Attention all pimps, playahs, and pain-purveyors! It's your main homie, Avocado-sama, and his partner in crime, NorthSouthGorem, who you may remember from Kuroinu: Double Mayhem.
Speaking of… we were originally going to write a new chapter of that… but we got distracted by the shit light novel this fic is based on.
Maou Gakuen no Hangyakusha ~Jinrui Hatsu no Maou Kouhou, Kenzoku Shoujo to Ouza wo Mezashite Nariagaru~
Nothing makes sense, the girls are sexy as fuck, and an actual hentai artist is doing the art for both the LN and Manga.
...So it's basically Shinmai Maou no Testament.
And both, while obvious DxD rip-offs, are still better than DxD!
NOW LET'S GET ON WITH THE FUCKING MEMES SO I CAN GET TO MY SI SIRZECHS FIC!
Chapter One: The Valley of Lewd
"It's time to wake up..."
A voice reverberated in his ears. A sound so beautiful he couldn't quite describe it. So pleasing, and so melodious that his barely conscious mind nearly fell back to sleep.
"Nnn…five more minutes," mumbled Morioka Yuuto, turning over.
"You have to wake up now, my king."
Yuuto finally noticed what the voice was.
Someone was talking to him, a woman, but… he didn't recognize the voice. More importantly, it was too real, too loud to be considered his imagination.
His eyes snapped open as soon as he realized that someone he didn't know was in his room. He practically shot out of his bed; adrenaline rushing through his veins as he surveyed his room.
No one.
He looked under his bed.
No one.
In his closet.
No one.
"What the hell…?" He checked his phone, it was around five minutes before his alarm would've been set off. "I didn't set anything weird as my alarm… did I?" He fiddled with his phone for a bit. Nothing out of place. Still set to 6:30 a.m. and the alarm was still one of those American 80s songs he liked so much. "Ugh. Fucking sleep paralysis demons..." He whined.
He scratched his itchy head, making his bed-head much worse than before, then cracked his neck loud enough to make lesser men wince. The less said about the pops and cracks that were made when he stretched his stiff body, the better. Even so, it helped alleviate the chills that he'd felt from that unseen presence.
Yuuto blinked as he noticed something beside the pillow on his bed.
A card.
It was a rather shinny, new-looking card. Like something super rare you'd get out of a booster pack or something. It had the picture of a naked man and woman facing each other, and an angel in the background giving them its blessing.
It was a tarot card, The Lovers to be exact.
He'd never seen this card before.
Sure, he had a few sets of cards in various tins in his room, but those were for Magic: The Gathering and Yu-Gi-Oh.
He didn't have a tarot card set.
"What kind of Persona bullshit…?" Yuuto trailed off as he reached out for the card. For a moment, he half expected some sort of supernatural shock to sting his fingers, but he picked it up with no problem. "What… is this?"
A familiar voice rang out as soon as he asked the question. "This is a Devil king arcana. The arcana of Lovers."
He jumped. "What the shit-!"
Bang!
His knee hit the frame of his bed. "Ow, fucking knee!"
And finally, he hit the floor, clutching said knee. "Uuuuuuuuugh."
His phone fell to the floor, the screen propped up at just the right angle to show him the date.
Yuuto sighed. "Of course it's Tuesday. Not really Monday, but not the middle of the week either. Fuck Tuesday."
He rubbed his knee as he got up, the card still in his hand.
"Alright Yuuto, what now?" He gave the card an inquisitive look. "There's a talking card, obvious supernatural shit, and if Persona is now real I'm ending up as someone's bitch by the look of this card." He paused. "Still less toxic than my last relationship."
Yuuto yawned loudly now that the unwanted excitement had worn out.
He dragged himself out of his room, pocketing the card in his sweatpants, and made his way to the bathroom.
Turning on the sink, he cupped some cold water in his hands and splashed it onto his face.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
Yuuto was a handsome young man, with neck-length brown hair, and reddish-brown eyes. He was of average height for his age but still seemed to be growing.
Despite his relatively good looks, he just ended up another face in the crowd. The same could be said about his goals in life. Like most other fifteen-year-olds, he had no idea what he wanted to do with his future. Unlike most, he didn't really care about his future.
Though he was perfectly content where he was with his lot in life. He had supportive and nice parents, a nice house, he worked part-time, he was at least passing his classes and exams. But he never really applied himself; never found the motivation to excel at anything he didn't really care for.
He wasn't even planning on going to college either.
Finish high school, get a higher paying job, help out the family. That was the plan.
Some called it lazy, he called it practical. College was a waste of money after all.
After finishing up the rest of his morning rituals, Yuuto headed downstairs taking the card out of his pocket.
His mother was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, and his dad was sitting on the sofa watching the news on his tablet. Both of them were around their forties, but neither of them looked a day over twenty-four.
Their youth especially shined over the years, especially since they were still rather… active at night. Luckily Yuuto had earbuds to block out anything too traumatizing. The house wasn't exactly soundproof, though better than a more traditional Japanese home.
"Morning Dad," Yuuto greeted his father while he held up the card. "You wouldn't have happened to put this in my room, did you?"
Obviously, they didn't, but it also didn't hurt to ask.
"Hm, a card? I don't remember-"
His father suddenly stopped, struck speechless after seeing the card in his hand. The tablet slipped from his fingers and fell on his foot, but he didn't so much as twitch.
Yuuto blinked, concerned. "O-Oi, doesn't that hurt?"
"Mo-Mom! Look! Look at this!" His father shouted.
Yuuto's mother rushed into the living room in a panic due to his dad's sudden scream.
"Dear!? What's wrong!?" She exclaimed.
"Yu-Yuuto is… Yuuto is… chosen as a candidate to become the next demon king!" His dad announced.
Yuuto blinked. "The demon-what?"
Demon King was a term Yuuto was quite familiar with, due to being a connoisseur of shitty isekai light novels. But Demon Kings were the main villains of poorly written medieval power-fantasies… with just a much poorly written waifu-bait to match.
"YUU-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" His mother suddenly glomped him.
"Oi, oi! Calm down!"
He looked to his dad for help but saw him getting teary-eyed instead. "L-Listen to me Yuuto. C-c-c-c-calm down and p-p-p-pay attention."
"I'm the calmest person in this house right now, Dad." Yuuto deadpanned while rubbing his mother's back.
"What you have right there is a Devil King arcana." His father explained.
...Holy shit. They actually knew what this was!? Hell, what they were saying matched up with what the card was talking about!
"Do you know about tarot cards, Yuuto?"
Yuuto's mind flashed back to all the times he'd beaten the Persona series over the years.
"Yes." He answered, his voice carrying a steely resolve unbefitting of the situation at hand.
His father merely nodded. "Mm. Well, suffice it to say, for each card in the Major Arcana, there is one who is chosen by that card, to be a candidate for the next Demon King. This card is one of the major arcana… the arcana of Lovers. This is also my first time seeing it."
Yuuto glanced at the card again, THE LOVERS was written on it.
"Right...with ya so far. But you're making this sound like it's a good thing."
He cleared his throat. "Yes, well…your mother and I have a confession to make."
Yuuto paled. "Those are words a child never wants to hear from his parents."
"Oh no, it's nothing bad, Yuu-kun!" his mother assured him quickly, "But it might be a little unbelievable…you see, your father and I actually work for Demons."
He blinked. "Uh…okay, that might need some explaining."
"It's pretty simple," sighed his father, "To tell the truth, years ago, my company was going under, and I was in danger of being let go. A Demon saw my plight, offered me a job, and I've been working for them ever since. Honestly, it's pretty much the same as any other office job, you just get magical powers out of the deal."
Yuuto looked at his mother, who nodded in agreement. "So… you two don't still have chuunibyou syndrome?"
"Ack!" Both his parents let out a pained sound as if an arrow had shot through their hearts.
Yuuto nodded to himself. "Yes, that does explain a lot of things. Like how we don't have lighters in the house yet Dad can somehow still light his cigarettes just fine."
In response, his father snapped his fingers and a small flame arose from the palm of his hand.
Yuuto stared at the flame in awe. "Holy…"
His dad laughed. "Quite the opposite actually." He pointed to the ring on his finger. "This is the power of the ring that a devil gave to me. I got it as a reward for my ten years of continuous service. It lets us age slower as a side effect."
That… wasn't a wedding?
"Mom, you show him too."
"I guess… ah!"
His mother noticed that the frying pan in the kitchen was still being heated. She stretched her hand toward the gas stove. Then the adjustment dial of the stove rotated and the burner stopped.
Yuuto blinked.
His dad was a pyromancer… and his mom was a Sith Lord.
That was awesome as hell, but he needed some time to process this development.
"Sadly, that's about the extent of what we can do," she sighed, "Your father can only get about as hot as the stove."
This comment made the man sag in his seat gloomily.
"Honestly, we'd love to live as Demons instead of humans… the thought would cross our minds. But-"
"A human can't become a devil. It doesn't matter how hard a human works, at best they will be given the title of honorary devil. And even that is nearly impossible to reach unless you make a great contribution to the devil race."
Any words Yuuto had died in his mouth. This was a bit too much Satanism this early in the morning.
"The devil world has a strict class system. That's why we had given up on living anything other than such ordinary lives, and yet… to think that you can..." His father rubbed his tearful eyes. "A-Anyway! Now that it's come to this, we need to take care of the school transfer procedure right away."
Yuuto stared at his dad. "School transfer? Why?"
His mother started shaking Yuuto back and forth after he said that. "That's right! Aaah! Yuu-kun is going to become a student at Ginsei Academy! I'm so happy!"
"O-Oi, explain the reason for the transfer please!"
His mother wiped the tears of joy from her eyes. "It's a rule that a devil king candidate must enroll in Ginsei Academy."
Yuuto gave his parents a questioning look. "I'm guessing a lot of devils go there, or is a devil exclusive school? Something along those lines?"
His dad nodded. "Ginsei Academy, also known as devil king academy, is the academy where noble and high-class devils go to."
Yuuto gave a loud sigh.
Sure, he didn't mind transferring; he didn't really have many friends at his current school. And he could contact the ones he did have online, but this was still really sudden.
He went over everything he learned today.
His parents were actually working for devils, he himself is now a devil king candidate and was about to transfer to an academy devils went to. And at long last, he finally figured out what shitty light novel his life has: Highschool DxD.
A productive morning if he did say so himself.
Welp, he was now stuck in this situation. It didn't really sound like there was a way out, and if shit was even slightly like devil society in DxD… this was going to suck. Best to keep his head down… if he even could. If being a devil king candidate was such a big deal he might as well have a bright, neon sign target on his back at all times.
Yuuto sighed again. "So troublesome..."
[-]
Of course he couldn't be sent to the academy the very next day, there were procedures for this kind of thing after all. Ordering new uniforms, taking care of paperwork, etc. In no time at all, a week had passed.
Yuuto raised an eyebrow. "So… this is Ginsei Academy?"
He had read the pamphlet he'd received from the school. Although it was located at the outskirts of the city, it was surprising that no one realized the existence of an academy this big. Then again, anything can be waved away with 'Haha! Magic motherfuckers!' and everyone would move on as normal.
Ginsei Academy was absolutely massive. It included elementary, middle, and high school. The academy grounds were huge, filled with a mind-boggling amount of facilities.
The barrier, or bounded field as Yuuto liked to call it since he was a Type-Moon fan, made it so that anyone passing through the area didn't feel anything was out of place here. Even satellite imaging couldn't pick up this place.
Finally, he stood before the gate of the academy.
The gate itself was magnificent, ornate, and expertly crafted. The school itself was even more extravagant. The architecture reminded Yuuto of the gothic victorian era.
"Ginsei Academy..." He repeated the name. "'Made of Silver' Academy. Specifically referencing silverware. A school where everyone has a silver spoon in their mouth. A bit too on the nose for my tastes, but at least whoever named the place was self-aware."
Even though this was all forced onto him, he couldn't help but find it rather exciting, exhilarating even. But he had to keep his guard up, it was only a matter of time before this side of the world reared its ugly side.
He walked past the gate and headed toward the school building. Around half-way there he noticed some of the odd looks the other students gave him.
They've probably already figured out I'm human… or can sense the arcana from me… or some other magic bullshit. He thought as he walked, keeping a perfect poker face. That or they can tell that I'm some 'commoner' filth worth less than the handkerchiefs they have in their pockets at a glance.
Most of the students here came from aristocratic backgrounds or wealthy families. He couldn't be more out of place here if he tried. Not that he really cared. He had the card, therefore he had the right to be there, and nothing these high and mighty demons said would change that.
Though there was a point of confusion… Was it demon or devil? Or were the two interchangeable? He really needed to find that out before he unintentionally pissed someone off.
Suddenly, a black limousine drove past him and several other students and parked in front of the entrance of the school building. A student waiting there at the entrance opened the door, and a handsome, gray-haired teen stepped out.
He… had a different air about him. The atmosphere was different from everyone else he'd seen so far. He had… and aura, a pressure around him that made everyone else seem inferior. One that gave Yuuto pause, in spite of his recent nerves.
His gaze was seemingly gloomy and heavy as though sleep-deprived. Yet there was the unmistakable glint in his eyes that made it clear that he looked down on the whole world.
Everyone here besides Yuuto wasn't human… but this guy wore it on his sleeve like a badge of honor. He was dangerous.
His head turned, and his eyes met Yuuto's.
Yuuto kept his poker face up, not betraying the slightest hint of emotion.
The gray-haired teen only frowned slightly before turning away, dismissing him utterly, and entering the school building.
He's one of the other candidates, no doubt about it.
"Hey! Shithead!"
Well, at least people talk to each other like normal.
"I'm talkin' to you!"
Man, sounds like that sucker is in trouble.
"You, the boring-faced human!"
Well, at least they ripped the bandage on my expectations quickly. Yuuto turned to see who had spoken and came face to face with a scowling boy.
He was a student with gaudily dyed blond hair, giving off an impression that was completely different from the rich young masters that Yuuto expected, more like your stereotypical delinquent. This was the guy who'd opened the car door to the guy that gave off the same aura as the walking equivalent to a magic great white shark on legs.
"What the hell were you doing staring at Aspite-sama like that? Eh!?" The blonde punk yelled at Yuuto.
Aspite? Yuuto raised an eyebrow. "The guy that just got out of the limo?"
"Obviously, you idiot! Are you playing stupid… then again, I never saw your mug around here."
This guy's already a pain in the ass. Yuuto sighed. "Yeah, whatever, sorry. I only transferred here today. I'll be on my way-"
The punk's expression changed to one of fury. "Don't tell me…!? You're the transfer student with the Lovers arcana, you bastard!?"
The punk's angry face gave way to a wicked grin.
"Now this is lucky… I heard that a new devil king candidate was coming, but it's actually this weak looking guy. I can't even feel any mana from you… don't tell me. You aren't even a noble but a commoner, you bastard?"
Yuuto just stared at him for a bit.
This was… jarring.
Sure, the crap this guy was spewing was insulting, but it left him less angry and more annoyed and confused. He sounded less like a person and more like a bully from one of those magic school novels.
A throwaway character. That was fine and all, but Yuuto was expecting… snooty rich brats. Not whatever the hell this was.
As the old meme goes: 'I expected nothing, and I'm still let down.'
"I'm human," Yuuto said plainly, just wanting to get on with his day.
The punk's face twisted in an unsightly manner as he burst out laughing. "Wahahahahahahahaha! That's real funny! So not only are you not a commoner, you aren't even a demon!? You're just trash then!"
Ah, wonderful! Racism, and elitism. Yuuto sarcastically thought. This day just keeps getting better. Just lay low.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Can I go now? I got better shit to do, and you probably do too." Yuuto said, his voice harsher than he intended. "So, with all due respect, I'm out. Peace."
The punk looked like he'd been slapped. Yuuto turned around and began walking away.
"Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going!?" He shouted. "Maybe I went too far saying you were trash, yeah. You're a pig!"
Yuuto stopped. He felt his eye twitch. He took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out.
Keep your head down, lay low.
He looked over his shoulder at the punk. "Pig?"
The grin the punk gave was disgustingly arrogant. "For us, the likes of humans are just livestock like pigs. What the hell are you doing you pig, wearing this devil king academy's uniform, huh!? Know your fucking place! Apologize for talking back to me, Geld-sama! Strip off that uniform, bow, and get out!"
Yuuto froze. He knew he could do many things in this one moment. Many stupid ideas came into his mind of what to do.
Fuck it.
...So he did the worst fucking thing he could.
Yuuto flipped him the bird and continued walking away.
After his encounter with that Aspite fellow, Yuuto noticed he could sense something within the people around him. Most likely their strength or mana. This Geld asshole was only moderate compared to everyone else around them. Even so, he was nowhere near as strong as what he felt from Aspite.
Yuuto felt something whirling inside Geld's body.
Definitely mana then…
His body tensed as he felt Geld's mana whirl more violently. Geld was going to do something retarded, and knew that he needed to be ready to jump out of the way at a moment's notice.
The students around them began to murmur to each other.
"Oi, that human… he is disobeying Geld who is from a viscount house."
Don't know nor care what that means...
"He really doesn't cherish his own life. Geld was the one who caused that bloodbath with his classmates before wasn't he?"
Define bloodbath for me, that actually sounds a bit worrying.
"What's more, he is chosen to be one of Aspite-sama's cards right? That transfer student is just a human no matter how I see it… he's going to die."
Really should've just kept my head down…
"Disrespectful bastard…! I'll kill you right now myself!" Geld shouted.
A fireball flew past Yuuto's head, making his eyes widen.
The students in the way of the fireball screamed as they ducked out of way.
"That got your attention now, didn't it pig!?" The blonde asshole mocked. "Are you afraid now? This is your first real taste of magic, isn't it? If I kill you, you bastard, then perhaps Aspite-sama will promote me to be his court card, yeah! So stay still, pig, and be grateful that you get to die at the hands of Geld-sama!"
You know what? Fuck laying low. This fucker gets a knuckle-sandwich!
Yuuto put his school bag down and turned around to face Geld.
The blonde punk was readying another fireball, letting it roil around in front of his outstretched palm.
From what I saw before, those fireballs don't move all that fast. About as fast as… throwing a softball at someone, but nowhere close to the speed of a bullet. Well within human ability to dodge unless he's holding back or something. The main problem would be how he aims and how frequently he can fire them.
"Alright, you wanna go?" Yuuto gave him an irritated look. "Let's fucking go..."
Let's see who the Darwin Award goes to…
"Oh? The pig thinks he can-"
"You going to talk me to death or are we going to fight? Hit me with your best shot jackass. You and your stupid hairdo."
Geld pointed his hand at Yuuto. "Die you bastard!"
Good, an obvious tell. Let's see how frequently he can keep it up.
A fireball shot out of Geld's palm; if Yuuto didn't know it was already coming, it would've been too fast for him to dodge. Fortunately, he did, and was able to easily sidestep the attack.
Yuuto dusted off his shoulder in a mocking fashion. "Didn't even graze me. You sure you're worth my time."
Geld snarled in anger. "You… you…!"
"Come on, buddy. Use your words, you can do it."
"Shut up and die!" Geld began to blindly lob fireball after fireball at Yuuto.
Missed. Missed. Felt the heat on that one. Missed. Missed. And Missed. Alright, five seconds between shots. More than enough to close the distance and deck him in his smug prick face. Helps that he can't aim for shit.
Yuuto predicted the path of another fireball due to Geld's obvious tells, sidestepped it, and then sprinted at the devil, closing the distance before he could charge up another spell. Yuuto raised his fist.
Geld gasped and brought up his arms to defend himself.
...Yuuto's foot hit him between the legs with a running start.
The sound of the kick wasn't even that loud, but in that one moment, it was almost deafening
Almost immediately, a high pitched wail unbefitting of a man rang throughout the school entrance. Every male within earshot grabbed their groins in phantom pain, everyone winced.
Geld fell to his knees, grabbing his balls in agony.
"You... dirty... piece of shit..." He said in a high-pitched voice and pained voice.
Yuuto grinned mercilessly. "Hi Pot, I'm Kettle, you're black." Then grabbed him by the sides of his head...
"What are you-Gah!"
And kneed him as hard as he could right in the nose.
A loud crunch echoed throughout the silent entrance. The force of his knee hitting Geld's nose made the punk's head fly right out of his grasp. The devil collapsed onto the floor, his nose bent at an odd angle and bleeding profusely.
Well, when in Roam...
Yuuto leaned down slightly, looking at Gled with contempt. "That it, devil boy?" He received no response. Geld was knocked out cold. Yuuto felt all the tension and adrenaline drain out of his body, leaving only disappointment. "Wow… you really went out like a bitch."
The human sighed as he dusted himself off and picked up his bag, before heading towards the school building. The whispers around him intensified at what he'd just done, but he paid them no mind.
So, should I hold my judgment or not. Cause devil society ended up damn near exactly as I pictured it. I got to be smart about this, but most importantly, I got to be ruthless about this. Yuuto concluded. That fight may have been a bit spicier than the schoolyard brawls I'm used to, but fuck-face was a grunt. He sighed. Seriously, I should've expected this to happen. The more people hype someone up, the more likely they'll go down like a bitch. Fuck… I'm way too genre-savvy for this place. Although, that Aspite guy…he was the real deal, no doubt about it.
Then he frowned. Actually, now that I think about it, how the fuck am I supposed to compete with that? I sensed the magic, sure, but I've got no fucking idea how to use it myself…
Behind the gate, watching him as he ambled past, an elegant, black-haired, voluptuous girl frowned minutely. "I was all ready to step in and pledge myself to him in the heat of battle," she murmured to herself, "But…I guess this is a good first impression? I suppose? He's not just taking things lying down, at least…I-I'll just have to approach him after class, then!"
[-]
In Class 1-D, Yuugaoze Miyabi sat at her desk bored out of her mind.
She was a blonde-haired, curvy girl that had her hair styled into twin-tails. Her state of dress would make heads roll and probably get her expelled in any normal human school, with her sleeves rolled up and most of the buttons on her blazer and dress shirt unbuttoned, exposing most of her black bra. She wore quite a few showy accessories and had make-up applied. The pupils of her jet-blue eyes were shaped like hearts.
Ah, what a drag, zuuuuuu, she thought, adding sound effects to her own inner monologue, The creeps in this school are really comin' outta the woodwork lately, skitter-skitter. All the King candidates are either totally boring, zzzzz, or crazy assholes, gyaaa! Haaah, when's that Lovers guy gonna show up alreadyyyy? Lizel-senpai told me that he'd be alright…actually, I don't even care if he's human as long as he's cute!
"Okay everyone, back to your seats." Their teacher said in an authoritative tone.
Miyabi never bothered to remember her teacher's full name, and just left it at Nagasawa-sensei.
She was a beautiful busty woman (like most female demons tended to be) with her black, silky hair tied up. She wore glasses and a tight suit which gave her a sexy businesswoman look.
The room turned silent as she took her place behind the podium, but just before she could say another word, the door opened, and in walked another person.
Hmm? Miyabi sat up, her breasts jostling, Someone new? I don't recognize him at all. I don't feel any kinda aura from him. Is he just weak, or… Her eyes widened. Eh, wait, biku is he a human?! Then, then, ain't that the Lovers Arcana guy?! Like Lizel-senpai said?!
Nagasawa-sensei turned to the newcomer. "And who are you?"
He had a bored and rather irritated look to him. "Morioka Yuuto, I'm the transfer student."
She scowled. "Ah, yes… I was informed we were having a transfer student."
Almost immediately, the look on the human's face worsened.
Nagasawa-sensei turned back to the class and began their lessons, ignoring the human.
His frown deepened. "Oi, sensei."
She turned to him once again. "Our Ginsei Academy has a proud tradition and standing… generations of devil kings have appeared from our academy that it's called the devil king academy. To think that we have to accept a mere human who isn't even a low-rank devil…"
The students began murmuring.
"No way…so that rumor is really true?"
"Yeah, everyone's talking about it now."
"Eh, why?"
"Is he really a devil king candidate right?"
"That's obviously some kind of mistake."
"It happened outside, he beat Geld with his bare hands!"
"You're kidding me! That's obviously a lie!"
Rolling his eyes, the boy pulled an object from the front of his shirt that had been hanging from his neck. "If you've got a problem, you can take it up with this thing."
Miyabi felt a jolt in her body, making her spine straighten up a little more as she laid eyes on what was unmistakably a Devil King candidate card. The heart-shaped pupils in her eyes nearly glowed as she grinned to herself. Not bad-looking, fairly cool attitude (so far), and beating up that lackey of Aspite's (with a BANG!)? Her prospects were already looking up (YAY!)!
The human gave Nagasawa-sensei one of the most unamused looks in history. "My seat, sensei?"
"Tsk," she gave him a look of absolute contempt, "Just standing is plenty for a human. You don't deserve to sit with the rest of my students, you impudent brat."
The human- Oh yeah, his name's Yuuto -took a deep, very audible breath, and let it out with an unmistakably frustrated growl. He held his hands behind his back, the whole classroom could hear the knuckles in his fists pop, before on the fakest smile she'd ever seen.
"Of course... sensei." He spat the words out as if they were poison on his tongue. He then stood himself directly in front of the blackboard, in everyone's view, and leaned casually on it.
"Pfft!" snickered the blonde.
"Fine!" Nagasawa-sensei snapped. "If you want your seat bad enough to be a disruption in my class then I'll give you a chance! Move away from the blackboard."
Yuuto did as told and stepped away from the board.
"Oh?" He made a rather endearing reaction as he saw the chalk move by itself to an incredibly complex magic formula on the blackboard.
"Solve this formula. If you can do at least that, I will allow you to take a seat among my students. Be grateful for the opportunity."
Miyabi squinted at the board. Despite her usually lackadaisical approach to studying, the gyaru thought that she recognized the formula. It was something that she'd heard about before, something famous in the Demon community…
Yuuto looked taken aback by the sight of the formula.
"Look, he's confused."
"Fufufu, the teacher is also nasty."
"To begin with, there is no way a human can understand magic formula even if it's the easy ones."
Yuuto rubbed his chin for a few seconds looking at the equation confused before suddenly picking up the chalk; a look of clarity in his eyes.
"Woman, what the hell are you teaching here…?" He muttered loud enough to make everyone freeze.
Miyabi blinked. Does...does he know what that is?
Nagasawa-sensei gave him a look that was absolutely murderous. "What was that...?"
Yuuto ignored her and started adding to the formula like a man possessed.
"Lacking… several formulas." He crossed out a small section. "This part is inefficient, would cause everything to backfire..." He circled another. "That needs to be reworked..." He then started drawing arrow lines between certain parts of the formula. "Oh! If you..." He snapped his fingers a dozen times as he… processed information. "Wind element! Add wind to the second section, then apply Nest to the eighth section… looping it around with the tenth section before sending it to pass through Ketel and Kesedo-"
"W-Wait! You understand what this formula is!?" Nagasawa-sensei seemed to panic, almost distraught while Yuuto looked like a kid in a candy store.
"Yes..." His cheerful mood died, and he frowned as he gave Nagasawa-sensei a questioning and concerned look. "Do you usually teach your students spells to destroy the world?"
"Wha…?"
Those words ran a stir through the classroom.
Ah! That's what it was! realized Miyabi. The spell World Fall was famous enough in the Demon World that even she had heard of it, being a spell created by the first Demon King. However, after his abdication, all his notes and research in creating the spell had been destroyed, leaving only that incomplete formula.
"It's… incomplete, and even if it was it would need an absolutely absurd amount of mana to power it, so it's not practical in the slightest. Seems more like an intellectual experiment than anything, kind of like the Poincaré Conjecture. Even then… some idiot might actually be crazy enough to use it… you sure this is safe to show people?"
"St-st-stop talking!" Nagasawa-sensei yelled with a bright red face. "This is an unresolved magic formula you know!?"
"Eh?"
"Many genius magic scholars have researched it for many years, but there's still no one who has solved it! If someone is able to solve this formula, then they will receive an award- no, a medal for the field of devil world technology. If you're only speaking randomly…"
He shrugged. "Sounds like an iss-you, not an iss-me."
Even as she choked with anger at his lackadaisical response, her complexion quickly turned pale as she stared at the magic formula. "No… that's, but certainly, if wind element was added to the second section…no, something like this is just…" She gasped as she returned to her senses and grabbed the blackboard eraser with her own hand and erased the magic formula in an almost comedic fashion. "E-Everyone! Forget everything you've seen and heard just now! Forget them all!"
Yuuto began laughing. "Heheheheh, that's alright sensei. There's still twenty-two more parts that need correction. It's virtually impossible to solve this formula with only what I mentioned just now. It's better if you don't show doomsday spells next time you teach a class, 'kay?"
She made a strangled noise as she stared at him with a fearful gaze.
Yuuto gave her a rather smug look. "So… about my seat-"
"Everyone, don't be tricked!" A male student stood up angrily. "This guy is just a human! There's no way he can understand a magic formula! He's only speaking bullshit after seeing that the question he is given is about an incomplete magic formula!"
Yuuto let out the same frustrated sigh he did with the teacher, then turned to face the student with a smile that barely held back his thinly veiled malice. "Oh look! A volunteer!"
Everyone except the male student paled at those words.
"I'll bet the name of the baron house of Sanjou to expose your true colors! Show me magic if you're really a devil king candidate!"
Yuuto gave an annoyed look to the rest of the class as if saying "Can you believe this idiot?"
"Fine, you first." The human conceded to the student's demand while rummaging through his bag.
Sanjou spread out his hands before thrusting them forward slowly like a cheesy cartoon hero.
"I'll show you how it's done! Figa!" Flame burst out in the spot between Yuuto and Sanjou.
"Ooo!" Most of the class was in awe at the display. However, the flame already dispersed before it could even touch the human.
"Wow, that was pathetic." Yuuto dismissed the display of fire magic and took out an apple from his bag. "Let me show you how it's done."
"Tsk. And what pray tell can you do? With an apple of all things no less!"
Yuuto smirked. "Pay close attention… and don't blink."
He tossed the apple high into the air suddenly! Everyone's eyes were drawn to it. What would happen? What spectacle would this human-
Wham!
Everyone turned to the source of the sound.
Sanjou was knocked out on the floor, the imprint of a fist on the side of his face.
"Oh my!" Yuuto caught the apple and took a bite out of it. "Such a wonderful, magnificent display of gravity in motion utterly floored poor Sanjou. Truly, even Isaac Newton himself would be moved to tears by such dedication to the sciences like this. One could almost call it magical!"
Everyone noticed that he'd skinned the knuckles on his hand a bit.
Miyabi had to cover her mouth to muffle her giggling, her shoulders shaking with mirth.
He turned to Nagasawa-sensei, smiling with thinly veiled malice again. "So, my seat?"
"Sit next to Yuugaoze-san, please." She said in a robotic voice.
"I don't know who that is."
"Yahoo!" called out Miyabi, glad to finally have a reason to speak up, "That's me, Yuuto-kun! Sit next to me, *don!*" She indicated the desk next to her.
Yuuto blinked slowly. ...So even Demons have Gyarus. Of all the things to be a universal constant, I didn't expect that.
"You're quite the energetic one, aren't you?" He said as he sat down.
"That's right, *ding ding*! And you're pretty strong, layin' out another guy with just a punch, ya know~"
"Eh nothing really special; I was a bit of a troublemaker back in middle school, kept getting into fights. But as long as you know how to throw a punch worth a damn you can knock out any idiot that takes their eyes off of you."
"Yep yep!" she chirped, pigtails bobbing as she nodded, "I know a thing or two about throwin' punches, bam bam! But ya know, you really do need magic to keep up around here, so will you be okay, Yuuto-kun?"
"If that Aspite guy is anything to go by, my pummeled corpse will be strung up on school gates by the end of the week… and that's me being generous."
"Un, probably," she agreed seriously.
"So, why do you care?"
Miyabi smiled. "Well, ya know, Demon King Candidates get to make other Demons their underlings. So like, I wanna get in on that action, since you're a fun guy and all."
Yuuto blinked, giving Miyabi a rather suspicious look before it disappeared almost instantly. "Yeah… I… uh, I know next to nothing about all this Demon King stuff. I'd ask you to take it from the top, but I think I already caused a big enough class disruption."
The Gyaru frowned. "Eh? Didn't Lizel-senpai tell you about it?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Who now?"
"Ah…so you didn't meet her yet. Well, she'll probably come find you soon enough and explain stuff." Then she shrugged. "And don't worry about class. Sensei's already decided to ignore you."
Indeed, Nagasawa-sensei was keeping her attention firmly on the board, her lecture occasionally descending into mumbling as she kept her back stiff.
"Tsk." He scowled then sighed after a bit, pulling a notebook out of his bag. "Might as well make my own notes..."
She noticed that he wasn't making notes on the lesson but writing down magic formulas. Incredibly advanced ones too… something no human should be able to comprehend.
Huh…wonder where he learned that, if he hasn't run into Lizel-senpai yet, she thought, before laying her head down on her desk. Eh, whatever. I'll just take advantage of everyone ignoring him and take a nap, zzzzz…
[-]
Yuuto yawned as the bell rang for lunch. Just as he was about to reach for the bento box his mom made for him in his bag, Miyabi stood up.
"Hey, Yuuto-kun, come with me," she told him out of the blue.
"Eh?" He gave her a questioning look. "Why?"
Sure, Miyabi, at the very least, didn't give him shit for being human. But Yuuto wasn't dumb enough to trust someone right off the bat just cause they earned some brownie points. Her asking this alone made her… super suspicious.
"There's a place that Lizel-senpai set aside for us to talk. So it's best if we get there quickly like zoom zoom!"
Wonderful more suspicious people that probably want to hang me by my entrails. He thought bitterly and morbidly.
Though some basic logic, he figured he didn't really have a choice in the matter here. Not everyone was going to be a gullible fuck like the last two were; and considering that they used magic to destroy the world as an intellectual experiment, it would be best to assume the worst.
Plus this Miyabi chick seemed like she could actually use more than two brain cells properly, and he didn't like his odds against someone with something resembling actual intelligence.
At the very least, he figured out what The Lovers could actually do thanks to that bitch of a teacher.
Seriously, pretty face, sure, but her personality is rotten. Yuuto sighed. "Alright, let's go."
[-]
Himegami Lizel paced back and forth in the large, well-furnished room that she had requested for the Lovers Candidate and his Cards, trying not to look unduly distressed. After all, given how easily Morioka Yuuto had handled Geld, it was unlikely that anyone else would give him too much grief before she could meet with him. Right? Right. The other Candidates probably wouldn't even see him as a rival (yet), so they probably wouldn't even bother going out of their way to take him out. Even if he didn't know how to do magic yet.
Oh god, nothing has gone to plan at all! she wailed internally, running her hands through her smooth black hair, gritting her teeth, Think, Lizel, how can you salvage this? I can't just walk into his class and pull him out for pointers, that'd just show everyone how worried I am. I need to be subtle about it. I need them to not notice the trick until I've already done it! I need-
"So yeah, here's the place," Miyabi told Yuuto, casually sliding the door open and walking in with him. "Ah, there she is. Hey, Lizel-senpai!"
Lizel stopped, staring at the two of them.
Yuuto waved his hand, giving her a wary look. "Hi."
"Ah-" She blinked owlishly, caught completely flatfooted. "Y-you're here already. That's- that's good." Then she cleared her throat. "It's nice to meet you, Morioka Yuuto. My name is Himegami Lizel."
He still looked rather apprehensive. "Nice to meet you too. Uh, sorry if asking this is rude or not, but why are we in what looks like a billionaire's hotel room? Didn't know this place had dorms."
"It does, but this isn't strictly speaking a dorm. Pardon my presumption, but I requested that this room be set aside for your use. As a Demon King Candidate, it would be best if you had a private place to converse with your Cards."
Raising his eyebrow, Yuuto drew out The Lovers and looked at it. "Yeah… I, uh, I think I figured out what this thing does by the way."
"O-Oh, you have? Already? That's good, then!" She cleared her throat. "So then, what do you know?"
"Well… I don't really have an understanding of the limits and specifics of what it does, but do get the gist of things. Basically, it's almost like a magic search engine. Being able to find any magic formula and reconstruct it to be the most potent and efficient version of itself. It goes even further than just a search engine too..." He took out a notebook from his bag, opening it to show pages upon pages of advanced magic formulas she only had the barest understanding of. "It can complete unfinished magic formulas as long as the purpose and meaning are attached to it, and it can even create whole new spells if asked no matter how absurd I make them. Hell, my teacher made me solve the magic formula version of the Poincaré Conjecture… except, you know… this one blows up the world on a conceptual level."
"The Poincaré-" Lizel reeled back mentally as she flipped through the pages of the notebook, "That- I knew that the Lovers Arcana could teach its chosen magic when asked, but even to the point of such a complex spell?!" She laughed helplessly. "What on earth are the other candidates thinking, calling you weak?"
"Well, they do kind of have a point, don't they? All this knowledge is useless unless I can actually… you know? Use magic."
"Have you not asked your Arcana to teach you how to do that?" asked Lizel, "If it can't, then I would be willing to."
"Well, I do have a few ideas for workarounds, but it still requires mana- wait what?"
She cocked her head as he stared dumbfounded at her. "If there is any aspect of magic that eludes you, then I can certainly tutor you on it."
Yuuto stared at her for a long moment. "...Why? I haven't exactly gotten the impression that humans are tolerated around here."
"That is true," agreed Lizel.
"Yep yep! Everyone looks down on 'em!" concurred Miyabi.
"But my family has supported the Lovers candidate for generations, and I have no intention of breaking that tradition, human or not. No, rather, it is because you are a human that I intend to make you king."
Yuuto was taken aback by her declaration a bit. "Yeah, that just raises more questions. Why do you want a human Devil King?"
Lizel directed her gaze at the tarot card in his hand. "Unlike the other Arcana, the Lovers possesses a power that only a human can bring out. Demons might be inherently stronger, but they lack something that comes more easily to someone like you."
Yuuto sighed. "Alright, but that loops back to the initial problem. I'm human, as such… can't produce mana." He raised up his arcana. "This may be one of the most disgustingly overpowered things I've encountered, even in all of the fictional crap I've read over the years, and I adore it, but in my hands it's useless."
"Hm…in that case, perhaps we should prompt your body into producing mana." Lizel began to unbutton her uniform. "It is well-documented that one of the unique magic of The Lovers allows the holder to recharge their magic through intimacy."
"Uh…" Yuuto's face started turning red.
Miyabi snickered. "Sounds like a dream come true, eh?"
"Well, we don't need to go too far. But if I'm going to be assisting you, Yuuto-san, then I don't particularly mind if you see me." She crossed her arms, pressing her sizable breasts together with a small smile, "That being said, would you mind undressing as well? It's not very intimate to embrace with clothes in the way."
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Isn't this kind of… fast or something!? Just what kind of development- Oh yeah DxD crossed over with Persona… Yuuto's mind ran a mile a minute as his hormones raged out of control. S-Should I be the gentlemen, or should I just go for it? On one hand, I might endear myself to the two super hot girls that make pinup models green with envy… on the other hand, I might make myself look like an absolute beta if I don't strike while the iron's hot.
The sensible and horny sides of Yuuto's brain clashed with each other until he came to a sudden realization.
Holy shit, the passive effect of my arcana turns me into a hentai protagonist! Fuck all sense of subtlety, I am not ending up as the idiot harem protag without a spine who doesn't notice the girls throwing themselves at him.
Yuuto took a deep breath and chose his words carefully. "Legally: This is questionable. Morally: It's pretty degrading for everyone involved. Personally: I'M ALL FOR IT!"
"Hah! That's the spirit!" cheered Miyabi, "I'll just watch for now, though. Maybe if I like what I see, I'll join in some other time!"
Lizel gave her a dirty look while Yuuto was preoccupied with unbuttoning his own shirt.
Both girls' attention was brought back to Yuuto once his upper body was bare. While he certainly wasn't the most diligent when it came to physical fitness, the young man certainly didn't qualify as out of shape.
Miyabi poked him in the stomach, giggling. "A bit soft, eh?"
Yuuto poked her back, his finger sunk into her boob slightly. "A bit soft, eh?"
She squeaked, eyes widening in surprise, before she blushed bright red, crossing her arms over her expansive chest. "Wha- hey! J-jeez, I didn't think you'd actually poke *byon byon* back at me! I thought humans had more shame than that!"
He smirked amused. "That's mostly a Japanese thing. Me and the family have been over to Italy a few times. People can't keep their hands off each other there. I might've picked up a few bad habits." Yuuto turned to Lizel. "So what? We're basically going to cuddle while you explain just how all this Devil King stuff works?"
Lizel gave a small smile. "Yes, I'd say that covers it."
"Bitchin'."
[-]
Yuuto groaned as he opened the door to his house, the mental exhaustion of the day hitting him all at once.
"I'm home!" He announced, taking off his shoes.
His mother rushed him, glomping him once again like she had this morning. "Yuu-kun! How was your day?"
"Debatable..." Was his rather lame response.
His father rushed out from behind the corner, all but slamming his hands on his son's shoulders. "You didn't cause any trouble, did you!?"
Yuuto paused. "Debatable..."
"Context." Demanded the two childish people he called his parents.
"Okay, so turns out this whole devil kind thing is a deathmatch, the last one standing takes the crown." The holder of The Lovers explained bluntly.
"A deathmatch!?" Both of them yelled horrified.
"Yep, someone tried to murder me before I even entered the school just the raise his standing with one of the candidates." Yuuto casually said as if talking about the weather. "He threw fireballs at me, so I kicked him in the dick and broke his nose!"
"You what!?"
"Then went to class, the teacher gave me shit like everyone else since they see humanity as trash. Figured out what my arcana does, learned my very first spell, which lets me destroy the world on a conceptual level, knocked another guy out, then met this really sexy gyaru."
"Devil have those too?"
"Your first spell does what!?"
His mom and dad took away different things from what he said.
Yuuto nodded. "That was my reaction too. Turns out my arcana is like a super-powered search engine. It can find any formula I want, complete any formula I see, and make any formula I want."
His dad gave him an odd look. "Wait… that sounds more like the Magician arcana."
"And you know what that means..."
"What?"
"None of these powers are going to make any goddamn sense despite the card they're based on!" Yuuto exclaimed irritably.
Yuuto was a proud otaku boy, raised by proud otaku parents; and as such he sunk hundreds of hour into the Persona games, so he knew his shit about tarot cards and this massive disrespect towards them, even though it made him overpowered as all fuck, offended him and his parents on deep, spiritual level.
His dad groaned. "That's… so dumb."
His mother followed suit. "Yuu-kun has now become a typical light novel protagonist that gets things handed to him as the plot demands it."
Yuuto rolled his eyes. "The only thing The Lovers have relating to its namesake is the ability called Healing Lovers."
His parents perked up. "And that does…?"
"Think of a softcore version of the Fate/Stay Night mana transfer."
Both of his parents gave a loud groan, like whiny kids that got socks for Christmas.
His mother hung her head. "So, not only is my Yuu-kun a bog-standard light novel protagonist, he's also an eroge protagonist. Where did I go wrong…?"
"O-Oi..."
"I mean, it makes sense considering the arcana in question. But that's so… lame. You'd think it'd be more like a support type power like it's a sort of feedback loop that boosts mana and the potency of spells depending on how many bonds you have and how deep those bonds are." His dad proceeded to go on a tangent. "Like social links… expect far more ecchi given the current context."
Yuuto blinked. "I mean… that's basically weaponizing the power of love, but it makes sense." He picked up the card hanging around his neck and looked right at it. "Why can't you make sense?"
"O-Oi..." The voice of the arcana pleaded meekly in his head. "Meanie King."
The human devil king candidate raised an eyebrow at the childish response.
"Wait, Yuu-kun, how did you find out about Healing Lovers?" His mother gave him a questioning look, as did his dad.
"Okay, do you guys know about the Himegami family?" He asked.
His dad paled. "Himegami…the heiress for that family is known for her power. I wouldn't be surprised if all the other King candidates wanted to scout her, or if she was one herself!"
"Well, I dunno about the first part, but as it turns out, the family has a tradition of aiding The Lovers candidate. She wants to continue said tradition, despite the fact that I'm human. Hell, she said that it was because I'm human that she wants to support me."
"Eh?" Both his parents looked confused.
"Apparently the full potential of The Lover can only be unlocked by a human."
"...What!?"
"Yeah, doesn't make any sense right! I even asked her, but all I got was some vague 'humans have something demons don't' excuse. Still, it's pretty stupid that they legit made a card that's a handicap for… all devils." Yuuto shrugged.
His dad nodded sagely. "Ah yes, good old 'devils never cry'. You really hit the jackpot, my boy!"
"Cuh-Ray-Zee!" His mother exclaimed in broken and butchered English.
"Also, there is the fact that after the explanation of Healing Lover, Lizel-san gave me a… hands-on demonstration."
Both parents shot up. "What?"
"To put it short, once lunch started, we skipped the rest of school to cuddle -naked mind you- in the most lavish bedroom I've ever seen."
Both of them paused.
"Pics or it didn't happen!" His dad yelled.
With a smug look, Yuuto fished out his phone and brought up a selfie of him and Lizel. There they saw Yuuto giving a smug smirk as Lizel lay on top of him, her ample bosom squishing against his chest, blowing a kiss and winking towards the camera.
"Oh my god, she's gorgeous!" His mother exclaimed.
"Yuuto-kun, you lucky dog!" His father cheered. "My boy's become a man!"
His mother gasped. "We're going to have grandkids! Yes!"
His dad followed suit. "You're right!"
Yuuto tuned out his mom and dad's fawning of potential grandkids as he stared at his arcana.
So many things happened today, most of which would've gotten him expelled or suspended in any other school. At Ginsei Academy, no one bated an eye if you tried to merc someone on school grounds. His Persona card powers made no sense, he had some of the sexiest girls he'd ever seen in his life backing him up, and he was fairly sure he'd got the attention of a few of the candidates with the stunts he pulled this morning.
At that particular moment, Yuuto had an epiphany…
He wasn't just the protagonist of a light novel, he was the protagonist of a shitty light novel.
Though he didn't have any real problems with that so far, it wasn't going to stop him from nitpicking everything to hell back, and considering the context of the supernatural world, he just might.
"Why can't you make sense?"
"Meanie King..."
Chapter End