Miroku watched in silence as Sango picked up Hotaru's weapon and plunged it into the child's back. There was an explosion of energy from the girl's body as Magatsuhi's scream filled the forest. Hotaru fell forward. Miroku realised Sango's legs were about to give out a moment before they did, and rushed forward to catch her. He lowered her gently to the ground where he pulled her close to his chest. Beside them, Hotaru choked and sputtered in Kohaku's arms.
Sango watched on in horror. Miroku knew she had tried to make a clean kill, but still somehow, Hotaru clung to life. It wasn't Sango's fault. Her strike had been true, Hotaru simply appeared to be harder to kill than an ordinary human. Kohaku whispered to her, trying his best to comfort her in her death throes. When she finally stilled, Kohaku let out an inhuman sob and buried his face into her hair.
Miroku closed his eyes and offered up a prayer.
May you finally find peace, my young friend. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten.
Miroku's own heart ached over the loss. He had grown to care for Hotaru deeply over the last couple of weeks. She was kind, clever, and loyal. He would miss her terribly. But he was a monk. He could not allow his sorrow to overtake him, particularly not when Sango needed him to be strong for her.
Sango was currently shaking in his arms as the reality of what she had done crashed down on her. He knew Sango had never killed a human before. It didn't matter that this had been a mercy killing. She had killed her friend in cold blood. The truth of that seemed to be more than she could handle.
There was nothing Miroku could say to soothe Sango in her current state. The best thing he could do was to hold her and let her cry for as long as she needed. Kohaku wouldn't be in any fit state to move anytime soon. Even Kagome, who had known Hotaru for the shortest amount of time, was paralized in grief over what they had all just witnessed.
None of them moved for a long time. Miroku listened to Kohaku's muffled sobs, and Sango's soft weeping. He wanted to give them all the time they needed to mourn, but as the sun started to dip behind the tree line, he became concerned by their vulnerability.
"It's getting dark." Miroku finally said. "We should get back to the village."
Kohaku moved slowly, lifting his head as if it were weighted down with lead. He wiped his eyes and nodded. He attempted to stand while still holding tightly to Hotaru's body. Whether from exhaustion or grief, or perhaps simply unbalanced by the added weight, Kohaku stumbled and fell.
"I can carry her." Inuyasha offered, using an uncharacteristically gentle voice that was usually reserved for Kagome.
"No." Kohaku said, "I'm fine."
It was clear that he was not fine. He attempted to rise again, but slipped on the blood soaked rocks and landed hard. Pity rushed through Miroku, Kohaku clearly didn't want to let go of his friend, but he was simply unable to carry her weight. Miroku took off the wrap he usually wore around his robes and lay it over Hotaru's body. Then he gently lifted her into his own arms.
"I will carry her." Miroku said. "You walk with Sango."
Kohaku's eyes were dull and defeated. He didn't argue.
Miroku carefully repositioned Hotaru's body so that the cloth was tucked all around her. She was impossibly light. She had always held herself so tall in life, so she appeared to take up more room then her small stature would suggest. Now, having her gathered in his arms, it was apparent how tiny she actually was. How old had she been anyways? Eleven? Twelve? Miroku had never even thought to ask. Too young to have suffered such a fate.
He could feel her head rest against his chest. He cradled her as if she were merely a sleeping child that he didn't want to wake. He felt a strong paternal instinct to try and protect her. He had been unable to prevent her death, but he would do whatever he could to assure she received the proper rites so that her soul could find peace.
As twilight drew nearer, Miroku noticed that no fireflies were appearing. Since Hotaru had arrived in the village, there had been an abundance of fireflies every night.
Not a single firefly could be seen tonight.
Miroku did not take that as a good omen.
Buddha, please, protect this child's soul. She has endured so much suffering in her life. Please, allow her to find peace.
Miroku recalled the flash of Hotaru's nightmare that he had seen; the terrible wave of silence that devoured the world. Whatever that was, it had been what Hotaru had given her life in order to prevent. She had allowed her body to be ripped apart in order to prevent it. A sacrifice like that should have earned her sainthood, yet Miroku couldn't help but fear for her. She had died possessed. What would that mean for her soul?
The walk back to the village seemed longer than any journey Miroku had ever taken. They finally approached the village storeroom, where Lady Kaede waited with Shippo and Rin. Rin jumped up as soon as she saw them. She ran forward excitedly, but slowly came to a halt as she took in the looks on everyone's faces and realised there was blood covering Kohaku and Sango.
"What happened?" She asked. Her face shifted from concern to terror. "Where's Hotaru?"
No one answered. Lady Kaede pulled the young girl back slightly. No one needed to tell Lady Kaede. Sorrow flooded her good eye and she bowed her head.
Rin's face contorted as her eyes fell on the bundle in Miroku's arms.
"No, she's not..SHE'S NOT!"
Miroku had never heard Rin scream like that. He had never heard Rin scream at all.
"She can't be…"
"Impossible!" Jaken protested. "I have seen that child devoured by a Hellhound and pierced in the stomach clean through, and she brushed it off as if it were a mere scratch. She can't be dead. I don't believe it."
"Magatsuhi possessed her." Miroku explained, "She fought against him, but the effort involved destroyed them both."
"Come." Lady Kaede said. "Let us speak inside."
She led them into the storehouse. As they all filtered in, Miroku gently placed Hotaru's shrouded body on the floor.
"Magatsuhi became aware of Hotaru's powers." He said. "She chose to give her life in order to prevent him from ever using them. We must honor her bravery."
"Aye, I believed from the moment I met her that she was the type of person who would do anything to protect the ones she loved. But I am saddened that her resolve would lead to this." Lady Kaede said. "Sango, Kagome, will ye help me prepare her body for burial? We will sit vigil for her tonight, and bury her in the morning."
"We can't bury her."
Kohaku's voice surprised everyone. He had stopped sobbing. Tears were still flowing freely down his cheeks, but his voice was steady. He didn't look up as he spoke.
"I promised her we wouldn't." He continued, "Naraku's still out there, along with countless other demons that could discover the power she has and attempt to use her." His hands clenched into fists on his lap. "I won't allow Naraku to use her the way he used me."
Miroku couldn't help but feel relieved that he did not have to be the one to bring up the dangers of burial.
"Many people who possess strong spiritual power are cremated in order to prevent demons from controlling their bodies after death. It would be wise to take the same precaution now."
"That ain't a guarantee." Inuyasha said darkly, "Kikyo's body was burned."
"I told her I'd burn her body and scatter the ashes in the river." Kohaku said.
Silence followed his words. The nagging fear for Hotaru's soul worsened. How would her soul ever find peace if her body wasn't given a final place to rest?
"If that was truly her wish, then that is what we must do." said Lady Kaede. She stood and started gathering what she and the girls would need to prepare Hotaru's body.
Miroku rose, he put his hand on Kohaku's shoulder.
"Come on. Let's give them some privacy. You should clean yourself up."
For a moment, Miroku was unsure whether or not Kohaku would listen. But slowly the boy stood up. Together they walked down to the river. Kohaku silently knelt down beside the dark water to wash Hotaru's blood from his clothes and face.
Rin ran up to catch them.
"But...Kohaku….Lord Sesshomaru can bring her back to life, can't he? We just need to wait for him."
Miroku had completely forgotten about Lord Sesshomaru. But would bringing Hotaru back revive Magatsuhi as well? Ultimately it didn't matter, Kohaku shook his head, "It won't work."
"But his sword...Master Jaken told me it can bring people back to life. We just need to wait. I'm sure Lord Sesshomaru will come, I'm sure of it!"
"Rin." Kohaku said. "It won't work. There are some people even Lord Sesshomaru can't bring back to life. Hotaru is one of them."
Rin's face crumpled in anguish. Kohaku walked away. Miroku knelt down to comfort Rin and Shippo.
"I don't understand, Miroku." Shippo cried.
"I know, Shippo." said Miroku, "But we must try not to grieve for her. Instead we must remember her courage and honor her sacrifice."
.
.
.
"Kagome," Kagome looked up when Kaede said her name. She blinked tears out of her eyes. "Will ye fetch water so we can wash her body? Sango, ye should clean ye self up."
Sango was still kneeling beside Hotaru's shrouded body. She was shaking, and tears were still streaming quickly down her face. Hotaru's blood still streaked her body.
Kagome didn't even know what to say to her friend. Sango had killed a child. Maybe Kohaku had been right. Maybe had been the most merciful option available. But still, the fact that Sango had killed a child was a difficult thing to get over.
Will Sango ever be able to get over it?
Sango was one of the strongest people Kagome had ever met. After everything she had been through, everything she had lost, she still always managed to get back up and keep moving forward. But Kagome had never seen her look this devastated.
Kagome went outside to fill her bucket. When she went out the door, Inuyasha was waiting for her. Their eyes met for a moment. He looked like her wanted to say something, but didn't know what. Kagome put her head down and skirted past him. She began drawing water from the well, but her hand slipped and the bucket fell back down into the water with a splash.
"Here." Inuyasha said, he grabbed the rope and pulled the bucket up for her. His knuckles were broken and bloody from punching the ground in anger. She knew how much he hated feeling helpless.
"Thank you." Kagome managed to reply.
He opened his mouth, but closed it again. There was nothing he could say, nothing either of them could say, that would erase what they had just witnessed. There was nothing they could do to set this right.
"I'll keep guard." Inuyasha finally said.
Kagome nodded. Her throat was too tight to speak anymore. She took the bucket from his hands and hurried back to the store house.
Sango had gotten up and was changing her clothes when Kagome returned. Kagome rarely saw Sango fully strip out of her demon slayer uniform. She would remove her armor, but always wore the suit under her kimono so she could change quickly in an emergency. But Kagome suspected that Sango couldn't bear wearing clothes still slick with a child's blood. Her hands were shaking and she seemed unable to finish tying her apron. Without saying a word, Kagome put the bucket on the floor and walked over to help her friend. She took the fabric from Sango's hands and tied it for her. When she had finished she pulled Sango into a hug. The two girls held each other for a few moments, sharing each other's grief. Gaining strength for each other's comfort.
Kaede was gathering the supplies they would need.
"Have ye prepared a body before?"
"No." said Kagome. Sometimes as they traveled they would stop to bury the many nameless victims of Naraku, but Miroku had always just said a quick prayer. She hadn't been to a proper funeral since her father died when she was five.
"Yes." said Sango. There was a hollowness to Sango's voice.
Kaede nodded at their different responses.
"Sango, ye shall wash her face and body. Kagome, ye shall tend to her wounds so they do not plague her in her next life."
Then Kaede pulled back Miroku's wrap. Kagome was not prepared to see Hotaru's face again. Dried blood still covered her skin. Streams coming down from her eyes, mouth, and nose. Her skin was ghostly pale. The tiara she wore across her forehead in battle was askew. Sango took a cloth and began gently wiping the blood from Hotaru's face.
Kagome felt overwhelmed with grief once more, but she knew she had to keep going. She took a breath to steady herself and began removing Hotaru's dress. The injury went straight through her body, a giant gap straight through her chest. Kagome's hands shook. She began to clean and disinfect the wound, as if it were any other injury. She supposed there wouldn't be any risk of infection, but she used her antibiotics anyways. It helped, a bit, to pretend this was an ordinary injury, like the thousands of injuries she had patched up on her friends. But, of course, it wasn't. Hotaru's skin was cold to the touch. Her chest was still. As hard as Kagome tried, there was no pretending. Hotaru was dead. Tiny and still and cold and very, very dead. Still Kagome did her best.
When she was finished, Kaede dressed Hotaru in a white kimono. The old priestess prayed and placed a sutra over Hotaru's heart before tying the kimono shut, right side folded over left.
Sango carefully brushed Hotaru's hair, as Kagome brushed powdered blush onto her cheeks. Then they scattered flowers and herbs around the body. Sango lit incense.
Finally, Kaede placed coins in Hotaru's palm and closed her fingers over them, then placed her hands on her chest.
"Now we can only pray for her safety as she transitions to the next world."
With nothing more to busy her hands with, Sango let out a sob. She covered her face with her hands. Kagome didn't know what to say. She could only stare at the small corpse before her. Find my parents. Tell them what happened. Tell them that I love them. Kagome couldn't bear the thought of facing Hotaru's parents. How could she stand before strangers and explain to them that their daughter was never coming home? Tell them that I died bravely. And that I didn't feel any pain. It was more than she could handle.
Soon, the other returned. Kohaku was the first to enter. His eyes were dull with grief. He sat down next to Hotaru's body and put his hand over hers. It was almost as if he had to check, just one last time, if she was really dead.
Miroku entered next, with Shippo on his shoulder, and Rin by his side.
"She looks like she's sleeping…" Shippo said.
"She looks so peaceful…" Rin's voice was almost inaudible.
"She is at peace now." Miroku told them. "She doesn't have to fight anymore."
At this, Rin let out a sob. She crossed the room to sit beside Kagome. "Did you hear that, Hotaru?" She asked, her voice shaking. "You don't have to fight anymore."
"Lady Kaede and I will keep a barrier around the house tonight." Miroku said. "She'll be hidden from demons and soul stealers. Inuyasha is going to keep guard as well. You can sit vigil without worry."
"Thank you." Kohaku replied.
Sango wrapped her arm around Kohaku.
Kagome held Rin close to her on one side, and Shippo on the other. Both children were completely distraught. She did her best to comfort them.
The room was silent as the night dragged on. Suddenly, the door opened. Sesshomaru loomed in the doorway. His face was hard and displeased.
Rin jumped up right away. "Lord Sesshomaru!" She cried, running to the demon. "Please, my lord...Hotaru is...you can save her, can't you?"
"Jaken." Sesshomaru snapped sharply, "Did I not instruct you to keep the children safe?"
Jaken gulped. "Y-yes, milord...but...you see...Hotaru and Kohaku ran off, and I remained with Rin…"
"It was my fault, Lord Sesshomaru." Kohaku spoke, but he didn't look up. His eyes hadn't left Hotaru's face all night. "I couldn't protect her. She's dead because I couldn't defeat Magatsuhi on my own."
Sesshomaru did not reply. He simply stepped forward and drew his sword. The sorrow in Kagome's heart lifted, until Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. He glared at his sword with obvious annoyance.
"It won't work." Kohaku said. His voice was hollow. "Tenseiga can't bring someone back to life if they've already been brought back once. That's what the guardians of the underworld said. Hotaru was killed when she was younger, her princess revived her."
Rin started sobbing again, harder now than before. Sesshomaru looked furious.
"Where is Magatsuhi?" He demanded.
"Dead." Sango replied. "Hotaru took him down with her."
Without another word, Sesshomaru turned and left the house. Rin called after him.
"Let him go, Rin." Kagome said. "I doubt anything will stop him from destroying Naraku now."
Sesshomaru's vendetta against Naraku began when Naraku merely threatened Rin. Whatever his connection to Hotaru had been, she was traveling under his protection. He would consider her death to be a personal insult to his pride. Kagome knew Sesshomaru well enough by now to know that such a thing could not be tolerated.
As the night wore on, Shippo and Rin both nodded off to sleep. Rin still whimpered and sniffled in her dreams.
Inuyasha came in around midnight.
"Hey," He said as he sat down beside Kagome. "You should get some sleep."
Kagome shook her head. "I'm okay."
"No you're not. You look exhausted."
Kagome had no energy left to argue. She rested her head against Inuyasha's shoulder and closed her eyes. It wasn't true sleep, more like a groggily haze of semiconiousness interspersed with nightmares.
.
.
.
Kohaku didn't know how long he sat there, time had lost all meaning. The night seemed endless. Was it still night? Had hours passed, or centuries? He didn't know. He didn't care. The world outside of his sphere of grief could have crumbled away and he wouldn't have noticed. He had been plunged back into the darkness, that all consuming chasm of despair, only this time there would be no fireflies to guide him out. Hotaru's light had vanished from the world. All Kohaku could do was wonder how everything went so horribly wrong.
Kagome and the others had fallen asleep, but Sango stayed awake with Kohaku all night. He couldn't even think of sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the terror in Hotaru's face as she looked up at him in her final moments.
Dawn finally broke. Miroku entered looking tired but steady.
"Inuyasha," the monk said, nudging his friend awake. "It's morning."
The half-demon nodded.
"Hey, Kagome, Shippo, Rin." He woke the three sleeping party members.
Rin looked confused for a few seconds after waking then her eyes became sad.
"I thought it might have been a dream..." The little girl said. Kagome hugged her.
"Inuyasha built a pyre last night." Miroku told the group. "It's time to say goodbye."
Rin sobbed some more, Shippo whimpered. Kohaku felt himself shaking. Sango put her hand on his shoulder. He swallowed a lump in his throat. This was the last time he would ever see her face...it wasn't even her face now. It was too still, too clean, too painted up in an attempt to make her look less dead. Her face was a broad smile, or a glare of anger, or maybe a smug little grin. Her face was always dirty and sweaty but full of color and life. Her violet eyes sparkling like the stars she had once lived on.
"Kohaku..." Sango whispered.
Kohaku didn't speak. He had thought that he'd run out of tears, but somehow more found their way to his eyes. He took Hotaru's hand one last time. He wanted to tell her something. He didn't know what. That he would keep his promise? That they would defeat Naraku for her? That he loved her? His throat was too constricted for such words.
I'll never forget you. Goodbye.
Miroku took a white cloth and draped it over her body. He picked up one side of her mat, Inuyasha picked up the other. They carried her away.
Kohaku and the others followed them. The sun was just barely up. Miroku and Inuyasha set Hotaru's body on the pyre constructed a few yards from the storehouse. In the middle were the few possessions Hotaru had. Her weapon. The outfit that she died in, now stained with blood. The tiara she wore in battle. Above that was a casket meticulously woven from willow branches. That's where they put Hotaru. Then they covered it with more wood and reeds. They had to make sure the fire burnt hot and long so that nothing would be left. Kaede poured a jar of oil over the pyre and offered up a prayer.
Kaede picked up a torch and lit it from a cooking fire.
"Ye were the closest to her." She told Kohaku. "Ye should be the one to light it."
Kohaku took the torch from her. He almost felt as if someone else was in charge of his body as he walked up, he hesitated. Once he started the fire, she would really be gone forever. It would be final...
She is already gone. It is final...even Lord Sesshomaru couldn't bring her back... He didn't remember moving, but he must have because next thing he knew the reeds had started on fire. Within seconds the oil caught and the whole pyre was ablaze.
He stood transfixed, watching the flames as they greedily devoured the wood. The oil turned the flames blue. He was standing too close, Sango pulled him back gently.
"Ye all should get some rest." Kaede advised, "I will have a villager tend to the fire. It will be a few hours now."
"Come on, Kohaku." Sango said.
"You go in." Kohaku told her, "I would like to stay out here."
"You've been up all night." Sango protested.
"I'm fine."
"Kohaku..."
"Sango," Miroku said. "Let him be. He needs time alone."
Reluctantly the others left him, he sat down in the grass. Villagers slowly filtered out of their homes, wondering what was going on, asking who had died. He didn't reply. At a couple of points he closed his eyes and drifted off into a kind of pseudo-sleep. But each time his dreams woke him.
The others woke around midday. Sango tried to convince him again to go inside and rest, but he refused. So instead they sat by him. It was evening by the time they finally allowed the fire to start to burn out. Even after the last of the flames died no one moved. The group just sat in silence for a while.
Finally Miroku spoke. "It should be cool enough to gather up the ashes now. Are you sure you don't want to bury them? I can seal them for protection."
Kohaku shook his head.
"Seals can be broken." He said. "She didn't want there to be any chance of anyone using her ashes the way they used Lady Kikyo's."
Miroku nodded. "Alright. Then let's go." All of them helped gather the ashes and put them in a jar, but Rin stopped with a small gasp halfway through.
"Kohaku..." She said. Her hands were still, she seemed to have uncovered something.
Kohaku's heart lurched in fear. He recalled a few times when he was a kid, cremating a warrior only to find bone fragments left behind. It had always frightened him as a child. He didn't think he could handle seeing a piece of her left in the ash, a charred bone fragment that couldn't even be identified anymore. It would be so much worse if Rin was the one to find it. But when Kohaku looked, he saw that it wasn't a bone. Instead, Rin had uncovered Hotaru's heart-shaped broach. It was caked with ash, but remarkably still intact. Kohaku picked it up and cradled it in his hands. It was still warm from the fire. He tucked it into his pocket. It was all he had left of her. He would keep it with him forever.
When the jar was full he lifted it up.
"We don't have to do it right now." Sango told him.
"Yes, we do." Kohaku replied. He carried the jar to the river. Rin kept close to one side, Sango to the other. He waded shin deep into the water. Tears fell into the ash. Slowly, he tipped the jar out and let the river carry her ashes away.