Six Months Later: Spring 2008

I think it is not dying that you're afraid of; it's living.

Frank heard these words in his mind over and over ever since he and Valentina had parted ways. He caught himself checking his wrist every now and then to make sure he wasn't still wearing the explosive bracelet. He sometimes woke up to the sound of it screaming on his wrist, indicating he had seconds left to live, and he would be soaked with sweat. He was pretty sure he was losing his damn mind.

Now, he was washing his car and thinking of how his home had yet again been demolished after his friend crashed through it with his vehicle. Tarconi was letting him stay at his place until it was fixed, but Frank didn't really want to go back there even if it was. He wanted to go to New York.

"I think your car gets a shower more than you do," Tarconi joked as he came out with a coffee for Frank. He set it down on the bench carefully. "What is on your mind, Frank? You're only out here if something is bothering you."

Frank stopped the hose and looked at Tarconi with a serious expression.

"You let another one go," Tarconi said softly. "Would that be what you're thinking about?"

"I let her go because she made me realize I want the one I pushed away," Frank answered. It was true. Valentina had tried to coerce him into having sex with her when they had a moment of peace from being chased, but he couldn't do it. It had made him share about Emily, and that's when she told him he was afraid of living, which was exactly right. She told him to go after Emily, which was what he was seriously considering doing.

"Emily," Tarconi nodded. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go see her," Frank replied. "I'm going to tell her I've been an idiot and take back everything I said and ask for a second chance. I'm going to retire."

"Retire?" Tarconi repeated, looking surprised at this. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Hallelujah!" Tarconi cheered, clapping his hands together. "You've finally come to your senses!"

"I didn't realize you thought I had no senses," Frank commented.

"You can't stand there and tell me that your job isn't crazy, that you keep almost dying because of the trouble you get into over delivering packages or 'packages,'" Tarconi finished with air quotes. "Go live your life, Frank, far away from crime. I will miss you, but I'm always here. I can always visit you wherever you are. Go. Have some fun."

Frank didn't reply and went back to washing his car. He felt nervous, knowing he was going to see Emily soon. Would she still be angry at him? Would she tell him to leave? He knew he had no right to impose on her after what he'd done, but it was worth a try. He had to try.

Three Days Later

Emily was bouncing her legs up and down at her desk as she waited for Jenny to come back. She had to pee, and no one in their right mind left the phones unattended for any length of time unless they wanted to get shot. She had no idea why she was even still doing this job, but she couldn't deny that she loved the fashion world. If this was what she had to do to get where she needed to be, then so be it. Andy had done it, so Emily could do it too.

"I'm so sorry!" Jenny gasped, coming through the doorway. "I got stuck behind this woman who literally counted every cent she put out three times and then tried to talk to me about every grandchild she had. I could barely get away!"

Emily was already out of her chair like a spring loaded booby trap and was rushing to the bathroom. After splashing her face and checking everything was still together, she went back to her desk. Jenny was furiously typing, so Emily started back on her phone calls.

"You're going out with Sean later right?" Jenny asked.

"Is my love life any of your concern?" Emily snapped, annoyed. Jenny was constantly trying to connect with her. It was getting a bit ridiculous.

"I hope you have fun," Jenny smiled without missing a beat. Emily's sharpness or rudeness always went right over her head. She surmised that Jenny must have an older sister to be so good at it.

She just didn't like anyone asking about Sean. She'd met him just shy of a month after returning to New York at a bar of all places. She had still been sore from missing Frank, but Sean was so nice and funny and gave her the idea that she really could move on. He'd been understanding that she'd been hurt and let things progress at a nice pace. Now, they spent a lot of time together, and she had a sneaking suspicion he was going to propose to her. She wasn't sure if she'd say yes if he did.

"Oh, it's raining," Jenny complained, sighing. "I forgot my umbrella."

Emily had too, but she wasn't going to complain. It was just water. When the end of the day came, Emily packed up and left. Jenny was to wait for The Book, which Emily was relieved she no longer had to do. It was a tedious job, not to mention a long one.

She went to meet Sean for dinner and had a lovely evening. He was always interested in what she did that day for work. She tried to be interested in his. Accounting just didn't have much interesting things going on, but sometimes he had a funny story about a co-worker.

They'd said goodnight at the restaurant, and Emily went home in a cab. She got wet on the way to her apartment because the driver couldn't get a parking space close enough. She was smiling and feeling giddy about Sean when the elevator brought her to her floor. She stepped out and headed for her apartment, and that's when she saw Frank Martin sitting on the floor beside the door, arms resting on his knees and a backpack beside him. She halted in her tracks, making him notice her and get to his feet quickly.

"Frank," she said rather dumbly. "What...what are you doing here?"

"Hi," he said. He sounded nervous. She wondered why he sounded nervous. What was his intent for this visit? She stood there like an idiot with her keys in her hand until someone walked by and jolted her from her trance-like state. She opened her apartment door and gestured for him to come inside. Once they were on the other side of the door and it was shut, Emily stared at him once more.

"I know it's very out of the blue," Frank started.

"Extremely," she agreed.

"I know you are probably still mad at me..."

"I was, but I got over it," she interrupted. "Frank..."

"Just let me, please," he stopped her. "I came here to say something, and I need to say it regardless of the outcome."

"Okay," she nodded. A part of her was dreading what he was going to say. The other part felt this was what she'd been dying to hear ever since they'd parted ways.

"I got scared," Frank began. "Not because of what you could potentially do to me but because of what could happen to you if you were associated with me. Seeing you in the line of fire so many times made that a huge reality for me. Then there is the part of me that's negative and tells me all the time what a crappy person I am..."

"Frank," Emily said, a note of surprise and empathy in her tone.

"I need to finish," he said, holding his finger up.

"Okay."

"I made the decision to let you go based on those facts. I also made the decision because I thought I would be okay without you in my life, and I've learned that I'm not all right. I'm so far from all right. I had some close calls myself recently, and it's been pointed out to me that I'm afraid of living, not dying. I've realized this is true. I am afraid of living because what if I screw it up? What if I can't be the normal guy who can have a wife and kids? What if I'm the guy who is destined to do what I do forever? I just never tried so I'd never have to find out, but now I want to try." He stepped closer to her, and she didn't stop him. She knew she should. She thought about Sean. When Frank's hands were cupping her face, though, she couldn't think of anyone but Frank.

"I want to try with you," he said, searching her eyes. "I know I have no right to ask after all this time, but...do you still want to be with me?"

"Frank," she whispered. Without waiting for her answer, he kissed her, and she let him until she knew she had to stop it. He wore a slightly hurt expression when she pushed him back.

"I'm sorry," he said, recovering. "That was really forward of me. I shouldn't have..."

"No, you shouldn't have," she agreed. She hugged herself with one arm while resting her other hand on her face. She'd forgotten how good Frank's kiss was. It had stunned her for a moment until she remembered Sean. Out of instinct, she looked at the photo of the two of them on her fridge. Frank turned his head to look as well, and she watched him deflate in front of her.

"You've met someone," he noted.

"I have."

"Right," he nodded slowly. "Of course. I'm really sorry, Em. I'm sorry." He picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. He had to get out of there suddenly. He felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I wish you had called," Emily said.

"I wish a lot of things," Frank said ruefully. "It was good seeing you again. I really do wish you all the best, Em."

Emily felt like crying as he walked to the door and pulled it open. He gave her one last look with a sad smile before going out and shutting him behind him.

Days Later

With nowhere to really go, Frank decided to hang out in New York and get his bearings. He needed to make a new plan for his life now, and it didn't involve returning to France. He wasn't going to lie and say his heart wasn't broken from losing Emily forever. He kicked himself every day for being so stupid and letting her go six months ago. How could he have thought that she would have just waited for him? How crazy was he? He briefly thought of going back to her apartment and fighting for her, but he didn't want to hurt her or complicate her life. If she didn't want to be with him anymore, he had to accept it.

"More coffee, handsome?" his waitress asked. She was in her sixties but very fit for her age.

"Thanks, Carol," he smiled. She flashed him a grin back and topped him up before moving on. He was planning out his day when the door opened and Emily herself walked in with a man who could only be her new boyfriend. He stiffened in surprise. In such a large city, he hadn't expected her to show up at this place.

He examined the new man. He was an inch taller than Emily with dirty blonde hair trimmed neatly. He clearly worked out, and he clearly worked somewhere professional as he was in a dress shirt and vest with black jeans. They seemed happy together. Emily was laughing at something he was saying, and it stabbed his heart a little more to see it. Neither of them saw him sitting there, so he didn't move. How could he compete with this guy anyway? Frank was a soldier, a hardened man. This guy was normal. He pushed paper around (Frank was guessing). He had a regular routine. The more he watched, the more he knew Emily was right to move on, even though that pained him to accept. He went back to his newspaper, doing his best to pretend he blended in with the background.

...

"So," Sean was saying. "You, me, and a weekend getaway."

"A what now?" Emily asked, distracted by trying to find change for the staff standing in front of her. She'd gotten Miranda's breakfast and coffee as well as hers and Jenny's. Emily wasn't completely an ass towards the other girl. If she just let her guard down, they could be friends almost.

"A weekend getaway," Sean repeated. "You know, a holiday?"

"Me and holidays have a history," Emily reminded him.

"This is only for two days," Sean insisted. "I've got a friend with a cabin on a lake, and he said anytime I want it, I can use it. It'll be fun!"

"It's not even June," Emily pointed out.

"We can look at the lake. We don't have to swim," he chuckled.

"Oh, shoot," Emily said, dropping her bag and losing her change. She bent to pick it up, and Sean helped as well. Feeling flustered, she stood back up and handed over the rest to the staff member and put her bag back around behind her shoulder.

"Say yes," Sean wheedled. "Please?"

"Oh all right," Emily caved. "Fine. Let me see if I'm not working."

"Great," Sean beamed, kissing her. Emily tried not to notice how it did not ignite her quite the same way Frank's kiss had. It was something she'd noticed from the beginning, but she had been under the impression she couldn't have Frank, so she had pushed on knowing she couldn't compare everyone else to him.

But then he'd shown up a few days ago and kissed her again, and it was all she was thinking about since. She couldn't believe he'd come there with hopes that she'd be waiting for him. She couldn't believe that she was with someone else now and couldn't say yes, not that she would have (she wasn't sure about this). She looked at Sean. She liked him. She did. It could work, and it probably would work. He seemed to really care about her.

"Ahem," the other staff member coughed, making her pull away from Sean and reach for her order. This was when a man walked in wearing a mask and holding a gun and shouted that he wanted all the money in the register. Emily stood frozen on the spot, unsure of what was going to happen next.

...

Frank was on his feet as soon as the masked gunman started hollering. He could tell the man was an amateur by the way the gun itself looked and by the pitch of his voice as he yelled. He didn't care if Emily saw him or not. He wasn't about to let this thief get away. As the staff behind the counter shrieked and panicked (one kept their head and was yanking the bills from the till), Frank approached from behind. He didn't fail to notice that the new boyfriend was hiding behind Emily, who just now saw him.

Frank had one hand on the man's arm holding the gun and his other arm around the man's neck in seconds. He bent the man's arm in such a way that he couldn't fire the gun, and the man choked at the pressure from Frank's arm around his neck.

"Not today, bud," Frank said in his ear. "Why don't you put down the squirt gun and call it good, huh?"

"It's...not..." the gunman tried.

"Trust me when I say I know my way around guns," Frank interrupted. "And yours is a fake." He twisted the man's arm so that he dropped the gun, and it clattered on the floor the way plastic would. "You wanna try that again?"

The gunman shook his head, and Frank released him a little so he could breathe. Then Frank maneuvered him so that he was on his stomach on the ground with his hands behind him. Carol came and offered him her silk scarf from her neck, and he took it and secured the man's hands behind him. People were clapping and cheering now, but Frank didn't want any of it. A policeman rushed inside after a moment, and Frank stepped aside to let him deal with the thief. He looked to see the boyfriend hugging Emily tightly. He moved away, smiling and nodding at those who tried to congratulate him. He didn't want the attention. He left Carol a big tip and grabbed his coat, disappearing into the crowd outside.

...

Emily was in a daze all day. She had been shocked to see Frank there and even more shocked to find out the gunman was holding a squirt gun. A toy. And here she'd thought her life was possibly over yet again. She had not missed the fact that Sean had ducked to hide behind her, using her like a human shield. This was a bit startling to her. She hadn't realized he wouldn't be able to look out for her if there was danger. She never thought that would be something important to her until she'd met Frank, who always had looked out for her since day one.

"Emily?" Jenny asked, breaking into her thoughts. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Emily answered absently. She hadn't told Jenny about what happened. She didn't want to relive it. For the rest of the day, though, she couldn't stop thinking about Frank.