Believe Again: Falling Apart

Saeran smirked triumphantly as he leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms behind his back. This was an easy win.

"Re-match! Re-match! I know I'll win the next round!" the blond in the chair next to him demanded hotly. Clearly, he wasn't too happy with being relegated to third best gamer in the RFA.

"No, you won't," Saeran shot back, which only served to provoke Yoosung further. He scanned the time on the clock, and was surprised to find that it was already nearly 6pm. "Crap. I'm supposed to help MC out with dinner tonight. Gotta go."

"What? So soon? But I'm not done with you yet!"

"Don't you have a paper due tomorrow?" Saeran questioned, cocking his eyebrow at the college student. The youngest RFA member could only smile sheepishly at that. Saeran ignored his feeble attempts at excuses to play a little more, and went to grab his phone and wallet from the table.

"Hmph, fine... I'll beat you next time for sure!" Yoosung huffed, standing up to show his friend to the door.

Saeran offered him a smile that seemed almost pitiful and mocking. "Good luck with that."

"We'll see," Yoosung retorted, determination burning in his eyes. He puffed out his cheeks once more, folding his arms across his chest. "Well, at least you look like you're feeling better now."

Saeran raised a brow at the remark. "What do you mean?"

Yoosung offered him a smile, patting him on the back. "You've been so distracted on the messenger lately, and when you came over today you looked like you had a lot of things on your mind. Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." Saeran lied, aware that he wasn't doing a convincing job of it as his thoughts began to trail elsewhere. "I'm fine."

Yoosung frowned, clearly not believing his words, but thankfully he didn't press the issue further. "If you need anything, just let me know, okay? I'll always be ready to listen, and I may not be the best person to give advice about girls or love, but I'll do my best to cheer you up anyway!"

Disgruntled, the redhead opened his mouth in protest. "It's not about—"

"Yeah right," his friend cut in rather wryly. "Don't lie to me. I haven't forgotten what Saeyoung-hyung said to us about your girlfriend a while back, you know. I don't know what else could get you so distracted even while gaming."

"You of all people should know that Saeyoung is not to be trusted," Saeran muttered with a roll of his eyes. He secretly hoped that his usual poker face would work on the trusting student.

"True... But you've been acting really weird recently too," he commented, appearing a little reluctant to let this slide.

With a sigh, the redhead stepped ahead of his friend towards the open door. "It's nothing much."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he lied. "Anyways, I'm going now. Remember to get that paper done."

"I will, don't nag at me," Yoosung said with a pout as he waved his friend off.

Saeran leaned back in the comfortable leather seat of the car — Saeyoung's car —and closed his eyes while listening to the low, steady rumble of the engine. For the past week he had been coming over to Yoosung's place almost every day to game, which the college student more than welcomed in spite of his busy schedule and the workload he had to catch up on. It served as a much-needed distraction from his thoughts, although the respite never lasted for more than ten minutes after leaving.

Just like now.

Saeran shook his head and glared at the steering wheel, as if that would scare his train of thought into submission and keep it from straying towards her for once. With a resigned sigh, he drove off and turned on the radio to make up for the silence and to give himself something else to focus on while driving.

The music drifted into the background while Saeran made his way out of the car park. He was a little dismayed to find that the traffic was quite heavy when he got to the main road, but he should have expected it. It was 6.30pm on a Friday evening after all.

A detour it is then... Saeran exited the lane heading for the highway and came to a stop at the next traffic junction. Hastily, he grabbed his phone, thinking to drop MC a text to let her know that he would be a little delayed before the light turned green.

But just as he reached for his phone that was lying on the seat next to him, something — or rather, someone — caught his eye.

It was on the opposite street to his right. Not many people were passing through; this area was generally less busy, and hence traffic flow was better. There were still people going to and fro, mostly office workers and a couple of students heading home after a long day.

And in the middle of all that, there was just one lone figure, still and standing next to the entrance of a small alley.

He wasn't sure why a random stranger like that would catch his eye. He couldn't even see his face closely from where he was. Not to mention, the boy in question had the hood of his big grey jacket up, as well as a clinical mask covering his nose and mouth. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary; he was merely using his phone, oblivious to the passers-by around him, as if waiting for someone.

An inexplicable, ominous feeling began to stir in his gut however, one that formed knots in his stomach. With a frown, and his phone forgotten, Saeran leaned closer to the right and squinted his eyes a little to get a better look. He still couldn't catch a glimpse of the boy's downcast eyes, but one thing struck him as peculiar and caught his attention almost immediately.

The boy had his weight resting on one leg that was slightly bent, while his other foot was curled around the corner of the wall of the alley entrance, an unusual posture that was earning him a couple of sideways glances from the middle-aged women walking past him.

It seemed almost familiar somehow, uncomfortably so. Saeran was certain that he knew someone who had a similar habit, but the name...

Realization struck him like a hard slap to the face, and he swiftly turned away to avoid being seen, even though it would be quite difficult for him to be seen from this distance and through the tinted glass windows of the car.

It can't be... Sejun?

Saeran suddenly felt sick to his stomach, and a wave of nausea swept through him. But just as he could take another look at the boy, a loud honk startled him out of his thoughts, causing him to snap his attention back to the road, where the light had already turned green.

Coming back to his senses, he quickly stepped down on the accelerator to move off.

This... This made no sense at all. Last he remembered, Sejun was sent to a boys' home after the whole mess back then. He couldn't possibly be out here, roaming the streets freely. This had to be a mistake, or a mere trick of his eyes.

Before long, Saeran found himself panting a little too hard, and he had to stop by the side of the road as soon as he could to compose himself, lest he got into a car accident without even realizing. As he focused on taking deeper breaths and slowing down his heart rate, he attempted to convince himself that what he saw had been a mistake. There was simply no other explanation for it.

But then, something told him that the suffocating sense of dread in his chest was more than just simple paranoia.

All he took was two steps into the kitchen, and MC was already on to him.

"Saeran, is everything alright? Did something happen to you?" she asked worriedly, nearly dropping the spatula in her hand in the process.

"Nothing's wrong," he replied quickly. A little too quickly.

"You said you'd be home an hour ago, and your face is so pale," she pointed out, putting her hand on her waist while the other continued frying the vegetables in the pan. "Are you sick? Do you need some water? You should go lie down for a bit."

"I'm just tired," he lied, turning the other way so she would stop trying to look for more tell-tale signs in his face that would belie his words. "Sorry I was late."

"It's fine, Saeyoung is still preoccupied with work so I have more time to cook dinner. That said, you're on dinner duty tomorrow to make up for today. Okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he muttered heading over to the counter to pour himself a glass of water. "Do you need any help?"

"I'm almost done, so could you help to set up the table and get Saeyoung out for dinner?"

He gave a hum in response and went about fetching bowls and cutlery and scooping rice into each bowl. Once that was done, he headed over to Saeyoung's room as requested.

The earlier sighting of Sejun lingered in Saeran's mind as he walked down the hallway. He contemplated telling Saeyoung about it, to see if he would be able to check in on Sejun's status back at the boys' home. Saeyoung would be able to hack into the boys' home computer system quite easily, and get his hand on a couple of reports if need be.

Saeran breathed out a heavy sigh. Sejun... It had been a while since he last saw the younger boy. Saeran still remembered the day Sejun was officially accepted into Mint Eye, and ordered to train under him. He would never forget the hollowness he saw in the boy's eyes back then, emptiness just like the one he carried in his own body. Sejun's face came to mind, along with the green highlights that had been added to his dark brown hair, and the fresh Mint Eye tattoo that he showed off proudly on his chest, right over his heart.

Perhaps it was because he saw so much of himself in Sejun, that Saeran had gladly accepted him, welcomed him warmly to the new family that Mint Eye was to him that Luciel never was, and took care to make sure that Sejun put the Savior's interests above all else, including his own life. Such was the life and devotion expected of anyone who desired Paradise.

But ever since the incident with Mint Eye, he could never find the heart to visit Sejun in the boys' home. He often wondered how Sejun was doing over the past few months, but never went to find out for himself.

All because he was a coward.

Saeran raked his fingers through his hair, twisting his lips wryly. Then there was the matter that Sejun might no longer be in the boys' home, and for whatever reason that was, he intended to check it out himself first. Hopefully he had just made a mistake. He couldn't be a hundred percent sure that the guy he saw was in fact, Sejun, after all. It would be a better idea to confirm the basic facts before bringing it up to Saeyoung and MC. It would be worse to make them worry for nothing.

They worried far too much about him as it were... especially when it came to her.

...And there his thoughts went again. Back to the audio message, and back to the dilemma that had been tormenting him for the past week.

It was a constant battle with the same question: where do we go from here? And Saeran had no answer. The clouds wouldn't tell him a thing, as usual.

He released another heavy sigh, shaking his head as if to physically shake his thoughts away. Just stop thinking. He could think about it after dinner. Or after waking up the next morning.

Or ideally, never.

He came to a stop outside Saeyoung's door that was left ajar, and was about to knock and call him out for dinner when he heard a voice in the room that certainly did not belong to the older man.

"...worse than we thought it was. How's the hacking going?"

Hacking? Saeran frowned. Saeyoung had wanted nothing more to do with hacking after everything that had happened. Why was he back at it now?

"It's difficult," he heard Saeyoung mutter with a sigh. "A lot of the data was either erased or damaged back then and I'm not sure how much we can recover. And it's hard to not leave a trace since everything is with the police now."

"Just try to get it done as soon as possible. I'm pretty sure Mint Eye's revival will be furthering the plans that Rika had before."

Mint Eye.

Saeran's blood ran cold at the painfully familiar name. No. It couldn't be. Mint Eye was over and done with, that witch had been sent somewhere else, and now—

"What about Sejun?" Saeyoung asked, the name stealing the air from Saeran's lungs. "Have you tracked him down yet?"

"Don't remind me," the other man replied with a small groan. "I think he or one of his friends noticed the tracking device, and they deliberately threw us off their tracks by leading us somewhere else. So we haven't found their hideout yet. Not sure how many followers are with them either."

"Lighten up, Miss Vanderwood. You look prettier when you're smiling," Saeyoung joked, though troubled edge to his voice failed to escape Saeran's notice.

The younger twin however, couldn't pay attention to the rest of their exchange, his mind reeling with all this new information.

Saeyoung knew. All this time, he had known. Something about Mint Eye coming back, about Sejun having escaped, and hacking... How much more had Saeyoung not told him? What was going on, and why didn't Saeyoung say anything about this before? If it was Mint Eye, he could help. Saeran would do anything to destroy it, and watch it burn to the ground till there wasn't a single trace of it left. Let all the lies and false promises and hopes stacked on it vanish from the face of this earth.

So why? Why didn't hyung say anything? Why did he have to keep him in the dark, just like last time?

Confusion slowly dissolved into something far more corrosive. With his fists clenched, his eyes burning holes into the ground, he waited. Waited for Saeyoung to end his conversation with Vanderwood, realize that it was already time for dinner, and open the door.

The older man gasped a little dramatically to cover up for his visible flinch when he came face to face with his brother the moment he opened the door.

"S-Saeran ah... You gave me a scare. What are you doing here?"

Saeran didn't answer. All he did was turn his glare onto his brother, and he watched as Saeyoung's expression slowly morphed into one of concern and puzzlement. "Saeran, what's wron—"

"What were you doing just now?" One more chance... He'd give him just one more.

"A-Ah... Nothing much," Saeyoung replied, pushing his glasses up his nose and smiling. "I was just watching some videos online. The little kitties are so cute, but none of them can match up to Elly—"

"I don't want to hear it." Saeran cut in, setting his jaw impatiently. Saeyoung must have sensed something was wrong, for he reached a hand out to rest on the younger twin's shoulder, which the man promptly shrugged off, as if burned by the contact.

"Saeran," he began hesitantly, "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

He couldn't bring himself to say anything as he searched his brother's golden eyes, searching for something — anything — that might tell him the truth. But all he found was the usual worry, the fatigue and the sadness.

"You... haven't changed at all," the younger man stated. His tongue felt heavy, and with each syllable he felt his chest tighten till it felt suffocating.

"What do you mean?" his brother asked, and Saeran wanted nothing more than to wipe that innocent expression off his face. He was always like this. Acting like the noble one, taking everything on his shoulders, thinking he could protect the entire world on his own.

Because that made him faultless, and a victim of misunderstanding; the better twin.

"Saeran," Saeyoung reached out his hand once more, only to be rejected again when Saeran turned away defiantly. "Look, if there's anything wrong, talk to me about it. You know you can trust me, and I'll always be here to listen to you."

Saeran couldn't help but scoff at that. "Talk to you? Trust you?" Venom dripped from every word he spat out. "Do you even know what you're saying?"

"Saeran—"

"When we were kids, I trusted you. I talked to you about everything. You were the one person I could depend on for help. You said that we had to stick together and rely on each other no matter what, because in this world we only had each other to count on, no one else."

"Yes, I remember—"

"But ask yourself this: did you ever, for a single moment, trust me?" Saeran practically shouted. The hot tears that began blurring his vision failed to help douse the flames of his ire in any way.

Satisfaction lasted only for a moment at Saeyoung's speechlessness. "Saeran, it's not what you think."

"Since back then, you never told me anything," he continued. "You always said that I should leave things to you and you promised that you would take care of everything and get us both out of that hell hole and far away from that wretched woman. But you never told me about your plans to leave the house or to become a hacker for that agency, you never trusted me enough to tell me more about what you were learning in secret. Did you think that I would give you away? That I would ruin your plans somehow? Was I a burden to you?"

"No, no! It's nothing like that!" Saeyoung exclaimed, eyes turning glossy with moisture. "You've got it all wrong. You were never a burden to me, you're my brother! Don't you understand that?"

"But I was the weaker one nonetheless," Saeran rambled on, words tasting bitter on his tongue. "So you couldn't depend on me for anything. You had to do it all on your own, while I had to wait for you at home like a fucking damsel in distress. Even now it's the same. There's shit happening with Mint Eye and Sehun is out there and you haven't said a single word about it to me. Why?"

A moment of stunned silence passed. "...You heard everything?" Saeyoung asked in a quiet whisper.

"I heard enough to know that you haven't changed at all," Saeran answered, gritting his teeth, as a single tear that he could no longer hold back fell down his cheek. "You don't trust me. You never did."

"Saeran, please," Saeyoung grabbed hold of his arm tightly, and he couldn't shake himself free from the grip easily. "Let's talk to this out. This is all just one big misunderstanding—"

"Save it!" With a loud cry he grabbed his brother by the collar and slammed him against the wall, pulling a groan past his lips. But Saeran was too consumed by his fury to bother with that. "I don't want to hear any more lies or half-truths. I don't want to hear anything from you any longer. I—"

His voice cracked, and he swallowed the thick, painful lump that formed in his throat as he watched the tears spill over his brother's eyes. His only brother. His only family.

The only one who could hurt him like this.

It felt like a knife was being driven into his chest. It hurt. It really did.

It hurt a lot to know that his one and only brother didn't trust him. That the only person whom he counted on his whole life thought he was too weak to be of any help.

I... don't want to trust someone who doesn't trust me back.

Eventually, he released Saeyoung's shirt. He didn't want to stay to hear Saeyoung's excuses, or possibly more lies from him. So ignoring the calls of his name, Saeran turned around, ready to storm out of the house when he froze in his tracks, realizing that MC was standing there in the middle of the hallway. She was still wearing her apron, though instead of the carefree smile she had been wearing earlier, her mouth was pressed into a thin line.

Her lips parted to speak, but no words came out. All she did was stare quietly at the both of them, her eyes filled with sorrow.

Saeran averted his eyes from hers and continued heading down the hallway, determined to leave the house no matter how she might try to convince him otherwise.

But just as he passed her, she spoke. Just five words, but enough to show that she understood.

"Don't come back too late... please."

He wasn't sure he intended to come back at all, or at least, not until tomorrow. Even if it was MC requesting, he wasn't in the mood.

Nevertheless, he gave her a curt nod, and then promptly headed for the door and stepped out, slamming the door close behind him.

A/N: Thanks for reading so far and for all your sweet comments the previous chapter. I hope you liked this one too, even though there was no Saeran-Reader interaction eheheh. You'll see them in the next chapter. I think. :P

See you soon!