The aftermath and survival

The story begins after Harry, Ron and Hermione leave the Headmaster's office after the Battle of Hogwarts is over. WARNING! It is a canon story with a darker twist, mentions of mental health issues, self-harm, reproductive issues and explicit sex scenes.

Chapter 1

Phoenix's song

The sun was raising. Literally.

Only the ruins spoke of the horrible events of the night before. Three people were walking amongst them, what used to be stairs, walls, windows, even picture frames. A lone knight was still standing in his picture, as he saw the three of them, he started clapping.

The black-haired boy, or rather man, looked away from him, he couldn't cope with the congratulations anymore. Silently, he spoke.

'It was me. The master of death, or whatever it is called. Since I disarmed Draco that day at the Malfoy Manor. I had the cloak already and the stone was inside the snitch Dumbledore left me. The wand…' He held up a wand in his hands. Elder wood, 15 inches, thesthral tail-hair core. The other two looked at it, understanding what he had to do.

'It answers to me since Malfoy Manor.'

The horrors they survived and the many deaths that occurred just the night before were there, between the three of them, in the tension in the air, in the unspoken words, just in their heads. Memories. Harry walked a few meters behind the couple of red-haired heroes.

Hermione smiled when she turned around to look at him. Harry thought it was forced, he felt it is impossible to be happy now, to smile.

Hermione and Ron held hands. Tears streaming down the boy's face. It finally caught up with him, the grief, the loss.

Harry felt guilty. He felt like he should not survive, but he did. He came back, he chose to come back, thinking only of the girl with the fiery red hair and brown eyes with golden specs. But surely, she resents him. Others did not have a choice. Her own brother did not have a choice and he died because of Harry.

As if Hermione could read his mind, she spoke.

'It's not your fault, you know that, right? Fred, Lupin, Tonks… they knew what they were fighting for. They knew what they were getting themselves in. They died so we could live in a better world, they died for that. This fight wasn't just about saving you, it was about saving the entire wizarding world, Harry…' Tears were coming down her face, too. She could not hold the back anymore. Ron, red-faced, stopped and held her close, he put his arms around her waist and held her as she cried in his chest.

Harry walked on, towards the black lake. He wasn't really thinking of where he was going, but when he reached the white tomb, he knew he came to the right place. With a flick of his holy and phoenix feather wand the tomb opened and there he laid, calm, peaceful. As if he knew they will win even before he died, before he was killed on top of the Astronomy tower. Dumbledore's hands were crossed on his chest, palms slightly opened, where they once held the elder wand. Harry broke the elder wand in two and put the pieces back, back to the headmaster that he respected with all his heart. Finally resting in peace.

He spoke with him mere minutes ago, with a memory of him preserved in a picture, but this, looking at Dumbledore's body made him realize the war is over and there were so many sacrifices, so many people died in this war.

He broke down. Right there and then. He couldn't stand anymore. Harry wanted to leave the war behind him, but he could not stop thinking about the bodies in the great hall and the pain he caused Ginny and her family. His chest started hurting terribly with every breath he took. Tears falling down his face, he was breathless. Darkness surrounded him.

Surrounded by the forest, he saw his own body lying on the floor. The high shrieking laugh echoed between the trees. He looked at the face, his red eyes were gleaming victoriously, and Harry couldn't move. He couldn't say anything. Suddenly, spells flew all around him from the bushes behind his dead body. Voldemort laughed and a jet of green light from his wand hit someone and Harry could see a head with long, silky red hair fall on the ground with a thud.

He woke up screaming, sweat coming down his forehead, he could feel someone near him, he grabbed his wand and pointed it towards the hands that were coming near him.

'Harry, shh…, Harry, it's a nightmare, shh, it's me…' He heard the voice he most wanted to hear. He knew she was there, but he couldn't look at her, he could hear her voice, cracking as she spoke his name, he knew she was crying. He put his wand down and sat up, he was laying in his four-poster bed, the one in the Gryffindor tower. Not knowing how he got there, he turned away from Ginny. He buried his face in his hands and he felt tears forming in his eyes again.

Ginny knelt by his side, he felt her arm on his shoulder, her warmth, he could feel her breath just inches from his face. But he couldn't look at her. She was all he wanted, and he couldn't even look at her.

She knew, she felt his grief and his pain. She understood.

Ginny Weasley was there, next to Harry, hours after the death of her brother, but she couldn't feel the pain of losing him, not after her heart was ripped apart when she saw Harry's body in Hagrid's arms.

She thought he had died, and their future together was no more. When she saw him alive later, she felt like she could single-handedly save the world, like she could conquer Voldemort and Bellatrix alone, her heart was filled with pride and anger at the same time. She would save the world for him.

But he didn't come to see her after the victory. He didn't return when Ron and Hermione did, where she was waiting for him in the Great hall, right by her family, surrounded by bodies of her brother, her favorite professor, one of her best friends and so many others. She stood there, listening to her mother's crying and watching Hermione and Ron holding hands, but he wasn't there. She couldn't feel the pain her brothers felt after losing Fred, she just wanted to see Harry, she wanted to hug him and kiss him and be held by him. She made up her mind about what she wanted to do after this, because it isn't worth the wait. She waited far too long, and now he wasn't there with her. She kept watching Ron and Hermione, her insides started filling up with jealousy rather than grief. They were there, together, yet she was alone, waiting for him – again.

Hermione looked up at her, her eyes red, yet bright between her bushy hair that fell all around her dirty, scratched face, she could see the streaks of mud where the tears were flowing down her face.

'He left. He had something to do, Ginny. He'll come back, he will…'

But Ginny couldn't wait no more. She stood up, and left the great hall, she ran outside, crying, looking for the green-eyed man that had her heart since the day she first saw him at King's cross. Why did he leave? Where did he go, what could he possibly be doing now? The war was over, and he should be with her, with their family – he was part of their family, she was sure he understood that. She ran to the black lake and sat down by the tree, their tree, where they spent so many hours back in her fifth year. She looked across the lake and let herself feel the pain inside of her. She needed him. Now.

In that moment she heard him, right by the white tomb that held Harry's mentor, the tomb that was closed on the day he left her, and he was standing there. She watched him go down on his knees, she could hear his cries, and suddenly he fell to the floor. He was right there, she saw him. She started running, but her feet couldn't carry her anymore, she felt so tired and yet she had to get to him.

In the distance she heard that familiar sound that she only heard three times before – in her first year down in the Chamber of Secrets, when Harry rescued her, and twice within the last year, first in Dumbledore's office when she needed to know what she smelt in Amortentia, and later, after the battle at the Astronomy tower, when Dumbledore's body was lying on the ground. The majestic bird landed by Harry's limp body, and even from afar she knew what it was doing. Just like in the Chamber, Fawkes' tears were healing Harry's many scratches, wounds and bruises. She managed to get to him fast, she was stubborn that way, she saw him lying on the ground, barely breathing, she knew he was in pain, physically and mentally. She could smell that familiar sent, she heard the song – it was exactly what she smelled in Amortentia. It took her a long time to figure out what she smelled in the love potion, but when she did, she realized it was him all this time.

'Harry? Harry… are you ok? Harry, its over, you- we won! Harry?' He didn't wake up. She was stroking his black hair, he was breathing, she was sure of that. It was like she could read his mind; she knew exactly what he needed. She found his cloak of invisibility by his left hand, she took out her wand, levitated Harry's body, covered him with the cloak and started walking towards the Gryffindor tower, guiding Harry in front of her. She hoped they wouldn't run into anyone and as if the castle knew what she was thinking, their path was clear, apart from Peeves on the second-floor corridor, but even he looked away from the determined girl with a blazing look in her eyes that was holding her wand up in front of her and was walking determinately towards her destination.

The Fat lady looked at her and nodded, the frame swung forward (Ginny didn't even need to say the password) and there they were, Gryffindor common room, their safe haven, where they shared so many happy memories. Up in the boy's dormitory she took the cloak off Harry, set him on the bed and took off his glasses and his shoes. She folded the cloak neatly and set it under his glasses on the nightstand, then she covered Harry with a blanket. She sat down by his legs and watched him, while tears started forming in her eyes. Did he still want her? What if he grew so much in the past year, that she was again just Ron's little sister to him? What if he met someone, or maybe it was all the horrors that happened that just made him resent everyone? What if after everything that happened, he just doesn't love her anymore? She wondered why he left for the forest without saying goodbye, she knew he walked right by her, when she was helping that little girl, she saw the sole of his shoe – the cloak isn't big enough to cover him when he's walking anymore. Did he not care about her anymore, is that why he just walked by?

Suddenly, Harry stirred, he started moving his arms and his scream pierced through the silence, just like she was used to him screaming when he had his nightmares back at the Burrow before he left and before Voldemort's downfall. What does it mean, the nightmare? What is he dreaming about? She stood up, she started stroking Harry's jet-black hair as he was screaming and sweating. When he opened his eyes, he grabbed his wand from his pocket and pointed it straight at her.

Terrified, she put her hands forward, 'Harry, shh…, Harry, it's a nightmare, shh, it's me…'

Did he hear her? Was he awake? He must have woken up, as he lowered his wand and turned away from her. She was crying, scared of the pain that he surely felt, worried about him because of everything that he must have been through in the past year and in the forest. Why else would he point his wand at someone right after he woke up? What were they up to in the last year?

Harry was crying as well, burying his face in his hands. Ginny knelt by him and put her left hand on his shoulder, he needed to know that she was there, and she needed to touch him, to feel him – she needed to know he really was alive. Still touching him, she leaned closer and stroked his cheek with her right arm. Tears were falling down her face, they were both crying.

Ginny Weasley had to be strong for the both of them in that moment. She did not know what was going on through Harry's mind, she didn't know, in that moment, that he couldn't look at her, she didn't know that he resented himself for surviving. She did know, however, that he had drained all his strength in the battle with Voldemort and that it would take a long time for him to get back on his feet.

Harry felt Ginny's hands on his own, she moved them, so she could see his face. He still couldn't look up, but Ginny lifted his chin with her hand and looked at him. She was there, she was looking at him and she made him look at her beautiful, warm brown eyes, she was so close he could see her golden specs, even through the darkness. She wiped the tears from his face and as she held his face, he knew that she would understand him, he knew how much he needed her and there she was now. Inches from his face was the girl he has been dreaming about for the past year, since that sad goodbye after Dumbledore's funeral, since that incredible kiss on his birthday and since he left without saying goodbye during the wedding, when Death eaters came looking for him.

He leaned closer and their lips met. He didn't know how she will react to the kiss. Ginny kissed him back eagerly.

She had a plan and she wanted to execute it – if he will want her, that is. That kiss said it all, all it was a kiss for the past, the present and the future, it was like a promise, something they both needed. She stood up and sat on his lap, with each of her legs on one side of Harry's hips. He put his arms on her hips, pulling her closer on top of him. His fingers were trailing her side until he reached her silky hair, he could play with her hair again, he thought. It wasn't time to be gentle, though, after that nightmare, all he wanted was her – he felt angry that they had to be apart for a year, terrified that he would lose her and he put all of that want in the kisses, his fingers tangled in her hair as he laid back on the bed, pulling her with him.

Ginny looked up at him, his emerald eyes filled with lust. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. Neither spoke when Ginny started pulling Harry's shirt up and he helped her getting it off. Ginny, content that he didn't stop her, started undressing herself.

'Ginny… No-' He started, when he realized what she wanted. She silenced him by putting her lips on his again, not allowing him to speak. She grabbed his arm and led it underneath her shirt, up the front, to her breasts and settled them right there. He was blushing, not knowing what to do.

'Ginny, I don't know… I've never… What are you doing? Are you sure?' He spoke.

He did not expect her to want to have sex tonight. He didn't even expect her to still want him.

'I've never done it either, I just… I need you, Harry.' With that, Harry kissed her and moved her fingers to her back, he found the clasp of her bra and undid it, he pulled up her shirt and her bra at the same time and kissed her breast. He didn't know what he was doing, but he knew he wanted to kiss every part of her, feel her skin on his and be with her forever. Ginny moaned as he was trailing her collarbone with his lips, she lowered her hands and felt him hard underneath her. She smiled, it wasn't even hard for her to do that, she really smiled, and she didn't feel guilty about it. Harry was nervous and she could feel it, but he didn't stop her when she was stroking him under his belt, and he only stopped kissing her to look at her as she unbuttoned his pants and undid his zipper. She looked at him, half naked, she pulled her wand from her pants and cast the muffliato charm at the door.

'There, no one will bother us…' And she pulled down his pants, laughing at how awkward they both were. Harry didn't laugh or smile, she noticed. She thought he must be nervous, but she did see how eager he was. Suddenly he lifted her up and turned her around, so she was underneath him. He had gotten a lot stronger since last year, his muscles were more defined than she remembered and he lost weight, which she thought was hard to do, since he was already very skinny, due to his uncle and aunt starving him every summer.

He pulled down her pants and underwear, she was completely naked on his bed and she didn't mind. He was looking at her and he could scream with all the emotions building up in him. He started kissing her thighs and going up, stopping only as he reached her clitoris and, not knowing if he was doing anything right, he went with his gut, he listened to her moaning to find out what she liked.

As she was getting wetter and wetter, he was getting harder. He could no longer control himself, he looked at her wondering if she really was ready, she just nodded and smiled. He positioned himself on top of her, he kissed her again and as he entered her, they both let out a loud moan, that could surely be heard by everyone, if Ginny hadn't been thinking ahead. It didn't take long for Harry to finish and he felt guilty, not knowing whether she was happy, did she… She looked at him, hopeful, and he knew he came too fast, she was too much for him, all the want that was building up inside of him for a year was too much and it was their first time. He went down on her again, this time he used his fingers as well and she repositioned her hips.

Soon, he brought her to a climax as well, she was guiding him well. He still wasn't smiling, but he laid next to her, both were sweaty and breathing heavily. She cuddled next to him, under the blanket.

For the first time in years, they both slept soundly, without nightmares.

Author's note:

Ginny's Amortentia smell is based on RRFang's 'Ginny Weasley and the Half Blood Prince'