A/N: Hey everyone! Next chapter coming up! It's an idea from the Requests list, please enjoy!
NEXT CHAPTER: Next chapter will be titled "Attack on Homunculus" a crossover with FMA:B and Attack on Titan (published here AND separately)!
QUESTION: A friend suggested I compose "Write My Life", it's similar to "Draw my Life" but only in written form, what do you think? OR my idea was to write a "Write My Life" of another character (for example from the FMA fandom instead of myself ^^ since I'm not that interesting lol).
Warning: Pride/Selim is OOC here, Greed may be just a bit OOC! You've been warned! Randomness ahead!
Homunculi in Love
"So, have anything to do after school?" the younger Mustang asked him curiously as they walked in the direction towards home.
The young man with short dark haired hummed thoughtfully, "Nothing in particular, I think. Though I thought to visit the Fullmetal Alchemist today, it's been a while after all," he smiled slightly, remembering at a time back when his greatest dream of meeting and befriending the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric personally became true.
It had come as a surprise, especially since he learned his mother actually knew him too. They almost behaved like old friends, smiling and talking. Selim often wondered how it came to that, but his mother would only offer a secretive if not a slightly pained smile and a distant look in her eyes whenever he asked.
He hadn't asked again after that, he never asked about his father, the late Führer King Bradley anymore as well. Everyone had accepted he had died a tragical death caught up in war and so had he.
Ren rose an eyebrow, "Oh, cool. Hey, would you mind getting his autograph for me? That guy is a legend!" his eyes sparkled and Selim sighed, a small smile on his face.
"...I could ask, but he doesn't like giving out autographs much," he had to chuckle at that, "Wait...your father and him are friends...he's practically your uncle...just why...?" Ren huffed, crossing his arms.
"It was just a question, jeez..." Selim couldn't help but shake his head, sighing.
"Selim!" a familiar feminine voice cried out from behind the two teenage boys and Selim had to smile at who he saw was running towards them.
"Eileen!" he waved her over, fighting down the grin threatening to take over his features.
The girl came to a stop just in front of him, smiling, "Hey Selim, I was uh...wondering if you've got time after school?" she smiled impishly.
Selim didn't miss a beat, "Sure,"
His friend guffawed, pointing an accusing finger at him, "Liar!"
Eileen glanced questioningly at the older male, before smirking, "Jealous, Mustang?" she stuck her tongue at him and Selim had to cover his laugh.
Ren's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, "Excuse me? Don't go hogging Selim all to yourself, you know? Ugh, man, I didn't even start on my aiming lessons, mom is gonna kill me!" his expression was one of agony as he ran his hands down his face.
Selim rose an eyebrow, "Why do you need me for your aiming lessons? Ask Greed," he deadpanned, slightly amused at his friend's agony.
Renier frowned, "I can't...uncle Greed's too busy spoiling Emi and Ava...and auntie Lena...and your shadows make for excellent targets!" he shot his best friend his best puppy eyes, "Please?"
Selim sighed heavily, shooting a apologetic look at Eileen, she nodded, smiling, "Don't worry about it, we can...meet up later?" she grinned.
Selim felt a tug at his heart but he ignored it, nodding back at her.
The glare he gave Ren sent shivers down his spine that spoke of the horrible things that would await him as soon as Eileen was out of sight.
"Oh, I see, sorry for holding up your date there but you won't see me tomorrow because mom will fry me alive once she finds out I didn't do my homework!" he pouted comically.
Selim sighed heavily, "...From all those stories I heard from auntie Riza...you're definitely the son of the Führer..." he rolled his eyes, one of his shadows slapping Ren's legs for punishment.
"I saw that!" the enraged shout made Selim grin.
Greed's expression bordered on downright amusement, "The great Pride, oldest, shittiest brat to ever walk the earth, is asking me for dating advice? How the mighty have fallen, eh big bro?" Greed laughed, running a hand down his face at Pride's sour expression.
Lena suddenly whacked him on the head, "Greed! Stop laughing at your brother and help him!" she shot Pride a apologetic look.
Making a split second decision, Pride turned to Lena, "...Do you have the time?"
The woman wasted no time in shooing her husband out, ordering him to make them both tea and send them some cookies, she ignored the grumblings and complains.
"I'm sorry Pride, he can be such an ASS SOMETIMES," she shouted the last part so her husband heard it, Lena focused back on the task at hand after hearing a displeased growl sounding from the kitchen, "How can I help?" she asked seriously, eyes trained on him.
The teenaged boy sighed, doubt washing over him at coming to this house but then again who should he ask? The Elrics were away for a impromptu delivery in Rush Valley, he wouldn't be caught dead asking former legendary womanizer and current Führer for dating advice and the Emperor from Xing was well...in Xing...
"I have a meeting with Eileen in an hour and-" before he could finish his sentence, Lena's grin grew wide.
"Eileen? That sweet little girl? Wait a second, isn't she Kimblee's daughter?" casting a quick glance at the kitchen, Lena shouted, "Greed! Do you know if Kimblee's daughter's name is Eileen?"
There was a moment of silence, before Greed roared the answer back, "Eileen? Yeah, that's the runt from the nut job!" followed by a lower sounding, "Can't believe the guy's gotten laid..."
Ignoring this, Lena turned her focus back on Pride, "Alright, continue," she smiled sweetly.
"...I have a meeting with Eileen in an hour but I haven't familiarized myself with human customs concerning...courtship and the like," his purple eyes flashed, "Well, I haven't had the pleasure of interacting with the opposite gender aside from tearing them apart with my shadows centuries ago really..."
Lena shivered at the mental image, before she cleared her throat, "Right...just make sure you don't use your shadows on her or Kimblee will have your head. Homunculi or not, he can and will kill you," she sounded serious, too serious, before her face broke into a smile, "Right, back on the problem again,"
Pride hid his face in his hands, "So you're saying you don't know how to approach a girl romantically and how to go from there, correct?" Pride nodded.
"Greed!" Lena called for her husband, whose head popped up from the corner, "Come here!"
The former Homunculus frowned, "Oi, oi, I'm preparing your tea woman!" he huffed in annoyance but obeyed, shooting her a questioning gaze.
"The tea can wait sweetheart! Right now, this troubled soul needs our help!" resting her hands on her hips she motioned toward Pride, the Homunculus felt about ready to be swallowed up by the earth and never to be spat out again.
Greed groaned, "I have a bad feeling about this..."
Lena shook her head, "Nonsense! Now let's show Pride how to approach a girl," Lena was completely serious, "Alright, you'll be the girl-"
Greed interrupted her before it came to the worst, "Shouldn't you be the girl?" his eyebrows shot to his hairline, not liking where this was going.
Lena sighed, "...Fine," she looked down at Pride, "Anyway, first off let's show Pride how you courted me,"
Greed snickered at that and moved close to his wife, devious, devil may care smirk on his lips, "Alright runt, first off, when the girl attempts to murder you, try to act innocent and don't provoke her. The worst thing you can do is try making flirty passes at her so-"
Lena's face burned, "No, no, no! Don't tell him how our first meeting went!" her ears were burning by this point.
Greed grinned, "What? But I thought you wanted me to tell him how I finally won you over,"
Lena sighed, "...Just to be clear, me saving you from a angry mob of villagers and accusing you falsely of groping me in a sewer was not how you 'won me over'," Pride's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, "Anyway," turning her attention back to Pride, "It took a lot of time, but eventually I learned he wasn't such a bad guy, despite being what he had been back then," her smile grew soft, "He was...actually pretty cool, a bit of a jerk, but he had a heart of gold beneath all that carbon he covered himself with," she giggled, "Imagine my surprise when, after being completely exhausted and injured from a fight with Gluttony, he came knocking at my door with half wilted flowers in one hand, food in his other and asked if we could trash talk about you lot..." she wiped a imaginary tear from her eyes, "That...had also been the day I lost my virginity to him," she sniffled, blushing.
Pride's eyes widened, feeling the overwhelmingly strong urge to flee until Lena suddenly laughed, waving it off, "Nah, don't worry that hadn't been the night," for a moment, she looked uncertain, looking at Greed, "...right?"
Greed shot her a dirty look, "...Want me to refresh your memory?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Lena slapped his arm.
"Ahem...I remember now. Nope, that hadn't been it. Anyway, all the important parts you need to remember is always be a gentleman to her," she counted off on her fingers, "Let her make her own decisions but ask for her opinion, don't pressure her into doing things she may dislike, try to do something that will be fun for the both of you and there are no "rules" on dates really." She shrugged, "You just do what you like and what's fun for you. You don't need to rush things too, you guys are still young...well you're still physically young and just because it's your first date with a human doesn't mean you'll end up courting her later," she smiled warmly down at him.
Pride considered this, taking the bits and pieces of information that had been actually useful into account, he shot a look at Greed, "You deflowered her while she was injured?" his eyebrow rose, "You're not Lust and even she didn't have those tastes,"
Greed shouted in his ear comically," It was a joke!" he growled, "Besides, she wasn't Miss Innocent either," he huffed, narrowing his eyes.
Lena was right up in his face, "Now what's that supposed to mean, Greed?" she dared him to say the wrong thing.
Greed visibly struggled, "...I'm just saying we weren't innocent little kids when we had our relationship!" he mumbled under his breath, "...or anything that followed that either," she elbowed him none too gently.
And when Pride slipped away from the bickering couple's house, he kept asking himself when he had decided he was suicidal and swore to never set foot inside that house again.
"Hm...she's just a human after all...I imagine it's not so difficult going on these "dates"," Pride had lived for centuries, long enough to view how humans interacted with each-other, romantically or otherwise, but he had always considered such behavior far too below his status.
He wondered idly what happened to that status as he bid goodbye to his mother and made his way toward a fountain in Central where they agreed to meet for their 'date'.
...just because it's your first date with a human doesn't mean you'll end up courting her later...
"Hmm...I admit, her advice is praiseworthy once Greed doesn't taint her in his presence..." he sighed, "I pity her for her bad tastes in men though..." Pride straightened himself when he spotted a figure sitting by the fountain and he couldn't help the little smile from showing on his face.
"Hello Eileen, I hadn't imagined you to be so early for our meeting," he greeted politely, mentally patting himself on the back. That's how you greet your date, right?
He froze when the figure sitting behind the fountain suddenly rose, being much larger and taller than Eileen, easily the height of Greed or Roy Mustang.
The stranger in white smirked, a bloody smirk painted on a pale face with hardened, murderous violet eyes, "Oh, you know I hate to keep my guests waiting, Pride,"
Pride swallowed hard, fear enveloping him in a vice, "Kimblee?"
Kimblee smirked.
Alternate Ending:
Pride swallowed hard, fear enveloping him in a vice, "Kimblee?"
Kimblee smirked, "What? No flowers?" his eyes flashed.
That's the end for a random one shot! Look above at Author's Notes for the Question! Thank you! :)