Believe Again: Time Machine

It felt like you had stepped through a time machine.

You had lived in this area for years, going through the same routine every single day. Evening had begun to set in, and you were walking down the path through the park back home as you always did. Passing by the playground with the same children playing in the sandbox, walking past the same few elderly couples out on a walk, hearing the familiar chattering of teenagers out and about, and spotting the same people on their way home just like you were.

This had been your routine for years, and this evening felt just like any other. Normal. Average. A little mundane, but you had long become used to it.

There wasn't a single step missing as you traveled down the same road you had done for years. Nothing seemed to have changed. After all, the sky was still right above your head, the earth was still firm beneath your feet, and the air was still, well, in the air.

Nothing seemed to have changed, but...

But.

Things had changed. Something like a dream had come and gone, like the ghost of a whisper that had grazed the shell of your ear and disappeared into the air. Now you walked with an added heaviness, a heart of lead weighing on your chest, your steps no longer as light. Now your eyes would wander, drawn to the color red, drawn to a bench in a quiet corner of the park, drawn to the dripping ice cream that others had in their hands.

And now, you couldn't remember how it felt like to smile.

It was like you had stepped into a time machine, one that brought you back to your normal, mundane life of the past, while left with memories of what once was, and broken hopes of what could have been.

A sigh escaped your parted lips as you raised your head to gaze up at the sky. It was blue. Very blue.

But that was it. It was just... blue.

The sky just wasn't the same anymore, you decided. Or maybe you just couldn't see the beauty in it any longer. Not without a master sky-watcher by your side, his eyes filled with emotions as he observed every detail, every little wisp of white, every blend and swirl of rich tones in the sky.

Your old sky had fallen, and now, everything had changed.

Or rather, things were now back to how they were. And according to him at least, this was how it should have stayed all along.

"...that will fade in time. You will see."

"I can't see it," you whispered, eyes sweeping across the deep blue sky. The clouds had disappeared, just like he had. Gone, with only traces of memories scattered all over this place. This place where only the both of you existed.

Biting down on your lip, you took a long breath as you felt a lump begin to form in your throat and your vision begin to blur with moisture. You were starting to get used to this too.

Clenching your hands into fists, you continued determinedly down the path, not sparing the bench another glance. If a time machine really did exist, you wished you could skip ahead to when your heart was healed and when you could finally forget about him.

And yet, a small part of you also wished you could go back in time, to a past you didn't know of, and fix things from there.

Saeyoung pressed his lips into a thin line as he looked at the closed door. It may as well have been a part of the wall, considering it had been ages since it was last opened.

Raising a fist, he rapped lightly on the door twice. "Hey."

There was no response. Not even a "Go away" now. Worry dusted over his features, the skin on his forehead crinkling as he pushed the door open.

"Saeran?" he called, as he peeked his head through the open door and took half a step in. For a moment panic seized him at the thought that he wouldn't find Saeran in his room, but he emitted a small breath of relief when he noted the figure lying on the bed by the wall, his blanket and sheets messy beneath his body.

There was a grunt this time, and then Saeran shifted so he was facing the wall, allowing Saeyoung only a view of his back.

The older twin quietly closed the door behind him and went to sit on the swivel chair by his desk. A plate of untouched chocolate chip cookies sat on the table surface, the sweet smell still permeating the air. A frown appeared on his face as he glanced over at his unresponsive brother once more. Saeran had never been able to resist MC's chocolate chip cookies, and MC had made them specially for him to try cheering him up. It seemed not even appealing to his sweet tooth would work this time.

"Hey, wanna hear a joke? Why did the cookie go to the doctor?" Saeyoung began, trying to sound as lighthearted as possible.

He paused for a bit, waiting for Saeran to demand him to shut up or leave his room, but nothing. So he continued, "Because he was feeling crummy!"

Silence. Not a word was uttered for his bad joke. (And even the joke master himself thought it was bad today.)

"Tough crowd," he muttered, before heaving a sigh and deciding to try another method.

"Saeran, you've been like this for days. MC and I are worried about you."

"Well, don't be." Saeran's voice was ragged, voice hoarse, as if rusty from lack of use. "Just leave me alone."

"No," Saeyoung replied firmly. He had complied and left Saeran alone the past couple of times he sat in here to try getting him to open up, but he couldn't possibly allow this to carry on forever. Saeran was his brother, his family, and if he was hurting, which he clearly was, then Saeyoung would everything he could to make it better.

"What happened between you and her, exactly? You two have been fine for the past few months. What changed?" There wasn't a point in beating about the bush any longer. But Saeyoung knew he was treading a dangerous line when Saeran raised a fist to half-heartedly slam his pale knuckles against the wall.

"Shit happened. I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, you should. You can't keep things bottled up inside forever, no matter how much you think you can, or want to," Saeyoung replied, his eyes softening. "You think you can handle it, but what you don't realize is that it's like a worm that eats away at you, slowly killing you from the inside. And then one day you'll reach your breaking point. I was this close to getting there, and I would have lost myself eventually if it weren't for MC back then."

There was a long exhale then, and Saeyoung waited for his brother to consider his words. He watched patiently as the younger twin slowly shifted his position so he was sitting up, body still turned slightly towards the wall. But at least now, Saeyoung could see his face. A frown seemed permanently etched on his features, and strands of his red hair was sticking out at odd angles. Both of them tended to get terrible bed heads. Saeran ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it up further in frustration as he let out a groan.

"Is there a way to erase your emotions completely? So you don't feel anything?" Saeran asked numbly.

Saeyoung arched a brow and gave a dramatic gasp. "Don't tell me... You want to become a corporate heir too?"

His brother rolled his eyes. "Right. I forgot about that guy."

"Jumin is a special kind of robot. Maybe one day if we get to inspect him thoroughly we'll get to find a couple screws in his skin," Saeyoung grinned. "But you know, even Jumin isn't completely immune to feeling things."

"I know." Saeran's voice had an edge to it, and Saeyoung knew he was recalling the time when he had first met Jumin. That had been shortly after V's funeral, when everyone's wounds had still been fresh, and especially so for the usually stoic man.

In short, the two of them hadn't exactly gotten off to the best start. Jumin had attempted to be civil, though it hadn't quite worked out, and Saeran had left within ten minutes, much to the dismay of the others.

The two of them were better now, and they could share a decent conversation as long as the others were around, but Saeyoung could tell that their first meeting was still a sore spot for him.

"So what are you feeling?" Saeyoung asked. "It's got something to do with her, right?"

"...Maybe."

"You like her, don't you?"

Saeran groaned, grabbing a spare pillow lying by his side and crashing it over his head. "No. Yes. I don't know, maybe. This is so embarrassing. Why am I talking about this with you?"

"Because I have the most successful love life out of everyone in the RFA," the bespectacled redhead replied smugly.

Saeran grunted in response to that, unable to come up with a decent retort to that point. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's impossible between us."

"Does she know?" Saeyoung inquired in a quieter voice now. "About you?"

Saeran shrugged. "She doesn't believe it."

"That's understandable." She was just a normal girl, after all. She wouldn't even begin to be able to imagine the things that he and Saeran had been through. MC was special — she had been able to face his past and background head on. Not many people could do that, and maybe he had thought wrong about the girl, about whether she could really accept Saeran for who he was, despite the shadows of his past.

"But you know," Saeyoung began, "it doesn't mean that it's impossible between the both of you. Look at MC and I! We're happy now, aren't we? Maybe she'll need some time, but I can tell she likes you a lot. You should be able to tell that much yourself."

"Not everyone can get a happy ending like you and MC," Saeran replied, sadness clouding his eyes. "I'm different. I just... can't. She deserves someone better."

Oh... That sounded all too familiar to him. An ache of the past began to well up in his chest, memories of the time when he had adopted that stone cold, stoic attitude towards MC. Those painful moments in which he pushed her away and said terrible, hurtful things to her surfaced in his mind again.

Looking at his brother now, he couldn't help but think that they really were twins in far too many aspects, and he wasn't sure that it was a good thing exactly.

They had both been through hell and come back, wounded and scarred from their war-filled childhood and adolescence. Traces and memories of those harrowing times were burned into their minds and skin, the times when death had come just a hair's breath away from them, when their sanity had hung by a little thread, when their hearts had been broken so many times that only fragments remained.

All of that was what made it difficult to trust, to believe.

And above all, to love.

Because love made you vulnerable. And vulnerable was dangerous. Vulnerable meant plans could go wrong with the snap of a finger. It made calculations, the math — everything — pointless.

To go from trusting numbers to trusting people was a huge risk to take. A stupid one, even. And Saeyoung had been there. He had been scared once, scared of falling in love with someone else, and when that had happened anyway, he had been scared of letting her love him back too.

Because he wasn't normal. He was anything but. And to allow MC to put herself in great danger, to risk her life for someone like him just made no sense. It was simple math. It just wasn't worth it. She didn't deserve to be with someone like him; he wasn't worth it.

Perhaps Saeran thought the same way. And maybe that was why he was doing the same: pushing that girl away, determined to break things off with her for good.

"I don't think I've told you about how MC and I started out," Saeyoung began. His brother shook his head slightly. Disinterest remained on his face, but he didn't make any protest, so Saeyoung took that as a good sign to continue.

"I thought she was cute. I had to keep an eye on her through the CCTV, and it felt kind of strange getting to know someone without them knowing you. But I guess that's just how hackers work in general." He chuckled a little humorlessly at that. Old times. Not really good times, but just. Times. "She was really fun in the chatrooms. She was the only one who appreciated my excellent sense of humor, the only one who would play along with me. And she didn't pry. Most people do, but she didn't. There was a distance I was determined to keep, and she understood that.

"I'm not sure when I started developing feelings for her, but when I did realize, it was at the worst possible time. Being in an apartment with her was too much. She was constantly trying to get closer, trying to break down the wall I built around myself. She didn't know what it meant to be with someone like me: a hacker, a dangerous person." Saeyoung noted the downward flick of Saeran's gaze; this had struck a chord with him. So his intuition wasn't wrong, after all. "And so I kept pushing her away. I said terrible things to her, called her stupid of all things, thinking that I was protecting her."

Damn. This was making him emotional again. He hated thinking about that time when he had acted that way around MC. If he could go back in time, he would do things differently and treated her the way she deserved to be treated. With respect and with kindness, the things that she had only given to him since the beginning.

Swallowing thickly and clearing his throat, Saeyoung continued on. "That's what we do best. We keep people out, first to protect ourselves, and when we can't protect ourselves from them anymore, we try to protect them from us. It's... it's shit, really." There wasn't any other word to describe it. "And as it turns out, yes, MC would definitely have been far safer away from me than with me. She wouldn't have been taken to Mint Eye with us and gotten hurt. But," he added, "whenever we look back on that, MC says that she doesn't regret going through any of it. She doesn't regret meeting me, meeting you, meeting Vanderwood, or going through a terrifying life-and-death experience. She wouldn't want to do that ever again, but she said that she's happy because at the end of it, she found a family. With us."

"MC is just MC," Saeran stated, which Saeyoung couldn't argue with.

"True. MC is one of a kind," he said with a loving smile. "She's a miracle. I don't think any other girl would have been able to stand a second longer of being next to me."

"It applies to every other person."

"Oh!" Saeyoung clutched his chest. "You wound me so!"

"Shut up. Why are you telling me all this, anyway? Your anniversary isn't for a few months. If you want to rehearse your sappy lines for her, do it in the mirror."

"I want you to hear this, Saeran, because you deserve to find your own happiness," the older twin explained. "I'm not sure exactly what's stopping you from being with a girl who clearly likes you back. But I have a feeling it's something similar to my own experience with MC. You're pushing her away, for some reason. Maybe you're scared, and it's your first time, so being scared is understandable. Or maybe it's something else. I don't know. Point is, don't be so quick to close the door on her. I've seen her, and from what I can tell, she's about as stubborn as MC is."

"I guess," Saeran allowed reluctantly.

"If she's as stubborn as that, then I think she will stay by your side, whether you want her there or not. She just might be the miracle to you that MC was to me."

Saeran let out a sigh, his brows knitted in frustration. "I don't know... I can't. I just can't."

"Think carefully about this one more time," Saeyoung encouraged, "You only come across a girl like that once in your lifetime. Don't let her slip away like that."

Having said his piece, Saeyoung stood from the chair, and after a moment's consideration, he stepped over to his brother and ruffled his hair.

His hand was promptly slapped away as his brother made sounds of protest, and he laughed. "You'll be fine, Saeran. Trust me."

"You're the person I trust the least," the feisty man scowled.

"Then I guess we need to be spending more time together to build that love— Oof!"

Withdrawing his fist from his brother's abdomen, Saeran turned away, facing the wall once more. "You talk too much."

"I know," Saeyoung laughed, rubbing at the sore spot on his stomach now. "Hey, if you're not going to eat those cookies, I'll take them."

"Touch those cookies and you die."

"Okay, I won't, geez," he muttered with a pout. "Think about it, alright?" he asked over his shoulder as he opened the door.

"Fine," was his brother's annoyed reply before he closed the door behind him.

MC let out a yawn as she exited the toilet and entered the bedroom. There, she found her husband's figure at the desk, hunched over and staring at his computer like he used to. She raised a brow, noting the frown on his face, and was about to ask him what was going on when she heard a voice from the computer.

"Vanderwood?" she called, catching the attention of the redhead immediately. He swiveled around to meet her gaze, and the frown on his face let up just a little, eyes softening when he met her gaze. "MC," he called.

"MC's there?" Vanderwood asked through the video messenger that they were using.

With a raised brow, she crossed the room to the desk, making sure her face could be seen through the webcam. "What's with the late-night bonding session?"

"She's on to us and our secret romance, Miss Vanderwood!" Saeyoung gasped, which had Vanderwood rolling his eyes and threatening to shut off the messenger right that instant. There was a brief exchange of pleasantries, since she hadn't spoke with him in a long while, but he had to cut it short to get down to business.

"I'll get straight to the point. The situation isn't looking good," Vanderwood spoke, and it didn't take long for MC to register what he was referring to exactly.

"What do you mean?" she pressed, eyes darting to Saeyoung's, only to find that his frown was back again.

"We tracked the coordinates of the places that the escapee seems to have been visiting, according to the various witnesses we've talked to. He's getting closer here."

"But there shouldn't be a way for him to find out where we live, right?" MC asked.

"There shouldn't," Saeyoung said grimly. "But there should also be no way for a 17-year-old to break out of a boy's home on his own without any help."

"So you're saying that... there could be more?"

"It's likely," Vanderwood confirmed. "There are a lot of things we can't be certain of. For one thing, how far did Rika manage to spread her religious crap? We don't know if it managed to reach people elsewhere who didn't join her cult physically. There's no way of knowing if we tracked all her followers down, either."

"Then... What does this mean?"

"We're trying to find out what we can now," Vanderwood replied. "We've also got that rich heir of yours in the loop. We've got him pulling strings in the background now, and Saeyoung is going to up the security for all the RFA members just in case."

"In the meantime, we'll play the waiting game," Saeyoung added. "See what moves they make next. We're still not sure what they plan to do."

"As of now, I think the three of us and Saeran are in the most danger," Vanderwood said. "The followers know how we look like, and Saeran was branded a traitor by them. We're not sure about their motives: if they plan to just flee the country, or if they're planning on revenge."

"If it's the latter, we'll have to be ready," MC finished for them both. "Is there anything I can do?"

"The most important thing you should do is to be safe," Saeyoung instructed, taking her hand and squeezing it in his. "Don't go out too much. Not until all this is over."

She stared into his eyes that were filled with pain and vexation. They had thought that things had already ended with Rika's leaving and V's death, but it seemed there was more in store for them.

Their fight wasn't over yet, it seemed.

"Yeah. I just called to update you about things. I'll leave the rest to you, Saeyoung. I should leave now. Can't talk for too long. I'll keep in touch," Vanderwood said, and the couple said their farewells before he speedily ended the call.

Silence hung over them for a while, with Saeyoung not meeting her gaze. He only held on to her hand, unable to speak. She didn't really know what to say either. The whole Mint Eye saga had caused nothing but pain for this family. MC could feel herself growing anxious as her mind roamed wild, recalling the harrowing moments that she had been through. Fears of having Saeyoung or Saeran in danger again spiked in her chest. She couldn't have that again. She just couldn't. She would go insane if she had to deal with something like that a second time.

"I'm sorry," Saeyoung muttered then, breaking the silence. He pulled her towards him, resting his forehead against her abdomen as he hugged her.

"It's not your fault. Don't be sorry," she sighed, running her fingers idly through his hair. He was always apologizing, this man.

"I hate all this," he admitted, voice vibrating through her clothes. "I thought it was all over, but now..." He pulled away slightly to meet her gaze. "I don't want you to be in danger again. I promised I wouldn't put you through something like that ever again."

"I know," she replied, cupping his cheek with one hand. "I'm scared that something will happen to you or Saeran too. I can't lose either of you, not to mention, I nearly lost you the other time..."

His hand came up to rest over the hand she had placed on his cheek, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze, offering her a smile. "I won't leave your side. I promise. I've got a family now, I have things I need to protect."

"You'd better," she murmured, knowing how self-sacrificing this man could be. "We've already been through hell, so we'll get through this too."

"Yeah, we will," Saeyoung smiled. This time it reached his eyes, and it prompted her lips to curve upwards as well. "I guess this means late nights up again," he laughed wryly. "I should go stock up on PhD Pepper and Honey Buddha Chips again."

"Oh no, we are not having that." MC rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "If you stay up, I stay up with you."

"No, you'll need to rest," Saeyoung protested.

"And you don't?" she shot back. "I'll stay up with you. Two heads are better than one, right? And I'll be able to get you healthier snacks that won't shorten your lifespan. We still need to grow old together, you know. And that won't happen if you keep wrecking your body like that."

There was no arguing with her once she used this tone, and she knew it. MC watched smugly as the fight vanished from his eyes and he shook his head, wordlessly agreeing with her.

"You are a handful, you know that?" he asked, pulling a chuckle from her.

"Yeah, I do," she retorted, childishly sticking her tongue out at him. "But that's what you love about me."

He emitted a small breath of laughter. "Yeah. I love you more than life itself. And I won't let anything happen to you. Or Saeran."

"I know you won't," MC smiled, bending down to press a kiss to his forehead. "We'll do this one step at a time."

"Together?"

"Together."

A/N: It. Is. 4.45am. And I finally got this done! :D

(I have a performance today I'm going to show up half dead LOL.)

Thanks for reading! :)