(imitates Greed) Just who the hell do you guys think I am huh? You guys think I can just write three chapters a day? (smirks) Well, you're in for a surprise! :D haha I'll try to update at least two of your requests today (it's evening here but don't worry 'bout it, there are no good movies running now .) BTW: Any Germans here? I was debating whether or not writing some of my other stories (or one shots) on German since all my stories are on English (shrugs)
BTW: I'll use Japanese honorifics in this one! Tell me if it's better WITH or WITHOUT honorifics! :D
Be warned! Cranky Greed incomiiinngg!
Enjoy my dear readers!
Returning Home
"Hey! Come on, quit lagging behind!" Greed shouted to the back, he sighed heavily as he craned his neck, wearing a black cappy to at least block out the sun (and the heat) from his face in this damn desert.
Lan Fan, old man Fu and Mei Chang along with Xiao Mei were a little more behind, Lan Fan's injuries still hadn't fully healed, she hadn't rested over seven months she had to after getting automail attached to her. Ed had scolded her thoroughly for that. So she took it to heart and decided to take it easy.
Fu was in a more advanced age, so he opted to spare his energy to survive this incredibly long walk back home to Xing. He looked back and forth between the bickering duo, Ling and Greed.
They were a pain in the ass to say the least.
Because of a series of events, which included the Philosopher Stone getting removed from Ling's body and mixed with his blood, created a Ling version of Greed or rather a Greed-version of Ling.
Mei kept whimpering about her "beloved Alphonse-sama" and it drove nearly the whole party nuts.
"Why...w-why did we have to leave Alphonse-sama and Edward-sama behind? A-Alphonse-sama...hey may need help! And I'm not there!" Mei cried a whole waterfall of tears.
"Hey! One more 'Alphonse-sama' from you and you're flying kid got that?" Greed rubbed at his forehead, adjusting his cappy lower on his eyes.
"Greed...what is up with that hat of yours anyway?" Ling deadpanned, watching the black, peculiar cap on his head, they didn't have such things in Xing, only straw hats.
"What the hell is it to you? My head, my rules! I can wear wigs on my head for all I know!" Greed snapped irritably at the prince, crossing his bare muscular arms.
He had long since tore off the sleeves of his black, tight shirt. As an extra precaution, he used his jacket to block out the sun more by holding it above his head spread wide over his head and shoulders.
"You look ridiculous Greed..." Ling shook his head, fanning himself with Mei's fan.
"Tch, says you, using a little girls fan to keep yourself cool, what? Is the grass greener on the other side or what?" Greed growled, the heat getting the better of him.
"I don't think you even have grass on that side," Ling stuck his tongue out, swiftly evading Greed's claws.
"Oh yeah?! You wanna see how much grass I got?! More than you baldy!" Greed boasted.
"Fool..." Fu shook his head, hurling a little rock at Greed's head to stop the Homunculus from tearing Ling to shreds.
"Hey! Old man! What the hell was that for? You trying to kill a man for being too handsome?!" Greed rolled his eyes, rubbing at his head.
"If you mean throwing a little pebble at your head to diffuse the situation as "killing" then yes," Fu replied casually, growing concerned as Mei kept slowing down more and more, "Princess, do you require assistance?"
"O-oh no, no thank you! I'm fine!" Mei sweat dropped, smiling nervously as she tried to speed up but instead she fell down face first on the hot sand.
Xiao Mei made a show of rubbing his face in agony as the sand was very hot, Mei doing the same. Both coughed and stuck their tongues out, it was a amusing sight.
Greed ceased his bickering with Ling and rolled his eyes, he took off his cappy and placed it on Mei's head, he took his coat and draped it over her shoulders and head. Then he squatted down low with his arms reaching behind him.
Mei blinked in confusion and gaped like a fish.
"What? You're supposed to climb on my back ya know! I'm carrying you the rest of the way," Mei smiled and happily jumped on Greed's back, nearly strangling the poor Homunculus as she wrapped her arms too tight around Ling's neck.
"Argh-what the-c-could-c-can't b-b-breath...kid, g-get the hell off m-me..." Greed coughed like a dying cat, reached out toward the sky for a seemingly invisible deity as he made a show of choking to death.
Mei slightly loosened her grip and instead she swung her legs over Greed's shoulders, gripping his head.
"Is this better?" she asked shyly, blushing when Greed finally breathed life into himself.
"Y-yeah..." he coughed again, ignoring the stunned look on Ling's face.
Then the prince had a idea.
"Lan Fan! Why don't you climb on my back too?" Ling squatted down all too eagerly with a broad grin.
Lan Fan blushed behind her mask, "Um..." and then she was suddenly lifted into the air.
By none other than her grandfather Fu, piggy back style.
"No need to burden yourself, Your Highness," he smiled but had a protective gleam in his eye as he watched Ling scramble to straighten up, well aware of the man's protectiveness over his granddaughter.
"Thank you grandfather," she whispered the last word to him fondly and he smiled affectionately at his granddaughter.
"Ha! Idiot..." Greed grinned, holding Mei's legs gently yet firmly to ensure she wouldn't fall as they trekked across the desert.
"Alright, who farted just now? Don't think I can't smell it," Greed whipped around, glaring at each and every one of them in the eye.
"Greed! Who the hell cares if anyone let loose?! We are in a freaking desert! I doubt the sand will get offended!" Ling barked, feeling irritated himself as the son burnt on his skull.
"Suits you right you stink bomb! HA! I have a shadow above my head and you don't! Of course it was you, who else would fart and then deny it..." Greed smirked.
"EVERYONE WOULD DENY IT YOU BASTARD!" Ling snarled, coming right up at Greed's face.
"SO THAT MEANS YOU DID YOU STINKER!" Greed grinned in triumph, bouncing Mei slightly in his grip as she laughed at the amused bickering between her cousin and the Homunculus.
Fu and Lan Fan sighed and observed them, comparing them more and more to infants than the adults they were supposed to be.
"This will be a very long journey..." Fu muttered, Lan Fan nodded and could only agree.
They had a small break and they were eating ramen with rice balls, the rice balls Greed immediately gulped down like a glutton but he had difficulty handling the sticks.
"What with this anyway? Can't you people eat with forks? Damn it..." Greed broke the sticks and cursed, he sent decorum to hell and slurped the ramen down.
"Sometimes I think that Gluttony and you switched personalities...I'm also surprised how you aren't fatter than him..." Ling commented, sighing at Greed's pig behavior.
Greed wiped his mouth clean and smirked cockily, "Heh, unlike the lazy-ass prince, I train to keep fit! What do you think how I keep these abs tight an' sexy? It ain't no magic I can tell ya that much," Greed grinned like the devil himself as Lan Fan blushed behind her mask, thankfully for the protective shield it brought.
"Well, I train too Greed!" Ling argued, crossing his arms like a scolded child.
"Oh yeah? When? You either, sleep, eat, steal other people's food, rob all restaurants of their stock, annoy the living shit outta the Elrics or sleep. When exactly do YOU train Your Highness?" Greed mocked him, sticking his tongue out as he slapped his knee and laughed at the sour face Ling was making.
"I train whenever you aren't watching! You forget we don't share the same body anymore!" Ling scoffed.
"Wait and why do all your descriptions of my daily activities involve me eating or stealing food?!" Ling barked, steam coming out of his ears as the gang went to move forward again.
"Because the first thing you did when you came to Amestris was pretending not to speak their language and talking like a fucking psychopath and eating all their food without payin'! I think you're Gluttony's long lost twin!" Greed crossed his arms, grinning.
"He has a point there young master..." Fu added, chuckling at the bickering of the two young men.
"Atta man Fu," Greed grinned, lifting his thumb up towards Fu who only shook his head at them.
"Um... ?" Mei asked with a bright blush.
"Yeah kid?" Greed asked her calmly, walking forward.
"Um...I...well I..." she stuttered, tripping over her words, not knowing how to phrase it.
"Just spit it out kid, I ain't getting younger down here," Greed roughly stated.
"I-I-I have to p-pee!" Mei confessed with a bright blush.
All hell broke loose.
"WHAT IN THE FUCKING SHI-?! GET THE HELL OFF MY HEAD?! PEE ON THE SAND NOT ON MY HEAD! IF I EVEN FEEL A FREAKING DROP YOU'RE RUNNING ALL THE WAY BACK TO XING YOU LITTLE RUNT!" Greed was holding Mei at arms length away from his face, running around like a madman as if she were an infant who needed her diapers be changed.
"Um...Mr. Greed? You can let me down now..." Xiao Mei rolled his eyes, climbing down Mei's arm and biting Greed's unprotected hand to let Mei go.
"OW! DAMN IT! DAMN THAT PANDA! LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM!" Greed cursed loudly, immediately lunging for the panda but he swiftly jumped away from Greed's prying fingers.
Ling landed on top of the Homunculus with a loud crash, "Greed! You are NOT chasing after a panda! LET THE POOR SOUL REST!" Ling pulled at Greed's hair, similar to his own, Greed kicked Ling's back with the back of his foot and propelled the prince off his back.
"You know what?! I don't need to kill that panda! You're enough!" Greed lunged then at Ling, Fu just watched the whole charade with wide eyes.
Lan Fan was covering Mei Chang as she...did her business a few feet away from the arguing men, holding a blanket up to shield her entirely. Xiao Mei slipped beneath the blanket to join his master's side again on her shoulder.
"Children these days..." Fu shook his head.
Eheh...that was that...sorry for the major amount of randomness here Lily o.o I just felt like writing something funny...I hope it's good nonetheless!