FOUR

I was eighteen when I got my first promotion as Assistant Director of Systems Operation. It had been almost two years since I had started working at Shinra. The promotion caught me by surprise, to be honest, since I hadn't been expecting anything for a while yet. But I was happy about it just the same when Marissa came to my cubicle to give me the news and show me my new office next to hers.

"So what do you think?" she asked.

I grinned. "It's great! Just a little overwhelming…"

"How so?" she asked.

"Well, I thought someone else would get the job. Someone older, I guess. It'll feel a little weird giving out work assignments to people who have five or ten years on me, or even more."

Marissa laughed, her fiery red curls bouncing around her face. "It's alright, Jessica. You'll get used to it."

"I suppose so. Thank you, by the way."

"You're welcome," she answered. "You know, Director Tuesti wasn't much older than you when he was promoted to be the assistant for the previous head of Urban Development. And it was only a few years later that he took over the division himself after overseeing the construction of the city's mako reactors."

I nodded. "Your husband works in one of the reactors, right?"

"Yes, Reactor 3. He's the supervisor there. Overseeing the workers, making sure everything runs smoothly, that sort of thing."

"I thought as much," I said. "You've talked about him before."

That was true enough. We always chatted from time to time when we had a moment to spare and had become friends over the last couple years. And although she always tried to put on a cheerful, professional front, I had come to sense lately that something was bothering her. She wouldn't say anything about it and I wasn't going to pry, but I had seen a sense of resignation and anxiety in her eyes. I remembered how I had seen others in the building with that same feeling of quiet despair, with that slight slump in their shoulders. It wasn't everyone, but more than a few at least. I wondered if it that would ever be me.

Marissa and I talked for a little longer, then she left me alone to get settled in and back to work. After I had brought my stuff over from my old cubicle and gotten everything organized, I sat down and looked out the window for a moment. There was a nice view of the city, but seeing those reactors rising up at intervals like spokes on a wheel bothered me for some reason. And the high outer wall that surrounded Midgar kept any view of the lands beyond well out of sight. It was like living inside a giant, hi-tech cage, and all I wanted was to get out.

"Jessica!" Scarlet snapped, stalking over to the drafting table. "The specs for those roboguards. Where are they?"

It was about a week after my promotion, and the Weapons Design Division was bustling with activity around us. Lots of testing going on as well as materia formation and analysis. Shinra sold the orbs in shops all around the world, and much of it was made right here. I'd been busy scanning many of the schematics I'd drawn up for my weapons into the division's main computer when Scarlet called for me.

I jumped in spite of myself at the sound of her voice. "Just a minute and I'll pull them up, Director."

They came up on the monitor screen near the table after I tapped a few keys. Scarlet and I had developed these machines to use as security forces for the mako reactors. Well, they'd been hers originally, but I had since improved on them. Sweepers and monodrives for the main areas, and laser cannons mounted up high. Also, new particle beam weapons for the grunts. I'd wondered why we needed so much force, but Scarlet had told me it was for the workers' protection.

"Alright," Scarlet frowned. "Send a copy over to Peace Preservation. That idiot father of yours requested them this morning."

"What for?" I asked.

She narrowed her eyes. "There are… a few problems with the new models we've deployed. They need to be adjusted."

"What kind of problems?"

"It's none of your concern," Scarlet hissed. "Just do what I told you, Jessica! Is that clear?"

I swallowed. "Y-Yes, ma'am."

After I had emailed the files, Scarlet continued. "Now listen up. I'll be leaving for Corel first thing tomorrow. We've had some trouble with the reactor out there, so I'm taking a detachment of troops to look into it. You'll be in charge while I'm away."

"Me?" My eyes widened.

"Yes, you! Are you deaf? Or just stupid?"

I shook it off. "Neither. What do you want me to do?"

"Just make certain everyone does their jobs. We've got deadlines to meet, and if you have to break a few noses to speed things up, don't be afraid to do it. Pain is an excellent motivator."

I knew that all too well. Ever since she had slapped me for showing up late to that meeting, I had made sure not to let that happen again. It was a lesson I had never once forgotten. But even so, I didn't think that I could bring myself to inflict that kind of pain on someone else. It just wasn't me. But I agreed to anyway. I knew I'd get more than an earful if I didn't. Scarlet did not like having her orders questioned.

"Yes, Director," I said. "Anything else?"

She nodded. "As a matter of fact, yes. While I'm in Corel, I'm going to do a bit of… weapons testing. Those new enhancements you've been developing for the assault rifles and explosives our troops use. It seems that Mt. Corel is home to a great many vicious monsters. They'll make fine targets, don't you think?"

I laughed. "I'm sure they will. But you should let the soldiers know to watch their aim when firing those rifles. They use very high-caliber shells that could take someone's arm off if they're not careful. I'd rather we didn't have any accidents."

"I'll keep that in mind," Scarlet replied. "In the meantime, I'll need you to sign the authorization forms so we can arm the soldiers with the enhanced weapons before we leave."

"You want me to do it?" I stared. "Isn't that your job?"

Scarlet slammed her hand down on the drafting table. "What did I just say? You've asked to have more authority and responsibility in this division, haven't you?"

"Yes, Director," I answered. "I did."

"Now you have it. So get those papers signed and submitted by the end of the day."

Then she was gone, striding across the room and settling back into her plush chair with its red satin cushions. She glared and pointed at a nearby soldier, and he scurried to his hands and knees and became her footstool for the day. I winced as she dug her stiletto heels into his back with a cruel smirk on her face. It was a favorite pasttime of hers, one I'd seen her carry out far too often.

"Poor guy," I murmured under my breath.

I was just getting up to see to those forms when Scarlet turned her head lazily to look at me. "Come here, Jessica."

"I was just about to—"

"Now!" she snapped. "That can wait for a few minutes."

I hurried over to where she was sitting, my heart pounding. When I got there, Scarlet stood up and gave the kneeling soldier a sharp kick to his ribs. He let out a muffled groan but didn't move as she motioned for me to sit down in her place. Was she serious? I stared at her, hardly able to believe she was having me do this. "What…?"

"Do it, Jessica! If you want to have more authority in this division, more power, then show me you're willing to do what it takes to get it. I can break you as easily as I've made you if you don't."

I really didn't want to, but I couldn't see any way out of it. So with a long sigh, I settled myself into Scarlet's chair. When I tried to place my feet on the floor instead of on the soldier's back, pain suddenly erupted across my face as Scarlet slapped me again. "No! On him."

"Alright…" I swallowed.

My cheek still stinging, I put my feet on the soldier's back, hating it all the while. Scarlet nodded her approval, an icy sneer on her face. She was surely enjoying all this, both the soldier's humiliation and my own discomfort. I hoped this would be over soon, but I had learned by now just how much Scarlet liked to prolong things like this.

She moved behind the chair and stood over me. "Excellent. It feels good, doesn't it? Makes you feel powerful, in control."

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't deny that a part of me felt as she had said. I rested my hands on the armrests, trying not to enjoy myself, telling myself not to. But the chair itself was soft and very comfortable, and I could see nearly the entire main room from here and everyone in it along with the materia crystallization vat about ten feet or so in front of me. As I sat and watched the little orbs floating in the mako, I all but forgot what—or rather, who—was under my feet.

"Yeah," I admitted. "It… it does."

"Of course it does. Always remember, Jessica. This is exactly where men belong. Beneath you."

I swallowed. "Yes, Director."

"Now while I'm gone," Scarlet ordered. "I expect you to coordinate things from here. I've already briefed everyone else. They know exactly what to do. And don't get squeamish on me, Jessica. I'll find out. So get used to this chair. Just think of it as your throne."

"I understand," I replied. Though inwardly, I shuddered.

She went on. "I'll be back in a few days. And if you do well enough in the center seat, you may have opportunities to be here again later. It grows on you, Jessica. Trust me on that. And soon, you won't be able to get enough of it. But don't forget. This is my chair."

The thought of becoming accustomed to being in this seat, lording it over everyone here like a queen, curdled my blood. This wasn't what I'd had in mind when I had talked to her about being more involved in the division and its work. And yet there was an almost seductive allure to it, one that was harder for me to ignore than I wanted to admit, and I hated myself for feeling that way.

"I know, Director," I agreed. Without a doubt. "It's yours."

Scarlet moved to the side of the chair again. "Yes, it is. Now get up! I have work to do, and so do you."

She sat down again and dug her heels into the soldier's back almost as soon as I had stood up. Would that really be me someday? Was that what Scarlet was trying to do? I was disgusted at the very thought of it. How could I have liked being in that thing even a little? But if I wanted to work in this division, I knew I would have to start spending time in that damn chair. Scarlet would see to that.

I knelt by the soldier, my voice a whisper. "I'm sorry…"

He looked up, a small smile on his helmeted face, and nodded. But before he could say anything, he winced in pain as Scarlet slammed her feet into his back again, harder than before. I took his shoulder without even thinking about it and glared at her.

"Was that really necessary?" I snapped.

She sneered. "Don't talk to the furniture, Jessica. You have to show it who's in charge."

Fuming, I got up and stormed off across the room to get started on the paperwork for the weapons deployments, not trusting myself to say anything at the moment. I was beginning to wonder if I hadn't made a mistake agreeing to work for Scarlet. But at least if I was here, the work we did would be used to help people. Or so I thought. And I was afraid of what someone else would do in my place, a person more like Scarlet. So I pushed down my doubts, not realizing then how much they would come back to haunt me later.

Three days later, a piece of my world fell out from under me. I was in my office putting together a new project for the division to work on when Marissa came in, strangely quiet as she walked through the open doorway. I looked up, forgetting instantly about work when I saw how pale and worried her face was.

"Jessica," she murmured. "You'd better come see what's on the news right now. It… it isn't good."

I got up and followed her to the executive break room a few doors down the hall. It was a smaller, quieter place for Marissa and I to enjoy our lunches than the cafeteria on the 61st floor. One of the perks of my promotion, you might say. Inside was a small table, a kitchenette, and a large screen TV mounted in the middle of one wall. My eyes went to it at once, ignoring the view from the windows looking out over the city. When I saw what was happening on the screen, I froze.

Corel was ablaze.

It was a Shinra Information Network special report, and I listened as the man on screen laid it all down. Behind him was a virtual armada of fire trucks and ambulances, their sirens flashing as what looked like an army of firefighters and medics fought to put out the blaze and save everyone they could. But it was too late.

I shivered at the reporter's chilling story. "Less than an hour ago, a group of terrorists destroyed Shinra's new mako reactor located on Mt. Corel. It was still under construction and was quickly sabotaged. Then they moved against Corel itself. Shinra's forces attempted to stop them, but they were unsuccessful, and the town has sadly been destroyed. So many lives have been lost today. Troops dispatched earlier in the week from Midgar have eradicated the terrorists, but the damage has already been done. Corel will never be the same."

Marissa sighed as I sank into one of the chairs. "An entire town. It's hard to imagine. You mentioned Scarlet had gone off to Corel for a few days and left you in charge over in Weapons Design, so I thought you'd want to know. I still can't believe it…"

"Me either," I breathed. "Corel, gone. Just like that…"

As I thought about what the reporter had said, I found I had more questions than answers. The detachment Scarlet had taken with her to Corel had been big, an entire platoon of Shinra soldiers, all armed with powerful weapons and explosives. They should have been able to wipe the floor with those terrorists who blew up the reactor before they ever got close to Corel. But they hadn't.

Marissa sat down in the other chair. "How could terrorists destroy a whole city? It doesn't seem possible."

It shouldn't have been, as far as I knew. There weren't many groups capable of even getting guns and bombs powerful enough to do a thing like this, let alone actually using them. And why would they have gone after Corel in the first place? What could they have gained from doing that? It didn't make any sense. And the more I thought about it, the less I found myself believing the reporter's story.

If the terrorists had been able to wipe out an entire town with their arsenal, then even a large group of Shinra soldiers shouldn't have been a problem for them to handle. And yet, they had still been killed. Or at least, supposedly. With the new weapons the soldiers had, taking them down shouldn't have been a problem. Mako-powered rapid-fire assault rifles, incendiary grenades, and smart mines. It was more than enough firepower for the job. Way more. And as I thought about that, a terrible light suddenly exploded in my mind.

"No…!" I breathed, my eyes widening.

Those same weapons could have easily destroyed Corel. Without a doubt. I knew their specs and capabilities inside and out since I'd been so heavily involved in enhancing them. And I… I was the one who had authorized their deployment so the soldiers could use them. But it just couldn't be! It was only supposed to be for testing against the monsters on Mt. Corel! Not for razing a village to the ground!

I started trembling, shaking my head as my eyes filled with tears. It had to be a mistake. It had to be! Were all those people dead… because of me? Because of my weapons? My designs? I gasped and bolted to my feet, knocking over the chair as I staggered backwards until I bumped into the counter, streaks of wetness sliding down my cheeks. My heart was pounding, my mouth hung open, and I could barely breathe. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't!

Marissa got up, confused but worried nonetheless, and reached out to comfort me, but I couldn't accept it. I ran, needing to get away, to be alone for a while. Nearly blinded by tears, I raced down the hall until I got to the elevators. Marissa or someone else might have found me if I had returned to my office, and I didn't want that right now. So I hit the button to call the elevator. When the doors slid open, I darted inside as fast as I could, hoping no one had seen me.

The doors closed, and after a moment's thought, I decided to go up to the 63rd floor. Materials Storage. Another bonus I'd gotten from my promotion was limited access to the executive floors, the highest in the building. Although they covered levels 62-70, my keycard only allowed me to go as high as the 64th floor.

It was quiet when I stepped out of the elevator a few moments later and entered the 63rd floor. Materials Storage was always like that, and it was almost always empty. No one was around as I crossed the hall and slipped into the small control room. I had been here before, but only a few times. Mainly to retrieve or return weapon prototypes and materia samples for Scarlet. I liked the silence here, the solitude, and right now it was what I needed more than anything else.

The computer recognized my Shinra access code easily enough, so once I was in the system, I booted up the storage access program. After it had loaded, I slid my keycard into the narrow slot below the monitor. Three doors, at least at my security level. That's how many the program would let me open. It was a way to restrict access to the assorted items and equipment Shinra kept stored here. I knew the system well, since I had helped maintain it as part of my job in Systems Operation. Usually I didn't have to actually be here for that, though. I could connect to the Materials Storage Access Program from my own machine down on the 30th floor and work with it from there.

Leaving the control room, I turned and followed the main hall as it curved around the perimeter of the 63rd floor. I went by the open door to the elevator room on my left as I went on, and eventually the hall hit a dead end around the corner at one of the storage bay access doors. A panel next to it was lit, and I tapped it, wiping my eyes as the door slid open. Then I hurried through into another, shorter hallway with a few more access doors along the left side.

I went through the one on the far end, which led into a set of small connecting corridors and storage rooms. Not really caring which way I went from here, I ducked inside the nearest room, sank down onto the cold tile floor with my back against a stack of large wooden crates, put my face in my hands, and wept.

I don't know how long I sat there, sobbing brokenly, my glasses on the floor beside me. All I could think of was Corel and the people who had died. All I could feel was guilt, pain in my heart like nothing I had ever known. My weapons had killed them. I had killed them. Although I had no way to know for sure if it was true, I couldn't help how I felt. I couldn't help feeling responsible for all that death.

After I had worn myself out, I sat there in silence for a bit, my face wet and my eyes all red and puffy. I picked up my glasses, then reached into my pocket and took out the transmitter. Whatever the truth was, I had to find out. And I was sure Reeve would know, if anyone would. It scared me, the thought that I had caused all that death and destruction in Corel. I could almost see the blood on my hands.

I activated the transmitter. "Cait…?"

"Lassie?" he replied. "Are ye alright? Where are ye? Marissa said ye just ran off in a hurry."

"I… don't know, Cait. I just don't know."

He sighed. "It's aboot Corel, isn't it? I saw the news report, tae. But ye can't be thinkin' it was yer doing, Jessica."

"I'm sure it is," I sniffed. "Just… tell Reeve to come see me."

"Aye, I will. Where are ye?"

I closed my eyes. "On the 63rd floor. Storage room A2. Tell Marissa I'm sorry, would you? I just needed to get away."

"Sure thing, lass. Just sit tight. We'll be there in a jiffy."

I broke the connection and did as he asked, knowing it wouldn't be long before he and Reeve got here. As I sat there and waited for them, a speck of white in the corner of the room caught my eye. Curious, I got up and went over to get a better look. It was a small strip of thick paper someone must have dropped and apparently forgotten, an item coupon used to check out certain things from storage.

I smiled a little in spite of my sorrow as I picked it up. People were always leaving things lying around up here like this. I didn't know what I could get with it yet since the items that were available changed often whenever the MSAP system was updated. But I figured it couldn't hurt to find out after I had finished talking with Reeve.

He walked through the door a few minutes after I had returned to my spot on the floor by the crates. Cait was with him, his tail swishing above his head as moved. When he got close, he held out his hand. In it was a bright green handkerchief. I managed a weak little smile even as a few tears still slid down my face.

"Thanks, Cait," I sniffled, taking the handkerchief.

He grinned and plopped down on my right. "Yer welcome, Jessica. Reeve ahn I thought ye might need it."

"How can I help?" Reeve added, sitting down on my left.

"You know," I chuckled, "it's not every boss that gets down onto the floor with one of his employees."

Reeve laughed. "I suppose that's true. But you're not just any other employee either, Jessica. And right now, I'm not the Director of Urban Development or even your boss. I'm your friend."

I dabbed at my eyes. "I appreciate it, Reeve. But…"

"But what?" he asked.

"Why am I so different?" I wondered. "Does it have to do with my mom? I… I heard what she asked you that day. My first day on the job. And… the promise you made to her."

A gentle smile crossed Reeve's face. "I guess shouldn't be surprised. You really are just as curious as she's told me. But yes. It has everything to do with her. More than you know."

It was about what I had expected, but I was glad he had confirmed it. There was so much I still didn't understand, and I wondered if I ever would. He had made Mom that promise, but why did it mean so much to him? They were old friends and had known each other a long time. I supposed that could be it, but I couldn't help feeling that there was still more to it than that.

But as I sat there, my mind went back to Corel and to the pain and sadness that threatened to tear me apart inside, and I was barely able to keep from breaking down again. I clutched the handkerchief tightly in my hand as I looked at Reeve, both needing answers and deathly afraid to find out what they were, that I really had caused the nightmare I had seen on the break room's TV.

"Reeve, what really happened in Corel? I have to know."

He sighed. "I wish I could tell you. Your father would know, but he isn't talking. Neither is the president. And I'm sure you're aware Scarlet is due back tomorrow afternoon. You might try asking her."

"I intend to," I growled, anger rising in me now.

"Jessica," Reeve put a hand on my shoulder. "No matter what really happened out there, you're not to blame."

I shook my head. "That's not true, Reeve. I am."

"Why would you think that?"

My glasses rested in my other hand, but I didn't slide them back on just yet. "I signed the orders to arm the troops that went to Corel. And I was the one who enhanced their weapons in the first place and made them as powerful as they are. Powerful enough to leave an entire town in ruins. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself."

"No!" Reeve's refusal was firm and final, the harshest I'd ever heard him speak. "You can't accept responsibility for what happened in Corel, Jessica. You're much too young for such a burden."

Cait jumped up. "Aye, lass! Yer being too hard on yerself."

"Am I?" I argued. "I'm not so sure."

"We don't know that it was Shinra who destroyed the town," Reeve said. "So it's far too soon to draw any conclusions. Or to take the blame for something you had no hand in causing."

I slid my glasses back on. "But if it was Shinra, then I helped make it possible. It would be as much my fault as theirs. I just… I can't seem to get it out of my mind. The sight of all that fire, the smoke, the ruins. All that death. And my weapons could have caused it."

Reeve scratched his chin in thought. "They could have, that's true. But that doesn't mean they did. Those authorization forms you signed, Jessica—did they specify where and how the weapons were to be used? And what the intended targets were?"

"Of course," I answered. "They have to. We can't release any of our weapons without knowing exactly how they'll be used. Especially if it's for military operations. The commercial-grade gear is a little different, but we still have to know where we're shipping it out to and how much. And of course, we get a cut of all the sales. That's part of the deal we've got with the arms merchants."

"And what did you put on those forms?" Reeve asked.

I knew, of course. "Weapons testing on Mt. Corel. The targets were to be a number of monsters that live in the region. Cockatrices, needle kisses, and search crowns. That sort of thing."

"So if Shinra troops did destroy Corel," Reeve went on, "they were acting against orders and without your authorization."

Cait patted my hand. "He's right, lass. Do ye understand?"

"I… I hadn't thought of that. But they still wouldn't have had those weapons to begin with if it wasn't for me."

Reeve stood up and gazed thoughtfully at me. "I don't know about that. But that aside, why don't you go ahead and take the rest of the day off? Your mother's already waiting for you downstairs."

"I can still work," I protested. "I'll be alright."

"No, Jessica. We can manage without you today. Go on home."

I gave Cait the handkerchief back, hugged him, then got to my feet and managed a little smirk. "Guess I can't win this one, huh?"

"Not a chance," he chuckled.

"Cheer up, lass!" Cait added. "It'll all work out. Ye'll sae."

"Alright. I'll let Mom know I'm on my way, then. And… thank you, Reeve. For being here for me."

He nodded. "Always, Jessica. Take care."

Then he and Cait left, the sound of their footsteps echoing through the corridors. When they were gone and I was alone, I stood there for a moment, clutching one of the stacked crates as my emotions rose up in me again amidst the sudden silence. I took a long slow breath and tried to calm myself. I didn't want to break down again, but I couldn't ignore the pain I felt. I couldn't get away from it no matter how hard I tried to believe Reeve's reassurances. I wanted to accept what he had said, but I couldn't. And the same three words kept echoing in my mind over and over again like some demented chorus.

I killed them.

I finally shook off that thought with an angry huff, pushing myself away from the stack of crates and hurrying through the doorway as if I could somehow outrun the heartache I felt. I let that anger fuel me as I went back down the hall the way I had come. I couldn't just do my job here anymore. I had to start being more aware of what was going on all around me. Maybe Reeve was right and I was jumping the gun on how guilty I felt about Corel, but I couldn't help it.

When I returned to the control room, I went to the MSAP console and slid the coupon into the slot. A prompt came up on the screen, and I saw that the item currently available for exchange was a star pendant. I scanned the description intently, curious despite my glum mood. The star pendant was a product of Shinra manufacturing and could protect the wearer against virtually any poison.

I wasn't sure what use I would get out of it, but it did sound handy. So after hitting the accept key, I heard a thump from the dispenser unit next to the console, and the pendant lay in the receiving bin. I picked it up, marveling at its design and how light it was. It was made of mythril and had been finely crafted into the shape of a five-pointed star. Pretty obvious how it got its name. A length of thin silver chain was attached to the topmost point of the star, and the entire pendant glittered in the soft light of the computer screen.

After a moment's thought, I decided I didn't actually want to take it with me. But at the same time, I didn't want to just get rid of it, either. I wasn't sure if I'd ever need the star pendant, but I wanted to keep it in a safe place where I could find it if I had to. I didn't trust Shinra as much as I used to and didn't like the idea of having it in my office in SO or in my drafting area in Weapons Development. And I didn't want to take it home where my father could possibly find it.

I looked around for a minute or two, then noticed the air duct just to the left of the computer console. It was large enough for someone to crawl inside, and so I did. It was cramped and a little dark, but it didn't bother me much. I'm a pretty small girl, after all. I was able to stand up in there since this section of the air duct went straight up to the ceiling, and by stretching onto my tiptoes, I could just barely reach the edge of the flat part of the duct where it ran off like a tunnel.

Lifting a hand above my head, I carefully slid the star pendant onto the flat section of the duct and made sure that the chain wasn't hanging down over the edge. It was a good enough hiding spot for now. I would come back for the pendant later when I felt more comfortable keeping it on me, although I didn't know when that would be.

When I was finished, I stepped out of the duct and messaged Mom to let her know I was coming. There wasn't really much else I could do here, and I couldn't go back to work today. So I crossed the hall and hit the button for the first floor, my thoughts and emotions still a jumbled mess but my resolve clear. I wasn't going to be oblivious anymore. I was going to keep my eyes open and be more wary of Shinra. I had to know what they were capable of, and I intended to find out.

Even if I had to bend a few rules to do it.