A/N: I seem to have taken to two-monthly updates, it's really bad that that's an improvement!
Thank you to everyone who favourited or started following me, it really helps me keep going.
A Subtle Change
Chapter 21
Oliver had over the past week begun to make a habit of meeting Percy for a late lunch after a morning spent in the air. These lunches, as well as providing him with very pleasant company, allowed him to keep a close eye on Percy's state of mind. The Order was still yet to give Oliver anything specific to do; Dumbledore had smiled, welcomed his presence and given the vague instruction to 'help Percy'. Oliver was beginning to wonder if what he had actually meant was 'keep an eye on him', especially after that mini-breakdown Percy had appeared to be on the verge of a few days previously.
The door to Percy's office was open when Oliver arrived. There was a huge map of Scotland on the wall covered with scribblings in different colours. Percy stood in front of it muttering about weather systems and circling an area of the west coast with his wand.
"Could get you a kilt to go with that map but I'm not sure if you've got the legs for it," Oliver's soft Scottish accent laughed at him from the open door.
Percy turned round with a manic expression, wearing the same clothes as the previous day and looking the worse for wear on too much coffee and no sleep. "I've got it, this stretch of coastline – here!" he stabbed emphatically at the map with his wand, wafting his hand at it distractedly when it produced a little smoking hole. "It has to be somewhere here! Go get Thornfield! Go on!"
Oliver found himself being shooed out the door and obeyed automatically, heading towards the large office down the corridor as Percy turned back to his map.
XXXXXXX
Druscilla glanced up from her work at a knock on the door, "Come in," she smiled as the door opened to reveal Oliver Wood. "Ooh, please tell me this is a belated Christmas present and someone sent a stripper!"
Oliver grinned, accustomed to the woman's risqué humour, "Well if you're going to start throwing money at me I'm all yours!"
Druscilla gave an evil smirk, "Careful, I'll take you up on that. Now why are you really here?"
"Er, Percy wants you, I think he's found something."
Druscilla jumped up, all business in an instant, and followed the young quidditch player back to her assistant's office.
Percy was leaning heavily against his desk. "It's somewhere there," he gestured tiredly at the area circled on the map. "I narrowed it down as far as possible from Professor Snape's information. It's that stretch of coast. I think we're going to need to go out there, start some kind of search pattern, we can't do any more from here."
She smiled with something approaching relief at the news of their progress, "Well then, you better get searching, you can have all the resources you need. Use the Aurors, I'll speak to Kinglsey. You'd be better sending out small teams of two or three people – whatever you do we must not alert Voldemort that we're getting close!"
Percy nodded, "I'll get right on it."
"Hold on," Druscilla stalked over to her employee and took his chin firmly in her hand, forcing him to look her in the eyes. She looked him up and down, taking in the discarded robes flung over the chair, the rumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the tie askew. There was a smear of ink across Percy's cheekbone, which she wiped away with a gentle hand, his eyes were feverishly bright and far too alert despite his slumped posture. Definitely not been to sleep for a while, she thought. "You look exhausted. Go home, get a shower, get some sleep – I'll send out the aurors to start the search."
"I'm fine, I can get a coffee on the way," Percy protested.
"I think you've had too much coffee already!" she said, glancing at the row of discarded mugs on the cluttered desk. "Don't argue, go home! Oliver, take him home and put him to bed."
"Come on, Perce," Oliver took his arm and gently steered him towards the door, "You can carry on tomorrow, don't make me tell your mother you've been overdoing it."
Percy sagged gratefully against Oliver, enjoying the feeling of support from the other man's strong arms. "Alright, I surrender," he muttered and allowed Oliver to steer him out of the office.
Druscilla watched them go with a fond smile before turning her attention back to the map, expression desperately serious. "Finally."
XXXXXXX
Remus Lupin was stalking the high-ceilinged, dimly-lit rooms of Grimmauld Place, events of the previous day preying heavily upon his mind. Something about seeing the house Harry had grown up in and the people who had raised him, had brought home to Remus more than ever how much he had endured for one so young. Life had been consistently cruel to the boy, snatching away his parents and any hope of a normal life before he was old enough to remember and now threatening to snatch away his life altogether.
Combined with the encroaching full moon this left Remus restless and angry, desperate to do something but with nothing to do. He had barely slept the previous night after the disturbing Order meeting and had spent much of the day pacing the streets of London as he now paced the creaking floor of the old house. He had returned to Grimmauld Place, footsore and with a crazed plan forming somewhere in the back of his mind. Perhaps there was another way to deal with things but it was a way he had shied away from for years.
He halted suddenly, aware that whatever he decided it would be best decided with a clear head. If he intended the terrible indulgence that was tempting him perhaps he should start with the simpler indulgence of a cup of tea and a biscuit and a little time to consider.
Remus hadn't been sat down in the comfy armchair for long however before he heard the familiar whoosh of the kitchen floo and Moody wandered in to join him.
"Alastor," Remus greeted him politely but unenthusiastically, not keen on the idea of company.
Moody nodded in acknowledgment and gestured at a sealed bottle on the mantelpiece, "Snape left your Wolfsbane, he was here earlier, said he was sorry but he couldn't wait around for you."
Remus sighed, oddly disappointed by Severus' absence. Sometimes the other man felt like the only person who really understood things and though he would likely have blanched at what was in Remus' mind he was also the only person of Remus' acquaintance who he felt had a right to.
Moody frowned suspiciously at the expression on the werewolf's face, "What?"
The gnawing temptation in Remus' brain bit down hard and he heard himself say, "I might stay down in the cellar tonight."
"Why would you do that?" Moody asked suspiciously.
"It's the full moon." Remus did not care to elaborate.
Moody frowned in confusion, "Do you usually spend full moons in the cellar?"
"I do when there's a risk of me hurting someone if I don't," Remus wasn't sure if he wanted to be having this conversation or not.
"I just told you Snape had delivered your Wolfsbane." Moody growled in a dangerously even tone.
"Yes, you did," Remus' tone mirrored the ex-aurors in every nuance.
"So why would you need to worry about hurting someone?" Moody pressed.
"Just because it's here does not mean I'm going to take it," Remus snapped, reaching the end of his ever-shortening supply of patience at what felt like a demand to justify himself.
"Are you under the Imperius curse?" Moody had pulled out his wand now and his raised voice brought Arthur and Molly Weasley hurrying into the room.
"What's going on, Alastor?" Arthur said in a weary tone.
"Lupin here's thinking of tearing our throats out in the night," Moody growled.
"What?" Arthur mostly sounded confused.
"He may be under the influence of You-Know-Who!" Moody had positioned himself between Remus and the door as though he suspected Remus might make a run for it.
"I doubt that, Alastor, he'd probably have better things do to in that case than eat the last of the biscuits," Arthur grinned wryly at noticing the last of Molly's homemade cinnamon biscuits on a plate beside Remus' chair. No wonder he hadn't been able to find any in the biscuit tin.
"Sorry, Arthur," Remus smiled sheepishly, embarrassed by Arthur's easy attempt to diffuse the tension after his own outburst. He offered the plate, "Want one?"
Arthur smiled and happily took a biscuit, "Alright Remus, what have you done?"
Moody looked less than happy at the light-hearted turn the conversation was taking. Almost as though he thought biscuits weren't a major concern at this time. "It's what he's going to do!"
Remus sighed, "I can assure you, Alastor, I am neither under the influence of You-Know-Who nor plotting to tear anyone's throat out in the night."
"Then how do you explain not intending to take your Wolfsbane?"
"Remus!" Molly gasped, "You're not taking it?"
Remus sighed in frustration, "I merely said I was going to spend the night in the cellar. I don't know if I'm going to take it or not. I really can't explain."
"What's to explain?" Moody hadn't dropped his wand. "Either you're working against us or you're taking the potion to stop your little condition from causing you to attack us all!"
"Listen to me very carefully, Alastor, how I manage my 'condition' is my concern and the day of the full moon is not a good time to pick a fight!" Remus warned, stepping aggressively towards the other man with no thought of going for his wand.
"Stop this!" Arthur Weasley stepped between the two fighting men, "We are all tired and stressed and worried and this is not helping. Alastor, Remus does not intend to kill us in our sleep. Remus, Alastor is simply worried that without your potion someone, most likely you, will get hurt."
Remus gave Arthur a guilty look, he knew he was picking a bad time to spark controversy but couldn't help the anger he felt at the fact that simply being himself was considered controversial. Moody looked unsatisfied and distrustful but as that was his normal state Remus supposed he couldn't have hoped for much more. "I'll let you handle this then, Arthur, if you think there's no need for concern," the ex-auror left, muttering to himself intently, with Molly Weasley following him trying to calm him down.
Remus sighed and sank into the chair again. After a moment he realised Arthur was still stood watching him silently. "I know you don't understand, Arthur, but please just leave me to make my own decisions."
Remus heard a long breath escape the other man as though he'd almost been poised for further fighting, "I'm sorry, we were just concerned."
Remus laughed humourlessly. "You were uncomfortable."
Arthur sat in the armchair across from him, "That wasn't what I said."
"But it was how you felt," Remus met his eyes again with a sad smile that showed no remaining anger or bitterness at the situation.
Arthur, unlike most people, did not deny it, "I know how you must feel you know. When Ginny went missing and...we thought the worst...and there was nothing I could do, I felt so helpless. A father should be able to protect his children but sadly we can't always be there when needed."
Remus' smile wavered, "Harry is not my son, Arthur."
"Perhaps not but he's the closest thing you have." Arthur stood and offered his hand, "Take care of yourself, Remus."
Remus stood and accepted the firm handshake gratefully, "I'll see you tomorrow, Arthur. I think it would be best if you stayed clear of Grimmauld Place tonight."
"Of course."
Remus watched as the other man left, heard him collect a confused Molly from the kitchen and sighed with relief as he heard the floo taking them away. It would be dark in a couple of hours.
XXXXXXX
Druscilla stared out of the large window in Fudge's office at the tremendous rainstorm outside. Not that there actually was a rainstorm but the weather regulation employees seemed to have caught the tense mood of the rest of the ministry and everyone's weather had gone haywire as a result. Except for her own of course, it paid to make friends with the right people. It was amazing how far a nice box of biscuits at Christmas and a friendly nod of acknowledgement in the corridors could go towards making people feel appreciated and willing to help.
"We really think we've found him?" Fudge sounded hopeful.
"Yes, it would seem so, well narrowed down the location to a pretty specific area anyway."
They shared a look of mutual relief, the positive news uniting them briefly.
"I suppose you'll be telling the Order?" Fudge sounded a little petulant about this.
"We're not meeting tonight but I was intending to owl Dumbledore, unless you'd rather do it yourself?" she offered.
Fudge snorted, "No, you've got the information you might as well do it."
"Very well. Kingsley and I made it very clear to the Aurors that the utmost discretion is expected of them."
Fudge nodded distractedly and said, suddenly as though he did not wish to so felt it was better to get it out as quickly as possible, "Thank you for your support lately, it has been noted and appreciated."
"You're welcome," Druscilla chose her next words carefully, "But I think you know why you have my support, now is not a good time to be fighting amongst ourselves."
"I quite agree," Fudge offered her his hand which she shook warily.
"What's going on, Cornelius?"
"I was merely thanking you for your new cooperative outlook over the last few months. I can't even remember the last time we had a slanging match through Daily Prophet headlines."
She returned his grim smile with an amused one of her own, "Neither can I, does leave us both with rather more time to actually do our jobs doesn't it?"
"Yes, well we may not have the perfect working relationship but I just wanted you to know I am aware and grateful that you have been making an effort."
Druscilla was now somewhere beyond confused, she didn't think Cornelius had been this pleasant to her since her father's funeral almost ten years earlier. "Well, that's good. I should let you get on, it's getting late."
"Yes, yes," Fudge waved her away, "Why don't you go home for once, you seem to have moved in here, it's not your Ministry yet you know."
Yet. She paused in the doorway and looked back at the Minister but he was sat back at his desk and reading a scroll, completely ignoring her. She had definitely just been dismissed.
XXXXXXX
As evening began to draw in Remus retired quietly to the small cellar under the kitchen. The room was bare except for a chair and small wooden table upon which rested the Wolfsbane.
He stared at the bottle before him, mind racing so fast he couldn't grasp a thought long enough to focus on anything. Then a voice, almost sharp in it's clarity, cut through the maelstrom.
"You're thinking about not taking it aren't you?"
He turned and was somehow unsurprised to see Druscilla in the doorway, leaning against the frame, her elegant sling-backs dangling from her fingers, stocking-clad feet curling reflexively on the cold floor.
She shrugged at his questioning gaze, "Sore feet, these shoes look gorgeous but after a day pacing up and down the office they hurt like hell."
He gave a small smile, amused by her devotion to painful fashion, "I take it from your previous remark that you spoke to Moody?"
"No," she shook her head, "Did you talk to him about it?"
"Tried to, couldn't make him or anyone really understand. If you didn't speak to him then how did you know?"
"You're easier to read than the Daily Prophet – of course most things are. You're hurting and you want to get away from that, what's to understand? It's the way you plan on doing it that will trouble people, darkness always does. We can all be dark and twisted but most would rather not acknowledge that. That doesn't mean darkness is something you always need to run away from."
Her words struck a chord in the greying man and he looked at her in astonishment. To have her understand was never something he had expected somehow despite her ability to withstand his darker side.
Her expression softened, "Tell me how you feel, what's preying on your mind?"
He shook his head, determined not to answer her at first but as she began to look more impatient he started to speak, turning away from her so she couldn't see just how vulnerable he suddenly felt before her, like standing naked in front of her ever critical gaze. "It's just that for one mad moment I actually believed I'd got my best friend back, and I wanted to do exactly what Harry did and run after him. I suppose that makes me quite the old fool but at least if I'd gone to him instead of Harry the boy might be safe."
Druscilla was quiet for a moment before frowning and turning him to face her. "You're not foolish, Remus, you lost someone and that hurts beyond measure but there are still people in this world who care about you and I am selfishly very grateful that you did not run to him. Stop regretting the past, it's done. You need to start living again, for more than the idiotic reason that other people need you, you need you! Stop holding everything back, drop the mild mannered façade for two minutes every now and again because I've started to see what's behind it and I like it because it's…" she paused to search for a word, "real."
He remained quiet, letting what she had said sink in. This woman, this amazingly annoying and occasionally hurtfully tactless woman, made it sound so appealing - the idea of really letting go. So many times since he'd met Druscilla she had forced his darker side to shine through and yet she'd never exactly gone running from it. In fact he could have sworn she liked it. He looked at her, eyes narrowed uncertainly.
She lifted the bottle from the table and handed it to him, "This is your decision and I can't make it for you but I know what I'd be doing if I were you. You told me that being a wolf, giving into it entirely, felt liberating. Well we're all trapped in a bloody nightmare scenario right now and if you've got a way out then I suggest you take your freedom while you can. In fact I envy you the opportunity."
He snorted, "I'll be sure to bite you sometime so you can experience the freedom for yourself."
She laughed, "Oh Remus, you can bite me any day," she raised her eyebrows and her dark eyes danced with the, none too subtle, innuendo. Her expression became more serious though as she turned and walked towards the door. "I'm locking this after me, what you do then is up to you. Do what feels good rather than what feels like your duty for a change would you?"
He smiled, or was it more of a smirk? He didn't usually smirk, but then ever since he'd met her he'd found himself doing more and more things he didn't usually do. "You Slytherins just revel in the darker aspects of life don't you?"
She grinned in a slightly feral way. "Remus, you of all people know we need our dark sides, they keep us sane, we're nothing without them. They contain the most primal parts of us, the fear, the passion, the hate and anger that fuel us when everything else tells us to lay down and die, and if there's one thing Slytherins never do it's that!"
He laughed suddenly and glanced at the small barred window at the top of the wall, "The moon's almost up, you should go. You don't want to see this."
"Actually a deeply twisted part of me does want to, but I do have other concerns than you you know! So I shall leave you to your agonising over whether you be the perfect good Gryffindor and take the potion and lie here stewing in your own misery until morning…or whether you give in to what you really want."
He watched her leave, heard her lock the door and remembered how likely it was that Harry was locked up somewhere a lot more unpleasant than this. It was that thought and the fact that he could not change that that decided him on his course of action. He raised the bottle and threw it against the door, pieces of glass and Severus' carefully made potion spattered across the stone floor. Remus thought about what the man would say to that, most likely he'd throw a hissy fit about how hard he had worked for nothing if he found out, but Remus had the odd idea that the man would understand and maybe even approve of his decision. After all, Severus was somewhat of an expert at giving in to the darkness within himself.
He could feel a tingling in his fingertips and across his shoulders and a sudden rush of adrenaline speeding up his heart rate. He unknotted his tie and pulled off his shirt. It was time and for the first time in many years he welcomed the change, wanted it, longed for it, needed to get back in touch with that other side of himself. Just because that side of him scared some people didn't mean he had to pretend it didn't really exist just to please them. This was part of who he was and it was a part of himself he wasn't sure whether he liked or not, but for once it was a part of him he revelled in giving in to.
XXXXXXX
Grimmauld Place had emptied out over Christmas, with the Weasley twins having returned to the Burrow at their father's urging to keep their mother happy. There was almost always an Order member or two in the house but on the night of the full moon Remus was left alone. Druscilla it turned out was the only person foolhardy enough to seek out a werewolf on the night of his transformation.
Molly was anxious however to return to the Order Headquarters as soon as possible the next morning to check on Remus. "He might be hurt, Arthur, we should go over as soon as I've got the children breakfast."
"Molly," Arthur sighed, "I don't think that's a good idea. Leave it a few hours, we'll go over this afternoon if no one's heard from him. He doesn't want to be checked up on."
"But, Arthur…"
"No, Molly!" Arthur said firmly getting tired of the cyclical argument they'd been having for the past twenty minutes, "Leave him be, he's never in a good state the morning after and if he didn't take the Wolfsbane then he certainly won't be in a mood to be fussed over."
Molly sighed and kissed her husband's cheek, "I suppose you're right, but I hope he did take that potion." She bustled off into the kitchen to cook breakfast as a large regal looking tawny owl tapped on the window. Arthur let it in and took the letter it was bearing before fetching it a piece of the bacon his wife was preparing to fry.
"Ron!" Arthur shouted up the stairs despite the fact that there was little chance his youngest son would hear him all the way at the top of the house, "There's a letter for you!"
"Arthur!" Molly scolded, "Go and tell him, you know I can't stand you all shouting up and down the stairs! You'll wake Ginny and she needs her rest! And tell them all breakfast will be ready soon!" she shouted after her husband as he headed up stairs.
Twenty minutes later Hermione and the Weasleys, with the exception of Ginny, were all sat at the kitchen table having breakfast. Ron was trying to both shovel bacon into his mouth and open his letter at the same time and was getting nowhere fast.
"Here, let me," Hermione huffed as she took the letter from him and broke the seal before offering it back to him.
"Can you read it?" Ron was reluctant to prise his attention from his breakfast.
Hermione snorted and unfolded the parchment, "It's from Neville." She read the letter out.
"Dear Ron,
How is Ginny? Has she made as much progress as the healers hoped? Please give her my best wishes.
I was hoping you might like to meet in Diagon Alley before we go back to school. You must know why, but I don't want to say anything further in a letter – my Grandmother's worried about people intercepting the post. I've heard from Luna too, she's desperate for some news but said she didn't like to contact you in case it upset Hermione. I suppose she's still upset about Luna kissing you after the quidditch match? That seems like an awfully long time ago now. What on earth is he talking about, why should I care about that," Hermione had gone an interesting shade of pink and even Percy was looking amused at Neville's remarks. Fred and George looked like they'd just been told it was Christmas all over again.
Ron blushed at the catcalling and rude remarks this revelation brought about in the twins, "Well what else does he have to say?" he hurried Hermione along.
"I'm meeting Luna in the Leaky Cauldron on the 31st, I hope you and Hermione will join us, Ginny too if she's up to it.
Write back as soon as you can,
Neville."
Hermione refolded the parchment and looked to Mrs Weasley to await the inevitable refusal to allow them out of her sight. She was not disappointed.
"Oh well I really don't think that's a good idea," Molly frowned, "I don't want you going out in the current…situation."
"Mum!" Ron groaned, "We'd be safe in the Leaky Cauldron!"
"Aw, Ronnie wants to go and see his girlfriend!" Fred received a furious glance from Hermione and a bread roll to the face from Ron.
"No!" Molly insisted, "I am not risking anything happening to any of you. Ron, stop throwing food, you'll be cleaning that up! Now if Neville and Luna want to come here, that's a different matter. They can spend New Year with us if they'd like"
"How about if Bill and I go with them?" Charlie suggested, "Ginny's obviously not well enough to go anywhere but we can go to the Leaky Cauldron with Ron and Hermione, meet Neville and Luna and escort them back here so they can visit Ginny."
Molly looked unhappy, "I'm not sure that Ron and Hermione should be going."
"Molly, Bill and Charlie will take good care of them," Arthur reassured her, "and it will be nice for Ginny to have some visitors. There's no danger in bringing either of them here, but I do think some one should fetch them rather than letting them make their own way."
"Well…" Molly hesitated for a moment but eventually nodded, "Alright, but I want you all to be extremely careful!"
XXXXXXX
Extremely careful was a phrase mostly unknown to Druscilla Thornfield who had shared Molly Weasley's idea of going to see Remus first thing that morning. Druscilla however had no one to persuade her out of this.
Remus simply wished he were in some way surprised when, hunched over a cup of sweet tea, he heard someone clearing their throat delicately and turned to find Druscilla leaning against the doorway, an apple in her hand. The fruit was a deep red, the sort of apple you could imagine the Wicked Queen offering to Snow White or the serpent tempting Eve with in Paradise. She bit into it sensuously, juice running down her long fingers. She ate with an obvious degree of pleasure before extending a long, pink tongue and licking the juice from her hand.
"Good morning, Remus." Her sensual tone stoked across his raw nerves.
He grunted a pained response.
"Back in touch with your inner-beast?" She growled playfully, letting out a laugh at a volume that seemed calculated to split his skull in two.
"Can't you ever behave?" Remus grumped, aching and raw after his change – this time of mind as well as body – the adversarial dominance of the wolf lingering close to the surface.
"Good girls are no fun, Remus," she grinned wickedly.
Her exuberance, coupled with a teasing wink, rubbed uncomfortably against his raw nerves and he found himself responding archly, "I would imagine it's been a few years since anyone referred to you as a 'girl'."
She let out a sharp exclamation of anger, "Mind your manners, I'm not going to take your crap just because you had a rough night!"
"I'm sorry, I forgot how touchy you were about your age."
"Touchy about my age! You're no spring chicken yourself!" She laughed, "Feeling all those aches and pains after a night of clawing at the walls?"
"Why are you here?!" he growled out, standing up abruptly, anger rising at her constant teasing.
"Percy's narrowed down the search area, we're getting there," she smiled. "I thought, you would like to know.
"Really?" The look of desperate hope in the amber eyes was quickly replaced by confusion. "Hold on, you must have known this when you were here yesterday. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why did you think I came looking for you? But then I found you busy with your agonising and I figured you had enough to think about."
"If I'd known I might not have felt so desperate to escape that I spent the night 'clawing at the walls'!"
She sneered at him, her eyes running up and down his body, taking in the ripped sleeve of his shirt and smear of blood on his neck. "You needed it."
"What?!"
"You. Needed. It." She stepped closer, right into his personal space and he noticed again how tall she was, in her usual killer heels she was barely an inch shorter than he was. "I watch you playing nice with everyone, so controlled, so restrained, so busy thinking of everyone else," from her tone it was clear she didn't see any of this as a positive thing. "You needed to lose that control before you lost your mind, Remus. You can't be what everyone wants."
"Just what you want?" he sneered.
"That wasn't what I meant."
"You manipulated me into doing what you wanted!"
"I left you with a bottle of Wolfsbane and a choice! You made the decision not to take it because it was what you wanted!" Anger was beginning to seep into her tone again.
"Are you sure it wasn't about what you wanted!"
"Why would it make one bit of difference to me whether you take your Wolfsbane or not? Claw at the walls all you like, Remus, doesn't bother me!"
Her mocking smile and cruel words were too much to take after a long and difficult night. The transformation might be liberating but it was also painful and unsettling, bringing to the fore the feeling he'd spent most of his life with that part of him was constantly fighting for control, control that he was now fast losing. He shoved Druscilla hard, causing her to stumble backwards suddenly dropping what remained of her apple. She looked at him in astonishment for a moment before doing the last thing he expected. She laughed.
"I see the human part of you seems to like things rough as much as the wolf does."
She was laughing, he had tried everything possible to make her take him seriously and yet she seemed unconcerned that she was in a room with a very angry and not entirely human creature that could crush her if he so chose. Part of him suddenly wanted to do just that, wanted to scare her, wanted her to be afraid. With this in mind he grabbed her and shoved her viciously into the wall a few feet behind her. She crashed into it hard, pain and shock and finally fear showing in her eyes. He was pressed up against her, his lower right arm pushing across her shoulders, just below her neck. Her fear was showing clearly but there was something else in her eyes, it was clear that she'd noticed the compromising nature of their position. At seeing that in her the thought occurred to him as well, adding to the confusing myriad of emotions the woman awoke in him. Was there more to that side of their relationship than her frustrating innuendo? He couldn't help acknowledging that sudden realisation. "That darkness you were so fond of last night, do you still like it now it's up close?" he growled, his face inches from hers.
His eyes were flashing with anger and she felt fear like she had not felt for a long time. His sudden actions, the final proof that the mild mannered exterior was only a part of who he was, had shocked and intimidated her and yet she couldn't help hearing the answer to his question screaming inside her head. Yes. That darkness was just as appealing up close, a lot scarier and not something she felt comfortable enjoying but she was enjoying it.
He watched her face take on a expression of shock and dismay but her eyes were suggesting that she was indeed still as fond of the darkness as she had been, her dilated pupils certainly indicating an interest.
She could see from his face that he knew exactly how she felt and she closed her eyes, letting her head turn away in an attempt to break from the intensity of the moment.
She opened her eyes to see him smirk suddenly before releasing her and walking away without a word.
Trembling she leant against the wall, her heart pounding and her head spinning. She was scared, excited and deeply confused but most of all she felt alive, alive like she rarely had before. Perhaps he was not the only one that needed to get in touch with his darker side, but could she really handle getting in touch with Remus Lupin's dark side? She could deal with her own demons but his demon was living and breathing very literally and seemed to have a limited amount of reserve when it came to getting rough with her.
Stumbling slightly, Druscilla made her way to the chair Remus had been sat in when she arrived and sat down heavily. She sipped at his abandoned tea, pulling a disgusted face at the realisation it had sugar in then quickly finishing the rest. They did say hot, sweet tea was good for shock she thought to herself with a shaky chuckle before realising she was laughing to herself in an empty kitchen and departing quickly for the Ministry and the sanctuary of her own office and hopefully Percy's steady supply of coffee.
XXXXXXX
It was early afternoon before Remus could stir himself to leave Grimmauld Place, a shower and clean clothes had eased his body but not his mind. The events of the morning kept replaying on a continuous loop until Remus knew he had to go and find Druscilla. He wasn't sure if he wanted to apologise for his behavior or repeat it. Part of him was still so angry with her and he knew better than to think it was the wolf that felt that way, the human part of him held as much of the 'darkness' Druscilla had enjoyed. That she had endured. He snorted, somehow it was impossible to see Druscilla as a victim.
"Good morning, Remus," Percy interrupted his thoughts as he stood in the doorway to the young man's Ministry office.
"Good morning, Percy," Remus found himself annoyed at the careful tone in Percy's voice, doubtless he had heard of Remus' conversation with his father the previous day and now felt the man needed treating with kid gloves, like he hadn't gone through the transformation a hundred times before.
"You looked miles away, are you alright?" the question was accompanied by a genuine if concerned smile and Remus felt instantly ashamed of his previous thoughts. He was acting oddly, no wonder Percy was concerned.
"Tired and distracted, that's all. Thank you, Percy."
"Seems to be catching, Professor Thornfield's been a little mentally absent since she arrived this morning - late as usual," Percy smiled, attempting to inject humor and Remus was aware that in no other circumstance would Percy ever have spoken like this about his employer to anyone. It was clear he felt that Remus would never use the information in a way detrimental to her.
Guilt made Remus irritable, "Where is her royal highness anyway?"
Percy's smile disappeared, "In a meeting with the Minister and don't call her that."
Remus was a little taken aback, "Excuse me?"
"She's in a meeting and if you wish to speak about her in that manner then you do it to her face and not to me. Thank you," Percy gave an embarrassed smile as he realised he was giving orders to a man he'd only recently ceased to refer to as Professor.
Remus couldn't hold back a smile at Percy's embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Percy, she and I had another run in and I was a bit annoyed. I should go," Remus sighed, aware that in his present mood it might be best not to see Druscilla anyway.
"Despite all her power and success she's a rather lonely woman I sometimes think." Percy spoke quietly as though he were talking to himself then looked up at Remus, who had stopped in the doorway, and continued. "She's got no near relations, she had a brother but he was killed in the last war along with his wife and children. She's never even come close to settling down with someone and though she does have friends she doesn't really instantly endear herself to most people. She doesn't really seem to have anybody some days."
"Well not that I don't feel sorry about that, but frankly it's rather her own fault that she doesn't instantly endear herself to people," Remus grumbled. "Why are you telling me this?"
Percy ignored his question, "Oh she can endear herself to people when she wants to. You mustn't mind her for being a bit snappy, she's used to getting her own way and she's under a lot of pressure at the moment. One serious slip-up and Fudge'll throw everything he has at her in an attempt to get rid of her."
"You've really come to respect her, haven't you?"
"Of course, she's an impressive woman." He smiled, "Not to mention she took a chance on me when I needed help. She knows what she's doing, Remus, and you two are more similar than you think."
Remus shook his head in amusement, "I'm not sure I see that but I'll try to calm down before I next speak to her."
"Good idea."
After Remus left Percy busied himself with the mound of work that his boss had dropped on his desk that morning before muttering something about seeing Fudge and blowing off steam and that the man had been so odd yesterday he deserved it. Percy had no idea what that was all about but he knew some of the work on his desk was definitely not something he should have been doing. He eventually reached an impasse with what he could achieve, there were decisions here only Druscilla could make and so he determined to seek her out.
Finding her did not prove difficult, she and Fudge were having quite the row outside of her office and had attracted a small crowd of assistants and secretaries that Percy dispersed as quickly and discretely as he could. What they were rowing about was unclear, something about Fudge being patronising and Druscilla being difficult and the Auror Office not being under her control and he swore he heard something regarding werewolf tagging again, but as they were both talking at once it was impossible to tell what was going on.
Stephen Meadows, Fudge's Junior Assistant, who had somehow survived the scandal of his secretary being a Death Eater spy with his job, if not his nerves, intact, was approaching from the other end of the corridor. He and Percy exchanged a glance, they were not accustomed to being on the same side but both realised it would be in their boss' interests to break this one up. Stephen approached Fudge with a piece of parchment as Percy approached Druscilla.
"Excuse me, Sir..."
"Professor, I'm sorry to interrupt..."
They were met with silence as arguably the two most powerful figures in the Ministry seemed to suddenly acknowledge they had been squabbling like children where anyone could hear. Fudge recovered first for once, Druscilla looking vindictively angry, and nodded at Stephen, "Ah yes, I believe we have a meeting in ten minutes." He walked away without another word, dismissing Druscilla with a viciously sharp nod.
As he left Percy realised his boss was almost trembling with some unspent emotion. "Professor..." he started gently, concerned by her odd behavior.
"Oh do be quiet, Percy!"
Watching him recoil slightly at her harsh tone, Druscilla seemed to get a grip on herself. "I'm sorry, Percy, can you give me five minutes and I'll see you in my office?"
"Of course, Professor," Percy's response was clipped and business like, making her further regret snapping at him.
Five minutes later Druscilla had splashed some cool water on her face and recomposed herself sufficiently that the first thing she said upon him entering her office was an apology for her temper.
Percy assured her it was fine and moved swiftly on to update her on the work he'd been doing, work she should have been doing herself. She agreed with most of what he said, promised to look over what he'd done and praised how thoroughly he'd completed everything he possibly could.
"Remus dropped by earlier," Percy mentioned once they'd dealt with the paperwork.
"Really," Druscilla affected disinterest. "What did he want?"
"To bite your head off I think, he seems rather unhappy with you." Percy's tone seemed polite yet critical. No doubt he had not appreciated the way she had instantly dumped everything on to him today in favour of working her temper out on Fudge and effectively ruining the brief, brittle peace they had been tolerating. So brief she hadn't even had time to tell Percy about it before it shattered.
"Oh," she sat down with a sigh.
Percy took in the dark circles under her eyes and the pretty scarf at her throat with its folds falling open slightly to reveal part of a bruise and felt himself soften. "Here," he conjured a cup of earl grey tea just the way she liked it (black with a single thin slice of lemon) and placed it on the desk at her elbow.
Dark eyes met his and the crimson lips curled into what looked to be an almost embarrassed smile.
He watched as she silently accepted the tea, raising it to her lips but not yet drinking, simply savouring the delicate aroma. That trace of embarrassment had been interesting, even now she was rearranging her scarf while she thought he wasn't looking. So something about the bruise (bruises?) embarrassed her. The only time Percy had previously seen any trace of such self-consciousness in his ever-confident employer was when she had realised her mistake in referring to a seriously ill child (his little sister) as a way to alter her own image in Remus' eyes.
It really was difficult to deny that Druscilla was sometimes self-centred and self-interested to an unpleasant degree. Her lack of sensitivity meant she could make tough decisions and weather unpleasant situations better and more practically than most but it also sometimes left her seeming cold and untouched by what went on around her. It was unfortunate, Percy thought, that the emotions she let out most were anger and passion, neither of which convinced people that there was a thoughtful person beneath the abrasive exterior and both usually served to make people uncomfortable.
XXXXXXX
Druscilla worked late, eating a sandwich and some soup in the office and tasting none of it. By the time she left she felt she might as well have not bothered at all, she seemed further behind than she had at the start of the day - or would have been had Percy not been doing her work for her.
Once at home she poured herself a glass of wine and went straight to bed, thinking as she did so that she it had been a long time since she had done this with somebody else. It seemed that almost since the moment she'd met Remus her attention had been focused on him, of course there had been other factors and possibly things would be this way even if she'd never met him but going by her past record she doubted it. She'd pursued men for longer than this before now, the chase was always fun, she thought to herself with a smirk, but this felt different. He had somehow grabbed her attention and wouldn't let it go.
She sighed, she wanted him and she was a little terrified by that. No one had ever made her feel the way he did. She was used to being in control of her relationships, she had always been the dominant party, always the aggressor, known for eating men for breakfast. He was the first person who had really stood up to her and he was certainly the first person to threaten her in any physical way outside of a duel or a battle. Part of her really didn't want to admit how much she had enjoyed that, how much losing control of the situation had excited her, part of her wanted to run and hide and push the man as far away from her as possible.
Standing before her full-length mirror she slipped her blouse from her shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor in a puddle of scarlet silk, exposing the bruising on her slender shoulders and across her collarbones. Bruising caused by a man she had once referred to as mild mannered. She touched a large bruise on her collarbone, wincing as she pressed too hard against it with her fingertips. The bruises were quite a variety of interesting colours, testament to how hard she had been pushed.
A chill of excitement crept through her as she traced her fingers along the bruises with just enough pressure to sting.
XXXXXXX
Next update wil be here as soon as I can manage. It's New Year's Eve next chapter and there may have been a few interesting discoveries made by the time the clock hits midnight. ;)