Chapter 4: Tears of a Clown

Hi guys, this week's book was written by M.B. Mulhall, I hope you're all happy and healthy.

He was thrashing wildly in bed. Sweat covered his forehead and chest, which was covered in tattoos. He was strapped to the bed and the rubber bite block was still in his mouth.

When his eyes met mine I could see how afraid he truly was and that his eyes had filled with tears.

"What are you doing?" The doctor, whose name I didn't even bother to get to know snapped at me as I pulled out the rubber bite block and wiped the saliva off his face.

The Joker gasped and coughed as he was finally able to breathe normally again.

"Hey!"

I began loosening the straps on his hands and when the doctor stepped closer I spun around to him.

"David Kendall knows I'm here and I have full access to this patient, take it up with him and leave me alone!"

The man in front of me seemed stunned and I wondered if I reminded him off a mental patient, with my puffy eyes, messed up hair and the fact that I wasn't wearing my lab coat.

But he backed away.

Everyone knew who I was of course.

Ex-fianceè of Daniel Kendall. Girl who got the Joker to talk.

His right hand was free and I had to lean over him to access his other hand. He'd stopped screaming and was just groaning in discomfort and pain now. His eyes were closed.

I pulled the curtain close around his bed so he had some emblem of privacy.

"Mr. J." I whispered as I stroked his face with my finger. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

I freed his ankles. He was bruised all over. The restraints had been too tight.

He coughed again and I stroked his face, pushing the green hair from his clammy forehead. His eyes opened and met mine and I could tell the surprise in his eyes.

"Doc..." His voice was raspy and I pulled my hand back.

"I'll get you some water."

I pushed the curtain aside and saw David and the doctor standing there. One of them had a stern look, the other worried.

"You're leaving him alone?"

"Where would he go?!" I shot back and the doctor actually flinched. I filled up a cup of water and grabbed a straw. When I returned to the curtain, I shot one last glare in the direction of the two men and then went back to the Joker.

He looked up at me glassy eyes, the look in them was dazed and confused.

"Here." I sat down beside him on the bed and reached to prop him up with my hand, so he could drink with the straw.

He drank a few sips and then leaned back again, clearly exhausted.

"You came." He muttered, his voice less raspy now.

"Of course." I wrapped both of my hands around the cup. "As soon as I heard you were in trouble."

A dopey smile appeared on his face. "That's flattering, doc."

As his eyes fell shut again I reached out to stroke his face.

Just earlier today he had told me the difference between accepting human mortality and murdering somebody. Murder was fun for him.

Mr. J opened his eyes suddenly causing me to flinch and pull my hand back.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't." He muttered and I pressed my hand against my fast beating heart.

"I'm sorry." I repeated. Of course he didn't want me touching him. He was my patient and he was a narcissist. I was seeing him at his weakest and lowest.

"Don't go." The Joker whispered. "Please don't leave me."

My eyes locked with his. Blue met blue and I wondered if he could see the same vulnerability in my eyes as I could see in his.

"I won't." I promised and reached for his hand. "I'll stay right here with you, Mr. J."

"Why does everyone always leave?"

My heart went out to him in that moment and I stroked his face again gently. Probably in the way no one had for years.

"I'll stay with you."

"What's your name?"

As we looked into each others eyes something past between us. I felt it in my heart of hearts. A connection, a difference in the way we saw each other. A change in our relationship. I wanted to tell him my name, not because it was my professional opinion that it would help him, but because I wanted him to know it. Wanted to be connected to him.

"Harleen." I said. "Harleen Quinzel."

The ghost of a smile crept onto his pale face. "Harley." He muttered, even though I hadn't this nickname to him. "Harley."

It felt right hearing my name from this broken man, in his broken voice.

"It's perfect."

It was. This moment right now. This was when all the walls came down. The mistakes the others had made was right here. It had never been about getting him to talk, getting him to let down his guard. I had to do it in the same way.

"It's unacceptable! How could you possibly let this happen?!"

"I fell asleep Dr. Kendall." I rubbed my neck. "It's not as if I planned for this to happen."

Planing to fall asleep in my patient's sickbed would have been a completely different kind of mess.

"Is this about Daniel?" David looked at me with large eyes, shining with pity. "Are you that lonely that you would seek comfort with that monster? With a patient?!"

Daniel had once told me his Dad didn't get angry, he got mad. His face turned into a wild expression, his eyes blazing and somehow his hair got unruly too.

"I am not lonely." I said calmly, the way one tells lies she wants to believe herself. "And the Joker is not a monster, he is a human being who was treated very inhumanely last night, he has grounds to sue this institute, do you realize that?"

David pressed his lips together, his face contorted with rage.

"Harleen, this is unacceptable, I am sorry about what happened, about Daniel, the accident, the–"

"Enough." I interrupted. "I fell asleep, that's all. Stop worrying and stop talking about my private life." I turned to the curtain. Luckily the Joker was still asleep, but if he hadn't been it's not like a curtain would have conveyed our words.

To my humiliation my patient was sitting up in bed, grinning broadly. Obviously he had heard every word.

Great.

"Good morning, Mr. J, how do you feel?"

Confusion crossed his face and his blank eyes looked up at me. "Who are you?"

My heart dropped into my stomach and David gasped behind me. I rushed forward.

"What?" His memories couldn't be gone, they just couldn't. How long had he been subjected to the shocks?!

His signature crackling laugh had me sighing. From annoyance or relief, I wasn't sure.

"Tricked ya."

"How are you?" I asked again.

"Oh just peachy, Harleen."

David cleared his throat behind me and Mr. J chuckled.

"Doctor Harleen, I mean, sorry, my bad."

"Tired? Nauseous? Headache?"

The Joker shrugged. "Just the usual, nothing dramatic."

"Please." I muttered. "As if you were ever anything but dramatic."

This made him chuckle and the sound of it made my heart flutter. Daniel had never thought I was particularly funny.

"If he isn't in pain and can walk by himself we can transfer him back to his cell." David said, still standing behind me. "And into his straight-jacket."

"I'd like the doctor to check him out first."

"He's busy with a different patient, down in the cells."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll wait for him then, are you hungry Mr. J?" I turned around looking at David other my shoulder. "We should get some sugar inside him, just to get him onto his feet."

"Hey, I can get to my feet." He flung the blanket back and swung his legs to the side of the bed. "Mr. J, no!"

I put my hands on his chest, trying to steady him and preventing him from getting up. I could feel his heartbeat underneath my fingertips. He looked up at me with wide eyes.

"You might fall." I whispered.

"It might be too late for that."

I swallowed and was suddenly all too aware of my own heartbeat. My hand was still on his chest and he wasn't grinning in that maniac way. He was smiling and it was a nice smile. Authentic.

David cleared his throat once more and I pulled back.

"I just...you might be light-headed." I said unable to look my patient in the eye. "You could stumble and hit your head."

"I'll go slow." He promised and heaved himself up from the bed. He didn't stumble, he didn't even sway. He didn't behave in any way as if he had been brutally tortured last night.

As Mr. J and I stood in front of each other I realized he wasn't as tall as I'd thought. As Gotham's notorious killer I'd expected him to tower over me.

But he was just slightly taller than me. If I wore high heels we'd even be the same height.

"He's fine!" David snapped behind me. "We can escort him back to his cell!"

"No." I spun around to my former father-in-law. "I want him checked out by the doctor. He will stay here."

"Actually." Mr. J tensed his back muscles, obviously in pain from the uncomfortable bed. "I will go to the bathroom."

"Not by yourself!" David's face was red from rage.

"No offense, doctor, but I park my car out front, the back is closed if you get my drift."

I try to hide my smile and David sighed.

"I liked you better when you didn't talk."

Mr. J met my gaze. "I'm liking myself just fine nowadays."

"Harleen, we can not allow him to roam freely like this!"

"The bathroom is right through that door." I pointed towards it and then turned to Dr. Kendall. "There's no window, no key, just a toilette and a sink. Let him be."

The Joker made his way towards the small room and then turned around halfway there.

"Actually, doctors, I'm not feeling so well." I could see the amusement in his eyes and knew he wasn't being serious. "I'm fatigued, weak." He paused and I knew it was only for dramatic effect. "Dr. Quinzel, I don't think I can hold my own dick, would you be available to assist me?"

David flushed scarlet and opened his mouth to yell at him but all he managed was to make some incoherent stuttering sounds.

"Why don't you just sit down, Mr. J?"

He lifted his index finger, then pointed at me and nodded. "You're so smart." He grinned at David. "You should hold on to this one. Give her a raise."

As soon as he was inside the bathroom David spun around to me.

"Harleen! This is beyond acceptable! This flirting, this bantering...this stops right now! You cannot treat a patient like this–"

"How do you propose I treat him?!" I interrupted and I didn't care who heard me. I could hear Hailey in my mind, cheering me on, knew she, if nobody else understood me. "By strapping him down?! Hurting and torturing him?!"

Now Davids face grew pale. It was clear that this wasn't exactly a method he could propose, but he also didn't care about Mr. J.

"Everyone says he's a monster." I said, breathing put slowly. "But has it ever occurred to anyone that he might be a monster, because of the way he's been treated? That he was made this way by us? By people who took an oath not to do any harm?"

David shook his head. "Just how naive are you, Harleen? Don't you see that he's twisted your mind?"

"No." I shook my head. "This is what I see, I see someone who is mentally ill and needs help, who is being treated worse than an animal. I am not unprofessional, David, you are. You're afraid of him, you treat him like an outcast, so he became one. I laugh at his jokes, I connect with him and that is how I will help him. You'll see, how this will work out. I understand him, I will solve his riddles, I'll make him whole again."

David was shaking his head. "The head of Arkham wants to speak to you. Harleen, I think you should be pulled from his case."

No! He'd never talk to anyone again, he'd feel abandoned. I couldn't do that to him.

"Well change ya mind." I growled, reminding myself of Hailey as I did it. "You owe me, David. For what your son did."

I didn't wait for him to reply and spun around, leaving both of them behind.

What do you think? Has Harleen crossed a line? What could the head of Arkham want from her?