Story Description: Just to warn y'all, there are some very cheesy parody names of things ahead.
Genre: teen dramedy, action
Rating: T
Mixtape
[PLAYING: TRACK 2]
Crank. Bzzt. Thud.
Ding.
Whizz. Whoosh. Bang.
Ding.
Jangle. Clink. Beep.
Ding.
"Bee."
Ding.
"Bee."
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
"BEE."
Bumblebee wiped some grime onto her yellow jumpsuit and slid out from under the Wasp, catching sight of her very disgruntled teammate. Speedy was standing behind his work table, dressed in a white tee and a red flannel shirt tied around his waist, glaring at her from the other side of the garage.
"What?" she said.
"Can you please put that thing on silent?" he asked, eyeing the pink-cased smartphone in her hand. "I don't even know how you can hold onto that and replace a single-speed transmission at the same time."
She smirked. "Doubting my expertise?"
"No," he replied, the thin shaft of an arrow in one hand and a piece of fletching in the other. "Regardless of skill, most people can't get stuff done when there's a phone going off every five seconds. I sure as hell can't."
Bumblebee sighed. "I'm sorry," she said. "There's just this girl who keeps twitting a bunch of annoying things and it's really, really distracting."
"Twitting?" said Speedy incredulously. "That's what all the dinging is from? Some chick gossiping on Tweeter? What, do you get a notification every time she twits or something?"
She pouted. "Maybe."
"You seriously need to hit that unfollow button."
"She's totally trashing our team!" Bumblebee blurted out, frantically trying to impress the gravity of the situation. "The girl's spreading all these whack opinions and rumors. She's making fun of our names, our car, my clothes…"
He rolled his eyes. "Oh no," Speedy said, speaking in the flattest monotone. "Not your clothes. Heaven forbid someone says that your Bumblebee suit is like, so last season."
That earned him a stare full of bee-stings.
"You don't get it," she said, gripping her phone tightly. "She keeps saying that when I'm off-duty I dress like a 'wannabe-picstagram-baddie.' Apparently my fashion sense sets a bad example for little girls. As if I don't already have all these grown men journalists talking about the way I look in my suit instead of the way I use it to save the freakin' day on the daily. Now how I dress on my own time is a problem? What does that even have to do with being a superhero? It's absurd. It's insulting! It's..."
She trailed off, too heated to even go on.
"So what?" asked Speedy, nonchalant as he fastened an arrowhead onto the shaft. "Why do you care so much about what other people think?"
"Did you see THIS?" came a voice loud enough to nearly break the sound barrier.
Both wincing, they looked over to see Aqualad in the doorway. He was wearing slim-cut trousers and an impossibly soft looking v-neck sweater, which fit loosely over his statuesque physique. His face was pale (well, paler) with distress as he held up his own phone. Tweeter was glowing on its screen.
"Wonderful," Speedy said. "Like it wasn't already noisy enough in here. I can't play the latest Violent Riley's album in a shared space but apparently fish-boy can just barge in screaming at the top of his lungs."
"She said that my hair is synthetic," babbled Aqualad, ignoring his teammate's grievances. "That it's too unnaturally shiny to be real. And she said my ex-boyfriend was a manatee!"
Speedy canted his head. "Well, was he?"
Aqualad leveled a gaze at him deadly enough to communicate the obvious answer.
"I was just asking," said Speedy, suppressing the urge to shrink under the other boy's pupil-less black eyes. "Geez."
Bumblebee, having rose from her creeper, stood shaking her head. "This is getting out of control. People are retwitting her ish like crazy. My DM's are blowing up and I can't even bear to see what they say. She needs to be stopped."
"Agreed," said Aqualad. "We should report her account. Maybe even sue."
Speedy laughed, admiring his newly-assembled arrow. "Gimme a break. You guys are so damn sensitive. Here's some advice: try being more like me and not giving a crap about what losers say about you on social media."
Aqualad stared at him. "She said you listen to eighties hair metal."
"What?"
"Boy bands too," added Bumblebee.
"WHAT?"
In mere seconds, Speedy had gone from the picture of unbothered teenage cool to looking like he was ready to snap the arrow - along with someone's neck - in half. He set the projectile down for its own well-being. Meanwhile, Aqualad strolled over to the archer's side of the garage, casually reading aloud from his phone.
"The embarrassing Kapniss Emberdeen knock-off who goes by Speedy - which is a lame name by any standards, but especially dumb considering he isn't even one of the people on the team who can actually run super-fast - is known to be the 'rebel bad boy' of Titans East,'" read Aqualad in a mocking voice. "He runs around in a ratty denim jacket covered in patches and favors punk music. Evidently he hates 'douchey' hard rock bands and manufactured mainstream 'garbage.' But I hear he's actually partial to a good Guns N'Daisies song once in a while. And he also has a thing for the catchy musical stylings of teen-pop-sensation One Connection. Hashtag 'the hypocrisy.'"
"That's a lie!" yelled Speedy, outraged. "Gimme me that phone."
He swiped the device from Aqualad and scrolled through the other Twits.
"How can she compare me to 'Kapniss Emberdeen'? She's a fictional character who wasn't even written into existence until like five years ago. I've been shooting arrows since I was eight!" he ranted. "Also, I have never listened to Guns N'Daisies. At least not without turning that crap off after the first two seconds."
Bumblebee and Aqualad exchanged glances. Their teammate appeared to be on the verge of an aneurysm.
"And what's up with this chick's handle?" he said. "'The Real Tea Titans?' Does she think that's clever or something? It doesn't even make sense!"
"It really doesn't," said Bumblebee. "But yes, she certainly comes off as thinking pretty highly of herself."
"Her profile picture gives me self-absorbed-nutjob-vibes. The kind emitted by someone who thinks everything she says is a witty hot-take," said Speedy, glowering at the heavily air-brushed thumbnail. The image showed a girl with pointy facial features and thick-rimmed glasses. Her hair was blindingly blonde, and her eyes were a piercing blue. She had a mean mouth with barely any lips, and a finely-plucked eyebrow arched way up high.
"Well, I guess people adore self-absorbed nutjobs," said Bumblebee. "Because this girl has gained thousands of followers literally overnight."
She scrolled on her phone and found a twit from earlier this morning.
"Thanks for 400k everyone!" Bumblebee read in her best bratty, valley-girl voice. "So happy that y'all are supporting my brand of fearless, unfiltered truth! I stay sippin' that tea on fleek, and that's finna slay perdiodt, yas!"
Speedy and Aqualad both cringed. Bumblebee deadpanned at them.
"Barely any of the words in that last sentence were used correctly," she said. "I don't think I've ever seen the typed equivalent of a train-wreck until now.
"Ugh," groaned Aqualad, taking his phone back from Speedy. "This is a nightmare."
"Okay," Speedy said. "This girl obviously sucks, but maybe people are just following her because she's so embarrassing it's funny? I mean what sensible person would buy into any of this crap? All it takes is basic critical thinking skills-"
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
He rubbed his temple, nursing a vein that had popped out and was now throbbing profusely.
"More twits?" he asked.
Bumblebee nodded. "Yeah, I wonder what-"
CRASH.
The sound made the three of them jump. Gazing at each other with unease, they all hurried out of the garage to find the source.
"Ella es mía!"
"En tus sueños, feo!"
"Si soy feo, entonces eres feo!"
"Oh, hell no!"
Bumblebee was beside herself as she watched a blur of colors, most prominently fire-truck-red, dart around the Tower's common area. The Titans' panoramic flatscreen lay smashed on the floor.
"Más, Menos, stop!" pleaded Aqualad. The twins paid him no mind, proceeding to bounce rapidly off the walls while bickering in Spanish. Any chairs, tables, or other pieces of furniture that got in their way suffered the same fate as the television.
"That's it," said Bumblebee, stingers in hand. She raised them towards the ceiling and zapped white-hot energy straight into the fire sprinkler system. Instantly, water rained down onto the room, shorting out the brothers' magnetic connection and slowing them to a normal speed. They rolled around on the floor in front of the others, Más yanking at Menos's overalls and Menos almost tearing off the hood of Más's sweatshirt. They kept shouting and wrestling until Speedy managed to pull them apart. He held the two disheveled boys at a distance while they clawed the air like a couple of angry wolf pups.
"Esto no tiene que ver contigo!" fumed Más, batting at Speedy as the sprinklers faded to a stop.
"Sí, suéltanos! Necesito terminar de patearle el trasero!" added Menos, beginning to gnaw on his hand.
"OW, you little-! All right, enough," Speedy ordered, shoving them in opposite directions."You pipsqueaks are gonna tell us why you're at each other's throats. Now."
Menos crossed his arms and looked away. Más, also not feeling talkative, merely retrieved his phone from his pocket and displayed it with a sour look on his face. Bumblebee could've guessed what she was about to see on the screen.
"Of course," she said. "The Real Tea Titans?"
Menos nodded bitterly. "Ahora que sé la verdad, ya no puedo decir que tengo un hermano."
"Me siento igual," said Menos, wearing a scathing grin. "No creo que pueda tener un hermano tan patético como él."
"Guys," she said. "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? Whatever she twitted, I don't think it's worth getting this mad at each other over."
Menos glared at Bumblebee. "Léelo."
Más kept grinning and shook the phone at her.
She frowned. "Fine."
Taking the phone from him, she looked at the offending, freshly-published tweeter thread.
"Más y Menos are identical twins, save for a couple key differences," she read. "For example: Menos has a gap in his teeth and wears his curly red hair swept towards the front of his head. Más wears his slicked back, which is heard to be the preferred style of one pretty orange member of the original Teen Titans...oh, oh crap."
"Double crap," said Speedy.
"So let me get this straight," Aqualad said, holding his head. "You two wrecked our living room because, allegedly, Starfire likes one of your haircuts better than the other's?"
"Menos lo empezó. No puede aceptar los hechos concretos," stated Más smugly.
"Tú eres quien le lavó el cerebro a Starfire en secreto," retorted Menos. "No sé cómo lo hiciste, pero sé que a ella nunca le gustaría más tu peinado cojo que el mío!"
Speedy smiled and shrugged. "What can drive a wedge between two brothers like a hot alien girl can?"
Bumblebee shot him a very unamused look.
"What?" he asked, genuinely clueless.
"Boy, hush," she said and then turned back to the twins. "Okay, guys, you can't trust a thing this girl says. And since when are you two on Tweeter, anyway?
Menos opened his mouth to reply, but the beeping of Bumblebee's communicator stole the moment away from him. She dug it out of her jumpsuit pocket and clicked it open, scanning details of the new crime-in-progress. However, before she could even relay them back to her team, Aqualad informed them of a more complete version of the situation at hand.
"Control Freak is apparently making trouble at the My Little Porpoise convention downtown," he said. "He's threatening to transport people who don't like his Bubbles and Flippershy fan fiction to another dimension."
Bumblebee blinked. "How did you...?"
More ding's filled the air.
"How do you think?" said Aqualad, holding up his phone.
"Man, is this chick on Tweeter every minute of the day?" asked Speedy.
"Evidently," replied Aqualad. "And she has mean things to say about the bad guys too. Listen to this: The only person lamer than the Titans East is the Z-lister of a "supervillain" named Control Freak. The fact that he has access to a ficbrary dot net account should be considered a crime against humanity. His grammar and spelling are atrocious and he seems to think High School AU's starring anthropomorphic porpoises classify as high art. But you know, maybe he has a point. Those of us with more pedestrian tastes likely can't appreciate the pure poetry of a story described with the tag line, 'Bad summery, but I promise it's better then it sounds.'? Hashtag 'Cancel Control Freak.'"
Speedy snorted. "Okay, that's pretty funny."
Bumblebee groaned.
"This can't be happening," she said as her phone continued to sound with more notifications.
"It gets better," said Aqualad. "'An even worse crime against humanity is the fact that the Titans East can't ever manage to beat this guy for good. Where are they, anyway? He just made a bunch of porpoise plushies come alive and attack some frail, defenseless convention-goers. There's a lot of tears and screaming. Who's gonna come save these poor thirty year-old white dudes?'"
"I vote we just let this one slide," Speedy remarked, unperturbed by the twit.
"As much as I'd like to - and I'd really like to - we can't," said Bumblebee. "Besides, if this 'Real Tea Titans' person is live-twitting the, uh, crime currently happening, that probably means she's at the convention center too. This gives us a chance to find out who she is."
"She just twitted again," Aqualad said, proceeding to read off his phone screen. "The twit says, 'narrowly dodged a Flippershy figurine going 100 mph. I might take back what I said about Control Freak being lamer than the Titans East. His aim is way better than Speedy's.'"
Speedy balled his fists at his sides. "Let's get down there. Now."
Más stuck his nose up at the idea. "No voy a ir a ningún lado con él."
Menos mimicked his brother's gesture. "Same."
Bumblebee bent down to their height, a menacing gleam in her dark hazel eyes. "Oh, you're going."
They looked from her to each other. After a few seconds, they begrudgingly muttered in unison, "Fine."
The floor of the convention center was a battlefield, one littered with dismembered pieces of pastel porpoise paraphernalia. Try saying that five-times-fast, thought Bumblebee as she flew over a crowd of distraught, colorfully-costumed civilians; they were scrambling to retrieve their "My Little Porpoise" merchandise while Control Freak set off one explosion after another. She didn't like to think that "The Real Tea Titans" was actually capable of an accurate take, but most of the convention-goers did indeed look to be thirty or older.
"Put down the marine mammal-themed body pillows, Control Freak," commanded Bumblebee. She aimed her stingers at the greasy, portly cretin sporting a top-knot. He had his souped-up black remote raised and about a dozen pillows levitating in the air above it.
"Eh," he said, grinning with yellowed teeth. "I don't feeeeeel like it."
Speedy had multiple arrows at the ready. "Come on, man. Do these people really deserve to be smothered with a Flittershy pillow just 'cus they don't like your crappy writing?"
"My fanfics are top-tier," growled Control Freak. "And it's Flippershy, you pleb."
The pillows flew at them, and Speedy took out eight with ease, leaving the leftover portion to Bumblebee. She zapped the rest while Aqualad went toe-to-toe with a giant porpoise cut-out.
"You're probably enjoying being surrounded by so many porpoises," Control Freak sneered at him. "I hear you really, really like undersea mammals."
Aqualad viciously tore through the cut-out. "The Atlantean civilization does not have those sorts of intimate relations with aquatic creatures!"
"No, just you I'm guessing," the villain replied, clicking his remote and constructing some sort of golem from a table piled high with chapter books and blu-rays.
"You're dead."
"Chill, fish-boy," said Speedy. "Don't let this glorified couch potato get to you."
"Hey, it's Speedy!" shouted a man wearing a glittery Rainbow Dashi costume, waving his baby-blue flippers in the archer's direction. "Have you heard the latest One Connection song?"
"Who's your favorite member?" the guy next to the vindictive Rainbow Dashi jeered, clothed in a yellow Bubbles costume striped with pink and purple. "I bet it's Leon!"
Speedy clenched his teeth and glanced at Bumblebee. "So, are we like, never supposed to fire on civilians? 'Cus I can think of a few ex-"
"Watch out!" she exclaimed, whooshing them both out of the way as the hulking golem bounded towards them. Más and Menos raced at the figure, knocking it off balance and zipping from place to place, keeping it busy.
Slightly disoriented, Speedy soon gathered himself and smiled at Bumblebee. "Guess I owe ya."
She raised an eyebrow, opening her mouth to say something in return but was cut off by Control Freak.
"Try not to lose your heads, Titans!"
A whirring sound cut through the air. Bumblebee turned to see a series of blu-ray discs spinning towards her like shuriken. However, before she could make a single move, arrows shot out from behind her and eliminated every disc. She looked back at her teammate, who was wearing his signature cocky smirk.
"And I guess now we're even," said Speedy.
"Impressive," Control Freak said, rubbing his remote deviously. "I suppose you all do bring your A-game when you're going up against your greatest adversary!"
Más and Menos had toppled the golem, reducing it to the scattered contents from which it had been assembled.
"Tu? Nuestro mayor adversario?" asked Menos in disbelief.
"Tienes que estar bromeando, perdedor!" said Más.
"I can't understand you!" snapped Control Freak. "Now, where's that Spanish-language-converter button…? Oh, and by the way guys, I'd say you need to rebrand yourselves as solo heroes now that the delicious Alien Powerhouse Starfire has made her preferences known. Though it's obvious that she prefers my style the best."
"Callate la boca!" yelled Menos.
"Ah, karate labooka yaself!" he shot back.
Suddenly, a gush of water propelled him into a wall. Aqualad stood in between two water fountains, looking like he'd had just about enough of the villain's antics. The drenched and discombobulated Control Freak held his remote forward, but before he could cause any further mayhem an arrow crashed into it from above, making the villain drop the remote onto the floor. The smoking device made a sad sound as it shorted out. His head snapped up to see Speedy perched atop a tall bannister. He jumped down onto the floor.
"It's time to end this," said Aqualad.
"My thoughts exactly," agreed Bumblebee. The five of them approached Control Freak, who was hunched over in a way that made him resemble a cornered dog. As they were closing in on him, the dulcet ring of a bell reverberated throughout the room. Immediately, Control Freak straightened his posture and held a forefinger up at the Titans.
"Give me a sec," he said. "I gotta check my Tweeter notifications."
They all looked at each other, mouths agape.
Speedy let out a dry laugh."Are you joking?"
"Uh, no?" Control Freak replied as if the archer barely had two brain cells. "I haven't checked Tweeter in the last hour or so. I'm probably super behind...oOoOh! Looks like The Real Tea Titans has some new twits!"
"You follow that account too?" asked Aqualad.
"A dUH," the villain said. "She's hilarious. And her takes on you five are spot on."
"That's real funny coming from someone who used to be such a raging fanboy of ours," said Bumblebee, hands on her hips.
"Hey, I never stopped being one," he said, looking down at his phone and presumably scrolling through long threads of twits. "That doesn't mean I don't agree with her when she says you dress like a wannabe picstagram baddie. However, my agreement stems from a place of well-meaning concern."
"Concern?" she repeated with a furrowed brow.
"Indeed," explained Control Freak. "'Cus, honestly, the Titans East needs to work on their image. Really Bumblebee, what makes you think guys actually like that much make-up? Or neon yellow socks? Or those hairstyles—! Have you ever thought of going with something a little classier? I suggest an Urana look, particularly the one from the seventh season of Star Trail."
Bumblebee's whole body had gone dangerously still. Her teammates watched the situation unfold apprehensively, bracing themselves for Control Freak to get what he deserved. And to maybe step in if he got a little too much.
"Your feedback has been noted," said their leader, tone overly-sweet. "But I have to wonder, Control Freak, what your thoughts are on 'The Real Tea Titans' take on you? Particularly how she says that you're a Z-List villain and your access to publishing fan fiction is a 'crime against humanity'?"
"Uh, excuse me?"
She crossed her arms. "You heard me right. Check her twits from about a half-hour ago."
"What the heck are you talking-HEY!" said Control Freak indignantly. "She just twitted that my fan fiction 'makes My Immortal look like classical literature!' What the hell? And she said a ten year-old could make a better quadruple light-sword than me!"
"Probably true," said Speedy.
Bumblebee made an exasperated sound. "Clearly, no one is safe from this person's verbal assaults. Now, it's time for you to go back to your comfy padded cell."
"B-But," whimpered Control Freak, clutching his phone. "I'm a victim here too! This—this is libel! Slander! I'll sue! I'll start a campaign to—!"
Aqualad cut the rogue off with a swift hit to the back of his neck.
"Thanks, Al," said Bumblebee.
Not too long after Control Freak had been knocked out, the police arrived to take his unconscious body away. The Titans attended to the convention-goers, who were still reeling in the aftershock of Control Freak's attacks. Fortunately, no one was seriously harmed; they were mostly mourning their damaged costumes and broken, limited-edition My Little Porpoise figurines.
"Signed by the voice actors themselves!" Speedy said animatedly.
"Be nice," said Aqualad, nudging his teammate in the arm.
"Why should I?" he griped. "These so-called innocent civilians happen to be idiots who buy into propaganda."
The other boy laughed. "I don't think mean words on social media can be categorized as propaganda, Speedy."
"Cyber-terrorism, then."
Aqualad rolled his eyes.
Menos held up an impassioned fist, asking, "Entonces, cómo se supone que vamos a averiguar quién es este fraude?"
"I have no idea," said Aqualad. "I mean, if they were here, the person running the 'Real Tea Titans' could have fled the scene already."
"She twitted five minutes ago," Bumblebee said, looking down at her communicator. "And she just twitted again. Said we used unnecessary force when apprehending Control Freak because we're a bunch of power-mad vigilantes. And that we bully adult My Little Porpoise fans!"
"Bee," he asked. "Did you really sync your tweeter feed with your Titans com?"
"It's for research purposes!" she defended in a huff.
Speedy eyed the black of a blonde head through the glass doors of the convention center. The young woman turned slightly and he could see that she was furiously typing away on her phone.
"I got your research right here," he muttered before bolting out the door. He stomped up to the unsuspecting blonde and grabbed her shoulder, whirling her around to face him. She looked at him with wide, bewildered eyes as he snatched the phone out of her hands.
"Caught you red-handed!" he barked. "What lie are you disseminating to the public, now?"
Speedy scanned her phone screen. However, he soon found that he wasn't looking at Tweeter, and instead a very heated fight via text with someone named "Chad."
"What the heck is wrong with you?" seethed the blonde. "Give me that back!"
The irate woman took back her phone.
Well, thought Speedy. That wasn't my smartest move.
"Uh...sorry?" he said, offering her a sheepish grin. "I, um, thought you were someone else-"
"Gosh, The Real Tea Titans is right about the Titans East!" she snapped. "You're a bunch of amateurs! Especially you. Your judgment is as bad as your aim!"
Speedy scowled. "Listen, lady-"
"Speedy!"
He looked to see that Aqualad and the others had joined them.
"Please excuse us, Miss," interjected his teammate while stepping between the two, voice dripping with Atlantean charm. "Our team is under a lot of stress right now. You understand, don't you?"
Though she was still upset, the woman's expression lessened in intensity at the sight of his handsome face.
"Ugh," she said, glaring at Speedy. "Fine. I'm outta here."
She harrumphed and marched off. Más elbowed Speedy, commenting snidely, "Buen trabajo, genius."
He side-eyed him with a dirty look. Bumblebee shook her head.
"Speedy, I want to find out who the Real Tea Titans is as much as you, but I really don't think profiling every blonde girl with a smartphone in this city is the way to do it," she said.
"Feh," he said, shrugging. "So I had the wrong girl. Doesn't mean we weren't all thinking it could have been her."
Out of nowhere, Menos began shouting and pointing to the other side of the street.
"Allí! Ella está ahí!" he said, referring to a bespectacled, texting blonde woman walking side by side with some guy. The couple froze, appearing startled. Menos was about to dash over to them before Bumblebee grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.
She flashed the man and woman a toothy-white smile. "Eheheheheh," she said. "Sorry about that! Nothing to worry about, folks."
Disturbed, the couple simply stared back before walking away. Still holding onto Menos, who was grumbling resentful remarks in Spanish under his breath, Bumblebee turned to her team and addressed them with a no-nonsense tone:
"We're going home."
Back at Titans Tower, Bumblebee stood over an open blender sitting atop the kitchen counter. Más and Menos, apparently having only agreed to make nice while on-duty, were giving each other the silent treatment. They had resigned themselves to different parts of the tower, with Más bothering Speedy during the latter's target practice and Menos sulking on the stool across from Bumblebee.
It was a step up from them destroying furniture, but still, no one was happy about the twins' predicament, or the entire situation in general. Their whole day had gone to heck because of one rogue Tweeter account.
"This is all so silly," said Bumblebee, slicing a banana into the blender. Menos passive-aggressively tick-tacked on his handheld game console. She observed his expression. It was a mix between anger and sadness.
"You know, even if what The Real Tea Titans said about Starfire is true," she reasoned aloud. "Why does that matter so much to you? Why do the opinions of others matter so much to any of us?"
It was as much a question aimed at him as it was to herself.
"Starfire es la chica más hermosa y perfecta del mundo. Lo que ella piensa de mí es todo," replied Menos matter-of-factly.
Ooohhhkayyy, thought Bumblebee.
"I know you like Starfire," Bumblebee said. "A lot. She seems like a really nice person - way too nice to say something petty enough to divide you and your brother like this. But let's just say she does like Más's hair better-"
She paused when she saw his devastated face.
"-which I would bet is a hundred percent NOT true," assured Bumblebee. "But hypothetically, let's just say it is. Why let it drive you crazy? It's just hair. The fact that you wear yours differently doesn't mean you're any less than your brother. You're both unique people and your differences don't mean you, Menos, aren't as good of a hero or person as he is. You know that. The team knows that. The people whose lives we save on a daily basis know that. Or at least, they should."
Menos's console made a pitiful noise as his character, a plucky electrician with a beard, met his fate at the vines of little plant creature known as a "joomba." He looked back at Bumblebee with clouded eyes.
"El problema no es que crea que a la mayoría de la gente le agradamos más uno de nosotros que el otro," Menos explained, his voice a little shaky. "Es que normalmente no se molestan en diferenciarnos en absoluto. Y cuando alguien finalmente lo hace, lo hace solo para decir que el amor de mi vida prefiere el cabello de mi hermano al mío."
For a moment, Bumblebee was at a loss for words. She hadn't expected something so clear and straightforward from a thirteen year-old boy. I see now, she thought.
"People think you two are the same person," Bumblebee said, meditating aloud on what he had just so candidly told her. "Just because you're twins who share a superpower, they think that you share an identity, that there's no point in trying to look deeper and see you as two individuals with completely different personalities. And when…"
She saw a tear roll down his cheek. Putting down the banana, she reached over the counter to put a hand on his shoulder.
"And when the Real Tea Titans did distinguish you from your brother, she did it only by shallowly commenting on your looks," she said. "She made it seem like someone really special to you picked your brother over you like y'all were two were just two different styles of shirts. Like you weren't actually people with feelings. And she did it in front of everyone. That's why it's embarrassing. That's why it hurts."
Menos nodded, trembling with repressed sobs. The boy's face reddened as he fought back the tears, his mind too prideful to allow himself to break down, but his heart driving his body to react in the opposite way. Bumblebee retracted her hand and walked around the counter. She stood next to Menos's stool and gently wrapped her arms around him.
"Probably doesn't help that Más has done nothing but rub this in your face," said Bumblebee, rubbing the boy's back. Menos jerked away from her, wiping trails of mucus on his sleeve.
"Siempre salta ante cualquier señal de que alguien más lo favorece a él antes que a mí," said Menos.
She ruffled his hair. "Guess he hates that people think of you two as the same person, too."
Menos nodded, glaring at the floor.
"Well, that doesn't make it right for him to boast," she said. "But maybe, if you both could tell each other how you feel…"
Her phone dinged. Multiple times.
"Wonderful," she said, watching the teary-eyed boy in front of her grab a napkin in which to blow his nose. "Honestly, I've had it up to here with this girl. She is not getting away with trashing our team like this!"
Opening the Tweeter app, Bumblebee prepared herself for the worst. She wondered if another villain was on the loose and the Real Tea Titans was at the scene yet again, live-twitting the incident before the team's communicators had picked it up. Or maybe the girl had more "tea" to spill on Aqualad's exes, or Speedy's taste in music, or Starfire's dating preferences and how the twins stacked up in comparison...
Bumblebee froze when she saw the new thread of twits. Menos stared at her with worry, a glistening thread of snot bridging his nostril and the napkin in his stubby fingers.
"Está todo bien?" he asked. The grip she had on her phone was so tight he thought she might crush it to pieces.
She read the biting words:
Bumblebee is supposed to be the leader of the Titans 's a sixteen year-old girl playing mother hen to four boys, two of which are older than her.
A job like that requires a serious, competent mind who knows not to mix business with pleasure. But I've heard Bumblebee has a hidden tendency to be a little boy-crazy!
It's well known among TT stans that she and Jump City's Cyborg went out a year or so ago (need I remind y'all about one of the most memorable Sadie Hawkins' dances in history?) but it didn't take her too long to get over him.
She's been known to flirt with Hotspot of Titans North and even Robin, the Boy Wonder himself! Judging by the way she dresses off-duty, it's pretty clear to anyone with eyes that she's always trying to seek the attention of the opposite sex!
Some feminist. She's far from being a role model for the kids of this city, or anywhere for that matter.
Let's also not forget that she's on a team with both Speedy and Aqualad. That's more than enough to test the self-control of a fast young girl like her.
Y'all, be real - we definitely know she's not a virgin, right? And that's all tea, all shade. On point, periodt!
A loud swish drew her attention away from the vitriol in front of her. Mouth hanging open, she looked up to see Speedy, Aqualad, and Más standing in the entrance to the common area. Their faces bore anxious concern, which only added to her desire to to melt into the floor out of pure humiliation.
She clamped her lips shut and swallowed hard. Inhaling and exhaling deeply through her nose, she tried to let her frenzied emotions flow out of her.
It didn't work. But she tried to act like it had.
"I take it that you've all heard the latest tea," she said, voice cool and airy like she wasn't still boiling with rage on the inside. Warily, the others approached her and Menos.
"Bumblebee…" Aqualad started. She saw the twins trade spiteful looks. Annoyance pricked at her in response.
"You know what?" she said, slamming her hand onto the counter and making all four boys jump.
"What?" asked Speedy, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
"I am tired of letting this girl get to us," she said with firm resolve. "We are not going to crumble from her making up all this nonsense about the Titans East. We're much stronger than that! And as such…"
She addressed Más and Menos.
"You two are going to squash your beef. Right here, right now. Más, I think you should go first."
"Qué?" asked said twin, wide-eyed.
"You heard me," said Bumblebee. "You are not going to continue fighting over something The Real Tea Titans started. She's just one idiot with a tweeter account. The garbage she spouts isn't worth hurting someone you love over."
Más's expression slowly turned repentant. He looked at his brother. Menos still seemed bitter.
Before either could say anything, Bumblebee's communicator beeped. That happened far more than anyone liked.
"Oh, what now?" she asked, exhausted. Flipping it open, she could barely believe the news.
"It's Control Freak," she said. "Again! He's trying to start something down at the prison."
"Geez, what has gotten into him lately?" Speedy asked. "Do his fellow inmates not like his fan fiction either?"
"Who knows," said Bumblebee. "I'm just glad that you-know-who hasn't twitted about it yet."
Aqualad looked down at his phone. "Um. Well, actually."
She heaved a weary sigh. "Save it. Let's just go do our jobs."
The city's maximum security prison was located on a small island right off the harbor. Though at the moment, Bumblebee was questioning the "maximum" nature of it's security. How Control Freak had managed to get his hands on another super-powered remote while inside the prison's walls, she didn't know for sure. However, she was definitely going to find out - right after they handled their current, very volatile, situation.
"Feast your eyes on my latest masterpiece, Titans!" bellowed Control Freak from atop a giant robot constructed of massive security monitors and various other electronic equipment. It had bundles of loose, crackling wires for tentacles. On every screen was a live image of a member of their team, staring fiercely back at the monstrosity. Tens of hundreds of other freed supervillain prisoners stood at the robot's feet wearing mischievous grins.
"Aww, just look at those terrified faces," said Control Freak, fiddling with his remote. "What's scarier, my robot, or the fact that every TV in town will be showcasing your failure to prevent the biggest jailbreak in history?"
"You're broadcasting this to the public?" asked Aqualad dully. "Haven't you tried doing this to us before?"
"Yeah," said Speedy, drawing his bow. "Can't the 'master of mass media' come up with some fresh and inventive ideas instead of repeating old ones? Your shtick is getting real boring."
"How dare you!" snapped Control Freak."I am THE most innovative, original member of all the Teen Titans' rogues galleries combined!"
Bumblebee scoffed. "Please. Dr. Light would rank above you any day of the week."
"Oooh, quema," said Más y Menos in unison.
A huge vein pulsed in Control Freak's forehead, about ready to burst.
"You. Take. That. Back," he ordered.
"I will if you surrender," said Bumblebee, eyes going from Control Freak to the crowd of criminals below him. "If you all surrender."
Control Freak smirked. "Let me think about it...no. Get 'em, boys! Me 'n Videodrone got some prison walls to blow!"
The crowd charged at them. Speedy fired a jumbo boxing glove-arrow at the large inmate barreling towards him, leading the pack. It bowled the man and a fair few other prisoners behind him over like pins.
"Very original name," said the archer.
"SHUT UP."
He leapt to avoid a bunch of hot wires that whipped at the ground, leaving scorch marks. Bumblebee buzzed around the robot, firing her stingers mercilessly. It batted and swiped at her while Más y Menos tried to round up the other criminals. Control Freak, staring down at his remote, half-distractedly yelled at his creation, ordering it to focus on busting through the walls so the prisoners could escape.
"Ugh," groaned Bumblebee as she was whacked to the ground. She glanced at Speedy.
"You got something strong enough to stop that thing in its tracks?" she asked him.
Winking, he replied, "Gotcha covered, boss lady."
Speedy plucked a special arrow from his quiver and drew it back in his bow, aiming for the screen at the center of the robot's chest. It displayed the archer's concentrated face in high-definition. Searing wires swayed erratically in front of the robot's torso. A horde of them lashed out at the prison wall, producing a fiery hole.
"Now, Speedy!" cried Bumblebee, zapping villains left and right to keep them off her teammate. His eyes widened as he saw an opening.
The arrow soared straight into the screen, shattering the glass. From the black emptiness of the monitor swelled a huge mass of clay. In seconds, it ballooned in mass, covering the entire robot and hardening until it looked like a lumpy reddish-orange mountain.
"Hey!" shouted Control Freak. "That's not fair!"
Aqualad had climbed to the top of the wall. Bumblebee swiftly flew both the twins up, and Speedy joined them all via zipline. Back straight and chest puffed forward, Aqualad held up his arms and summoned a giant wave of water from the harbor. It flooded over the wall and through the hole, putting out its flames and washing all the prisoners back towards the prison compound.
Bumblebee took a deep breath, focusing all her energy on what she was about to do. She pointed her stingers at the clay-covered robot and fired a large current of white-yellow electricity straight at it. It charred and crumbled to the ground.
Control Freak screamed like a ten year-old child as he plummeted with the remains of his robot. Aqualad motioned for the water to recede, and Más y Menos turned into a red and white streak down the side of the wall, nabbing Control Freak's remote before he could even think to do something else with it.
As the guards apprehended and ushered all the sopping-wet supervillains back into their cells, the Titans East looked down at the pitiful bad guy begging on his knees for his remote back. They had found out that it was the last spare his prison BFF, named "Wendell," had been holding for him under the condition that Control Freak would get him an illegally-recorded rare stage production of "Star Trail: The Musical," which contained footage of Urana's "wardrobe malfunction." Considering Control Freak had just confessed to not possessing such a tape, and also to the fact that there was no such thing as "Star Trail: The Musical," Wendell was now his ex-prison-BFF.
Bumblebee was holding his beloved remote in her hand and not looking the slightest bit sympathetic.
"You're being transferred to Jump," she said, casually examining the device. "In a straight jacket. After being thoroughly frisked."
"PleeEEAAse!" he whined. "You can't DOoooOOoo this! Just give me my remote back, I'll do ANY—"
"Gosh, how does this thing even work?" asked Bumblebee, ever the curious engineer. "Is this the central command button right here?"
"No WAIT—"
Suddenly, the pad of multi-colored buttons and switches parted down the middle, revealing themselves to be constructed of two panels that slid to opposite sides and exposed a small screen.
And, lo and behold, the sight on that screen, was none other than-
"Tweeter?" exclaimed Speedy, who had been looking over Bumblebee's shoulder. In plain view was the profile picture of a familiar, insufferable blonde.
"It's The Real Tea Titans's account!" said Aqualad. "Only it's from the user's view! Which means that—"
"Control Freak," said Bumblebee incredulously. "You're The Real Tea Titans?!"
He responded with nervous giggles, tapping his forefingers together.
"Uh-hummm...yeah?"
Bumblebee yanked him forward by his lapel. "Explain yourself. Now."
He gulped.
"I...uh…" stammered Control Freak. "Needed a platform for all my spicy takes! And seeing as I had been banned in an official capacity from all social media…"
"You decided to make a fake account," finished Aqualad.
"Okay, but..." Speedy inquired, pointing to the screen. "Whose pic is that?"
Control Freak shuffled his feet. "It's my cousin Karen's. She doesn't use social media."
"Todo esto está tan mal," said Más, putting a hand to his forehead. "Y sin embargo tan apropiado."
"Por qué harías una cuenta para insultarte a ti mismo?" asked Menos.
"Yeah," said Bumblebee. "Why would you say such horrible things about yourself to thousands of people online?"
"Isn't it obvious?" asked Control Freak, grinning. "First of all, I had to make people rule out the possibility that it might have been me behind the account. Second - it's just great publicity! Do you know how many more hits my fanfics have been getting ever since The Real Tea Titans said that they're worse than 'My Immortal'?"
"Wow," commented Speedy. "You really did the most for views and followers, didn't you?"
"Doesn't everyone?" replied Control Freak with a shrug.
Aqualad looked at his teammates. "He's got a point there."
Bumblebee thrust Control Freak back onto the ground. "I don't care about any of that," she said. "Do you realize how miserable your lies have made us? We've become laughing stocks because of all your bogus rumors!"
"Hey, my takes were NOT lies," he said. "They were carefully thought-out and articulated critiques. If anything, you guys should be thanking me for so bluntly pointing out all the things you need to work on as a team! My words may have been harsh, but they came from a place of love. Love that only your number one fan could have!"
"How is fabricating stories about me dating a manatee a 'critique'?" demanded Aqualad.
Control Freak tilted his nose up in an over-dignified manner. "Perhaps I stretched the truth here and there, so sue me."
"I just might," Aqualad snapped. "Because none of the stuff you spread about us was even remotely true!"
"I wouldn't say that," the villain said salaciously. "I think I got the details of Bumblebee's love life down pat."
She felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Speedy took a menacing step towards her tormentor, who inched backwards on reflex.
"Okay, creepazoid," said the irritated Titan. "I think you've said enough."
Yet, miraculously, Control Freak continued speaking.
"Oh, my dear, sweet, precious Titans," he said shakily, half-gloating and half-gushing. "this was the perfect way to knock you all off your game, and even turn you against each other."
He simpered at the twins. They glanced at each other, faces full of remorse before they turned back to the self-satisfied villain. His expression soon faded and was replaced with fear.
A smile unfurled across Bumblebee's lips.
"Well, your plan has clearly failed," she said, stepping aside. "But you know, it was quite a scheme. For thinking up something so diabolical, you definitely deserve some type of award. An exclusive 'Titans East' stamp of approval, if you will…"
"Huh?" asked Control Freak, stars gleaming in his eyes. "Really?"
"Mhm," she replied.
"Y aquí está," said the twins, landing a double-sucker punch to the villain's face and knocking him out. He'd eventually wake up to find that his "stamp" took the form of matching black eyes.
Bumblebee put her hands on her hips. "And that's on periodt."
In the few days after the incident at the prison, Control Freak had been made to deliver a public apology to the Titans East on primetime television, acknowledging everything he had said as The Real Tea Titans to be premised on baseless claims. On top of that, his fake Tweeter account had officially been deleted. Bumblebee had no doubt countless screenshots of its lurid twits had been taken by users before its deletion.
Besides all of that, there was something rather interesting that had happened in the time that the rogue account had been active:
Bumblebee had gained thousands of new followers on all her socials, especially picstagram. Her inbox was now full of girls asking where she got this top and that mini-skirt, along with begging for a "Baddie-How-To" guide. Aqualad had witnessed a sizable increase in followers as well, and the twins had decided to capitalize on all the recent drama by creating their own Waynetube channel. They already had over ten-thousand subscribers, which greatly helped them forget all about their previous beef.
Speedy took pride in being as off-the-grid as he could manage in their line of work, so there weren't any platforms on which his popularity could flourish in the same ways as his teammates. However, there was now a concerted effort among Titans East's fans to get him to make a Tweeter account.
She knew that wouldn't be happening any time soon.
"People keep twitting at Aqualad and trying to solicit your thoughts on K-Pop," she said, leaning against Speedy's work table while he replaced his bowstring.
"Oh, yay," he replied. "If only they knew the freakin' fountain of wisdom I'm itching to spill on the subject."
Bumblebee laughed. "What can I say? The public wants your 'spicy take.' Though more people want to know about Aqualad's hair-care routine. Teen Edge mag might even do a feature on it."
"Well, better that than his questionable dating history," said Speedy.
"Speedy," she admonished gently, giving him a pointed look with her eyes but maintaining her smile. He grinned back in semi-apology.
"Anyway," he said. "How are you holding up now that this dumpster fire of a situation has blown over a little?"
She shrugged. "I don't know, really. Even with Control Freak outing himself and admitting to his lies, there are lots of people who still believe them anyway. I've been getting more than a few people on Tweeter probing about my relationship with Robin. Including everyone's favorite Tamaranean."
"Damn," said Speedy. "She at-ed you?"
"Dm-ed. It's weird that Robin didn't do anything to intervene first."
"Eh, not really," he replied. "It's not really pigeon's style. His skills in diplomacy unfortunately don't apply to, uh, this kinda thing. So, how pissed was Starfire?"
"Well," said Bumblebee. "She didn't seem pissed at first. More like...confused. It was awkward, though - I had to explain exactly what 'flirting' meant among humans. And then she got pissed. But all it took to resolve the issue was me telling her that the rumor about me flirting with Robin was as true as the one about her preferring Más's hairstyle better than Menos's."
"Ah," said Speedy, pulling on the newly-installed string and checking its durability. "That's good to hear. How are the twins anyway? I take it by their burgeoning Waynetube career that they're best buds again?"
"More or less," she said, catching the unintentional pun a second after she had made it. He gave her an amused look.
"That was corny," he said.
"I swear I didn't mean to," Bumblebee said, holding up her hands in jest.
Speedy formed a smile in return, but it soon vanished from his face. He assumed a more sober tone. "Bee," he said. "How are you feeling, really? All that crap Control Freak said about you was beyond messed up."
She held her arm and avoided his eyes, quiet as she considered her words.
"I..." she said finally. "I think I'm actually going to be okay."
He raised an eyebrow, biting back the urge to say "you sure?" like a concerned older...something. He was never totally comfortable with labelling his concern for her as "brotherly." Aqualad could have that title.
"I'll admit it hurt a lot at first," she continued. "I know it was just petty gossip, but it gets really hard having to deal with everyone scrutinizing you. Like, I correspond with Hotspot and Robin because we're all team leaders and have to check in from time to time. But I guess when you're a girl, any confident interaction you have with a guy is automatically seen by judgmental morons as flirtatious."
"Guess so."
There was another pregnant pause.
"I've been thinking," said Bumblebee. "What if I do flirt with guys? What if I do go out with them and have fun and I'm not a-a-well, you know, that word-anymore."
Speedy's eyes were glued to the table below him. What the hell am I supposed to say here? he thought, hoping the panic he was experiencing wasn't evident on his face.
"I mean," he said. "There's nothing wrong-well, you know best-that is to say-it's totally up to-"
She cut him off before he could crash and burn any worse than he was already crashing and burning.
"It's no one's business but mine," she said, fist righteously clenched. "I make my own decisions, wear what I wanna wear, do what I wanna do, and as long as it doesn't affect how I kick bad-guy butt, I don't know why people stay so pressed about it, y'know? I never hear them fuss about this stuff when it comes to dudes."
He coughed. "Ahem, yeah. Damn straight. It ain't right."
"Like, what kind of loser religiously keeps track of whether a teenage girl is still a virgin, anyway?" she said. "What is this, the 1950s? Virginity's not even a real thing."
His shoulders felt as taut as his bowstring.
"B-but, like," she said, becoming timid. "I mean, even if...like, let's say a hypothetical sixteen year-old was still what society might consider a 'virgin,' that would be okay...wouldn't it? Not 'okay' in like she's doing good on maintaining some weird puritan values, just 'okay' as in she just hasn't found the right..."
He took a deep breath and gave Bumblebee a sidelong glance.
"I think you already know the answer to that," Speedy said, voice smooth and reassuring. "hypothetically, of course."
He winked at her. Odd as it was, she was getting used to that.
"You said it yourself," he said, unscrewing a bottle of resin. "You do what you wanna do. Which means you also don't do what you don't wanna do. And that's that."
They were silent again for a moment. She didn't express her gratitude aloud, but her pretty smile communicated the sentiment well enough.
Bumblebee cleared her throat. "But even if I do eventually wanna do it-"
"Is Al around, Bee?" he asked, ears turning pink. Speedy could only handle so much of this kind of talk from her. In his opinion, the touchy-feely-Sixteen-magazine crap was way more Aqualad's department.
She pressed the tips of her sneakers together, feeling embarrassed. His eyes softened.
"You're good, Bee," he said. "You're fine. Everything's fine. Don't waste another thought on whether or not the rest of the world says otherwise."
She beamed. "Right."
Tentatively, Bumblebee reached out and touched his shoulder. Her hands were soft against the thin white fabric of his T-shirt. "Thanks."
He nodded. She turned to leave, but then looked back at him. "Hey," she said. "I'm sorry Control Freak said what he said about you, too. It was-"
"Pure heresy," finished Speedy, wearing a relaxed grin. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I willingly listen to any douchey eighties metal band."
"Uh huh," she said with a small chuckle. "By the way - I'm making smoothies again for Más and Menos. You want one?"
"Sure," he replied. "Hit me with a mango-strawberry. I'll be out in ten."
"You got it," replied Bumblebee, giving him a thumbs up as she walked out of the garage.
Despite his leisurely exterior, on the inside Speedy remained wound up from their conversation. His ears were also still pink.
Just gotta find some way to chill out, he thought.
When he was sure that the door was firmly closed and Bumblebee was out of earshot, he pulled out his phone. Holding down the home button, he commanded in a clear voice:
"Play: One Connection."
Now who do you think you are
Puttin' your cheap two cents in?
Don't you got nothin' to do
Than worry 'bout my friends? Check it!
-Salt-N-Pepa, "None of Your Business"
[END: TRACK 2]
A/N: Technically "Tweeter" is canon in the DC Animated Universe...hehe