled axe fighter?"
I ignored her completely as I continued to stare at my hand in perplexion.
I...should probably start preparing my will shouldn't I?
"Ha! I'm just teasing ya you dork," Emerald snickered and slapped my back again. "She probably just appreciates finding common ground with someone. Now, you wanna get tacos, or BBQ?"
"Uh…whatever you want," I blathered trying to regain my cognitive functions. We ended up going to a Taco Stand if you're curious. Without Neo around, the rest of the day was more relaxing…or it would have been if one thought hadn't kept popping up in the back of my mind.
What the hell do I have in common with that psycho?!
Surprisingly more than I thought, but less than I'd hoped.
}Line Break{
So for a frame of reference this whole incident happened a month before the Volume One finale took place, and in that month I did all that I could to avoid Neo.
And by that I mean I always shot down Emerald whenever she brought up hanging out with her again. It may have been rude but I wanted to live a bit longer thank you very much, even if it meant upsetting a best friend that I was slowly hoping wasn't evil more and more.
Now besides avoiding a vanilla, chocolate and strawberry flavored assassin, the rest of the month leading up to the finale was...interesting to say the least.
It was also, sadly, the last month of relative peace I had before my attempts to steer clear of the finale crashed and burned. Literally. But I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened you ask? Well let's see…
My lunch time was invaded by nosey teens, I was both threatened and thanked by another group of annoyances, I managed to visit Old Man Fuller with unwanted company along for the ride, and I somehow ended up substituting for a Dust class with the usual results.
So yeah, all in all a pretty peaceful month.
…
…
…
Relatively speaking.
}Episode End{
So Chris's first fight scene debut and it's a bit more brutal then you'd expect! But hey people can only be pushed so far in life before they start to push back. Plus, I bet you all can't guess which teens he's talking about for each situation…which is probably cause I made it super vague but still counts!
But enough of me talking, let's move onto this slightly larger than usual Omake which is probably cause I had too much fun writing it! Let's get this mini-sode started!
Oh, and for reference the events leading up to this were like in canon, Cardin was being a little douche and tried to get Jaune to throw the sap cause he's a jackass, and Jaune stands up to him a bit quicker than in canon. But that's about it.
Now onto the show!
}Omake 6: Meanwhile with Teams JNPR and RWB [Canon]{
While Chris was off fighting Fang grunts and eating ice-cream with a psychopath, teams RWB and JNPR were on a Bullhead with other first years returning from the Forever Fall field trip.
The two teams were adamantly talking about JNPR's leader Jaune successfully killing a Ursa Grimm, as well as standing up to his bully Cardin whose team was allowed to go on the trip despite their detentions from a certain janitor.
They were all pretty proud of him, though if you paid enough attention you'd notice Ruby, Pyrrha, and Weiss sharing a knowing look between each other.
"That's our fearless leader, showing that jerk whose boss and breaking that Ursa's legs!"
Jaune simply chuckled sheepishly at Nora's enthusiasm as he said,
"It really wasn't all me Nora. I doubt I would have done better if I didn't follow Pyrrha and Crazy Janitor's advice."
This statement caused looks of confusion amongst the two teams...aside from Blake who seemed to be hiding a knowing smile behind the book she was reading, and Weiss who didn't even seem to care.
Of course that confusion lasted only for a few seconds for young Ruby before she started to smile brightly and cheerily say,
"Really!? Chris gave you some awesome advice too?"
Jaune looked a little confused at that, but before he could respond Nora slung her arm around his shoulders.
"Of course he did! The Boom Master helped Jauny out with some good ol fashion pep talking! Right fearless leader?"
"Well it's nice to know he helped you out Jaune," Pyrrha added with her own soft smile. "Though a part of me can't help but wonder why he did so considering how he acts around us most of the time."
No one but Ren and Blake seemed to notice Nora suddenly looking away in a shifty fashion at that declaration.
"Of course he'd help Jaune! He's my best friend, so as my best friend he'd help out my school best friend without needing any incentive!"
The pure innocence behind Ruby's reasoning seemed to blind the others.
"I'm your school best friend?" Jaune asked. "What about Yang?"
"She's my best sister friend, she doesn't count," she responded as if it was obvious.
"Right, and wouldn't she be here today if it weren't for that same moronic degenerate you're praising?" Weiss scoffed.
Her comment caused anguished gasps of shocks from Nora and Ruby, and a hidden glare from a certain secret cat Faunus.
"Chris is not mo-moro-mo-he isn't stupid!"
"You take that back about our Explosive Expert!" Nora exclaimed.
"Besides, that whole warehouse incident was kind of Yang's fault anyway, but she did it to help him out," Ruby argued.
"Her fault or not, you still have to admit he's quite a reckless person with the enemies he's made." Weiss sighed. "I know you care about him for whatever reason but-"
"It's because he's a good person."
Blake's sudden interruption caused the two teams to look at her in surprise as they did not expect her to join the conversation. However, her book was closed, and she took the two teams' shocked silence as incentive to continue.
"He may not show or act like it, but he does care about us students. He's always helping out the Faunus with their bullies all the time, and he constantly gets involved with Cardin and his team when they go too far."
Blake began to reopen her book as she finished saying,
"You may not like him because he insulted you or for his 'absurd' dust theories, but that doesn't mean he hasn't helped people out."
There was a few seconds of silence as Blake's words set in, and when they did they caused Ruby and Nora to shout their approval while Weiss simply asked,
"And how do you know all this?"
Instead of giving a response Blake just continued to read, which caused Weiss to huff in annoyance. Nora had a knowing look, but that went ignored by the young heiress.
But Blake wasn't about to tell them about how she was keeping tabs on the janitor. How she had seen him sleeping in the supply closet, or his nightly experiments with dust in the halls.
They didn't need to know, that she was watching him for his own safety. The Fang had targeted him due to a misunderstanding, and he was clearly not a predator or a racist.
She watched and waited for the Fang, and once they showed up she'd protect him and clear everything up.
It was her responsibility after all.
}End Omake{
So Blake is a stalker cat-ninja, Weiss is moody, and Nora has apparently added Chris to the team. Looks like Chris has made some changes without even knowing it, and isn't that just the worse kind of changes to make?
So recently I've been obsessed with reading those 'RWBY react to X' fics. You know fics like Into the Arc-hive by animegamer89 and The Infinite Realities of Jaune Arc by Genital WarThunder, which I both highly recommend you all read, and it's got me thinking. What would that type of story be like if the characters of RWBY were reacting to this story?
Of course I discarded that idea to write it myself since I need to focus on finishing this fic, but it left me super curious about it. I could always write it myself, but like I said I need to focus on finishing this fic and well…college is a thing too. That being said if any of you feel like writing something like this I wouldn't object, hell I'd probably jump up and down in pure joy if it were to happen. But I ain't asking, just saying I wouldn't mind.
But never mind all that rambling, it's time to call you guys out as per usual!
Prestige Productions: I always thought Neo and ice cream was just a common thing with the fandom since most of the fics I've read had that. Also, sorry about the wisdom teeth, haven't had mine pulled but I've been told they hurt like a bitch. Get better soon!
PasiveNox: Glad to know you like the humor I'm using!
Agent-007.1: Thanks for enjoying the humor I use as well! As for the odor jokes…well I can't guarantee anything with those since it makes for a good running gag. But who knows, maybe another joke will come along and replace it?
VirusChris: Always nice to hear that my work inspired someone to write! And a huge thanks for all praise about the story too and you aren't the first to tell me that my writing style is…unique. As for shipping well…you'll just have to wait and see hehehehe. Also hope this chapter was up to your expectations!
TM Calypso: I hope my little yandere idea works out as well, but as you know good things take time to build up! And I knida noticed how much ya love cute and crazy. As for psycho Ruby…well I mean if Yang dies that'll probably happen, if not I'm sure there's some fic where she's a yandere (there always is one).
bwburke94: Who knows? As a perverted ninja once said 'look underneath the underneath'.
Engineer455: I've grown tired of this conversation…and I ran out of jokes. I concede to you good sir.
Bomberguy789: Bomber you glorious bastard you this is amazing! Like seriously this is such a cool omake! I mean Chris was there when Ozpin talked with Ruby, but still this is super awesome! Can't wait to see the second hand, my money is on he stays here!
DarkFox17: I'm glad you're continuing to enjoy my story, and I hoped I did Neo proud in this chap. Was a little difficult seeing as the canon info we got on her isn't much, but hey I tried. Thanks for the support, and oh the ideas you've given me with that Green Hornet reference hehehehehe…
Laelucilfer: I wouldn't call myself a cruel author, I'm more of a 'takes every chance to make a joke' kind of author. As for your invitation I'll have to consider it…considering I don't know if this is just a joke or an actual thing hehehehe. But if it is I'm all up for causing chaos, cause where is the fun in making sense?
Guest: You know I'm a bit ashamed that I haven't done that joke even once yet. This will need to be rectified, also you made me laugh my ass off.
Thank you all for reviewing as usual as, honestly, it's one of the things I look forward to the most hehehehe…
As usual don't be afraid to leave any ideas for the fic or Omakes, I always appreciate the extra inspiration and jokes! Plus feedback is always welcomed to help me make this story better!
All logic used in this fic is completely head-canon. If you don't agree that's okay, it's just how I see things.
Our follow count as reached 448, and our favorite count has increased to 325! Honestly I'm getting super hyped since where getting so close to 500 follows and I honestly can't wait! Thank you all so much for all the support!
This has been LightDusk16 signing off!