...Don't ask...this has been one of my more random one shots . I regret nothing!

ANSWERS TO REVIEWS:

Daughterofapollo12345: Hm...yeah maybe, then again on some websites, those extra chapters aren't shown sometimes so yeah..I don't know maybe its that. :P But I'll search it!

Inspiration: Sitting at home and suffering from tooth ache because of my braces really gets your random fantasy going...

Threats and Innuendos

Looks like I can get you on your knees after all! – Roy Mustang

Riza glared in mild mortification at none other than Roy Mustang, who seemed to shrink back into his seat, "Was that in the script?"

"Would I have said it had it not been in the script?!" Roy barked at her, feeling mortified.

Lust crossed her arms, "Well, that certainly seems interesting," her smirk was nothing less than provocative.

"Oh god..." Roy buried his face in his hands and the two women smirked and high fived.

Sounds like a cautionary tale about guns... – Edward Elric

Winry's eye twitched in annoyance, wrench in hand and at the ready as the nervous looking Edward Elric sweated buckets beside her.

"...I got overwhelmed okay?" Ed defended himself lamely, rubbing at his face and groaning.

"...Eating your sandwich in peace?!" Winry growled at the lame excuse for being in her room as shown in the current episode.

"...There were strangers with guns all over the place! Your room was the only empty one!" Ed raised his hands in self defense when Winry lifted her wrench and whacked him upside the head with it.

Come on, this is a contest of freaks! And I'm as normal as they come! – Maes Hughes

Hughes sat with one leg propped over the other, nodding his head vigorously at hearing his own voice sound from the TV, "That's right folks!" he shouted for good measure, causing his best friend to roll his eyes.

"Hughes...you could have at least covered us with firearms..." he deadpanned, causing Hughes to look at him incredulously.

"Why I never-! Firearms?! And you think tiny, little round balls made of lead and puny metal have a chance at winning against crazy monsters? You're insane!" he huffed, crossing his arms and sulking like a child.

Roy sighed, shaking his head in exasperation.

Tch, you're kindness in a can. – Edward Elric

Alphonse had tears running down his face as he heard those rare, kind words leaving his brother's mouth, "Oh brother!" he flung himself at the stunned blond, causing the elder Elric to try and pry him off.

"Knock it off Al!" he whined, sighing loudly when his brother started hugging and cuddling him.

My right hand is the judgment of god! - Scar

Edward and Alphonse burst into hysterical laughter at the sentence they heard on TV, clutching at their stomachs while the dark skinned man behind them could only glare in irritation at the laughing teens.

"Just what is so funny?" Scar's eye twitched in annoyance.

Ed slapped his knee, laughing and wheezing, "Oh man, that was great! Did you hear that Al? Judgment of god! Ha! More like path of destruction!" he fell on his back, in time to evade the swipe of a massive, tattooed hand aimed for his head just as Scar wanted to bash him.

Okay, here's the plan, we go in, start hitting people and see where it takes us. – Maes Hughes

Both Roy and Riza stared at Hughes, who pretended to read the newspaper.

Several moments passed and Hughes gave the two a quick glance, "...What?" he dropped the newspaper altogether to stare at them, "...back then I thought it to be the best plan to take..."

Silence.

"...Nobody had a better plan than me!" Hughes whined.

Silence.

"Alright, alright, next time Hawkeye does the planning, I get it!" Hughes huffed and crossed his arms, turning around. Roy and Riza shared a look, before shaking their heads at their friend.

Would ya look at that? That's the same tub I took a bath in! Now it's your turn daddy! - Greed

He felt all the stares from all angles and Greed tried to ignore them until he finally barked at all of them, "Would ya close your gaping mouths and stop staring at me?! It seemed cool before I got almost fried by molten hot lava – again!" he bristled, crossing his arms and huffing.

"Oh Greed..." Ed shook his head, sighing.

Sometimes, he overdid it with the "cool" phrases.

Hey! Thanks for saving my ass back there! - Greed

I wasn't saving your ass, I was saving the body of the young lord! - Fu

Well, it's the same ass! - Greed

Both Greed and Fu refused to look at each-other, opting instead to stare grumpily at opposite sides of the wall.

Lan Fan blinked in astonishment and curiosity, looking between the two men and replaying the scene again and again.

Even a piece of garbage has its pride. – Roy Mustang

"Truer words have never been spoken," Ed clapped Mustang on the back grinning widely, "Especially if it's about yourself!" Ed quickly evaded the small flicker of flame aimed his way, narrowly missing it as Mustang shot to his feet and attempted to commit murder.

That may look funny in his documents later on...the Führer killing a insolent little brat...huh...

Don't get too serious or your makeup will be ruined, madam. – Roy Mustang

Grumman snickered and patted Roy's shoulder, "I've never gotten over the fact you giving me makeup tips Roy," he laughed at the semi embarrassed, semi mortified expression on the youth's face as he buried his face in his hands.

"Please...let's never speak of this again," he raised his head ever so slowly, "Not to mention seeing you in women's clothing...not ever again,"

Grumman only laughed.

ALL FEMALE OFFICERS WILL BE REQUIRED TO WEAR TINY MINISKIRTS! – Roy Mustang

You're a miracle Mustang! I'll follow you for the rest of my life! – Jean Havoc

Riza sighed again, watching the familiar scene playing on the TV, Roy and Havoc currently holding hands and crying from beside her on the couch.

She stood up, ignoring the two bawling grown men, smiling at the scorched navy blue miniskirt deposited in the trash can, now all but a pile of ashes.

Sometimes, being the wife of the Führer and a Flame Alchemist had its advantages.

Well...I can see how she tricked you so easily, you've always been a sucker for big boobs – Roy

I CAN'T HELP IT! I LOVE 'EM! – Havoc

Riza didn't even bother being in the same room with those two anymore, deciding to seek refugee with Alphonse and drinking her coffee peacefully as she quietly observed how Winry beat the life out of the two grown men.

Ed grinned almost sadistically, wishing he still had his automail arm as he cracked his knuckles, "Heh, she's always been faster with that wrench of hers," he grinned.

"I thought you shared his preferences Edward," Riza commented rather bluntly causing the young man to splutter and nearly stumble over himself.

"W-WHAT?!" his mortified shout echoed through the hallways of the State Military while Riza smiled to herself.

Ohhh now the Colonel is scared of big bad Scar! That's a surprise considering how USELESS you were against him! Huehuehue – Alligator Ed

THAT WASN'T MY FAULT, IT WAS RAINING THAT DAY! – Tyrannosaurus Roy

Was it raining when you got beat up and sent to the hospital? You're still useless! – Alligator Ed

Riza sighed, "That time, I wished I was paid extra for babysitting..." she shook her head.

Roy froze, burying his face in his hands, "How preposterous...humiliated...by a little pipsqueak Alchemist-"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SMALL CHARCOAL?!" Ed alias "Alligator Edward Elric" came storming in like a raging bull, sending a barrage of punches and kicks towards the startled man.

Riza observed the bickering duo and sighed again, "I still wish I was paid more..."

Alphonse nodded sadly.

Greetings Edward Elric, when I heard you were in the hospital OF COURSE I CAME OVER! Just as I have suspected, you're in desperate need of my assistance! You need the example of a perfect physical specimen to inspire your recovery! You see? You're looking lively already! – Alex Armstrong

WILL YOU GET OUT?! – Ed

Ed deadpanned with a shadow covering his eyes, "I wish I had been transferred to another hospital..."

Alex wiped a tear away with his tissue at the comment, the sparkles crying with him.

Hughes sighed and leaned in closer to Roy to whisper in his ear, "I knew we should have strengthened the security..."

Roy smirked.

You didn't drink your milk... – Winry Rockbell

Why should I? I hate it. – Ed

You're going to be in this small state forever if you keep using that stupid excuse! – Winry

SHUT UP! I don't have to drink it if I don't want to! – Ed

Winry glared evilly at her husband, who turned his head with a sour expression on his face, sweat beginning to bead at his forehead.

"I recall Hohen didn't drink his milk today either..." she began and Ed's sweating grew worse.

"Gee...I really don't know why, that little rascal huh..." Ed felt her getting closer.

A sudden blinding but very familiar pain crashed into his skull, it was the wrench, "STOP RAISING OUR SON TO DETEST MILK AND STAY SMALL LIKE YOU!"

"I'M TALLER THAN YOU, YOU AUTOMAIL FREAK!" Ed roared, waving a fist at his headstrong wife who only kept glaring daggers at him.

So, we meet again ya little bastard. I'm not gonna drink you. – Ed

Silence – Milk

Ed growled, "Tch...stupid milk...thinking it's so much better than me..."

"Brother...milk can't talk...it's an inanimate object..." Alphonse slowly explained, feeling worried for his brother's sanity.

"I know that Al! It just pisses me off!" Ed crossed his arms stubbornly, turning off the TV in irritation.

ARGGHHHAAHH! CONVENIENTLY AWAKENED TELEPATHIC POWERS! – Ed

Disturbed silence. – Ling

ELRIC BROTHER TELEPATHYYY! ARGGHHHHAAA! – Ed

...Yeah, good luck with that. – Ling

Alphonse stared at his brother, "You tried to reach me with...telepathic powers?"

Ed crossed his arms and stuck his lower lip out, "...I thought it would work...that's why they're called convenient telepathic powers..."

"Yeah...I think his antenna broke back there..." Ling commented, scratching at his head exasperatedly.

The last thing I'm gonna do is start crying for you now, water makes you useless. – Riza

Roy stared grumpily at his wife, who dismissed it with calmly reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.

Black Hayate whined and nuzzled Roy's leg in sympathy.

Yo, Ed my boy! Is it true you brought a pretty blonde girl in the room to service you? – Hughes

S-She's my automail mechanic, that's all and nothing more! – Ed

Oh, I see, so you seduced your mechanic have you? – Hughes

Red faced Edward glared at gleeful Hughes, "...You're a perverted old fool,"

Hughes grinned widely, "Ah, no, no I'm afraid not, I had been right haven't I?" he winked.

Ed exploded, "SHE SEDUCED ME-!" a wrench came crashing against his skull painfully, sending him sprawling into a bloodied mess on the floor.

Hughes scratched the back of his neck nervously when he saw a murderous-looking Winry standing in the hallway, looking like she was out for blood.

The end for now! Following up is a Royai fic! :)