Folie à Deux

by ItsLeviOsa-NotLevioSA

"In truth, if the last six years had been any indication, sharing the Head position with Malfoy was going to be awful; living with him insufferable. Then again, although he was as caustic as ever, nothing outrageous had happened between the two yet. True, it was only Wednesday, but for them, it was almost a record." My best attempts to write a believable high school fic. Enjoy!

21. I Was Dead By Sunday

Chapter 21: Beautiful Loser or, I Was Dead By Sunday

Rating: M mainly for language, and I can't discount any funny business later on

Disclaimer: I work with only what J.K. Rowling has given me.

---

Rose had been staring up at the canopy of her bed all night.

She'd barely managed to shut her eyes, nevermind keep them closed long enough to sleep. Not that she'd wanted to. Even with something to look at, all they'd done was replay the previous night's events on a torturous loop, over and over again until the images had blurred together and they'd spun meaninglessly behind her eyes.

At the beginning, she'd supposed she'd been in some sort of shock. She'd felt like it at least. But even as the memories had bled together and then fractured apart in ways that had made her wonder if it had all been some incomprehensible dream, it had been hard to tell herself that none of it had been real when she was staring back up at the ceiling of her old dorm room.

Gen had been stunned to see her, but Rose hadn't managed to get an explanation out. She'd only felt a small, sad smile tugging at her lips, and she'd shook her head at her friend before climbing into bed. Although Gen's eyes had instantly been filled with suspicion, she had nodded in reluctant understanding and hadn't pressed her. Rose had dimly heard the surprise of the other girls as they'd eventually filtered in and seen her drapes shut around her bed, but Gen had stepped in immediately and told them to leave her alone. She'd been grateful, and kept quiet in the hopes that Gen would think she'd drifted off to sleep, but even after the others had retired to bed as well, Rose had seen how the shadow of Gen's profile had shifted, lingering heavily on Rose's bed, and Rose had stared at it with empty eyes and an unsummonable heart, long after Gen had turned away and gotten into her own bed.

The first few hours had actually been the easiest. She'd held onto the flow of anger that had sparked through her; she knew how to be mad at Scorpius Malfoy, and the familiarity of it had been strangely comforting. But as the night had drawn on, she'd felt the shift as that had slowly ebbed away, and in its place had been a new, alien feeling — a cold, drowning hurt that had crawled over her body, claiming her fully in a way that the anger hadn't been able to. A dim voice in her head had whispered if this was what heartbreak felt like, and she'd automatically tried to laugh it off, telling herself that she was being ridiculous and dramatic, and that this was a mere blip in the grand scheme of things, something she would forget entirely in the years to come, but the ghostly thought had continued to whisper, continued to breathe life inside of her while the bleak laughter had almost instantly slipped away, and she'd curled tighter into herself, chest wrenching.

She continued to stare above her until the familiar shadow that the window pane cast across her drapes appeared. After watching it lengthen for a few minutes, she reached out a wary hand and pulled open one of the drapes to see the first indication of daylight.

She stared out at it for a protracted moment, and then pulled off the covers and silently swung her legs off the side of the bed. Her aching body immediately began to protest, stiff from lying down in jeans for an entire night, but she ignored its pleas and slipped her feet back into her shoes. The morning was misty, so she plodded quietly over towards the wardrobe on her right and grabbed the first warm thing she saw; Gen wouldn't mind.

She looked at her bedside table. It had only the book she had checked out from the library last night. She picked it up and left the dorm.

She had no idea what she looked like — though she didn't have high hopes — but that didn't seem important as she trudged down the stairs back into the gloomy Common Room. It was deserted, as to be expected this early on a Sunday morning, but it felt colder and more unwelcoming than Rose was used to, and she left without lingering.

She didn't see or hear another soul as she made her way down the Grand Staircase. She barely knew where she was going, only that it felt good to be moving, to leave her dorm and sleepless night behind her. It dimly struck her as she was walking that she was guaranteed to have ruined her chances of studying today, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

The crisp morning air that had been floating gently throughout the castle was suddenly like a cold sheet to the face as Rose stepped outside of the Entrance Hall. She almost liked the shock of it — it gave her body something else to focus on — but she nevertheless found herself rubbing at her arms as she tried to warm up a little. She knew where she was heading now, and she continued to wander over towards her birch tree, its bowing branches swaying lightly in the morning breeze.

She ducked underneath the drooping, familiar green, but then suddenly paused, overtaken by the revelation that although her eyes immediately sought out the same thing they always did, she now felt nothing at all as she stared at it.

Her fingers tentatively reached out and ran themselves over the carving on the tree, tracing the letters engraved so carefully into the mottled bark. She remembered when Nate had done it, of course, how she had been scandalised at first before it had turned into a shy kind of elation, but still, it evoked no real memories, no real feelings.

Is it weird? Being out here with me instead of him?

Her fingers snapped away and she clenched them tightly, feeling her heart stumble in her chest. The memories surged through her now — the rain that had dripped through his hair and down his neck, the fact that she'd been able to see every bead as they had glistened on his skin; he'd been sitting that close. The track cut into the dirt from the stick that he'd been playing with as he'd avoided meeting her gaze while bringing up things she'd never dreamed he would ever bring up.

Why do you think it's so easy for some people to just…decide they want to be together, and they just do it.

She abruptly changed her mind and left.

She made her way back down the hill and chose instead to sit down by the trees that stood over the lake. The rising sun was reflecting beautifully against the water's surface, sending crystal orbs of light shimmering in the air. She sat there watching it for a long time, bundled up in Gen's jumper even as the sun emerged fully and the mistiness of the dawn burned away.

She had no idea how much time had passed before something in the reflection of the lake suddenly caught her attention, and she immediately twisted around to see an uncertain Will drawing to a stop behind her. He raised a shy hand in greeting, a velvety-looking throw bundled up in his arms.

"Will," she said in surprise. It was the first word she'd spoken since she had left Scorpius standing in that corridor, and her throat tightened at the realisation. She shook it off and summoned up a smile. "What are you doing up so early on a Sunday?"

Will shrugged and began to lower himself down beside her. "Practicing," he replied easily. "I've almost gotten the hang of the Severing Charm."

Rose nudged him gently. "I said you could do it."

Will gave a modest little nod. "Do you want this?" he offered, holding out the throw to her. "You look cold."

Rose accepted it gratefully, pulling it over her arms and chest, and tucking her knees up. Next to her, Will shuffled around a little, stretching his legs out as he attempted to get more comfortable. They sat in silence — usually Rose would've broken it, but she just couldn't summon up the energy today — until Will cleared his throat quietly and said, "I was practicing, but um…I came out here because I was worried about you."

Rose looked at him in surprise.

"I saw you come into the Common Room last night," he admitted. 'You looked…really sad, and then I was working there a little while ago, and I saw Genevieve Chang come down the stairs. She looked like she was looking for you." His cheeks reddened. "So I thought, where would you go if you were awake before anyone else? So I came out here."

Rose felt a little smile turn up her lips. "That was very deductive of you," she said finally, managing some lightness in her voice. Will smiled in response, and some part of her began to feebly rack its brain for something else to say, to keep the mood from dampening, but instead she just felt herself let out a breath and droop.

Will cleared his throat. "You don't need to say anything," he said in a little reassuring voice. "We can just sit here if you like."

Rose felt a little burble of laughter escape her throat, insanely, and she shook her head. "You're really something, Will," she said softly after a moment.

A thought suddenly pricked at her. It was something she'd vaguely known for a while but had kept in the back of her mind, but now it began to tug, and before she could wonder why she was asking or why it even mattered, she heard herself murmuring, "How come you never told me that Scorpius Malfoy's mother is your aunt?"

Will blinked at her. "I…I thought you would've put it together yourself," he said after he'd had time to digest her words. He paused. "Plus, you didn't use to like him very much." He fidgeted a little with his hands before looking back at her and cocking his head. "Why didn't you ask me about it?"

Rose considered that for a long moment. "I guess I didn't like him very much," she eventually agreed. Her heart gave a dull lurch, and she blinked several times, bundling herself into the blanket as a chill swept through her body. There was a part of her that never wanted to think about him or any of it ever again, but there was another part that was still seeking blindly to understand, to wrap her head around what had happened, and it pushed the next words out of her mouth. "Are you two close?" Maybe it was just to hold him in her mind for a little longer.

Will thought about that for a little while. "Sort of," he said diplomatically. "But it was hard to be close when he was much older than me."

He picked at some blades of grass and rolled them around in his hands, sending the sweet, sharp scent spiralling into the clean air. He shifted a little, and Rose felt something change in his demeanour.

"The reason I go by Greengrass," he began quietly, "is because my father left when I was seven. My mother started going by her family name again, and so did I."

Rose was silent, waiting for him to continue.

"We stayed with Aunt Astoria for a while after that happened. My mum didn't want to be alone. I…Scorpius didn't really know how to help, he…well, he was the age I am now. But he used to find things to do with me." A smile pricked at his lips. "You know he taught me how to play Quidditch?"

Rose's eyes widened, and she instantly shook her head.

Will blushed a little but nodded with surprising confidence. "I wasn't any good at the start, but we would practice everyday over the summer. My uncle Draco taught Scorpius when he was young, so I guess he wanted to…to make me feel like I had someone to do those things with too."

Rose shifted uncomfortably under the blanket. She had seen the side of him that Will was talking about; this strangely warm, empathetic side that wanted to do those things, to help. She had never seen it more clearly than she had yesterday.

I'm not what you want. You don't want to be with someone like me. The memory of his face suddenly surfaced back into her mind, the way he had stumbled over his words in that defeated voice, worlds away from the poised and self-possessed persona he had always presented. He had believed every word he'd said, she knew that beyond a doubt.

She could feel Will fidgeting beside her, and she wasn't surprised when, after a prolonged silence, he asked quietly, "Is he the reason why you're sad?"

The softness in his voice, the innocence behind it was almost her undoing, and she immediately swallowed when tightness clamped against the back of her throat, as it had threatened to do so many times throughout the night. She felt the sudden wash of heat on her cheeks, but she knew she couldn't cry in front of Will, and that knowledge gave her the most minuscule bit of assuredness, and somehow it was enough. She forced herself to relax. "Yes."

Will's brow creased at her admittance. "I—I don't think he meant to," he said, his voice a little uncertain, and Rose felt a little sorrowful, hopeless laugh slip past her lips. A look of surprise crossed Will's face, but after a moment, he repeated, more surely, "He wouldn't want to make you sad."

Rose sniffed and instinctively rubbed at her nose, taking in a deep breath. "I know," she exhaled softly, and the fact that she fully believed it made it somehow worse. "But I just don't…I…we were—we were happy. I mean, I thought we…" She let out a shaky breath, feeling more wretched than she could've thought possible. "He made me so happy. So happy, I just…" She broke off, all of a sudden not wanting to say anything else, maybe not knowing what else to say.

His face in the corridor struck her again. Despite his honesty, there had been a guardedness to him, a closedness in his expression, one that had made her want to scream at him, to tell her what was so horrible about all of this, to explain what was so wrong when it felt like the exact opposite, but she'd been able to see the grim resolve in his eyes, and she'd instantly realised that there was nothing she could've said that would've made any difference.

I've felt this way since we kissed.

She felt a tremble ripple through her.

"I don't know," she whispered plaintively, and she tucked her chin in even tighter before she turned away and stared out at the sunlight as it sparkled off the surface of the lake.

---

Scorpius stared up at the beams of light that the morning sun had slatted across his ceiling.

He had watched the soft darkness of his room give way to the first glimmers of dawn as it had seeped in through his window, irritating his raw, tired eyes. He hadn't moved; not even to draw his curtains.

It hadn't surprised him that sleep had never come for him. In fact, he was sure that some part of him had known it from the beginning, from the very moment he'd seen her coming out of the library. Maybe that was why he had stayed out on the sofas for so long, reading his birthday card and fiddling with a cake that he didn't even have the stomach to eat; he'd merely been prolonging the inevitable.

Still, the sun had seemed almost taunting as it had woke and he had still not slept, because now what was the fucking point of it all? Wasn't that why he had done it? To get one fucking night's rest?

He had also never heard Rose come in.

He continued to lie in bed for hours, the shadows shifting warily above him, until eventually the muffled sound of movement pricked at his ears, jolting his mind awake. He had been dreading and craving this moment in equal measure, but now his heart began to thud in his chest, head spinning.

The footsteps padded quietly along the floor, and if they stopped now, it would be Rose, but if they got nearer—

There was a light knock on his door, and Toby's familiar voice followed a moment later. "Scorp? It's me."

The sound sent a pang through his chest, and he instantly struggled to sit up. "Come in," he croaked.

The door handle twisted, and Toby's voice, as always, entered before he did. "Seriously, I thought maybe somebody got a little too carried away last night and was making up for it now, but then I saw Rose eating breakfast in the Hall, though I'll be honest, she didn't look like she slept much either. Oh, and I see you opened the gift from your parents — I brought it back from the Owlery, you're welcome, by the way—" His gaze settled on Scorpius and he frowned before he let the door click shut behind him. "Scorp, it's past eleven, mate, what are you still doing in bed?" Toby cocked his head, his face scrunching up in thought. "You know, what's weird is that Liv didn't come down to breakfast either."

Scorpius stared at the tray in his arms, laden with a full English breakfast, a banana, a muffin, and a glass of orange juice. Toby deposited the tray on his desk and picked up the muffin, offering it to him.

As he watched Scorpius wordlessly accept it, Toby's expression grew more serious, his eyes narrowing as he scrutinised his friend critically. "Scorp, I'm just gonna put this out there: you look terrible. Did you sleep last night? And are you—are you still in yesterday's clothes?"

Scorpius numbly shook his head.

"Listen, I haven't wanted to bring this up, but those bags seem to be taking up permanent residence under your eyes, and our exams start in two weeks, it's not exactly a good time to be fucking up your sleep schedule. Honestly, you should just take-"

"Why didn't you tell me you still have feelings for Liv?"

Toby froze, startled. But after a long moment, he heaved a resigned sigh and slowly lowered himself down onto the edge of Scorpius' bed. "Is that what she told you?" he said finally.

Scorpius nodded. "Yes, but…it—it wasn't about you, exactly. Not to begin with. I mean, I don't think she was planning on…telling me or anything."

The shift in Toby's expression was almost imperceptible. "What happened between you two last night?"

Scorpius thought back to his good mood, how much he had enjoyed his birthday, how reading Snape's book had been the only thing on his mind. He remembered how nice he was about to be, how Horatio hadn't even been a fleck of dust in the sky, he was that magnificently insignificant to him. They could've been on top of each other right in front of him and it wouldn't have dampened his good mood.

Despite that, the night as a whole felt absurdly hazy to him now. It was as if his brain had reeled out only a portion of it and rewound it over and over, and he actually had to think back to how the conversation had even started.

"Something happened between her and Horatio," he heard himself start before he felt ready to, and when he saw how Toby immediately stiffened at the sound of his name, he realised how obvious it was to him now, how many hints just like this he'd missed. Or maybe just not cared enough to notice. "She said something about Horatio not—not wanting them to be together. I guess, to make things official between them."

Toby's eyes were unreadable. "Did she say why?"

Scorpius nodded as he glanced up briefly, unwilling to meet Toby's gaze. "Because of how she cheated on me." He'd never said the words out loud before, and it felt like an admission, a knock to his pride that he'd never had to square with until now.

Toby's eyes went hard. "With him."

Scorpius nodded again.

"Hypocritical bastard," Toby muttered darkly in a voice of such genuine bitterness that Scorpius had rarely heard it. He shook his head. "So how did it loop onto, you know, me?"

The guilt squeezed against Scorpius' chest at the memory, and his breath held a little longer before he exhaled. "She said something about how she and Horatio's relationship was messed up from the beginning, and how she'd" — he didn't want to make eye contact again — "ruined her chances with the only person who'd ever really cared about her." And to think what we've had to have put him through for all of these years, and yet Toby's been a better friend to us than either you or I deserved—

He couldn't bring himself to say that part, so after a long pause he just said quietly, "You."

Toby was silent for a long time — it might've been the longest Scorpius had ever heard him go without talking — and Scorpius didn't know what else to say, so he didn't continue. His gaze drifted over to the breakfast tray on his desk, all of the food going cold.

He bit his lip and took another breath. "Is it true?" he finally had to ask. "That she fucked things up between you two?" He let the edge of the sheet fall between his fingers as the memory of Toby's abysmally-wrapped birthday present materialised in his mind. "I did notice some weirdness between you guys after Easter."

Toby's gaze instantly snapped to his. "You know nothing happened, right?"

Scorpius nodded, the guilt burrowing even deeper within his chest, because of course Toby was trying to reassure him, even at a time like this.

Toby ran a hand through his hair and continued, "I didn't even know she liked me back until…" He paused, his face slackening in sudden realisation. "Well, shit, I guess this would be the first time I'm actually hearing about it."

Scorpius didn't know what to reply to that. He briefly thought about congratulating him, but he didn't think they were there yet. To be fair, he'd never dreamed that he'd be having this conversation with Toby; he wasn't completely certain they were even having it now. Maybe he'd finally fallen asleep. Except he was so fucking tired.

He didn't want to have to say it, but he found himself saying it anyway. "You know I had no idea, right? That time in fourth year, you know…"

It hadn't been a secret that Toby had had a little thing for Liv early on in their friendship, but Scorpius had asked him about it then. He still remembered Toby's reply, the casual wave of his hand as he'd immediately shrugged him off. Naw, man, that fizzled out a long time ago. If Liv wants you guys to go to Hogsmeade, be my guest. His smile had been bright. Maybe too bright, Scorpius thought now.

He sighed heavily. "You should've said."

Toby shrugged, but he didn't move his gaze from the duvet. "What would've been the point? Liv never liked me back, why ruin things for you two as well?"

Scorpius remembered back to all of the failed Hogsmeade trips, all of the fights, and the one who was always there to mediate.

He had never even wanted to go on that first Hogsmeade trip with her in the first place.

"You should've said," he only repeated.

Toby's eyes flicked up towards him, and after seeing the look on Scorpius' face, he sighed ruefully. "Listen, Scorp, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that it's been easy on me all these years, but there's no point dredging up old shit that can't be changed now." He maintained their gaze. "I don't blame you for any of it."

Scorpius suddenly recalled the disbelief on Liv's face, the wonder in her voice as she'd gaped at him. He shook his head. "How come she could see it and I couldn't?" he asked, though he didn't know who he was asking.

Toby shrugged, grimacing. "I'm a good actor?"

"You're not," Scorpius replied flatly.

"Or I'm so good that you think I'm not."

"Stop trying to make me feel better."

Toby paused. "Maybe you're the one I'm really in love with."

Scorpius instinctively snorted, but then said with a subdued sigh, "I should be so lucky."

A smile pricked at Toby's lips, but then his expression sobered. "You never saw her as someone worthy of love," he said quietly after a long moment. "That's why you never knew."

The teasing edge his voice had taken on had disappeared entirely, and Scorpius felt his stomach curdle, cold shame winding in between the guilt in a sickening mixture.

"I think she knew it too. Deep down, that you never really felt that way about her," Toby continued in that same quiet voice. "Or that you ever would. But I think it's why she fought so hard to keep you; it would be easier to watch you give only half of yourself to her than to be forced to watch you give yourself fully to someone else."

There was that fight that Liv and Rose had had, the rumours that had swirled about what Liv had said, and all before anything had even happened between him and Rose — and it was another blow to his already numb body every time he thought about her — and it occurred to him for the first time how hurt Liv had probably been, how hurt she probably was, by his and Rose's relationship. It hadn't even crossed his mind how Liv would feel about it. Of course it hadn't. And yet she had never brought it up, never revealed any kind of resentment towards him for any of it.

Well, she doesn't have to worry about that anymore, Scorpius thought, his heart piercing. He dimly wondered whether that would make her happy.

"So what about you guys then?" Toby asked, cutting off his thoughts. "Does this mean you're on the outs again?"

"I have no idea," Scorpius said truthfully after a moment of silence.

"Well, fuck, because we're not exactly on speaking terms either." But his face had already softened, the conviction fading from around his mouth, his shoulders. He raked a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'll talk to her. She's probably in a bad way too since she didn't come down for breakfast either." He paused and then said, "I don't want her to be alone."

Scorpius hesitated, and then nodded.

Toby straightened, and his gaze flicked towards Scorpius' door. "Will Rose come and check on you when she finishes eating, do you think?"

Scorpius almost cringed at the sound of her name. He looked down. "I doubt it." At the silence that followed, he flicked his eyes back up to meet Toby's gaze. "I broke things off with her last night. I'm pretty sure I'm about the last person she wants to see right now."

Toby looked shocked. After several seconds where he sat blinking at him, he said, his brow furrowed. "I…I thought you liked her."

Another blow. "I did."

Toby seemed to gauge enough from his tone that Scorpius didn't want to press the matter any further, so he just nodded slowly, and after a moment, his eyes slid towards Scorpius' desk. "Your breakfast's probably cold."

"That's okay."

Toby nodded again and rose from Scorpius' bed. As he reached the bedpost, he paused. "You know, a significant plus of being a Potions prodigy is that you always have a perfect sleeping potion on hand somewhere in here."

After a blink, Scorpius acquiesced him with a little nod but didn't answer, and Toby just shook his head a little and reached for the door handle. Scorpius watched him, and, suddenly filled with uncertainty, before Toby could leave—

"We're okay, right? You and me?"

He saw Toby still for a moment, and then he turned back around, a sad smile on his face. "Course we are." He paused again, and then jerked his head at the bathroom. "Take the potion," he repeated, and then he was gone.

---

Scorpius took the potion.

He told himself that he was doing it for Toby's sake, because Toby had asked him to, which had felt like a good enough reason when he was rummaging around in his bathroom cupboard for it.

When he opened his eyes again, his body was so curiously calm and sated that he continued to stay still for a few long moments, aware only of the in-and-out pattern of his breath. After a minute or two, he craned his head towards his bedside table to check the time. It was after eight, which was as close as he'd been able to tell from the dim glow that had already begun to ebb from behind the drawn curtains of his window.

The grogginess still lingering, he slowly climbed out from beneath his covers and drifted towards the bathroom to splash some water onto his face, doubling back only to retrieve the empty vial on his bedside table, and as he rinsed it out in the sink, it occurred to him that he hadn't dreamt at all. Over the past month, in the few morning hours that he'd managed, he remembered only brief flashes of images, vivid but meaningless, yet the thought of his mind being so restless even in sleep had been enough to stir some discomfort within him. He turned the little vial on its head to let it dry, and then paused as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

The bright lights above him were harsh, and they brought out the dark bags underneath his eyes, making his face look more gaunt than it was. He was also in desperate need of a shower. He loitered by his reflection for a moment longer, staring at the clothes he was still wearing from the day before, the vague, faded scent of his cologne still clinging to the fabric.

His breakfast was still sitting on his desk, and he picked at the muffin and banana and drained the orange juice that Toby had brought for him, even though he wasn't really hungry. His brain still felt all foggy, though he knew that that was just the potion still in his system. He'd tried to alter the formula slightly to minimise the residual effects, but maybe it hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped.

After hovering by the desk and the tray of food that he wasn't going to eat, Scorpius had to admit that he'd put it off for long enough, and he slowly headed back into his bathroom. He began to peel off his clothes, leaving them on a pile on the floor to deal with later, and stepped into the shower.

It felt stupid and pitiful to even think it, but he couldn't help but feel as if he was washing away the last piece of evidence he'd had from last night, as if his clothes had held the last vestiges of the memories he'd had of her, but he forced himself to concentrate on the fresh, minty scent of his shampoo instead, and he ran it down his arms, over his torso, allowing the aroma to overpower his senses and fill his brain.

After he'd brushed his teeth and put on a new pair of clothes, he decided that he had wasted enough of the day, and returned to his desk in an attempt to get some studying done. His shower had not fully ridden him of the lingering grogginess floating around in his body, but it had been a while now, too long for the potion to still be affecting him, and he realised belatedly that perhaps he was merely feeling the effects of a good night's — day's — rest.

He shook his head, dazed by the revelation that it had been that long since he'd last felt it that he could no longer recognise it, and went to pick up his Charms textbook.

Except it was the other book on his desk that he found himself reaching for, and he paused, his eyes tracing over the worn text on the cover, the faded, greying picture of the once black cauldron. He hesitated, and then his fingers followed along those same indents, over and over again, maybe to give them something to do in lieu of actually opening it.

Looking at it now felt like steeping back into that never-ending sadness all over again, but this time the guilt was almost worse. He drew his hand back, and he felt the sleepy tranquility that had blanketed his body begin to slip away, leaving his chest aching with the melancholy and shame in its wake.

He remained at his desk for a moment longer, and then, before he could change his mind, he walked over to his wardrobe.

He prised it open and slowly began to push aside all of his clothes until he had reached the very back of it, and it was from there that he carefully pulled something out. It was draped in a black curtain, which he'd added for extra security to make absolutely sure that she wouldn't see it by accident, and he slid it off now, the fabric rippling beautifully as it fell to the floor.

The globe was glowing faintly, pulsing a gentle blue as crystal orbs floated aimlessly in the water beneath its glassy surface. Scorpius touched his hands to the base and shook it softly, watching as the water lapped and rolled, and the sparkling light slowly intensified, the blue orbs becoming almost white with a brilliance that filled his entire room.

This…this is real magic, she had breathed as they had crouched by that tank in Greenhouse Six.

This thing that he was holding in his hands was the best replica he could come up with. It hadn't been difficult to make — and had only taken the morning and most of the afternoon yesterday, and really, for Scorpius' standards it had been almost too easy — which he supposed had made it easier to justify. Just some small adaptions to the Lumos Charm; he'd had to look them up, but that hadn't taken long either. Rose probably wouldn't have needed to. She probably could've made the gift even better than he had.

He stared at it, this stupidly thoughtful, corny, so-unlike-him gift that he'd been planning on giving her. He'd intended it to be a belated birthday present, because she had given him one and it was only right that he return the favour, but if she'd waved that off on account of her birthday having been six months earlier, he would've made up some other excuse. It didn't have to be a birthday present. That didn't matter.

The sadness suddenly felt like it was swallowing him whole, and he felt his hands begin to quiver. He abruptly pulled the drape back over it, the light still flickering feebly through, but it would fade eventually. He should really throw the whole thing away, he would never get any use out of it himself; de-Charm it and pour the water down the drain and pretend the empty globe had never been anything more.

He sighed, and then bent down and returned it to the deepest part of his wardrobe, out of sight.

His room felt too dark now, so he wandered over to the window, to the golden glow still holding on beyond his drapes, and pulled them open.

Sunset was upon them, the sky exploding into a watercolour of oranges and pinks and yellows and purples, and Scorpius stared out at it, watching the day that he had slept through disappear.

Not that it wasn't beautiful. He'd…he'd been going to ask her if she'd wanted to have a picnic with him one day outside, maybe after their exams were done. Something with food and drinks and a blanket or two, and Rose was too practical to ever forget to bring a jacket, but he wished she would all the same, because there was something about seeing her in his clothes that made his chest go all warm, and he thought again of how gorgeous she would've looked as the sun went down behind her, that hair of hers lighting up just like it had done during that very first day in detention and stopped him short.

It was the kind of date that Liv would've begged him for if she hadn't been so proud. The kind he knew she would've loved but that he had never taken her on, because, well, he and Liv had never done anything romantic, now that he thought about it. He'd never wanted to do any of that stuff with her.

I think she knew it too. Deep down, that you never really felt that way about her.

His fingers dug into the thick drapes, clenching around the fabric, and when he released it, the curtain swung closed again.

You never saw her as someone worthy of love.

He looked down at the desk and abruptly picked his birthday gift back up. He couldn't keep it — he couldn't even bear to look at it — and he decided that the longer he waited, the weirder and more drawn out the whole thing would get. He grabbed his schoolbag from the floor; he would work outside in the sofa area and when she came in he would give it back to her, and then maybe the hand around his heart would loosen a little bit more. Well, whether it did or it didn't, it didn't change anything.

He exited his room with the book gripped in his hand and his schoolbag in the other, and when he looked up, he suddenly saw Rose walking in through the portrait hole. His heart froze in his chest as their eyes locked.

After a startled moment, she recovered, breaking their gaze and looking down. Not because she was afraid or unable to keep contact, but more like she couldn't bear the sight of him. It hurt more than Scorpius thought possible, a piercing sadness so different and so much worse than the one that had ached inside him all night and day.

Neither of them moved, and silence quickly settled over the room, blanketing them in an emptiness so heavy it felt almost claustrophobic, and it was unbearable. It struck him then how often Rose was the one who broke their silences, who made the first move, leaving him only to follow with relief in her capable lead. Maybe that was why this was so unbearable: this time he knew she wasn't going to speak first.

There had to be a way to salvage this, to start somewhere, he thought desperately. He suddenly remembered back to what he'd tried to say yesterday, and the idea gripped him, a selfishness taking root, one that needed her to stay in his life. He couldn't watch her walk out of his life.

We could be friends.

He took a deep, steeling breath before stepping forward. "Hi," he said. His voice came out all croaky, and he felt like he was talking around marbles, but her eyes flitted back towards him.

After a moment, she gave a little nod. "Hi," she answered, her voice empty. She didn't move.

The sunlight was disappearing behind the window, darkening the room as they stood within it, and a wave of longing washed over him again, stronger, now that she was here in front of him. It felt like everything he had let go of; the sunset, the picnic, the sight of her in his clothes. The present hidden in his closet that would never see the light of day.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, finally.

Rose smiled thinly, her hands clasping together. "Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Scorpius looked at the bags under her eyes, matched only by the ones under his. He fumbled through a nod and then dropped his gaze, blinking, not knowing how to proceed. "Well, um…I'm glad you're okay."

The tension in her face remained unchanged. After a moment, she nodded a little curtly and shifted her rucksack on her shoulder. "Well, I have homework to get started on—"

She made to turn towards her room, but Scorpius' legs had moved of their own accord, and before he knew it he had crossed the sofas and was standing in front of her. He hadn't missed the way she'd flinched at the sight of him moving closer, and he instinctively stepped back, hurt closing over his chest.

He braved past it and held the book up to her.

A look of recognition crossed her expression at the sight of it, the tiniest of creases appearing in her brow.

Scorpius' fingers tapped uncomfortably against the book's spine, and the enormity of giving this book back to her suddenly struck him, this book that had become one of the most precious things he'd owned in the short time he'd held it in his possession; and yet, holding it up to her now, the significance of it had just as quickly paled in comparison to the look on her face.

"I…" He swallowed, and her eyes flicked back to his. "I…" he began again, and then he sighed. "Do you want this back?" he asked quietly. "It feels weird to keep it now."

She looked down again, not at the book, not at anything, it seemed, and after a moment of silence, she shook her head. "I meant what I said. That hasn't changed."

He couldn't pick anything out from her eyes; they were a canvas of blankness, so carefully non-expressive and so alien on her face that there was no way that she wasn't doing it on purpose. The book hovered where it was between them.

She saw through his hesitance and sighed. "I'm serious. Make good use of it and I'll consider it a gift well-given."

He stared at her and, after belatedly remembering, managed out a soft, "Thank you." He didn't know what else to say so he just pulled the book towards his chest and held it there.

Rose gave another little nod. "Alright then," she said, and turned to her door again.

"Wait—" He reached out a gentle hand and touched her shoulder quickly. She didn't flinch this time, but she didn't turn around.

He stared at the part of her shoulder blade that he had touched and said, "Rose, we…we can't keep edging around each other like this. I mean, we live together."

She stayed with her back to him for a while. He stood, waiting for her, until finally he heard a little sigh before she turned around to face him.

"What do you want from me, Scorpius?"

The resignation in her voice, the way it hung heavily around his name, made him wish she had just called him "Malfoy" again. He could take an angry Rose — hell, he'd loved an angry Rose — but this Rose was like a shell of the real thing.

"How do you want me to go about this?" She pushed some hair away from her face, strands that had come loose from her ponytail, and she breathed in deeply, straightening. "I know you have feelings for me and I can't pretend otherwise. I also know that you know how I feel, so it's not as if I can act as if those feelings aren't there either." Her mouth curved into an empty smile. "And it's not like we can fake like we hate each other anymore."

Somehow this should've been better. Scorpius could feel the tension that crackled around them again, instead of the dead, empty, silence, and this Rose should've been better too because at least she didn't look like she'd just been punched in the gut. But it wasn't. It just felt incredibly sad.

The back of his throat suddenly clenched, and he blinked a few times to steady himself.

"I'm sorry," he murmured after a moment. "You're right." But the air was dying around them again, and that same selfishness, that same longing within him, fought to keep it alive. "But we can't keep going on like this. For both of our sakes."

There it was again. For both of our sakes. He thought about shutting up there and then. He'd done enough for both of their sakes already.

His mouth didn't listen. "We can be civil, can't we?" This, he supposed, was already sort of that, but this fucking sucked. "And then..." He tried not to let too much hopefulness creep into his voice. "Maybe…we could give being friends a go."

Rose continued to stare at him with that same masked expression, and he waited, heart thudding.

"I don't know how to be friends with you," she said finally. And then she turned away from him, walked into her room and shut the door behind her.

---

"Firstly," McGonagall said, "I want to thank the two of you for taking time away from your studies in order to help organise this event. It may be hard to cast your gazes past your looming examinations, but I'm sure this will be something to look forward to. However, we'll try to keep this meeting as brief as possible." The headmistress shifted some papers on her desk and paused for a moment. "That being said, there is something I feel I must bring up with the both of you before we get started."

Something in her voice made Scorpius' insides tense a little, and his eyes automatically shifted to the girl beside him for the briefest moment.

Rose's gaze was straight ahead, predictably; after a brief and unenthusiastic greeting, she had not spared him a glance since he'd arrived. She also hadn't looked at nor spoken to him since their conversation in their dorm three days before.

McGonagall cleared her throat. "I am not one to pay heed to castle gossip, however I do occasionally turn my eye to the reportings of the Daily Prophet, where it has become apparent to me that your, shall we say, working relationship has progressed towards something more…significant."

Scorpius' body rooted itself to his chair.

"As you know," the headmistress continued, oblivious to the fact that the room had suddenly become devoid of all air, "the Common Rooms have functions that deliberately address these sorts of things, however, such measures do not exist in the Heads' dormitory."

He knew he should say something, because there was almost no plausible way that whatever she was going to say next wasn't going to make this a hundred times worse than it already was, but he couldn't get any part of his body to work. He simply sat, motionless, as despair swallowed him whole.

McGonagall paused, and in the sudden silence of the room, and over the din of his brain, Scorpius could hear the almost inaudible sound of Rose breathing beside him.

It was fully controlled, in and out in a perfectly even rhythm, and that small thing betrayed her entirely.

The thought snapped his body awake, and he immediately snuck another, longer, look towards her. As expected, she was still staring devoutly at their headmistress, her expression giving nothing away, but he knew she could feel the weight of his gaze, and some childish part of him hoped it would prompt her to look at him. Just for a moment.

"Now, I am not about to impose such restrictions in your shared dormitory, because I am sure the two of you are responsible enough to keep boundaries and not to take advantage of your particular housing situation." McGonagall lowered her gaze so that she could peer at them over the rim of her spectacles, and suddenly all Scorpius could think about was that discomforting muddy picture on Rose's bedside table, and the fact that the only reason he was able to think about it at all was because he'd been lying in her bed beside her. "An element of trust has been built up between the three of us. I am counting on it when I say that I trust you to draw the line where it is appropriate-"

"You don't need to worry about that, Professor."

The sound of Rose's voice cut like a knife through the still air, and Scorpius had to physically stop his body from looking at her again.

The headmistress' gaze shifted so that she was staring Rose straight in the eyes. "Yes, Miss Weasley, I do. As I said, I'm sure the two of you are very responsible young adults, but as the case might be, you are two young adults of an age where-"

"We're not together anymore, Professor. So you don't need to worry about that." Her voice was steady and clear, and almost painfully devoid of emotion.

McGonagall stopped, and Scorpius sensed the shift as her eyes moved to him. His own were fixed to her desk.

He felt the weight of her gaze pinning him, but still, he couldn't raise his own from the table. He couldn't do a fucking thing.

Silence hung over the room for a torturously long moment, and then he felt her eyes leave him, and she sat back in her chair.

"I see," she said.

Rose cleared her throat and, still not having spared him even half a glance, leaned forward professionally. "So, you were saying, the End of Year Ball."

The tone of her voice closed the topic firmly, and McGonagall's eyes flickered towards Scorpius one last time before she obliged, nodding briskly and retrieving a parchment and quill from her stack. "Yes. Now, as you're both aware, the prefects will bear the brunt of the organisational demands for this event, however you will remember that during our last meeting, I asked the pair of you to come up with a theme that the prefects can work from. Have you decided on this?" After a pause, she added, deliberately, "Mr Malfoy?"

Scorpius blinked and looked up, and suddenly, he could feel Rose's eyes on him. She turned away as soon as their eyes met, and Scorpius felt his chest constrict.

"Yes," he said, his voice coming out hoarse, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "We decided on Old Hollywood."

They'd decided on the theme weeks ago, lounging on the sofas after dinner, Rose curled up against him as she read through her finished Charms essay.

"Hey, what about Masquerade?"

Rose had looked up, smiling wryly. "Three years ago."

"Met Gala?"

She'd shook her head in disbelief, laughing. "You're such a rich boy."

He'd instantly poked her in the side. "Why do you always say that about my ideas?" She'd laughed harder then, batting his hands away and refusing to answer, and then shrieked as his fingers had begun to tickle her mercilessly instead.

"Remember — last — week — when — you — suggested —that — everyone — should — wear — jewels?"

He'd relented, smiling at the giddiness in her voice, and she'd continued after swallowing, still breathless, "Like smothering yourself in diamonds is some sort of appropriate theme for a bunch of teenagers."

He'd paused, begrudgingly considering that, and then he'd given her another squeeze. "So what're your ideas then?"

She'd shifted against him, getting more comfortable. "I was thinking last night, actually. What about a 1920's speakeasy?" She'd grinned before adding, "Don't worry, the fancy, ballroom type, not the dingy backroom type."

He'd automatically made a face at her, but then nodded thoughtfully as the idea had set in. "That's not bad, actually. And as far as I know, no one's done it before."

"Mm-hmm."

Then he'd grinned. "You do realise these were illicit gatherings, though, Weasley? Led to a boom in organised crime and all that?"

She'd shrugged. "I mean, it's not like we're advocating for that, though you do have a point."

An idea had suddenly struck him. "Hey, what about Old Hollywood instead? It still covers the whole speakeasy thing, but it's not directly based on it."

Her face had lit up, and she'd grinned an earth-shattering grin at him. "I like it. Stroke of genius, really."

He'd pricked at her side. "So now you don't mind people who aren't scrambling for money." She'd elbowed him with another laugh, and after a pause he'd murmured coyly, "You just want to see me in a fedora, Weasley."

She'd scrutinised him, drawing in the side of her mouth thoughtfully. "You know, I'm not sure you have the bone structure for it."

He'd assumed an expression of faux indignation, just to see her smile again, and when she did, he'd pulled her against him and whispered, "I happen to look excellent in hats," before his fingers resumed their tickling and she'd lapsed into breathless laughter again.

The memory made his heart ache.

Across from him, McGonagall nodded approvingly. "A fine theme, and one that no doubt speaks to young people like yourselves."

"That's what we were hoping," Rose said. "Especially given that it's to celebrate the end of exams. We thought it was especially appropriate."

It was funny how easily they were managing to slip back into this. They'd always been good at it, really, this facade of civility; putting the interests of their work ahead of any personal issues they might share. Except now it just felt sad.

McGonagall raised a brow. "Though you do realise that the Prohibition era was infamous for how it led to the creation of illicit establishments where alcoholic beverages were sold?"

They exchanged a glance in a quick, instinctive moment, and Scorpius' stomach twisted at the thought of her warm, laughing body as she squealed breathlessly against him. Something had flickered through her eyes as they'd met his, and he knew she was thinking of the same thing.

"That was our first idea, actually," Scorpius admitted, pushing the thought from his mind. "But then we thought maybe it wasn't the best thing to be promoting, hence, the broader theme we settled on."

Rose coughed quietly beside him.

"Indeed. We had a Casino Royale theme some years ago," McGonagall recalled thoughtfully. "The Great Hall was like a gambling den. Perhaps a moment of weakness on my part."

"Not with real money, though, Professor?" Rose asked incredulously.

"A moment of weakness, Miss Weasley, not insanity."

Scorpius saw the corner of Rose's mouth tilt upwards, and he felt a tiny surge of hope seed up inside his chest.

"And the fact that not serving alcohol is actually on-theme for once is rather ingenious," McGonagall mused wryly. With a little smile still on her lips, she readjusted her spectacles and scribbled something on her parchment. "Well then, I will pass this on to the prefects and will contact the band for the entertainment. Thank you for all of your help. Please, don't let me keep you any longer, and the best of luck to you both in your examinations."

"Thank you, Professor," they replied in unison, and stood up.

Scorpius waited for Rose to pass him and then followed behind her as they left the office. They didn't exchange a word as they descended the stairwell, but the idea of her leaving without a single thing said between them seemed impossible to him.

His brain spun desperately. Should he say something? He didn't even know where they were going, or even if they were headed in the same direction. What if they were both heading back to their dorm?

The image of her laughing face swept through his mind one last time as they re-entered the corridor, and he took a deep breath. "So. I think that went over well."

Rose paused, and then she looked at him and nodded.

It was a start, so he added, "Good to get that out of the way so that we can focus on exams now and everything." The hopefulness in his voice was only audible if you were really, really, listening for it, and Rose nodded again.

He bit his lip. "How's stu-"

"I don't want to do this."

His chest sunk, the hopefulness instantly sucked out of him. "Do what?" he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

"You know what."

He stared at her. "I'm trying here, Rose."

Her tone was cool. "For whose benefit?"

He missed the way her voice used to sound so much that it almost hurt, and then he felt guilty for even having the nerve to miss it. He sighed in defeat, running a hand through his hair. "I thought…I thought we were okay in there."

"We were working," Rose said. "We've always been good at that."

Scorpius didn't know what to reply to that, so they just stood there in silence as her words hung heavily in the air between them. He half-expected her to leave then, but, after a pregnant pause, he heard her exhale softly.

"I'm so mad at you," she whispered, so quietly he almost couldn't make it out. She swallowed and took another steadying breath. "For making me feel like this, for stringing me on for so long...and because I cannot for the life of me fathom what is going on in that head of yours. So—" She abruptly stopped, as if she'd suddenly thought better of revealing more, and just shook her head warily before repeating, "I don't want to do this."

And then, just like after their conversation three days ago, she turned away from him and left without another glance.

---

"I can't study anymore," Gen declared loudly, punctuating the statement by snapping her textbook shut. "I've actually forgotten what it feels like to not have to."

Rose glanced up tiredly from her own textbook, and she saw the tip of Al's head as it raised from where he'd lain himself out on the floor.

Their two weeks of study leave had flown by in a frantic blur, and it was suddenly the night before exams were due to begin. The three of them had grabbed an empty Charms classroom and had been working in near silence for the better part of three hours.

Rose heard a groan as Al flipped onto his back and made to sit up. He looked over at the clock ticking quietly on the wall.

"It is almost nine-thirty," he agreed, rubbing at his eyes. "And there's no way I can learn this entire chapter before tomorrow."

Gen peered at his open textbook from her perch on one of the desks and rolled her eyes. "You can pass Defence in your sleep, Al. I didn't even think you studied for it."

The tips of Al's ears went red; he was clearly pleased by the compliment but was trying not to show it. "Not the theory portion," he insisted. "I can pants the practical, but that's it." After a pause, he looked over towards his cousin. "Rose? How're you doing?"

Rose blinked, straightening. In truth, she knew everything already and was only revising the material. That had been one positive of everything that had happened; she'd had plenty of time to study, and actually appreciated the distraction of it. At this point, however, she was entirely ready for these exams to be over with.

She sighed and closed the page of number charts that she'd been going over. "I could use a break," she admitted. "And an early night."

The benefit of inundating her brain with material day in and day out was that she was usually exhausted by the time she made it up to bed, and it meant that the time spent laying in it as she waited to fall asleep was minimised. It was during that slim window that the unwelcome thoughts began to creep back into her brain with nothing else to distract from them, laying in a room filled with memories. Hopefully the exam nerves would occupy her brain enough tonight.

With Rose having stopped too, Gen took the opportunity to perform a pronounced stretch, and her gaze landed on Al's setup on the floor.

"Gimme a cushion," she said immediately, making grabby motions towards it.

Al cocked his head at her, considering, and then shook it, snuggling deeper into the cushion he was resting on and clenching the other tightly between his knees.

Gen's jaw dropped, and she leapt off the desk, making for the cushion between his legs. Al's eyes had flown open the second he'd heard the clack of her shoes as they'd hit the ground, and with a squeak, he had brought his knees against his stomach, gripping the cushion in the tight fold of his arms as his entire body curled around to protect it. They were now wrestling with each other, Gen's breathless giggles contrasted against Al's determined grunts, but they were both gasping with laughter by the time Al eventually relented. There was a pile of unused cushions on the other side of the room, though neither of them mentioned that.

With a victorious sigh, Gen settled her cushion down right next to Al's and laid down beside him. She couldn't see the way his eyes had softly lit up at the sight, but Rose could. Al caught her eye and immediately reddened, but Rose only gave him a small smile.

Looking at them lying contentedly beside each other, neither wanting to reveal just how contented they actually were, it struck Rose then that they would get another go of it. There wasn't a doubt in her mind. The thought made her smile, but she felt a sudden sadness blooming in her stomach, and she abruptly looked away and out of the window into the darkness beyond it.

"Don't fall asleep," she heard Gen mumble softly to Al before the sound of a gentle smack hit the air. Al mumbled something incoherent in reply.

After a moment, the cushion rustled as Gen reluctantly struggled to sit up, and she manoeuvred around so that she could sit on it.

"I can't believe that after the stress of these exams, we barely get a break before we have to get stressed about the End of Year Ball, and then it's the end of term and we're gone."

"We don't have to do much," Rose pointed out. "The younger prefects have to take care of most of it. We did it last year, remember?"

"Oh, I don't care about that," Gen said, making a why don't you already know this face at her friend. "I meant what I'm going to wear."

Al perked up and asked suddenly, "How do you think I'd look in a top hat?"

Gen paused and looked over at him, and Rose saw the tiniest shimmer in her eyes before a more polished expression of approval crossed over her face. "Actually, pretty great."

Al flashed his teeth at his cousin. "Did I mention what an excellent choice of theme you picked, Rosie? I can't think of a better way to go out. You know, them in the twenties, now us in the twenties."

"It wasn't my idea," Rose said instinctively. "It was Sc—Malfoy's."

The correction hung unnervingly in the air, and she saw Al and Gen exchange a subtle look before Al cleared his throat and said carefully, "Have you two spoken recently?"

Rose's answer was crisp. "Not since our meeting with McGonagall."

That had been more than two weeks ago now, and apart from the perfunctory (at least, on Rose's part) greetings if they passed each other in their dorm, they had yet to exchange a single, real word.

"He asked about you the other day," Al said quietly after a moment, and Rose's heart skipped a beat. Gen stayed still, though her posture stiffened slightly. "Just how you were," Al clarified a little hastily, shrugging his shoulders.

It occurred to Rose that if Al had been talking to Scorpius, he would've known that the two of them had not spoken, which meant that he'd already known the answer to his question.

"What did you tell him?" she said instead.

"That you were busy studying."

"Well, I don't know what other answer he would've expected," Rose said, more tersely than she'd meant to. Al was quiet as he shifted back down.

She felt Gen's eyes on her for a heavy, protracted moment before Gen suddenly clapped her hands and got to her feet. "Well, if we're not going to study, we might as well test each other." She nudged Al with her toe and he jumped to his feet far quicker than usual, his expression still holding a little bit of guilt.

"You can be guinea-pig," Gen instructed him, and when he opened his mouth to protest, her eyes pointedly flickered to Rose and back, and Al closed it again.

Not that Rose had noticed. Despite the curtness of her words, the fragments of resentment that had fuelled them had faded away again, leaving a vacancy for that cold, heavy feeling to sink down upon her, one that crushed her beneath it and left her feeling entirely hollow all at once.

She missed him. She couldn't help it.

Even after managing to get lost in whatever she was studying, over the past few weeks she would find that every so often something would creep back in and pull her from it, like her mind was too vulnerable to any reminder, any tie, no matter how distant or insignificant.

Though maybe she should've expected it, from an objective standpoint. After all, she'd thought the two of them would've studied for these exams together, sitting at the table next to the fireplace, or maybe even on the sofas on the nights that felt longer; not comparing notes or even talking, just having each other there for company.

The warmth from those thoughts would get her mad at him all over again — which somehow made her miss him more — but then it would fade back into that aching sadness, and the cycle would repeat. She shouldn't have, but in those moments, she often wondered if he missed her too.

"I swear to Merlin," Gen groused, and there was a dull thump as she threw her cushion back onto the pile, "if McGonagall makes me Transfigure a nice piece of crockery into any type of disgusting reptile tomorrow, I think I'll just get her to fail me on the spot." There was a pause, and then, her tone questioning, "Rose?"

Rose blinked, the image of the fireplace vanishing from behind her eyes.

"Yeah," she said quietly, standing. "I'm coming."

---

"Merlin, I am so ready for these exams to be over with," Toby said on the Saturday morning after their first week of exams. He ducked his head as he surreptitiously munched on the apple he'd successfully snuck into the library.

Scorpius looked at it, one eyebrow raising. "Honestly, Tobe, if you're gonna try and sneak food in here, at least let it be something quiet."

The apple crunched as Toby bit into it again, and he grinned sheepishly.

In Toby's defense, the librarian probably had too much on her plate to notice a bit of illicit food anyway. The library was packed, crammed to its fullest capacity with seventh years all studying feverishly, and though Scorpius had generally avoided the library for the entire exam period for this very reason, it was somehow comforting to be in the presence of the rest of his classmates now that the end felt almost in sight. He had finished Ancient Runes, Transfiguration, and was halfway through Defence, with Potions, Charms, and Herbology still to go.

Toby rubbed at his eyes. "God, I could use an invigoration draught right about now. Did the Astronomy exam really have to take place at midnight?"

Scorpius regarded him dryly. "Only if you consider being able to see the stars a necessary component of the subject."

Toby grumbled and brought his hand up to plop his chin into as he flipped through another page of notes. "Could be worse, I suppose," he admitted, voice swaddled. "At least it was nice and cool out there. Liv said that the Divination classroom was so stifling that they could barely focus on the exam itself. If you can call staring into a crystal ball and pretending to see anything except cloudy nothingness an exam."

"Still bitter, I see," Scorpius said in amusement. But, after a pause, he added in a much more subdued tone, "She finished Divination this week, then?"

"Yup," Toby replied casually, though he didn't quite look at Scorpius as he did so.

Toby and Liv had made up very quickly — the same day that he had left Scorpius' room, in fact — and had spent a fair amount of time studying together in the past few weeks. Scorpius and Liv, on the other hand, had yet to speak at all.

It wasn't because he was unwilling to talk to her; he just didn't have the time nor the energy it would require to make up with her again. He was sure they would hash things out after exams, as usual.

He nodded slowly and turned his attention back to his notes, trying to get his brain to refocus. He had his Potions theory tomorrow — a welcome break — and was merely scanning through the material for it, but as his gaze passed over a potion near the bottom of his page, he came to the sudden realisation that he had forgotten the name of its inventor. He blinked, straightening, and then leaned closer to his neat script, as if the closer proximity to it would prompt the answer.

When that didn't work, he spent another few confused moments trying to force the name back into his brain until he finally gave up and stood with a sigh.

"I just need to go and double check something," he said abruptly.

Toby looked up, unconcerned, but then his gaze flicked from Scorpius' notes to Scorpius, and then back again. His eyebrows immediately scrunched together. "For Potions?"

Scorpius thought about shaking his head, but then he just sighed again and nodded, turning away from Toby's incredulous face and heading towards the Potions aisles.

He weaved his way past the crowded tables, still trying to shake the alien feeling of not knowing something that he should easily know, but resignedly gave up the effort as he approached the bookcases. He ran a vexed hand through his hair as he crossed into the aisle, but then something — someone — stopped him short.

Sensing an arrival, Rose looked up from the book she had been studying — it wasn't the one he needed, thank Merlin — and at the sight of him, instantly stilled, her frame stiffening.

I don't want to do this. The memory of her parting words to him coursed through his brain, as vivid as if they were said only yesterday, even though it had been three weeks ago now. With a painful twist in his chest, he wondered if that sentiment still stood; if he should just grab the nearest book and leave.

Since they sat most of the same exams, he'd seen her far more this past week than he had in the weeks before, though their interactions had remained at an inauspicious zero. It had been hard not to stare at her in the Great Hall when he now had the excuse that they were in the same room, pathetic as it was, but he'd long since realised that he'd relinquished any ounce of pride he might've once had when it came to Rose, and he could admit to himself that he missed her so much that he almost felt sick with it.

He swallowed. He had to at least try.

He took a step forward. "Hey," he said, trying to sound casual, even though he could feel his heart thudding in his throat.

He saw the small movement of her chest as she exhaled, and she closed the book a little in her hands. "Hey," she replied, in that same would-be-casual voice. After a pause, something seemed to occur to her, and she held the book up. "You weren't looking for this, were you?"

"No," Scorpius said hastily, shaking his head.

Rose nodded, her lips pressing together. There was another pause, and then, to his shock, she continued, "It would surprise me if you were, to be honest. I didn't know you even read Potions books." She tilted her head a little and added, "I thought the information in them just diffused into you overnight."

Scorpius blinked. He wasn't sure if she had just paid him a legitimate compliment, or if she'd just been grasping at well-known straws to avoid an awkward silence. Either way, just hearing her voice again had sent a buzz through him.

"If only that were possible," he returned obligingly, ignoring the tightness in his chest and feeling, despite that, oddly out-of-body.

He tried for a small smile, and though her eyes softened when they flickered to his lips, she didn't smile back.

"So are you um…ready for tomorrow?" he asked, trying to prolong the conversation.

She nodded. "I think so."

"And we have Defence after lunch."

She nodded again.

Scorpius remembered back to what she had told him a month or so ago, about how practical exams always made her nervous, even though she always knew the material. He wanted to bring it up, to ask her if she was still nervous about this one, but he didn't.

"Are you ready for Defence?" she asked after a moment.

He blinked at the opportunity. "I think so," he replied, finding it easier to speak. "But, you know, practicals are always…well..."

"Nerve-wracking," she finished, and then he didn't have to bring it up because they were both thinking it anyway.

He nodded, a little uneasily due to the sudden heaviness in the air between them. But then a thought suddenly struck him, and he added, "Well, just remember: Destination, Determination, and Deliberation."

Rose exhaled sharply, reacting with a smile before she could stop herself, and he went warm all over. She looked at him, the smile still lingering on her face, and he felt the world spin.

Pick a spot, any spot you like, and see it the way you saw the meadow.

He remembered the way his heart had pounded when she had reappeared right in front of him, the exhilaration that had shot through him just by being that close to her. He'd been able to see the way each individual eyelash had framed her eyes, the constellation of freckles that were dusted across the bridge of her nose. He should've known how deep he was in at that point already. Maybe he did. Maybe that was why—

The spark of hope that had been seeding up inside of him was suddenly fluttering around in his chest, unmistakeable and delirious, and Scorpius could hardly believe that they were standing here, smiling at each other, and just maybe—

An irritated shriek pierced the air behind him, and he instinctively whirled around to see Madam Pince as she whipped past the aisle they were standing in. "There is NO food to be brought into the library, young man!" she barked, furiously stabbing a finger at someone out of sight. "Out, out, OUT!" There was a small commotion, and a few seconds later, Scorpius saw a young boy scarpering for the exit.

He turned back towards Rose, who was looking at the same thing he'd been, and when her eyes met his again, he could tell that whatever moment there had been between them was over. The spark inside him vanished.

Rose looked down, her teeth nibbling at her bottom lip. After an uncertain moment, she held up the book in her hands. "Well, I should get to reading."

Scorpius nodded. "Yeah," he agreed quietly.

"Hey, good…good luck for tomorrow."

"Thanks," he replied. For a split second he thought of saying something stupid like, Hopefully my mind will have been thoroughly diffused into by then, but instead just said, "You too."

Her lips turned up a little, but it wasn't a real smile, not this time.

For a moment she looked like she was going to say something else, maybe just, "Bye," but she just settled for another attempt at that same, hollow smile, and then she turned away from him and disappeared around the aisle.

Rabastian Bell Doyle.

Scorpius felt the breath leave him in a long defeated sigh, and he allowed his eyes to shut for a moment. When he opened them, he cast one more look at the empty space where she had stood, and then turned the opposite way and trudged back to where he had left Toby sitting.

---

A week later, and they were finished.

The seventh years had spent the entire afternoon after their final exam (which had happened to be their Potions practical) lying out in the late afternoon sun as it had beaten down upon the lake, while the fifth years — who still had a week of exams to go — had stared enviously from the confines of the classrooms in which they were forced to study.

Rose, Al, and Gen had finally trooped back up to the Common Room about half an hour before dinner, spreading out on the couches as they sought refuge in the coolness of the dorm.

"Done with school forever," Al sighed contentedly. "Imagine."

"We don't have to," Gen pointed out in amusement, and Al lifted his head just enough to shoot her an approving grin.

"It feels weird to be finished, though, doesn't it?" Rose said quietly, folding her arms behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling.

"You, my dear, are just beginning," Gen countered sagely. She shook her head. "You couldn't watch me heading into five more years of educational hell. Not for anything."

Rose smiled, but she felt it fade from around her lips when she quickly remembered that she might not be going there alone. Just as hastily, she pushed the thought from her mind. They had been outside for three lovely, sun-soaked hours, her head was still light and her skin still pleasantly warm, and it was the most relaxed she had felt in a long time.

"Nuh-uh," Al said. "No 'E' word, no 'S' word — nothing related to any of that for the time being. We get an afternoon like this once, ever, and we're not wasting it."

Gen sighed. "Fine, fine." She stretched out a little more, flipping a cushion up with her foot and pushing her heel against it. "What time are we heading out tonight?"

"I think Branson said they were gonna start setting up at eight," Al answered. "So maybe half-past?" He checked his watch. "Speaking of, the bathroom's going to be a madhouse after dinner if everyone's gonna be getting ready for this thing, so I reckon I'll head for a shower now."

"Is that not what you did already?" Rose asked dryly as she watched a still half-drenched Al get to his feet. His white shirt was clinging to his skin, parts of it almost translucent from being waterlogged. He and a group of boys had jumped into the lake, partially in celebration, maybe more to stave off some of the pressing afternoon heat.

Al ruffled a hand through his hair, sending droplets flying, and Rose made a noise of disapproval as she shielded her face.

"Later," he grinned, raising a hand in farewell. Rose replied with an exasperated "Bye", and when Gen didn't, Rose looked over to see her staring at Al's departing figure, her cheeks visibly pink even in the dim of the room.

She caught Rose staring at her, and her blush deepened. "Shut up,' she muttered sheepishly.

The same feeling she'd had when she had watched Al and Gen laying together on the cushions alighted in Rose's stomach again, and she reached over to knock Gen gently, smiling. "Al would be so flattered," she teased.

Gen rolled her eyes, but she was grinning too.

There was the sudden noise of a dim, approaching raucous behind them, and they turned to see the portrait hole swing open, followed by the loud entrance of a group of seventh years, all still rowdy and many soaked to the skin.

Gen sat up and jerked her head at the staircase. "You wanna come up for a bit?" she asked. Rose nodded, and they pushed to their feet and climbed up to the girls' dorm.

When they entered, Rose's eyes immediately fell upon her bed, and she invariably paused. She hadn't been back since the night she had slept — well, hadn't slept — here, and she hesitated by the door for a moment before she trailed inside and lowered herself down upon it, smoothing the sheets with her hand as she cast her eyes instead on the shimmering sun outside.

Gen had sat down in front of the vanity, her hair out of its bun as she ran a brush through it to get the tangles out.

"When um…when do you hear from LIH?" she now asked, looking at Rose in the reflection of the mirror.

Rose blinked and turned away from the window, the faraway look in her eyes lingering just long enough for Gen to see. "What? Oh…could be next week."

"That fast, huh?"

Rose nodded slowly.

Gen cleared her throat, shifting a little in her chair. "Will you be okay if he gets in too?" She paused. "I mean…do you want him to get in?"

Something in Rose's eyes flickered, and it was a moment before she met her friend's gaze. "Of course, he'd deserve it." Her eyes drifted back down towards her bed, and after a few seconds, she added quietly, "They'd be stupid not to take him."

A moment of silence passed, and then Gen put her hairbrush down. "You're too good for him, Rose."

She stood, the white of her shirt the only thing visible in the mirror's reflection. But then she turned around, and she'd attempted to plaster on a convincing grin. "If you want me to kill him, just say the word."

Rose obliged her with a little smile, but after a moment, she dropped her gaze and shook her head softly. The movement was so small and yet so entirely drained that it almost broke Gen's heart.

Gen bit her lip, her chest clenching. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

When Rose's eyes raised to meet hers, the sadness in them was nearly blinding, and Gen knew.

---

Toby whooped as the gobstone landed inside the furthest tankard with a satisfying splash.

"Three in a row!" he crowed, spreading his arms and leaning over the table as the pair of Ravenclaws on the opposite end argued over who was going to take the drink. From next to him, Scorpius rolled his eyes and sipped at the drink he was holding in his hand.

Having downed the tankard's contents, Daniel Lavery, still grumbling, stepped up and took his turn to throw. The gobstone bounced heavily against the rim of one of the tankards before disappearing underneath the table.

Toby whooped again. "Come on, guys, I'm gettin' thirsty over here!" To emphasise his point, he reached over and grabbed Scorpius' drink, taking a pronounced chug from it, and then immediately began to cough violently.

"What the fuck is this?!" he managed out between coughs, his voice pitched in bewilderment.

"Something strong," Scorpius said as he took the drink back. He rolled the gobstone between his fingers and then threw it across the table without looking. "Not that it appears to be working."

There was a collective groan from the other end of the table, not drowned out by the cheering coming from beside them, and Scorpius smirked at Toby before taking another, longer drink.

"You've got a fucking Keeper on your team! I've got this!" Daniel hollered as he shoved the offending tankard at his teammate's chest. Daniel was a Beater on the Ravenclaw team; Jensen Donovan, his teammate, was rightfully not on the Quidditch team in any capacity.

"You should've picked a more suitable teammate," Scorpius replied, his voice not raising in the slightest, while Toby immediately protested loudly, "Hey, I'm the Chaser! He doesn't even throw balls!"

"Well, he's the Captain," Daniel said stoutly before Jensen drunkenly slammed the empty tankard back onto the table with a bang.

"Rematch!" he hooted.

"We haven't even won yet," Toby said innocently, looking at the one remaining drink on the other side of the table. "Donovan, look alive," he said before he tossed the gobstone in the Ravenclaw's direction.

Jensen, who had yet to be demoralised despite not having scored a single point, stepped forward and raised his arm confidently, and then threw the ball clear of the entire table. As it came down, Toby reached out and snatched it in his fingers, and in the next moment had sent it soaring back, and the group watched as it disappeared cleanly into the well of the tankard.

As their side of the table erupted into cheers, Scorpius drained his cup and threw it away.

"I'm bored," he announced. "How about we get rid of the beer, and replace it with something a little more-"

"How about we give other people a go?" Toby said pointedly, and without waiting for an answer, he grabbed Scorpius' elbow and pulled him away from the group, eliciting disappointed protests from the students who made it up.

Scorpius shrugged out of his grasp, and as they moved past the drinks table, he reached out and gripped the one that was sitting nearest the edge. Toby led the way to a less crowded and less rowdy area where groups of people were gathered on the floor around small tables, playing cards and chatting as they drunk.

Toby bagged an empty one and dropped to the floor with a sigh. Scorpius followed in a more subdued fashion, putting the bottle he'd grabbed down, and realising belatedly that he'd forgotten to grab a cup, and then deciding that that didn't matter so much.

He reached out and rotated the bottle so that he could look at its label. Single malt whiskey.

He suddenly felt eyes on him, and he looked up to meet Toby's gaze. A long moment passed while the music continued to thud dully in the background, before—

"What."

Toby shrugged, his eyes fixing on the bottle. "Do you even like whiskey?"

"I like what it does."

"So what, is it your goal to get blackout drunk before ten o'clock?"

Scorpius paused, and then shrugged back at him. "Do I look drunk to you?"

"I know how much you have drunk," Toby answered. "And I know that it's gonna hit you sooner or later."

Scorpius stared at him, and then picked up the bottle from the table. "Since when do you police how much I drink?" he asked, his tone indifferent. "Anyway, isn't this what you wanted? For us not to be — how did you put it? A pair of sad fucks during our last post-exams party?" He flicked his thumb against the lid, loosening it. "This is what we agreed on, right? That we were going to have fun."

"I'm pretty sure that it's your plan to drink enough that you won't have any idea either way."

After a moment where Scorpius didn't reply, Toby sighed, bringing his knees up as he rested his arms on them. "Maybe I fucked up earlier by not getting you to tell me anything," he muttered contemplatively, as though he were speaking more to himself than to Scorpius. "Maybe I was just being too optimistic."

He leaned forward, and Scorpius felt a wave of apprehension wash over him.

"Do you wanna, like, I dunno, talk about it?"

Scorpius groaned. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Toby-"

"It's not healthy, Scorp! I'm not trying to act like your fucking therapist or anything, but it's not…" He paused and shook his head. "Getting blackout tonight isn't going to solve anything."

"I'm not going to get blackout drunk," Scorpius informed him again, his voice even, although the look of pity in Toby's eyes almost made him want to scream. "If it'll be either of us, it'll be you." A moment passed, and then, before he'd quite realised what he was about to say — maybe he'd drunk more than he thought — he added, "Do you wish Liv was here?"

According to Toby, Liv was at the celebrations next door with some of her dormmates ("She felt like dancing," he'd explained). However, Scorpius had the inkling that she'd deliberately chosen to be there because she was avoiding him; they still hadn't said a word to each other since their fight, and something in him felt badly about it.

"She's our friend, of course I do."

"You can't play that card with me anymore, Tobe."

Toby let out a long sigh, his gaze dropping to the table. "I can't talk about Liv with you," he said quietly. "At least, not yet."

Scorpius paused, and then nodded slowly. He lifted his drink and took another long swig from it.

Toby stared at him, and when he had finished drinking, asked, "Do you wish she was here?"

Scorpius put his cup back onto the table and, without missing a beat, said, "She is."

Toby's eyes widened. "What?"

Scorpius inclined his head towards the ring of sofas in the opposite corner of the room, not looking up. "She's been here for over an hour."

He saw Toby twist around to look, and he presumed that he would see what Scorpius himself had seen the hour before: Rose sitting with Genevieve and Albus in a bigger group of friends, playing some drinking game or another, her back to the cluster of tables where he and Toby were sitting.

He could feel his heart clamouring against the indifference in his words, and after a conflicted moment spent telling himself that he wasn't going to look, he flicked his eyes over as well. She was still sitting with her back to him, slightly bent over the game they were playing, but from beside her, Al suddenly looked up to his right and caught his eye.

After a moment, Scorpius saw him lean down towards the girls and say something quietly before he got to his feet, but although Rose's head twitched, she didn't look up. Al soon disappeared into the throng of students, many of whom were gravitating towards the large drinks table near the middle of the room.

"We're to have a visitor," Scorpius said just as Al reappeared on the outskirts of the crowd closest to them, a bottle in one hand and a stack of cups in the other.

There was a wry smile on his face as he arrived by their table. "Well, this looks like a fun little gathering."

"Potter!" Toby crowed. "Back for another round?"

"As long as I don't have to carry you out this time," Al said in an amused voice as he lowered himself down beside them. He turned to look at Scorpius. "You'd better not ditch us again."

"Sorry," Scorpius muttered, the sudden memory of Rose's hands on his cheeks as she had kissed him flaring up inside of him so strongly that he felt as if it were burning behind his eyes.

"What're we drinking?" Toby asked, peering at the bottle Al had brought. Al looked down.

"Uh…some kind of ale. What's that there?"

"Something I don't want to drink."

Al's gaze flitted back and forth as Toby unstacked the cups and began to pour a generous amount into each while Scorpius continued to stare into the middle distance. His brow furrowed.

"You guys look fucking miserable," he said finally. "What the hell."

Toby pointed the neck of the bottle at Scorpius. "He's miserable, I've won five rounds of Mugs."

"You're both miserable, and we've just finished school forever. That's clear cause for celebration." Al looked at Scorpius, who had been unmoved by their conversation. He sighed and picked up Scorpius' cup, offering it to him.

"Look," he said, his voice suddenly quiet, and Scorpius' eyes flickered towards him. "I know we're all in the same boat here with, you know…" He rubbed a little at one of the scratches etched into the table, "—girl issues, or whatever-"

"You told Potter?" Toby gaped at Scorpius.

Scorpius dimly shook his head at the same time that Al said, "You have a distinctive Girl Pining look about you, Nott." And then, in a much quieter voice, he muttered, "Besides, everyone knows."

A jolt fired through Scorpius' chest at his words, though outwardly his eyes only widened slightly as he looked at Toby in the corner of his periphery. He saw Toby's cheeks redden, and it seemed to Scorpius that he was avoiding meeting his gaze.

"But whatever the case might be," Al continued, "it's not worth sitting here miserably pining over. Seriously, you guys are killing my mood."

He picked up the whiskey bottle from the table and aimed it at Scorpius. "No fucking pining," he said authoritatively before turning it on Toby. "No fucking pining," he repeated. He put the bottle back and patted at the pocket of his jeans. "I brought cards."

Toby cleared his throat and moved closer towards the table. "What're we playing?"

They began to toss ideas back and forth as Al shuffled the deck, but the sound of their conversation was reduced to dim turbulence in Scorpius' head as he stared at the lip of his cup, the ale sloshing around inside it churning his stomach uncomfortably.

This was a distraction, this and everything else was nothing more to him or to either of them than a distraction from—

He heard the sound of Toby's laugh, and it broke him from his thoughts. He set his cup down and abruptly got to his feet.

Al and Toby frowned up at him, midway through setting up the round.

"Where are you going?" Toby demanded immediately, his smile dissolved.

Scorpius silently considered for a moment, and then he reached down towards the table. "I'm returning the whiskey. And I'm getting another drink. That ale is vile."

His eyes skipped over Toby's as he turned away, and the look in them instantly reminded Scorpius of how Toby had looked at him when he'd come to his room before the party.

"What's going on with you, Scorp?" he had asked, his eyes tight with concern. "You've been—something about you has been so off, ever since that morning in your room. I mean, things weren't exactly normal before that point with your whole not-sleeping thing, but this just seems worse somehow, I don't..." He had played with the edge of Scorpius' duvet again, biting his lip. "It's been a month, Scorp, and I…fuck, I don't know."

There had been such pity in his eyes, colouring his voice, although he had clearly been trying to mask it — and it had made Scorpius' skin crawl. A month. He hadn't even realised it had been a month. Had they been together for even that long?

The thought had ribboned out from his stomach like black smoke, slithering all over him, and he had suddenly felt pathetic and weak and like some sad, heartsick teenager whose problems he'd always considered himself so far above, and it had been too many nights of this, too many nights of endless thinking and wondering and hoping and regretting, and frankly he was sick of it all.

Thinking, he had decided right then, was overrated, and if he did any more of it, he'd go out of his damn mind.

And yet for all that he had planned on making good on that conviction, judging by the few short hours he'd spent at this stupid party, he hadn't been able to stop himself from slipping back into it anyway.

Not that that should've surprised him. He felt such little control these days, over himself or anything else.

He arrived at the unmanned drinks table, surprisingly devoid of people and overflowing with bottles and half-empty cups. Nothing on it was particularly appealing, but he still went through every single label, painstakingly considering each one, entirely indifferent to their contents. The table was sticky, and he didn't much cherish the thought of how many other people might've gotten their sticky hands on the bottles he was touching, but it offered his mind something to do. Eventually he reached out for a bottle of gin, deciding that he had been here for long enough—

"Scorpius?"

He straightened, and when he turned around, he saw the familiar face of Claudia Bouchard staring at him curiously, a little smile pulling at her lips.

He hadn't spoken to her since last year, when they'd…Well. He hadn't spoken to her. Looking at her now, it took him a moment to remember what he had ever seen in her. Not objectively — she was as pretty as ever, with dark brunette hair, perfect golden skin, and a dancer's build, but all of that did remarkably little for him now.

It took him another to recall how they had left things. Pretty abruptly, he thought. He believed the last thing she had ever said to him was, "It was fun while it lasted."

He inclined his head at her. "Claudia." After a second, he added, "Can I get you a drink?"

"That would be nice," she said, slinking a step closer to the table, and to him. "That's what I came for, after all."

Scorpius didn't answer; something had begun to prick at his brain at her words, but he reached for the bottle that he'd been about to take before and uncapped it.

"Gin alright?" he asked, and he saw her nod in his periphery before he began to pour.

She paused. "'How've you been' feels like a weird question." Her voice was mild, and Scorpius reached the top of the cup and reluctantly stopped pouring.

She smiled as he handed it to her, and Scorpius was caught for a moment, suddenly remembering that it was one of the things he had actually liked about her. Her smile had always been more of a smirk, and she had never pretended any different. That was the thing that had worked so well between them; there had been no pretences.

"How have you been, though?" she asked, more quietly.

Scorpius considered for a moment. "I've been better," he acquiesced.

"I heard about you and Rose."

He stilled, feeling his heart stumble in his chest, but after a moment, he said, his voice impressively level, "Is that right?"

Claudia shrugged a little, leaning against the edge of the table. "I'm sorry it ended so quickly."

"Aren't you going to drink that."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Tactful as ever," she said, and there was something oddly wistful about her tone. She looked at him, her golden eyes catching on the lights above them. "I'm not trying to come onto you, you know," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Of course not; you just wanted a drink."

"Isn't that why you're here? Or, should I say, why you've been here for about ten minutes?"

"This drinks selection leaves a lot to be desired."

This also held some ounce of truth to it, and Claudia laughed again, taking a sip from her cup before she leaned forward, inspecting the bottles more closely.

"The red currant rum is nice," she said, glancing at him as she pointed to it. "If you like that sort of medicinal taste. The whiskey's all pretty decent." She sighed. "I could really go for some wine, though."

"Sophisticated taste."

"My parents own a vineyard, remember?"

He actually did remember that; something about the South of France.

"Don't trust that brandy. It tastes like hippogriff piss."

"How would you know?"

"Have you ever been for a drink at Hagrid's?"

Scorpius couldn't help but give a quiet snort at that, and he shook his head. "Fine, the brandy's out." She grinned at him, arching an eyebrow.

He now remembered why he had had fun with Claudia. She was funny, easy to talk to, and he had held no expectations of her. Disappointment was only possible once you began expecting things.

"Try this one," she suggested, handing him a dark bottle of flavoured bourbon. "It almost tastes like chocolate. And I do know how much you like chocolate."

Her fingers slid against his as he took the bottle from her, and he suddenly became extremely aware of the way that her hip was brushing against his thigh.

A heavy, loaded moment of silence passed, and then Claudia's eyes slipped up to meet his. "You know, it was around this time last year when we…you know."

Scorpius pretended to examine the label of the bottle in his hands.

"Time flies," he replied after a second, his tone unmoved.

She paused, and her thumb curved over the lip of her drink. "We did have fun, didn't we?"

Scorpius removed his gaze from the bottle, and when he caught the way that her eyes were looking at him, dim warning bells began to go off in his head.

"If this isn't a come on, it certainly feels like it."

Claudia stared at him for another moment, and then broke their gaze with a laugh that was oddly carefree given the way that her eyes had been drinking him in only seconds earlier. "Fine. We never bothered with pretences, you and me." She ran a hand through her hair, the soft highlights glinting under the crystal-dripping chandelier above them, and then she smiled. "We always made a pretty good team, though." She inclined her head towards the ever-growing group at the far end of the room. "One game? For old times' sake?"

Claudia was deceptively simple in what she wanted, undeniably beautiful, and Scorpius remembered how warm she had felt in his arms as he had fallen asleep beside her, his body as calm as it had been when he'd awoken from that sleeping draught.

"One game," he agreed.

"I'll come and find you," she said softly, and then she brushed past him, plucking up the gin bottle that he had put back onto the table.

He watched her leave for a few moments, and then his gaze instinctively flitted back towards the ring of sofas in the opposite direction.

Her back was still to him — she looked like she hadn't moved since he'd seen her last, however long ago that had been — and whatever lightness there had been within him dissipated, and he felt that familiar weight beginning to crawl back over him to take its place.

He clutched the bottle of bourbon to his chest and made his way back over to the table, his heart pounding.

---

"Aww, shit, that was a King, wasn't it?" Gen sighed. "How many sips is that, again?"

Rose grimaced sympathetically. "Ten."

"Tens and all picture cards count as ten," Sophie Price repeated, drawing out her words pointedly. "Honestly, Gen, you have the memory of a goldfish with a brain injury."

"I've been more focused on not singeing off my eyebrows, funnily enough," Gen sniped back as the rest of the circle broke into laughter. "I mean, really, regular Exploding Snap is dangerous enough, nevermind this." She shook her head before taking a considerable chug from her drink. "Okay, next round."

The group leaned in as one as the next round commenced, and within ten seconds, the six of diamonds had exploded, and the Hufflepuff it had been in front of groaned and wheedled, "I told you guys, I never get anything less than five."

"Don't worry," Gen said consolingly. "If that's true, you won't care about it for much longer."

"How much've you drunk, Rose?" someone else asked. "You're still on your first cup, aren't you?"

Rose nodded sheepishly amid the scattered sounds of disbelief.

"I've literally only had twos and threes," she admitted. What she didn't admit was that each time a new, low number appeared, she'd had to quell the little bit of disappointment that had seeded up inside her. Not caring actually sounded like a nice idea tonight.

There was suddenly a very familiar-sounding whooping noise from the far side of the room, and Rose and Gen instinctively exchanged a look before they both twisted around in unison to see Al bounding up and down as he hugged someone obstructed from sight by the surrounding crowd.

When Al bounded back to take his place at the table, the person he'd hugged moved into view, his face suddenly visible. Rose's eyes widened — if he was here, then it was almost certain that—

She instinctively craned further to look towards the opposite end of the table, and she felt her heart suddenly freeze over.

She recognised Claudia Bouchard instantly; she knew — everyone knew — what had gone on between her and Scorpius at the end of last year, but Rose hadn't seen them interact since, so what was he suddenly doing with her?

Having a good time, clearly, she thought as she watched him line up his next shot, shaking his head and laughing at something Toby was hollering about.

She abruptly turned back around, forcing herself to concentrate on the fan of cards in her hand. What did she care who he was with? She was acting like a crazy person.

"Okay, go!" she heard Sophie say, and she blinked as the rest of the circle scrambled as the next round started. She realised she'd not taken in a single card in front of her, and only managed to choose the right one a split second before her turn passed. A few moments later, and there was a sudden, explosive noise, and the people opposite her yelped as the card in front of them was suddenly nothing but cinders.

The entire circle was reduced to a half-groaning, half-laughing mess as the same Hufflepuff sat back in shame. "Sorrryyyyy," she moaned, covering her face. "I told you, I have the worst luck with this game!"

Sophie shook her head, laughing. "Ace of spades!" she announced. "Everyone down your drink, and let's reset."

The circle quietened as they began to set up for the next round, until suddenly another, especially loud, wave of cheers emanated from the same corner as before, and everyone perked up with interest.

"Jeez," a Ravenclaw named Sam said, "that Mugs crowd is the biggest I've ever seen. Wonder who's playing."

Rose instantly downed her drink as the group shifted to look. She saw Gen's eyes flicker in her direction — she hadn't turned around, either — but just as she was about to return her gaze, she heard a pealing, elated laugh that was distinctively girlier than Al's, and she'd twisted around before she had time to tell herself not to.

Claudia was grinning triumphantly, and as Rose watched, she pressed herself against Scorpius' side in a half-hug, her fingers snaking around his waist as she held him there. Or maybe she didn't have to; he'd returned her grip, crooking an arm casually around her as if they did this all the time. He looked as if he didn't have a care in the world, and it was completely impossible to reconcile that with the boy who had tried so hard to talk to her in the library last week, with that quiet, careful voice and eyes that were asking for—

She bolted to her feet, arresting the entire circle's attention, and at their shocked looks, she felt the word, "Air," tumble out of her mouth. She cleared her throat and explained hastily, "It's just…really stuffy in here. I'm gonna get some air."

She saw Gen make to get up too, but she felt her heart clench and she shook her head. "I just need some air, Gen."

After a moment, Gen lowered herself back down, her eyes dark with worry.

Rose gave the group what she hoped passed for a smile before she turned around and headed for the exit. She braced the massive door open and stepped outside, finally letting out the breath she'd been holding before she closed it behind her.

She could breathe better out here, without the thumping music and the smell of alcohol and people. She found the nearest wall and rested against it, closing her eyes, but the sound of the door creaking open again pricked at her ears, and she reopened them to see the figure of some half-entwined couple, shushing each other with barely-concealed laughter and whispers as they stumbled out. She immediately pushed off from the wall and made her way down the corridor.

The castle felt almost eerily silent, like the party wasn't happening at all, like if she wanted to, she could pretend that nothing going on inside it was actually happening, and she concentrated on the sound that her footsteps made against the stone floor as they took her further from it.

She reached the plaque that said 'Females' and pushed.

All of the stalls were empty, thank God, and Rose immediately headed for the sinks, not knowing what she was going to do there, but just grateful for the emptiness, the quiet. She caught sight of her reflection and paused, trying to find herself in the eyes of this sad, tired girl.

After a moment she dropped her gaze and reached out, turning the faucet on and washing her hands with the cold water. It felt good, so she pushed her sleeves up to her elbows and ran the water over her forearms, watching as the glistening streams dribbled down her skin and caught the ugly, too-white light above her, those that didn't railing loudly against the well of the sink.

She turned the faucet off, and then there was silence again. Her arms began to tingle as the water drenching them began to evaporate into the air, goosebumps raising on her skin. She grabbed a paper towel, dabbing at them, and then threw it away before bracing her arms back onto the cool countertop.

Her eyes traced the marble, slowly at first, and then she suddenly felt an absurd laugh prying at her throat as the sense of déjà vu overcame her. She remembered the Christmas Ball and how it had been like this too, seeking refuge in a bathroom because he had danced with her again, because just being in his arms again had thrilled her in a way that had been terrifying and breathtaking all at once—

The laugh tightened awfully against the back of her throat, and she immediately began gasping in deep breaths, sucking air down and forcing herself to stay calm. Her breathing soon began to slow again, and she opened her eyes and lifted them towards the mirror.

The patheticness of the situation was not lost on her, and she tried to drum the thought into her brain — she was better than this, she had to be better than this — but it fell on deaf ears, and instead she only thought miserably, How was she going to keep seeing him if she just dissolved into this mess every time?

If every time it was going to be like...like being overwhelmed with sadness and heartache in a never-ending cycle, like being reminded all over again how it had felt as he had pulled away from her in that corridor, the blinding happiness from the previous day they had spent together instantly draining away into something ugly and confused, and, God, she had been so happy that day—

The recollection pulled at some childish thought that had lodged within her, and her mind instinctively whispered, I thought he liked me.

No sooner than the words had formed in her brain, she'd immediately chastised herself for them. Of course he liked her, he had even said as much, how could she forget the look on his face, the pained expression held tightly in it as he'd said it. You know the answer to that. But somehow remembering it almost made it worse.

What did anything else matter if that were true? Just like it had in the moment, her brain tried to work its way around his words, the reasoning behind them. Surely that was the most important thing, and everything else was only secondary? They could've figured the rest out together, couldn't they?

The wistfulness, the what-ifs, had softened her, made her vulnerable again, and she thought back to the conversation they'd had outside her room, then the one outside of McGonagall's office the few days later. She'd been so mad at him. Maybe…maybe if she hadn't been so cold, maybe if she'd have just—

She stopped, the hard, rational voice in her head grinding the other to a halt as it said firmly, Don't be so ridiculous. She didn't owe him anything, she could be as cold as she liked.

But as loud as she had forced that voice to be, it couldn't drown out the tiny one that still whispered, Maybe he wouldn't be with Claudia if you had been nicer.

She felt herself slump a little, too tired to fight anymore. Despite how fresh it still was in her mind, it had been a while, a month now, and they had barely been together for even that long besides, and she dimly felt herself wondering, Is this him moving on?

She had somehow managed to forget the possibility of that happening until now, it had never occurred to her that he wouldn't remain in this post-break up stage forever; she was not the first girl he had dated, why had she let herself assume for even a moment that she would be the last—

She felt her throat welling up again, hotness flooding through her whole body and threatening to spill over, and she only prayed that no one would come in.

But as much as she had surrendered to it, as much as she had been about to let her body take over and do as it pleased, somehow, somehow, she managed to maintain the presence of mind to calm herself down again. The pricking behind her eyes subsided, the tightness in her throat relaxing as she focused on taking in deep breath after deep breath until finally they stopped hitching, and she felt in control again.

She straightened, swallowing as she instinctively swiped a hand across her face. She had been gone long enough, and staying here would only keep this cycle going, and someone was bound to come in, or Gen would be coming to find her...

She looked into the mirror again. There was almost no evidence of what had happened in here, no indication that anything was amiss; maybe the slightest bit of redness in her cheeks, but nothing that couldn't be chalked up to alcohol.

She watched herself take one more deep breath, and then she turned away and left the bathroom.

It was too quiet now, with the turbulence in her head relenting. She didn't mind getting back inside the party and hearing the noise of it again, in fact, being around other people would be good for her—

She turned into the corridor approaching the Room of Requirement, now itching to get back inside, but as she neared, her ears were suddenly accosted by the sound of dim, heavy breathing coming from the adjacent wall, and then a girlish voice that upon recognition dropped straight through to her stomach—

And then.

And then she froze properly in her tracks when it was followed by that gut-punchingly familiar voice that had plagued her mind until she knew it better than she knew her own.

---

Scorpius had no idea how long they'd been playing for — only that this wasn't their first, or even second, game together, but the mere fact that he didn't know meant that he had somehow managed to lose himself into the celebrations, and tonight, that was all he could've asked for. There was a chance it had something to do with the bourbon that had filled his stomach and was now rapidly filling his brain; the fact that the alcohol in the tankards had not been beer for a while had probably also helped.

But that didn't stop the prickling feeling that maybe that wasn't all there was to it, maybe there was something else, something more—

Claudia removed her hand from her eyes and laughed sheepishly as the onlookers dissolved into cheers, and then she turned, giving a little curtsey to Al and Toby as the latter cried, "Oh, come on!" and reached in and plucked out the gobstone. She threw Scorpius another beaming smile, one that could've stopped his heart if it wasn't his, but even so, it was getting easier and easier to remember why he had liked spending time with her. She had a way of making things feel effortless, like there was no pressure to do or even think.

Al managed to make the middle tankard, and Claudia groaned despite the grin that had curved at her lips, and she scooped the gobstone out and pressed the drink to her lips. Scorpius watched the movement as she swallowed, and it took him a moment to register when she lowered the tankard and held her hand out to pass him the drenched gobstone. His fingers curled around hers for the briefest of seconds as the ball crossed between them.

Toby dropped into a crouch, attempting to keep eye-level with the last remaining tankard as he bounced back and forth behind it, waving his arms.

"Your eyesight is going bluuuuurry," he crooned drunkenly. "You can't see aaaaaanything."

"You need a new tactic, Tobe," Scorpius called as Al, laughing, tried to pull Toby away. "Like actually trying to win."

He lobbed the ball into the air, and it made a perfect, shining arc before it dropped into the tankard with a splash.

"Fuuuuuck," Al and Toby groaned in unison, and when Scorpius turned to Claudia with a pleased smirk, she clapped her hands in triumph before jumping up and hugging him tightly. His arms automatically returned her grip, and he caught the scent of the perfume that was floating off her neck. It was sweet and heady, and it did something strange to his brain, the vague familiarity of it prompting some loosely spun memories of the nights they had spent together, and it momentarily filled him with warmth.

She came out of his arms slowly, and as he caught her eyes, he saw how they slid down towards his lips and back up, and he felt his heart begin to pound again, the blood rushing through his veins. When she pulled away fully, he felt that warmth leave him, but he didn't want to feel cold again.

Claudia breathed out a sigh. "I could use a break," she admitted, fanning herself with her hand. She shook her head. "It hits you differently when it's not beer, huh?"

Scorpius nodded dimly, feeling his head swirl.

"You guys do another round without us," she called over to Al and Toby, and then she stepped back, standing next to Scorpius as they watched the table reset. She had tied her hair up into a loose bun while they had played, and now she reached up and let it down again, the soft waves jumbling down her back, and Scorpius tried to recall how they had felt between his fingers. Soft, he imagined, but he couldn't remember.

His arm suddenly tingled, and his eyes slipped down to see Claudia's brushing against his, and he knew that she had noticed it too, from the way that her eyes were staring ahead but not at anything.

"I told you we make a great team," she said softly after a while, and Scorpius heard that small voice even through the pounding music echoing in his ears. She looked up at him from underneath her eyelashes, her eyes darting down to his lips again, and Scorpius suddenly felt his body begin to buzz, an unanticipated anxiousness blooming within him, as if it knew something was about to happen.

Claudia raised herself up, bringing her lips to his ear. "Do you want to go outside for a little?" she asked, the warmth of her breath washing against his neck.

He nodded, and his skin hummed again as her hand slid down his arm to entwine around his, and he allowed her to pull him gently after her. In the corner of his eye, he saw Al's head as it raised from the game and turned in their direction as they left, but a little voice in his head whispered to ignore it, and he continued to lope after Claudia as she weaved them through the crowd.

When they reached the entrance, she drew the double door open and slipped them through it, the music thudding beneath their feet, in their heads, the sound of the crowd pressing anywhere it could find, and then she closed the door behind them, and it was suddenly silent.

Scorpius could hear himself breathing, he was so keenly aware of it, and he watched Claudia's back as she continued to hold his hand and pull him further away from the door, towards the wall. He barely registered his feet hitting the floor as he followed her, and he wondered how drunk he actually was.

Wait, his brain suddenly breathed, but another, even more gentle, voice whispered, Don't, and that seemed to make more sense to him.

A shadow spilled across the wall where she had stopped them, and Claudia pressed her back against the stone, her hair like a mosaic as it spread out behind her, dappled sinuously by the beams of light that it caught from the chandelier overhead.

Her fingers were suddenly winding between his — warm, soft, fingers that wanted him, and he tried not to stumble as she pulled his arms closer, drawing them around her waist. They instinctively sought purchase there, tightening around her, and her fingers slid up his arms, snaking across his chest, along the shell of his ear, threading through his hair until his body trembled.

She tugged at the strands gently, so that his head bowed towards her, and he could feel her breath lightly on his face, smelling like traces of the chocolate bourbon that she'd sipped from his cup.

It continued to ghost around him, and he finally realised that she had been whispering to him, and his eyes blinked unsteadily, his brain trying to focus.

"…knew this was going to happen," her honeyed voice was murmuring. "Do you remember the first time we did this? When the seventh years were celebrating?" Scorpius couldn't have conjured up the memory if he'd wanted to, but he thought he remembered flashes of warmth, of golden skin and dark, dark hair, and she made it sound so sweet, and pressed even closer.

"You're softer now," she whispered. "There's something about you — you're softer, somehow. I like it."

She shouldn't have been saying this to him; it felt wrong, to watch her lips form the words, like this part belonged to someone else's. "Is this okay, Scorpius?" she whispered, and he'd barely opened his mouth before her lips closed over his.

The taste of her cherry-flavoured lipgloss was just discernible past the beer and the gin and the bourbon, and it suddenly hit him like a tidal wave, and he pulled away with a gasp. The smell of her perfume all around them was so sweet — too sweet, it was almost cloying, he couldn't breathe, he didn't want to breathe it in—

"Claudia," he gasped, his head spiralling, and he heard her whisper his name against his lips in reply, but that wasn't what he meant, and he tried to say her name again, but his mouth felt too clumsy and heavy.

He could feel the warm heat of her mouth as it travelled down to his neck — his skin was blazing where she had kissed it, he was too warm, he felt like he was burning up. His eyes shot open, and for a moment the silhouette that lingered on the wall could've been hers, but then he looked down to see dark brunette hair slipping through his fingers, and that wasn't hers, and then Claudia pulled away, her eyes meeting his for one shining, golden breath, and those eyes weren't hers either, and he barely had time to process any of it before she kissed him again, swallowing up his thoughts as her perfume filled his nose. He could feel her pushing up against him, twisting them both, guiding him, and then he felt the cold, hard stone on his back as he found himself suddenly pressed up against it.

"You're not…you're not…" he tried to say, and then thought dimly, You're not her.

"Not what?" Claudia murmured, pausing before she leaned in to brush against his bottom lip with hers.

What does it matter? the tiny, soothing voice in his head suddenly purred. You've lost her anyway.

No, he thought desperately to himself, and he felt the swell of his lip bump against hers. It was all for her, everything…I only wanted—

"For who?" he heard Claudia ask, the words half-formed and idle, as if she didn't care about the answer.

His eyes felt so heavy, it was so hard to open them. "Are you drunk?" he breathed out.

"What do you think." He felt her hands at the base of his neck, darting underneath the collar of his shirt, and it sent another shock through him.

"Touch me," she whispered, and he felt her hands moving down towards his again, guiding them upwards—

He inhaled sharply as his head snapped up, and he drove it against the wall behind him. I can't. His chest was heaving, pounding, and though he was gasping in breaths, he still felt like he couldn't get any air.

"Can't what?" Claudia seemed to sigh.

I don't know how to be friends with you. Her voice joined his instead, tenderly whispering as if she were saying sweet nothings instead of breaking his heart.

His chest constricted. Claudia was here and kissing him, just like he'd thought he wanted her to, but he was barely registering her touch, the feel of her lips against his numb mouth.

"I can't do this with you." The words spilled out in a jumble, and he felt the movement in her shoulders as she tilted her head to gain better access to him, and he suddenly realised that his arms were still around her, as if, despite everything, he had been holding onto her as if she were some sort of lifeline.

"But we are doing this," she murmured, pressing herself closer, or was it him doing that?

"Claudia, stop," he breathed, finally, and he felt her hands slip from his face as she immediately pulled back, and he sagged against the wall with something that felt like relief.

Her face was clouded with confusion, but there was a defensiveness to her as she stepped back from him fully. He looked at her slightly bruised lips, messy hair that he had tangled with his hands, and his heart twisted impossibly tighter with guilt.

"I'm sorry," he managed out, his voice choked. "There's…there's someone else."

The blood was quieter in his head, the thumping in his chest slowing, until all he could taste was the misery again. It coated his tongue as his breath left him in one defeated sigh.

"There's someone else," he repeated softly, feeling utterly wretched as he rested his head back against the stone wall.

---

Scorpius had lost his appetite for the party soon after he had watched Claudia stalk back into the Room of Requirement, but Toby had — as usual — overestimated the amount of alcohol that his body could actually tolerate, and Scorpius and Al had hauled him out to the Astronomy Tower to get some fresh air. Scorpius had been glad of the night air as well, and had sunk down beside Toby, staring up at the star-strewn sky.

He felt more sober now — definitely more than he was before; definitely not as much as he wanted to be. He was glad to leave the party behind as he arrived back onto the sixth floor, but it didn't stop the memories from swirling around in his brain.

He could still smell Claudia's perfume on him. The scent of too-sweet vanilla was nauseating, he felt almost physically sickened by it, or maybe it was the memory of how his stomach had roiled, his head spinning dizzily as she had kissed him and her perfume had filled his nose and almost made him retch.

But that smell — it had been so familiar to him at the beginning, and he was sure that she had always smelled like that, like something so inviting, almost enticing, and he suddenly realised that this would always happen now. It wasn't just Claudia. She had ruined all other girls for him, and he didn't even have the energy to be mad about it.

He rubbed at his head — he would need a hangover potion in the morning, he was sure — breathing in and out through his mouth. He could almost feel the alcohol slipping out of his system; it wasn't as good at masking what was underneath it anymore, and he felt the melancholy sitting in his stomach, simply waiting to be felt in its entirety.

He arrived at the Heads' dorm. John stared at him for a long moment, his eyes carefully taking him in, and then wordlessly, he swung the portrait hole open. Scorpius nodded at him gratefully and trudged inside.

At least I'll be able to sleep tonight, he thought to himself. The alcohol would've taken care of that. That was something. Maybe he could sleep all weekend long. The idea sounded exceptionally nice.

He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, and when he looked up, he saw Rose standing by the window near the fireplace, staring up at the gleaming moon outside. Her reflection was visible in the glass, and her eyes caught on his from where he stood. She turned around to face him, and a reflection couldn't possibly show the rosiness of someone's cheeks, the warmth of their skin, and Scorpius instantly wondered why he had ever let this girl go.

He blinked at her a couple of times, and then after a moment, asked, "Did you—did you just get in?"

Rose shook her head, playing a little with the corner of her sleeve. "No. I've been here for a while, actually."

He didn't know what else to say, so he just said, "Oh." He wished he was more sober.

Rose studied him a little more carefully, and her brow furrowed. "Did you—were you outside? Your cheeks—I mean. You look a little cold."

He nodded and instinctively swiped a hand across them. They were still cool to the touch. "Toby needed some air."

"Oh." She nodded too, and they fell into silence.

It wasn't a bad silence, because they were both clearly struggling to find something else to say, which meant that they wanted to talk to each other, which felt…new. Scorpius was preoccupied trying to process the fact that she seemingly was wanting to talk to him, and then a dim part of his brain wondered why she was even standing out in the Common Room in the first place.

"Did you enjoy the party?" he asked suddenly.

A look of surprise flitted across her face, but then she nodded. "Yeah. It was fun. Nice to do something besides study, for a change."

She didn't look like she'd had fun — the smile she had attempted was thin, and so clearly draped in sadness that Scorpius felt his heart pang.

He felt so bad about it that he suddenly found himself blurting out, "I'm sorry."

She looked startled, and stared at him in confusion, though there was something in her eyes that made it seem as if maybe they knew more.

He swallowed. "For everything," he explained quietly. "I never meant—" He hung his head and sighed. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," she said softly, her voice gentle, and Scorpius looked up at her in surprise.

He searched her eyes, but they were soft too, a mirror to her voice, and somehow it felt like she wasn't quite so mad at him anymore — at all, really. But she seemed almost more sad than he'd ever seen her, and his muddled brain fought to understand it.

Rose exhaled, the quiet sound sweeping through the room. "I'm…I'm sorry that I was so curt with you. That I've been so…" She looked as if she wanted to say something else, but then she dropped her gaze and finished, "That we haven't really talked."

He was sorry for that too, so sorry for it that he wanted to rip his wretched heart from his chest, just to stop feeling like this.

It must've been the drink lingering in his system, or some other kind of drunkenness, because he heard himself say quietly, "I miss you." The admittance felt like a sigh that had finally been allowed to be expelled, as if a tightness had left his body, and all of a sudden he could breathe a little better.

Rose blinked, and he saw her lip give the smallest tremble, but then she bit it so quickly that he thought he might've only imagined it. She didn't reply, but she nodded, not meeting his eyes.

He heard her draw in a shaky breath — maybe he hadn't imagined it, after all — but, after an unsteady moment, she lifted her gaze back up to meet his.

"But I still mean it," she said, though she sounded sorry to say it. "About…not being able to be friends. At least…not yet." She paused, and the sadness in her eyes seemed to sear into his. "You understand, don't you?"

Of course he understood; maybe he had never even expected it of them himself. Maybe he'd just clung onto the first desperate thing he had thought of.

The image of Claudia's face flashed across his mind again, and he wondered if it would've been less painful if he had just let the girl in front of him walk out of his life altogether.

But he only nodded and said, "I do."

After a long moment, Rose nodded too, and then there was silence again. She still looked heart-wrenchingly sad, and something else that Scorpius couldn't quite place, and he suddenly came to some inner conclusion.

"Hey," he said. "Just...wait there."

Her face creased in confusion, but Scorpius didn't look back as he went into his room. When he came out shortly after, he saw her gaze as it dropped to his hands.

He reached her and held them out. Her eyes were questioning, and she didn't take it.

He sighed. "I…it was supposed to be a birthday present."

He saw her eyes shut for a long moment, a sad little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "My birthday was six months ago," she said, but it came out as a whisper.

"I know."

Her eyes searched his, and then she looked down at the thing in his hands, hidden inside a black drape.

"I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it," Scorpius said, and then immediately thought how ridiculous that sounded given the circumstances. He couldn't tell her the actual truth: that he'd had this gift stashed away in his room for over a month, unwrapped, because he hadn't made his mind up if it was ever going to be a gift.

"That's okay," she said in that same whispered, gorgeous voice, and then she pulled the drape off from it.

When she saw what was underneath, her eyes went wide, her mouth parting in recognition.

She looked so startled, so surprised that Scorpius felt the odd, sudden urge to explain himself. You just seemed like you really liked it, that night in Greenhouse Six, he could say, or, It's not real, obviously.

Or even just, It would've been a waste to throw it away. But he couldn't get a single word out.

He simply watched her as she stared wide-eyed at the present he had made for her, and after a moment, he hesitatingly reached his hands out, so that they were touching hers at the base of the globe. He heard her stifle a little gasp, and he felt his own heart stop.

"Shake it," he murmured, and then it felt like it was shuddering under his hands too, and hers underneath his. He only shook it a little bit, just so that the glistening orbs began to shine and the water licked against the glass; he didn't want it to be too bright. He took his hands away, instantly sorry when he did so, and quickly took a step back to give her space.

She still hadn't said a word. She looked at the lights as if she was barely seeing them, and Scorpius thought that maybe this was a mistake — maybe he should offer to take it back, this was stupid, he was sorry—

But then she swallowed heavily, and when she looked up at him, her eyes looked like they were glistening in the shards of moonlight that were still weakly filtering in through the window.

"Thank you," she whispered in a strained, tiny voice, and she pulled the globe close to her chest and walked past him so quickly that his still addled mind found it hard to register. He turned around to see her hand as it pushed open her door, and then in a blink she had disappeared inside, and Scorpius couldn't see how the tears had finally spilled over, tracking down her cheeks before the door had fully closed behind her.

---

A/N:

Happy Friday! As always, thank you for your endless patience and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's honestly wild to me that there's only one left to go — it's been a long time coming, and I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me through this; it really means the world ❤❤ We're coming up to a little Q&A section here — the beginning few are comments from the last chapter that I wanted to address, and the rest are the actual questions that I received. I got a ton of great ones, so thank you to everyone who took the time to ask them! As it was last time, I hope all of you are keeping happy and safe, and that maybe this chapter managed to brighten up your day just a little bit ❤ Chapter titles come from Bob Seger's Beautiful Loser and The Fratellis' For the Girl.

Q: This took me a few days to get through. I am so frustrated with Scorpius right now. He better get his shit together. Same with Liv to be honest. They both have amazing people that want to be with them and they deserve to be happy.

A: This is him trying to though lmao. However, wrt Liv, agreed; Toby's a goddamn catch.

Q: Wait, let me get this right. So, scorpius pushed aside his feeling and gave up the relationship he and rose had built with great effort because he's worried he might just hurt rose later, when what he just did at the moment is exactly what he's afraid most, which is hurting rose's feeling?!

A: Well, yes and no. Scorpius isn't afraid of hurting her feelings, he's afraid of eventually breaking her heart, and the only way he sees that happening is if he enters into a proper relationship with her (clearly, he is not privy to the information that we have which is that Rose has already fallen for him hard enough that this is already quite a devastating blow to her, but because he doesn't see himself as worthy of those feelings he is unaware of them). In his eyes, breaking things off with her now minimises the damage and takes that immediate fear away so it's not something that he's constantly living with.

Q: I understand Liv's side of it but ugh do I hate how it cemented Scorpius's spiral. Of course, she's not to blame, he's been having commitment issues but ugh, you'd think being with Rose would cast those demons aside. Like (and to your question) he's been in love with her for a while, been scared of his feeling for her and now that hes taken the leap hes STILL looking back?

A: With Scorpius, the issue isn't the depth or legitimacy of his feelings; it's because of those feelings that those demons won't go away. Scorpius doesn't see himself as a particularly good person or partner (and like...valid) and definitely not good enough for someone like Rose. I mean, especially after that revelation about Toby, he's probably never seen himself in a worse light, and I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. So in a way, this is Scorpius being (mostly) selfless for the first time in his life and deciding that regardless of his feelings, he won't allow Rose to be with him because he thinks she deserves better and he doesn't trust himself not to hurt her eventually. And, hmm, if you think about it — has he really taken any leaps besides that initial kiss? It was Rose who was coming up with ways to talk to him after that kiss, Rose who kissed him after the Quidditch final, Rose who broke the silence and kissed him when they reunited after Easter…I mean, yes, he did ask her out to Hogsmeade but it was definitely a moment of rare leadership from him (and prompted by Toby). So yeah, Scorpius never really took the lead when it came to actively evolving their romantic relationship, and hopefully the reason behind that is now clear.

Q: Oh this just broke my heart to little pieces. i just feel so bad about liv though, she really really needs to learn to love herself, stop accepting these toxic relationships and be with the person who actually treats her well!

A: Aww I really appreciate the Liv love! And great insight too!

Q: When do you think Liv started liking Toby back, because it's kind of hard to pinpoint.

A: Ooh good question! I don't think she or I could pinpoint exactly when it was — it's my feeling that her intense love for Scorpius gave her impenetrable tunnel vision, but a part of her has always been aware that from the beginning, Toby has made her feel more valued and loved and beautiful than Scorpius ever has, so when the shine started to fade from around Scorpius and that love could be redirected, those feelings really began to draw breath. So I'd say she became aware of the possibility of more-than-platonic feelings after she and Scorpius broke things off in chp. 10 and she and Toby had spent a lot of one-on-one time together, with those feelings solidifying as time went on (Horatio was also helpful in this as she had someone she could more objectively compare Toby to than Scorpius), but they came to a head at that anniversary party when she and Toby were actually put in a romantic setting where those feelings could've been acted on. And then obviously that thing with Camille was a fucking disaster for her lmao. (I think it's important to point out though that Liv is still in love with Scorpius, and a tiny part of her probably always will be.)

Q: I was the one who said "you write like a Slytherin" so hah point for me, I guess? So I'm guessing you're more like scorpius than rose?

A: Rose is me on a good day; Scorpius is right where I live. (Fr though, I'd say I'm more like Rose when it comes to interpersonal relationships and I guess in my like, general demeanour, but I feel a deep kinship with Scorpius in the sense that I have no faith in humanity and I generally like to be left alone lmao.) (Fr real tho, I usually find myself drawing more from my own personality and opinions when writing Scorpius, which makes writing him a little easier, while conversely being consciously like, "She is a better person than you are so you need to get into her head" when writing Rose. However, there are definitely some commonalities between Rose and I, and we do also have that girl!bond so I'm sure some girly parts of her are taken from me haha.)

Q: Lol I relate to scorpius in a spiritual level, he is awesome. Btw will we ever get to see his patronus in the fic? If not what is it?

A: Hell yeah! Okay, so I had actually planned out an entire scene for Scorp's Patronus reveal in this chapter but scrapped it since it didn't really fit within the timeline of events anymore, and I ultimately felt it was a little too cheesy. However, I recently (lmao last week) decided that I might keep elements of that scene after all as it tied in with a character-relationship moment in the next and final chapter, so I'm going to hold off on that reveal for now. If the scene ends up being scrapped for good, I'll answer this question in the A/N of the next chapter, so keep an eye out!

Q: Sad about the break up but I hope Scorpius figures out that he does love her

A: Or perhaps the fact that he already knows the latter is what caused the former.

Q: Is the last chapter an epilogue?

A: Nope! Epilogues aren't really my thing, I'm afraid!

Q: So I got a couple of questions:

1. Who did Scorpius lose his virginity to? Was it Liv? I know it is a super weird question but I couldn't help it.

A: Yep. He and Liv were each other's firsts. Not a weird question at all!

2. Did Draco ever consider having a second child?

A: I don't think so. I think he and Astoria like their small family unit, and, on a deeper level, I think Draco knew from the beginning that any child bearing his name would face some amount of discrimination, so I think he tried to minimise that by only having one.

3. Did the Sorting Hat ever consider putting Toby into Hufflepuff because I think he would make a pretty good one.

A: Yes! Toby definitely has a fair few Hufflepuff traits, but I headcanon that an eleven-year-old Toby didn't want to be placed in Hufflepuff; not because it's a bad House by any means, but because he wanted to be somewhere with some edge, somewhere to make him feel a little cooler. Also, I still think Slytherins get a bad rep, and I wanted to show that there are many different types of Slytherins, and many that seem to break the still-held Slytherin stereotype. (That being said, Toby's kinda like the Iroh of the Fire Nation lmao.)

4. And lastly, why is Scorpius such a Tsundere? Lol but for real he's so cute when he tries to act uninterested and aloof around Rose even tho it's obvious he has a crush on her, dare say is in love with her.

A: Lmaoooo great question. I won't disagree with any of your points, though I think he would be horrified to realise that he was being that obvious :P But to really answer your question, one thing to get out of the way immediately is that my understanding of Scorpius has grown throughout this writing process, and I have such a better grasp of him now than I did at the beginning, and there are some things I would change for sure (e.g. it's such a small thing but indicative of a larger character inaccuracy — in chp. 5 when Toby uses Scorp as a lean-on when he puts his pants the right way round, Scorp pushes him off and walks away, when Scorp really would've begrudgingly stayed still and probably indulges Toby like this all the time so...author!fail). That being said, I hope it's obvious that Scorp has always had a bit of a softer, goofier side, so it's really about who brings that side of him out/who he allows in to see that part of him. I also think that Scorp and Liv were a textbook example of a toxic relationship — two people who make the other worse by nature of being in a relationship together — and despite her love for him, Scorpius never found any sort of validation from Liv, nor did she make him happy. With Rose, Scorpius is the best version of himself because Rose brings that part of him out, and simply, she also makes him very happy, so his cold front is very hard to maintain around her. However, I had an earlier question that asked about Scorpius' worst flaw and — to quote myself, "unless he likes you, finds you the least bit interesting, or wants something from you, you are essentially meaningless to him, and he will treat you as such"— this still holds true, regardless of how he treats Rose, so I wouldn't say he's a Tsundere overall; only when it comes to Rose :P (P.S. Thank you for taking the time to ask these!)

Q: Please make some greengrass-malfoy connection soon, I just find it odd that Rose is tutoring his cousin and has not commented on it.

A: I've been wanting to address this review for SO long. I'd planned on Rose bringing this up to Will in this chapter from the very beginning, so I had an Oh Drat moment when you brought it up, though I commend your keen eye ;) Hope this finally gives you a little bit of closure!

Q: You know, now that I asked about Scorpius' patronus i need to know everyone's patronus. [cont.]

A: I won't paste your entire review here since it was super long, but thank you so much for taking the time to write it; reading it made me so happy! I'll respond to as much stuff as I can from it — bear with me.

1. Ooh okay, let me think. So Rose's Patronus has already been established as a stallion, and I've just said that I'm holding off on revealing Scorp's. Going from the list that I found online, I think Liv's would be a swan; Gen's a mountain hare; I would love for Toby to have something epic like an orca, but realistically it would probably be a pine marten or dog; and Al's would be some kind of bird, maybe a sparrowhawk? (Bonus: Will would get a Rotty or Saint Bernard, and Juliette gets a big ass polar bear.)

2. Yes to the Leo love! And yes, he and Toby are definitely similar — funny, goofy, empathetic characters with hidden complexity.

3. I'm so happy you feel that way about Liv ❤ I honestly wish I had more time to get into her character because I love all the moments I get to write for her — she really could have a fic all on her own tbh, and I think she'd be a fascinating — albeit frustrating — character to write.

4. Lmaooo Scorpius doesn't do enough human interaction to be a playboy nor chick magnet. He's definitely not as cool as you think :P Rose, on the other hand, is just as cool as you think and honestly, Scorpius could never (and funnily enough, her 'lack of trying' will come up). In complete fairness to Scorp though, I do headcanon that a large number of girls have tentatively asked Scorpius out to Hogsmeade since like 3rd year, and he's said yes to about two of them, so no one tries anymore lmao.

Q: Ooooooh okay, I have a question! What would be all the characters favorite disney movie?

A: WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THIS QUESTION. Scorp = Tarzan or Beauty and the Beast (though he does have a huge hard-on for the Make a Man Out of You sequence), Rose = Princess and the Frog, Al = Hercules, Gen = Mulan (obvs), Toby = Lady and the Tramp or The Lion King, and Liv = Lady and the Tramp or The Little Mermaid.

Q: lmaooo i can't believe Scorpius Malfoy just fuckin friend-zoned himself. your fave could never.

A: This is way funnier than it has any right to be.

Q: If the characters could bend the elements, what type of benders would they be? I think Rose would be a firebender, Toby an earthbender and Gen an airbender, because I think it suits their personalities. I don't know about Scorpius, Liv and Albus. It's okay if you haven't watched Avatar.

A: Omg. What a fantastic question, thank you for asking it! Off the bat, Scorp is a classic firebender, with all their best and worst traits. Toby to me is an airbender (boy gives off some Aang vibes), though I see why you put Earth. I think Al and Gen are both earthbenders, though Al is a bit more of a mix with some air in there too. Liv is definitely a firebender, which is why she and Scorp probably clashed so hard. Rose is more difficult because she has both fire and water traits, but ultimately I'm going to say water.

Q: I just realized that the title of the fanfic implies that Rose and Scorpius are basically psychopaths lmao

A: This is true lmao, though my intention was not for it to be taken quite so literally (more, I suppose, implying the delusion of two people who believe they hate each other along their journey of maaaaaybe pooooossibly falling in love instead?).