Chapter 6: City of Clowns

Hi everyone! Thank you for your reviews and messages. They make me so happy and really brighten my day. Today was a horrible day. I'm chronically ill and today was one of those days where by the end of it, I was sick of the sound of my sobs. So anyway, I got through today. It wasn't the first horrible day and it won't be the last. I'm just so happy I get to upload today! This week's title is from a book written by Daniel Alarcón, enjoy and stay safe and happy!

"It's not short enough."

"You can't even see me."

Hailey laughed her high-pitched laughter that always sounded slightly manic. "Harleen, I know you well enough. Whatever skirt you're wearing, you're gonna wanna pull it up."

I rolled my eyes, turning in front of the mirror to see my outfit from all sides.

"I'm not sure pulling up my skirt is the way to go."

"I'm not sure we have the same sort of evening in mind."
Laughing I stepped to my large closet. "Well, I don't know what to wear. Look, can we just video-chat and–"

"No." She interrupted. "No video, look, we'll find something."

"Hailey I'm not sure about this." I sat down on the bed. "Maybe this is a bad idea."

To her credit she didn't sound annoyed.

"Harleen, this is a good idea."

I blinked quickly to fight off the tears threatening to escape from my eyes.

"It's time that you let loose and have a little fun."

"I miss him." I gave up fighting my tears.

"Do you really? Daniel sounds so boring."

I laughed once, wiping my tears. "But he was a part of my life for so long, you know."

"I do." She said softly.

"And I just..." I took a shaky breath. "I feel so lonely. And..." I sighed, saying these words out loud was so difficult. "I miss Mr. J." I sobbed and laughed at the same time. "How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic, Harleen. From what you've been saying, he really likes you and I think...well you know."

Be safe, my little Harley Quinn.

"Know what?"

"I think you might be in – " She stopped this sentence and admitted: "Well I don't wanna say it. You have to, I don't wanna be told I'd been puttin' ideas in ya head."

I had to laugh. "Hailey that's all you've been doing."

"True." She agreed. "But this is different. I think, you like him a lot Harleen and to be real honest with ya, I don't think it's just because you're vulnerable right now."

I didn't reply. The truth was, I'd had similar thoughts on the way home.

You might fall.

It might be too late for that.

"We just connect." I whispered, ashamed of the thoughts that I was actually saying out loud. Terrified of the actions that might follow. "And he...he flirts a lot."

"I know he does." Hailey was smiling. "Can ya blame him?"

"No." I chuckled. "He must be bored out of his mind."

"I meant, can ya blame him for flirting with a beautiful, intelligent woman?"

I blushed. "Hailey, come on. Be real."

"No Harleen. You be real, you're stunning and Daniel and all of Arkham have failed to see it."

"Thanks." I sniffed.

"People in your life have let you down over and over again, true or false?"

"False. As of lately. It was true before I met you."

"So." She said matter-of-factly. "Go out tonight, have fun, dance. Maybe pick up a guy, maybe not."

"Ok." I whispered.

"And Harleen..." I could hear the hesitation in her voice. "I know how much ya wanna do the right thing and I love ya for it, I do. But..." There was a silence and I gripped the cell phone tightly. "Maybe doin' the right thing isn't the right way to go this time. If you love him and he loves you..."

"Hailey." I whispered. "I couldn't. He's my patient."

"I'm not tellin' ya to do anythin', I just want ya to know there's no judgment coming from me, Harleen. I'll always be on your side."

"Really?"

She giggled. "Sure, that's what I'm here for!"

"Thanks Hailey."

"But..." She continued, drawing the word out in a singing voice. "I think it's ok for you to go out and have fun, don't be too hard on yaself. Just see what happens."

"Yeah."

"Wear what ya feel comfortable in."

I nodded. "Jeans and a dark blue shirt. I'll leave the top buttons open."

She giggled. "That's my girl! And Harley-Baby, this crush isn't as dramatic as you think, it might be nice for both of you, if your flirt back a little, you make him happy, right? Where's the harm in that?"

A rational part of me could see all the harm in various forms. But tonight I was letting go of rationality and letting lose. Just a little.

"You're right. There's no harm in it."

The music was loud and I felt whisked away as soon as I stepped into Club Nightingale I was surprised by how free I felt.

Hailey was right.

This was a good idea.

Mr. J was my patient and yes I might have crossed certain limits today. But I needed to dance it out and I needed to distract myself with a different man.

My best friend's voice was as clear in my head as my own.

I was beautiful. I was amazing. I could have ten Daniels lining up instantly.

Men and Women stared at me as I approached the dance floor. I wasn't sure where my confidence had come from. Whether it was Hailey or Mr. J.

Whatever it was, it worked.

The men were admiring and the women were jealous.

I felt like I was on fire. As soon as the I was on the dance-floor the base was part of me and as I swayed my hips people were drawn to me like the moth the flame.

And I loved being the flame.

One man was tall, with blonde hair and blue eyes. They were darker than Mr. J's and as soon I realized I was noticing that I pushed the thought from my head. When he smiled at me I smiled back and went to the bar.

He followed.

"Hey." He smiled and my heart skipped a beat.

"Hey." I gave the brightest smile I had.

"What are you drinking?"

"Vodka, straight."

His eyes were blazing. "Perfect, me too."

We clinked our glasses together and it tasted like freedom. I gripped his shirt and pulled him down, crushing my lips against his.

Be safe, my little Harley Quinn.

I deepened the kiss that tasted like vodka.

"My name's Nick." He whispered, pulling me closer and brushing his lips against my ear. "Nick Stone."

"Harleen." I muttered, pressing myself up against him. "Harleen Quinzel."

He stiffened and I backed away, slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry." Nick looked rigid all of a sudden. Like he didn't want to be here. Like something was wrong. "I can't do this, I'm really sorry."

"Wh–" I couldn't even say what, he was already gone.

I lifted both of my arms in an exasperated way. Not that anyone cared or that anyone noticed anything. Everyone was busy dancing or in other activities and the man I had been kissing was long gone.

"Minor setback." I muttered and immediately thought of how Daniel had used to say I talking to yourself is the first sign of craziness!

Poor Nick, he was probably hung up on someone too and just not ready to plunge into anything with anyone just yet.

I ordered another round of vodka, paying for it myself this time and went back to the dancfloors. There would be other Nicks. Ones that stuck.

The next man who danced with me was tall, with green eyes and dark hair. When we danced, he pulled me close and we swayed together. I was drunk on vodka and recklessness.

His kiss tasted like tequila.

When people bumped into us we laughed and he pulled me away from the crowd.

"Wanna get out of here?" He muttered into my ear.

"Sure."

Our hands fit perfectly together and as he led me outside, his mouth hastily found mine.

"What's your name?" I muttered against his lips.

"Sebastian." He gasped as he pulled me into a nearby alley.

"Harley." I whispered reaching underneath his shirt. "We should get a cab."

He pulled back and I took my hands from his warm skin. It was better to keep our hands off each other until we were at least in the back of a car.

"Harley?" He whispered, but not in a sexy way, more like a fearful way.

"Well, it's short for Harleen."

In the darkness he backed away further.

"I should go."

"What?"

"It was nice meeting you, Harleen."

"What?!"

And once again, this man walked away from me.

"What?" I muttered in the safe darkness all by myself.

Fine. I thought. I'm already outside anyway. I'll just go another club.

"Five guys?!" Haileys voice was loud and squeaky in my ear. "Five guys rejected you?"

"I'm pretty sure it was more. Five rejected me to my face, but as soon as others heard my name they scattered too."

Hailey was giggling. "I can't believe it! Do ya think it was Mr. J?"

After Nick and Sebastian, it was Matthew, Don and Sean. Matthew and I had had a pretty good time, talking, taking shots, kissing. As soon as I'd said the name Harley it was like I'd dosed him with ice cold water. Don had heard the name Harleen and was out the door before I could say anything else. With Sean I'd been more careful, I had said my name was Hailey, but a girl from the dance-floor whispered something in his ear and he was gone in a flash.

"The bartender wouldn't even pour me any more drinks and then I left."

It must have been Mr. J. He knew my name, he knew I'd wanted to go out partying.

"How did he do it?" I whispered. "I just don't understand."

"He must have a lot of pull."

"I just..." I sighed deeply. "I don't understand. Why would he do that?"

"What do ya think?" Hailey asked. "He likes you."

I rolled my eyes, her romantic views were ridiculous and we both knew it.

"No. He likes to control and manipulate things." I jammed the phone between my shoulder and ear and roamed in my purse for some breath mints. "I need to take care of this. He can't get away with it."

Hailey hesitated, but I wasn't surprised by her next words:

"He kind of already did get away with it."

I sighed, because this time she was right. Due to Mr. J's efforts I had not been able to pick up anyone and had once again gone home alone.

"Did you tell anyone?" Hailey asked and I scoffed:

"Who would I tell?"

This made her giggle. "Good point, I'm all ya have! But you know, I do think he means well, in his own way, he likes you and wants to keep you to himself, protect you from other men."

"I need to hang up, Hailey." I opened the door to my car and popped one of the mints into my mouth. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Sure, Harley-Baby!"

When I hung up I still had her voice in my head. It was like I was still discussing with Hailey in my mind. I knew what she was saying that Mr. J meant well, that he liked me; that he didn't want another man touching me. But it wasn't right..

Once inside Arkham I felt better, more relaxed. I knew who I was in here. Hailey wasn't his doctor, she didn't understand him the way I did.

"Dr. Quinzel!" He was sitting in his usual seat in his straight-jacket, he was grinning, obviously very happy.

"You're in a good mood." I sat down, setting my bag down on the floor.

"You know, I live for these moments with you."

"I don't doubt that."

"Ooooh." He sang. "Someone's annoyed, true or false?"

"True."

He chuckled. "Really? How come?"

I glared at him.

"Sorry." Mr. J swayed back and forth. "You had a very unsatisfying night. True or false?"

I kept his gaze and ignored the constant chuckling. "Neither."

"Come ooooon, Harley Quinn." He said in a sing-songy voice. "Tell Daddy what happened."

"Ok." I could practically hear Hailey swooning in my mind and held up my finger. "No. Stop the Daddy-thing right now."

He giggled. "Please tell me about your night, you wanted to go out, what happened?"

To keep this relationship going I had to be open towards him and keep the connection. I had to give something to get something.

And he was saying please.

"I had a good time with five men, we danced, we made out, we were headin' somewhere and as soon as I told them my name, they basically ran from me, they acted like they were scared of me."

Mr. J chuckled, showing off his metallic teeth. "And did you like that?"

"What?" I muttered and tried to ignore the part of me that had enjoyed the new status I'd received. "No. The entire point was to get human interaction."

The Joker was having the time off his life. He was laughing so hard he was almost crying.

"How?!" I hit both of my palms on the table between us. "How did you do it?"

"Oh come on Harley, don't be mad."

"You ruined my entire night! And I'm pretty sure however you did it, it was illegal! This is seriuos!"

"Oh please." He rolled his eyes. "If anything then I saved you from yet another disappointing sexual encounter."

"Yet another?!" I repeated. "What are you talking about?!"

"No one in this city is good enough for you, Harley." He leaned forward as much as he could in his straight-jacket, dropping his voice to a low tone and becoming more serious than I'd seen him in a while. "These low-life, selfish bastards could never show you a good time, not like I could."

I shook my head. "This is crazy."

"Hahahahaaaa." He cocked his head to the side. "We're in an insane asylum, of course it's crazy."

"Mr. J!" I snapped. "This isn't funny. This was not your choice to make."

"Everything concerning you is my choice, Harleen Quinzel." He growled, once again switching from highly entertained to serious in a matter of seconds. "You and I belong together and everyone in Gotham knows not to touch you, they know that I will cut them into little pieces, if they dare come near to you." His blue eyes met mine. "You are mine."

I was enraged. I was disgusted by this macho behavior. But at the same time, his words pierced through me, into every inch of my body, all the way down to my toes. His deep voice made my head spin. My knees wouldn't hold me if I stood up I knew it.

"I am not yours, Mr. J." I put all the effort I had into keeping my voice restrained. "I don't belong to anyone. I can do whatever I want, with whomever I want."

He smiled. "Sure, Toots."

"Stop it! Stop calling me Harley or Toots, or anything but Dr. Quinzel. This has gone too far. My private life is off limits!"

"Sorry." He muttered. "By all means, go ahead, whore around town, you won't find anyone who would directly defy my orders."

"I am not a whore!"

"I never said you were." He grinned. "Dr. Quinzel."

"Undo whatever it is you did." I demanded. "I am not your property, Mr. J. My life is not some toy you can manipulate!"

"Speaking of toys." He chuckled. "You might want to look into some of those, because no man or woman in all of Gotham will be lending you a hand or..." He grinned. "Any other body part any time soon."

"That's it!" I jumped up, grabbing my purse. "This session is over! Guard!"

The Joker laughed loudly as I stormed out. And I could still hear his maniac amusement all the way home.

So what do you think? Are you angry like Harleen or swooning like Hailey?