Chapter 3
Wreckage
Harry took a step in the dark hallway that he knew all too well. As he closed the door behind him, the gas lamps sprang into life. Just the fact that it had stayed the same all this time made Harry feel better. At least something hasn't changed, he thought. Even the troll's leg umbrella stand was there, lying on it's side, which made him think of Tonks, as if she were still alive and visited what used to be the Order's headquarters.
'Severus Snape?' Whispered Mad-Eye Moody's voice.
Before he could answer, the tongue-tying curse curled his tongue backwards, making it impossible to respond.
He took another step forward and the familiar figure rose out of the dust at the end of the hallway. Albus Dumbledore glided toward him faster and faster until it raised an arm and pointed it directly at Harry.
'I didn't kill you,' he whispered, his voice shaking.
The figure exploded in a great cloud of dust, that swirled around Harry like mist. Just the fact that it all happened the same as so many times before was so reassuring to Harry, it actually made him smile.
He noticed there was no dust on top of the lights or house-elf heads along the corridor.
Harry raised his wand.
'Homenum revelio!'
Nothing happened. He was alone.
He walked, or rather ran, to the end of the hallway, jumped two flights of stairs to the first floor and straight into the drawing room. He grabbed the nearest chair and smashed it against the wall that was covered with the Black family tree tapestry. He grabbed a small lamp that stood on the coffee table and threw it at the floor. The bulb shattered to pieces. He conjured a beaters bat and started hitting anything and everything that he could find.
Tears were streaming down his cheeks. His whole face was red and contrasted his jet-black hair. His breathing had gotten heavier and heavier, until he finally couldn't do it anymore and sat down on the sofa. His face in his hands, he let his sadness float out of him.
With a loud crack, a tiny, half human-sized being appeared in front of him, his white hair growing from his batlike ears. Kreacher was wearing a fresh cloth, Regulus' locket was hanging around his neck. He looked around at the mess, at the now ripped tapestry and frowned.
'Master Harry, welcome home.' He said with a hoarse voice.
Harry didn't expect Kreacher to be there. In all honesty, he had forgotten about him.
'Kreacher…' he looked at him through the tears. He couldn't speak.
'Would master like something to drink? When Master Sirius was destroying things, he would have some firewhiskey to calm him down. Should I bring master Harry firewhiskey?'
Kreacher wasn't judging Harry. He was used to anger and destruction around him.
Harry nodded. He let out a loud sigh as he laid on the sofa and looked around.
'Well, fuck.' He let out.
Kreacher returned with a bottle of firewhiskey for Harry and a glass. Harry drank straight up from the bottle. As Kreacher left the room, he threw the glass at the tapestry, the shattered glass cut the fabric just bellow Bellatrix's name. Should've thrown it an inch higher.
He took a pack of cigarettes from his jacket and started smoking one by one, letting the ash fall on the floor, while he stubbed it out on the sofa, so it left black burned circles all over it.
Soon, he passed out, drunk and high on cigarette fumes.
.
'You stupid git! Get up!'
Someone was hitting him with a pillow. His glasses askew, he still managed to recognize the outline of Hermione Granger.
'Heeey, 'mione…' He said, grinning at her, as if this was the funniest thing he had seen in a while. He sat up on the sofa, blinking as his eyes were trying to adjust to light.
'Are you completely mental? Have you gone completely mad?'
'Wha– ouch. That actually hurts.' Hermione kept hitting him with a pillow.
'You idiot, you know what fucking hurts? Planning to go to Australia to bring back my parents, but instead waking up to find my best friend missing! AGAIN! Not leaving a note, not a fucking word!'
'Did Hermione Granger just swear? Twice?'
'You're right I fucking did. Molly is going crazy, and Ginny had already managed to accidentallylight the garden on fire.'
Accidentally, right. Harry was just glad he wasn't there, or it would probably have been his hair on fire instead of the garden.
'Now, get up, take a shower, because you stink, and we're going back. Everyone is looking for you all over England already. Also, what happened in here?' Hermione looked at the destruction Harry's rage left behind, thinking maybe the Death eaters got in here.
'I got a bit mad,' Harry chuckled.
'I'm not going back, though. I can't stay there anymore.'
'What? WHAT?' Hermione got even angrier than the moment she found him out cold on the sofa.
'Damn well you're going back, and you are apologizing to everyone, to Molly and most of all to Ginny!'
'Ginny is better off without me, and so is everyone else.'
'How…dare…you…say…anything…like…that…you…complete…twat…Harry Potter!' Hitting him a pillow after every word she muttered.
Her eyes were blazing with anger, but Harry didn't move.
'Ouch! Stop it, stop it!' Harry took the pillow from her and threw it behind his shoulder.
Hermione stood above him, her hands at her hips, breathing heavily.
'I just… I need some time for myself, okay. I need to be alone.'
'Well, I am your best friend, and you are like a brother to me, so honestly, I will not let you destroy yourself.'
'Destroy, what are you talking about…'
'Harry, you really have gone mental. You get drunk every night, and even in the morning now apparently, you smoke cigarettes that by the way make you look like a total scumbag, you stormed out on your girlfriend and the closest person to a mother you ever had, don't even make me start about the wreckage you have left in here!'
Harry wasn't really moved by her words. Calmly, he answered.
'After Sirius died, I went to Dumbledore's office and demolished about half of his office. He said he deserved it because he blamed himself for Sirius' death. Well, now I came here and destroyed my things…'
'Because you blame yourself.' Hermione finished it for him. She sat down on the sofa right next to him. She leaned her head on Harry's shoulder. She understood.
'I should've gone to Voldemort sooner and Fred would still be with us and Lupin, and Tonks…' Harry was thinking out loud. Hermione closed her eyes, not knowing how to respond.
'If you had gone sooner, we might not have gotten all the horcruxes and we might not have won.'
'We would, or rather, you would.'
'No, trust me, we wouldn't. I wouldn't, nor Ron… I think Neville was the only one that could do anything when we thought you were dead, but even he wouldn't know what to do had you gone to him sooner.' Hermione hugged him tight, but Harry winced from the pain.
The black bruise on his chest was a source of physical pain, but there was something causing him to hurt even more, something on the inside, as if he were broken.
'Oh, sorry Harry. I forgot… You really should let someone take a look at that bruise, you know.'
'So, you've been talking to Ginny.'
'Well… yes.' Hermione answered matter-of-factly.
'We have been talking. And we both worry about you, you know. Is it true you have a new lightning bolt scar?'
'It's not so much of a scar as of yet. But anyways, nobody has experience with killing curse wounds now, do they?'
Hermione chuckled at that. The mood in the room had gotten a bit lighter. No they don't, she thought.
They sat there on the couch for a couple of minutes.
Hermione finally stood up.
'Well, I really have to go. Kingsley has arranged for my portkey to take me to Australia at 3 p.m. And you really should come with me back to the Burrow, let everyone know you are okay…'
'Why don't you do that, and I'll stay here.' Hermione knew she won't be able to change his mind, she wasn't the right person to change Harry's mind.
'Well, goodbye, then… I'll see you, soon, I hope.' She smiled lightly at Harry and left.
.
It was a warm morning on the last of June, the one that really makes one believe it's summer time. Harry was eating breakfast in the dining room, Kreacher was kind enough to cook for him every day. The dining room was filled with broken chairs, old closets, dirty curtains and even paintings. There was barely enough room for Harry to sit and eat breakfast.
Suddenly, he heard the entrance door open. Harry jumped up from his chair, wand in his hand.
'I didn't kill you,' said a soft voice. A voice that Harry loved so much and longed for but couldn't hear without it hurting him, because I am not good for her.
Ginny entered the dining room and looked appalled at the mess. She looked at Harry, who was standing with his wand out, ready to protect himself form unwanted intruders.
'Are you going fight me now, Potter?' Ginny smiled.
'Uhm, no, sorry.' He put his wand back in his pocket.
It's been almost 2 weeks since he stormed out on her. He hadn't seen her since, but he did send her a message with his patronus, where he explained he needed some time alone, or rather tried to explain that.
She was standing in his house now, in the dining room that was really the worst of all places in the house that day.
'So, you really have gone mad, I see?' She gestured to the pile of furniture in the room.
'Uhm, yeah, just some things I broke… I…' Harry caught her eyes and couldn't speak anymore. It was clear Ginny didn't come to make small talk.
'So, are you willing to talk yet or what?'
Harry looked at the floor. He couldn't talk. He couldn't let her know how he felt, he couldn't tell her about last year, because when he only though about it, it was like someone stepped on his chest, the pain was so unbearable it made him stop breathing. He couldn't bring himself to think about anything, the war, the battle, Ginny being tortured by the Carrows, he couldn't…
'Harry…' Ginny looked at him, her eyes were all watery.
'Harry, I can't do this. I can't do us, if this is what us is. This isn't a relationship, we aren't talking, you don't trust me enough to let me in on the things that happened last year and I… I need to move on, I need to focus on my goals, and I can't do that if I have to worry about you all the time.'
Harry looked at her, his eyes wide open with shock. Lost for words, he just looked at her.
Is she leaving me?
'Are you going to say anything?' Her eyes were filled with tears.
He starred at her as tears started falling down his cheeks.
'Harry, you need to get help. You need to get better, and please do. I will always love you, but I can't… I have to move on. Fred wouldn't want me to be hung up on his death and miss out on life and… well, neither would Tonks or Lupin. They wouldn't want that for you either.'
'I'll… I hope you find help. And I'm here for you, when you need me, okay…'
She turned to leave, but she stopped at the door frame when she remembered something else.
'Oh, Professor McGonagall came by last week to let us know that Hogwarts will be prepared for the new term by September. This year's exams were cancelled, so we all made it to 7th year, and last year's .T. students will be able to sit their exams in July. Luna told me Neville will have graduated after that. Also, Hermione found her parents and they should be returning by the end of the week. Thought you might want to know.'
With that, she closed the dining room door behind her and left 12 Grimmauld Place.
She left.
Harry walked up to the third floor, where he just finished remodeling the master bedroom and bathroom. He was renovating it thinking of him and Ginny maybe someday living here.
For the past two weeks, he had been working day and night (well, mostly day, at night he would get wrecked with muggle alcohol he bought at the local store) trying to get the place look more modern. He decided to fix the third floor first, since the master bedroom had been previously occupied by Buckbeak the hippogriff and was in a terrible state. Harry loved it though, as the big windows overlooked the small square in the front on one side and the backyard on the other.
He imagined building a tree house for their kids there, and he could see them running around.
He painted the walls a light grey color and bought a king-sized four-poster bed (it reminded him of Hogwarts, his first real home). It was made of maple wood, and the rest of the furniture matched the bed. He changed the curtains to crème-colored ones and he even got a new chandelier. The room felt much warmer, than it did before.
He built a walk-in closet, so there would be enough room for their clothes. He even went out and bought her some nice clothes he thought she might look good in and was going to give to her when he showed her the place.
The master bathroom wasn't dark and grey anymore, it was rather light, with big mirrors, marble countertops, 2 sinks and a bath that could fit Ginny and him at the same time.
Now, none of that matters. She left.
Harry fell to the floor right by the backyard window and finally broke down.
He couldn't stop the tears, he couldn't stop his loud sobs, nor could he stand up. It was like his heart had been ripped from his chest.
She left.
Even though he thought she would be better off with anyone else, he was after all putting her in danger, he still had hopes and dreams for their future. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else, he couldn't picture his future without Ginny in it.
He collapsed on the floor, just like he did before, but he always had Ginny there to save him, to bring him back to the real world.
But she left.