Kohaku sat up all night watching Hotaru sleep. At first, he had been terrified that any moment would be her last. She was so pale, her lips were gray. Her breathing was shallow. Blood soaked through her bandages. Her skin was cold to the touch. It didn't seem possible for her to recover. He could hardly bear looking at her, but he couldn't look away.

As the night wore on, color slowly started to return to her cheeks. Her breathing steadily grew stronger as time passed.

A few hours past midnight, Hotaru's face twitched, and finally, her eyes opened.

"Hotaru?" Kohaku's voice was hoarse. He could hardly believe it.

Hotaru turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were glassy with pain, but she smiled when she saw him.

"Hey." She whispered. Her voice was weak, as if speaking was a strain. "You're okay. Thank goodness."

Kohaku's eyes filled with tears. She was alive. She tried to push herself up. Kohaku's relief turned to panic.

"Don't try to move. You're hurt."

"I've noticed." Hotaru told him, she winced as she pushed herself upright. Her hand went over the injury. "I've had worse, believe me."

"Why didn't you run?" Kohaku demanded. He should have just been relieved she was okay, but anger, fear, shame, frustration, and a whole slew of emotions he couldn't identify overflowed within him.

"If I would have ran, Naraku would have killed you."

"You should have let him! It would have been better than…" Kohaku squeezed his eyes shut. The vision of his weapon striking her replayed in his head. He almost couldn't speak out of guilt. "I thought you were dead." he finally managed to choke out.

"I told you, you're not strong enough to kill me."

"You say that, but if Sango wouldn't have shown up when she did, you would have bled to death." His fists clenched, he was shaking. "Because I wasn't strong enough."

"You only just broke free of Naraku's grasp a few months ago. The fact you were able to resist him for as long as you did is amazing."

She tried to meet his eyes. He couldn't meet hers. He stood and turned his back on her. Now that he knew she was going to live, his desire to run away returned. He didn't know how he could face her everyday knowing what he had done, what he could do again.

"It's okay." Hotaru told him, "I understand. I, of all people, understand. It wasn't your choice, but it was still your hands. If Naraku would have been the one to hurt me, the results would have been exactly the same, but you wouldn't feel the guilt of it. I know nothing I say will stop you from blaming yourself. I just want you to know that I don't blame you."

"You should blame me. You should hate me."

"Why?" She challenged, "Because it would be easier for you if I did?"

Damn her. Damn her and her ability to know exactly what he was feeling.

"Kohaku, we were both fighting for our lives. Naroku could have killed you just as easily as he made you attack me."

"I wish he would have." Kohaku replied.

"No, you don't. You can't lie to me. I know you too well. It's okay to admit you're afraid of dying."

Kohaku didn't turn to look at her, "How can someone who's already dead be afraid of death?"

"Because you're not dead." Hotaru walked over to him and touched his shoulder, he pulled away. "You died, but your soul never found peace. If you would have, then Naraku wouldn't have been able to pull you back. You're just as alive now as Rin and I are."

"Only I'm not. As long as I have the jewel shard keeping me alive, Naraku can make me his puppet. He's never going to stop coming after me."

"So what's your solution? Run away? Hand yourself over to him? Because you won't last two minutes out there without Lady Kikyo or Lord Sesshomaru's protection, we both know that."

He hadn't mentioned leaving to her, but he wasn't going to deny it.

"We both already knew how this is going to end." Kohaku said. "The Shikon Jewel has to be completed and destroyed."

"Not like this. Not by you just going off on your own and waiting for Naraku to take your head. What good would that do anyone? Naraku is dangerous enough without a fully completed Shikon Jewel. He would be almost unstoppable with it." She paused, "But I suppose that wouldn't be your problem anymore, would it?"

Kohaku flinched at the ice in her tone. He couldn't respond.

"Fine." Hotaru finally said after a long silence between them. "If you're so determined to die now. I will kill you. It will save you a lot of trouble."

Kohaku turned to look at Hotaru. Her face was completely straight. Had she really just said that?

"You're bluffing."

"I'm not." she replied. Her deep somber eyes told him that she was absolutely serious. "I don't watch people suffer when they're begging for death. I'd sooner kill you myself then watch you hand yourself over to Naraku."

They stood in silence for a long time. She would do it, too. He knew she would. If he asked her to, she would end his life neatly and without hesitation, but she would hate herself for it. She would carry that decision around like a scar on her heart for the rest of her life. He couldn't let her do that. But how could they go on from here as if nothing had happened?

"Listen to me, Kohaku, you are not the first person I care about who's tried to kill me. You weren't even the most successful."

Kohaku opened his mouth to ask what she meant, then realized he probably didn't want to know.

"I'm not naive. I'm not fragile. I understand that this is a war. People get hurt in war. People get killed. If I wasn't prepared for that outcome, I wouldn't still be here. I also know that the pain I put you through today was way worse than the pain you put me through. So can we please just call it even and put this whole day behind us?"

Kohaku finally met Hotaru's eyes, there was no sympathy or shame. She was neither asking for nor granting forgiveness. He knew that if he did leave now, she wouldn't chase him. She wouldn't beg or plead. This was it. It was his choice. She would only ask him once.

"Okay." He finally said.

She smiled and took his hand. With that simple gesture he knew all of the day's transgressions had been absolved.

"I need you to promise me something." Hotaru said, after a moment.

"Anything."

"If somehow I do end up dying before you do…"

"Don't say that!" Kohaku interrupted. He had already come so close to losing her today. He was emotionally exhausted. He didn't want to entertain that possibility.

"Please, Kohaku, this is important."

He held his tongue.

"If I die before you," Hotaru continued, "Don't bury me. I need you to promise me that you'll have my body destroyed."

Kohaku felt like she had kicked him in the stomach. He didn't answer.

"Promise me, Kohaku." She pressed. She had never pressed him to respond before. "You know the power I have, you've seen it. Imagine what would happen if Naraku or some other demon gained control of my body, even for a moment."

The image from her nightmare flashed into his head. The decimated buildings, the blood soaked ground, the wave of horrible power, nine worlds wiped out in a single attack. More vivid than the vision, he remembered Hotaru's reaction to it. Hotaru was utterly fearless. She won Lord Sesshomaru's respect almost instantly. She commanded the demons of the underworld without hesitation. She stared down Naraku without flinching. Yet the mere memory of her attack had left her shaking and sobbing.

She's not fearless. Kohaku thought, She had one giant fear that consumes all the rest. There isn't room for her to be afraid of anything else.

"Alright." Kohaku finally agreed.

"Swear it."

"I swear it on my life."

"No, swear on something important to you."

Kohaku met Hotaru's eyes.

"I swear on my father's grave. If you..." The word stuck in Kohaku's throat, but he forced himself to continue. "If you die...I'll burn your body and scatter the ashes in the river."

Hotaru nodded, she visibly relaxed.

"Thank you." She murmured.

A weight had shifted. She had taken a burden that had clearly been on her chest for a long time and shifted that responsibility to Kohaku. He had no choice but to carry it for her. He owed it to her, but a tiny part of him resented her for it.

"Dawn is still a few hours off." Hotaru said. "I need to rest some more. You should get some sleep."

How can you expect me to sleep after that? Kohaku thought, but the exhaustion of the day was catching up to him. Now that he knew Hotaru was going to be okay, fatigue pulled him down. He lay down next to her. She curled up next to him, a comforting ball of warmth by his side.

No matter what, I'm going to make sure you survive this. Kohaku promised silently as he drifted off to sleep. I'm going to make sure you get to go home.

Author's note: Hey, I hope everyone is still doing good. As always, I hope you review, thank you so much to everyone who has. I love you guys so much. Thank you for reading.