Sam's POV
Two days later, we meet Crowley in a junkyard; it takes every ounce of my willpower not to beat him to a pulp. I wanted to leave hex bags in Ella's apartment, but Dean insisted the anti-possession charms would be enough. We should've known that she wasn't going to be safe, but when Crowley started going after people we saved, Cas had convinced us that Jody was next.
"It's simple, really," Crowley says, gesturing to the contract. "You stop the Trials and hand over the Demon tablet. I'll leave your precious Eliza and Cordelia alone, and you'll have the Angel tablet." Dean takes a step closer, grabbing the scroll. "Oh, no, Squirrel, Moose is the one doing the trials; he's the one who's going to sign."
"Not until I read the fine print," Dean snaps back.
"I'll sign it," I mumble as I take a step closer, grabbing the long scroll.
"You wanted me here; I'm here."
"What's this, boys? Lovers quarrel?"
"Shut it, Crowley," Dean barks. "I'm not gonna let him screw us over again."
"That hurts, Squirrel," he mocks us. "Now, if you're satisfied with the terms of the contract, let's have the big galoot sign it, shall we?"
Dean is only inches away from Crowley, and as soon as he thinks I've started to sign, the click of the handcuffs wipes the smirk off of Crowley's face.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Demonic handcuffs, jackass," Dean gestures down the handcuffs. "These are going to keep you from smoking out, flicking out, teleporting. Oh, and no deal. Basically," Dean's fist connects to Crowley's jaw, "you're our bitch."
"Fine," Crowley throws his own punch, and I can see a faint smile on Dean's face. "You've saddled yourself to the wrong bull, mate."
"I can go all day, you know why? 'Cause damn it feels good. Get used to it, douche, cause your demon ass is about to become a mortal ass."
"What's he on about?" Crowley's eyes dart to me, a look of confusion and panic as I take pleasure in telling him what's about to come.
"It's you, Crowley. You're the third Trial."
Kevin is pacing in the library when we return to the bunker, Crowley blindfolded and gagged. Dean walks him down to 7B, and Kevin is nearly having a panic attack when his eyes land on Crowley.
"What is he doing here?" Kevin screams, "Why? Why did you bring him back?"
"Kevin, listen. Until we can figure out how to cure him, we need to keep him here. We can't let him go." I can see the tears brimming in his eyes. "The faster we can figure out the cure, the faster we can make him pay for all the evil shit he's done."
Kevin and I have our noses buried in books when Dean returns from the dungeon. I can still hear Ella's voice in my head, screaming out for help, Crowley's words torturing both of us. Every choice you made drove you further away from Eliza.
"Have you heard from Cas?" Dean asks as he sits down with three beers in his hands.
I pull out my phone, hoping that Ella will return my calls, she's shutting me out, and I can't blame her. I should've shown her how to protect herself and Corie. All the symbols she needed were on the sheet of paper that Corie had drawn on the day she left the hospital. Any one of those could have protected her from Crowley's attack. Would she ever forgive me for putting her in that situation, one that could have so easily been prevented? Crowley was going to pay for everything he'd ever done.
"Sam," Dean's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and when I look up, I can see a questioning look etched on his face. "Cas?"
"Uh, no," I mumble as I put my phone back into my pocket. We needed to find a cure and quick; it was the only way to get back to Ella and Corie.
Hours later, Kevin and I are surrounded by a mountain of books, pouring through the lore looking for anything that may tell us how to cure a demon. Dean's asleep on the table, softly snoring when Cas enters the bunker. It's been over a week since we'd seen him, stationing him with Jody after Crowley killed Sarah, Cas insisting that Naomi and the other angels were watching over Ella and Corie.
Dean jolts awake when Kevin drops another large set of books on the library table, grumbling about 'first decent sleep in days,' as he makes his way out of the library. I give Cas a tight-lipped smile, and he nods; there is something off about him. Usually, I can't read his face, but today, he seems to be hiding something. Dean meets Cas in the war room, and I can hear hushed whispering between them. I run my hands through my hair as I pull another book in front of me, but I can't focus on the text, every line bleeding into the next. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dean's body stiffen; that can't be good. I leave Kevin, instructing him to keep searching as I join Dean and Cas.
"What do you mean, 'she's done,' what the hell is that supposed to mean, Cas?" Dean's fingers are pinched at the bridge of his nose as Cas stands in front of him.
"Eliza feels that she and Cordelia's safety was put in jeopardy and that we allowed Crowley to attack her in her home."
"You told her we didn't know, right?" Dean huffs. "That we wouldn't've let Crowley come anywhere near them if we thought–"
"I told her that we were assured that she was safe. Eliza didn't care for my answer. I don't know how Crowley tracked her down."
"'Tracked her down?' Cas, are you saying that Ellie and Corie left Weldon?" I thought Crowley was fucking with me. Ella wouldn't have moved without telling us; she promised not to run away.
"I gave Eliza my word that I would not-"
"Cas, if they left Weldon, we need to know. If they're gone, then that means that they don't have any type of protection," I argue. I knew we should have done something more than leaving them the necklaces. "We can't protect them if we don't know where they are."
"Eliza and Cordelia have left Weldon."
"Fuck, Cas!" I want to hit something, someone. "You weren't even going to tell us, were you?"
"Sammy-"
"No, tell me. You were going to let Ella and Corie just drop off the face of the earth and not say anything?" My head is spinning. She'd made good on her threat; she took Corie and ran. "Why?"
"I do not believe Eliza's intent was to hide," Cas says cautiously. "If Sam had kept in contact-"
"Are you saying that this is my fault?" I roll my shoulders, standing up to my full height. "Crowley's attack is on me?"
"I am merely suggesting-"
"Ellie wanted space," Dean clenches his jaw, "so we gave her some fuckin' space. You had one job, Cas, and that was to keep an eye on her and make sure that she and Cordy were safe."
"I was watching her, Dean," Cas sighs. "Ever since the accident-"
"Cas," Dean snaps. "If you were protecting her like we'd ask you to, then we could've stopped Crowley from ever walking into her house, but you insisted that no demon knew about either of them."
"I have it on good authority that Crowley wasn't made aware of Cordelia's existence until recently." Cas shifts his body towards me. "From best we can tell, he had a spy in that hospital. You don't think that every demon under Crowley's command doesn't know who you are the second they lay eyes on you? Anyone working for him could have connected the dots."
"So, it is my fault," I murmur, moving backward before the back of my legs hit the map table, and I slump back against it. "All this, it's my fault."
"Sammy, you can't think like that," Dean rubs his hand down his face before turning his attention to Cas, his frustration with him becoming more apparent. "What if another demon tries to go after them, Cas? What'll Ellie do then?"
"I warded her home against everything. She's safe now."
"How's Ella?" I don't know why it takes me so long to ask such an obvious question, how it wasn't the first thing out of my mouth when Cas walked through the door. My eyes lock on my hands, picking at a nail, unable to focus on anything else. "Is she okay? What about Corie?"
"Cordelia was not in the house. I offered to heal Eliza, but she refused to let me. She was upset when I left her."
"What did Crowley do to her?"
"The psychological damage inflicted on her is more my concern," Cas explains.
Crowley had tortured us all with his words. He twisted everything that had happened over the last ten years, things I hadn't had the chance to tell her about. I would've told her about it all eventually, explained why I didn't try to come back sooner. I wanted to, desperately, but I felt undeserving of her love. Ella was one of the few good things that I had in my life, and I couldn't let my uncleanliness taint her innocence. When Kevin first deciphered the Trials, and I accidentally completed the first one, Ella became my light at the end of the tunnel. She and Corie deserve a life of peace. I have to do whatever I can to make the world a safer place for them. Once I finished the trials, I would've told her everything, hoping that she would be able to forgive me.
"I wouldn't have allowed any true harm to come to either of them, Sam." Cas closes the space between us and rests his hand on my shoulder. "As soon as I was sure Jody was safe, I went to Eliza; she prayed many times."
"She prayed to you?" I turn slightly to face Cas, unsure if I'm hearing him correctly. I had told both Ella and Corie to call on him if they ever needed anything. When Crowley was with her, I kept hoping that I would hear Cas intervening at some point. When I didn't, I figured that Ella had forgotten my words, but if she prayed, why didn't he stop it? "Ella, she prayed, and you still didn't do anything?" Cas' eyes dart between Dean and me, and I feel as though I'm about to explode with rage. "You told us that if either one of them prayed, you would go to them. That was your job, Cas, not wait around to see what would happen!"
"If I intervened sooner-" I can't listen to anything else Cas has to say; I move away from the table and am headed towards 7B before I even realize it.
Crowley is cuffed and chained down in the middle of the devil's trap; a smug smile creeps over his face when I lock the door behind me.
"I was hoping you'd join me, Moose," he taunts. "What? No Squirrel? Oh, this will be fun."
I close the distance in just a few steps, my fist connecting with Crowley's jaw. He laughs dryly as I pull back and throw another punch, this time to his stomach. I need to do something that'll make him hurt, make him pay for everything he's done. Crowley doesn't flinch, letting me hit him over and over again. I can hear pounding on the door as I swing again, Dean's voice calling out, but I can't stop, I won't stop.
My knuckles are bloody and raw when I feel arms wrap around me, pulling me away from Crowley. I struggle against the powerful grip as Cas drags me back like I am a small child. Dean appears in front of me, yelling at me to calm down, but his voice is a distant echo, as my focus is still on Crowley.
I relax for a moment, and Cas loosens his grip, and I shove him off me. Dean tries to stop me, but I knock him to the floor. A glint of silver catches my eye, and before I can even process a thought, I snatch the weapon from the table. Crowley chuckles as I press the edge of the angel blade against his throat.
"You threaten my daughter? The mother of my daughter? And what? You're going to sit here and laugh about it?" I growl, slowly raking the blade across his neck, watching as blood seeps out.
"Oh, you have no idea," Crowley's lips curl into a grin. "She was ready to do anything to get me to leave her and the little one alone, anything, Moose."
"Don't listen to him, Sam," Dean grunts from behind me.
"And she would've done it. She put on a brave face, but she was willing, Sam. She knew you weren't going to save her. Just another person you've let down, eh Sasquatch?"
"Shut up; you're lying." I tower over him, putting more pressure on the knife.
"I guess we'll never know, will we, Samantha? Shall I tell you the things I plan to do to little Cordelia?"
"Sam," Dean grabs my arm firmly, "he wants you angry; he doesn't want you to complete the Trial," he rationalizes. "You kill him now, and everything we've been working for the last few months goes down the drain. We've come too far to stop now."
"He deserves to die," I grunt as Dean pulls me away from Crowley. "For everything, not just Ella and Corie. All the shit he's done since we've known him, Purgatory, Leviathans, Tommy, Sarah, Samuel, holding Bobby's soul in Hell. He should pay for it. For all of it."
"He will, Sam. When we're done, he'll no longer be the King of Hell; he'll be a regular person. But you have to finish this last Trial, Sammy. That's how we make him pay."
"What do we do?"
*****Line break*****
It takes several long days of research, but we finally learn how to complete the third trial. Dean, Kevin, and I are stunned into silence as we listen to the recording of Father Thompson and Peter Kent, a man possessed who then killed his children. One dose of purified blood every eight hours, followed by the final exorcism, Peter Kent was no longer a demon; he was human again. I read through Father Thompson's notes. We could do this; all we need is the consecrated ground.
We find an abandoned church less than an hour away from the Bunker. It's in the middle of nowhere; it's the perfect place to complete the Trial. Crowley stays locked inside the trunk of the Impala as we prepare the church. Dean makes a large Devil's Trap while I read over the Enochian text, committing it to memory. Once we are both satisfied that the church has enough warding, Dean marches Crowley in, tying him tightly in a chair in the center of the room.
Crowley begins to taunt me again, and I leave the church under the guise of gathering supplies out of the Impala.
"I was thinkin'," Dean says as he walks closer to meet me at the trunk, "maybe you should give Ellie a call." Dean closes the trunk. "It's been months, man."
"No," it pains me to say it, "I can't."
"Just try. Tell her you're sorry for everything, and when all this is over, you want to be with her."
"Ella won't answer," I sigh. "You heard Cas. She wants nothing to do with me anymore. Whatever chance I still had with her went flying out the window the second Crowley showed up at her house."
"C'mon, man. You had no way of knowing–"
"That's the point, Dean!" I shout. "I should've known, we both should've known! We– I left her, defenseless; didn't even show her how to make a fuckin' Devil's Trap." I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "I didn't show her how to test anyone around her. Wherever she is, she could be surrounded by Crowley's fuckin' minions, and she wouldn't even know it, Ella could still be in danger."
"Cas warded her house," Dean offers, "she's safe."
"We both know that isn't true, Dean," I try and fight back the tears that press at my eyes. "As long as Crowley's around, Ella and Corie won't be safe. He'll find some way to use them against us."
"Sammy."
"Ella didn't ask for this life, Dean. She doesn't want a life full of demons, monsters, angels. She just wants a normal, safe life, and she had it before we took that case. From the second we stepped foot back in Weldon, we put Ella and Corie in danger."
"You can't keep blaming yourself, Sam," Dean argues.
"I'm gonna make sure she gets the life she's always wanted, even if it doesn't include me." Dean's eyebrows furrow, and his forehead wrinkles. "When we're done," I sniff, wiping away the tears that escaped, and clear my throat. "I'm gonna get Cas to erase their memories."
Dean's eyes narrow as soon as my words leave me; shock and anger quickly replace his previous confusion. I realize my mistake immediately; Dean would never let me or Cas do such a thing.
"No," he says firmly. "You're not going to do that to Ellie and Cordy."
"So Cas can erase Lisa and Ben's memories–"
"That was different," Dean runs his hands over his face, and I know I've hit a nerve with him. "Ellie and Cordy, they're your family, our family. I know you, Sam, better than you know yourself, and it'll kill you never to see them again. What about what Ellie wants?"
"Did you ask Lisa what she wanted?" Dean opens his mouth to argue, but I don't back off. Lisa and Ben were the closest things he ever had to a wife and kid. "No, because you knew what she would say. You did the only thing you could to protect them." Dean grimaces; he knows I'm right. "I have to keep them safe, Dean."
"You're not thinking straight," Dean sighs. "When this is all over, Crowley'll be human, and all those sons of bitches will be locked away."
"I'm not going to put them in danger again, Dean."
"And you won't. Sammy, let's just get through this trial. Then, we'll track down Ellie, find a way to make it work."
****Line Break****
I try to keep myself steady as I lean in to inject Crowley for the second time. As I stick the needle in his neck, he bites me, and I let out an annoyed shout as Dean rushes to my side. "Really, Crowley? Biting?"
Dean walks us out to the Impala and inspects the wound. I look up to see that Dean's focus is less on the injury and more on my face. I can see him studying it, realizing how much it's changed over the last few weeks. I've lied to Dean and myself about how much the Trials have been taking a toll on me, but looking into his eyes tells me that no matter how much I want to, I can't hide my pain from him.
"Cas say when he would be back?" I break the growing silence between us.
"No. Maybe once he's finished doing whatever it is he's doing, we won't have to deal with those dicks anymore either," Dean laughs weakly.
Cas appears outside the church after I finish my confession, asking Dean for his help. He explains that Metatron found a way of putting Heaven back in order, but Cas is the only one who can do it. Dean and I both know that Cas has felt guilty about what has happened over the last two years. Killing Raphael, letting the Leviathan's out of Purgatory, it was complete anarchy in Heaven from what he had told us.
Dean refuses, insisting on staying with me, 'if anyone needs a chaperon, it's Sam'. He didn't say the words maliciously, but I cringe at the thought of him not being able to trust me to complete this one on my own. Dean is my rock, the only person I've ever been able to rely on, he's the one who's always been there for me, and I can't let him or Ella down again.
"You think he can do it, fix heaven, or whatever?"
"If anyone can, it's Cas." Dean opens the Impala's trunk and pulls out a gauze pad and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. "Knock knock," he smirks, pulling the same move that he did when we were kids. I roll my eyes at him, "C'mon, Sammy, knock knock."
"Who's–" I hiss as the alcohol hits the bite marks on my skin. Dean chuckles slightly, clearly proud of himself as he finds a large bandage and wraps it around my wrist.
"Call Ellie, Sammy," Dean looks up from my wrist and meets my eyes.
"Dean," I sigh.
"Just try."
"I did!" I shout, yanking my hand away. "After we left Weldon; I reached out, I told her I was sorry, I told her that I loved her. You know what she said? Take care of yourself. She didn't tell me that she wanted us to work out, that she wanted me around."
"Sammy–"
"Ella was pissed, and she had every right to be, you said it yourself, I scared the crap outta her that night. I listened to you and gave her the time and space that she asked for so that she could sort everything out. I left her alone after that." I take a few steps back. "I tried calling and messaging her every day since Crowley attacked her, she won't answer. No matter what I say or do, she doesn't want any part of it. She's choosing to not speak to me, and I can't blame her. The least I can do now is finish the Trial and let Ella and Corie move on with their lives. She's better off without me; they both are."
"Sam," Dean brings his hand down over his face. "They're not, you know that. Don't be like dad, don't push them away because you're afraid of losing them. You'll never forgive yourself if you walk away from Ellie and Cordy again."
"Fuck you," I grumble. "I didn't walk away the first time. I let one of the people I'm supposed to trust more than anyone else in the world manipulate me. You keep taking dad's side."
"Sammy, I'm– I'm not, but dad didn't make you leave."
"You wanna know what happened that night?" I ask. Dean still doesn't know the whole story, and he nods slightly. "I came back from Ella's house, and I told dad about Stanford. He said that I was abandoning you. All I wanted was to go to college and have a couple of years of a normal, safe life. When I told him that Ella was going with me, he said she couldn't, that I would be accused of kidnapping her. I stood my ground and told him that she was coming with me and nobody was going to stop us. I had to tell him first, Dean, about the baby, and when I did, he fuckin' lost it. Said that Ella was trying to trap me, called her a slut, and the baby wasn't mine. When we got back in the morning, he convinced me that Ella had decided to have an abortion and that she didn't want to see me again."
"Sam–"
"No," I shake my head. I know what he's about to say. "You're not going to tell me that he was keeping them safe. Not when he kept in contact with them for years– years, Dean. Dad robbed me of the chance to know my daughter and then weaved a story to Ella, making her think he was the good guy, like he hadn't said those awful things about her. Corie would've known him if he hadn't died; what would've he told her about me, about us? If he wanted to shield them from our enemies, he would've stayed away, just like he wanted me to. They would've been safe with me; I could've protected them from everything. The second Crowley started torturing her to get us to play his game, I knew the only way to make sure that it never happened again would be to remove myself from their lives completely. I'm not walking away; I'm keeping them safe the only way I can."
"I need your help, Dean," Cas appears suddenly with a rustling.
"Cas, I told you already. I need to be here with Sam."
"You should go," I mumble, "seriously."
"What, and leave you with the King of Hell? No way."
"Sam must complete this Trial on his own. You cannot assist him."
"Keep giving the injections," Dean orders. "If I'm not back in time for the bloody fist, you finish it, you hear me? No questions, no hesitation."
I nod, and Dean gives me a half-hearted smile. He and Cas disappear before my eyes, and I walk back into the church.
With every injection, Crowley is becoming weaker. It takes five injections for him to start breaking down, admitting his failures; he almost seemed human. The injections aren't just curing Crowley. They're doing something to me, too; I can feel my body breaking down. With every passing hour, we're both growing weaker.
"I didn't know about the little one, Moose," Crowley murmurs as I pull the needle out of his neck. "Not at first."
Crowley is as close to human as he will be before the final injection. It takes me a moment to realize what he's saying. "What do you mean, 'not at first'?"
"I knew about the girl; everyone did," Crowley lifts his head slightly. "She was the one I'd been watching."
"Why?" How did he know about Ella and not Corie? Cas said the angels knew from the beginning,
"The two of you were always destined to meet. She was always going to be the one to carry your children. Lillith made it all of the Loyalists' priority to ensure that you would meet. Think about it, Sam, the case that brought you two together all those years ago, you knew that there was something off about it. But once you and Eliza had met, all your reservations went out the window."
I feel my entire body vibrate with rage. Cas talked about our paths being destined to cross again, but was it all contrived? Did I ever have any free will?
"You weren't to meet for years, but Lucifer instructed Lillith to speed up the process. Cordelia was under powerful protection. Someone found a witch to cast a spell over her before she was born, and she was made invisible to us. Eliza was protected as well, but we already knew about her, and it was only a matter of time before she left that small town of hers," Crowley rasps. "It was Naomi, Moose. She was the one who told me about the little one."
"Naomi, was your informant?" I huff, "why? Cas said that the angels were told to keep her existence a secret. Why would she tell you about them?" I question the weakened demon. "It doesn't make any sense."
"You said it yourself, Sam. If we'd known, we would've used them to our advantage years ago." Crowley sighs, and I don't know whether or not to believe him. "I wouldn't have hurt her, Sam. I would've treated her as if she were my own, Cordelia, Princess of Hell."
"If you weren't going to hurt her, then why tell us you would?"
"I had to keep your Eliza compliant, and she would've done anything to protect Cordelia," Crowley lifts his head, and I can see how close he is to being human again. "Nothing is more sacred than a mother's love for her child; there are few bonds greater. The only thing comparable is her soulmate. Like when your mother made a deal with Azazel to save your father and then sacrificed herself for you when Azazel walked into your nursery. Acts of pure love," he mumbles. "I want that Moose. I deserve love; I deserve to be loved!"
"You deserve nothing, Crowley," I murmur. "And once we're done, I'm going to take pleasure in killing you myself. You saw what I did to Brady? That's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you. I'm going to enjoy every second of it."
I expect some witty retort from Crowley, but he doesn't speak; he only stares at the ground. Watching him break down, so close to being human, knowing that I'll be able to get my revenge for everything, makes me feel better than I have in months. I have to finish this, for Ella, for Corie, for Dean. I can't let them down again.
I grab Ruby's knife, ready to complete the ritual. This is it; closing the gates of Hell that I was responsible for opening all those years ago. No more Crowley, no more demons, and if Cas succeeds, no more angels either.
"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, hanc animam redintegra, lustra."
"Sammy, stop!" Dean's thundering voice causes me to jump. "There's been a change in plans, Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead."
Before Dean ever voiced the words, I knew that there was little chance of me getting out of this alive. If my life is what it takes to close the gates of hell, then I will give it. It's the least I can do to make sure that Ella and Corie can live the rest of their lives in peace. Dean can look after them, show them how to protect themselves from monsters. Bobby and Rufus have safe houses all over the country; I know I can trust Dean to keep the only family we have left safe.
"So?" I mutter, closing the gap between Crowley and me. "Look at him!" I turn around, coming face to face with Crowley again; the King of Hell, now a blubbering mess. Crowley doesn't look at me but turns his attention to Dean. As if Dean is the one who can save him, but he's too far away, all I have to do is give him the final dose of blood. "Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this." Dean stares at me wide-eyed, stunned, as he takes in my words. The only reason he let me continue with the Trials was that I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. These Trials were supposed to be my way out of hunting. "I have to finish this for them, Dean. I have to keep Ella and Corie safe."
"Listen to me, Sammy." Dean raises his hands in surrender. "I know you want to keep them safe, but this isn't the only way to do it. Ellie and Cordy, they need you, Sam, even if they don't know it. You finish this trial, and you're taking away Cordy's chance to know you. You're making Ellie's choice for her."
I pull away from Crowley and mull over what Dean says. I shake my head and weigh my options. Is Dean, right? No, Killing Crowley and closing the Gates of Hell is the only way to keep my family safe. Seeing my momentary hesitation, Dean takes a step closer.
"Sam, think about everything we've learned since we started: rescuing a soul from Hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a hellhound. We have a real chance to turn the tide here, but I can't do it without you."
"You can barely do it with me." I choke on my words, feeling the tears press against my eyes as I fail to fight them back. "Ella hates me. She won't ever forgive me for Crowley."
"You don't know that, Sam," Dean argues gently, taking another step forward.
"Ella and Corie, they're better off without me, all of you are. If it weren't for me, we wouldn't even need to close the gates. It's my fault they were opened in the first place. It's my fault that Lucifer got outta the cage; thousands of people are dead because of me."
"Sammy." Dean shakes his head. "You gotta know that isn't true."
"You're still pissed about Ruby, Dean. About me losing my soul, killing Lilith. You think I'm a screw-up, that I need a chaperon."
"C'mon, man, that's not what I meant–"
"It's exactly what you meant," I cut him off. "Do you wanna know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down, Ella down. I can't do that again. You wanna know why I never told you about Ella and the baby?" Dean's face softens. "I didn't know how to tell you, of all people, that I was going to leave it all behind. Ella and I, we were going to start over in California. I wanted to marry her, live a safe life, just the three of us. How was I supposed to tell you, the one person I've always been able to count on, that I was going to leave the only life I'd ever known?"
"Sammy–"
"I was scared to tell dad because I knew that he'd be pissed, tell me that I was irresponsible, and all that bullshit. But you– you raised me, Dean, you were more my parent than dad ever was. I couldn't disappoint you again, and I couldn't risk that you would take dad's side over mine."
"Just hold it. Hold on," Dean bellows. "You seriously think that? Because none of it, none of it, is true." Dean takes a step forward, and I keep the knife pressed against my palm.
"You just stood there when dad said if I left, I couldn't come back. You're my big brother, and I thought if anyone could've helped me with Ella and the baby, it would've been you. I lost everything that night, not just Ella and the baby, but you too. And I only got some of it back when you turned up in Palo Alto." Dean frowns. "I didn't get to say goodbye to her, to either of them. I never got to have a real talk with my daughter. I never got the chance to tell Corie that I thought about her and Ella every day for the last ten years and that leaving was the biggest regret of my entire life."
"Sammy, all you have to do is stop, and you can tell her. We'll go there right now."
"We can't, Dean." I let the knife slice through the skin of my palm. The glowing in my arms becomes brighter, and pain radiates through me. "Ella left Weldon and took Corie with her, she ran away from her home town and took my daughter with her. They could be on the other side of the fuckin' world for all we know."
"You're right. But he knows." Dean gestures at Crowley behind me. "He can tell us where they are."
"Ella doesn't want me around, Dean, don't you get that?" I huff, moving backwards towards Crowley. "She doesn't trust me to keep her or Corie safe. They deserve better than some fuck-up like me in their lives. I've only ever let them down. I'm not going to do it again."
"We can fix it, Sam. You, Ellie, and Cordy, you belong together. We'll find her, find Cordy. We'll teach them everything they need to know about protecting themselves. I'll get you your apple-pie life, brother, but you gotta trust me, okay? You gotta stop."
"I do trust you, Dean. I always have," I mumble. "I've always been able to count on you, my whole life, you've been the one who's always been there for me. But what happens when you decide I can't be trusted again? Will you take Ella and Cordy away, hide them from me? Who will you turn to? Another angel, another- another vampire?"
"Hold on, hold on!" Dean shouts. "You can't believe that's true, any of it! I know that we've had some disagreements. Hell, I know I've said some things that sent you back on your heels. But Sammy, c'mon, I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the other sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you." Dean takes a step closer, and I can see the tears in his eyes. "Don't you dare think there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you. You gotta see that, okay? I need you to see that."
"What about Ella? Corie?" I sniff.
"I'll get you back to them, Sammy, I swear to God. I will do everything in my power to keep the three of you together for the rest of your lives."
I can feel the blood from my palm drip onto the floor as I consider Dean's words. If I can be back with Ella and Corie, everything will be worth it. But, the overwhelming need to make Crowley human again consumes my thoughts. My instincts as a father are taking over; I have to do everything I can to keep Corie safe.
Dean's voice sounds muted, strangled; I can barely hear him as he continues to shout at me. I repeat Father Thompson's exorcism a final time as I move back to Crowley's side and put my hand over his mouth. 'I did it,' I murmur before the darkness consumes me.