When Hope Turns Canerous

By

Lady Razeli

Chapter One

"How long has it been since you've been home?" Jack asked as he lit a cigarette. Regina leaned against the jeep next to him in matching tan shirt and shorts. They were currently on safari in Africa, showing their adopted daughter her roots. Well Ajani, was three, and they toured Africa at least once a year since she had joined their family after Regina had met her as a baby volunteering to help women file for asylum. She and Jack also had a son, Cyann, Regina had honestly been shocked to get pregnant, but had come to the conclusion that the curse wasn't in affect outside of Storybrooke. In the end it didn't matter, she was going to be a mother and no one was taking Cyann from her.

"Five years, now in all," Regina sighed.

"And you think your heart is doing fine?" Jack asked. Regina shrugged.

"As fine as can be expected out here, I'm well enough to travel that's all that matters." Jack nodded.

"Vivien doesn't agree, she says we can't trust Laura." Regina sighed.

"I know, but Laura's pretty fixated on babies though," Regina pointed out.

"That may be the case, but that could mean she'll neglect Cyann and Ajani if something happens to you. You know I can't be left alone with them." Regina let a breath out.

"I know," She whispered.

"So, fix your heart for them," He said.

"It's not that easy, to see Henry would be I dunno terrifying, and he can never be my son again, and I can't put myself in a position to hope that he will be. That kind of hope will turn black and spread like a cancer until it splits my heart in two."

"Maybe it won't, you have Cyann and Ajani now."

"Why are you even bringing this up now?" Regina asked him.

"I always bring it up when they let me out," Jack pointed out. "Don't spend your life around a guy with multiple personality disorder."

"I'm not, even if Laura hates me now for not getting pregnant again, and refuses to let Vivien or Claire have a romantic relationship with me anymore, doesn't mean you're not all my friends."

"Thank you for caring, but really l'm like an extra child and you know Caty loves to play with the children, and you did so great fighting your depression, I think you need to go home and make peace with everyone. Not because of the bad you did, but because you owe it to yourself, Henry, and those people to just settle debts in a non-lethal way."

"That's all those people know, they are sheep, and even though this world is better they still dream about going back there, and Henry he has no idea what it was like he always thought good he'll be a knight and a hero that life was so easy. He thought I controlled his life made choices for him, but wait until he and his rebel mother see what life is like there. I can't go back there and risk that they've found a way and that Cyann and Ajani will be swept back into that world."

"Some thing tells me you'd find away to get yourselves back here, from what you've told me to go back is maybe what they want, and they probably haven't bothered asking everyone. There must be children who would otherwise be dead without modern medicine, their parents would oppose such a thing. You would find allies in town I think, and what of the people who were loyal to you, not just scared of you?"

"What of them?" Regina asked.

"Are they happy to be here?" He asked.

"I wouldn't know, no one remembers that they were my guard, they had the happiest lives under the curse, so to be honest they shouldn't find anything lacking. I had plans to wake them if the masses turned violent here, but in the end I didn't do it. I let them live in peace, I gave them families happy families, I would not break that up by making them fight just for me."

"Then go back and stop those idiots from taking people that don't want to go to the Enchanted Forest. You know they will believe that as the sovereigns they can order people to go, People might not realize that they have a right now to say no." Regina groaned.

"For all I know they're already gone, you want me to go back and what play the hero, that's not really my style dear, Evil Queen and all." He chuckled.

"How could I forget the most famous Queen of all," He said.

"Infamous really," Regina told him. "I would have thought Maleficent was the most famous though."

"Depends on your general preference I think and I prefer the Queen," He said. "We should go in dinner should be starting soon. The kids will worry." Regina nodded. They were thirty feet from their tent and she had a good view of the kids playing hopscotch on the lines she had drew. Well Ajani was having a bit of trouble trying to hop on one foot. They walked over.

"Come on munchkins let's get our hands washed for dinner." They followed her to an area where they got cleaned up, and by the time they were in the tent she knew Jack was gone, and Caty was back. Caty was Jack's seven year old personality who loved meal times with the kids. She always played with her food instead of eating it until Regina got stern.

"Caty, no playing tonight I mean it, you can play back in the tent, but we need to eat." Regina gave her the same look she gave all her children. They didn't often eat in public after the mall incident, which meant vacations were hard since that didn't necessarily mean private dinners were available to them. Regina had no such luck as food went flying, she had to blame Cyann who sat next to Caty simply because they'd otherwise start a fight with him. No one would understand right away that this was no longer Jack. Regina was relieved when dinner was over and she had the three children inside the tent. She wrangled them all into their pajamas and there was lots of bed time stories with Caty being the most demanding and songs before Caty finally settled down to sleep with Ajani. Laura usually joined her in the mornings and she got upset if she wasn't cuddling Ajani on such a closer quarters vacation as she was still a baby if not an infant anymore. Cyann was more than happy to snuggle up to her.

"Mommy we see the rhinoceros tomorrow?" He asked yawning.

"Yup I think so my prince," Regina whispered. She waited to see if he'd say more, but he was out like a light. Soon she was out herself.

"Come on wake up guys," Regina said. It was nearly time for the next Safari of game animal viewing. She got them up and dressed. She was surprised to find Laura not present, but Claire, and Claire was just not a morning person. They offered a little refreshment, but not much since they would return for breakfast.

"Elephant!" Ajani cried out in excitement as she stood up in Regina's lap. She was bouncing in excitement as she watched the animals in absolute awe. Most girls played with ponies, Ajani wanted Elephants. Cyann however was all about seeing the Rhinoceros in person that year. He had fallen asleep last year for this part, and Ajani hadn't been old enough to really enjoy it. All too soon for the children the safari was over and it was time for breakfast. Claire finally got her coffee and she seemed more interested in what the children were saying.

"Mommy Claire, you feel better now?" Cyann asked always perceptive. She smiled at him and he smiled back before he dug into his eggs with ketchup. Regina hated that he ate it with ketchup, but that was Caty's fault he had the habit.

"After my morning coffee Cyann always," She told him. "So there was something in the brochure about spa treatment after Safari, I feel dirty."

"Yes, you and Cyann can go, Ajani won't sit through that, we'll check out of the tented area and do some shopping," Regina told her. Claire nodded.

"Oh just you wait Ajani, hopefully next year you have a bit more patience and Mommy and I can teach you just how lovely spas are." Cyann had always been great to go to a spa with them, but Ajani had cried on the several times they had went which always resulted in Regina leaving with her, because Laura was likely to surface, run away with Ajani, and maybe get an actual infant on the way now that she was getting older. Cyann was too old for Laura to want to try to dominate any of the other personalities. After breakfast Regina did the check out and took Ajani shopping.

"Mommy," Ajani said as she pointed to an elephant plushy. Regina chuckled and grabbed it. The look of delight on Ajani's face when she hugged it was all she needed to see to know it was worth buying. She met up again with a very refreshed and happy Claire and Cyann at lunch. She was little bit envious at how relaxed they both looked. Honestly Cyann couldn't stop talking about how great the massage was.

"Stop bragging Cyann, mommy's getting a little sad she missed out," Claire laughed. Cyann laughed too.

"It's okay mommy I give you a massage later." They laughed knowing Cyann's version of a massage was walking on her back once or twice, because he otherwise couldn't exert enough pressure. Sometimes it felt good and other times it was just doing nothing. They had a nice lunch and went for a swim before they were packed up and headed back to Johannesburg. They stayed in the city another day, before they were on a plane back home. Claire stayed with them for the remainder of the trip to her delight. She didn't think she could handle Caty on a plane again. She was always more freaked out than Cyann and Ajani. Claire however was perfectly happy on a plane, as she loved first class and the complimentary alcohol.

"Remember for Customs you're Jack," Regina told her. Claire nodded and waved her off. Although it wouldn't be the first time someone forgot their passes all said Jack and they were seen as Jack even if they were Vivien or Claire, but really the worse time had been Caty, the others had played it off as simply not having switched their documents to reflect themselves as it wasn't uncommon to see them in feminine clothing. But they had gotten separated once and Caty had surfaced, and it had just been all bad. Cyann had been three and had to watch Caty have a psychological break down.

"Next." Regina approached at one booth with her and kids passes as well as Jack's.

"Sir you need to stay back," A man said.

"Um… no they're with me, they have a mental condition," Regina said. She handed over a paper, and it usually stopped people from separating them unnecessarily these days and gave her more control.

"Ma'am you all need to come with us," the agent told her. Regina frowned, but nodded. She indicated for Claire to remain calm and grab her carry on while she held the hands of her children. If there was a stressor, she immediately took the hands of both children, because no personality could ever be sure when and if a strong enough stressor would either bring out Lucy a personality who constantly changed her name but everyone else had settled on Lucy. She was often delusional as she said more than anyone else. Everything was a game and it did nothing but escalate situations or the dreaded Richard. Everyone seemed to know of Richard and fear Richard without anyone else having told them. He was the only true male personality as Jack liked to say because he himself would rather Jack was short for Jacqueline.

"What's wrong?" Regina asked once they had been moved to a room.

"Mr. Hawthorne's passport has been flagged to be taken into custody immediately when he returned to the country. He's been reported as missing."

"He's not missing though we were on vacation," Regina told him. "We had a week's pass from the institute, they had all our contact information."

"This is bullshit," Claire said.

"Claire please just sit, you don't get stressed out about this all right," Regina told her. "Let me stress and worry." Claire crossed her arms.

"The hospital wasn't the one that put out the report as far as I can tell ma'am," He said. Regina frowned.

"Then I don't understand, the hospital has authorized before when Jack has had steady consistent good behavior for a short vacation. We've never had any trouble before except the time we tried to have more than a weeklong vacation. Jack's been fine, we're in perfect timing if we can just not stress him out further."

"I completely understand that you're worried this will be a stressor ma'am, but I cannot tell you more until the police arrive," He said. Regina nodded.

"Could the kids please get some water while we wait." He nodded. Water was provided for them all while they waited.

"I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, a computer glitch, Dr. Dawkins wouldn't do this," Regina told her even as she handed her a Xanax, the calmer she became the better. But Claire was pacing and shaking until Vivien took over. Vivien was calm, and all outward signs of anxiety disappeared.

"Okay good, so since you're here that means we're still managing our anxiety. If it were Lucy, I'd be worried." Lucy meant they were all checking out from reality for a while. Vivien nodded stoically as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Well it was barely one since Laura had decided to cut it for the classic mom haircut. Everyone hated it including Regina, but she'd take over for days if they even made an appointment at the barber, so they simply tried to grow it out, and she'd cut it once more. But now that the kids were growing, she was finally giving up the haircut.

"Mommy we attested?" Cyann asked.

"Arrested sweetheart, and no, there's just some confusion that's all," Regina told him. But it didn't feel like that when the police arrived and took them to the station. Unfortunately, that meant getting separated and they wanted to know if she had stolen Ajani because of Laura.

"Ajani is my adopted daughter, she is not stolen, you will find she was adopted under Hague regulation, and not stolen on the whim of one personality, and Cyann is my son before you ask." Regina was grateful when Dr. Dawkins arrived with her lawyer, but it was too late, while she was reunited with her children, Vivien had given way to Lucy under the stress of being alone or at least that's what she thought. What she wasn't expecting was the rage filled man that threw cops, knocked over desks, and grabbed for weapons. They were pushed back into a room where she bent down to protect her children. There was a gun shot and then silence.

"Mommy is Daddy or Mommy Claire or Mommy Vivien okay?" Cyann sobbed.

"Shs I know honey, I know," Regina said as her own tears spilled. After awhile it was Dr. Dawkins that came in looking shocked, but he just had to look at her and she knew.

"Richard?" She whispered. He nodded.

"I hadn't seen him in seven years, but I also hadn't seen his parents, they found out about the day passes, and there's a new nurse. She didn't know even though I explained to them that he had earned a week's pass and we knew where you were and checked in. They still put a notice out on his passport. They came to the station to get him and take him home, they wanted him out of the center. As soon as they mentioned home, Richard appeared, and you saw."

"He always said he'd rather die," Regina whispered.

"Come on, let's get you guys to the center. You can stay there tonight, you shouldn't be alone." Regina shook her head.

"No, I think the kids need to be home, the center is like a second home, but they'll be acutely aware that he's not there." Dr. Dawkins nodded. They left the room shielding the children from the blood on the floor, they had thankfully removed the body. Regina called the airport about delivering their bags, but she didn't care. She was sad to lose Jack, Vivien, Claire, and Caty but what really broke her heart was explaining to Cyann and Ajani that their second parent would never visit them or go on vacation again. And then explaining why it had happened. They were up all night crying.

"Jack's whore isn't welcome," Mrs. Hawthorne told her when she entered the funeral services with Cyann and Ajani.

"Good thing I wasn't his whore, I was just a friend," Regina told her as they took a seat in the back. It was an open casket and she had already spoken to Cyann before about viewing the body. He did not want to approach, and she was okay with that. She would never force him too like her mother had forced her to view an Uncle. So, once they were sitting, she approached alone. They had cut his hair shorter and put him in a suit. That was not the way he would have wanted to go.

"I'm sorry I had no control over this," Regina whispered as she wiped a tear away. She turned and headed back to her children who were watching everyone and looking unsure. She picked up Ajani who hugged her and pulled Cyann close. Mrs. Hawthorne was glaring at her, but as more guests arrived, she couldn't be bothered. Soon the service was started, and it became very clear to Regina that these people had no idea who their child was and what he loved. There was of course no mention of Cyann or Ajani, but it was Cyann, Regina was most grateful was not mentioned. They had often told her there's a reason they are like this, that his parents could never know Cyann was his. He wasn't even on the birth certificate for a reason. But this didn't stay a secret as Cyann started screaming and calling for his dad or mommy to wake up before he was buried alive. Pulling him away was the hardest thing she had to do at the graveyard.

"Mommy they buried them," Cyann cried in her arms at the hotel.

"I know honey, but that's what happens when you die, sometimes people get buried in a grave or they get put in a mausoleum which isn't underground, or sometimes their bodies get burned and turned to ashes and then you spread it somewhere nice, so they can stay there forever."

"He can't breathe there."

"He's not breathing anymore, it can't harm him," Regina told her. "Daddy, Mommy Claire, Mommy Vivien, Caty, even Mommy Laura. They're all in a better place now okay. Right now, they're all sitting somewhere nice in separate bodies enjoying all the things they like to do together instead of separately. And they're waiting for us to live our fullest and happiest lives, and only then when we're done with that, we will see them again. Which means at least one hundred years young man from you and Ajani."

"Are you a hundred mommy?" Cyann asked sobbing. "Was daddy hundred?"

"Daddy was because he had all the ages combined from Mommy Vivien, Mommy Claire, Caty, and no one really knows Lucy's age. But me no, honey, mommy has a lot of life left to go," Regina lied. She frowned over his head as she looked at herself in the mirror. Did she really have that much life left? Right now, she was functioning, but would her heart really last that long out here on these medications. Ultimately, she needed magic to fully heal herself she knew that, but there was no magic here.

"Please don't die mommy, I know you olds," Cyann sobbed.

"I'm not that old," Regina grumbled. "But baby I promise you, mommy will do everything in her power to keep myself healthy and alive, so we don't have to lose each other okay?" He nodded. After that she took them home back to the Cook Islands, she had been living there all of Cyann's life. She had only just arrived ten months before his arrival. She had battled depression there in peace after Henry's last rejection was too much. She had run away with him to Atlanta thinking that getting away from magic and fairytales and fucking Emma Swan would do the trick. She had gotten them into family counseling and after a rough three months, things seemed to be going well. Too well in fact, but she was far too desperate to notice, o she let her guard down. He ran away again this time with Emma's help. She went back to get him again thinking this was Emma, Emma had said she found people, she should have been more careful. But that last, I hate you had been the one that broke her heart the most, because it had shattered every bit of hope she had created over the last few months for them. So, she had left Storybrooke for good, thought she'd die from a broken heart, decided to do it somewhere warm and peaceful. Somehow though Jack and all his personalities wouldn't let her die though, at first it was friendship, but than when three of his personalities started cultivating a relationship with her and the others had consented it became romantic for a time. And she had Cyann and Cyann is ultimately what kept her from dying voluntarily. The last year though she had been concerned that it would be involuntary if she didn't do something about it soon. Jack had been pestering her for the last month since Cyann turned four more than usual.

"Your heart," Cyann said putting a hand on her chest. He was always sensitive to her heart condition.

"Yeah, mommy has decided that we'll go back to Storybrooke, it's nothing a little magic can't cure," Regina told him.

"You promise?" Cyann asked.

"I promise baby, now why don't you go hug Gus, remember he's a special dog, he's here for when we're very sad." Cyann nodded. Gus their rottweiler was a fully trained service dog. He was great for emotional support, and physical support since Regina had some days where getting out of bed was a struggle. So, Gus brought snacks and water to her and children. Brought her diapers and wipes if necessary, turned off lights or turned them on. And he was instrumental in catching Ajani's seizures. They hadn't taken him to South Africa or back to the U.S. for the short visits, but now if they were leaving, she'd have to see that he had everything he needed.

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