A/N: Hello everyone! I'm glad to still be able to post one shots here more or less regularly, since I only have my internship to worry about atm as opposed to the usual homework stress. Well, I hope my one shots are still something worth reading for and wherever my dear readers are, that they have a really nice day! :)
Beware of pregnant women
"I don't think this is a good idea," Edward voiced his protest, holding the alchemy book protectively in front of his chest.
Winry rolled her eyes, "And why the hell not?" it wasn't often that Winry swore, in fact, she often reprimanded Edward, in the rare instances his tongue slipped, whenever he did it.
It had actually been a peaceful morning. Edward had been the same helpful, kind, supporting husband Winry appreciated, especially in her dire time of need while she was pregnant, and her hormones were raging out of control.
Speaking of hormones…
Winry seethed, curling her hands into shaking fists and giving her husband that stare of death that she seemed to have perfected ever since the swollen bump on her tummy became more pronounced.
"Because you're pregnant!" he was defensive, of course he was defensive, his wife's health was on the line!
"Edward, we hadn't had any time to ourselves since we learned I was pregnant and that was over five months ago!" the blond male swallowed audibly, sweating slightly when he saw a wrench was innocently resting on a small table within Winry's reach.
That little handy tool could quickly turn into a weapon of mass destruction should Edward not play his cards right.
"The doctor said to t-take it easy, Win," he lifted his hands placatingly in the air, hoping to soothe his wife's irritable mood.
It didn't work.
"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm celibate!" she growled, resolutely marching over to the couch on which Edward was sitting on and currently praying for his survival, "I feel like a cow, Edward! Ever since gaining weight and becoming pregnant we've stopped sleeping with each-other!"
Edward flushed, his mind racing a mile a minute, "B-b-but you're-"
"I know I'm pregnant you idiot but I'm still a woman with needs!" she fumed, looking like the harbinger of death herself with the way she was glaring at him.
Edward swallowed.
Winry promptly ripped the book from her husband's iron grip and sat herself on his lap, the terrified man letting out a yelp at the weight that settled on top of his shaking knees.
Her voice was a whine, "You've been ignoring me all the time, Ed," one of his worst fears had just come to life.
She was crying.
Because of him.
And all the things that stupid doctor had been scaring him about.
And nearly shitting his pants at the mere thought of intercourse with his wife and possibly in some way hurting their child.
He felt like an ass.
Gently, he hugged her, pulling her closer and soothingly rubbing her back and head, "Shh…I'm sorry Winry, I was just afraid to do anything until the baby was born because of all the things that doctor said," he sighed, continuing to rub his wife's back, "I'm sorry I ignored you, I know you're frustrated with everything that's going on and-"
He froze.
What the-
"W-Winry?!" he drew back, body and mind frozen in shock when his wife sported a very evil smile and her grip around a very…delicate part of him tightened.
"Is it because I'm fat?" his mind shut down, unable to really form any coherent thoughts except for the firm grip around his-
"W-What?!"
"Is that the reason why you don't want to sleep with me?" there were those teary eyes again.
"No, W-Winry I-" he froze, her grip tightening as if in warning.
Ed's brain turned to auto-pilot, "Hydrogen, Lithium, Beryllium, Sodium, Magnesium, Potassium-„
"Stop reciting the period table!"
"S-Stop molesting me!"
"Ling," said man practically bounced over to his wife.
"Yes, Lan-"
"Do we have noodles with ice cream?" watching in partly stunned, partly disgusted silence at his pregnant wife, Ling did a double take.
"…Noodles with what?" he didn't hear right…did he?
Ever since finding out they were pregnant, the royal couple couldn't have been more overjoyed and great celebration befell the kingdom of Xing, their friends visited them and celebrated too.
But now with the majority of the celebrations and feasts gone, Lan Fan's food cravings have turned…. interesting.
Fish with rice porridge and tomato sauce.
Chocolate with sour pickles and bitter oranges.
And that hadn't been the worst either.
Lan Fan rolled her eyes, seemingly annoyed.
Ah, yes…did he mention the uncharacteristic mood swings that had assaulted his normally collected, well-mannered, kind Lan Fan?
"Noodles with ice cream!" Ling drew back, legs shaking from the volume of her voice before another calamity ensued, "…Do we have more dumplings?"
Her near to obsessive cravings for dumplings!
Ling began to sweat, "I'm not sure if we still have any in stock since last time you ate more than your usual portions-"
He quickly shut his mouth.
Damn.
That had been the wrong thing to say.
Lan Fan seemingly remained calm, until all hell broke loose, "…Are you calling me fat, husband?"
Ling's eyes widened, "No, no, my dear, of course I don't-!"
Lan Fan's booming voice resonated across the spacious hall, "Guards!"
Immediately, two guards manifested stealthily at her side, guards Ling personally handpicked and stationed around and inside the palace to guard Lan Fan at all times.
Ling knew what would come next, "My husband seems unaware if we have dumplings, do you mind showing him the way?"
Knowing any kind of resistance was futile, Ling allowed himself to be dragged off by the two guards.
Once safely out of earshot of his wife, one of the guards dressed in black garb whispered ever so quietly to his Lord, "Apologies, my Lord,"
Ling huffed a stray strand of dark hair out of his eyes, "It's alright," he sighed heavily, "It'll only get worse,"
The other guard shivered visibly, "My Lord…do we have dumplings?"
Ling froze, still being dragged by the two men, "Send an urgent letter to Amestris immediately,"
Staring perplexingly at the letter in his hands, stamped as very important, Roy rubbed at his head.
"Dumplings?" he shook his head, trying to figure out of it was written in some form of code he didn't understand, "What could Ling possibly mean with 'dumplings'? He didn't tell me he had a new code!" he frowned, reaching for his phone to personally phone the Emperor of Xing before the door to his office slammed open.
He froze but quickly hid his nervousness behind a well-practiced mask of smoothness and charm, "Why hello my beautiful-"
"Where is the paperwork, Roy?" cool, hard eyes trained on him along with thunderous, hard steps which quickly and precisely rushed to his desk, the swollen stomach not at all preventing the deadly woman from appearing every bit the fierce and dangerous soldier she was before getting on maternity leave.
Roy's eyes widened when he noticed she had a gun drawn and the safety wasn't on, "A-Ah, R-Riza, so nice of you to visit me! Shouldn't you stay at home and rest? You know, the doctor said-"
Her hand slammed loudly on his large, mahogany desk, causing the poor man to flinch, the five stars on his uniform glistening in the light as he moved, "Where. Is. The. Paperwork?" her tone meant no funny business and he swallowed audibly.
"P-Paperwork? What paperwork?" he felt a feeling of dread fill him when Riza's gaze turned cutting.
"Havoc informed me of important files which had not been signed yet," her grip tightened on her gun and Roy discreetly tried touching the underside of his desk for reinforcements.
"H-Havoc? He must be uninformed! I've signed all and any documents which needed to be signed!" he laughed nervously, running a hand through his hair, "Have I told you how beautiful you looked today? You're absolutely glowing, dear,"
Riza wasn't amused.
Roy shivered.
"…I'll see you at home," Riza pocketed her gun, clicking the safety on and with all the grace a six-month pregnant woman could muster, walked toward the door.
Roy's stiff posture visibly sagged, and he breathed a sigh of relief.
Riza stopped, Roy's heart stopped.
"Roy…" her tone sounded cold, detached, threatening.
Trying to distract his increasingly dark thoughts of his own death through the hands of his wife with the thoughts of said wife in a mini skirt, Roy clasped his hands together on his desk calmly, "Yes?"
"Is that your paperwork on this desk?" he followed her line of sight and turned pale.
He heard a metallic click.
Shit.
Mei yawned loudly, stretching her arms and legs and stopping abruptly when she felt a small but audible kick, "Ohh…looks like you're getting impatient, hm?" she sighed, rubbing her swollen belly.
Then the door opened and a blur of gold and white rushed to her side, "Mei! Are you alright?! I heard you sigh!" Alphonse's eyes were comically wide with concern, gripping her smaller hands in his own and staring into her eyes, then at her stomach.
Mei smiled, blushing, "I'm fine, Alphonse, the baby just kicked a little," she rubbed her tummy again, "Seems like he can't wait to see the world," she smiled tenderly.
Alphonse was on overdrive, "Are you sure? Do you want to go see a doctor? I can call Marco for you! Are you in pain? Are you hungry? I can cook you something if you want, we have everything you ordered on the list! I can call Ling again and see if he still has anymore dumplings in stock if you want though," her husband was rambling, and Mei could practically see smoke coming out of his ears from all his excessive thinking and worrying.
She grasped his face with her hands and he stopped talking, staring at her in confusion, "I'm alright, Alphonse, really," a burst of excitement and sheer love for her husband suddenly filled her and she flung herself on her stunned husband, knowing he would catch her, "Oh I love you so much Alphonse!"
"Woah, M-Mei! Watch out, the baby!" Alphonse quickly steadied his pregnant wife, quickly standing up and falling on the soft bed, breathing a sigh of relief when his giddy wife was giggling on top of him.
He sighed, rubbing her back soothingly and enjoying the extra weight on top of him.
Kimblee's eyes widened, he adjusted the collar of his suit, trying to keep his composure, "Well, I suppose we could try to-"
His wife vehemently protested whatever suggestion he was about to bring up, instead waving her bare feet in his general direction and staring at him as if she were about to murder him, "Solf J. Kimblee, I'm pregnant with your child so the least I can expect from my husband is to massage my swollen, aching feet!" her tone was crisp and ferocious, and his ears rang from the volume.
With a sigh, he took off his hat and shed his white overcoat and vest, bunching up the sleeves of his white dress shirt and pushing the chair closer to his sitting wife, before he placed one of her feet on top of his knee and began to massage her foot with careful but firm, calculating strokes, alternating between firm circles and softer upward pushes with his thumbs.
She melted against the sofa and the thousands of cushions he had purchased for her comfort, all supporting her back and the noticeable bump that was her stomach.
Suddenly, her hand flew to her stomach and Kimblee's head shot up from his work on her feet, alert and high strung, before his wife waved her hand calmly and sighed, leaning back against the couch, "It's alright, the baby just kicked…rather violently," she gave a pointed look at her stomach, before soothingly stroking it.
Kimblee smirked, continuing with his task, "No wonder, the child is bound to inherit your aggressiveness, after all a mother's genes tend to be more dominant than the father's or so I've heard," he smirked when his wife crossed her arms and pouted.
"Actually, that depends, dear. Sometimes the mother's gene is dominant, other times not. It all depends on how the baby will develop and of course how strong our own genes will be passed on to it," she smiled at her husband softly and Kimblee felt something within his chest he previously only ever associated with his explosions.
A rush of excitement.
Adoration.
Maybe even love.
He smirked, working on her other foot now, kissing her wiggling toe affectionately, smelling of her shampoo from her earlier bath, she recoiled rather quickly, and he released a breathy chuckle.
"S-Solf! My feet are dirty!" her face was one of horror, but he soothed her fears by gently caressing her leg.
"We took a bath together not even an hour ago." He patted her wiggling foot and suddenly he stood, and his wife looked at him in confusion when he kneeled by her side.
"My previous philosophies seemed flawed," she listened to him attentively, knowing it must be important since it concerned something about his alchemy, "I only thought alchemy's greatest creation could be the magnificent explosions I was privileged to create. But it seems I was wrong," he caressed his wife's swollen tummy gently and a feeling of contentment filled her at the realization that he was referring to their unborn child.
After a long comfortable silence, his ever-teasing wife decided to speak, "... You've been spending time with Edward, haven't you?"
Kimblee frowned when his wife laughed.
Well, well, well, pregnancies can be tricky! ^^ Every review is appreciated so don't hesitate to spur on my motivation! :)